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Quote of the Day

Ghosted Quote

Quote of the Day: “When you get ghosted, be happy they’re on a one-way ticket with no return address.”

Many of you have been victims of ghosting. As the ghosted expert, I can tell you I’ve spent hundreds of hours helping singles whose boyfriend or girlfriend disappeared with no explanation. There is no closure and you might find yourself wondering what you’ve done wrong.

Read: Is Your New Boyfriend Ghosting?

I’m here to tell you that ghosting is an epidemic and over 80% of millennials have admitted they have either ghosted or been ghosted by someone they had been seeing. This doesn’t make it right.

Read: Most Millennials Have Been Ghosted

If you are one who has been ghosted recently, be glad they’ve taken a one-way ticket out. Ghosters typically do reappear again. Hopefully you’ll have moved on by then and won’t even remember their name.
If you need closure on your ghosting experience, reach out to us to share your story and we’ll hold your hand and bring back the confidence to get back on that dating saddle.

Read: Ghosted for the First Time

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

For dating and relationship advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt to get dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Read: Confused, Is he Ghosting?


Happy National Matchmaker Day



Happy National Matchmaker Day! Every day seems to be a holiday, but today our friends at Match sent us a tweet to honor the matchmakers who help the love world go around.

The matchmaking industry has changed a lot since the days of “Fiddler on the Roof.” As the Digital Matchmaker, we’re proud to have been responsible for so many happy couples and marriages. We are so honored to be in the love business with our Irresistible Coaching programs and have given so many of you hope when you thought you’d never find love just a click or swipe away.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for embracing our dating and online dating advice.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

~Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert team.

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram and sign up for our FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

What to Do if Your Boss Sees Your Dating Profile

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowIt’s bound to happen, you nervously put up an online dating profile with the hope of finding someone special to date, and suddenly it’s spotted by your boss, your neighbor, parents of friends of your kids, co-workers and more.

As a dating expert and coach, I’ve seen this happen to many of you. In my relationship column on Bikini, a female reader asked this question.

Q: I caught my boss checking me out on a dating website? I’m not sure if I should be excited or disturbed

A: Of course your boss is on a dating site or a mobile app. So are you and over 50 million other singles, including people who don’t know about your relationship status. It does feel like a creepy boundary issue, doesn’t it?  Chances are your boss was scrolling through hundreds of profiles photos in your geographic area and your familiar face popped up on the screen or on his mobile phone, so it was natural to take a peek at your profile.

So many sites allow you to see who has viewed your profile, so this isn’t unusual. Before you start comparing bad dates with your superior, my best advice is to ignore it. Then take matters into your own hands and block your boss from viewing your profile. I call it digital housekeeping. This way he or she won’t appear in your search and you won’t appear in theirs.

Both of you now know you’re on the same dating site and it could be just as uncomfortable for him or her as well. If your boss happens to mention viewing your profile, don’t have a meltdown. Just say, you’re single and dating and can’t think of a better way to meet someone outside of work than by joining an online dating site and mobile dating apps.

At some point, you’ll meet an amazing guy and will be taking your profile down anyway.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to

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How to Handle the Dreaded Pull Back

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowOne of our most popular dating advice blog posts, What to Do When He Pulls Back, is still getting a lot of comments.

I get it that so many of you are in such pain and don’t understand it when things are going great, why your boyfriend will disappear, call you less, stop texting, or even take the more drastic action of breaking up.

Our recent comment comes from A. As a dating expert and coach, I can tell you that she’s not alone. Read her relationship problem and feel free to comment.

Dear Julie

Wow! I’ve been researching the web for answers for about a month now and it seems like your article just answered all of my questions.

I’ve dated a guy for 3 months. It seems like he was the one and made me feel like I was the one too. He never said “I love you” but I felt like he was in love… He was texting me at least twice a day, we saw each other every 2 weeks (we had a long distance relationship and he had his son every other week).

He wrote me a beautiful birthday card, I met his son and BAM, a week later, he left just saying he was scared and that maybe, he didn’t love me enough to continue in this relationship. I asked to discuss more but he just disappeared.

