My how time flies! It’s hard to believe that we are in the final month of the year, the month where we celebrate with friends and loved ones, decorate our homes, and fill our calendars with holiday parties.
December is also the time of year where singles want to couple up BIG time and looking for love online is at the top of the list.
I shared in a previous blog the article in the New York Post, where a survey from our friends at Match showed that the number one gift for singles is…. a date. Yes indeed. Finding a date for the holidays ranked higher than picking out the latest tech gadget.
With that in mind, here are 5 online and mobile dating tips to help you find love and your one in 50 million online.
- Swipe Right. Yes. Apps like Tinder are responsible for some serious relationships, so ditch your old thoughts about hookups only with mobile dating apps and start swiping right.
- Favorite your Digital Crush. Online dating is a numbers game, but it’s so easy to get lost in the digital shuffle. To stand out, Super Like your match on Tinder, say yes to your daily matches on Match, and favorite or hot list someone to get their attention
- Don’t Wait. Initiate. Just because someone viewed your profile, doesn’t mean you should sit back and wait for the email to arrive. To fill your date card, you MUST be proactive. That means logging in daily, seeing who viewed your profile, and writing to 5-10 new people a day.
- Snap New Photos. While your Facebook and Instagram profiles are up-to-date with fresh new photos, your online dating profile just might need a digital face-lift. The first place to start is with the photos. Grab a few from your social networking sites or better yet, enlist the help from a friend who has a great digital camera. Snap 100 photos in 5 different outfits and have a photo selection party with your BFFs. They’ll help you select the best pics. P.S. Remember to wear red and ditch the little black dress. Red is the color of love, passion, and the stop sign. It’s also the signature color for the holidays.
- Meet IRL. The point of Internet dating isn’t to have a digital pen-pal. It’s to meet someone amazing who you click with, who you can think about every morning when you wake up. You can’t find him or her if you don’t take your relationship from online to offline. Schedule a short phone chat and if the chemistry is there, add him or her to your date card and meet in person.
As always, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating and has been helping singles find love online and on their mobile phones for over 20 years. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.
It’s starting to get chilly outside and singles and couples alike are starting to think about bundling up with someone special for the holidays. Just yesterday, we had rain in Los Angeles, which is unusual and I bundled up with my ski parka as the temperatures dipped.
In case you haven’t heard of it, it’s officially ‘Cuffing Season.’ You might wonder what exactly ‘Cuffing Season’ is, so here’s the scoop.
What is Cuffing Season?
Cuffing season starts in the fall when the weather starts to change, kids go back to school, and the leaves start to fall on the ground. Suddenly you’ll notice friends of yours who claim to be forever single appearing at a party with a significant other or new boyfriend or girlfriend. Others will flock to online dating sites to hope to connect with someone for the holidays. To be honest here, it’s a busy time for singles looking for love online as they imagine kissing under the mistletoe with someone special or toasting a glass of bubbly on New Year’s.
In thinking back to my past, I can honestly say that several of my relationships started in the fall and solidified in November to being exclusive. Did they know it was ‘Cuffing Season?’ Probably not.
So my friends and tweethearts, as a dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile on your face and be approachable, as it really can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you just might want to be a participant in. Party invites from business networking events are starting to pile in, so RSVP and fill up your date card.
It’s time to embrace the month we are to be the most thankful for with Thanksgiving around the corner. Time is speeding fast and there are plenty of singles that will be excited to have you in their life.
If you’re in a toxic relationship or one that makes you anxious or are walking on eggshells, it’s time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship for the holidays just prevents you from finding someone more compatible to create new memories with. The possibilities are endless!
If you need any hand holding, check out our Irresistible Profiles packages to help speed up your search.
Happy Cuffing Season.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
~Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
It’s an honor and joy to announce that Dr. Gary Penn has invited me, along with Shannon Colleary to his LIVE PODCAST event in Los Angeles on Wednesday, October 21, 2015.
