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Valentine’s Gifts for Every Relationship Stage

Is gift giving for Valentine’s always complicated? We know the pressure of Valentine’s is on. You can’t help but notice the red candy boxes everywhere you go.

If you’re wondering what to get the new person you just started dating for Valentine’s Day, or perhaps want to get something for your long-time love, gift selection can be confusing, regardless of your relationship status.

Here’s our Valentine’s gifts cheat sheet for all relationship statuses.

Newly dating – If you’ve only had a few dates and aren’t exclusive yet, bringing her 1 dozen red tulips will brighten her Valentine’s Day. You won’t be splurging for expensive roses or going overboard, but will still have the impact of bringing her flowers. Start her day off by sending her a fun Valentine’s e-card. I’m a big fan of Jib-Jab, where you can customize the card with a photo of yourself or send a video card. Bringing her lingerie sends a message that you’re only looking for sex (who isn’t?), but at this point she should be selecting her her own lingerie. A gift card for a mani/pedi will always be appreciated.

Going Steady – Honeymoon Phase (1-3 months) – If you’ve been dating for a month or two, she’ll be expecting to be your Valentine’s date if geography doesn’t get in the way. At this point, bring her a gift certificate for a massage at her favorite spa, offer to cook her a meal and have in-room-dining and bring flowers.  Other fun items include sending her a box of chocolate covered strawberries, or bringing a bottle of her favorite wine or champagne. This way you can feed each other when it’s time for dessert.

Getting Serious – Imperfect Phase (4-6 months) – By now you’ve become an item. You might have even changed your Facebook relationship status to “In a Relationship” and have a drawer at her place. When you’re headed towards the half-year mark, she’ll want to receive roses from you. There are plenty of great sites online for you to order flowers from, or you can go to your local grocery store to pick up a dozen. When a woman doesn’t get flowers on Valentine’s Day, she starts to wonder if you’re still swooning over her. If you’ve taken a trip away together, bring her a personalized gift such as a silver framed photo of the two of you to memorialize your vacation together.

Totally in Love – Over 6 months  Once you’re headed towards the one-year mark, it’s time to up the ante in the love department. She’s going to want something very personal. If jewelry is in your budget, getting her a sterling silver heart necklace, trinket, or bracelet from Tiffany & Company, may end up on your list. If it’s too pricey, you can order a less expensive one on Amazon to show her that you care. For those of you ready to step it up, but aren’t ready to pop the Q, give her a lovely commitment ring. It will show you have all 10 toes in, without getting engaged or setting a wedding date.

It’s Complicated – The ex and almost ex – If your relationship is winding down or you’ve recently broken up, should you acknowledge someone who you didn’t go the distance with? Studies have shown that 20% of singles actually text an ex on Valentine’s Day. Whatever you do, don’t send mixed messages and send flowers to someone, when you’re in the arms of another. Trust me, it will sting. You can send them a birthday present, congratulate them on their new job, and call them on holidays to say hello. That is acceptable for every holiday, but Valentine’s Day. If you’ve moved on, sending chocolate covered strawberries shouldn’t be on your gift list. The best gift you can give, is the gift of time, so you both can move on.

What will you be giving as a Valentine’s gift this year?

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

 

Tinder vs. IRL: A Digital Peek at #OnTinderAtTinder

Tinder #OnTinderAtTinderRecently, media outlet Someecards asked their readers to submit what they look like in pictures on their Tinder profiles compared to what they look like while browsing Tinder. The striking difference between the two is hilarious as, according to Someecards, the tweets sent in “fully support the stereotype that women on dating sites are mostly cat lady shut-ins.”

The hashtag’s full meaning is “How I look on Tinder” vs. “How I Look at Tinder” to expose the truth behind the photos we select for the mobile dating profile, as compared to how perfect we try to look to guarantee a right swipe on dating apps.

#OnTinderAtTinder Tinder Viral Hashtag

#OnTinderAtTinder went viral and the submissions are still pouring in. We all put forth the best, most swipe-able versions of ourselves online, according to Bustle, and I don’t disagree.