Note: he is also getting through some stressful times at work + his last relationship with his son’s mom ended very badly.

A month later, I still haven’t heard from him but I still think he loves me and made a big mistake. I know it was stressful for him and he probably just was overwhelmed. It was a big deal for him to introduce me to his son as well.

Anyways. I am still hopeful. What do you think? Can he realize that it was all about stress? How long can it take? I am slowly moving on but he was “my man” and I still feel that our story is not over…

Thanks 🙂

Dear A.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re guy had to pull back and couldn’t handle a serious relationship with you. Timing is always an important factor in relationships. The trick is to meet the right person at the right time and have a relationship move forward effortlessly.

Unfortunately it’s often not the case. Either someone is in transition from a previous relationship, has work issues that are higher on the totem pole than a relationship, or needs space. You might be the right person at the wrong time. I can’t tell you that for sure, as I’ve never met nor spoken with your now ex-boyfriend.

What I can tell you is that men often need space and time to figure things out without having outside pressure. Also, three months is a critical time for all relationships. I call it the first trimester of love. This is when the honeymoon phase takes place and both  men and women reanalyze their relationship statuses at 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, and one year. Three months is probably the most frequent time that I see people breaking up, deciding they don’t want to step it up to a more serious stage, which does include agreeing to be in a committed relationship, saying “I love you,” and more of a groove.

When a man says “I love you,” outside of the bedroom and afterglow of sex, it’s really a big deal to them. They project to the future and if they aren’t ready, they’ll disappear if they think that’s what you want.

That being said, if he comes to his senses and realizes what a prize you are, he’ll come back. If he said he was scared, he was being authentic and genuine. The guy has his hands full!

The big questions is, will you still be available if and when he returns? At this point, you need to start dating and maybe you’ll even meet someone who’s a better match for you. This can’t happen if you’re pining away for the guy you adored for just three months.

Go and be confident and become available for love. The right person will find you. Your guy just isn’t ready for anything serious, or isn’t ready for anything serious with you. (sorry)

Be grateful that you could have such strong feelings for someone, but if he comes back, it will be because you aren’t needy and he is ready. For now, there’s no reason to chase him or expect your guy to magically come back. There’s no calendar date. He may even meet someone else, but if his feelings for you were stronger, he will realize that by comparison.

I know it hurts. I’ve been there and can tell you, often they do come back. It comes down to a question of timing.

Perhaps if and when he resurfaces, you’ll no longer have a relationship status of “single.” No matter what, don’t chase him. Live your fabulous life and surround yourself with friends and activities. If it’s meant to be, it will be, but he will need to be the one to realize that.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.


Follow dating expert @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for relationship advice.


August is National Romance Month

National Romance Month

Although love and romance is a 24-hour a day 7-day a week topic, in the hot steamy month of August, romance does gets an extra boost.

To celebrate National Romance month, here are some uber romantic things to do for your date so they’ll be thinking about you all day long, while waiting for date night.

Here are seven ways to ramp up the romance

Cyber Love
As one who spends a lot of time helping singles with their mobile dating and online dating profiles, I can’t help but stress that logging on and swiping right are one of the simplest ways to think about romance and relationships. When you log in daily, take extra time to compliment someone on his or her outfit. Let them know you think they have an incredible smile and always use their first name if you know it. You’ll be surprised how quickly the boomerang effect will take place. You’ll feel like romance is just a click away.

Digital Foreplay

I’m a huge fan of sending romantic text messages leading up to your date. Sending a fun and flirty morning text message letting your date or significant other know that you’re excited about your date with a few xoxo’s will definitely add some romance to your love life.

Read: 20 Flirty Text Messages to Capture His Heart

Leave a Love Note

There’s something old fashioned and sexy about seeing a surprise love note on your pillow or in your bathroom drawer from the object of your affection. The best part, it’s a keepsake and can be looked at during the days and nights in between your next date.

