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Julie Spira Talks to KABC TV With 10 Dating Safety Tips

Everyday can be like Valentine’s Day, since dating and love never go out of style.

A huge thank you to KABC TV in Los Angeles for having me on Eyewitness News to share 10 of my dating safety tips. It’s my goal to help you date safely 365 days out of the year. Keep in mind, most daters have good intentions, but to be safe, follow these rules.

Some of the online dating safety tips include:

  • Facetime, Skype and/or Phone Date – Use technology to make sure you’re not dating a “bot” and to pass the phone chemistry test.
  • Visit Linkedin and Facebook  – See if you have friends in common and ask them to give you the digital thumbs up or thumbs down on your mutual connection.
  • Be Careful of the Country Dates or Emails from a Military – While I know a man from Los Angeles who married a woman from Paris, if someone contacts you from out of the country, use video chat to make sure they are real and check their punctuation. If someone from the military has a sob story and asks you for money, report them to the dating site.

RELATED: 10 SAFEST CITIES IN THE U.S. FOR ONLINE DATING

  • Saying “I Love You” Too Soon – Some people use those three little words that will make you swoon, but if you haven’t met, how can you really be in love? Sure they “get you,” but if they are mirroring your profile and you think they’re too good to be true, perhaps they are.
  • Meet in a Public Place – While it seems logical to meet in a public place, often someone will invite you to their place to “hang out” or “netflix and chill.” All first dates must be in a public place and let a friend know where you’re going and the screen/profile name of your date.

KABC Dating Safety Tips

  • Don’t Get in Anyone’s Car – While it’s chivalrous to be picked up at home, tell your date if they offer to do so, that you’d like to save that for the second or third date.
  • No Late Night Dates – With mobile apps, you can meet someone almost instantly 24 hours a day. If someone suggests a first date after 9pm, take a pass. That screams “booty call” and you don’t know if someone else was the dinner date, while you’re becoming dessert.
  • Don’t Sext Before Meeting – A Match Study showed that 34% of singles are actually having sex BEFORE they meet.  Millennials up that number to 48%! Remember, anything you text can be shared and if it doesn’t work out, chances are it will. My rule of thumb is, if you don’t want your parents, children, or boss to see your text, then don’t push the send button.
  • Let Google Be Your Best Friend – With my dating coaching programs, I conduct a Google search for email addresses, photos, and phone numbers. While I don’t believe in kissing and telling, I also don’t believe in googling and telling. Sneak a peek and be a cyber-sleuth and if something seems very off, cancel the date.
  • Limit Your Drinking on a First Date – If you’re out for dinner or drinks and are having a great time, instead of ordering a second drink or going home, order a club soda instead. Getting intoxicated on a date could lead to problems you might regret in the morning.

RELATED: Online Dating Expert Julie Spira Named Best Dating Coach at iDate Awards

Remember, how you act offline when meeting someone new is the same as how you should act online. Be safe and enjoy the ride.

Happy dating and I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

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Match Singles in America Study Says Put Your Phone Away

Online Dating Anxiety Disorder

Every year, our friends at Match conduct an in-depth survey of singles to determine their habits in a variety of topics.

In the 7th annual Singles in America study, released for Valentine’s, the dating site surveyed 5000 singles and showed that many suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) on social media, and that some are addicted to the process that I call Online Dating Anxiety Disorder, or ODAD.

On the Match blog, they posted their findings and found that 15% of singles say they feel addicted to the process of looking for a date. It gets worse for millennials, where they are 125% more likely to feel addicted to dating, than older generations.

Singles in America - ODAD

RELATED: Online Dating Anxiety Disorder: Is it Worse During the Holidays?

What’s interesting to note, is that men suffer more from online dating addiction, with 97% admitted to feeling addicted to finding a date, as compared to 54% of women who are feeling burned out while looking for love.

What is Online Dating Disorder, and Do You Have it?

Online dating anxiety disorder, online dating addition disorder, or even online dating fatigue. I call it ODAD and it happens to singles who swipe all day long on mobile apps and to those with the shopping cart mentality who feel there’s another pretty face around the corner. When this happens, I encourage singles to take a break, take a walk, go to the movies, and leave your mobile phone at home.

RELATED: Holiday Dating Online: Does it Make You Anxious?