If you’re struggling to find a great relationship or are trying to get out of a dead-end one, this event is for you.
For only $25 you’ll receive:
Wine, nibbles and a great interactive coaching workshop with Dr. Penn and his guests: Life Coach Shannon Colleary and myself, Julie Spira, America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker!
We’ll be fielding audience questions, (anonymously, due to the podcast) which will serve as “mini” sessions for the entire group.
Dr. Penn has certainly walked the walk. He has learned a great deal in his quest to find a loving and connecting relationship. He knows how difficult it is to find “the one”. He is committed to increasing your odds!
He brings not only his clinical knowledge to this workshop, but also his personal experience to help you work on the self-awareness and emotional availability necessary to find and sustain a loving, healthy relationship.
He’ll help you achieve a state of psychological awareness while teaching you his unique communication and dating skills.
Life Coach Shannon Colleary, best known for her “Asshat Recovery Program” articles on The Huffington Post, is an expert in helping her clients break their addiction to toxic relationships.
Like Dr. Penn, Shannon has walked-the-walk to recovery, ending her last toxic relationship by using steps inspired by the 12-step programs. After which, Shannon attracted a loving, stable, funny man she’s been married to for fifteen years.
And now she’s helping her clients to do the same thing.
Plus, I’ll be there live and on the podcast as well.
Here’s a bio for me:
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and is a frequent guest in the media, having appeared in over 650 news stories on the intersection of love and technology. She was named the “Pioneer of Online Dating” by Cosmo and was listed in the Top 10 Dating Advice Columnists to Follow on Twitter.” Her Irresistible Profiles programs have helped millions of singles speed up their search to find love online. Julie will be discussing the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online and will help demystify the cryptic text messages that women and men send to each other.
Here are some results you can expect from this 3-hour workshop:
- You’ll discover why you’re attracted to certain types of people; i.e. emotionally troubled, unavailable people, or people who want to quickly fall in “love” and fuse with you.
- You’ll leave with actionable tasks to break your addiction to a toxic relationship, if you’re in one.
- You’ll have a new skill set to approach dating.
- You will have all the secrets of how to approach online dating.
You’ll have clarity about what you really want and need and how to appropriately convey that when dating someone new.
Who this workshop is for:People who are motivated to make a change in their lives with this kind of attitude:
- “Enough is enough! Tomorrow doesn’t have to be like today. I can change!”
- “I can take control of my life instead of constantly feeling disappointed and hopeless!”
- “I can identify my psychological blind spots and learn new and highly functional ways of connecting.”
“It’s time for me to stand tall and move forward with confidence and optimism.”
Who this workshop isn’t for:
- People who are invested in staying in the victim role.
- People who aren’t willing to take responsibility for their choices and their life.
- People who blame others for their hopelessness and misery.
- People who want to continually live in the past, which keeps them from fulfillment in the present.
That Bat time and Bat channel again? Wednesday Oct. 21st from 7-10 p.m.
The Roc Center, 607 Arizona Ave. Santa Monica, Ca. Between 6th and 7th street, one-block north of Santa Monica Blvd. (310) 450-ROCK (7625).
How big is this event?
We can only take 90 people.
Can men come too?
Yes, this is a co-ed event.
Do I have to talk?
We would suggest that you ask all of your burning questions. However you’re not obligated to speak. You can absolutely learn a lot just by listening to what other people ask and the responses they receive.
FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.
National Romance Awareness Month gives you the opportunity and excuse to jump out of your rut and your comfort zone and think about how you can add more romance to your life, regardless of your relationship status.
Although romance is a 24-hour a day 7-day a week topic, in hot steamy month of August, romance does gets an extra boost.
To celebrate this month, try doing some extra romantic things for your date so they’ll be thinking about you all day long.
Here are seven tips to ramp up the romance in your life, with or while your looking for a romantic partner.
