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Would you Use Facebook to Land a Date?

FBHeartOur friends at YourTango just completed their Dating in a Digital Age survey and found that 63% of singles are using online dating sites to find a serious relationship.

Of those surveyed, 95% said they have used Facebook to find a date. This number is enormous and does give hope to singles that cyber love is truly a way of everyday life.

So how do you make sure you’re putting your best digital foot forward?

Let?s start with revamping up your Facebook profile.


Putting the best primary photo you can possibly find is key to your success in finding love on Facebook. Posting a photo with your BFF is off-limits. One with your cousin is also off the list if you’re single. It can send confusing messages and you won’t know for sure that someone is single. Posting no photo at all is as obsolete as the fax machine or VHS player. Remember, your photo will appear in a search, even to non-friends who would like to connect with you.

The YourTango study confirmed this as they found that two-thirds would not go on a date with someone whose profile contains no photos.


Think you’re too shy to let someone know you’re single, think again. Not posting your relationship status as ‘Single’ or ‘Divorced’ doesn’t mean you’re desperate. It means you’re stating your intention that you’re available for a relationship. On Facebook Love Stories, you’ll read the heartwarming story of Taunia and Jake. When Taunia changed her relationship status to ‘Divorced,’ she became reunited with a former boyfriend from twenty years earlier. The two got engaged at the Eiffel Tower in Paris and will be getting married this summer. Is that worth the free advertising on Facebook if you want to find love? We think so.


If you have a digital crush on someone, spend time occasionally ‘liking’ and commenting on his or her posts. Don’t overdo it, as you don’t want to come across as an obsessed cyber-stalking type. It’s digital foreplay and it’s amazing how it really works.


Posting photos and party shots over-and-over again might not send the message that you’re relationship material. Make sure your posts are varied and not all about you. Ask engaging questions in your posts and thank those who comment. Even if he or she won?t be the love of your life, think about their extended social network. Who doesn’t want to play digital matchmaker?

Are you flirting on Facebook? Do you think Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site? You’re comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and Facebook Love Stories. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more digital dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and visit our Cyber-Dating Expert and Facebook Love Stories pages.

The Online Dating Rejection Letter

The Online Dating Rejection LetterMore often than not, you won’t be riding off into the digital sunset with your online date.

Digital dating can be tricky and there are no real rules, other than you should treat someone the way that you’d like to be treated. Sometimes initial emails that you’ve carefully crafted to someone you think you might connect with, don’t pass the test and you either get ignored, or receive the big rejection email.

While you might be used to receiving rejection letters from schools that you’ve applied to or for manuscripts you might have submitted, when it comes to matters of the heart, these notifications can be hurtful and cold.

Below are six actual rejection letters sent to women online. Some passed the test of being polite, others weren’t necessary.

On, they make it easy for you to reject someone by giving you the option of sending their canned email to someone whose profile didn’t make the cut on their date card.

This one gentleman was so sure he wanted to reject a particular woman who was on his daily match list, that he sent this canned email twice and followed up with an additional personal email a few hours later.

Was it a bit of overkill? I think so.

Online Dating Rejection Letter One (via automated email)

Subject: Message: Thanks, but…

Some people just don’t know a good thing…

[Profile user’s name] appreciates your taking the time to let him know you’re interested, but doesn’t think you’re a good match for him. Don’t be discouraged. Magic happens when you least expect it. With millions of singles on, you could be just one click away from finding someone who’s right for you.

Six hours after receiving two canned rejection letters, he decided to send a personalized rejection letter.

Online Dating Rejection Letter Two (via email)

Subject: i am not sure


i dont know vhy….a think you are not funny..



With all of the punctuation problems and three attempts to be rejected, it appears a bullet was dodged. One can only wonder how many others received multiple rejection letters on a daily basis from this guy and why he?s still single. I think he made his point, but they hadn’t even exchanged a single email yet. Three strikes, he’s out.

Online Dating Rejection Letter Three (via email)

Subject: thanks


It was great meeting you the other evening.


I got the feeling that we most likely are in the “friend pile” and that’s OK.


Lets stay in touch!


All the best!

