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Would You Break Up Before Valentine’s Day?

valentine's BreakupValentine’s Day might be my favorite holiday, but not everyone feels the same.

One of you might still be paying off credit card bills from the December holiday season, while the other is expecting a ring, there might be an explosion on the 12th or 13th.

Many couples in relationships feel the huge pressure of stepping up to a deeper commitment when they’re not on the same page with their partner, especially on Valentine’s Day.

If you feel this way, you’re not alone. It’s also proposal season, where 6 million people are expected to get engaged on February 14th. 

If ring shopping isn’t on your mind, or in your budget, it might be time to have “the talk.”

If you’re single, just seeing candy hearts, chocolates, and flowers in the grocery store is enough to put your heads under the covers.

RELATED: The Post-Valentine’s Breakup

On KABC 7, Eyewitness News, I spoke with Coleen Sullivan and Ellen Leyva on everything Valentine’s.

When asked why so many people break up before Valentine’s Day, I weighed in with my thoughts about the day so many either love, or hate.

We’ve got you covered in the Valentine’s Survival Guide, regardless of your relationship status.

View Full Interview

RELATED: 7 Ways to Find a Date by Valentine’s Day

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 24 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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STUDY: The 2018 List of Best and Worst States for Single Daters

Wallet Hub online Dating

Should singles change their zip codes while looking for love online, or even take it further by moving to a more desirable state in the country?

A new study from WalletHub actually ranks all 50 states to determine the best and worst places for single daters.

The list breaks it down further into four categories.

  • Overall Rank
  • Dating Opportunities
  • Dating Economics
  • Romance & Fun

Digging deeper, the study shows the best states for online dating are:

  1. Washington
  2. Colorado
  3. New Hampshire
  4. Maryland
  5. Alaska

The worst states for online dating are:

  1. Mississipi
  2. Arkansas
  3. New Mexico
  4. West Virginia
  5. Louisiana

If you’re attached to your mobile phone and find yourself swiping left and right on mobile dating apps, the study shows a different digital picture.

wallet hub mobile dating

The best states for mobile dating apps are:

  1. Utah
  2. Maryland
  3. Colorado
  4. Massachusetts
  5. New Jersey

The worst states for mobile dating opportunities are:

  1. West Virginia
  2. Mississipi
  3. Arkansas
  4. Alabama
  5. Kentucky

Overall, California ranks as number one on the list. Perhaps the sunshine, Rose Bowl, and Disneyland contributed to that score. Just behind California is Florida, with New York coming in at number three.

Arkansas ranked at the bottom of the list as the worst place for singles.

This list shows the top 10 ranked states in the country.

Is your state on this list?

Wallet Hub Best States Dating

This map below, highlights each state to see where they rank.

Click on your state to find out the overall rank, and think about casting a wider net while looking for love online.

Source: WalletHub

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Do Singles Click “Add Friend” on Facebook Before a Date?

I regret to inform you I will not be liking your status.

To friend, or not to friend on Facebook and social media? That question has been brewing for over a decade for singles who are excited about dating someone new.

The 2018 Singles in America Study conducted by Match has revealed some social media etiquette rules on how over 5000 singles prefer to connect when it comes to dating in the digital age.

With so much information available on the Internet, it’s a piece of digital pie to become a cyber-sleuth. From stalking (we mean searching) on public profiles on Instagram or Twitter, to conducting a google image search, there’s so much we can find out in advance.

In their survey, they found nearly 2/3 of singles use social media daily, with both men and women using social media to research their date.

RELATED: To Friend, or Not to Friend on Facebook

Social Media Before the First Date

Match tackled the question in their study with a pop quiz, asking “When do you hit the ‘Add Friend’ button?

While the majority (41%) prefer taking it slow, both online and offline, and say they’d wait until after a few dates, still 19% of singles actually take the leap and ask to become friends before a first date.

Let’s keep in mind there’s so much digital foreplay going on with texting, calling, and chatting online, that by the time many get to a first date, they feel like they’ve been dating for a while.

Prior to the first date, 20% of singles said they would ‘like’ a photo and 23% would strike up a private chat in Facebook messenger or on Instagram.