Smile and be Confident

Believe it or not, you actually feel happier and more confident even when you’re smiling while on the telephone. Nobody can imagine romance with a “Debbie” or “Donnie Downer,” so smile at the grocery store, while standing in line at the bank or waiting for your turn at the ATM, or in an exercise class. You’ll come across as happier and don’t be surprised if a few heads turn.

First Date Rules – Be Proactive for Romance

Being passive on a date doesn’t help you in the romance department. Sure you don’t want to be too aggressive, but a survey from dating site Zoosk showed the squeaky wheel gets the romance deal with 34% of singles finding it most romantic when their date plans a surprise activity for their first date, with 27% liking to hold hands on the first date and 25% actually enjoying it when their date leans in for that first memorable kiss.

Schedule Date Nights

If you already have a steady loved one, you know how often relationships can end up in a rut after the first three months. When the honeymoon period starts to wane, if you’re not dating your mate and creating romantic memories, it’s easy for the relationship to fizzle out. Pick the same day each week and take turns selecting your date spot. You don’t have to break the bank, especially during Romance Awareness Month, as there are plenty of free concerts, where you can bring a picnic basket to or take the beach walk that so many swear they can’t wait to do.

Read: 5 Ways to Create a Great Date Night

Take that Beach Walk

Cliche as it may seem, many singles write that they enjoy taking beach walks on a date. Stop dreaming about it and schedule it with your date. Being barefoot on the beach with your toes in the sand is still the ultimate romantic date.

What romantic rituals help you in your relationship?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Mobile and Online Dating Expert. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and has been creating Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene for over two decades.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

Tinder Tales on The Tomorrow Show

Tomorrow ShowIf you missed our live stream on The Tomorrow Show with Kevin Undergaro on AfterBuzz TV, we tackled the subject of how difficult it can be while dating, using mobile dating apps, and finding a meaningful relationship.

In this segment, we were joined by several single daters with stories that will have you ROTFL.

I chimed in on what the daters were doing wrong and critiqued some online and mobile dating profiles.

Without further digital ado, and before swiping left or swiping right on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or more, watch our segment below for lessons and laughter of #TinderTales.

The dating segment starts at 1:07 below.

Spoiler alert: The best story was saved for last.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 2 decades. Julie’s Swiping Right program helps singles make the most of their Tinder profiles, regardless of their dating goals.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

Quote of the Day

Our Quote of the Day comes from the inspirational Louise Hay. Never give up hope and keep logging in while looking for love online.

“Somewhere, someone is looking for exactly what you have to offer.”

Quote of the Day

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow Online Dating Expert and dating coach @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram and sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt for dating advice.

They’re Engaged! – Steven and Melissa

They're Engaged - Cyber Dating ExpertMeet Steven and Melissa who met offline, but quickly fell in love and started seeing each other almost every day. After a month and a half of dating, Melissa ended their relationship, thinking he might not be the right person to be a father figure for her three children. Steven was heartbroken.

To make matters worse, Melissa ghosted Steven and stopped returning his calls and texts, unfriended him on Facebook and went her own way.

Steven was convinced that she was ‘the one’ and reached out to us while looking for a dating coach and expert to help get his girlfriend back. While no one can wave a magic wand and make someone return to their ex, we knew we could take a stab at it and came up with a strategy in our Irresistible Dating Coaching program for Steven to give it one last try.

Flash forward three months and the couple got back together and Steven proposed marriage to Melissa. Melissa said YES!

We are so thrilled to have helped this couple reunite after the ghosting episode and they are excited about their future together.

In Steven’s words, “Everything is wonderful and I want to thank you for everything. We’re madly in love and I couldn’t be happier.”

Congratulations to Steven and Melissa on your engagement. We wish you much love and joy in this new chapter of your life.

For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Find out how our Irresistible Profiles and Irresistible Coaching programs will help you find your dream date.


Moving From Best Friends to In a Relationship

Relationship and dating adviceDear Julie,

I’ve read your post, Dating Advice: Are we Dating or Just Hanging Out? and I want to ask you about my relationship situation.