Related: Boyfriend is on Tinder. Should I Break Up With Him

While you work hard to present the best possible pictures of yourself on social media, and especially on dating apps, it’s important to remain genuine and real. Since you can select the best 6 photos from Facebook, and now from your camera roll as well, we’ll leave the swiping frenzy up to you.

Posting any photos online, whether it be on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or even Tinder, you should take the extra care to look your best. From choosing the right angle and proper lighting to picking the perfect filter (or sometimes multiple filters), you need to constantly make sure you’re putting your best digital foot forward. This new movement of honesty is a gentle reminder to be “just you” on social media, while still poking fun at the striking difference between our online and in-person appearances.

Related: Swipe Regret on Tinder? There’s Help for You

This viral hashtag sheds light on the fact that singles don’t show who they really are online. It also pokes fun at the superficial premise of Tinder.

With over 10 million members, over 9 billion matches and over 16 million swipes per day, now you can see your potential date in real time and decide if the real Tinder pictures are worth swiping right on, or not. Then again, it’s sill the quickest way to fill up your date card for Valentine’s.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and is the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie and her team create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more relationship advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

View our book trailer for The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, NEWLY REVISED with a magical epilogue and Bonus Audio Dating Advice.

10 Valentine’s Date Ideas That Won’t Break the Bank

Valentine's Dating IdeasIf you’re wondering what to do for Valentine’s Day and are on a budget,  we’ve come up with 10 out-of-the-box, fun and creative Valentine’s Day things to do with your significant other or date.

If the idea of buying a box of chocolates and one dozen roses sounds so cliché to you, you’ll enjoy these activities, regardless of your relationship status.

Let’s help you make it an evening, or weekend to remember.

1. Take a Dance Class Dancing to tango music can be very romantic. Dress up for the occasion and find a class near you. If tango isn’t your style, try salsa or hip-hop as an alternative. It will get your body moving and can get you in the mood for a romantic and memorable evening. Even if you can’t find a class anywhere, take your Valentine dancing at a local spot with live music anyway!

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2. Create a Digital Scavenger HuntWe know you’re attached to your mobile phones and tablets (it’s okay, so are we), so create a little mystery with your very own personalized scavenger hunt. Not sure where to start? Begin the day with a “Happy Valentine’s Day” text and send the first clue. When she arrives at the destination, send her a second clue requesting a Skype or FaceTime chat where you can wish each other a Happy Valentine’s Day, video style. Third, send another text message on where you’d like her to go next. Have her pampered with a manicure or pedicure to get ready for your big date night, or even send her to a spa for a relaxing massage. Fourth, at the end of the day, post a lovey picture of the two of you on her Facebook page for her and her friends to ‘like.’ Finally, send her a digital invitation with the exact location for your Valentine’s date. Remember to take photos along the way and share them on all of your social media accounts so everyone can see how you celebrated with you love.

Related: How to Land a Date for Valentine’s

3. Go Ice Skating.  Whether it’s ice-skating or roller-skating, take your Valentine to the closest rink in town. You’ll find yourselves reminiscing about your childhood memories, while you get a little physical activity. Remember to catch her if she falls!

4. Book His-and-Her Massages.  Having warm oil massaged into your body is surely a treat. If your relationship hasn’t moved in that direction yet, book Swedish massages for the two of you in separate rooms, so you both can enjoy the experience and compare notes afterwards and say hello to relaxation.

5. Go Wine TastingMany local wine bars allow you to stop by and taste several options before deciding on your favorite selection. Take your date to a bar known for their wine tastings, where you both can get a wine card for samples and compare notes. At the end of the night, buy him or her their new favorite bottle for the two of you to share on another date night.

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6. Enjoy In-Room Dining.  If you’ve waited until the last minute and realize that your date’s favorite restaurant is already booked, no need to fret! Pretend you’re on vacation and opt for an in-room dining alternative. You can take care of the appetizers and main course, but ask your date for input on the dessert the menu. Create great ambiance with candles, music, rose petals, and perhaps a bouquet of red tulips, if roses aren’t in your budget. After that romantic dinner, there’s not need to get a room. You’re already there.

