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Why Criticizing an Online Dating Profile Will Backfire

Correcting GrammarNow it’s time for some online dating advice worth sharing.

While I?m a fan of JDate and recommend the site to many Jewish singles that I create irresistible online dating profiles for, this recent introduction message from a man who actually liked a woman?s profile, broke multiple rules of netiquette.

What exactly did he do wrong?

He corrected what he believed was a grammatical error and took it one step further and took a screen-shot of the improper sentence and forwarded it to her in his introductory email.

Where was his dating etiquette? How could he not know he was making a huge dating mistake? First impressions do matter, so of course he blew any chance of meeting her. Should she give forgive him? Would you run the other way or laugh it off? Feel free to chime in with your comments.

Subject: Commented on your profile essay

The Uncool Jerk

Woman’s Profile

Peril of the Week

While I believe you should use the “Spelling and Grammar” check on business and social emails, ?aspires? was not incorrectly spelled and slipped through the cracks. If you look closely at his comment, ironically you?ll notice a few grammatical errors on his end as he typed “U” instead of? the word” you” and “sayin” instead of “saying.” Was the pot calling the digital kettle black? Should you use slang and shorten words in an email if you’re not limited to 140 Characters on Twitter or 160 in a text message?

As an online dating expert and one who diligently preaches about first impressions and netiquette, he failed miserably.

Stunned by receiving this email from a potential suitor, the recipient decided she had four choices:

  1. Ignore him.
  2. Delete his email and possibly block his profile.
  3. Write back and laugh it off.
  4. Write back and let him know he was correct about one thing. He was indeed a jerk.

She chose option four and responded as follows:

Subject: Re: Commented on your profile essay

?While I appreciate a profile with perfect punctuation, I don’t believe an introduction email to someone whose profile you actually liked should start with a critique unless they’ve asked for one.?

?However, since punctuation and grammar are important to you, please note in your email to me, that the word “you” is spelled improperly as “U” and not y-o-u. Please note that there is no such word in the dictionary of “sayin.” The appropriate spelling of that word should have a “g” at the end of it and should be “saying.”

?However, you did spell the word jerk correctly.?

Was it too harsh of a reply? What would you have done?

Feeling completely embarrassed, the gentleman pursuer wrote a 300+ word apology letter, blaming his behavior on his father. Was it a red flag that he put the blame on his father or just a witty apology?? She appreciated that he didn?t get defensive and a cyber flame war was not initiated.

His Apology

?Thank you for your note and other than attempt to explain (not sure that’s possible), I apologize and am truly sorry for sending that note to you, truly. Jerk is correct and more than kind and again, rather than you simply dismissing this stupidity with no response, I can’t thank you enough for your words, thoughts and feelings in your response.”

“I’m sure you are familiar with the expression ‘like father, like son’, this is something my father would do, his intent was well meaning, but it came across rude and insensitive. I dubbed his stupidity to other family members as, ‘foot in mouth disease’. What possessed me to send this e-mail to you was sheer stupidity, for the life of me I can’t figure it out…just trying to do the right thing, in an ass backward manner.”

“Although you may not believe me…I am not a jerk. You’re correct in that I truly enjoyed and appreciated reading your profile, however, in attempting to be a good citizen, much the same as flashing my headlights to an oncoming car whose lights are off after sunset, I fell victim to my dad’s ‘foot in mouth disease’.”

“Yes, I had plans of reaching out to you tomorrow, in the hopes after reading my profile, you felt meeting one another made sense.”

“I’m so very upset, I felt I owed it to you to apologize as soon as I read your note.”

“I’m hoping you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. Should you be receptive to starting over with one another, I’m messaging you for all the reasons you state within that portion of your profile, as well as your straightforwardness, ‘current’ age and beautiful ‘current ‘pictures.”

“Again, thank you for taking the time to send your note, which surely helps me from repeating this same jerky behavior.”

At the end of the digital day, critiquing someone’s dating profile will get you in the doghouse. Would you give him a second chance, or the opportunity at a first chance? Have you ever critiqued a stranger’s online dating profile? Have you ever done this same? Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and helps singles ride off into the digital sunset by shortening their search. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Photo Credit: ? Blanca – Fotolia.com

3 First-Date Mistakes You Should Never Make

First Date Infographic

Our friends at We Love Dates released an Infographic that would make any online dater pause and take a look. We?re happy to include a special guest post from them with dating and relationship tips to help prevent you from making some first date mistakes when you finally meet someone you truly do like.

Dating Advice

 

Have you ever come home after a first date that you thought went well, only to never hear from him or her again?? It’s pretty safe to say that you have. There will always be much left to the unknown when it comes to first dates (that’s partly what makes them so exciting) here are a few first date mistakes that you might not even know you’ve made…until your phone stops ringing.

1.? Don’t Assume There Is Going To Be a Second Date

First dates are your one chance to make a lasting first impression. Don’t count on future opportunities. Make sure you’re in the right frame of mind and own it.? In addition, don’t make plans for the future, especially if the feelings aren?t mutual. Avoid conversations such as, ?We should do that, let’s go there, we should plan it…? Let second dates evolve naturally.