As one who spends a lot of time helping singles with their online dating profiles, I can’t help but stress that it’s one of the simplest ways to think about romance and relationships. When you log in daily to your online dating site, take extra time to compliment someone on his or her outfit. Let them know you think they have an incredible smile. You’ll be surprised how quickly the boomerang effect will take place. You’ll feel like romance is just a click away.
I’m a huge fan of sending romantic text messages leading up to your date. Sending a fun and flirty morning text message letting your date or significant other know that you’re excited about your date with a few xoxo’s will definitely add some romance to your love life.
Leave a Love Note
There’s something old fashioned and sexy about seeing a surprise love note on your pillow or in your bathroom drawer from the object of your affection. The best part, it’s a keepsake and can be looked at during the days and nights in between your next date.
Smile and be Confident
Believe it or not, you actually feel happier and more confident even when you’re smiling while on the telephone. Nobody can imagine romance with a “Debbie” or “Donnie Downer,” so smile at the grocery store, while standing in line at the bank or waiting for your turn at the ATM, or in an exercise class. You’ll come across as happier and don’t be surprised if a few heads turn.
First Date Rules – Be Proactive for Romance
Being passive on a date doesn’t help you in the romance department. Sure you don’t want to be too aggressive, but a survey from dating site Zoosk showed the squeaky wheel gets the romance deal with 34% of singles finding it most romantic when their date plans a surprise activity for their first date, with 27% liking to hold hands on the first date and 25% actually enjoying it when their date leans in for that first memorable kiss.
Schedule Date Nights
If you already have a steady loved one, you know how often relationships can end up in a rut after the first three months. When the honeymoon period starts to wane, if you’re not dating your mate and creating romantic memories, it’s easy for the relationship to fizzle out. Pick the same day each week and take turns selecting your date spot. You don’t have to break the bank, especially during Romance Awareness Month, as there are plenty of free concerts, where you can bring a picnic basket to or take the beach walk that so many swear they can’t wait to do.
Take that Beach Walk
Cliche as it may seem, many singles write that they enjoy taking beach walks on a date. Stop dreaming about it and schedule it with your date. Being barefoot on the beach with your toes in the sand is still the ultimate romantic date.
What romantic rituals help you in your relationship?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.
We’re jumping for joy at Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters to be featured on Cosmopolitan this week. We know breakups really suck. We know we can’t help but obsess about our ex, especially if they’ve already moved on with someone new.
Still, in order for us to move on to find a healthier relationship, we’ve got to stop thinking about him or her, knock them off the pedestal, because there is a reason you broke up, right? It’s time to fall in love with your self, mourn the loss and we’re here to help you.
Many thanks to Frank Kobola from Cosmo who reached out to include is in his article, 7 Signs the Way You’re Dealing with Your Breakup is Unhealthy.
If you’re taking your breakup too hard, read these tips so you can speed up your recovery.
From reaching out to your girlfriend network to support you without draining them, to stalking his or her Facebook and Instagram accounts, Frank’s article gives you all the ammunition you need to wash your ex out of your life.
Full article on Cosmopolitan.com
Recently I met this girl and she gave me her number.
We started texting and calling each other. Then I called her one day and we talked for about 30 minutes, so I thought everything was great.
One day later I sent her a text and she didn’t write back (one day has passed since I texted her).
My question is should I text her back again or should I just forget her?
Dear Texting Guy,
To text, or not to text. That is always a big question we get from our readers who anxiously wait by their phone counting the digital minutes and seconds waiting for the chime sound of a text reply.
Take a deep breath. It’s only been one day since you sent a text that didn’t result in a reply from your new digital crush. While texting etiquette, or our Rules of Netiquettestate that you should reply within 24-hours to a text and most daters think any text that isn’t responded to in four hours means someone isn’t interested, often there are other circumstances which prevent a text reply right away.
You see, lots of things can happen when you send a text. Here are a few reasons why she might not have written back.
1. Her battery ran out.
2. Her phone was turned off.
3. She was on an airplane or in a bad cell reception area.
4. She was at a movie or out with friends and decided she’d get back to you later and just forgot.
5. She’s playing hard to get.
6. She’s not interested in you romantically.
7. She’s got a boyfriend.
Of all of these scenarios, you can look at the first few and realize she was just busy and try texting her again. If she’s involved with someone, you’ll probably find out soon enough.
The point is, we can value ourselves based on a text message that wasn’t returned. What you can do is send a short, flirty, and fun text a day or two later saying, “Hey.. How’s your day going?” This low pressure text message which asks a question might result in her getting back to you and your banter can continue.
What I don’t want to see you do is text her 4, 5, 6, 7 times in one day, because as a guy, it’s your job to make her feel safe to be around you. If you continue to text her without a reply over-and-over again, she might block you or think you’re overanxious, or worse yet, may even think you’re a stalker.
Don’t be that guy, because every woman wants to be with a confident guy. We don’t like game playing when it comes to text messages, and genuinely love to hear from you, so stay on the digital radar. You can take it one step further and actually call her if you have something fun to invite her to.
Do you have questions about your digital love life or need dating advice? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twiter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
You meet a guy and the chemistry is off the charts. You exchange numbers and start texting regularly. You get in a groove, start dating IRL or just have a regular daily text exchanges and POOF after a few weeks or a month, he disappears without warning.
Ghosting, the cowardly phenomenon where a woman or a man go from really into you to disappearing completely without an explanation is something I’m getting more and more emails about every day.
I have been on ten or more dates with this guy. We both agreed to see how things go. We both admitted we are into each other and we are not dating other people, however- we are not exclusive.
He had suddenly pulled away without warning after consistently talking for 6 weeks or so.
I am in agony right now as everything was going so well. I know men lie, but why did he tell me he saw a future with me when he didn’t mean it!?
My Dear Harriet:
In the world of dating, it takes time to get to know someone.
Six weeks can be a typical time for someone to decide to move a relationship forward to become exclusive.
I’m so sorry that you’re in pain, but did he really lie? He was feeling good about the relationship in the early honeymoon days so he projected to the future because if felt good.
You both decided to give it a shot and for some reason he wasn’t sure. You say you weren’t exclusive, which allows both of you to keep your options open. Now I haven’t spoken to your guy so I don’t know if he pulled away because he was getting too close or pulled away because he met someone else. He may have unilaterally decided that the two of you didn’t have enough in common to take it to the next level. He may have been hung up on an ex, not ready, or gone back with her. You didn’t say if you slept with him or not. There are to many unknowns here.
My best advice is to move forward with your life and start dating again. You might be surprised to find someone you even like more than the guy who did the pull-back.
However, you should know that sometimes guys need their space. They go into their caves to think and need time to decide if they miss you or not. It’s true that men miss you when you’re apart. The worst thing you can do if this is the case, is to chase after him wanting an answer, closure, or call him a liar. He was feeling it then. He isn’t feeling it now or may be confused.
Just live your life and be open to meeting someone else and realize that this is the typical course of dating. If he comes back, it means he took the time to think about a deeper relationship with you. If he didn’t, it was a six-week casual relationship. Think about it. You might have been the one after six weeks that had a change of heart about him!
Sure it stinks when someone disappears and you’re a victim of ghosting. It’s wrong, but very common these days. People don’t like to have a confrontation so they ghost. Keep me posted and do something special for yourself. Exercise or go to a movie with a friend.
By the time he comes back, if he comes back, you might no longer be interested in him.
I’ve been seeing this guy for three weeks now who I met online and we’ve gone out about 5 times. He seemed to be really interested in getting to know me and he sent me texts every day. Suddenly out of nowhere the texts came to a screeching halt. Not one phone call, no explanation. I guess I’ve been ghosted, but why?
My Dear Robin:
Three weeks is nothing in the dating world. If you met him online, chances are he’s still dating online and you both have active Internet dating or mobile dating profiles. He was probably playing the field, while you put all of your eggs in one basket.