Did he really want to be “just friends?” Probably not, as men and women can’t be friends, right? However, he was a gentleman about it and didn’t put her down. Leaving the options open? Looking for Plan B?

Online Dating Rejection Letter Four (via email)

Subject: Hi
How are you?


I really enjoyed the time with you. You’re interesting and fun to talk to–you have great experience and accomplishments and sharing your views with people. It was a quality evening ….thank you.


I wish that I felt that we are a good/right match, but my senses tell me not–so best to carry on with our searches, I believe.


I wish you the best of luck in yours and in finding the great man you deserve.

Yes. He didn’t have the chemistry with her that he was hoping for. It was the most flattering online dating rejection letter that ever crossed my desk. How can you not like this man while he gently let her down? Did he need to send an email at all? No. They didn’t have plans for a second date, nor did he say, “I’ll call you,” when he walked her to her car.

Online Dating Rejection Letter Five (via email)

In the department of he was feeling it, but thought she wasn’t, a gentleman sent the following email to his date who he had been excited about. Fortunately, she read between the lines and replied to him to keep the conversation going.

Subject: No Subject


Thanks for a wonderful are a beautiful accomplished intelligent woman…but pretty clear we don’t mesh = I got that from your parting and body language…I wish you all the best with your career and love life.

Rather than ignoring his email, she responded, because she did feel a connection with her date.

Subject: Your Email


Thanks for a lovely evening.


I really enjoyed our conversation and thought we were getting along well, so I was surprised to get your rejection letter today, after over a combination of a dozen phone calls/emails.


I don’t believe that body language is a barometer and it was a cold winter night.  I did say I had a great time with you when I said goodbye, which would have been a cue to ask me out for a second date, but you decided not to. I would have welcomed that.


However, I do understand these types of emails…the “it’s not you it’s me…” I don’t believe it had to do with parting after about 3 hours (most dates are much shorter), or my body language, so perhaps you were wrong with your assumption, and so it goes…..


I wish you the best of luck with your search and hope you find someone to mesh with.

He of course replied to her and realized that he was wrong in assuming there wasn’t a connection. In this case, it was salvageable.

Sometimes a rejection letter gives the sender the feeling of power. Other times, they’re hoping to get a reply begging them to consider. Either way, I recommend no contact after a date that didn’t go well, especially if there’s no second date scheduled on the calendar.

Dating can be hard. You’re meshing two people together in one night of conversation to try to decide whether you should go on a second date or not. First impressions matter and we’re human. Sometimes we might have an off night. I think you should always give someone a second chance if you’ve enjoyed their company, rather than sending a unilateral rejection letter.

Have you ever sent a rejection email to someone after a date? Have you ever received one that caught you off guard? Do you think it’s necessary to communicate that you’re not feeling it for someone after a first date? Personalized or canned? I invite you to post your experiences in our comments.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is the leading online dating expert and founder of She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating.? For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

Photo credits:  indomercy –

Julie Spira on WGN – Online Dating Advice and Tips

WGNDid you miss the radio broadcast with Online Dating Expert Julie Spira and WGN radio’s Bill Leff.

In an hour-long segment, we covered the dos and don’ts for cyberdating, the pros and cons of doing a Google search on your date, and how to spot fake online dating profiles.

Learn more about dating in a web 2.0 world.

Listen here:

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

Can Googling Your Date Ruin Your Chance of Finding Love?

Googling Your DateConducting a Google search before going on a date is as common as brushing your teeth in the morning.  Sure you may be excited about him or her, but can over-Googling backfire?

In the April issue of Glamour magazine, I?m quoted along with’s Dr. Helen Fisher in an article, Stop Googling Your Dates!

Becoming a Cyber-sleuth in your pre-dating phase I believe is detrimental to getting to know someone.

The digital pre-date can last for several hours in front of your computer. From Facebook to Linkedin, Google, and Twitter, you may find yourself excited at one article where your date won a prestigious award, and then in the next moment, cringing when you see his party photos.

