Listen to the Peter Tilden Show on KABC Radio in Los Angeles, with solo guest host Lisa Guerrero, who asked me to join in to help her navigate the waters of Tinder dating. Lisa said she is happily married, so she’s not a part of the Tinder generation and mobile dating apps. It was a fun and interesting conversation.
Some of the questions about online dating and mobile dating included:
LISA: Vanity Fair wrote a juicy recent article on Tinder and the hookup culture. What in the world is a tinder hookup culture and why is it ruining romance?
JULIE: Some people think it’s ruining romance, but it comes down to everyone’s swiping. We’re living in a swiping world. Everyone is swiping right and left on Tinder as a “hot or not” like a game to keep playing.
LISA: So someone gets this app and through this app they can see their picture and decide whether to swipe right or left and decide to connect with that person or dump them. Apparently what this Is this generation hooking up?
JULIE: It’s easier to hook up because you go onto your mobile phone, a location-based app. You can find someone a few miles away and boom you’ve got a date.
LISA: In the VF story it’s reported 100 million people are using mobile apps with 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day.
JULIE: It’s huge. The numbers are enormous. Just because they are swiping doesn’t mean they’re meeting IRL. If you don’t take your relationship offline, you just have a digital pen-pal or someone you’re texting with.
LISA: So Julie, if I’m on a bar and I’m single, I can see the possibilities of people who want to
JULIE: As long as you’re a mutual match. If I swipe right, the guy’s got to swipe right too and then you get a push notification that you have a mutual match and can start sending texts to each other.
LISA: This is based simply on links. Your only impression of the person is their picture, right?
JULIE: For men, it’s based on looks and they don’t even read the profile. They just keep swiping right as it’s a numbers game. Women tend to be more methodical. They look at profiles before they decide to swipe right or left.
LISA: Back in the olden dates, things moved really slow. You went on dates and went from first-base to second-base. What I’m understanding on Tinder, if that a guy is interested he sends [naked] picks. Julie do you think this is a short term way of meeting people or can you find a long term relationship?
JULIE: A lot of people looking for a relationship are also going on Tinder.
There will always be people looking to hookup and always people looking for love. They’re both playing in the same digital playground now.
KABC producer Miriam tried Tinder for 2 weeks to get an idea for the sake of the show. She shared with us her experience that if you swipe to the right is yes, swipe to the left is a loser.
“It’s really scary what these guys are putting on their profiles. They really are looking to hook up. They’re specific in their chats,” she said. Miriam wanted to meet specifically for a coffee date with a guy. Then he says, “Why don’t you meet me at my apartment.
For the rest of the radio segment, click below.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and was an early adopter of the Internet. Julie’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years and from the convenience of mobile dating apps. Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and share your Tinder dating stories.
Are you headed to Silicon Beach Fest in Marina del Rey, CA this week?
If so, it will be a fun and informative few days filled with speakers on technology, social media, funding, and more on June 24 – 27th at the Marina del Rey Hotel.
On Thursday, June 25, 2015, Cyber-Dating Expert founder Julie Spira and Three Day Rule Founder Talia Goldstein will be hosting a workshop called, Make Your Online Profile Irresistible.
You’ll learn all the latest tips and dos and don’ts for your business profiles as well as other social media profiles and online dating profiles.
Plus: We’ll have GlamSquad and a photographer on hand to snap a new photo for you for your profile.
The panel will be held in the workshop room from 3pm – 4:15pm.
Learn how to make your online profile to be more irresistible on both dating services and work-related sites (because people check both!) at this hands-on workshop with dating expert Julie Spira, CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and Talia Golstein, founder of Three Day Rule. Learn what photos to use, what to say in your description, and what kind of things you should be posting about to increase your dating attractability while still being professional, on services including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Match, Tinder, Grindr, and more. Bring your phone and get ready to edit your description and change your profile pic.
– Julie Spira, Cyber-Dating Expert, CEO
– Talia Goldstein, Three Day Rule, Founder and CEO
Julie Spira is the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert where she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. She is the go-to person in the media for online dating advice and has appeared in/on over 600 news stories including ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, NBC, Los Angeles Times, Men’s Health, Women’s Heath and New York Times. She is quoted in the June issue of Women’s Health with her online dating advice
Talia Goldstein is the CEO and Founder of Three Day Rule, a personalized Matchmaking company backed by Match.com. An expert matchmaker with hundreds of success stories, Talia has created 3 matching algorithms, and has been featured on CNN, USA Today, Time, CBS, PBS, Newsweek, Huffington Post, NPR, People, Pando Daily, Maxim, GQ, TMZ, Cosmopolitan & more. She was named to Story Exchange’s Power List of Female Entrepreneurs in 2015, and was in DigitalLA’s Top 50 Digital Women in 2015.