RELATED: Rules of Netiquette – Dating in a Facebook World

Post-Date Social Media Rules

Similar to those who are quick to click to become friends, 18% say they will only send a friend request once the relationship became serious.

After all, if you’re dating multiple people and playing the field, you really won’t want your date to see your whereabouts when you’re not together.

The survey showed that singles are most comfortable becoming friends on Facebook (75%) after a few good dates, as well as 36% approve of following on Instagram, lagging with 34% adding on SnapChat, and 40% would tag someone in a post.

To Tag, or Not to Tag?

When in doubt about posting and tagging, always ask for permission. Remember some people use social media for business purposes, and others don’t want a relationship that could become complicated appearing in the news feeds of their friends.

Once it gets serious, 66% actually changed their profile photo to a couples picture and say it’s find to become Facebook official. However only 13% of singles surveyed do change their status to “In a Relationship.”

At what point in the dating process would you become friends on social media?

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

 

Mobile Love: 2018 Report – Singles Are Swiping More on Dating Apps

Liftoff Mobile Dating

Photo credit: Liftoff

As Valentine’s Day is upon us, the annual dating apps report from Liftoff, shows mobile dating app usage increased by 50% at the start of ‘Cuffing Season.

When weather gets colder and the desire to couple-up increases, your mobile phone can become both your BFF and your personal wingman or wingwoman.

With over 1500 dating apps to choose from, it becomes easier to find a date in a digital split second.

In a press release, Liftoff stated:

“New data from Liftoff shows that to get that cold-weather love, people are eschewing the “traditional” method of dating and turning to dating apps as their primary means of finding an S.O.”

According to the report, in January 2017, Tinder alone revealed it observes users spending around 90 minutes a day in-app, logging in at least 11 times.

Singles Join Dating Apps During Breakups and in Colder Weather

The data comes from more than two dozen of the top dating apps, and confirms the trends that singles will be flocking to dating apps during the times they are finding themselves single.

The famous Facebook breakup chart that we often talk about shows the peak times couples split, right before Christmas, and then again heading into Spring Break.

In their report, I was cited on the seasonal trends of breakups and increased mobile dating app usage.

Julie Spira, an award-winning dating coach and internationally recognized cyberdating expert, sums it up best. “Couples who look deliriously happy on Facebook are breaking up around Thanksgiving,” she writes on her blog advising readers to “let their mobile phone be their BFF” in the search for the right partner for the year ahead. 

Break up chart

Dating Apps are Going Global

Dating apps aren’t just a local-based. Thinking out of the box, most of the major apps are expanding internationally, now in 50+ countries, as reported by the BBC.  If your plans include travel and a Passport, make sure to open your apps while out of the country, to meet interesting people abroad.

Russia and Brazil top the list of the most downloads, with the US coming in at 25%.

Mobile Dating Apps

The report concludes:

“Today mobile and matchmaking are one in the same. Swiping in public is as popular as sending a text. It’s why the market is witnessing an avalanche of mobile dating apps, gaining traction (and market share) by appealing to Long Tail tastes for apps that help people nd dates, mates and even BFFs.”

To access this full report, visit Liftoff.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, is the creator of Mobile Dating BootCamp, and as an award-winning dating coach, has been helping singles find love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Is Dating Multiple People is a Good Idea

Dating Multiple People

A few questions we get asked often at Cyber-Dating Expert, is “how many people should I be dating at a time?”

“Can I date more than one person, and should I tell the people I’m dating that I am?”

I know it’s exciting to see so many people interested in meeting you and it can become overwhelming at times.

If you’re wondering what the magic number of people you should be dating at once is, or when you should become exclusive, my interview with Global news shares how to date, without becoming a player.

Dating Multiple People

Highlights of the interview are featured in this video.

For more dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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FULL STORY at Global News

Let’s Talk About Food – Zoosk Survey Reveals What Singles Should Order on a Date

via GIPHY

Let’s talk about food. It’s Thanksgiving week, which means that Christmas will be here in a digital minute.

With all of the food consumption going on during the holidays and with singles dating up a storm in ‘cuffing season,’ our friends at Zoosk decided to survey 7000 singles to gauge their feelings about the most popular food to eat on a date.

