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Should I ask a Guy His Last Name Before a Date?

Dating Advice - What's Your Name

Part of dating includes being organized, and if you’re using dating apps and find there are several men named Steve, should you ask them their last names?

One of my dating coaching clients posed this question, as she was preparing for her second date with someone she met online.  The truth is, she really wanted to check him out, and by asking for his last name, she thought she could get some information about him to help her feel safe.

How should she ask him, and should she even ask at all?

My response was simply not to ask for his last name.

Here’s why.

When someone asks for your last name on the phone, it’s basic code for letting you know they’ll be doing a google search, or maybe even digging deeper into a background search. 

I asked her how she’d feel if her date did the same, checked out where she lived, if she owned or rented, or any other personal or financial information. She replied that she wouldn’t have liked that either.

What I suggested, was to tell her date that she’d meet him at the theatre, to thank him for offering to pick her up, and to let him know that she’d like to take him up on his chivalrous offer to pick her up on a future date.

This way, she’s playing it cautious, acknowledging that he’s a gentleman, and letting the conversation flow during their date, where possibly more will naturally be revealed.

If she’s still stuck on getting the last name, I suggested she share hers with him casually, knowing that he’d probably reply with his.

Remember, it’s a date, not a deposition.

No one wants to feel interrogated about their net worth, but everyone wants to feel comfortable and safe.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is an award-winning dating coach, and America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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The Games Singles Play – Match Launches Crown App in LA

Crown Dating App
Match keeps growing as the biggest player in the dating industry and has just added a crowned jewel to their portfolio.

At a swanky West Hollywood rooftop party, the Match team came to celebrate their new dating-game app, Crown, starting in the Los Angeles market.

How Crown works is, instead of swiping on one potential date at a time as you would on Tinder or Bumble, users are presented with 16 matches every day at noon, with two profiles on the screen at one time. Once you “crown” or select your favorite of the two, you continue in pairs until the first round is over.

The players or potential dates then move into the second round of eight, where once again you can view and select one of the two until you eventually reach the final four, where you officially have the opportunity to chat with those from the four profiles you’ve crowned.

Does it sound like March Madness? Well, it’s similar, but the end-game is to find one to four matches to strike up a chat with and hopefully meet IRL.

RELATED: Summer Dating Profile Tips You Can Make Instantly

I asked Match Group’s VP, Andy Chen, why he thinks gamification is a great way to find a date.

“The attraction to games is that they are naturally fun, there is excitement in terms of anticipation and the chance to win that creates a sense of payoff,” says Chen. “The experience with Crown feels more fun to our users than other dating apps on the market because it mimics these same elements.”

Chen flew to Los Angeles from the Match HQ with other executives, as well as the app’s creator, Patricia Parker from the Match products and events teams.

Parker’s idea was the winner from about 60-100 apps that were presented internally at the company’s internal “ideathon.”

“I met my husband on Match, so initially I was trying to think of dating things that were overwhelming for me,” says Parker.

Her inspiration? “Initially it just started off with, what can we do to get a limited amount of people, and this idea of choosing one person over the other, which is such a natural way of how you choose anything from the grocery store to matches on any other dating app,” says Parker. “The gamification part came later.”

RELATED: Cyber Love Story – Melissa and Ross

Chen tells me that people are craving a more focused and curated online dating experience. “We also find that choosing between two users is an easier and more fun approach than swiping through endless profiles,” says Chen. 

If you’re tired of swiping right and left on mobile dating apps, I believe this new dating game app launched by Match may help soothe the brain and fill up your date cards with quality matches.

Dr. Helen Fisher, Match Group’s Chief Scientific Advisor explains, “Crown solves the single biggest problem in online dating today: ‘cognitive overload.’”

According to Dr. Fisher, “the human brain is simply not built to choose between hundreds of potential suitors—as all the current dating apps require singles to do.”

Crown wants singles to have a more focused experience; long enough for them to discover new people but short enough to avoid the fatigue that singles struggle with, and to leave just enough anticipation for the next day’s batch of matches.