It’s time to put the digital DJ hat on and select a romantic love song for the week.
Today the Allman Brothers announced that they will be retiring. This band from Macon Georgia has been playing music for over four decades.
We’re pleased to share one of our favorites, just in time for the warm weather.
So grab your loved ones and turn up the volume to Blue Sky and smack a kiss on the lips and say, “You’re my Blue Sky, You’re My Sunny Day.”
What’s your favorite summer romance song? Listen to our other Cyber Love Songs.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and is the founder of Cyber- Dating Expert. Julie creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and helps singles find their one in 4o million.
In the past week, three women have come to me with the same dating dilemma. They’ve met terrific guys online. One on OkCupid, another on Tinder, and one on JDate. All three men are super-successful and are very driven in their careers. They’re the guys who are too busy to be players and truly want to be in a monogamous relationship.
In all three scenarios, the men have asked the woman for exclusivity. Sounds great, right? Well, not exactly.
One woman has been dating a terrific guy, whom she met on Tinder. After six weeks they had the conversation about becoming exclusive. They both projected to the future. The problem is, she’s lower on the totem pole, as his work is a priority. The more she tried to spend time with him and fill his calendar with fun events, the more he pulled away. Eventually, he started spending weekends without her, even though there was no one else he was interested in.
The second woman met a great guy on OkCupid, whom she thinks is her soul mate. They’ve both said they’re in love with each other, but after six months of dating, he still focuses on his work and children on the weekends. The more frustrated she gets with the situation, the more distant he becomes. She sees a future with him, someday. But today, she’s walking on eggshells. What should she do?
The third woman met a fabulous guy on JDate. He told her on the second date that he thought he was falling in love with her and saw her in his future. He wanted to see her every night, until one day when he stopped returning her calls and texts. She’s devastated. She thought he was ‘the one.’
If you can relate to any of these situations, you’re not alone.
All three of these guys were building their castles and were defining their success as a man based upon their career success. While juggling children from a prior marriage, a busy career, and girlfriend, the girlfriend ended up in last place. It wasn’t that these guys weren’t crazy about the women they adored. They would do anything for them… if it was on their schedule. They were doing the pull back and these women were hurting at the sudden change of heart.
Between rebuilding from a divorce, keeping a family together, maintaining a career path to provide for financial success for the women, they couldn’t juggle it all. The more the women pushed to be with them, the more they pulled away. It’s the ever-so-common pull back and it’s gut-wrenchingly painful when it’s happens to you.
Ladies: When guys are in work mode, you’ll probably hear from them less.
There’s no need to stress and think it’s over.
My suggestion to all three of them, and to you if this is happening in your life, was to let them build their castle. Be at their side when it’s convenient for you. Don’t send text messages asking what’s wrong, or you’ll run the risk of pushing him away, period. No guy wants to feel like he’s dating his nagging ex-wife. Also, when a guy starts to fall in love with you, he gets scared. There are a lot of reasons for this. Before they make that commitment that seems to be permanent, they might want to view other profiles of singles on a dating site, even if they have no desire to go out on a date. They may fear never having sex with another woman again. A lot of thoughts go through their minds. As they’re processing all of these emotions, they often pull away.
I know it doesn’t seem right. If he’s crazy about you, he should want to be with you, right? Women are built to multitask. It’s in their DNA. Men are most often single focused, and when they’re in career mode, they’re thinking about work and closing the next deal or hoping to get a raise. When they’re with their kids, they’re in parent mode. When they’re with you, they’ll adore every moment of being with you.
Understand that you’re not playing a game. You’re just letting the man lead, which is in their DNA. If you ever feel that your needs aren’t being met at all, then by all means, have a conversation about it, but don’t beat it to death or give ultimatums. It’s your decision to stay in any relationship. Men will come and go as rubber bands and often they’ll just need the space to be in their caves from time-to-time. It’s really OK, if they come back to you. In time, your relationship will develop into a groove and you won’t have to worry if he forgets to send you a good morning text. Perhaps he’s just busy. It doesn’t mean you’re not on his mind. Give him his space and if you truly are ‘the one,’ he’ll return without even realizing he’s been gone.