If this feels like a dating doomsday story, that’s not exactly the case. The good news is over half (53%) of singles have created a dating profile and 40% of singles actually met someone they found online, as compared to 25% of singles surveyed who said they met someone from a friend.

So if you’re feeling burned out on dating and tired of swiping, my best advice to you is to take a mini break. Spend time with your friends, read a good book, have a girls’ or guys’ night out and then jump back on the digital dating saddle and log on for love.

Leave Your Mobile Phone OFF the Table During a Date

Single in America Match Phones
Source: SinglesinAmerica.com

Remember, your mobile phone is really for emergencies if you’re on a date, or for confirming a date with someone, other than the person you’re sitting across from. Keep that phone in your purse and pocket and focus on getting to know your date. The Match survey found that 75% of singles are turned off if you answer your phone on a date and 66% aren’t keen on you texting during a date.

While this seems to make common sense, one of the biggest complaints I get from clients as a dating coach, is that their date was texting and tweeting during the date. Don’t do this. Put your phone away!

If you happen to love your meal and can’t resist taking a photo for your instagram account, ask permission from your date to do so, instead of just snapping away. Let your date know you’re a foodie and love the meal in front of you. This way he or she will be pleased on the selection of the date and won’t feel like they are lower on the dating totem pole than your not-so-smart phone.

For more on the survey visit SinglesinAmerica.com.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online with her Irresistible Profiles programs for over 20 years. Julie’s the recent winner of the 2017 iDate Awards for Best Dating Coach and is the author of the bestseller The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and ranks as the most influential person in social media in “dating” and “online dating.”

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

What Do I Do If He Doesn’t Ask Me Out for Valentine’s Day?

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

In this week’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a single woman is feeling anxious because the guy she’s dating hasn’t asked her out yet for Valentine’s Day. Here’s her question and our answer.

Dear Julie,

I met this great guy online and we’ve gone out on five dates since the New Year. I really like him and we haven’t discussed dating exclusively yet, but I’ve seen him the past two Saturday nights, so I really think I’m becoming his girlfriend.

Should I be worried that he didn’t ask me out yet for Valentine’s Day? It’s next week, so what is he waiting for? Would it be wrong of me to bring it up first? Maybe he was focused on football, but that game is over and I really want to spend Valentine’s with him.

What should I say or do?

Corrine

Dear Corrine,

First of all, congratulations on meeting a great guy online. January is one of the busiest months for online dating and lots of singles are joining dating sites as part of their New Year’s resolutions list.

You didn’t mention if both of you still have ACTIVE dating profiles up or not. I have a feeling you probably do, as if you haven’t had the talk about exclusivity or Valentine’s, he might assume you’re dating other people and he might be doing the same.

Believe it or not, most guys don’t like Valentine’s Day. They think it’s overrated, expensive, and would rather stay home and watch TV. However the romantic and smart ones will know that if they don’t ask you out on the biggest romance day of the week, they’ll be in the dog house and might not get a chance to continue dating you after the 14th. Is this harsh? I think it’s more a matter of tradition.

READ MORE: Why Valentine’s Day for Women is Like the Super Bowl for Men

So if you have a dating profile that’s still online and you’d like to see this guy exclusively and hopefully for Valentine’s Day, I urge you NOT to log on.  He and his friends don’t need to see that you’re busy scouring the Internet for potential dates.  How would you feel after a great date with this new guy, if you noticed that he went online right away? Probably not great.

So my best advice is, if you don’t want to date others and really like this guy, then don’t. Take your profile down if you like, but don’t let him know that you did this.  You should do it for yourself, not because you think he has to do the same. He’ll probably notice it, but a man needs to make the decision to be exclusive based on how he feels when he’s with you. If your dates are fun and light and you’re a joy to be around, he’ll notice those red candy boxes everywhere and will probably want to do something with you for Valentine’s Day.

Towards the end of this week, let him know that you really are traditional and love sharing Valentine’s Day with the person you’re dating. Stop and LISTEN to what he says. If he starts to pull back or changes the subject, it might mean he has made other plans. The best thing you could do is not get upset with him. If he asks you out for the 13th or the 15th, reply with, “Oh, I was hoping I’d be your Valentine.”