Crown Dating AppIf you’re Gen Z or Millennial in the Los Angeles area, you can download the Crown app on iOs HERE.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, and has been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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Summer Dating Profile Tips You Can Make Instantly

Summer Dating Tips

Summer starts this week, and at Cyber-Dating Expert HQ, we always see an uptick in new clients looking for love online.

Don’t just take our word for it, as our friends at Match have predicted that Sunday, July 8th will be 20% busier than Valentine’s Day based on 20+ years of data.

If you don’t experience fireworks with someone special on 4th of July, you’ll have an opportunity to find summer love BIG TIME a few days later, and we’re here to help you look your best.

RELATED: 5 HOT TIPS FOR SUMMER LOVE

What should you do to get ready for summer fun?

  1. Update your existing profile now to get ready with new photos wearing summer apparel.
  2. Include some of your favorite summer activities, such as beach barbecues, fly fishing, or hiking.
  3. Change your profile to include favorite date ideas, such as going to an outdoor concert, an amusement park, or riding a tandem bicycle.
  4. If you have a summer vacation booked, include how excited you are to travel to that destination.
  5. Include your favorite flavor of ice cream or frozen yogurt, as it’s a hint of where you should go on a date that extends into dessert.

RELATED: 10 ABSOLUTELY FUN SUMMER DATE IDEAS

There’s something magical about sunshine, beach or lake walks, and finding a summer romance that will last through all of the seasons.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of Internet dating, has been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Photo credit: Fotolia

Julie Spira – ABC News – Valentine’s Survival Guide

 

With Valentine’s Day just a week away, I sat down with ABC-7’s Coleen Sullivan and Ellen Leyva with a Valentine’s Survival Guide to get you to and through the most romantic day of the year.

Can you find love online in time for Valentine’s Day?

I say yes! With the convenience of your mobile phone, we’ll have you chatting and dating in a digital split second.

Here are 10 Tips to Help You Survive Valentine’s Day With a Hug and a Smile

  • Sign up for a Mobile Dating AppUse your Facebook photos to create a new profile and say “love is in the air.” Have a friend or a dating coach like myself help you with your profile.

 

  • Become a serial dater – This is the time I give you permission to date up a storm. Schedule one date a day until Valentine’s Day. Double-down and schedule two dates a day, where one will surely rise to the top and be worthy of a second date.

 

  • Use Premium Features – Match shows you peak times, where their Top Spot feature will show your profile to get the most visibility for just a few hours. OkCupid’s Boost feature will do the same for 15 minutes.

 

  • Give your date a card – A hand signed card or a love note will warm his or her heart for all dating stages.

 

  • Don’t forget Flowers Two billion dollars will be spent on Valentine’s Day flowers this year. Bring one long-stemmed rose or a dozen tulips to have the same effect, while not breaking the bank.

 

  • Say ‘I Love You’ – If you’re relationship is moving forward, there’s no better time to profess your love than on Valentine’s Day.

 

  • Choose In-Room Dining or Cook a Meal Together – If you’ve waited too long to make a reservation at his or her favorite place, pick up some prepared meals at the grocery store, or ingredients for a spicy romantic dinner. Remember to bring candles.

 

  • The gift of time – Valentine’s Day is about spending quality time together, and there’s not better gift than just being together.

 

  • Valentine’s Breakups – It’s not a great idea, but if your relationship has been sliding downhill since the past holiday season, have a talk with your significant other, sooner rather than later. Valentine’s Day can be filled with pressure, so be kind about it and if you’re going to call it quits, do so in person, and not on the phone, email, or in a text message.

 

  • Singles Awareness Day is on February 15th – If you’re not in the mood to find a Valentine and hate the holiday, there’s no need to fret. The day after will be a holiday to celebrate your single status.

Don’t let the pressure get to you about Valentine’s Day. Some people are still paying off their credit cards from December gift giving. A study shows that 54% plan to spend less than $100 and only 10% of singles spend over $250 on Valentine’s Day.

A survey from OneHourTranslation.com of over 4000 people around the world, showed that 31% plan to purchase their gifts online this year, so there’s still time to send something romantic to your Valentine or digital crush.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and is an award-winning dating coach who’s been helping singles on finding love online for over 24 years. 