Have you experienced the pull-back in a relationship? Your comments are welcome.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love online for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia
The first Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter of 2014 is reading for your reading pleasure.
Tick, tick, tick…What will you be doing on Sunday night at 8:57pm?
As we embark on a New Year, I know many of you start putting together your lists of resolutions and think about how much better 2014 will be as compared to 2013.
If so, you’re not alone. Maybe you’ll date a different type this year. Perhaps you’ll encourage your children to look at love differently.
The good news is, that this is the number one busiest week for new singles to join online dating sites. As a matter of fact, Match reports that this Sunday is the busiest time of the year for singles looking for love online. Think about it. It’s the first weekend and relaxing day after two weeks of holiday fun and interruptions. Already the phone is ringing with singles hoping to ramp up the search.
Other sites such as JDate and ChristianMingle concur with these findings that show peak season starts on December 26th and lasts through February 14th.
Ready to jump in? Let us know how we can help you find love in 2014 and what relationship challenges you’re facing with our Irresistible Profiles or online dating profile critiques. Ready, set, go!
On January 14-17, 2013, I’ll be heading to Las Vegas for the Internet Dating Conference, where I’ll be presenting the award for the best mobile dating app. If you’ll be attending, do let us know!
Not single? Feel free to share the Weekly Flirt with your friends and loved ones.
~Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Romance Team
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating advice
We’re jumping for joy at Cyber-Dating Expert headquarters as we’re celebrating the five-year anniversary of our online dating advice site, CyberDatingExpert.com. Although we’ve been helping singles find love online for almost 20 years, the launch of our site? catapulted our services to the forefront in the Internet dating industry.
At this half-decade milestone, it’s time for us to take a moment or two and reflect on the past year and thank those who have made us proud to be in the digital love business and remain the go-to source for online dating expert advice.
Irresistible Coaching – Our signature online dating profiles and dating coaching has resulted in many love-birds who are riding into the digital sunset together. From eHarmony to JDate, Tinder to Facebook, we’ve held the hands of many singles before, during, and after their dates. It was a huge pleasure and joy to help several media personalities with their online dating journey, including Sirius-XM’s David Nelson on the Steve Malzberg Show and CBS Radio’s Kim, from the Jim and Kim Show who both took the plunge for the very first time on Match.com.? You can listen to the segments by clicking on the links above.
It’s with great enthusiasm to share that we’re in the middle of shooting a feature film where online dating expert Julie Spira is the real-life dating coach of an MTV reality star as he looks for love online. We hope to watch this on the big screen next year. Can we say Red Carpet?
Irresistible Profiles – Our signature online dating profile services help you when you need some extra hand-holding. Our Going Steady and Totally in Love Programs, include creating an irresistible online dating profile to help you shorten the search and ride into the digital sunset together. A New Pew Research study revealed that 32% of women and 17% of men actually enlisted help with their profiles.
In the News – We were interviewed many times in the media, from holiday dating to the Manti Teo fake girlfriend story and of course non-stop with Valentine’s coverage. When Martha Stewart joined Match, we chimed in with advice on how to beef up her profile on the FOX News morning show,? Good Day LA. Special thanks to the New York Post, Prevention magazine, Men’s Fitness, NBC News, AARP, Bottom Line Personal, Mercury News, Fashionista, Her Campus, WTOP Radio, Marsha Collier of the Computer & Technology Show, Detroit Free Press, USA Today, Boston Globe, Huffington Post, BBC, eHarmony, Healthy Living, Shape magazine, HLN-TV, Dr. Drew on HLN, CNN, NBC – St. Louis, FOX News – Las Vegas, Prevention magazine, WLW-Radio, Contra-Costa Times, Pro Football Central, Singular City, Kixi – Seattle, Citibank’s Women & Co., Huffington Post, Tonya Hall Radio, Voice of America, WCCO Radio, Ventura County Star, Tech Talk Radio, Hawaii Reporter, Larry Magid, CBS News, Glamour, My Fox Parents, Mashable, LA Weekly, CCTV, Metro News, FOX News magazine, Business Insider, ABC News, Pittsburgh Tribune News, Home & Family on the Hallmark Channel, TodayShow.com, WGN, Christian Science Monitor, iVillage, Look Better Online, Jennings Wire, She Knows, Mobile Dia, San Francisco Chronicle, The Daily Beast, Game n Guide, San Antonio Press News, Match.com’s Happen magazine, Hawaii Reporter, Sci-Fi Today, ABC News – Philadelphia, Babble, Your Tango’s Online Dating BootCamp, Betty Confidential, NY Daily News, Toledo News, Al Jazeera America, Washington Post, Daily Collegian, Take Part Live on PivotTV, and the list goes on. You can check out these stories in our Press Room.