If he’s going to ghost you (and boy do I hate when that happens), I’d rather it be sooner than later before your heart was completely invested. Chances are he met someone else or even already had a girlfriend when he first started contacting you and was testing the water. We unfortunately live in a world with too many options these days. One uncertainty leads to logging on to a Tinder profile.
Sure an explanation would have been good, but in today’s digital world, texting plays a huge part in the courting process. Since he didn’t send you a text to say, “Sorry, I don’t think we’re a fit,” he just may plan on reaching out again in a few weeks after he sees what else is out there. Hopefully by then, you’ll have met someone and won’t have any interest in the disappearing ghosting guy.
Keep me posted.
Have you ever been ghosted?
Send your dating questions and share your stories at CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Need help with your Tinder profile? Find out how our Swiping Right program will help you find your dream date.
As Mother’s Day approaches, it’s time to take a look at the online dating behaviors of single moms and what their children think of their dates. If you think being a single mom reduces your chance of finding love online, this is a misconception among many others. Read on.
According to dating site PlentyOfFish, a survey of their users revealed that 44% of women dating are line are single moms and their reasons for going online and what they’re looking for may surprise you. With almost 28% of single moms admitting they’ve been dating online for over three years, this survey states that they might not be looking for a knight in white armor.
What’s exciting for single moms, it is turns out they’re finding love 10% faster than women without children at home. Does this mean you should post photos of your children in your online dating profile? As an online dating expert and dating coach, I’m not a fan of having your children appear as your primary profile photo, but believe it’s important to state within the text portion of your profile that you’re proud of your children (and list their ages). It turns out that an overwhelming 76% of single moms do indeed mention their children and/or post photos of them in their profiles.
According to POF:
Like many online daters, single mothers are looking for partners they can relate to. Accordingly, they are 3.4 times more likely to date a single father than childless women are. In contrast, single moms are half as likely to date childless men as women with no children are.
But what do the kids have to say about their mom’s dates?
According to POF, 63% of moms said they’d consider their child’s disapproval of a potential partner as a major red flag or a deal-breaker.
Other key findings include:
- 1.2% are interested in meeting a clone of their ex, while 60.28% said they didn’t have a type.
- 51.81% will introduce their date to their children once they are in a monogamous relationship.
- 54.98% said that with their busy schedule, there was no time to meet anyone anywhere else.
- 53.99% said that online dating allowed them to get to know someone without sacrificing time with their kid(s).
- 56.97% are dating online to find a partnership, as compared to less than 1% who are looking for financial support.
- 62.29% will go online whenever they can find a spare second, followed by weekday nights when their kids are asleep.
On this Mother’s Day, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. To find out how you can have an Irresistible Online Dating Profile, visit CyberDatingExpert.com and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.
It was a joy and pleasure to be a guest on Larry King Now, with guest host Katherine Schwarzenegger on the topic of mobile dating, Tinder, online dating, and dating in the Digital Age.
In the full segment, “Swipe Right: Dating in the Digital Age,” I was joined by Grant Langston from eHarmony, Psychologist Rob Weiss, and Johnny Drubel.
From how many photos to put on your profile to finding love and hooking up, watch Katherine and I discuss the segment below:
Expert Opinion: How to Create Your Best Dating Profile
Full interview: Swipe Right: Dating in the Digital Age
Today, Meghan Trainor released her song, “Dear Future Husband” on Cosmopolitan and we couldn’t resist sharing it for our Cyber Love Song of the Week.
Besides, being adorable and poppy, she provided a list of things if you’d like to be her “one-and-only.”
Her list will show her future husband why she’ll make the perfect life. From going on a date, being treated like a lady, remembering anniversaries and more, this pop song will be enjoyed by both girls and guys who are confused about dating online or IRL. (She even gives a shout out to POF).
Enjoy the music!
Click here for more Cyber Love Songs.