READ MORE: 7 TIPS TO GET LUCKY IN LOVE ON VALENTINE’S DAY

You’ve only gone out on five dates and that’s a lot of pressure to put on a guy when a relationship is so new. Buy him a cute card, or better yet, there are so many fun cards on JibJab, the animated card site, so send him a humorous card; not something that says, “I love you,” and see how he responds.

The bottom line is, he knows it’s Valentine’s Day, but might not know how special that day is for you. Rather than having him spend a lot of money on a fancy restaurant, why not suggest collaborating on an in-room-dining experience, where each one of you brings or makes a different dish. It’s a great way to bond in a relationship without all of the pressure.

Do you have a question for Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been named the Best Dating Coach of the Year in the 2017 iDate Awards and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and facebook. SIGN up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia

7 Tips to Get Lucky in Love by Valentine’s

7 Ways to Find a Date for Valentine'sValentine’s is about one week away. Some singles are stressing big time about how to find a date for the most romantic day of the year. Others could care less and will hang out with friends or hide under the sheets alone.

If finding a date for Valentine’s is on your list, I have great news for you. With a little effort and the help of your mobile phone, you can get lucky and find a date by Valentine’s Day.

7 tips for singles to get lucky in love this Valentine’s Day

1. RSVP to all events and parties

Whether it’s a business mixer or speed dating event, go out, dress up, and wear that smile of yours. Check out some events on MeetUp or any singles events and don’t be shy.

2. Update your online dating profile

If your primary shot was from three years ago, it’s outdated. It’s time for a digital facelift to show off the new you. Post photos of a recent trip and caption them if you can. Find a favorite photo or two on Facebook or Instagram. If you got a new puppy add it to your profile, but don’t use it as a primary shot. Mobile dating app Tinder actually reorders your photos showing the best one first.

3. Download 3 mobile dating apps

Research shows that singles are using on average 3 mobile dating apps. They’re so easy to use and you can find a date in minutes, not days. A Pew research survey showed that the number of millennials using dating sites and apps has tripled in the last few years!

4. Be proactive and Upgrade During Peak Times

The squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal. If you’re online, write to 5-10 people a day. Think of it like sending out 5-10 resumes a day if you’re looking for a job, only this is better. You could find the love of your life. Respond quickly and turn on those push notifications to find out when someone hot sends you a message!

Also, you can appear more frequently on sites and apps for just a few dollars.Did you know that OkCupid lets you know when it’s Rush Hour? Match has a Top Spot and Tinder has a Boost? All of them boost your profile to the top of the list in a search, where you can be viewed more than 10 times than normal. Yes, for less than the price of one cup of coffee, it’s worth a shot.

5. Check out your single friends on Facebook 

Have a digital crush? Check out his or her relationship status and if it it says “single,” go ahead and start flirting on Facebook chat. Plenty of couples have found love on the world’s largest social network, as can be seen on FacebookLoveStories.com.

6. Go to a restaurant or coffee shop with WIFI

Working from home? Why be alone when you can be out in public with your computer instead. Make sure to dress up and take walks to the restroom or pass by as many people as possible with a smile on your face. It will become your new office to work and flirt. Stop, stare, and smile.

7. Text an ex 

As a last resort, know that 20% of singles do text their former love on Valentine’s if they’re flying solo. Send a quick Happy Valentine’s message with an emoticon to your former flame. If you decide to do so, do it in the morning, not at night, as he or she might be on a Valentine’s date, or they might look at you as a late night booty call.

Remember, although Valentine’s Day is a big day for couples, the day after, February 15th, is Singles Awareness Day. Either way, love yourself first and love will come your way.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Looking for help with dating? Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been named the Best Dating Coach of the Year in the 2017 iDate Awards and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and facebook. SIGN up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 
Photo credit: Fotolia

12 Best Mobile Apps For 8 Different Dating Goals

Irish IndependendWe know that everyone is looking for something different when it comes to matters of the heart.

With that in mind, there is no one-size-fits-all formula or perfect dating site for everyone and the average mobile dating app user is active on 3.5 mobile dating apps!

When reporter Chrissie Russell interviewed me as the dating expert for a special Valentine’s issue of the Irish Independent’s weekend magazine, I provided a list on how people can find the right dating website or app for them. The feature is called “Finding the Most Appealing Dating Technology.”

If you can’t pick up a copy of the magazine, here are some highlights that were featured.

