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Cyber Love Story – Raquel and David

Cyber Love Story - Davd and RaquelWhen David’s dad requested that I critique his son’s profile on OkCupid, I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. David did not have an Irresistible Profile, not even close.

As a single dad with a heart of gold, his profile didn’t reflect what a great guy he was. As a matter of fact, the pictures weren’t inviting and throughout the profile he said, “Don’t contact me if…. and don’t contact me if…” He also included a warning label at the end.

There was such a huge list of reasons why a woman shouldn’t contact him. As a result, he had a pretty empty inbox.

Fortunately, he was a great student and his profile tune up resulted in David meeting the love of his life, Raquel and they’ve been going strong for almost four years.

RELATED: Moving from Best Friends to In a Relationship

David says he felt a familiar connection when he first gazed into Raquel’s eyes in her online dating photo. He recalls his initial comment being about one of their shared interests and that her outfit, in her profile photo, reminded him of a Viking princess.

Raquel responded and they had their first phone conversation where they discussed Robert Camp’s book, “Love Cards” and had fun discussing their connection, based on those principles. At the close of that phone call, they set a date to meet.

David very much appreciated their shared interests in self-help, spiritual, and mystery school topics and their attraction was mutual. Their first date led to a second and after their fifth, they became exclusive.  One of the first things they did together, after becoming an item, was doing a couple’s weekend at the University of Santa Monica (USM), of which Raquel is an alum, so they could start their relationship off on the right footing.

RELATED: OkCupid’s Flirting Year in Review

Most of the couples who attended had been married for many years and they were either doing what they can to re-ignite their passion or were at the end of their ropes and desperate to find a reason to stay together. Raquel and David consider themselves to be very lucky to have learned these tools and techniques, in the beginning of their relationship, which continue to be put into practice to this day, to protect and ensure that their coupling remain conscious and honored.

Since their time together, both of them have become Human Design Guides and also formed a company called, CoachEXP.com, a rating and review website for life coaches, business mentors, and spiritual leaders, which is quickly growing in popularity.  David and Raquel remain truly grateful for every precious moment they have and intend to continue to do great work together. They are partners in every sense of the word.

David says he is now in my debt, (yes men do hire dating coaches!), so I can call upon him at any time and he must comply with my wishes.

Congratulations to David and Raquel for finding love online, on OkCupid.

Do you have a Cyber Love Story to share?

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Dating Expert JULIE SPIRA Named Best Dating Coach at iDate Awards

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

SPIRA is Celebrated for her Excellence in Navigating Love

Miami, Florida –January 26, 2017—JULIE SPIRA, who ranks as the most influential person in dating and online dating, was named “Best Dating Coach,” at the iDate 2017 Awards. The iDate Awards represents the best dating and social networking has to offer the public. The awards include 13 categories and is the largest gathering of executives who specialize in online dating, matchmaking, mobile dating, and the growing niche dating industry.

Julie SpiraSpira, CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, was one of five finalists in her category and received a majority of the votes. Other winners of the iDate Awards included Match, eHarmony, and mobile app, Bumble. Spira who specializes in coaching singles who are looking for love online, is an accomplished dating coach and bestseller author who helps people looking for love in the digital age.

“Its great to be recognized for something that I’m truly passionate about,” said 2017 Best Dating Coach winner, Julie Spira. “When you love playing cupid, it’s a joy to help those who desire love to date smarter, with the goal of finding their soul mates.”

Held on location in Miami, at the Miami Beach Botanical Garden, the Internet Dating Conference is the largest trade show and business conference for the online dating, social networking, and matchmaking industries. Several business meetings are held each year covering the technology, management and marketing for the industry. The Miami conference is the largest. Held each January, it focuses on the multi-billion dollar global dating industry.

About Julie Spira

Julie Spira is a dating and relationship expert who has become the go-to person in the media for online dating and mobile dating advice. She’s been featured in over 1000 media stories and has been helping singles find love for over two decades by helping them find their perfect match.

