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14 Ways to Date and Flirt on Instagram

Instagram heart

Are you flirting up a storm on Instagram?

Do you think finding love online means only swiping right on Tinder, Bumble or mobile apps?

Is your online dating profile a bit stale and your inbox on the empty side?

As a dating coach, I”m here to teach you how to flirt and find a date on social media, especially on Instagram.

1. Make sure your Instagram profile is public so people can follow you.

You’d be surprised how gun-shy some singles are about Instagram. They may post the most adorable selfies, but have their settings set to private, so unless you’re already connected as friends, you won’t be able to view or like their posts. If you’re single, toss out that fear of being in the public eye. It’s time to make your profile private and become strategic about what you post and who you decide to follow.

2. State in your bio that you’re single.

Being single isn’t a disease. It’s just the relationship status you have at the moment. Often there’s a digital crush who might think you’re taken, even if he or she sees a photo in the arms of your favorite cousin. By stating you’re single, you’ve just opened the love floodgates to millions of potential dates. Get ready for the ride!

RELATED: DATING IN AN INSTAGRAM WORLD

3. Follow back interesting people you think you’d like to date or at least be friends with.

If your follower count is starting to rise, don’t just look at the number. Instead look at who your latest follower is and if they seem interesting at all, follow them back. If they start posting creepy updates, you can always unfollow, or even block them if necessary.

4. Start “liking” their posts, slowly, so you won’t appear like a stalker.

Some singles like to use social media sites in a voyeuristic way. You peek, but you don’t click the like button. You never comment. You don’t even post, but you’re busy watching your followers’ feeds. It’s time to ramp up the flirting and take the digital plunge. Start slowly by liking someone’s posts, but don’t instantly like EVERYTHING this new crush posts or you may come across as needy, creepy, or even as a stalker!

5. Like your crush’s selfies.

Instagram is the perfect home for dating in a selfie world. The reason people post selfies is, well, because they want others to “like” or comment on how great they look or how cool they are. If your crush is looking for attention, don’t be shy. It’s time to click the like button, so you can show up in their feed and get on their digital radar.

6. Post to Instagram Stories

It’s no secret that the ‘Stories’ features which appear at the top of your Instagram feed get the most action. Caption your photos, add a video for more engagement and you’ll rank higher on the dating totem pole than solely posting updates.

7. Start commenting on their posts and add the heart emoticon.

Social networking works best when you remember to stay sociable. Slowly start commenting on his or her posts, but not all of them. If you see they are starting to comment on your posts, add in a heart emoticon to show you might want to be more than just friends.

8. Start using hashtags of #single #singlelife #love #relationships #dating so others can follow you.

Nothing’s a bigger turnoff than going on a digital campaign for someone who isn’t available. When you’re single, let your followers subtly know by using hashtags that define your relationship status. It’s bold, but not as needy as saying, “hey, I’m dateless this weekend and am bummed out about it.”

9. Post romantic quotes about love.

Feeling the love? Show it in your quotes. We post quotes with lyrics from love songs on Instagram, romantic quotes, and create some of our own to show we’re interested in love, big time. So should you.

10. Start searching for others with similar hashtags and start following them.

Being single is better when you’re in similar company. Do a search on Instagram for hashtags of other singles to see who’s feeling like they might want to couple up this ‘Cuffing Season.’

RELATED: YOUR GUIDE TO CUFFING SEASON – GET READY TO COUPLE UP

11. Reply to comments on your posts from someone you could have a crush on.

So you’re in a groove on Instagram and your crush is commenting on your updates and selfies. Now’s not the time to back peddle and get shy. Click the heart button to his or her comments and reply back with an emoticon or xo.

12. Become a Tindstagrammer and Start Direct Messaging.

Once you’ve developed an online rapport, it’s time to start those private chats. In an article on Mashable, writer Rachel Thompson claims that Instagram is the new Tinder – whether you want it to be or not. In addition, if the object of your digital affection ignored you or swiped left on Bumble or Tinder, now they have a public chance to write to you on Instagram. It can be viewed as tenacious or creepy, so if you don’t get a response, hold back from bombarding someone in Insta in multiple DMs.

