digital dating expert Archives - Cyber Dating Expert : Cyber Dating Expert
In the News

Do Singles Click “Add Friend” on Facebook Before a Date?

I regret to inform you I will not be liking your status.

To friend, or not to friend on Facebook and social media? That question has been brewing for over a decade for singles who are excited about dating someone new.

The 2018 Singles in America Study conducted by Match has revealed some social media etiquette rules on how over 5000 singles prefer to connect when it comes to dating in the digital age.

With so much information available on the Internet, it’s a piece of digital pie to become a cyber-sleuth. From stalking (we mean searching) on public profiles on Instagram or Twitter, to conducting a google image search, there’s so much we can find out in advance.

In their survey, they found nearly 2/3 of singles use social media daily, with both men and women using social media to research their date.

RELATED: To Friend, or Not to Friend on Facebook

Social Media Before the First Date

Match tackled the question in their study with a pop quiz, asking “When do you hit the ‘Add Friend’ button?

While the majority (41%) prefer taking it slow, both online and offline, and say they’d wait until after a few dates, still 19% of singles actually take the leap and ask to become friends before a first date.

Let’s keep in mind there’s so much digital foreplay going on with texting, calling, and chatting online, that by the time many get to a first date, they feel like they’ve been dating for a while.

Prior to the first date, 20% of singles said they would ‘like’ a photo and 23% would strike up a private chat in Facebook messenger or on Instagram.

RELATED: Rules of Netiquette – Dating in a Facebook World

Post-Date Social Media Rules

Similar to those who are quick to click to become friends, 18% say they will only send a friend request once the relationship became serious.

After all, if you’re dating multiple people and playing the field, you really won’t want your date to see your whereabouts when you’re not together.

The survey showed that singles are most comfortable becoming friends on Facebook (75%) after a few good dates, as well as 36% approve of following on Instagram, lagging with 34% adding on SnapChat, and 40% would tag someone in a post.

To Tag, or Not to Tag?

When in doubt about posting and tagging, always ask for permission. Remember some people use social media for business purposes, and others don’t want a relationship that could become complicated appearing in the news feeds of their friends.

Once it gets serious, 66% actually changed their profile photo to a couples picture and say it’s find to become Facebook official. However only 13% of singles surveyed do change their status to “In a Relationship.”

At what point in the dating process would you become friends on social media?

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

 

How to Tell Your Date You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting

For those of you who think dating is a numbers or a swiping game, it goes much deeper and more personal that. We’re talking about love, big time. How to find it, how to nurture it, and how to keep it.

Dating, especially online dating or using mobile dating apps, continues to grow in popularity, but what happens when you’ve had three of four dates with someone, have had a heavy making out session, or have even gotten more intimate physically, but something just doesn’t click?

Or, what happens when you realize that you have more chemistry with your ex and playing the field didn’t work out the way you had hoped?

In these cases, rather than do a disappearing act and ghost someone, I’m here with some valuable dating advice and to tell you to pick up your big boy pants or put on your shiny lipstick and tell the person you’ve been dating the truth, instead of fading away and ignoring calls and texts. After all, you were in a relationship, regardless of how you defined it.

via GIPHY

How the convo should go when you’re not feeling it

Text exchange

Your Date: I’d love to get together again this weekend. How’s Saturday night?

You: I don’t think that will work.

Your Date: What about Friday or Sunday?

RELATED: The Text Message Breakup: Who’s Doing It?

You: This weekend’s not good. Let’s hop on a phone call, sound good?

Your Date: Sure…

Phone Call (after just a few dates) or In Person (If you’re been dating for a while)

You: I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and have had fun texting you, but I just don’t think we have enough in common for a long term relationship, and I know that’s what you’re looking for. You deserve that with someone. I just don’t think it’s me.

Your Date:  We’re just getting to know each other. We can continue to take the time to spend time together, to see where it goes. There’s no rush.

You: I think you’re terrific. I just don’t think we’re a fit and it’s best that we move on to meet others that we are both more compatible with.