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Related: Would you Text and Ex for Valentine’s

7. Make it About Music. There’s something uber romantic about sharing music with the one you love (or like). Plus, Shakespeare said, “If music be the food of love, play on.” Make your Valentine’s a night of music.   Buy your Valentine a music CD or create a playlist, then stay in and watch a recorded concert on TV. Download a mobile app where you can name that tune and see who wins.Make a music playlist for him or her as a gift, then go out to hear some live music together. If your date’s favorite band might be playing in the near future, surprise them and pick up some tickets as a gift. Hello Coachella and Stagecoach! If the show is months away, watch some live concerts on TV together and download some music to listen to together, so you can get pumped for the concert.

8. Go to an Amusement Park.  There’s something romantic about riding the Ferris wheel,  especially when it stops and you’re feeling like you’re on top of the world. Remember to kiss your Valentine when you’re staring at the stars together. Then hold your date tight as you ride the roller coaster together. Show them you’re there to protect him or her. Snap some photos and post them on Instagram (with permission from your date).

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9. Take a Cooking Class.  Guys actually enjoy being creative in the kitchen. It helps with relaxation, so take him to a cooking class, where the two of you can whip up a fancy meal. Find a place to go for dessert together, with your menus in hand and order chocolate. It’s the ultimate aphrodisiac.

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10. Go to a Fortune Teller or Psychic.  He love me, he loves me not? Stop by a fortune teller or card reader with your Valentine to see what the future will hold. Don’t worry, you don’t need to kiss-and-tell after your turn.

P.S. Take your profile down before Valentine’s Day. It’s a leap of good faith that will help you have a Happy Valentine’s Day.

How will you be celebrating Valentine’s Day this year?

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and is the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie and her team create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more relationship advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter and follow @Julie Spira on Instagram and Twitter.

View our book trailer for The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, NEWLY REVISED with a magical epilogue and Bonus Audio Dating Advice.

 

#Snowmageddon: 7 Dating Ideas During a Blizzard

Snowstorm - Cyber Dating ExpertBundle up. It looks like a snowstorm may be headed your way. It’s another #Snowmageddon scheduled for the East Coast.

Believe it or not, being snuggled up with your new date is uber romantic in a blizzard.

Before you cancel your date, here are 6 tips to help you fall in love, or “like” with snow.

1. Go on a Skype or FaceTime Date

Still have electricity or a full battery on your computer? Get dressed up with what you’d wear on a date, remember to put on your lipstick ladies, and both of you grab a glass of wine or bubbly for the occasion. Log on and have a virtual date rather than canceling.

2. Binge Watch on Your favorite Shows or Films

Snuggled up with your date? Why not spend the day or evening binge watching some romance on Netflix if you can’t be at work. From Downton Abbey to Friends, or finding a classic rom-com,  you’ll be bonding with your sweetie and won’t be able turn off the TV.

3. Build a Snowman

If you can make it to his or her home, once the snow settles in, bundle up and go outside to build a snowman or make a snow angel. It’s playful and will bring you back to your youth. In between, indulge with a snowball fight or two.

4. Answer these 36 Love Questions

A Modern Love column on the New York Times reads, To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This. These questions from Psychologist Dr. Aron suggest they can help you fall in love with anybody. Some questions include: Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life and Tell your partner something that you like about them. This exercise should help you get to know each other better and has been known to be responsible for some marriages.

Not sure if that’s realistic or not? Why not give it a try.

5. Create an Indoor Scavenger Hunt

If the geography and transportation allow you to keep your scheduled date, a great way to make it fun and flirty is to create a treasure or scavenger hunt in your home. To do this, place romantic clues in envelopes around your house and number them. At each location, there will be a love note with suggestions for a kiss, a back rub, a foot massage, or whatever your imagination will allow.

6. Write a Traditional Love Note

If your electricity is out and the battery life has expired on your mobile phone, light a candle and grab and pen and paper. It’s time to get traditional and draft a hand-written love note. When you get together for your rescheduled date, hand him or her an envelope to open. You’ll be surprised how it will be received. If your penmanship isn’t the best, a lovey-dovey text never goes unappreciated.

7. Listen to This Audio Book

Download the Audible app on your mobile device and listen to the new audio book version of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. It’s four hours of dating stories and new bonus advice that will help you with your online dating journey. Our bonus chapters include the Epilogue (grab a tissue), which is after Chapter 17 on Kindle and Chapter 21 on Audible.