13. Post Videos

Whether you’re at a concert or the farmer’s market, views to videos just get viewed more often on Facebook and Instagram. Better yet, share it to your Stories and let your crush hear your voice.

14. Swap Digits So You Can Meet IRL.

At the end of this love campaign, if you and your crush are in a groove on Instagram, it’s time to take the plunge and send a DM with your phone number to text each other and make plans to meet in person. After all, you won’t really know if you have offline chemistry until you meet IRL.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the Digital Matchmaker who’s been coaching singles online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter

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Tinder ‘Reactions’ Helps You Let Your Date Know He’s Been Ghosted

Our friends at Tinder have added a new featured called ‘Reactions,’ to let you send your dude an animated gif to get the ball rolling, toss a virtual martini in his face if he’s acting like a d-bag, or give the digital heads up that he’s been ghosted.

Created by the women of Tinder, along with the help of comedian/actress Whitney Cummings, this new feature adds a little fun to the dating process instead of sending back boring texts that just say ‘hey.’ There are 10 animated gifs to choose from and the feature is starting to roll out now.

How it works is, you need to be in a convo with your match. In the in-text feature, next to the gif icon you’ll see a reaction icon. Click on the icon and select the reaction that’s perfect for the mood.

For my favorite topic of ghosting, one of their gifs will help you disappear with advanced notice.

Think he’s worth having a convo with, then here’s how you can let him know to get the ball rolling.

Tinder Reactions Ball GIf

RELATED: Tinder Love Expert Julie Spira on BuzzFeed

Ever think of tossing a drink in his face? With the Martini Reaction you can do so and he’ll get the hint and just might enjoy your humor as well.

Tinder Martini Reaction

If you think he’s really a great guy and he’s making you swoon, let him know by sending a few hearts reaction.

Tinder Reaction Gifs

For more details on the new ‘Reactions’ feature, check out the Tinder Blog and check out this video on how it works.

RELATED: Find out how Swiping Right Can Help You Find Your Dream Date

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online and now on their mobile apps with her IRRESISTIBLE PROFILES programs for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

How to Tell Your Date You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting

For those of you who think dating is a numbers or a swiping game, it goes much deeper and more personal that. We’re talking about love, big time. How to find it, how to nurture it, and how to keep it.

Dating, especially online dating or using mobile dating apps, continues to grow in popularity, but what happens when you’ve had three of four dates with someone, have had a heavy making out session, or have even gotten more intimate physically, but something just doesn’t click?

Or, what happens when you realize that you have more chemistry with your ex and playing the field didn’t work out the way you had hoped?

In these cases, rather than do a disappearing act and ghost someone, I’m here with some valuable dating advice and to tell you to pick up your big boy pants or put on your shiny lipstick and tell the person you’ve been dating the truth, instead of fading away and ignoring calls and texts. After all, you were in a relationship, regardless of how you defined it.

via GIPHY

How the convo should go when you’re not feeling it

Text exchange

Your Date: I’d love to get together again this weekend. How’s Saturday night?

You: I don’t think that will work.

Your Date: What about Friday or Sunday?

RELATED: The Text Message Breakup: Who’s Doing It?

You: This weekend’s not good. Let’s hop on a phone call, sound good?

Your Date: Sure…

Phone Call (after just a few dates) or In Person (If you’re been dating for a while)

You: I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and have had fun texting you, but I just don’t think we have enough in common for a long term relationship, and I know that’s what you’re looking for. You deserve that with someone. I just don’t think it’s me.

Your Date:  We’re just getting to know each other. We can continue to take the time to spend time together, to see where it goes. There’s no rush.

You: I think you’re terrific. I just don’t think we’re a fit and it’s best that we move on to meet others that we are both more compatible with.

Your Date: We can still date casually, right? I mean, I really like you.

You: I really like you too, but I don’t think we’re a fit. I see myself in a future with someone I’m more compatible with.  We both deserve to find someone that we’re both excited about and I wish you the best in your search.

RELATED: The Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

Now, you’re probably wondering why you should go through the agony of having this conversation, when it’s easier to just “unmatch” with him or her and go MIA? But everyone deserves to know why the person they were tongue kissing with has had a change of heart.

via GIPHY

Don’t turn your soon to be ex date into a stalker, over-texter, or obsessive person looking for an answer. Closure is important and healthy for both of you, so you can move on and find someone  that wouldn’t result in having this chat.