Dating Apps for Different Relationship Goals

1. The Young Professional: Match is a great choice because of the large amount of members worldwide. You can search by his or her profession and list your profession in your profile choices. Hinge is a dating app geared towards young professionals and recently they eliminated the swiping feature to differentiate them from Tinder. Now they’re calling themselves, the relationship app.

READ MORE: Match Adds Misconnections Feature

2. Someone a Bit Cynical About Online Dating and Apps: If you’re cynical, have some fun with some niche dating apps such as Bristlr for women who fancy men with facial hair, Align to match you based on astrology, or Gluten Free Singles for the gluten-fee intolerant.

3. Someone Just Looking for Fun: Tinder started out with most of the users swiping right to hook up. Now they say 80% of their members are looking for a meaningful relationship. Read the mini bios on the profiles to see if you should swipe right or left to find someone fun to hang out with.

READ MORE: These Names Will Get You More Right Swipes on Tinder

4. Someone Who Wants Companionship: Many sites and apps will help you find friends. The Bumble app has a BFF feature, where you can switch from looking for a relationship, to looking for a friend to hang out with for a non-dating experience. They call it switching to the friend zone.  OkCupid also gives you a choice of searching for New Friends, Casual-Dating, Long-Term Dating, or Casual Sex. Happn is a great app, because it matches you based on who you’ve crossed paths with, as they are a geo-location app.

5. Someone Divorced or Widowed and a Bit Apprehensive of Online Dating: If you’re starting over and don’t want to be bombarded with cubs looking for cougars and might want to meet someone more serious, eHarmony, a name that’s been around since 2000 would be the way to go. They allow you to take your time in communicating with potential dates.

READ MORE: Bumble App Now Helps You Find Your BFF

6. Someone Sporty Who Wants to Avoid the Bar Scene: Avoiding the bar scene is high on a lot of singles’ lists. Any site or app that has a chat feature would be good to have a virtual drink date. You can both grab a glass of bubbly or your favorite spirit and chat. If you’re a workout fanatic,, try the new Sweatt app for fitness enthusiasts.

7. Gay or Bi-Curious: Grindr was the original app for gay men, but these days many sites allow you to search based on your sexual preferences. Check out OkCupid, where in the drop down menu of your profile you can state if you’re Straight, Gay, or Bi-sexual. Click the more button and you’ll find a wider selection including Asexual, Demisexual, Heteroflexible, Homosexual, Lesbian, Pansexual, Queer, Questioning, and Sapiosexual. That’s a pretty full menu. Tinder just added a new gender feature, which includes transgender relationships.

8. Someone Not Very Good with Technology: For those technically challenged, they won’t be happy with any site. I suggest they enlist the help of a dating coach with experience in this area. A recent PEW research study showed that 30% of women had someone write their profiles. If you really can’t stomach logging on and swiping right, find a professional who can do this. As one who’s been been coaching singles for over 20 years, I do the work for many busy CEOs, or technically challenged singles, to be their digital wing woman. It solves the goal of meeting someone, while not having to be attached to the push notifications on your cell phones.

READ MORE: Find out How Irresistible Profiles Will Help You Find Your Dream Date

About Julie:

Julie Spira is the world’s top online and mobile dating expert. As an early adopter of the Internet, Julie has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and ranks as the most influential person in social media in the categories of “dating” and “online dating.” Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and is the go-to person in the media, having appeared in over 1000 stories on the intersection of dating and technology. She was the winner of the 2017 iDate Awards for Best Dating Coach.  She’s also listed as one of the top 10 columnists to follow on Twitter.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Julie Spira to Appear on Dates & Mates with Damona Hoffman

Dates and Mates

It’s the first week of the year, and it’s a busy one for sure.

Many of you are back to work and have New Year’s resolutions which include finding love on your list.

I’m so honored to announce that I’ll be a guest on ‘Dates & Mates’ radio with my good friend and TV Dating Expert, Damona Hoffman on Thursday, January 5th.

Our topic will be Online Dating Week, which is going on right now. In fact, Dating Sunday, or if you’re a hashtag fanatic like I am, #DatingSunday will be the peak time for online dating signups on Sunday, January 8th.