My best friend and I just admitted we have feelings for each other. We have discussed what would happen if we did have a relationship and that we’ll remain best friends. He asked me what this makes us. I don’t know how to respond. I was going to say that we are just “us”. No labels just yet. I’m shy when it comes to relationships and I don’t really like other people knowing because I feel judged. I don’t want to call him my boyfriend yet and we aren’t “dating”. Are we just seeing each other?

Hi Autumn,

Some of the best relationship start as friends first, so you’re probably off to a good start.

There’s no need for a label until you start dating officially. Then you’re “dating.” Once you decide to become exclusive, it’s fair to say you’re “seeing each other.”

Eventually you might want to start calling him your boyfriend, but relationship labels don’t matter as much as feelings and if you’re on the same page.

A lot of people get hung up on having the DTR (Define the Relationship) talk and it can make or break a relationship if it happens at the wrong time.

Related: Dating Labels: Why Won’t He Call Me His Girlfriend?

As long as you have continuity in your relationship, keep communicating about your feelings, and are both happy with the pace, keep open to the possibilities of where it will lead. There’s no need to change your Facebook relationship status to make a big announcement. At some point, one of you might want it to become more serious than the other or you may just say you want to go back to friends. Time will tell.

I applaud you for admitting your true feelings and hope this relationship evolves into something that makes you both happy.

Keep me posted!


Do you have a dating, online dating, or relationship question? Submit your questions here to be answered in our Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love for over two decades.  For more dating advice, let’s stay social and FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for specials and relationship advice.

Do you want to read our bestselling dating book? The newly revised edition is available on Kindle on Amazon, Barnes and Noble Nook, and in an audio book on Audible!



Bumble and Spotify: A Musical Match That Will Work

Bumble SpotifyIt appears Bumble has been adding new features to their popular mobile dating app.

First they added gifs from gifphy to up users flirt game, which we adore, but aren’t sure how many people are using them.

Then it was the BFF, where you can find a friend (non-romantic) to hang out with. I actually saw a billboard on freeway on the way to Coachella, so they’re serious about making it a social networking app.

Then they announced that men also had 24 hours to reply to a message from the women to potentially prevent ghosting.

Now on their blog Bumble has announced they will be partnering with Spotify to bring music preference integration to user profiles. This is music to my digital ears and is a marriage I’m quite happy about.

We actually recommended Tastebuds as a potential dating app earlier this year for music lovers.

Here’s how Bumble’s music integration works:

Bumble will allow users to connect their Spotify accounts so that potential matches can view their most played artists and see what music tastes they have in common.

Bumble CEO and founder, Whitney Wolfe, told TechCrunch, “Music says a lot about who we are as people and connecting culturally can serve a foundation for creating meaningful relationships,” so clearly, it was only a matter of time before Bumble and Spotify teamed up for this new feature.

Over the next few weeks, users will be able to connect their Spotify accounts to their profiles. If you’re interested in an artist on someone’s profile, simply click the artist to open Spotify and begin opening your ears (and your heart) to your potential online love’s music taste.

Bumble SpotifyThis update will not only provide users with more information about each other before they decide to swipe right or left, but it will also create a conversation starter. “I see Adele is one of your top played artists. What’s your favorite album?” is a great way to delve into your digital crush’s preferences and show interest in what they like to listen to.

If you’re worried about guilty pleasure artists or songs you listen to that you wouldn’t want a potential digital crush to see, you have no need to worry. The Verge reported that artists streamed during private listening sessions won’t be counted when calculating who your most listened to artists are.

This new Spotify feature will also help put music lovers at ease. If you’ve ever been nervous about handing a new love the AUX cord in the car, now you’ll know their music interests ahead of time and won’t have to spend time worrying if they can be trusted to DJ in the car.

Will you be adding Spotify to your Bumble account?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of online dating and as a celebrity dating coach, has been helping singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs.  Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online .

For dating advice, like us at and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Interested in improving your odds on Bumble or Tinder? Check out SwipingRight to help you find your dream date.

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