Don’t stalk your ex’s social media pages, as it will be harder for you to move on.

via GIPHY

Love takes time and if you’re not feeling it after a few dates, it’s fine to say you’d like to be friends, but most people don’t really mean it. It’s a sugar coated excuse for a breakup, something everyone deserves with dignity when you don’t ride into the sunset together.

Compatibility, chemistry, compassion, communication and closure are my five C’s for finding love in digital age.

RELATED: When it’s OK to Break Up in a Text

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating services. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and was the recipient of the 2017 Best Dating Coach of the Year Award.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

When It’s OK To Break Up in a Text

text message break up

I’ve always said it’s never acceptable to break up in a text message or email. It’s not even acceptable to breakup via phone if you live within driving distance of each other, or if you have plans to be together in person if you’re in a long distance relationship. It’s just too easy to break up these days.

If you cared enough to get naked with someone, you should give them the courtesy to end the relationship in a two-way dialog, and not in a digital monologue. That’s the rule of thumb, however research has shown that drive-by digital breakups via text are on the rise.

If you sleep with your phone by your bed, practically take it into the shower with you, and it’s attached at your hip, it’s become the accessory that pretty much runs your life. You can fall in love from the convenience of your mobile phone and you can end a relationship the same way.

But should you and would you?

Here’s my exception to the breakup by text rule.

If your relationship was a toxic and unhealthy one, or you’ve been lied to repeatedly, cheated on with actual evidence, not just a hunch, then why subject yourself to more lies and deception in a convo?

RELATED: The Text Message Breakup – Who’s Doing It?

If the person you’re involved with and are dating regularly, who you see every week, who calls and texts you every day has an identical relationship going on with someone else and you both think you’re exclusive, guess what? All bets are off. It’s about self-respect and self-protection at this point.

If you don’t want a confrontation and realize the relationship is not worth salvaging, before you draft that text, make a list of all the pros and cons of the relationship. Be very sure. Ask yourself how you’d like to be treated if the relationship wasn’t working out. If you had only a handful of dates, sending a quick text to say you’re not on the same page isn’t the end of the world.

On the other hand, if you’ve become deeply involved with his or her life, their family and friends, and have a full schedule of events together that you just can’t fathom attending, do the following.

  1. Draft that text and send it to yourself.
  2. Sleep on it.
  3. Run it by a close friend.
  4. Send it without expecting any response, or don’t send it if you might have a change of heart.
  5. Know that it’s over and be good with the decision (have no regrets).

Should we just end all relationships via text? Absolutely not. I’m just saying that there are times when you’re in a relationship that starts to get unhealthy that you need to think about yourself.

Maybe your bae ignores you and your texts. It could mean there’s cheating going on, excessive drinking, lying, all the things you wouldn’t want happening to your best friend. If they start happening to you and you see no way out, end it kindly and quickly. Wish the other person well.

RELATED: The Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

If you hear from them and they believe there’s been a misunderstanding, hear them out, but usually after you’ve slept on it, put together your pros and cons list of the relationship, you’ll soon see whether it’s worth salvaging or not. If you don’t hear from them, know that you made the right decision and be open to the possibilities of much better relationship, one that you deserve, one where the person adores and respects you to the point that you never have to question whether you should end it via text.

When it’s time to call it quits, do it with integrity. End it in person if you can. A phone call is the second choice. Texting or even ghosting isn’t the way it should go down, but if you do get ghosted, take the high road and don’t text over-and-over again to find out why.

RELATED: Confused, Is He Ghosting?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of Internet dating, has been helping singles find love online with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook for dating advice

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox

iPhone vs. Android, It Makes a Difference on Who You’ll Date

KNX Match Singles in AmericaAs I’ve been digging through the wonderful nuggets of data in the 7th Annual Match Singles in America Study, one that sticks out and makes me wonder why, is the debate between iPhone users versus Android owners. When CBS Radio asked me to weigh in on the subject on KNX – IN DEPTH,  we had a lively discussion (Transcript at the end of this post).

Here’s the question about the big digital elephant in the room.