Julie Spira Damona Hoffman

Dates & Mates Host Damona Hoffman and Julie Spira

Photo Credit: iDate Awards 2016

Damona’s show is dedicated to all things dating, mating, and relating and the best part is YOU can become a part of the live conversation.  No other love show on the web lets you watch what happens via a LIVE STREAM from their Hollywood studio. Plus you can live tweet your questions, chat with other listeners, and download past episodes.

Listen to me live Thursday 1/5 at 11 am PST on ‘Dates & Mates’. Tune into UBNRadio.com channel 1 to hear Damona and I dish about Online Dating Week.

I promise we’ll have you completely armed with a digital strategy to help you find love in 2017.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie

Let’s get social!

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter,  Instagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox, where you’ll also receive a free copy of our ebook, The 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and was on the Internet before people even knew there was an Internet! Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and her dating advice has been featured in over 1000 media stories.

 

New Year’s Dating Resolutions for 2017

Happy New Year in love

We’re getting ready for 2017 and many of you are so done with 2016. It was a bumpy road for relationships, life, love, politics, loss of musical geniuses, and more.

For those who have the tradition of making New Year’s resolutions, here’s some wise dating advice to add to your list.

Before you say, “bah humbug,” if your holiday was filled with Aunt Sally asking about your relationship status, or your friends changing theirs to the point that you slammed your computer shut and deleted all mobile dating apps, now’s the time, before New Year’s for singles who dreaded the holiday and are ready for a new beginning. So along with the new diet and gym membership, joining a dating site and hiring a dating coach has become a BIG priority. In fact, the phone is ringing off the hook and we are getting booked solid the first week of the new year for new Internet dating profiles, so get ready for the ride!

Match Predicts Dating Sunday on January 8th

Our friends at Match have told us that they predict Dating Sunday to be held on Sunday, January 8th, where it’s expected to be the BUSIEST day of the year for new online dating signups at 8:49pm/ET.

During this time, Match reports they plan to see a 42% spike in new singles coming to the site to meet someone.  Dating Sunday falls within Match’s Peak Season, which is going on RIGHT NOW and spans from December 26th to February 14th, where they expect to see these enormous numbers:

  • More than 50 million messages sent
  • 5 million new photos being uploaded
  • 1 million dates taking place

PlentyofFish Predict Dating Sunday to be on January 1st

Our friends over at PlentyOfFish tell us that their busiest day of the year will be a week earlier on Sunday, January 1st. POF expects signups expected to reach an extraordinary 110,546, a 48% increase above the average daily rate in 2016.

Yes indeed, everyone will be looking for love in 2017.

POF’s stats illustrate a changing dating landscape, with more singles than ever trying online dating for the first time. 2016 saw 18,176,325 first-time PlentyOfFish signups, and over half a billion conversations between members (600,325,016, to be exact).

  • Signups on PlentyOfFish will peak at 2pm PST on Sunday, January 1, 2017

  • Sunday, January 8th, will be the second busiest for PlentyOfFish, with an expected 103,910 signups

  • Projected PlentyOfFish signups for January 2017 are expected to exceed 2.5 million

So how do you jump on the digital love bandwagon?

Our Irresistible Profiles Coaching programs come in a variety of levels, from Going Steady, a profile critique to Totally in Love, with a brand new profile and 30 days of unlimited text/email support, to our VIP Digital Matchmaker plan for the most serious of singles, which includes a new profile and 10 private coaching sessions.

So get out of fear mode, stop ghosting, stop swiping without meeting IRL, and come to the digital party with all the tools you need for a happy and loving 2017.

Make it your New Year’s resolution to live your life with authenticity –Online, offline, and where ever you may swipe or roam.

If you need some help in getting started with your online dating profile, contact us and we’ll help you create that IRRESISTIBLE Profile to help you stand out among the millions of online daters.

Julie Spira is a dating coach and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter, where you’ll also be able to download for free the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online.

Wishing you much love and joy in 2017.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for Dating Advice

P.S. We are SO EXCITED to be a finalist for Best Dating Coach in the iDate Awards. Please vote for us to win at idateawards.com so we can come home with a trophy to be proud of. 

2016 Holiday Dating Survival Guide

Holiday Dating survival guide

Baby it’s cold outside! It’s that time of year when holiday invites are pouring in and your single status might make you want to hide under the covers.