If you’re planning on perusing a menu, or cooking up a storm for your date, here are some surprising facts about food and online dating, to help you decide what to order on date night, or write in your profile to get more messages.

Food Fact 1: Guacamole is the Most Popular in a Profile. 

Food - guacamole

While you might think mentioning chocolate would get the most responses, it actually ranked at number three. While analyzing over 3.7 million dating profiles and more than 364 million first messages, those who mentioned “guacamole” in their profile received 144% more messages. Who knew that mashed avocados would be so sexy? In between the guacamole and chocolate, potatoes ranked at number two, with 101% more messages.

Food Fact 2: Fried Chicken and Yams are the Worst To Mention in a Profile.

via GIPHY

If you’ve got a craving for fried chicken or yams, don’t order it on a date, list it in your profile, or cook it for your date. The Zoosk survey found mentioning yams resulted in a 70% decrease in inbound messages, with fried chicken ranking with a 15% decrease.

Food Fact 3: Foodies are Sexy.

via GIPHY

While saying you’re a “foodie” can sound as cliché as “taking a beach” walk or going from “jeans to black tie,” it’s true that the way to a man’s heart is often through his stomach. With that in mind, if you really love unique restaurants and keep up on the latest food trends, say so. The survey found profiles that include the word “foodie” receive 82% more incoming messages, while those who mention the word “cook” receive 26% more incoming messages.

Food Fact 4: Seafood is the Most Popular Food to Order on a Date.

via GIPHY

Have a dinner date? If you love seafood, you’re at the top of the list. The survey showed that seafood ranked the highest at 19% for online daters for their favorite date-night food, while steak came in as a close second at 18%. Does sushi count as seafood? Well, almost. Sushi ranked at number 5 at 8%.

Food Fact 5: Chocolate Covered Strawberries are Still the Sexiest.

via GIPHY

When I cook a romantic dinner, often I will pick up chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. Next to feeding each other crème brûlée, it’s the most romantic dessert I know of, and the Zoosk survey agreed with 34% ranking it as number one. Wine and cheese came in second place at 28%. There’s no need to get too fancy, as caviar ranked at the bottom of the list at 1%.

Click here for complete details on the Zoosk survey.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

FIND OUT how Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

SIGN UP for the FREE WEEKLY FLIRT Newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

How to ACE Meeting His Adult Kids at the Holidays

 

Meeting Kids at Holidays

Being in a relationship with someone during your first holiday together can be both exciting, as well as filled with emotions and anxiety.

While meeting someone’s parents is a big deal, meeting your significant other’s children is a bigger deal. It’s quite possible they might have not met another woman besides their mother, and may be examining you with a cautious eye.

If your partner’s divorced or a single dad, chances are he’ll have family commitments that may or may not include you.

Before you start stuffing his turkey or filling his Christmas stocking with something fancy or coal, take a BIG deep breath and follow these tips to ensure they will love you just as much as your guy does.

1. Communicate. Talk to your significant other about logistics. Decide where you’ll be meeting his family and how long you’ll be staying there. Chances are his kids may want to see their friends as well over the holidays and meeting you won’t be as high on their priority list as it is on yours.

2. Control the PDA. While you’re used to being lovey-dovey together, there’s no getting around the fact that his kids will imagine you having sex with their dad. While they want to see him happy, they’d rather visualize the two of you fully clothed. Stick to hand holding and a hug and avoid sitting on his lap.

3. Include Laughter. Nothing will lighten up a potentially stressful situation (ie: meeting the family) than a joke and the ability to smile and laugh. Keep the jokes G-rated, regardless of the everyone’s age. Remember to stay positive and leave your baggage behind. If his kids see you’re a happy person, they’ll project to you making their dad happy as well.

4. Don’t Talk About Their Mom. The kids you’re meeting, even if they’re adult children, will always give their loyalty to their mom. Even if they realize the split was for the best, they will have years-and-years of memories of the family celebrating the holidays together.  Avoid the urge to say something about his ex, even if it’s sharing his mumbling sentiments, or a recent memory that gets brought to the table. They already have a mom and you’re not signing up to be an instant step-mother. Show respect for their mother to avoid any uncomfortable feelings.