How has the snowstorm affecting your dating calendar?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and is the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie and her team create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more relationship advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

Photo credit: Fotolia

View our NEW book trailer for The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Fun Dating Ideas for a Rainstorm

 

Dating Rain Storm

Grab your umbrellas and galoshes. It’s raining. When it rains in Los Angeles, it’s a hard news story, especially with the current drought conditions

Growing up on the East Coast, I remember the first blizzards of the season happening about the same time as our current downpour in the ‘City of Angels.’

Last year, people panicked and filled up their pantries with food and water for the first blizzard of 2015. When #Snowmageddon was heading to the East Coast with record anticipated snowfall from New York to Boston, it was a major news story.

Now, we much have needed rain to fill our empty reservoirs and drop a ton of snow on the mountains to keep the ski resorts flourishing on the West Coast.

The phenomenon in Los Angeles when it rains has always mystified me.

Golf games are canceled, birthday lunches have empty seats, movie screenings are not well-attended, and those who dare to drive tend to slam on their breaks, so accidents are abundant when it’s raining outside.

Now to the subject of dating. Don’t cancel your dates!

Singles who have filled their date cards are probably wondering whether to cancel their dates or not. Don’t be a rain-flake. There are an abundance of songs about rain that are uber-romantic, so grab your umbrellas and mobile phones, but don’t change your plans, and please don’t cancel your dates.

Whether you stay in or go out, here are some dating ideas for a rainy day or night.

1. Go on a Skype or FaceTime Date

Get dressed up with what you’d wear on a date, and remember to put on your lipstick ladies. The two of you should pour a glass of wine or bubbly for the occasion. Date night is still on, it’s just a digital date.  Log on and have a virtual date rather than canceling your plans.

2. Answer these 36 Love Questions

A Modern Love column on the New York Times reads, To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This. These questions from Psychologist Dr. Aron suggest they can help you fall in love with anybody. Some questions include:

  • Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life
  • Tell your partner something that you like about them.

This exercise should help you get to know each other better and has been known to be responsible for some marriages.

Not sure if that’s realistic or not? Why not give it a try.

3.  Watch ‘Downton Abbey’ or Binge Watch on Netflix

Snuggled up with your date? Why not spend the day or evening binge watching some romance on Netflix. If you recorded the Season Premiere of  ‘Downton Abbey,’ it could be a perfect time to watch it together.  P.S. There are some romantic scenes in the first episode of season six.

4. Take a Walk Under an Umbrella

Men love to be protectors. Here’s your chance guys to show her your chivalrous side. Keep that date and take a walk with her, while keeping her dry. As your cuddled up together under the umbrella, you’ll be hugging and maybe even kissing. It’s worth not canceling a date for, believe me.

5. Send Each Other Songs About Rain

Stay digitally connected with music throughout the night. It’s fun playing ‘Name that Tune’ and even William Shakespeare said, ‘If music be the food of love, play on.” From “Bus Stop” by the Hollies to Led Zeppelin’s “Rain Song,” there’s a rainy day song just for the two of you.

Read 30 Great Love Songs About Rain.

6. Create an Indoor Scavenger Hunt

If the geography and transportation allows you to keep your scheduled date, a great way to make it fun and flirty is to create a treasure or scavenger hunt inside your home. To do this, place romantic clues in envelopes around your house and number them. At each location, there will be a love note with suggestions for a kiss, a back rub, a foot massage, or whatever your imagination will allow.

7. Write a Traditional Love Note

If your electricity goes out and the battery life has expired on your mobile phone, light a candle and grab and pen and paper. It’s time to get traditional and draft a hand-written love note. When you get together for your rescheduled date, hand him or her an envelope to open. You’ll be surprised how it will be received.

Will you be canceling your dates or be taking a digital approach to stay in touch?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and is the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com, where they create Irresistible Dating Profiles and coach singles on the dating scene. For more relationship advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, and Instagram

 

Boyfriend is on Tinder. Should I Break Up

Boyfriend on TinderEvery week I seem to get asked a similar question from a woman whose boyfriend is still on Tinder wondering if they should break up.