It’s safe to say that emotions are flying high during the holidays for singles, new couples not sure how to define themselves, those who have had a recent breakup, and those who are tired of hearing from their relatives about their relationship status.

The holiday period from Thanksgiving to New Year’s brings up a lot of emotions. In the words of Fleetwood Mac’s Stevie Nicks from the song Dreams, it’s natural to think of memories of what you had and what you lost. The band also sings about how “You make loving fun” so don’t turn down the volume just yet. Listening to music this time of year can give you both strength and send you down memory lane.

One thing I know for sure, is my phone is ringing with singles wanting to connect and meet someone new to share the holidays with, so there are plenty of singles looking for love online now.

Still, I know how tough it is at the holidays being single. I’ve been there. I’ve been watching the abundance of posts on Facebook of couples who are changing their relationship status to “In a Relationship.” If your status isn’t that in that category, it can be a digital stab to your heart.

As a dating coach and online dating expert, I’m here to tell you that this is actually the best time of year to meet someone wonderful to date. Filling your date card with quality people is quite possible, so take away that frown and look at my tips in our holiday survival guide.

The Cyber-Dating Expert Survival Guide to Help you Through the Holidays, Online and IRL.

1. Don’t rely on Social Media to go down memory lane

Sure I know it’s natural to take a peek to see what your ex is up to, but if they’re jetting off to Paris, heading for sunshine in Hawaii and kissing under the mistletoe, you’re hurting yourself big time. Instead, try to create your own new memories. Walk down a festively decorated street and snap a few photos of trees, store windows, and cheerful pictures and post them on your Facebook wall. So what if you’re alone or with your BFF. You’re out of the house and not living in the past. Digital snooping is also on the rise, especially during the holidays. It brings out the worst in many. At PlentyofFish, they surveyed over 9000 of their users between the ages of 20 -40 to find out what their holiday dating habits were. POF found that 82% of the women were actually checking the Facebook statuses of guys they were dating to see what they were doing when they weren’t around. Wouldn’t you be better off out, than attached to your phone?

2. Fill that date card and stay organized

Anxiety can be at an all time high, but joining a few dating sites and using mobile dating apps will be a great ego boost. It will also give you the chance to meet a lot of people. However, don’t embarrass yourself by calling Don, Doug or introduce yourself as Jackie from PlentyOfFish if you met him on eHarmony. The easiest way to do this is by creating an excel spreadsheet and logging your conversations. You would do this for a job, right? Well this is a job with a possibility of a lifetime of love. It’s worth the effort.

3. Block your ex’s profile

If you’ve recently ended a relationship with someone you met online and it wasn’t on good terms, chances are you’ve both rejoined the site to meet others. Make sure you block his or her profile so they don’t appear in a search and to avoid the obsessiveness that results when you check to see when they last logged on or if they’ve deactivated their profile. Don’t assume if their profile is gone that they’ve ridden off into the sunset with someone else. Sometimes people just take a break or they may have blocked you.

4. Don’t jump into a rebound relationship

They say the easiest way to get over someone is by replacing them in a New York minute with someone new, but is it right? Sure the initial infatuation stage is a lot of fun and it’s nice to have a warm body around, but finding someone new when you aren’t ready to date isn’t always the answer. Spend time with friends, hang out with an ex that you’re still on good terms with and can be yourself with, and spend time alone reading, writing, or taking a cooking class or French lesson.

5. Discuss holiday gift giving

Before you run off to Tiffany to get him sterling silver cufflinks engraved with his initials after three weeks of dating, ask yourself how overwhelming it would feel if he showed up with an engagement ring one month in. It could be over the top, right? Come up with a reasonable budget. Perhaps you can get him a cashmere scarf or sweater, tickets to a concert or sporting event, and make home made cookies. You could get her a gift certificate to a spa, gourmet chocolates, a fun accessory for her mobile phone, tickets to a show or a museum exhibition, or a piece of costume jewelry in her favorite color. Avoid giving her just lingerie, unless it’s something she picks out for herself.

READ: THIS IS THE TOP GIFT FOR SINGLES

6. It’s Peak Season for Online Daters

The good news is that more singles are signing up for dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. Match reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new members signing up between Christmas and Valentine’s Day and at Cyber-Dating Expert, it’s the busiest holiday season ever with new singles joining online dating sites and brand new dating profiles being created.