Are singles with iPhones really judging their dates if they carry an Android phone or have a cracked screen? Apparently so.

Here are some fun facts from the Match survey,

  • iPhone users are 21 more times likely to judge Android users
  • Android users are 15 times more likely to negatively judge an iPhone use.

Let’s take it a step forward as your date card will be empty if you don’t upgrade or fix that cracked phone. The survey said that iPhone users are critical of other iPhone users if their phone is an older model, to the tune of 56% saying you won’t get to a second date. Ouch.

If you have a flip phone or a cracked screen, you’re at the bottom of the digital dating totem pole, so head to the store and upgrade and fix that screen now.

The survey on mobile phone issues found:

  • 15% of adults could think twice about dating someone with a cracked screen
  •  86% of women are more likely to negatively judge a man for having a cracked screen.

And if you’re texting with that clicking noise, STOP now. The survey said boomers hate the audible key clicks, so head to your settings and stop the noise to get more dates.

READ MORE: Match Singles in America Survey Says Put Your Phone Away

#ICYMI, Here’s the transcript of the radio interview with Charles Feldman and Chris Sedens on CBS/KNX Radio.

Charles: There’s a study that finds that single people who have an iPhone don’t want to date someone who has an Android phone. Apparently that’s not all. With us now to discuss this is author and expert on cyber-dating, Julie Spira, Julie, what else do we know about iPhone users and the people they don’t want to date?

Julie: Well it’s interesting to know that there’s research that shows that the stigma shows that iPhone users maybe made more money than Android users.

Charles: Maybe they’re poorer than Android users because iPhones cost so much.

Julie: Especially when we upgrade every two years! I think this is all really interesting because it shows that daters have become picker about subjects such as technology and politics. Certainly pickier than even what your date is wearing.

Charles: So seriously, you have these two people let’s say and they meet at Starbucks or something, because that’s where they meet, and one takes out an iPhone to text and the other takes out an Android phone and they look at each other and go, nope, not for me.

Julie: People are doing that. Probably millennials are doing it more than boomers are, but they shouldn’t be taking their phone out on a date anyway. That phone belongs in your purse or your pocket. 

Charles: You know I’m taking it a step further than I probably should, but I believe I read somewhere that President Trump carries an Android. I use an iPhone. Now, not that he’s on the market, or whether I am or not, but you say it comes down sometimes to people with iPhones make more money, I’m guessing the President makes more money than I do.

Chris: Are you saying you wouldn’t date President Trump?

Charles: I’m just saying he uses an Android; he’s a billionaire.

Chris: Oh, alright.

Charles: I think that kind of blows that one out of the water Julie. I can’t help but think, if you’re an attractive person and you see somebody, there’s a lot of people listening this who think this is hooey.

Julie: Right. It should be ridiculous. You shouldn’t say I can’t go on a second date with you, because we don’t share the same interests in technology or phones. I think another point that’s so big on this study which came from Match.com, nearly 15% of  adults that are currently dating, they won’t date somebody with a cracked smart phone screen. So if you’ve got an old phone, you might not get a second date.

Charles: So let’s say we get past the phone stuff and maybe they both have iphones, and so they go on the date and they are happy and they go back to one place or the other and then they discover that one has a MacBook and the other has a dell. So is the relationship then off?

Julie: No the relationship is not off. We really can’t be that superficial about the kind of technology our partners have. I think the more inclusive we can be about everything we can be in life, including technology, the happier we can be. So don’t sweat the small stuff. If you have chemistry and a lot in common and similar values, let someone have a different type of phone and be happy about it.

Charles: Julie, Thank you. Julie Spira, she is an author and expert on cyber-dating. “You’re Beautiful you’re the woman of my dreams. Oh you’re using an Android. NEXT.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook for online dating and mobile dating advice.

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Tinder Love Story – Adriana and Dave

Tinder Love Story - Adrianna and Dave

Meet Adriana and Dave who found love and marriage on Tinder. Find out how swiping right lead her into his arms and to the altar.

With Tinder now reporting that 80% of their members are looking for a serious or meaningful relationship, we’ll be featuring a series on couples who are happily in love, with the help of their mobile phones.

Here’s their Tinder Love Story, in Adriana’s words.