Here’s Nina’s story.

Hi Julie,

I have been dating a guy for 3 months now and just this morning we had a conversation where I asked him if this is what he really wanted (committing to being in a relationship with me), and he said, “Yes, this is what I want. I love spending time with you, I love how you make me feel (…)”.

I created a fake tinder profile a couple of weeks ago and swiped right on him. To my dismay, I just checked it and he had matched with “me” (picture and name of a different person, hence the fake profile) 9 hours ago (this morning right before our conversation.

My question now is what to do. I don’t feel I can trust him now as he had before said he was not talking to or seeing any other women. I feel a little betrayed. Should I confront him about this and tell him how I found out, or let it slide, or break up? Honestly don’t know what to do.

Nina

Should She Break Up With Him?

Dear Nina,

I’m sorry you’re going through this relationship anxiety with your boyfriend. This is the top question I get from female readers. (See the other links in this article from other women). They find out their boyfriend is on Tinder and want to dump him or don’t know what to do. I appreciate your honesty on how the past month has developed with your boyfriend. Let’s talk about a few things. I’m here to help you, but this is going to be tough love my friend, so get ready.

  1. You’ve been in a relationship for three months.

Three months is still new for a relationship. It’s the honeymoon stage, where everything is fresh and exciting. It’s the perfect stage, as you haven’t moved into a routine. Many relationships breakup at the three-month point, as some people only like the beginning stages of a relationship and don’t want to get serious. From where he sat, he probably enjoyed dating you and hadn’t moved to a more serious stage yet. He wanted to look at options.

  1. You asked your boyfriend if he wanted to be in a committed relationship.

You were happy enough with him to want your relationship to be exclusive. You asked. He answered. He might have told you what you wanted to hear, but he didn’t come out and ask you first to be in a committed relationship, although he said he wasn’t seeing anyone else.

Chances are he wanted to see where the relationship was going to go and got caught up in the Tinder swiping game. It happens a lot. If you’re sleeping together, he also might not want to give that up. He’s a guy. It’s how men are wired. You also don’t know if this morning when he said he loved how he felt with you, that he had swiped for the last time and was ready to delete his Tinder account, right?

RELATED: HELP! I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND ON TINDER

  1. You created a fake Tinder profile after 2 months.

In all honesty, this is where the problem started. There’s a saying, “Seek and ye shall find.” Why did you create a fake Tinder profile to try to catch him? Probably because you weren’t sure he wanted to be exclusive with you.

Let’s talk about trust. It works both ways. You felt insecure about your relationship status early on and didn’t trust him. You wanted to catch him and behind HIS back, logged on as a fake person to see if he’d take the bait. It worked, he’s busted and now you’re unhappy. No guy wants to feel like his girlfriend is checking up on him, even if it’s innocent.

I’m not sure if you met on Tinder and if you took your profile down and he didn’t, but at two months, he probably wasn’t ready to be exclusive, or he would have said so. When a man wants a woman to be his, he does what it takes to make her is girlfriend. That includes taking down all dating profiles in good faith to see where the relationship will go.

The moment you think someone’s cheating or looking elsewhere is the moment you realize something isn’t right. Rather than seeing where your relationship would go over time, you tried to catch him, and you did.

  1. Tinder is a dating site with many users who aren’t single

Here’s a shocking fact. A GlobalWebIndex survey found that that 42 percent of Tinder’s members are already in relationships. Think about it. Almost half of the users are playing around on Tinder. Some are swiping only. Others are chatting only. Many are meeting and hooking up. Your boyfriend may be one of those 42%.

It would be one thing if someone in a relationship was on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram all of the time. They’re social networking sites. Many people are finding love on social media, but Tinder is a dating (and even known as a hookup) app. If you’re in a relationship and someone is active on a dating app, guess what? It’s wrong. I don’t care about the percentages, it’s wrong, period. Having an active profile on Tinder when you’re in a relationship tells the world that you’re single and looking. From your boyfriend’s perspective, he thought he was single and was keeping his options open. He also swiped on your fake profile before you had the conversation.