  • America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker
  • Ranks as most influential person in dating and online dating
  • Named as one of the Top 10 Columnists to Follow on Twitter
  • Winner, Best Dating Coach for 2017

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram

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PR Contact: Amy Prenner
310-709-1101

amy@theprennergroup.com

Contact: Julie Spira
310-433-7786
julie@juliespira.com

Dating Resolutions You Can Really Keep

New Year's Resolutions

 

My how time flies!

It’s already the middle of January in 2017.  The V word is right around the corner, Valentine’s Day, the ‘Super Bowl ‘of dating.

For those who made New Year’s resolutions, if they included joining a gym, losing weight, dating again or finding love, here’s some wise dating advice to add to your list that we know you can really keep.

1. I will create a NEW online dating profile.

If you’ve tried dating sites without success, guess what? You’ve got a lousy profile. Whether you decide to hire a dating coach to hold your hand or take on the task on your own, it’s time to say out with the old, in with the new. Your stale profile needs a digital facelift to attract your dream date.

2. I will log on EVERY morning before work and EVERY night before going to sleep.

If you can find an hour a day to call your BFFs to talk about your day, or your empty date card, you have time to log on twice so your profile shows you are active and for you to write to and respond to potential dates.

3. I will ACCEPT three dates a week and will stop looking for perfection.

Going on a date doesn’t mean you’ll be walking down the aisle with your date or merging bank accounts. It’s just a date; a meet-and-greet. The more you date, the better dater you will become. So if someone has 50% of what you’re looking for, agree to go on a date. Who knows? He or she just might become a new friend or might have someone else for you if there’s no romantic connection. Fill your date card (less than 50% of the week) by scheduling three dates. Coffee, lunch, drinks, you name it.

RELATED: Moving From Best Friends to In a Relationship

4. I will go out on TWO dates with each person.

Say goodbye to one-and-done dating and hello to meeting new and exciting people. We believe that everyone deserve a second chance. First dates can make many nervous. In fact some people change locations in the same night (dinner somewhere and dessert elsewhere) just to say they’ve gone on two dates. The goal of your first date should be to keep it light and simple and SCHEDULE a second date on the calendar.

5. I will search and write to TEN people a day. Before you shoot the messenger, you should know that by writing to ten people, you might only get one reply. Remember, not everyone is logging on at the same time, some go on vacation, and others are dating multiple people. It’s not unusual for someone to thank you for your email, but to tell you they’ve met one person and want to see where it goes. The only way to be successful is to be PROACTIVE. That means ladies can write to men, so toss out the old rules. Men will be flattered to hear from you, because they are writing to a lot of women and many don’t write back.

Related: Dating Netiquette: Why Grammar Matters

Think of dating and finding the perfect match for you like looking for a job. You won’t stop searching for a job when you’re out of work, even after three bad interviews or no replies. The same goes with dating. If you’re looking for love, you need to put in the effort to win the digital love lottery.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Photo credit: Fotolia

Our Irresistible Profiles Coaching programs come in a variety of levels, from Going Steady, a profile critique to Totally in Love, with a brand new profile and 30 days of unlimited text/email support, to our VIP Digital Matchmaker plan for the most serious of singles, which includes a new profile and 10 private coaching sessions.

So get out of fear mode, stop ghosting, stop swiping without meeting IRL, and come to the digital party with all the tools you need for a happy and loving 2017.

If you need some help in getting started with your online dating profile, contact us and we’ll help you create that IRRESISTIBLE Profile to help you stand out among the millions of online daters.

Julie Spira is a dating coach and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She’s a finalist for Best Dating Coach in the 2017 iDate Awards. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter, where you’ll also be able to download for free the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for Dating Advice

Happy National Matchmaker Day

 

via GIPHY

Happy National Matchmaker Day! Every day seems to be a holiday, but today our friends at Match sent us a tweet to honor the matchmakers who help the love world go around.