——————————————————————————————————————-

I have to admit, he was very good looking so instantly I wanted to see all of his photos. His photos weren’t of him “posing” though, they were of him being himself. There was a hilarious one of him being a goofball, one with his brother. No pictures with girls which was a huge bonus (*no girl needs the added drama of trying to figure out who the girl in the picture is ha hah). After “liking” his photos, I read his description, it read “I am a photographer and hairdresser and own hair salons. I like to have a good time and make-out”. Instantly I could infer that he had drive, was creative, and had found a hobby that filled him. And he liked to make-out – so I figured I had nothing to lose. 

RELATED: These Names Will Get You More Right Swipes on Tinder

It took about a month before we met in person. We started asking questions about each-other (where are you from, etc.) and the chemistry was instant. He was funny, we would respond with wit and humor, which made me that much more smitten and excited to meet. It took us a while to find a time that worked for both (which is why it took us a month!), but it was cool because when we would try to set-up a time, and we couldn’t because of x reason, we were really interested in what the other was doing, which made the conversations that much more dynamic.

I think there was so much great tension that built up from that cat-and-mouse chase that made it all that more exciting when we finally met. Since we had incredible energy in place, there was really no pressure when we met – which made it relaxed and quite possibly the best date of my life. We started with a movie, which actually was awesome because the silence, and how close we were sitting to each other, only heightened all the energy we had bottled up. Then we went for a drink at his favorite Indian place.

Then, a little buzzed, we went over to the most in-demand restaurant in SF, where we got what I swear was the sexiest table at the bar and ate and laughed until about 1, a.m. We ended at a dive-bar where we played pool, and finally, to end the night (and true to his profile description) we went back to his house to make-out. And yes, it was JUST to make-out – I had to leave him wanting more. 

RELATED: 12 Best  Mobile Dating Apps for Different Relationship Goals

The courtship definitely started right after our first date. I wish I could put it into words, but we both knew from that date that there was something special. The day after our first date, he helped me with a photography project. The day after that, we met up for lunch – and stayed together until dinner. The day after that, coffee – and before we knew it, we were inseparable.

From day one we were pretty much exclusive. I didn’t see anyone else after I met him, because I didn’t have to. I wasn’t missing out on anything. I felt that no one could possibly have what David had. He was handsome, funny, cultured, had so much confidence in himself but was somehow, at the same time, humble and equal to everyone around him. It has been the easiest relationship either of us has ever been in, and we say it all the time. We always wanted to hang-out with one-another, and every time we did (and still do) it was always (and still is) a good time.

If our personalities clash, they clash for two minutes, because after that, we forgive, forget about it, and we go on with our day. That’s how I knew he was the one – it was on a random night. We were in bed, just watching a movie and he had fallen asleep. Our legs were intertwined and we had just said our good nights and how much we loved each other. It wasn’t anything different to how we went to bed any other night – but that’s how I knew. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life going to bed saying I love you to him. And waking up by his kisses and hearing him say “my beautiful girl”. It’s our little, mundane routines that made me want to have a life with him. No matter what happens in the day, we always go to bed intertwined, and to me, that’s a pretty great life to have. Something I knew I wanted to keep.

RELATED: Why You Won’t Delete Tinder When You Meet The One

We’ve been together for almost 4 years and got married last April, so this year we’ll be celebrating our 1-year anniversary. Marriage has been incredible, and it’s so surreal but the most incredible feeling to look-up and see him doing whatever in the kitchen or living room, and knowing that he’s my husband. We love to travel, and have been doing tons of it, and before kids, that’s what we want to keep on doing. Family is huge for us, so kids are slowly but surely creeping into the picture, but for now, we want to be married. We want to enjoy each other, support growth in our careers, and develop something really strong so that when kids come along, we’re solid.

Congratulations to Adriana and Dave, who prove you can swipe right for love.

Photo credit: Samm Blake

Have you met someone special on Tinder or other mobile dating apps? We’d like to hear from you.  CONTACT US to share your story.

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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What Do I Do If He Doesn’t Ask Me Out for Valentine’s Day?

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

In this week’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a single woman is feeling anxious because the guy she’s dating hasn’t asked her out yet for Valentine’s Day. Here’s her question and our answer.