I understand that some guys and women too, like the validation they get when someone swipes right on their profiles. It’s a digital ego stroke. I also know that Tinder is like a game and people like to see who is out there and swipe right and never speak.

The problem Nina is something’s off in your relationship. You weren’t on the same page at the same time. If you trusted him, you wouldn’t have created a fake profile after two months. You know that a relationship is based on mutual trust. Without it, it cannot survive in the long haul.

RELATED: HELP! MY BOYFRIEND WON’T TAKE HIS TINDER PROFILE DOWN

  1. To Break Up, or Not to Break Up

I can’t tell you to break up with someone if you think he’s your soulmate. Something is missing in your relationship if he feels the need to communicate with women on a dating app. Something is also wrong in your relationship if you feel you need to check up on him. Something is wrong if he’s not happy with himself and needs the validation. The bottom line is, something is wrong.

He says he’s happy and loves spending time with you, which is probably true. But he’s also happy swiping right on Tinder.

I know if it were me, I wouldn’t put up with it. It’s a deal-breaker. I’d want to be in a relationship built on mutual trust. I can’t say if it’s a deal breaker for you, but as soon as you tell him you’ve busted him with a fake Tinder profile, or make up a white lie and say that someone found him on Tinder, I guarantee he will break up with you. You’re asking me if you should break up with him. I think you know the answer. The trust isn’t there.

So you can continue to be quiet and log onto your fake profile to see the exact moment he last logged on and make yourself sick in the process, or try to find someone who will think you’re amazing enough to ditch the dating apps to be in your arms. The choice is yours. I can only hope that you take your fake profile down and never create another one to try to snoop on a guy you really like.

I’m sorry you’re going through this now, but being on a dating site when you’re in a relationship is disrespectful. So is trying to catch him with a fake profile.

My best advice to you is as follows: The next time to have trust in a new relationship. Let it unfold naturally. Men don’t like being with an insecure needy person. If you felt the need to snoop, it was doomed.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

RELATED: DATING IN A TINDER WORLD

Do you have a dating question for Julie? Send your questions here:

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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Find out how Swiping Right will help you find your dream date on Tinder and mobile dating apps.

Photo credit: Fotolia

Confused: Is He Ghosting?

GhostingA popular topic unfortunately is the trend of ghosting. If you haven’t heard of the term, it’s when someone you’re dating, even someone who calls you their boyfriend or girlfriend just disappears, even when things appear to be going great between the two of you.

In today’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a woman writes:

Dear Julie:

We have been dating for a month, meeting almost everyday and calling it a real relationship. He even told his family and friends that he is dating me. We had a small argument over a stupid thing then he start ghosting me. I called him twice and sent text messages a few times. After our argument he posted our picture to Instagram.  Two days later, he removed it.

I am confused. I removed him from Facebook and Instagram but he he hasn’t removed me from his Instagram.

What happened?

Ghost Victim.

My reply to this unfortunate dating dilemma:

Dear Ghost Victim,

You’re not alone. Dating someone for only one month is just that; dating. When people are dating, they are often dating others and leaving their options open to possibly date multiple people until they decide to be exclusive.

READ: IS YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND GHOSTING?

Urban Dictionary’s top definition of dating is:

Dating: “Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.”

Being on each other’s Facebook and Instagram accounts when you’re dating is common these days. It doesn’t mean you’re exclusive and it doesn’t mean it will last forever. What I don’t know in your case is what your argument was about, but if it turned him off, chances are he pulled back. He might be dating others, he might just need his space. But if he isn’t feeling good about the two of you, it’s understandable that he’d take photos of you down from Instagram, so other women won’t think he’s taken.

You’ve already reached out a few times. He hasn’t. My best advice to you is to fill your date card, right now. It’s good that you unfriended him on Facebook, but please DON’T stalk his instagram account. I always say, “Seek and ye shall find.” If you keep looking, you’ll probably see a photo of him and another woman, or him having fun somewhere without you.

READ: WHAT TO DO WHEN HE PULLS BACK

One month is too soon for a couple to know if they’ll ride into the sunset together. Ghosting after one month is common, because the level of commitment isn’t there. It’s lazy and cowardly, but it’s the easy way out.

Go out and have fun with your friends. Accept dates. Stop looking on his social media to see what he’s up to. You can wonder why, but put it behind you. He’s just another guy who ghosted because he got spooked or isn’t feeling it anymore.

If he comes back, you might already be in the arms of a great guy who won’t bolt when there’s a bump in the road.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Do you need dating advice or have a question for Julie Spira? Submit your dating questions here.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet Dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

For personalized coaching, find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date and sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

 

 

Hello December! 5 Tips to Finding Love Online

Finding Love in December - Julie SpiraHappy December my #Tweethearts.

My how time flies! It’s hard to believe that we are in the final month of the year, the month where we celebrate with friends and loved ones, decorate our homes, and fill our calendars with holiday parties.

December is also the time of year where singles want to couple up BIG time and looking for love online is at the top of the list.

I shared in a previous blog the article in the New York Post, where a survey from our friends at Match showed that the number one gift for singles is…. a date. Yes indeed. Finding a date for the holidays ranked higher than picking out the latest tech gadget.

With that in mind, here are 5 online and mobile dating tips to help you find love and your one in 50 million online.

 

  • Swipe Right. Yes. Apps like Tinder are responsible for some serious relationships, so ditch your old thoughts about hookups only with mobile dating apps and start swiping right.

 

 

  • Favorite your Digital Crush. Online dating is a numbers game, but it’s so easy to get lost in the digital shuffle. To stand out, Super Like your match on Tinder, say yes to your daily matches on Match, and favorite or hot list someone to get their attention

 

 

  • Don’t Wait. Initiate. Just because someone viewed your profile, doesn’t mean you should sit back and wait for the email to arrive. To fill your date card, you MUST be proactive. That means logging in daily, seeing who viewed your profile, and writing to 5-10 new people a day.

 

 

  • Snap New Photos. While your Facebook and Instagram profiles are up-to-date with fresh new photos, your online dating profile just might need a digital face-lift. The first place to start is with the photos. Grab a few from your social networking sites or better yet, enlist the help from a friend who has a great digital camera. Snap 100 photos in 5 different outfits and have a photo selection party with your BFFs. They’ll help you select the best pics. P.S. Remember to wear red and ditch the little black dress. Red is the color of love, passion, and the stop sign. It’s also the signature color for the holidays.

 

 

  • Meet IRL. The point of Internet dating isn’t to have a digital pen-pal. It’s to meet someone amazing who you click with, who you can think about every morning when you wake up. You can’t find him or her if you don’t take your relationship from online to offline. Schedule a short phone chat and if the chemistry is there, add him or her to your date card and meet in person.

 

As always, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating and has been helping singles find love online and on their mobile phones for over 20 years. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

Did You Know It’s Cuffing Season?

Autumn HeartHello November!

It’s starting to get chilly outside and singles and couples alike are starting to think about bundling up with someone special for the holidays. Just yesterday, we had rain in Los Angeles, which is unusual and I bundled up with my ski parka as the temperatures dipped.

In case you haven’t heard of it, it’s officially ‘Cuffing Season.’ You might wonder what exactly ‘Cuffing Season’ is, so here’s the scoop.

What is Cuffing Season?

Cuffing season starts in the fall when the weather starts to change, kids go back to school, and the leaves start to fall on the ground. Suddenly you’ll notice friends of yours who claim to be forever single appearing at a party with a significant other or new boyfriend or girlfriend. Others will flock to online dating sites to hope to connect with someone for the holidays. To be honest here, it’s a busy time for singles looking for love online as they imagine kissing under the mistletoe with someone special or toasting a glass of bubbly on New Year’s.

In thinking back to my past, I can honestly say that several of my relationships started in the fall and solidified in November to being exclusive. Did they know it was ‘Cuffing Season?’ Probably not.

So my friends and tweethearts, as a dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile on your face and be approachable, as it really can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you just might want to be a participant in. Party invites from business networking events are starting to pile in, so RSVP and fill up your date card.

READ: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO CUFFING SEASON

It’s time to embrace the month we are to be the most thankful for with Thanksgiving around the corner. Time is speeding fast and there are plenty of singles that will be excited to have you in their life.