The matchmaking industry has changed a lot since the days of “Fiddler on the Roof.” As the Digital Matchmaker, we’re proud to have been responsible for so many happy couples and marriages. We are so honored to be in the love business with our Irresistible Coaching programs and have given so many of you hope when you thought you’d never find love just a click or swipe away.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for embracing our dating and online dating advice.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

~Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert team.

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram and sign up for our FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Why You’re Not Getting Lucky in Love Online

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Spring is around the corner. The clocks have been pushed ahead and many of you are calling and writing in with that achy pain and frustrated feeling.

You’re swiping, you’re smiling, you’re flirting, and you’re still single.

If you feel this way, know that you’re not alone. Just like you do a spring cleaning of your closets and homes, or your medical health checkup at the beginning of a season, it’s time for a digital checkup on the reasons why you’re not successful with online dating.

If you’re feeling unlucky on the day one believes in luck the most, this post is for you.

Roman philosopher Seneca said it best when he talked about luck. “Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity. ”

Just how prepared are you? How much work are you willing to do to be happy and in love? Is it fate and are you waiting or will you take matters into your own digital hands?

Here’s an open letter to women to help open your heart to find love this spring.

Do any of these sound familiar?

  • I’m unhappy with the quality of matches.
  • I think all guys want to hook up.
  • Online dating and mobile dating feels like too much work.
  • No one responds to my emails.
  • Guys have too many options and are looking for the next great swipe.
  • All he wants to do is text.
  • I don’t want to be online for too long.
  • The same people are online that were online last year.

The list goes on.

These gripes and frustrations are coming from both men and women. You see, we’ve all been there. I can tell you that we are coaching more men these days than women and they are SERIOUS about finding love.

They pay for a dating coach, they put the expense and effort into getting new photos taken for the Internet dating profiles, they’re proactive and are writing to ten women a day. They put the same effort into online dating or are using their mobile dating apps to find a partner, with the same effort they do in getting that promotion at work. They know it can take a moment, a day, a week, or a year. They do the work and for the most, they don’t complain about it. There’s a gold ring at the end. It’s getting the girl.

This is what someone does when they pursue what they’re looking for. Seek and ye shall find.

Related: 7 Ways to Flirt on St. Patrick’s Day

As women, we are trained to wait for the man to find us. We don’t search that frequently and we don’t send ten emails to men every day or respond to that mutual match on a mobile dating app first.  That’s too much male energy for us. We think about the guy who couldn’t commit, about a potential date’s height, income, our ex who found a younger girlfriend, and the boyfriend who cheated. There’s so much negative thinking going on, that it’s impossible to attract someone great. Guys are guilty until proven innocent. I know this, because I talk to single men and women every day who are looking for love.

Related: Ladies, Make the First Move Online to Score 2.5 More Dates

These days, if you don’t have a mobile dating strategy, you’re pretty much not in the game. Not every swipe turns to a match. Not every match turns into a date. Not every date turns into your boyfriend. Not swiping means you just might be waiting…and waiting. Next season, you’ll be reading this post again waiting for summer to begin, wondering where all the great guys are.

So what are the guys complaining about?

  • Every girl’s profile looks the same.
  • Every girl wants a sugar daddy or someone to pay her bills.
  • Women have too many choices and they never write back.
  • We want to sleep with her eventually, but we need to have chemistry.
  • Women are looking for free meals.
  • Women complain about bad dates, exes, work, and money.
  • She’s a serial dater and not looking for something serious.
  • The same people are online that were online last year.

As a Digital Matchmaker and Online Dating Expert for over 20 years, I can tell you that both men and women have the same complaints. They want to connect, they just can’t find you. Or if they find you, you complain and don’t seem open and available.