“Pre-dating makes you feel like you already know each other by the first date. You get this false, euphoric sense of security that you’re in a relationship. Pre-dating accelerates your entire courtship. Just remember, that you really don’t know him; you just think you do…”

As technology continues to develop, a Google search may become as passe as the fax machine. With Google Image Search, one can now find your photo on the Internet or on an online dating site, upload it to Google Image Search and possibly find out your date’s first and last name. Once that piece of the puzzle is solved, the digital door is wide-open.

Take for example a phone call that I recently received from a man whom I did not know. I shared this story on Huffington Post in an article, Google Image Search – Can it Replace Online Dating Sites?

In this scenario, a man I never met uploaded one of my photos he found online. It led him to my media page, YouTube channel, book page, and provided him with details of where I lived and the restaurants I was a regular patron of. Was this creepy? You better believe it. Whether he meant it when he said he wanted to sweep me off my feet or not, I decided against meeting him. Did I miss out on meeting the one? Perhaps next time, he?ll think twice about Googling and telling.

Do you Google your dates before you meet them? Have you checked Facebook to see if you have friends in common or what pages they’ve ‘liked?’ Would you use Google Image Search to widen the opportunities to meet other singles?

At the end of the digital day, you can run, but you can?t hide.

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at

Facebook Love Story – Patience and Sam

Facebook Love StoriesMeet Patience and Sam who fell in love on Facebook.

Over 25 years ago, Patience had a serious crush on Sam.

She knew him the class clown and the wildly popular senior who always found new ways to be in the spotlight.

By contrast, Patience was quiet and considered more of a wallflower. She thought that Sam was “out of her league.” They two never dated and barely acknowledged each other in the halls. During a formal dance, after her date had ditched her, Patience was shocked when Sam asked her to dance and pulled her into a random picture. They still have that picture.

Twenty-six years went by. Sam got married and then divorced. He lived in Israel, where he was teaching college and high school French. Meanwhile in New York,? Patience had gone into publishing and had serial-dated for two decades. She was 41-yeats-old and thought she was completely over the New York dating scene, which she jokingly refers to as “buffet dating.”

In August 2009, in the ‘Suggested Friends’ section on Facebook, Sam noticed the little redhead as one of his options and “friended” Patience immediately. For Patience, it was a no-brainer to be in contact with such a popular person from high school. She started flirting on Facebook by ‘liking’ his morose status updates. Finally, Sam picked up the phone and called her. Their first phone conversation lasted for over two hours.

One Facebook friendship and three months of Skype dates later convinced them there was something there. He asked if he could visit and possibly marry and father her children. Patience said all of her girlfriends thought she was crazy, but she knew there was a connection between them.

On December 17, 2009, Sam uprooted himself to go west and saw Patience for the first time in twenty-six years. He ended up staying in New York. On their first visit to his father’s house in Miami, Sam dug out the original picture of them, which he’d kept all these years. They were married on January 16, 2011 and live in New York.

Congratulations to Patience and Sam, our featured couple in Facebook Love Stories.

Do you know someone who fell in love on Facebook?


Facebook Love Story

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of and For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at For Facebook dating advice, follow @FBLoveStories on Twitter and their Facebook Page

Weekly Flirt – Online Dating Advice

Weekly Flirt

The Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt is now available for your reading pleasure.

6 Online Dating Mistakes You Must Avoid

Online Dating MistakesRecently on, I was asked to chime in on some of the huge mistakes both men and women were making in their online dating profiles. As an online dating expert and one who has studied the industry since its infancy, the list could have easily jumped to 50 items. Meredith Bodgas selected her top 10 favorites for the story, 10 Little Ways to Kill Your Online Dating Game. We were glad to contribute to the story.

1. DON’T include a laundry list of turnoffs in your profile.
No one wants to date a guy who?s too judgmental.? Instead, mention the traits you do want in a girlfriend. You?ll seem way less negative.

2. DON’T Say you want a ?drama-free? woman.
It’s a clich? that will not only turn a woman off, but it sends the message that you?ve got excess baggage regarding your ex. Most women will realize you have unresolved issues from past relationships and probably take a pass. Instead, stick to naming the positive qualities you seek in a mate or a date.

3.? DON’T Mention sex in your profile.
Include that, and the ladies may think that you’re looking for a hook up. Worried you?ll wind up with a prude? Don?t. Women know that intimacy?s part of the package if the relationship moves forward.

