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Cosmopolitan – Deadly Breakup Obsessions – Julie Spira

Cosmopolitan

We’re jumping for joy at Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters to be featured on Cosmopolitan this week. We know breakups really suck. We know we can’t help but obsess about our ex, especially if they’ve already moved on with someone new.

Still, in order for us to move on to find a healthier relationship, we’ve got to stop thinking about him or her, knock them off the pedestal, because there is a reason you broke up, right?  It’s time to fall in love with your self, mourn the loss and we’re here to help you.

Many thanks to Frank Kobola from Cosmo who reached out to include is in his article, 7 Signs the Way You’re Dealing with Your Breakup is Unhealthy.

If you’re taking your breakup too hard, read these tips so you can speed up your recovery.

From reaching out to your girlfriend network to support you without draining them, to stalking his or her Facebook and Instagram accounts, Frank’s article gives you all the ammunition you need to wash your ex out of your life.

Full article on Cosmopolitan.com

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

Julie Spira Quoted in USA Today Love 2.0 Story

USA TODAY JULIE SPIRAAs one who has studied and coached singles on the intersection of love and technology for 20 years, it was an honor to be called upon by behavior and relationship reporter Sharon Jayson for her in-depth story in Love 2.0: The Tech Effect on Romance.

Appearing as the cover story of the USA Today Weekend edition, Jayson wrote about a recent study conducted by online dating sites JDate and Christian Mingle in which 1500 singles aged 21-50 shared their thoughts on how mobile phone technology and texting when it comes to matters of the heart.

The USA Today article makes a bold statement. Jayson reports that “Cellphones and texting have blown up the dating culture.”

With the growth of smartphones, popularity of unlimited texting and data plans, it’s no wonder that singles are relying on their mobile phones to set up a date, cancel a date, make dinner reservations, order theater tickets, and yes, unfortunately break up.

In my conversation with Jayson, she asked me how long I believed a person should wait to return a text message. In my expert opinion, I thought 1-4 hours is polite.

The survey showed a surprising amount of singles (25%) believed that a text from a potential date or romantic partner should be returned within one hour. One hour? Think about it. If you’re in a meeting, on a conference call, on an airplane, or your phone is charging, does that mean you’re not interested? My big concern is the growing anxiety associated with response time for text messages, which appears to be shrinking. Another 25% thought 1-3 hours would be appropriate, followed by 12% who believed 4-6 hours would be fine. Responding immediately came in fourth place at 10%.

Does this mean your significant should go into the digital doghouse if you don’t hear from him or her in 1-6 hours?

When I was asked about my thoughts on breaking up in a text message, I was completely against it. However, the survey found that 59% might break up via text and even 24% had no problem breaking up with someone they were exclusively involved with.

Tone doesn’t come through in a text, and that can lead to misunderstandings, especially when a comment gets misconstrued and “your text may not get returned,” suggests cyber-relations and netiquette expert Julie Spira of Los Angeles. She’s author of the 2009 book The Perils of Cyber-Dating, which includes a chapter on netiquette.

The risk of misinterpreted texts is especially high in new relationships.

“There’s so little you know at that point,” Spira says. “You make all these digital assumptions that it’s one-size-fits-all, and it’s not.”

Sure, many celebrities have done so, including Russell Brand who notified Katy Perry of their divorce in a text message, but is it right?

Would you break up with someone in a text message? Your comments are welcome.

Read full article Would you break up by sending a text in USA Today

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. She writes about the marriage of love and technology and coaches singles on the dating scene. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

The Digital Breakup ? Is it Wrong?

The Digital BreakupDid you know that more than 30% of relationships have a digital ending?

According to a survey by Lab 42, 1/3 of people are breaking up via text, email, and on Facebook.

I strongly believe that if you?re in an intimate relationship or if you?ve committed to dating someone exclusively, calling it quits should happen in person.

Here are six common and inappropriate ways couples are breaking up in a digital world.

The Direct and Unilateral Breakup

1. Text Message. Seeing a text message saying, “It’s not you, it’s me” is inconsiderate. It also shows signs of disrespect and cowardly behavior. If you can type on the phone, you should be able to pick up the phone and dial it as well.

2. Email. The “Dear John” letter of years ago has been replaced with an email saying it’s over. Do you really want to go down in history as the person who sent a digital “Dear John” letter? Type your letter and send it to yourself. Read it the next morning before calling it quits. You might feel different about it the next day and can possibly save your relationship. Remember. An email can be and will be forwarded, shared, or possibly end up in a blog post or magazine.

3. The fax. Although fax machines are as obsolete as a rotary-dial phone, there still are cases where couples are filing for divorce via fax, with one party being in control and the recipient being shattered by the news.

The Passive-Aggressive Breakup

4.Reactivating an Online Dating Profile. If your significant other disappears for a few days and doesn’t return your calls, it might be time to see if they’ve reactivated their online dating profile. Even if it’s active for an hour or a day, it’s likely that this will get noticed by one of your friends. Is it worth losing a relationship over? I say no.

5. Facebook. Relationships are starting and ending on Facebook. I enjoy sharing the success stories on FacebookLoveStories.com, but cringe when I see someone changing their status relationship to ‘Single’ without discussing it with their partner. Worse yet, a friend my see your sweetheart in the arms of another in a photo proudly displayed on his or her Facebook page.

6. The Disappearing Act. Magicians should be left for the magic show, not for your relationship. If your needs aren’t being met or if you’ve found someone else, don’t leave someone hanging and just stop calling. It’s not over until both people realize where they stand. Dont disappear on someone you once loved when you?ve unilaterally decided it was time to move on.

At the end of the digital day, you should treat people the way that you want to be treated. Don’t go down in history as being a digital dumper. Often the love you have with the person you’ve invested the time with is worth saving and will be worth its weight in gold, compared to the heartbreak you might be creating.

Have you ever ended a relationship digitally? Did someone ever dump you in an email or text? Would you pull a disappearing act to avoid a confrontation?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and bestselling author. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Photo credit: Pavel Ignatov – Fotolia.com

Reading Room – The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide

Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide

It’s January and time to stop your sobbing. If you need some hand holding, pick up a copy of The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide: One Month of Manicures, Massages, and Mojitos to Help You Forget About Him by Jamie Beckman and place it now beside your bed.

Jamie provides you with a 30-Day simple to follow Breakup Calendar that will take you anywhere from buying something pink, to giving blood and getting a massage. The book starts with changing your cell phone wallpaper, which means delete his photos on Facebook, on your cell phone, and any other social networking site. The goal after 30-days is to calmly move on with your life, which is easier to do when you stop staring at your digital history.

In reality, it takes about a month of healing for every year that you were together as a couple. So if you’re interested in getting over him in 30 days or less, this book is for you.

So out with the old, and in with the new. It’s time to get started on becoming the fabulous new you.

Click here to purchase a copy>>>

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