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

 

 

7 Ways to Shine During Online Dating’s Peak Season

Peak Season

There was a lot of excitement the first week of January leading up to “Dating Sunday,” a day proclaimed by Match as the busiest day of the year for online dating.

Other sites and apps also saw the surge in activity and joined in on the Dating Sunday excitement, including Plenty of Fish, Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and more.

As a guest on KENS TV in San Antonio and KHOU in Houston, I spoke with reporter Jeremy Baker, on why the first Sunday of a new year is always so active.

WATCH TV SEGMENT ON DATING SUNDAY WITH TIPS TO SPEED UP YOUR SEARCH

Baker’s mother met and married his stepfather after meeting in an AOL chat room in the 1990s, and he shares the history of online dating from the early days to the present, where singles are swiping on mobile dating apps.

Now that Dating Sunday is over, what should you do next?

If you missed the spike on Sunday while watching the Golden Globes, there’s no need to fret. Peak season is in full force right now, leading up to Valentine’s Day, just five weeks away.

There’s plenty of time to find love with some of these tips.

To get you armed for in online dating’s Peak Season, here are 7 online and mobile dating tips to help you get lucky, now through Valentine’s Day.

RELATED: Dating Sunday – January 7th Was the Busiest Day for Online Dating

1. Post 5 -7 new photos to your profile and caption them if you can.

2. View and “Like” profiles and photos of 10 people a day during peak season.

3. Log on for 1/2 hour, twice daily to see who has viewed your profile and written to you.

4. Write back to those who are messaging you on dating apps and sites within the 1-4 hours, the sooner the better.

5. Don’t be shy. Make the first move and message someone whose profile looks interesting.

6. Rewrite your profile and include some of your goals for the year. Whether it’s running a marathon to writing your first novel. They’re conversation breakers that make you unique.

7. Turn on push notifications, so you’ll know instantly who’s interested in you.

If you need some extra hand-holding, find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

RELATED: Is Dating Multiple People a Good Idea?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox

Photo credit: Fotolia

Dating Sunday – The Busiest Day for Online Dating is This Weekend

Dating Sunday - Julie Spira

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dating Sunday, on January 6th, is the world’s largest digital love-fest. It’s also peak season for online dating, so get ready to join the party.

We’re busy at Cyber-Dating Expert with new singles joining the dating pool in what we call the “Trifecta of Dating.”

  1. Singles are putting love at the top of their New Year’s resolution list.
  2. More singles are joining the dating pool due to a pre and post-holiday break ups.
  3. The countdown clock to Valentine’s Day is ticking.

On ABC 7 Eyewitness News in Los Angeles, I spoke with Anabel Muñoz and John Gregory on why Match has proclaimed this Sunday as the most popular day of the year for online dating.

Watch the segment below.

What should you do to get ready for Dating Sunday?

The days leading up to Dating Sunday are a reflective time for many who are thinking about finding a meaningful relationship.

It’s also “peak season,” for online daters, which starts right after Christmas and goes through Valentine’s Day. 

It’s a time for new beginnings, so take new photos, update last year’s profile, and turn on your push notifications to make the most of this season.

RELATED: 5 TIPS TO ROCK DATING SUNDAY

What is Dating Sunday?

Dating Sunday, or #DatingSunday is the day dating sites see the greatest surge of users. Match been analyzing data since the site was launched in 1995 and predicts 9:05pm/ET, will be the busiest, with the most usage.

The site reports a 69% spike in new singles joining on this day. During peak season, 50 million messages are expected to be sent during peak season, through Valentine’s Day, resulting in 1 million dates!

It’s actually quite exciting to see singles become so positive about finding love online and joining mobile dating apps and sites at the start of the new year.

Other sites, such as Plenty of Fish, expect over 117,000 new signups on Dating Sunday, peaking at 9pm.

