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10 New Rules for Online Dating

10 New Rules for DatingWith many new singles and especially boomers joining online dating sites for the first time, the process can be overwhelming at times. Add to it the thousands of newer, niche online dating sites that have popped up including dating men with a mustache to finding singles who ride subways, it?s time to put a few new rules on the table.

In a recent issue of Bottom Line Personal magazine, I wrote an in-depth article on how to avoid the most common mistakes that Internet daters in their 40s to 60s make; resulting in either a bad experience with online dating or getting stuck in the serial dating syndrome.

Here are ten tips to consider while looking for love online.

1. Leave the novel behind.? Too often I see profiles that resemble a novel rather than a brief peek at your personality. The word count is so high that it?s a huge turn-off to daters. When in doubt, keep your profile short and don?t focus on your entire life story.

2. Don’t expect instant chemistry.? When I work with both single men and women, it?s hard to get them to look past the photos. Sure we all have a ?type.? Some prefer blondes, others brunettes. But if you don?t have instant email chemistry, don?t toss your online date away. Many men just aren?t computer savvy and don?t ?give good emails.? Hop on a phone call to see if there?s phone chemistry. If so, put a date on the calendar. It?s time to meet in-real-life.

3. Be careful of the instant relationship. The need to love and be loved is so powerful, that often singles project to the future too fast. As soon as you think he or she may be the one, it may already be over. Avoid rushing to become relationship exclusive after one or two dates. The best things in life are worth waiting for and the courting phase is one you?ll want to remember, not rush into.

4. Talk about your life together. Rather than describing your perfect personality, let potential dates get a glimpse into what their life would be like if they were your partner. Describe interesting things that you can do together and your date will be able to imagine themselves in your life, as well as in your arms.

5. Don’t be a downer. Don?t be too judgmental or you will appear like a Debbie or Donny Downer. Leave the negative adjectives out of your profile and focus on more positive statements.

6. Don?t post too many family photos.? Having strong family values is looked upon as a positive trait. Even if your kids are on your Facebook profile,? your children or grandchildren shouldn’t be exploited on your dating profile. Do mention however, how important they are to you.

7. Leave the cleavage behind. We know that men undress you with their eyes, but do you need to show sexy shots to get their attention? I say no. Showing too much cleavage will make him assume you?ve got bedroom eyes and might not be worth more than a hook-up.

8. Keep your personal information private. We know it?s rare to get to a second or third date. With that in mind, don?t give out your home phone number or work email address. The last thing you?ll want is a jilted digital date showing up on your doorstep; or worse, a cyber-stalker. I recommend visiting Google and creating a Gmail account for dating along free Google voice account. You?ll get a unique phone number, which you can change. If you need to block someone who is harassing you, it?s easier than changing your mobile phone number.

9. Leave the ex behind. Often singles get nervous on a first date. Unlike a job interview, they haven?t practiced their list of questions to master the date. As a result, falling back on asking questions about his or her previous relationships or marriages will take you down a path you?ll wish you hadn?t brought up. If you?re asked about your ex, just tell your date that you?d prefer not discussing it on a first date and change the subject.

10. Attend offline events to meet the online crush. Online daters are going back to the basics and going offline to group dating events. You?ll know that everyone there is looking for a relationship, so approaching someone should be easier. Online dating sites such as Match.com and MeetMoi have fun events. Visit meetup.com and find events for like-minded singles and go out into the real world.

At the end of the digital day, millions of singles are flocking to Internet dating sites. You may be looking for the needle in the haystack, but you?ve got a big digital playground to play in.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and relationship coach. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking or Love Online. Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Peril of the Week – The Shark in the Dating Pool

Peril of the Week - Online Dating Story - CyberDatingExpert.com

I received an email on Facebook from a former radio colleague of mine telling me that he was getting divorced at 60. He was petrified about dating after being married for 25 years. He bought my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating and joined a boomer online dating site.

Within a week, he submitted his first story for The Peril of the Week.

“I was just putting my toe in the dating water when I met a woman who had already gone off the deep end. ‘Rita’ had a profile that reflected that she was smart, sassy, and had movie star looks. She messaged me about getting together for a glass of wine, and I said to myself “self, why not?” First bad sign for someone like me looking for honesty and trust in a relationship – she arrived looking much older than her picture, which was a glamour shot taken 15 years ago. The years had not been that kind to Rita, with a big weight gain and much sadder eyes.

By her 3rd glass of wine, Rita was getting very loud and in full party mode. By her 5th, she was talking about how great a lover she was, in graphic detail. After her 6th glass, I was able to pry her away from the bar and out to her car. Rita proceeded to pounce, with aggressive kisses and that extra hand women always complain about men having that seems to go right for the privates. I decided I really didn’t want my privates to go public with this woman.

I guess I have matured a little bit since the hormone raging days where I would have hit on her in a second (and probably lasted that long, too). I followed Rita home to make sure she was able to drive OK, and took off, telling her I just wasn’t ready to get intimate with anyone again. I don’t mean to make light of anyone with a drinking problem, but I have decided that coffee dates are better first dates than wine dates. Coffee opens your eyes to what she’s like, while drinking clouds your feelings and potentially your judgment. Note to self: Self, if you are not ready to swim, don’t dive into the deep end of the dating pool.”

The Peril of the Week was contributed by Suddenly Single at 60. Photo credit: Fotolia.

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Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Dating Over 50? There’s a New Site For You

Our Time

Photo credit: OurTime.com

Our friends at IAC, operator of Match.com have created a new site for singles over 50 looking for love online. OurTime.com was officially launched this week to help boomer singles 50+ ?find age-appropriate dates.

I recently spoke with Josh Meyers, CEO of People Media about OurTime.com and the rebranding from their successful Senior People Meet service for those who don’t look or feel over-the-hill. I shared his enthusiasm of the new name for a senior online dating site as not everyone in their 50s is ready to be called a “Senior.”

After a soft launch a few months ago, the site was able to attract over 1 million active members in conjunction with SeniorPeopleMeet.com. This popular growing demographic for online daters has received a lot of attention recently.

According to a press release, IAC has recorded?a 400% increase in this member segment on People Media sites alone.

“This growing segment has clearly embraced online dating,” said?Greg Blatt, CEO of IAC. “Our approach with any demographic category is to provide online dating choices, and this is no exception. To complement the broad-based experience enjoyed by so many over 50 on Match.com, we’re offering the more targeted experience of OurTime.com.? We expect substantial growth to continue with this group across both properties.”

Boomer dating is growing in popularity as many empty-nesters become divorced around the age of 50. Not everyone gets fixed up by their friends. If they’re logging onto facebook, they might as well join an age-appropriate dating site.

Members of OurTime.com can opt in to be viewed on SeniorPeopleMeet.com with no additional charge.

For more online dating advice, like us at facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert

Meetcha Live on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show where Julie Spira spoke with Jeff Taylor, founder of the new social and online dating site Meetcha.com.

Meetcha focuses on baby boomers and singles 40+ who are interested in meeting other singles in group settings.

Their features include:

* Easy to use Profile Builders
* Matching Engine to bring people together in a natural way with their common passions
* PODS – People out Doing Stuff, where the users can now create events
* Smiles, nudges and more

Learn about their less pressured way for singles to meet both online and offline and hear the results of their Dating and Romance survey. You’ll find out just exactly where coffee dates and romance rank for singles looking for love as well as how long boomers really do want to wait before becoming physically intimate.

Meetcha is offering Cyber Dating Expert listeners and readers a special offer of $3 for a 3-month membership, but you must sign up before 9/30/2010. Use the promo code of “cyber.”

Listen to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with CyberDating Expert on Blog Talk Radio