Dear Julie,

I met this great guy online and we’ve gone out on five dates since the New Year. I really like him and we haven’t discussed dating exclusively yet, but I’ve seen him the past two Saturday nights, so I really think I’m becoming his girlfriend.

Should I be worried that he didn’t ask me out yet for Valentine’s Day? It’s next week, so what is he waiting for? Would it be wrong of me to bring it up first? Maybe he was focused on football, but that game is over and I really want to spend Valentine’s with him.

What should I say or do?

Corrine

Dear Corrine,

First of all, congratulations on meeting a great guy online. January is one of the busiest months for online dating and lots of singles are joining dating sites as part of their New Year’s resolutions list.

You didn’t mention if both of you still have ACTIVE dating profiles up or not. I have a feeling you probably do, as if you haven’t had the talk about exclusivity or Valentine’s, he might assume you’re dating other people and he might be doing the same.

Believe it or not, most guys don’t like Valentine’s Day. They think it’s overrated, expensive, and would rather stay home and watch TV. However the romantic and smart ones will know that if they don’t ask you out on the biggest romance day of the week, they’ll be in the dog house and might not get a chance to continue dating you after the 14th. Is this harsh? I think it’s more a matter of tradition.

READ MORE: Why Valentine’s Day for Women is Like the Super Bowl for Men

So if you have a dating profile that’s still online and you’d like to see this guy exclusively and hopefully for Valentine’s Day, I urge you NOT to log on.  He and his friends don’t need to see that you’re busy scouring the Internet for potential dates.  How would you feel after a great date with this new guy, if you noticed that he went online right away? Probably not great.

So my best advice is, if you don’t want to date others and really like this guy, then don’t. Take your profile down if you like, but don’t let him know that you did this.  You should do it for yourself, not because you think he has to do the same. He’ll probably notice it, but a man needs to make the decision to be exclusive based on how he feels when he’s with you. If your dates are fun and light and you’re a joy to be around, he’ll notice those red candy boxes everywhere and will probably want to do something with you for Valentine’s Day.

Towards the end of this week, let him know that you really are traditional and love sharing Valentine’s Day with the person you’re dating. Stop and LISTEN to what he says. If he starts to pull back or changes the subject, it might mean he has made other plans. The best thing you could do is not get upset with him. If he asks you out for the 13th or the 15th, reply with, “Oh, I was hoping I’d be your Valentine.”

READ MORE: 7 TIPS TO GET LUCKY IN LOVE ON VALENTINE’S DAY

You’ve only gone out on five dates and that’s a lot of pressure to put on a guy when a relationship is so new. Buy him a cute card, or better yet, there are so many fun cards on JibJab, the animated card site, so send him a humorous card; not something that says, “I love you,” and see how he responds.

The bottom line is, he knows it’s Valentine’s Day, but might not know how special that day is for you. Rather than having him spend a lot of money on a fancy restaurant, why not suggest collaborating on an in-room-dining experience, where each one of you brings or makes a different dish. It’s a great way to bond in a relationship without all of the pressure.

Do you have a question for Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been named the Best Dating Coach of the Year in the 2017 iDate Awards and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and facebook. SIGN up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia

Cyber Love Story – Raquel and David

Cyber Love Story - Davd and RaquelWhen David’s dad requested that I critique his son’s profile on OkCupid, I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. David did not have an Irresistible Profile, not even close.

As a single dad with a heart of gold, his profile didn’t reflect what a great guy he was. As a matter of fact, the pictures weren’t inviting and throughout the profile he said, “Don’t contact me if…. and don’t contact me if…” He also included a warning label at the end.

There was such a huge list of reasons why a woman shouldn’t contact him. As a result, he had a pretty empty inbox.

Fortunately, he was a great student and his profile tune up resulted in David meeting the love of his life, Raquel and they’ve been going strong for almost four years.

RELATED: Moving from Best Friends to In a Relationship

David says he felt a familiar connection when he first gazed into Raquel’s eyes in her online dating photo. He recalls his initial comment being about one of their shared interests and that her outfit, in her profile photo, reminded him of a Viking princess.

Raquel responded and they had their first phone conversation where they discussed Robert Camp’s book, “Love Cards” and had fun discussing their connection, based on those principles. At the close of that phone call, they set a date to meet.

David very much appreciated their shared interests in self-help, spiritual, and mystery school topics and their attraction was mutual. Their first date led to a second and after their fifth, they became exclusive.  One of the first things they did together, after becoming an item, was doing a couple’s weekend at the University of Santa Monica (USM), of which Raquel is an alum, so they could start their relationship off on the right footing.

RELATED: OkCupid’s Flirting Year in Review

Most of the couples who attended had been married for many years and they were either doing what they can to re-ignite their passion or were at the end of their ropes and desperate to find a reason to stay together. Raquel and David consider themselves to be very lucky to have learned these tools and techniques, in the beginning of their relationship, which continue to be put into practice to this day, to protect and ensure that their coupling remain conscious and honored.

Since their time together, both of them have become Human Design Guides and also formed a company called, CoachEXP.com, a rating and review website for life coaches, business mentors, and spiritual leaders, which is quickly growing in popularity.  David and Raquel remain truly grateful for every precious moment they have and intend to continue to do great work together. They are partners in every sense of the word.

David says he is now in my debt, (yes men do hire dating coaches!), so I can call upon him at any time and he must comply with my wishes.

Congratulations to David and Raquel for finding love online, on OkCupid.

Do you have a Cyber Love Story to share?

FOLLOW Online Dating Expert and Best Dating Coach of the Year @JulieSpira on:

Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox and find out how IRRESISTIBLE PROFILES will help you find your dream date.

 

 

 

Dating Resolutions You Can Really Keep

New Year's Resolutions

 

My how time flies!

It’s already the middle of January in 2017.  The V word is right around the corner, Valentine’s Day, the ‘Super Bowl ‘of dating.

For those who made New Year’s resolutions, if they included joining a gym, losing weight, dating again or finding love, here’s some wise dating advice to add to your list that we know you can really keep.

1. I will create a NEW online dating profile.

If you’ve tried dating sites without success, guess what? You’ve got a lousy profile. Whether you decide to hire a dating coach to hold your hand or take on the task on your own, it’s time to say out with the old, in with the new. Your stale profile needs a digital facelift to attract your dream date.

2. I will log on EVERY morning before work and EVERY night before going to sleep.

If you can find an hour a day to call your BFFs to talk about your day, or your empty date card, you have time to log on twice so your profile shows you are active and for you to write to and respond to potential dates.

3. I will ACCEPT three dates a week and will stop looking for perfection.

Going on a date doesn’t mean you’ll be walking down the aisle with your date or merging bank accounts. It’s just a date; a meet-and-greet. The more you date, the better dater you will become. So if someone has 50% of what you’re looking for, agree to go on a date. Who knows? He or she just might become a new friend or might have someone else for you if there’s no romantic connection. Fill your date card (less than 50% of the week) by scheduling three dates. Coffee, lunch, drinks, you name it.

RELATED: Moving From Best Friends to In a Relationship

4. I will go out on TWO dates with each person.

Say goodbye to one-and-done dating and hello to meeting new and exciting people. We believe that everyone deserve a second chance. First dates can make many nervous. In fact some people change locations in the same night (dinner somewhere and dessert elsewhere) just to say they’ve gone on two dates. The goal of your first date should be to keep it light and simple and SCHEDULE a second date on the calendar.

5. I will search and write to TEN people a day. Before you shoot the messenger, you should know that by writing to ten people, you might only get one reply. Remember, not everyone is logging on at the same time, some go on vacation, and others are dating multiple people. It’s not unusual for someone to thank you for your email, but to tell you they’ve met one person and want to see where it goes. The only way to be successful is to be PROACTIVE. That means ladies can write to men, so toss out the old rules. Men will be flattered to hear from you, because they are writing to a lot of women and many don’t write back.

Related: Dating Netiquette: Why Grammar Matters

Think of dating and finding the perfect match for you like looking for a job. You won’t stop searching for a job when you’re out of work, even after three bad interviews or no replies. The same goes with dating. If you’re looking for love, you need to put in the effort to win the digital love lottery.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Photo credit: Fotolia

Our Irresistible Profiles Coaching programs come in a variety of levels, from Going Steady, a profile critique to Totally in Love, with a brand new profile and 30 days of unlimited text/email support, to our VIP Digital Matchmaker plan for the most serious of singles, which includes a new profile and 10 private coaching sessions.

So get out of fear mode, stop ghosting, stop swiping without meeting IRL, and come to the digital party with all the tools you need for a happy and loving 2017.

If you need some help in getting started with your online dating profile, contact us and we’ll help you create that IRRESISTIBLE Profile to help you stand out among the millions of online daters.

Julie Spira is a dating coach and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She’s a finalist for Best Dating Coach in the 2017 iDate Awards. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter, where you’ll also be able to download for free the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for Dating Advice

20 Tips from Female Dating CEOs at Silicon Beach Fest

Silicon Beach Fest Dating CEOs

Photo: Left to right: Jennifer Kelton, Kelly Steckelberg, Talia Goldstein, Julie Spira

Dating and looking for love? In case you missed it Silicon Beach Fest, it was an honor and joy to put together the first-ever Female Dating CEO panel for a lively discussion on the dating industry, relationships, and tips for online dating profiles and safe dating.

The panelists included some of the busiest women running dating and matchmaking companies, who took the time to collaborate on an informative panel and answered questions from the audience.

Collectively our businesses represented 30 years of dating industry, matchmaking, mobile apps, and coaching experience. We talked about the big elephant in the room, Tinder, and how it has affected our businesses as well as your dating experience.

Here are some of the advice we dished at SBF16.

Panelists

Kelly Steckelberg, CEO of Zoosk and Lively Mobile App

Jennifer Kelton, CEO of Bad Online Dates and BOD Dating App

Talia Goldstein, CEO of Three Day Rule, a Matchmaking Company

Julie Spira, CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and Online Dating Expert

Kelly Steckelberg - ZooskKelly’s Top 5 Tips from Zoosk:

  • Use a full body shot as your primary photo, as you’re 200% more likely to get responses to your messages.
  • You will get 50% fewer responses if the primary photo is a group photo. (Guys will wonder, which one are you?)
  • No pets in your primary photo.
  • Talk about yourself and what’s interesting about you, not about what you’re looking for in that person.
  • Use Spellcheck. The Zoosk study about grammar and spelling showed it had a huge effect on success rate.

Jennifer KeltonJennifer’s Top 5 Tips from BOD Dating App:

  • Grammar, grammar, grammar! No matter how good looking they are, grammar matters.
  • Be authentic in who you are. You’ve gotta keep it real. You don’t need to have your profile be a dissertation, but don’t put something out there that’s not genuine.
  • Don’t post bathroom selfies or a photo of a party scene. I realize that I’m probably not going to have a lot in common with that person.
  • You’ve got to think about safety first. Don’t ever meet somebody not in public, even after a few dates.
  • Don’t post selfies in the steamy bathroom mirror. Find a friend to take your photos.

talia goldstein Talia’s Top 5 Tips from Three Day Rule

  • Women need to be proactive and reach out to men.
  • Don’t post “distractor” photos where you are looking at almost everything in the photo, but the person (maybe they’re hiding behind a leaf).
  • Don’t post a mysterious other man or woman. The person viewing the profile will wonder, is this your husband or brother?
  • Do be chivalrous and open a door.
  • The League’s recent study said women wearing white dresses do well in the app, as well as men wearing suits.

Julie Spira Cyber Dating ExpertJulie’s Top 5 Tips from Cyber-Dating Expert

  • Ditch the little black dress and wear red in your profile. It’s the color of love, romance, and men view and write to women more often wearing red.
  • Don’t post goofy photos wearing a gorilla suit. Leave that for Comic Con.
  • Don’t get hung up on someone’s weight, height or distance.
  • Check out your potential date’s photos in Google.com/images to see if they match who they are.
  • Use social media to verify if your date looks the same and see if you have friends in common. Ask your friends if they will give the thumbs up or down on your date.

Follow our panelists on Twitter @zoosk @badonlinedates @threedayrule @JulieSpira

Visit: Zoosk.com, BodDatingApp.com, ThreeDayRule.com and CyberDatingExpert.com

 

 

 

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