READ: 5 TIPS TO FINDING LOVE ONLINE

7. Swipe Right

I know you’re attached to your mobile phone. Perhaps you’re waiting for a text from that cutie you had a date with last week. Maybe you’re swiping left to every potential match. I say, take a chance and swipe right more than left. Even if he or she won’t be your dream date, they might invite you to a holiday party or introduce you to a friend. It’s time to cast a wide net.

8. Accept ALL holiday invitations

If your inbox is filled with invitations for holiday mixers, fill your calendar and put on your party dress. Remember to smile at everyone. Business networking events are in abundance now, so you won’t have to feel that you’re the only single person there. Walk in with confidence and you’ll be turning heads and filling your date card.

9. Online Love is a year-round event

People meet online and fall in love all year long. I know a couple that met online on Christmas Eve on Facebook who are now engaged. I know of another couple that met online on eHarmony on Valentine’s Day who are now happily married. One couple fell in love at first sight that met on Match. She hadn’t had a serious relationship in over 10 years and now they’re married. Yes online dating is a numbers game. You’ll be juggling dates, canceling dates, rescheduling dates, it’s exhausting, but it can be so very rewarding as it has been for millions of others.

READ: HOW TO FLIRT ON INSTAGRAM

10. Fall in love with you

At the holidays, please take a deep breath; log on to fill your date card if and when it feels good to you, not because you’re feeling lonely. If you need to take a break from dating, that’s fine. There are no rules, other than to fall in love with yourself first. It’s the best place to be to start any new relationship.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this holiday season, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.  She’s the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and helps them shorten their search to find their one in 50 million.

For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Ghosting: The Cultural Phenomenon in Dating

Ghosted

Whether you’re swiping left and right on a mobile app or meeting IRL through friends or co-workers, when it’s time to call it quits, couples are changing their relationship statuses by disappearing entirely.

Being ghosted is the coward’s way of breaking up.

Singles are finding ghosting the easy way out. Technology that connects us to find love can disconnect us in a digital split second. One day you’re talking about the future lying naked in bed with your boyfriend or girlfriend and the next day you’re blocked on social media and texts come to a complete halt. Confused by this disappearing act, you find your texts are getting ignored, your phone is blocked from receiving your calls and it appears like they’ve moved to another country or into the arms of another without the decency of a proper ending.

As technology affects all aspects of relationships, I have found myself becoming a ghosting or ghosted expert with the barrage of emails from heartbroken singles wondering what they did wrong to push someone away without the formality of a breakup conversation to get the closure they so desperately need.

According to online dating site PlentyofFish’s survey, 80% of millennials admitting to have been ghosted, or being the ghoster. The trend is rising daily among all demographics. Here are reasons why singles are ghosting big time and what to do instead.

1. You’re a Coward. Gone are the days of “post-it” breakups and even email breakups. You know it’s uncool to play Casper when it’s not Halloween, but you don’t have the guts to tell him or her it’s over. Pull up your big boy or big girl pants and do the deed in person if geography allows. You might get a slap on the face or a confrontation you’d prefer not to have, but have the convo. It might be possible to salvage your relationship through healthy communication, or end on mutual terms.

2. You’ve Met Someone Else. If you’re relationship has been on a downhill slide, you’re probably open to meeting someone else. Often there’s double-dipping involved and there could be an overlap that your new squeeze and old squeeze don’t know about. Tired of living a double-life and rather than coming clean (which means yes, did you sleep with someone else?), you ease into a new relationship and ease out of the one you were in by going MIA. If you think your relationship is over, don’t stay in it for the sex. Make a clean break in person, via phone, anything except disappearing into the arms of another, as your soon-to-be ex will see new photos on Instagram and Facebook and you can expect some nasty texts to appear on your smart phone from someone scorned and publicly humiliated.

3. You’re not Feeling It Anymore. You’ve gone through the motions, have met each others’ friends, talked about being exclusive, and then commit to being monogamous. Maybe he or she was a great kisser and your texts bordered on sexting, but once you slept together, it was plain bad. There’s more to the relationship than sex only, but if you can’t imagine seeing them again after oh so boring sex, you ghost. Not nice. People get nervous the first time they have get naked together. The pressure is on big time. Don’t make it about being incompatible in bed. That’s the worst kind of pain after your partner bears their heart, soul, and body.