Remember, 1 in 3 relationships start online, so you’ll be in good company and we’re here to help you find love in 2019.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of online dating, has been coaching singles on finding love online and on mobile dating apps for almost 25 years. Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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14 Ways to Date and Flirt on Instagram

Instagram heart

Are you flirting up a storm on Instagram?

Do you think finding love online means only swiping right on Tinder, Bumble or mobile apps?

Is your online dating profile a bit stale and your inbox on the empty side?

As a dating coach, I”m here to teach you how to flirt and find a date on social media, especially on Instagram.

1. Make sure your Instagram profile is public so people can follow you.

You’d be surprised how gun-shy some singles are about Instagram. They may post the most adorable selfies, but have their settings set to private, so unless you’re already connected as friends, you won’t be able to view or like their posts. If you’re single, toss out that fear of being in the public eye. It’s time to make your profile private and become strategic about what you post and who you decide to follow.

2. State in your bio that you’re single.

Being single isn’t a disease. It’s just the relationship status you have at the moment. Often there’s a digital crush who might think you’re taken, even if he or she sees a photo in the arms of your favorite cousin. By stating you’re single, you’ve just opened the love floodgates to millions of potential dates. Get ready for the ride!

RELATED: DATING IN AN INSTAGRAM WORLD

3. Follow back interesting people you think you’d like to date or at least be friends with.

If your follower count is starting to rise, don’t just look at the number. Instead look at who your latest follower is and if they seem interesting at all, follow them back. If they start posting creepy updates, you can always unfollow, or even block them if necessary.

4. Start “liking” their posts, slowly, so you won’t appear like a stalker.

Some singles like to use social media sites in a voyeuristic way. You peek, but you don’t click the like button. You never comment. You don’t even post, but you’re busy watching your followers’ feeds. It’s time to ramp up the flirting and take the digital plunge. Start slowly by liking someone’s posts, but don’t instantly like EVERYTHING this new crush posts or you may come across as needy, creepy, or even as a stalker!

5. Like your crush’s selfies.

Instagram is the perfect home for dating in a selfie world. The reason people post selfies is, well, because they want others to “like” or comment on how great they look or how cool they are. If your crush is looking for attention, don’t be shy. It’s time to click the like button, so you can show up in their feed and get on their digital radar.

6. Post to Instagram Stories

It’s no secret that the ‘Stories’ features which appear at the top of your Instagram feed get the most action. Caption your photos, add a video for more engagement and you’ll rank higher on the dating totem pole than solely posting updates.

7. Start commenting on their posts and add the heart emoticon.

Social networking works best when you remember to stay sociable. Slowly start commenting on his or her posts, but not all of them. If you see they are starting to comment on your posts, add in a heart emoticon to show you might want to be more than just friends.

8. Start using hashtags of #single #singlelife #love #relationships #dating so others can follow you.

Nothing’s a bigger turnoff than going on a digital campaign for someone who isn’t available. When you’re single, let your followers subtly know by using hashtags that define your relationship status. It’s bold, but not as needy as saying, “hey, I’m dateless this weekend and am bummed out about it.”

9. Post romantic quotes about love.

Feeling the love? Show it in your quotes. We post quotes with lyrics from love songs on Instagram, romantic quotes, and create some of our own to show we’re interested in love, big time. So should you.

10. Start searching for others with similar hashtags and start following them.

Being single is better when you’re in similar company. Do a search on Instagram for hashtags of other singles to see who’s feeling like they might want to couple up this ‘Cuffing Season.’

RELATED: YOUR GUIDE TO CUFFING SEASON – GET READY TO COUPLE UP

11. Reply to comments on your posts from someone you could have a crush on.

So you’re in a groove on Instagram and your crush is commenting on your updates and selfies. Now’s not the time to back peddle and get shy. Click the heart button to his or her comments and reply back with an emoticon or xo.

12. Become a Tindstagrammer and Start Direct Messaging.

Once you’ve developed an online rapport, it’s time to start those private chats. In an article on Mashable, writer Rachel Thompson claims that Instagram is the new Tinder – whether you want it to be or not. In addition, if the object of your digital affection ignored you or swiped left on Bumble or Tinder, now they have a public chance to write to you on Instagram. It can be viewed as tenacious or creepy, so if you don’t get a response, hold back from bombarding someone in Insta in multiple DMs.