On the Newsstand – Many thanks to Glamour magazine for including our online dating advice in their April issue – Stop Googling Your Dates, Elle magazine in the August issue – The Social Stigma of Online Dating, Men’s Health in the February Issue, Boston Globe, New York Post, and in USA Today twice, among others.
In-Real-Life – It was an honor to host and curate Online Dating BootCamp and Mobile Dating BootCamp at the Internet Dating Conference, iDate and to be a presenter at the iDate awards. Bloomingdales named Julie their dating expert for Makeup-101: Meet Your Beauty Match and Facebook called on Julie to become their dating expert. With the collaboration of Facebook, we launched Facebook Love Stories on Valentine’s Day to highlight those couples who met on Facebook. We hope you take a peek at FacebookLoveStories.com. A huge thank you to DatingAdvice.com who named Julie their Online Dating Expert. We hope you read some of the dating advice articles. It was a thrill to be a panelist at Digital LA’s Love Goes Digital, Social Media Club’s: Social Media and Dating Online: It?s Big Business, and at Social Media Week. We hosted the “Pimp Your Profile” seminar with Hurry Date in Los Angeles, and more.
As we look into the future, plan to see more of us featured on television and film, with several big surprise announcements in store in the coming months.
As always, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and special offers
It’s time to put on the DJ hat for the Cyber Love Song of the Week.
Summer wouldn’t be complete without featuring Justin Timberlake’s song, “Falling in Love.”
Timberlake’s lyrics give home to singles who think they’re falling in love who hope the love will last beyond the summer.
Do you have a favorite summer love song you’d like to share?
Listen to our other Cyber Love Songs.
It’s National Romance Awareness Month, so we’re happy to share some of our favorite dating, love and romance articles on the web this week, while taking a digital moment to show our gratitude for the social media love.
This Week’s Cyber Love Links include our links to love, when you’re in the mood for love.
Elle magazine – Love and relationships: The social stigma of online dating. It’s a thrill to be quoted in the August issue of Elle magazine in Canada. The results will surprise you. Yes, although I believe the stigma is gone, there are those who will still go to great lengths to hide the fact that they’ve met online. Do you fall into that category?
Betty Confidential – Your Relationship on Social Media: Pro Tips on Mastering Netiquette. Betty’s Diana Denza asked me some great questions including, What are some things that women post on social media that have the potential to drive a date off? and “What should you say (if anything) to someone you?re dating if he has other women writing flirtatious posts on his wall?” Yes. We don’t want you to become that cyber stalker, so we hope you enjoy these tips.
YourTango – Online Dating BootCamp – They’re live! Six full episodes of Online Dating BootCamp, where I’m helping Lauren from Beverly Hills find love on Match.com. Watch our videos so you can ramp up your search while looking for love online.
Episode 1: How to Create the Perfect Profile
Episode 2: How to Write the Perfect Description
Episode 3: How to Find Your Dream Guy
Episode 4: How to Write the Perfect Intro Email
Episode 5: How to Create the Perfect Profile Photo
Episode 6: Making it Happen in the Real World
On Twitter, we shared some of our favorite articles including:
The Atlantic – When a Relationship Becomes a Game
Woman’s Day – 10 Important Love Lessons from ‘The Bachelorette’
Our favorite quote this week is: “Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else.” ~Nicholas Sparks
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
~Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team
Sign up for our free Weekly Flirt and receive dating advice in your inbox.
If you missed the American Music Awards last night, we thought we’d feature one of our favorite winners, Adele, who brought home the award for the Best Adult Contemporary Artist.
This video of Adele’s song Someone Like You includes an introduction interview in her home. Sure the song will tug on your heartstrings, but will also help you let go, move on and realize that you can find love again.
Do you have a favorite Cyber Love Song?