I’m here to tell you that women are allowed to make the first move, while still remaining in their feminine energy. This is why both women and men enjoy the new Bumble app, where women make the first move. Women have more control over their love lives now, rather than waiting for their one in 50 million to find them. Men are flattered to hear from the women. Guys are frustrated when they keep swiping and writing, with no reply. Matches are being made. It’s what happens IRL that can help or hinder the process of getting to a second date and starting a relationship.

Related: Why Women Like Bumble

Here’s the thing, everyone’s dating online. No one calls to say they’re super-excited to be dating five guys a week for 52 weeks. They’re hoping their online dating tenure is shorter than longer.

A Pew Internet Research survey on online dating has shown that 30% of women actually enlist the help of someone to write their dating profile. These are the women who are taking it seriously. The same survey also showed that three times the amount of singles 18-24 are using mobile dating apps as compared to two years ago. It also showed that online dating use for adults 55-64 has doubled in the same time period. Everyone from your kids to grandma are dating online.

As you write down your long list of what you’re looking for and what you’re NOT looking for, I urge you to take any negative words or statements out of your vocabulary, out of your profile, and out of your first few dates. Everyone has a bad day here or there. If you’re walking train wreck, no one will want to date you or fall in love with you. Sure, they’ll sleep with you if you let them, but then you’ll complain that all guys want to hook up. As much as guys say they want a drama-free woman, there is no such thing as a drama free life. Our life lessons are what makes us unique.

Related: How to Write a Dating Profile That’s As Cool And Interesting as You

With spring around the corner, I urge you to leave the drama behind, leave the novel behind and go out and be happy. Enjoy meeting new people and learning about life outside of your world.

If your profile is filled with deal-breakers and you’re saying “don’t contact me if…,” I promise you, he won’t.

Life and love have a bit of luck involved, but it’s the effort that you put in that will determine the outcome of your fate. If you’re still stuck, you know where to find us.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert , Mobile Dating Expert, and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s a frequent guest in the media with her online dating advice. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, and remember to sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

National Get Over It Day: Time to Let Go Of Your Ex

LogoWhether you’re stuck on an ex, upset with your significant other, or still hurting from a recent breakup, it’s time to get over it.

March 9 is National Get Over It Day, so it’s the perfect time to let go of any anger, disappointment, hurt, rejection, or stress in your life – all of which can be caused by holding on to the scattered remains of an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.

If you’re worried you might be the only one to ever get hung up on an ex, you’re not alone. National Get Over It Day was created by Jeff Goldblatt in 2005 after he was having a lot of trouble getting over his ex-girlfriend.

How can you get over your ex?

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we’re here to help with these 5 tips.

1. Spend Time With Friends

You may think being alone is the best way for you to deal with your feelings, but isolating yourself will only make it worse. Get out of bed, get your hair and nails done, go on a hike, and be with those who love you, regardless of your relationship status.  Acknowledge that you have feelings you need to talk about and ask a friend or your girlfriend network if they can spare some time to hear you out.

Related: 7 Signs the Way You’re Dealing With Your Breakup is Unhealthy

2. Find New Hobbies

Being active so that you’re not alone with your thoughts is important, but finding new hobbies and activities you can enjoy on your own is also a good idea. Instead of focusing on the things you did as a couple, find activities you can do on your own or with a close friend. Check out events on Facebook or MeetUp if you get stuck, but get out of the house to get over it.

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3. Stay Off of Your Ex’s Social Media

Checking up on an ex is the one way to ensure you won’t get over them. There’s nothing wrong with seeing how they’re doing, but checking up on them constantly after a recent breakup has the potential to become obsessive and prevents you from healing. Facebook now allows you to minimize the feed of your former flame, without having to unfriend or block them.

Related: Facebook Eases the Digital Pain When You Break Up

4. If It Still Hurts, Go No Contact

Maybe you and your ex decided to stay friends and it’s too hard on you, or maybe they feel as if they really hurt you and keep checking in to make sure you’re okay out of guilt. This can potentially hinder your healing process, and if it does, let your ex know and ask them to stop communicating with you. Sometimes you have to cut someone out completely and go NC depending on the circumstances. It’s okay to block your ex if they persist on speaking with you, even if you’ve asked them not to do so.  Just tell them you’re doing it to avoid creating any more drama around the breakup.