5. Bring a Gift. If you’re going to their adult children’s home, bring a thoughtful gift, such as a holiday basket or a candle so you don’t show up empty-handed. Don’t do the complete opposite by smothering them with gifts from a stranger. If the kids are school-age, bring each of them a small gift, so they have something to open.

6. Avoid Taking Photos. Let your boyfriend or his kids be in charge of snapping photos when you meet. His family won’t be sure if you’ll be sticking around, so posting them on social media is a netiquette no-no.

7. Give a Hug. There’s something warm about hugging someone hello or goodbye. If you greet them with a handshake and your get together goes well, leave with a quick goodbye hug to show affection to your boyfriend’s kids, so they can welcome you warmly to the family and be happy for their dad.

Let your boyfriend know you’re excited you are to meet his children and that you’re proud that he thinks enough about your relationship to show that you’re officially a couple.

Remember, he’s nervous that it will go well too. Be genuine and warm.

Wishing you much love and joy at the holidays.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and was an early adopter of the Internet. Julie’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating coaching programs.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt Newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox

 

Photo Credit: Fotolia

Your Guide to Cuffing Season – Get Ready to Couple Up

via GIPHY

Hello Cuffing Season

In case you haven’t heard of ‘Cuffing Season,’ it’s the time of the year, usually from November 1st to February 15th when the weather is cooler, and when couples decide to become exclusive and find a significant other for the big holidays; Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day.

These days, during the first week in October when the weather changes, summer romances have faded, kids are back in school, the leaves start falling, and Halloween costumes appear in the stores, is a time where the desire to couple up starts to appear and continues to grow.

Some call it Pre-Cuffing Season right now. In my experience as a dating coach and online dating expert, cuffing season just seems to start earlier and earlier each year.

Cuffing Season Defined

Urban Dictionary defines ‘Cuffing Season’ as “Usually the colder months; i.e. fall or winter, when new relationships start and old relationships turn into engagements. The persons in said relationships are ‘cuffed,’ meaning that they no longer seek non-platonic relationships with others.”

For those who are finding themselves single, don’t be surprised if an old flame reappears, even if it was someone who had ghosted you.

During Cuffing Season, guys go back into old text messages on their phones, re-review their matches on Tinder or Bumble dating apps, and sign up for online dating sites to subconsciously start or restart a relationship.

5 Ways to Find a New Relationship This Fall

via GIPHY

With the change of seasons, brings an opportunity for a new beginning for many.

  1. Accept party and business invitations and force yourself to go.
  2. Smile wherever you go out in public. It’s contagious in a good way.
  3. Refresh your mobile dating and online dating profiles with new photos and a new bio.
  4. Engage with people you find interesting on Facebook who are single.
  5. Flirt on Instagram and other social media channels.

With the tragic shooting in Las Vegas, there’s been an unusual need to hug one another. If you’re in a relationship that’s new, you could want to feel closer, to feel protected, and to want to express your love to that person a bit sooner than you might have had.

So if you’re looking to kiss someone special under the mistletoe this holiday season, don’t wait until November 1st to focus on love.

As a dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile on your face and be approachable, as it really can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you just might want to be a participant in. Party invites from business networking events are starting to pile in, so RSVP and fill up your date card.

If you’re in a toxic relationship or one that makes you anxious or are walking on eggshells, it’s time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship just for the holidays prevents you from finding someone more compatible to create new memories with. The possibilities are endless!

If you need any hand holding, check out our Irresistible Profiles packages to help speed up your search.

Happy Cuffing Season.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Cuffing Season

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and instagram for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Find out how Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date during Cuffing Season.

 

How to Fall in Love This Fall Using Your Eyes

Flirt Using Eyes

 

Welcome Fall! There’s nothing more exciting than the change of seasons, and the possibilities of falling in love during fall leading into the holidays.

There are endless articles on how to fall in love using words, eyes, flirting gestures, using your sense of humor, but did you know you can fall in love just by staring at someone’s eyes?

Once upon a time ago, two people fell in love at first sight just by using their eyes. One of the two, was myself! There was something about this gentleman’s eyes that captured my attention. I kept staring at him and then turning my head away quickly, a bit nervously. When we finally started talking after 20 minutes of staring at each others eyes and smiling, it turned out we had the exact same colored eyes.

I wrote about that experience in my first published book  and know first-hand that this can actually work.

Perhaps I can say we fell in love at first eye-sight. Research has backed up this theory that you can fall in love with someone just through eye contact.

Then again, there are songs about eyes, such as, You’re Too Good to be True, Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You, Brown Eyed Girl, Green Eyes Lady, These Eyes, Spanish Eyes, and the list goes on.

Research and instinct prove that both men and women are visual. Either the see something shiny or someone attractive that they like, or they don’t. This is why popular dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are so popular and singles are swiping right in record numbers.

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we recommend that you ditch those sunglasses in your online dating profiles and mobile apps, and make sure your potential date can stare into your sparkling eyes.

Here are 31 facts on how to flirt with your eyes

  1. When two people in love gaze into each others’ eyes, their heartbeats synchronize with each other.
  2. Your eyes dilate almost 50% wider when you look at someone you love or fancy.
  3. When flirting, a woman will look at someone, then quickly look away and wait 30 seconds if she’s interested.
  4. Perfect vision makes it easier to fall in love at first sight.
  5. Gazing straight into a stranger’s eyes can make them fall in love.
  6. Rapid blinking may mean someone is attracted to you.
  7. Women will find a man attractive if another woman is looking at smiling at him.
  8. When someone who finds you attractive locks eyes with you, they automatically go up a notch on your love barometer.
  9. Sparkling eyes show strong emotions.
  10. People with a strong connection of love hold eye contact for longer periods of time.

Plus 21 more fun facts in this Infographic below.

Flirting Eyes Infographic

 
Courtesy of: Optilase.com
 
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet and mobile dating, and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

Tinder Love Story – Rachel and Jason

Tinder Jason and Rachel

Meet Rachel and Jason who fell in love on the Tinder mobile dating app. She shared how the two met with some heartwarming details about their courtship.

When Rachel first saw her now-husband on Tinder, she said, “I thought he was handsome!  Initially, all I had to go off of were his pictures. One in particular, of him standing in a park in a navy hoodie got me. He was good looking but there was also something warm about his smile. To be honest, he seemed out of my league but I went for him anyway.”

RELATED: A Love Expert Critiqued Our Tinder Profiles

How long did it take to meet “IRL” (in real life) and when did your courtship begin?

“Interestingly, we agreed to make plans almost right away as we had initial good banter back and forth and enough in common that I felt comfortable meeting…. but we scheduled the actual date a couple of weeks out. I had just moved to L.A. and wasn’t free for a couple of weeks for what would end up being my second Tinder date ever, and on his end (while I didn’t realize it at the time), he had been out on so many Tinder dates prior to meeting me that his expectations were not exceedingly high, so he was totally content to wait.”

When did you know or become exclusive (how long before?) and how did you know he/she was the one?

“I would say we went from 0-60 very quickly.  Our first date was February 13th, 2014 we both went strategically radio silent on Valentine’s Day and then we made plans and went out on our second date on February 15th.  I think we were formally exclusive within the first 2 months, although truthfully, I was probably a little slower than he was to get the memo.

RELATED: These Names Will Get You the Most Right Swipes on Tinder

I had literally just moved to L.A. from New York a month and a half prior, and was going out of my way to meet new people.  And I was coming from Manhattan where people just didn’t seem to take dating quite as seriously as they do in L.A.  My husband claims he had worked his way through half of Tinder before meeting me and was a little burnt out on the process and thus ready to be serious. It was so refreshing to actually meet a guy who was interested in getting to know me, spending time with me and who was not looking to play games.”

Rachel and Jason have been together for 3.5 years now. They’re married and have a 7-month-old baby girl.

RELATED: Oh no! She Found Her Boyfriend on Tinder

Congratulations to Rachel and Jason, our Tinder Love Story.

Photo credit: Camilla Greenwell

Have you met someone special on Tinder or other mobile dating apps? We’d like to hear from you. 

CONTACT US to share your story.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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