If you’re in a toxic relationship or one that makes you anxious or are walking on eggshells, it’s time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship for the holidays just prevents you from finding someone more compatible to create new memories with. The possibilities are endless!

If you need any hand holding, check out our Irresistible Profiles packages to help speed up your search.

Happy Cuffing Season.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
~Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

LIVE Event: Mastering the Dating Relationship Puzzle

Julie Spira - Dr. Gary Penn

It’s an honor and joy to announce that Dr. Gary Penn has invited me, along with Shannon Colleary to his LIVE PODCAST event in Los Angeles on Wednesday, October 21, 2015.

If you’re struggling to find a great relationship or are trying to get out of a dead-end one, this event is for you.

For only $25 you’ll receive:

Wine, nibbles and a great interactive coaching workshop with Dr. Penn and his guests: Life Coach Shannon Colleary and myself, Julie Spira, America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker!

BUY TICKETS HERE

We’ll be fielding audience questions, (anonymously, due to the podcast) which will serve as “mini” sessions for the entire group.

Dr. Penn has certainly walked the walk. He has learned a great deal in his quest to find a loving and connecting relationship. He knows how difficult it is to find “the one”.  He is committed to increasing your odds!

He brings not only his clinical knowledge to this workshop, but also his personal experience to help you work on the self-awareness and emotional availability necessary to find and sustain a loving, healthy relationship.

He’ll help you achieve a state of psychological awareness while teaching you his unique communication and dating skills.

BUY TICKETS HERE:

Life Coach Shannon Colleary, best known for her “Asshat Recovery Program” articles on The Huffington Post, is an expert in helping her clients break their addiction to toxic relationships.
Like Dr. Penn, Shannon has walked-the-walk to recovery, ending her last toxic relationship by using steps inspired by the 12-step programs. After which, Shannon attracted a loving, stable, funny man she’s been married to for fifteen years.

And now she’s helping her clients to do the same thing.

Plus, I’ll be there live and on the podcast as well.

Here’s a bio for me:

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and is a frequent guest in the media, having appeared in over 650 news stories on the intersection of love and technology. She was named the “Pioneer of Online Dating” by Cosmo and was listed in the Top 10 Dating Advice Columnists to Follow on Twitter.” Her Irresistible Profiles programs have helped millions of singles speed up their search to find love online. Julie will be discussing the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online and will help demystify the cryptic text messages that women and men send to each other.

Here are some results you can expect from this 3-hour workshop:

  • You’ll discover why you’re attracted to certain types of people; i.e. emotionally troubled, unavailable people, or people who want to quickly fall in “love” and fuse with you.
  • You’ll leave with actionable tasks to break your addiction to a toxic relationship, if you’re in one.
  • You’ll have a new skill set to approach dating.
  • You will have all the secrets of how to approach online dating.

You’ll have clarity about what you really want and need and how to appropriately convey that when dating someone new.

BUY TICKETS HERE

Who this workshop is for:People who are motivated to make a change in their lives with this kind of attitude:

  • “Enough is enough! Tomorrow doesn’t have to be like today. I can change!”
  • “I can take control of my life instead of constantly feeling disappointed and hopeless!”
  • “I can identify my psychological blind spots and learn new and highly functional ways of connecting.”

“It’s time for me to stand tall and move forward with confidence and optimism.”

Who this workshop isn’t for:

  • People who are invested in staying in the victim role.
  • People who aren’t willing to take responsibility for their choices and their life.
  • People who blame others for their hopelessness and misery.
  • People who want to continually live in the past, which keeps them from fulfillment in the present.

That Bat time and Bat channel again? Wednesday Oct. 21st from 7-10 p.m.
The Roc Center, 607 Arizona Ave. Santa Monica, Ca. Between 6th and 7th street, one-block north of Santa Monica Blvd. (310) 450-ROCK (7625).

BUY TICKETS HERE

FAQ:
How big is this event?
We can only take 90 people.
Can men come too?
Yes, this is a co-ed event.
Do I have to talk?
We would suggest that you ask all of your burning questions. However you’re not obligated to speak. You can absolutely learn a lot just by listening to what other people ask and the responses they receive.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.

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