4.?DON’T Start IMing right away.
Many women don?t like receiving IMs from men whose profiles they haven?t read yet. So start the dialogue with an e-mail to give her a chance to check out your details. And hold off on IMing until you?ve exchanged a few e-mails. It’s a digital courtship and you need to know the rules to play the game and win.

5.?DON’T Tell a woman she?s hot.
Focusing on the physical makes a woman feel you?re not interested in getting to know the real her. Mention something else you admired about her profile if you want your email to be taken seriously.

6. DON’T Wait too long to ask her out.
I believe you should take your relationship from online to offline after a few e-mails,? otherwise, you?ll end up with a digital pen-pal, which isn?t quite the point of online dating. If there?s chemistry after one phone chat, set a date to meet in person.

Full Story on Men’s Fitness

Do you have an online dating story to share? Share your Success Stories to be featured in our Cyber Love Story of the Week and let us know about your bad dates in our Peril of the Week.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at


The Weekly Flirt – Are You Ready for Summer Love?

Cyber Dating Expert Weekly Flirt

Click here and let the flirting begin >>>

Online Dating in a Klout World – Tawkify Speaks Out

Klout Heart

Klout - Talkify

Most singles who I coach on finding love online aren’t aware of Klout, social media reputation, or the marriage of social media and technology.

Perhaps they see their percentages of a Match on OkCupid with their Quiver matches, where a 90+ match is worth responding to.

Often they’re matched up on with their Builder/Negotiator, Explorer/Director, created by biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher.

Most singles just want to find love, with any algorithm they can find.

So what happens when you marry a new dating site, Tawkify, created by Cyber-Dating Expert’s friend and Elle columnist E. Jean Carroll, with social influence site Klout? Talkify is the first dating site to partner with Klout? to use the Klout scores as a measurement of allure and as a prediction of falling in love. Curious to hear more?

E. Jean tells Klout, “In a series of blind experiments (the thirty couples we matched were not told we were using their Klout Scores), we?ve found that Klout Scores will predict the brilliance or dullness of match?-and how quickly people will click.”

I have to admit, I do check my Klout score daily and it’s been steady at 61 for a while, where I’m labeled a “Broadcaster.” I now qualify for Tawkify’s “Red Carpet Vip Service.” Does that mean I need to meet someone else who is social media savvy with a 60+ score? Not really as the best relationships I’ve been in are with men who don’t tweet. ?I’m excited to see how the two will work together and would be curious to see if a Klout personality type of “Broadcaster” will match nicely with a “Thought Leader” or “Celebrity” with an “Observer,” or even “Pundit” with a “Specialist.”

So how does Tawkify work? You fill out a profile, answer ten questions and on Monday night your phone rings with a match. I’m hoping if there’s no match, that they won’t deduct the credit from your account. Prices range from $8 for one match to $1499 for the miracle worker.(with a special New York Times offer of $250.

Another brand that I admire who has partnered with Klout is fashion site Gilt, where you get discounts based upon your Klout score. ?We’ll be excited to share a Klout love story any day in our Cyber Love Story of the Week.

At the end of the digital day, online dating has finally moved to what I call social dating, and it’s here to stay.

Question: Would you value your date’s Klout score? Would you take a digital peek before deciding to go on a date?

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and social media strategist. She’s the CEO and Editor-in-Chief at As an early adopter of online dating, Julie created her first profile in 1994. Today, she writes irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and is an expert in mobile dating. ?For more dating advice, Like us at

Dating and Love in a Web 2.0 World [infographic]

Dating in a Virtual World

We love Infographics showing the latest trends in online and social dating and couldn’t wait to share this latest one with you.

Some old standards remain to this day, including 49% of singles look at physical characteristics and 64% are interested in dating someone with common interests, but 27% of women are reporting they’ve been dumped in an email, text, or IM. Guys, where are your digital manners? We’re still happy though that 54% of men have experienced love at first sight, so romance is still alive and well.

Since “Brunette” is the new “black,” we had to point out that 60% of men prefer dark hair over blonde.


~The Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Infographic: Dating in a Virtual World
Dating in a Virtual World by Free

For online dating advice, Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at

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