13. Post Videos

Whether you’re at a concert or the farmer’s market, views to videos just get viewed more often on Facebook and Instagram. Better yet, share it to your Stories and let your crush hear your voice.

14. Swap Digits So You Can Meet IRL.

At the end of this love campaign, if you and your crush are in a groove on Instagram, it’s time to take the plunge and send a DM with your phone number to text each other and make plans to meet in person. After all, you won’t really know if you have offline chemistry until you meet IRL.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the Digital Matchmaker who’s been coaching singles online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter

SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox

Tinder ‘Reactions’ Helps You Let Your Date Know He’s Been Ghosted

Our friends at Tinder have added a new featured called ‘Reactions,’ to let you send your dude an animated gif to get the ball rolling, toss a virtual martini in his face if he’s acting like a d-bag, or give the digital heads up that he’s been ghosted.

Created by the women of Tinder, along with the help of comedian/actress Whitney Cummings, this new feature adds a little fun to the dating process instead of sending back boring texts that just say ‘hey.’ There are 10 animated gifs to choose from and the feature is starting to roll out now.

How it works is, you need to be in a convo with your match. In the in-text feature, next to the gif icon you’ll see a reaction icon. Click on the icon and select the reaction that’s perfect for the mood.

For my favorite topic of ghosting, one of their gifs will help you disappear with advanced notice.

Think he’s worth having a convo with, then here’s how you can let him know to get the ball rolling.

Tinder Reactions Ball GIf

RELATED: Tinder Love Expert Julie Spira on BuzzFeed

Ever think of tossing a drink in his face? With the Martini Reaction you can do so and he’ll get the hint and just might enjoy your humor as well.

Tinder Martini Reaction

If you think he’s really a great guy and he’s making you swoon, let him know by sending a few hearts reaction.

Tinder Reaction Gifs

For more details on the new ‘Reactions’ feature, check out the Tinder Blog and check out this video on how it works.

RELATED: Find out how Swiping Right Can Help You Find Your Dream Date

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online and now on their mobile apps with her IRRESISTIBLE PROFILES programs for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

How to Tell Your Date You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting

For those of you who think dating is a numbers or a swiping game, it goes much deeper and more personal that. We’re talking about love, big time. How to find it, how to nurture it, and how to keep it.

Dating, especially online dating or using mobile dating apps, continues to grow in popularity, but what happens when you’ve had three of four dates with someone, have had a heavy making out session, or have even gotten more intimate physically, but something just doesn’t click?

Or, what happens when you realize that you have more chemistry with your ex and playing the field didn’t work out the way you had hoped?

In these cases, rather than do a disappearing act and ghost someone, I’m here with some valuable dating advice and to tell you to pick up your big boy pants or put on your shiny lipstick and tell the person you’ve been dating the truth, instead of fading away and ignoring calls and texts. After all, you were in a relationship, regardless of how you defined it.

via GIPHY

How the convo should go when you’re not feeling it

Text exchange

Your Date: I’d love to get together again this weekend. How’s Saturday night?

You: I don’t think that will work.

Your Date: What about Friday or Sunday?

RELATED: The Text Message Breakup: Who’s Doing It?

You: This weekend’s not good. Let’s hop on a phone call, sound good?

Your Date: Sure…

Phone Call (after just a few dates) or In Person (If you’re been dating for a while)

You: I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and have had fun texting you, but I just don’t think we have enough in common for a long term relationship, and I know that’s what you’re looking for. You deserve that with someone. I just don’t think it’s me.

Your Date:  We’re just getting to know each other. We can continue to take the time to spend time together, to see where it goes. There’s no rush.

You: I think you’re terrific. I just don’t think we’re a fit and it’s best that we move on to meet others that we are both more compatible with.

Your Date: We can still date casually, right? I mean, I really like you.

You: I really like you too, but I don’t think we’re a fit. I see myself in a future with someone I’m more compatible with.  We both deserve to find someone that we’re both excited about and I wish you the best in your search.