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5. Don’t Hide Your Pain

A breakup can be one of the toughest emotional hardships we go through. Don’t try to stifle your emotions. It’s perfectly normal to feel hurt and to spend time grieving over your breakup. The sooner you deal with your emotions surrounding the loss, the sooner you can move past it. They say time heals all wounds. While this is cliche, there’s nothing further from the truth. We’ve all been there and it really hurts, but know that it’s temporary. Who knows what the next chapter will unveil? It’s true that when one door closes, another opens.

Related: Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

Can’t figure out what you need to get over it? Goldblatt says “just ask your friends what they’re tired of hearing you complain about.” Yes, your friends will tell you the truth. Then, take the time to go online and dip a toe in one at a time. Someone special just might be waiting to meet you. When the time is right, you’ll know.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

twitter - Julie SpiraPerils of Cyber-Dating Audio Book CoverInstagram Julie Spira

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert, Mobile Dating Expert, and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating, and  was an early adopter of Internet dating, coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Find out how Irresistible Profiles will help you fill your date card to find your dream date.

Sign up for the free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox, along with the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online.

 

Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

The Digital Breakup

It’s no secret that January has been known to be breakup month. It’s a New Year and a time for couples to decide whether to move forward or not before Valentine’s. As a dating expert, I’ve worked with couples who said, “Let’s get through the holidays and see how we feel.” Others feel that Valentine’s is around the corner, so they hang in there to see how it goes. Many couples couldn’t decide whether to call it quits in the love department. Many didn’t survive the holidays and it really hurt.

With the new year, singles and couples tend to evaluate the health of their relationships and if they want to sign up for another year, or longer. Some relationships which were in limbo, ended during what seemed to have been the worst time of the year. But lets, face it. Is there ever a good time to break up?

When you see your friends change their Facebook statuses to “In a Relationship” or “Engaged,” you’ll either suffer from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) or FOGO (Fear of Getting Out).

Now that I’ve filled you with acronyms that might hit a digital nerve, a New York Times article by Aimee Lee Ball lists a variety of breaking up mobile apps that will help you dump your not-so-significant other.

As painful a breaking up can be this time of year, know that it’s also time for new beginnings. This is peak season for online dating and many terrific new singles will be joining Internet dating sites in big numbers.

READ: THE BUSIEST DAY FOR ONLINE DATING IS SUNDAY, JANUARY 3rd

The Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up With Grace

Before you push the send button or ignore his or her texts, read these tips on how to end the relationship without a digital twist.

1. Be sure it’s what you want to do. Once you start the ball rolling with “I’m not feeling it any more” conversations, it’s hard to take it back. I recommend making a list of what you like and don’t like about your current steady sweetheart and see which column is longer. Seeing your deal-breakers in black and white takes the emotions out of a premature breakup.

2. Talk it over with one friend. Find your closest confidant (just one) and discuss your feelings with him or her before you do the deed. Show your friend your list and ask them if they think you’re overreacting to his nail biting habit or her obsessiveness with texting during a date. Some things are deal-breakers. Others can be saved with a healthy conversation.

3. Ask permission to talk about your relationship. While you may be angsting that your relationship is on its way out, your significant other might things are going well. You know how to schedule a date. Now it’s time to schedule a conversation when both of you are present and prepared to talk. Blurting out that you’re not happy the day before his or her big presentation at work would be a huge mistake. Don’t let your emotions get ahead of you.

4. Ask your partner to make a list. Let your significant other know what’s on your list and start off by telling him or her what you like most about them and your relationship. Compliment them on the way they’re a great parent, or admire how loyal and devoted they are to their careers. Let them know the things that have upset you about the relationship and then STOP and LISTEN.