Read: Ghosted for the First Time

4. You want to Play the Field. Beginnings are exciting. The first text, the first kiss, the first weekend away, yes, butterflies still exist and everyone is on good behavior. You’re having so much fun with your steady squeeze until you realize that you’re attached, when you really prefer to be single. You decide that the grass is greener when you’re attached and want to fly solo. When you’re solo, you think the grass is greener and want to be in a relationship. Meanwhile, your significant other didn’t do anything wrong. You truly like them, but the shiny new feeling wore off and there’s another cute smile flirting with you right now. What do you do? You get out of the digital handcuffs, disappear and don’t explain that you aren’t interested in spending the holidays with his or her family.

What to do if your significant other ghosts you

1. Don’t Send Repeated Texts that Get Ignored. One-way texts are humiliating and the are self-inflicted digital pain. Staring at your phone waiting for his or her reply can become obsessive. Turn your phone off and go to a movie with a friend, take a walk, do anything but press the send button on another text. If the person you were involved with doesn’t have the balls to end a relationship with a conversation, don’t stalk them online or offline to get closure. It will push them away and it will confirm their thoughts that you’re  a crazy ex.  Go no contact ASAP and text a friend or me instead of your lost lover.

Read: Is Your New Boyfriend Ghosting?

2. Give the Ghoster Space. Sometimes a person just needs a break. When someone tells you they want a break, the initial reaction is that it’s a breakup. After all “break” is the first part of the word, right? Give your Ghoster a few days to sort out their feelings, have some space to think about life without you and they may return. They don’t even think they’ve ghosted you, but you’re hurting big time. The best think you can do for yourself is stay busy with your friends while your ghosting lover is thinking it over.

3. Let him/her Go. People who ghost know it’s not the right thing to do, but everyone else is doing it and it’s become so easy, so why not follow a trend? If someone you were involved with finds you to be that disposable, give them a one-way ticket out of your life.

Ghosters have a habit of not ending it formally, because if their other options don’t work out, they want to have the opportunity to return. It’s not a love hiatus when it’s not mutual and it’s fine to call a ghoster out on their behavior. If he/she ghosts you once, you’ll get ghosted again. Don’t become that person in rotation.

4. Don’t Take it Out on The Next Person. Just because you’ve been ghosted, doesn’t mean it’s acceptable and you should ghost the next person you meet. Treat others the way you want to be treated and let’s stop all of this ghosting once and for all.

Have you been ghosted before? How did it make you feel?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and is the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love online and on their mobile phones for over two decades. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

It’s Cuffing Season. What Does That Mean for Singles?

Cuffing SeasonCuffing Season is Here

Bundle up! The leaves are turning colors, fall is officially here, it’s getting chilly outside, and singles and couples alike are starting to think about curling up with someone special for the holidays.

This is what happens in the fall. It becomes ‘Cuffing Season,’ when the desire to couple up for the holidays is at an all time high.

What is Cuffing Season?

Cuffing season starts in the fall when the weather starts to change, kids go back to school, and summer romances fizzle out. Suddenly you’ll notice friends of yours who claim to be forever single appearing at a party with a significant other or new boyfriend or girlfriend. Others will flock to online dating sites to hope to connect with someone for the holidays. To be honest here, it’s a busy time for singles looking for love online as they imagine kissing under the mistletoe with someone special or toasting a glass of bubbly on New Year’s.

In thinking back to my past, I can honestly say that I’ve witnessed several relationships fail in the fall and new ones become solidified by November.  Did they know it was ‘Cuffing Season?’ Probably not.

So my friends and tweethearts, as a dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile on your face and be approachable, as it really can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you just might want to be a participant in. Party invites from business networking events are starting to pile in, so RSVP and fill up your date card.

READ: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO CUFFING SEASON

It’s time to embrace the month we are to be the most thankful for with Thanksgiving around the corner. Time is speeding fast and there are plenty of singles that will be excited to have you in their life.

If you’re in a toxic relationship or one that makes you anxious or are walking on eggshells, it’s time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship for the holidays just prevents you from finding someone more compatible to create new memories with. The possibilities are endless!

If you need any hand holding, check out our Irresistible Profiles packages to help speed up your search.

Happy Cuffing Season.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
~Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and instagram for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

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