Your Date: We can still date casually, right? I mean, I really like you.

You: I really like you too, but I don’t think we’re a fit. I see myself in a future with someone I’m more compatible with.  We both deserve to find someone that we’re both excited about and I wish you the best in your search.

RELATED: The Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

Now, you’re probably wondering why you should go through the agony of having this conversation, when it’s easier to just “unmatch” with him or her and go MIA? But everyone deserves to know why the person they were tongue kissing with has had a change of heart.

via GIPHY

Don’t turn your soon to be ex date into a stalker, over-texter, or obsessive person looking for an answer. Closure is important and healthy for both of you, so you can move on and find someone  that wouldn’t result in having this chat.

Don’t stalk your ex’s social media pages, as it will be harder for you to move on.

via GIPHY

Love takes time and if you’re not feeling it after a few dates, it’s fine to say you’d like to be friends, but most people don’t really mean it. It’s a sugar coated excuse for a breakup, something everyone deserves with dignity when you don’t ride into the sunset together.

Compatibility, chemistry, compassion, communication and closure are my five C’s for finding love in digital age.

RELATED: When it’s OK to Break Up in a Text

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating services. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and was the recipient of the 2017 Best Dating Coach of the Year Award.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Did You Know It’s Cuffing Season?

Autumn HeartHello November!

It’s starting to get chilly outside and singles and couples alike are starting to think about bundling up with someone special for the holidays. Just yesterday, we had rain in Los Angeles, which is unusual and I bundled up with my ski parka as the temperatures dipped.

In case you haven’t heard of it, it’s officially ‘Cuffing Season.’ You might wonder what exactly ‘Cuffing Season’ is, so here’s the scoop.

What is Cuffing Season?

Cuffing season starts in the fall when the weather starts to change, kids go back to school, and the leaves start to fall on the ground. Suddenly you’ll notice friends of yours who claim to be forever single appearing at a party with a significant other or new boyfriend or girlfriend. Others will flock to online dating sites to hope to connect with someone for the holidays. To be honest here, it’s a busy time for singles looking for love online as they imagine kissing under the mistletoe with someone special or toasting a glass of bubbly on New Year’s.

In thinking back to my past, I can honestly say that several of my relationships started in the fall and solidified in November to being exclusive. Did they know it was ‘Cuffing Season?’ Probably not.

So my friends and tweethearts, as a dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile on your face and be approachable, as it really can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you just might want to be a participant in. Party invites from business networking events are starting to pile in, so RSVP and fill up your date card.

READ: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO CUFFING SEASON

It’s time to embrace the month we are to be the most thankful for with Thanksgiving around the corner. Time is speeding fast and there are plenty of singles that will be excited to have you in their life.

If you’re in a toxic relationship or one that makes you anxious or are walking on eggshells, it’s time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship for the holidays just prevents you from finding someone more compatible to create new memories with. The possibilities are endless!

If you need any hand holding, check out our Irresistible Profiles packages to help speed up your search.

Happy Cuffing Season.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
~Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

Would you Use Facebook to Land a Date?

FBHeartOur friends at YourTango just completed their Dating in a Digital Age survey and found that 63% of singles are using online dating sites to find a serious relationship.

Of those surveyed, 95% said they have used Facebook to find a date. This number is enormous and does give hope to singles that cyber love is truly a way of everyday life.

So how do you make sure you’re putting your best digital foot forward?

Let?s start with revamping up your Facebook profile.

PHOTOS

Putting the best primary photo you can possibly find is key to your success in finding love on Facebook. Posting a photo with your BFF is off-limits. One with your cousin is also off the list if you’re single. It can send confusing messages and you won’t know for sure that someone is single. Posting no photo at all is as obsolete as the fax machine or VHS player. Remember, your photo will appear in a search, even to non-friends who would like to connect with you.