5. Don’t go “ghosting.” While it’s common and the easy way out to ghost or disappear by sending texts less frequently to eventually going MIA, it’s not the right way to end a relationship. If you were comfortable enough to sleep with him or her, you should find it in your heart to be comfortable enough to have the convo. Don’t pull a disappearing act.

6. If it’s over, it’s over. Lots of couples say they need a break, but let’s face it, a break is often just a breakup waiting to happen. Going from being someone’s steady squeeze to suddenly being one of three on their weekly date card won’t make both people happy. Insecurity will emerge and both of you will wonder what the other is doing when they’re not with you. While it’s true that giving your partner space is healthy in a relationship, instead of smothering him or her, if the space is permission to paint the town red and post it on social media in the arms of another, it’s going to go down badly.

7. Unplug from each others’ social media accounts. In my blog on The Huffington Post, “It’s Not Complicated: How to Handle a Breakup on Facebook,” I wrote about the new Facebook tools, which allows you to see less of your former flame, by preventing his or her status updates and posts to appear in your feed and helps you easily untag yourself from photos of the two of you together. I suggest you read it and make the decision mutually as to whether you will unfriend each other on social media. Staring at his Instagram feeds and monitoring her check-ins will make you sick, online and IRL.

If you’ve invested time in a relationship with someone, remember to treat them the way that you’d want to be treated. Have the conversation in person and not via text. I know it’s the easy way out, but some day you just might become friends with your ex, or even end up across the desk from them in a job interview or sales pitch. Always take the high road, even if you’re feeling low.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice and if you need some extra hand-holding, learn how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie’s a  frequent guest in the media on the topics of online dating and mobile dating apps and will help you find your dream date with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

Hello October!

Hello October -Cyber Dating ExpertHello October!

I’m so happy you’re here.

It seems like this summer sped by like lightning in a thunderstorm.

It’s time to welcome one of my favorite months of the year, October. According to a Gallup Poll reported by the Today Show, May and October rank as the top two months of the year.

I love October, as the weather is still warm in Los Angeles and the leaves are turning colors in other cities around the country. It’s time for adventure, weekend getaways and thinking about love. After all, who wouldn’t want to fall in love this fall?

October is a time where we start to think about the holidays, change our wardrobes, and start to fill our calendars with regular activities that took a break in the summer. It’s also one of the flirtiest months of the year as we celebrate Halloween. We have some fun costume ideas to bring out your inner flirt.

READ: HOW TO LOOK AND FEEL FLIRTY ON HALLOWEEN

Also in October, we start to think about Thanksgiving and what we’re grateful for all the good we have happening in our lives.

Here are Cyber-Dating Expert headquarters, we love to share our success stories and we have two couples we’ve worked with who are getting married in October in fairy-tale weddings and another couple who are moving in together. Does online dating work? You bet! It’s been fun going to bridal showers in September for these October brides!

So as we reflect on the summer romances we might have had and think about what is in store for us this fall, I encourage you to fill your date cards, think about the possibilities of attracting a great love in your life, and if you’re dating someone special, take a plunge and put all ten toes in. Have a profile deleting party just for the two of you and toast to your new relationship status.

If you’ve taken a break from online dating, it’s time to reactivate your profile. Try a new mobile dating app to speed up your search and let us help you with your quest.

On our end, October is always a big month for us. It’s our Anniversary month of the launch of CyberDatingExpert.com and we’ll be celebrating our 7th anniversary with some special offers and the announcement of the audio book version of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. After spending two full days in a Hollywood studio recording the audio book, we’re now in post-production. All I can say is, wait until you read the never-been-released Epilogue! It will also include an audio bonus with the newest dating advice to help you while looking for love online and on your mobile phones.

Regardless of your relationship status, embrace the month of October. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

As always, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert team.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Do you need some hand-holding? Learn more about how our Irresistible Profiles can help you find your dream date and how Swiping Right can speed up your search on mobile apps such as Tinder and Hinge.