2.? Sharing Isn’t Always Caring

Remind yourself that this person is, quite literally, a virtual stranger.? There is no need to share your every thought and feeling with them, or spill the messy details of your last break-up. Forget bringing up the latest drama of your girlfriends. He really doesn?t want to know. Remember to keep it light and easy when you first meet.

3.? Don’t Drag It On

If you see there?s no chemistry in the first 15-minutes of your date, why drag it on for another hour-or-two? Keep the date brief as a meet-and-greet. Thank your date for taking the time to meet and move on.

Have you ever made any first date mistakes that you regret? We?d like to hear your stories.

This dating advice post was contributed by We Love Dates. View their infographic here: first date survival guide infographic.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

7 First Date Mistakes You Can’t Afford to Make

Recently, I wrote an article for Match.com’s Happen magazine about first date blunders you should avoid while looking for love online. Here are some first-date mistakes that you absolutely can?t afford to make if you want to put a second date on your planning calendar.

Click here for full article on Match>>>

Experts know that online dating can be a numbers game. You need to always put your best foot forward when you find a profile that?s intriguing and are interested in pursuing someone. But what many singles fail to realize is that your number-one pick may also be many other people?s favorite, too!

I sometimes compare Internet dating to an online auction: there might be multiple bidders at any time, and may the best man or woman win. Do I think that online singles are nothing more than objects of affection? Not at all. Online dating is simply the first step in building a relationship between two people that you need to successfully move offline. But remember, there could be heavy competition for dates ? and you can?t afford to blow your first impression, either online or off-line.

1. Avoid the ex-factor.

I?ve seen too many dinner dates that start out great only to end up being over before the main course has arrived. Why? Because too many people bring their exes to the table with them. This includes not only former spouses and lovers, but jobs, too. No one wants to hear about your sad past on a first date. Instead, always try to keep it light and fun. Talk about your favorite film, play, vacation spot, book, or what you enjoy doing on the weekends.

2. Flirting with disaster.

My dad likes to flirt with waitresses. It?s fine for my parents, as they have been married for over 50 years. Too often, though, I hear about men staring at their cute waitress or having a roving eye while on their first date with someone. So, men: focus on the woman you are meeting. Be captivated by your first-date conversation. Engage with the person sitting across the table from you.

3. Don?t dress for the bedroom.

Men are visual creatures and they can imagine undressing women with their eyes the moment they meet. This doesn?t mean that women should wear a sexy low-cut outfit showing off lots of cleavage. Men like to slowly unwrap a package, so to speak. Unless you?re just looking for a hook-up, women should leave the sexy clothes for when they really are ready for a more intimate relationship.

4. Obey the food and beverage rule.

While dating can be expensive if it includes multiple restaurants or drink tabs every week, if a man asks a woman out for coffee on a first date, he should offer to order her a beverage. If you think this is ridiculous, you?d be surprised. Often, I hear about coffee dates where a gentleman will?either bring his own water or just refuse to order a cup of tea for the woman he is meeting. If he is truly interested in getting to a second date, a coffee date means exactly that: it involves a beverage. Offer to order a coffee. A lunch or dinner date means ordering something to eat.

5. Hide the iPhone and BlackBerry.

Sure, you connect with others online. You can even use MatchMobile? while you?re on the go. But when you get to your date, put your smartphone in your pocket or purse and leave it there. It shouldn?t be a visible accessory on your date. Otherwise, it will give the impression that you are waiting for a better invitation to come in. Avoid the urge to check your messages and text a friend while you?re on a date.

6. Do your homework.

Just as you should be prepared for a job interview by researching your prospective employer to make a good impression, you should remember important details about the date you?re meeting. If your calendar is filled with dates, it can be confusing. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a man asking a woman why she never got married when she?s actually been married twice before. A man won?t feel good about his date when she asks why he decided to go into real estate when he?s really a doctor. Print out your date?s profile. Make notes on the page outlining the conversations you have together. Mention something that you liked about his or her profile. Don?t act like this person?s just another number in a series and that you?re too busy dating around to remember individual details.

7. It?s a first date, not an instant relationship.

Dating and courting is a process. Even if you connect on a deeper level and think he or she could be The One, don?t start talking about your future together right now. It?s just a first date. Enjoy the fact that it?s going well. Be excited that you both want to put a second date on the calendar, but don?t start filling up someone?s life as the instant girlfriend or instant boyfriend. It can come across as needy and you might get a voicemail message later on canceling date number two. Show your date that you have a full and happy life. Having someone special in it will just make it that much better. And remember that courtship should be enjoyable!

Even if there is no chemistry on your date, don?t be rude and walk out. What if your date happens to have a friend he or she?d be happy to introduce to you that would be a better fit? What if your date invites you to a business-networking event? Look at every date as a possibility for expanding your social network or meeting a new friend. If it turns into a romantic relationship, then you?ve hit the jackpot.

Julie Spira is a worldwide authority in online dating who posted her first online dating profile in 1994 and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Spira?s dating advice has been featured in such publications as The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Glamour, Men?s Health, Woman?s Day, and more. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com Follow her on Twitter @JulieSpira