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Dating Advice ? Is it OK To Want a Friendship Without the Benefits?

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Cyber-Dating Expert

What happens when your ideal guy and you aren’t ready for a commitment? A confused reader asks for dating and relationship advice with her new male friend.

Dear Julie.

I need your help and have a dilemma. I recently became friends with a guy and we spend a lot of time together. He texts me every day and due to our busy schedules, makes a point of hanging out with me every weekend. He waits from me after work and is an all-around gentleman.

After a month of spending time with him, I started developing feelings for him and I told him so. I told him that I really care for for him and like him, but that I couldn?t be in a committed relationship since I?m trying to focus on graduating college and establishing a life after school.

When I asked him how he felt about me, he responded that he sees us as friends. It? was a mature conversation and I told him I could accept that.

Can you explain what is going on in this crazy man?s head, or maybe I?m crazy?

~Only Friends

Dear Only Friends,

You have described the ideal man. The type of man every woman dreams of – one who is consistent in his actions, spends every weekend with you, is a complete gentleman, and made you a priority on Valentine?s Day.

Your guy hasn?t tossed you in bed and discarded you for another. In short, he?s a keeper and is hanging in there based upon your rules. You?ve told Mr. Perfect that you can?t have a committed relationship with him, and he hasn?t disappeared. The one thing you aren?t doing is being consistent with your feelings for him. Think about it. You tell him you have feelings for him and in the same breath, tell him you can?t be in a committed relationship? Some of the best relationships start off as friends, so you have the foundation for a good relationship moving forward.

Be happy for the friendship. He?s just respecting the confusing boundaries you?ve set in the relationship. Give him the opportunity to take the lead and see where it goes.

Keep us posted.

All my best,

Julie Spira

Do you have a dating question or dilemma? If so, we’d love to hear from you. Do you love our site?? We’ve been named a finalist for? Best Dating Blog in the Readers’ Choice Awards and would love your vote to win!

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Cyber Dating Expert – Best Dating Blog Finalist, Readers’ Choice Awards

Readers' Choice Awards

We’re jumping for joy at Cyber Dating Expert Headquarters!

Our site, Cyber-Dating Expert, the dating advice blog created as a lifestyle site for online daters, has been nominated as a finalist in About.com’s 2011 Readers’ Choice Awards.

It’s such an honor and without you, our readers, this wouldn’t have been possible, so we thank you for your votes. If you’d like to see us win, you’ll have the opportunity to vote daily until March 8th. Click this link to vote for Julie Spira – Cyber Dating Expert for Best Dating Blog.

Here’s a little history about Cyber Dating Expert and why I started this site:

Created in 2008, Cyber-Dating Expert was launched to support the online dating industry and single daters looking for love online. Originally, the stories were all from my personal dating experiences, and there were many. We launched with two very popular features, the Cyber Love Story of the Week and the Peril of the Week, where singles and couples can share their online dating stories. Some are heartwarming, some are heartbreaking, and some are simply hilarious.

As an early adopter of the Internet, I created my first online dating profile in 1994. After personally going on hundreds of dates after a painful heartbreak and then finding love on the web, ?I memorialized my story in my bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Being a former rock and roll DJ, it was time to dust off the headphones and go back on the air. We launched Ask the Cyber Dating Expert Show on Valentine’s Day in 2009 with Shayan Zadeh, co-founder of social dating site ZOOSK as our first guest. Since that time, we’ve featured hundreds of online dating CEOs and bestselling relationship authors on the program. ?Offline, I spend a lot of time helping singles find love online through my irresistible coaching programs, including creating irresistible profiles for daters.

In addition to the articles on Cyber Dating Expert, you’ll find my dating and relationship advice on Date Daily, eHarmony, GenConnect, JDate, Match.com, YourTango, and Zoosk. I also write about the marriage of love and technology on Huffington Post and our press room is filled with hundreds of articles and interviews to help you with your cyberdating journey. It’s been an honor and pleasure to have reached millions of singles and I’m personally touched by your support.

Cyber Dating Expert is not only a labor of love, it’s a destination site for singles who have learned to spice up their love lives with our Love Potions recipes, regular dating advice, and recommended books in our Reading Room.

Votes are being accepted from now through midnight EST on March 31st. You can vote for us daily. If you love our content, let us know and help us win!