Has the Tinder Hookup Culture Ruined Romance?

Mobile PhoneIn the September issue of Vanity Fair, Nancy Jo Sales wrote an in -depth piece called, Tinder and the Dawn of “Dating Apocalypse.” It’s an eye-opener and validation of a woman’s worst fear. The guys are swiping right to hook up and it’s all just a game.

In the story, it’s reported that 100 million people are using mobile apps, with about 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day. The numbers are mind-boggling and enormous.

The VF story is really about sex and hookups. Mobile apps just happen to ramp up the numbers in a digital second, and singles in their 20s are buying into the hooking up program, I believe which ruins their chance at romance.

READ: Swipe Regret on Tinder?

We’re living in a virtual world of swiping left and swiping right, with many instantly determining if you’re hot or not. But even if you’re not considered hot, many just keep swiping right, as it’s just a numbers game when it comes to mobile dating. Tinder and other apps provide the tools to hook up and have sex with multiple partners a day, or not.

Many women claim they want romance and a long-term relationship, but they seem to feel that sending photos of their private parts and receiving dick photos is a part of the digital courtship process and join the program.

The problem is, some women are hooking up with hopes to change the mindset of the guy they’ve just slept with. Maybe they’ll think of them as marriage or relationship material, or maybe they’ll be swiping right while you’re putting your clothes back on.

As one who has embraced online dating for over 20 years as an early adopter of Internet dating, and one who coaches and helps singles find serious relationships in the digital age, I have mixed feelings about Tinder. I’m thrilled that it’s given credibility to online and mobile dating and gives you a chance to cast a wider net to find a date or a mate.

If you say you’re using Tinder to your friends, one may ask you why you’re on a hookup app if you’re looking for love. But who isn’t using Tinder? Celebrities such as Hillary Duff, Katy Perry, and Ed Sheeran on Tinder, with Sheeran receiving the first celebrity verified profile on the mobile app. They join the Tinder bandwagon because they’re single and it’s easy to use and is fun. After all, after each swipe, you’re prompted with a message to “Keep playing?”

So we continue to swipe with the hopes of finding a match worthy of introducing to your friends and family, but weeding out those who want to hookup and those who want love is confusing.

We hope there’s truth-in-advertising, but men and women can just say in their profiles that they’re looking for a serious relationship, not serial dating. However those same people could be already in a “committed” relationship, while looking for Plan B when the romance starts to fade and the monotony kicks in. Research from Global WebIndex states that 62% of Tinder users are actually in a relationship. So don’t be surprised if a friend sees your steady-sweetie’s active profile on Tinder.

Read: Why Mobile Dating Apps and Tinder are So Hot

So is romance dead or alive on your mobile phone? According to the Vanity Fair piece, it’s looking grim for 20s in New York who find swiping right to be an efficient and inexpensive way to shag a few girls a day or a week, but I disagree.

I encourage the women who are really looking for a relationship to ignore the “dick pics” and take your time to weed out the creepers who want to choke you within 20 minutes. Think about the approach you took while dating with traditional online dating sites or meeting through friends and combine it with the efficiency of mobile dating apps. Keep your clothes on in your profile photos, state your intentions and swipe left until you find someone worthy of having a chat with. While it’s efficient to find someone IRL in seconds, it doesn’t mean you have to meet someone immediately or rush into casual sex if it’s not your goal.

It takes time to get to know someone, whether you meet in a bar, through friends, or on Tinder. Ask a lot of questions before getting involved. But then again, if you’re in it for a night of fun, it’s a piece of digital cake to accomplish that.

To the Tinderellas out there, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. Xo

Read more to learn how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, and as a Digital Matchmaker she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: Fotolia

4th of July Fireworks Special – Irresistible Dating Profiles

Fourth of July is around the corner, so if you’re feeling like your relationship status should be called a “dud” or if it’s really complicated, don’t accept your ho-hum love life. It’s time to ignite some fireworks and kick-off the summer holiday!

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