RELATED: The Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

Now, you’re probably wondering why you should go through the agony of having this conversation, when it’s easier to just “unmatch” with him or her and go MIA? But everyone deserves to know why the person they were tongue kissing with has had a change of heart.

via GIPHY

Don’t turn your soon to be ex date into a stalker, over-texter, or obsessive person looking for an answer. Closure is important and healthy for both of you, so you can move on and find someone  that wouldn’t result in having this chat.

Don’t stalk your ex’s social media pages, as it will be harder for you to move on.

via GIPHY

Love takes time and if you’re not feeling it after a few dates, it’s fine to say you’d like to be friends, but most people don’t really mean it. It’s a sugar coated excuse for a breakup, something everyone deserves with dignity when you don’t ride into the sunset together.

Compatibility, chemistry, compassion, communication and closure are my five C’s for finding love in digital age.

RELATED: When it’s OK to Break Up in a Text

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating services. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and was the recipient of the 2017 Best Dating Coach of the Year Award.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

When It’s OK To Break Up in a Text

text message break up

I’ve always said it’s never acceptable to break up in a text message or email. It’s not even acceptable to breakup via phone if you live within driving distance of each other, or if you have plans to be together in person if you’re in a long distance relationship. It’s just too easy to break up these days.

If you cared enough to get naked with someone, you should give them the courtesy to end the relationship in a two-way dialog, and not in a digital monologue. That’s the rule of thumb, however research has shown that drive-by digital breakups via text are on the rise.

If you sleep with your phone by your bed, practically take it into the shower with you, and it’s attached at your hip, it’s become the accessory that pretty much runs your life. You can fall in love from the convenience of your mobile phone and you can end a relationship the same way.

But should you and would you?

Here’s my exception to the breakup by text rule.

If your relationship was a toxic and unhealthy one, or you’ve been lied to repeatedly, cheated on with actual evidence, not just a hunch, then why subject yourself to more lies and deception in a convo?

RELATED: The Text Message Breakup – Who’s Doing It?

If the person you’re involved with and are dating regularly, who you see every week, who calls and texts you every day has an identical relationship going on with someone else and you both think you’re exclusive, guess what? All bets are off. It’s about self-respect and self-protection at this point.

If you don’t want a confrontation and realize the relationship is not worth salvaging, before you draft that text, make a list of all the pros and cons of the relationship. Be very sure. Ask yourself how you’d like to be treated if the relationship wasn’t working out. If you had only a handful of dates, sending a quick text to say you’re not on the same page isn’t the end of the world.

On the other hand, if you’ve become deeply involved with his or her life, their family and friends, and have a full schedule of events together that you just can’t fathom attending, do the following.

  1. Draft that text and send it to yourself.
  2. Sleep on it.
  3. Run it by a close friend.
  4. Send it without expecting any response, or don’t send it if you might have a change of heart.
  5. Know that it’s over and be good with the decision (have no regrets).

Should we just end all relationships via text? Absolutely not. I’m just saying that there are times when you’re in a relationship that starts to get unhealthy that you need to think about yourself.

Maybe your bae ignores you and your texts. It could mean there’s cheating going on, excessive drinking, lying, all the things you wouldn’t want happening to your best friend. If they start happening to you and you see no way out, end it kindly and quickly. Wish the other person well.

RELATED: The Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

If you hear from them and they believe there’s been a misunderstanding, hear them out, but usually after you’ve slept on it, put together your pros and cons list of the relationship, you’ll soon see whether it’s worth salvaging or not. If you don’t hear from them, know that you made the right decision and be open to the possibilities of much better relationship, one that you deserve, one where the person adores and respects you to the point that you never have to question whether you should end it via text.

When it’s time to call it quits, do it with integrity. End it in person if you can. A phone call is the second choice. Texting or even ghosting isn’t the way it should go down, but if you do get ghosted, take the high road and don’t text over-and-over again to find out why.

RELATED: Confused, Is He Ghosting?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of Internet dating, has been helping singles find love online with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs.

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