The YourTango study confirmed this as they found that two-thirds would not go on a date with someone whose profile contains no photos.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Think you’re too shy to let someone know you’re single, think again. Not posting your relationship status as ‘Single’ or ‘Divorced’ doesn’t mean you’re desperate. It means you’re stating your intention that you’re available for a relationship. On Facebook Love Stories, you’ll read the heartwarming story of Taunia and Jake. When Taunia changed her relationship status to ‘Divorced,’ she became reunited with a former boyfriend from twenty years earlier. The two got engaged at the Eiffel Tower in Paris and will be getting married this summer. Is that worth the free advertising on Facebook if you want to find love? We think so.

BECOME A FACEBOOK FLIRT

If you have a digital crush on someone, spend time occasionally ‘liking’ and commenting on his or her posts. Don’t overdo it, as you don’t want to come across as an obsessed cyber-stalking type. It’s digital foreplay and it’s amazing how it really works.

WATCH WHAT YOU POST

Posting photos and party shots over-and-over again might not send the message that you’re relationship material. Make sure your posts are varied and not all about you. Ask engaging questions in your posts and thank those who comment. Even if he or she won?t be the love of your life, think about their extended social network. Who doesn’t want to play digital matchmaker?

Are you flirting on Facebook? Do you think Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site? You’re comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and Facebook Love Stories. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more digital dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and visit our Cyber-Dating Expert and Facebook Love Stories pages.

Social Media Rules for a Happy Digital Valentine’s Day

Valentine'sWith Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s time to brush up on your social media etiquette skills.

We know that you’re excited about your upcoming date or new relationship, but are you both on the same digital page?

Here are some Dos and Don’ts on how to handle social media and love on February 14th.

DO: send a fun and flirty “Happy Valentine’s Day” text to the person you’ll be spending the holiday with. It will generate excitement leading up to your date.

DON’T: Keep your phone on the table during the date or check text messages. It sends a message that someone else is more important than you are.

DO: Send a text message inviting them for a SKYPE date if you can’t be together or if they live out of town.

DON’T: Post photos of the two of you as a couple on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram unless both of you decide together that you don’t mind your extended network to view your whereabouts.

DO: Post a photo of the cute red or pink dress you might be wearing on your date.

DON’T: Tag your new boyfriend on Facebook. Chances are he hasn’t told his buddies and work pals about his Valentine’s plans.

DO: Post a photo if you’ve received flowers, a fun gift, or of the dessert at dinner. Everyone loves to view the photos and will cheer you on with ‘likes.’

DON’T: Post your “Happy Valentine’s” message on your date’s wall. Saying you can’t wait until the evening together should remain private. Remember, a simple post may be innocent. However your friends might wonder what kind of wild night the two of you will be having. Or worse yet, his ex-girlfriend might start posting inappropriate comments to ruin your evening.

DO: Send a digital gift, such as his or her favorite band on iTunes, an e-card, or a redeemable gift card to a store or restaurant.

DON’T: Send a musical montage of “I Love You?”songs if you haven’t said those three little words yet.

DO: Ask for permission before you post anything online. Remember you?re creating a permanent digital footprint and your status and photos can be shared, even by people you don’t know.

DON’T: Overshare. Remember, many of your friends are single and may not be enjoying the day.

DO: Make an exciting announcement. If you become engaged on Valentine’s Day, your friends will want to know.

DON’T: Change your Facebook relationship status to ‘In a Relationship’ until both of you have had the talk and agree to be on the same digital page.

Do you have any social media rules for Valentine?s Day?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Dating and Love in a Web 2.0 World [infographic]

Dating in a Virtual World

We love Infographics showing the latest trends in online and social dating and couldn’t wait to share this latest one with you.

Some old standards remain to this day, including 49% of singles look at physical characteristics and 64% are interested in dating someone with common interests, but 27% of women are reporting they’ve been dumped in an email, text, or IM. Guys, where are your digital manners? We’re still happy though that 54% of men have experienced love at first sight, so romance is still alive and well.

Since “Brunette” is the new “black,” we had to point out that 60% of men prefer dark hair over blonde.

Enjoy!

~The Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Infographic: Dating in a Virtual World
Dating in a Virtual World by Free Dating.co.uk

For online dating advice, Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert