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DATING STUDY: This One Thing Determines Romantic Chemistry

Plenty of Fish Survey Conversations

If I could have the magic wand to guarantee you’d have chemistry on a first date, I’d bottle it up and sell shares on the public market.

It’s quite likely most of you will assume that physical attraction is what results in that chemical attraction, right? Of course both men and women are physical and have a “type,” but did you know that the quality of your conversation ranks higher than physical looks when it comes to that magical feeling called chemistry?

A new Conversation Nation 2018 study released by online dating site Plenty of Fish found that singles still believe the quality of the conversation on the first date is critical to establishing meaningful connections.

Bad Grammar is worse than having bad sex

As a matter of fact, the study reveals that bad grammar is a bigger turn off than bad sex, as stated by 58% of singles. (Hint: Use spell-check, grammar, check, and watch out for auto-correct).

Since I believe singles need to give “good phone” as part of the digital courting process, I asked Celeste Headlee, conversation expert for POF to talk about the survey results and what singles should and shouldn’t talk about during a 20-minute phone date.

“Your first phone call might be focused on what kinds of things the other person likes to do,” said Headlee. For example, you can figure out what kind of date would make them happy.”

RELATED: 10 FIRST DATE IDEAS

Phone conversations are important. They will determine if you get to the first date or not. They aren’t meant to feel like a job interview or deposition, but often the conversations go off the track.

Study: Questions to Avoid in First Conversations

Headlee provided a few questions that will doom your first convo including:

“What are you doing?”

“What do you like?”

“What are you looking for?”

I’d like to add to avoid questions about your dating history or why your last relationship ended. You’d be surprised how talking about an ex ends up as a default question in the first conversation, and it’s an instant buzz-kill.

Ask These Specific Questions

Not sure what to ask? Headlee provided a few easy starters including:

“What’s your position on pizza crust? Thin or deep dish?”

By keeping your conversation light, it can also lead to information helpful for moving onto a first date.

I know from over two decades of coaching singles, that some love going on casual coffee dates, where they can gracefully exit after 20 minutes, while others prefer a casual lunch to get to know someone better.

RELATED: Should I Give My Online Date My Phone Number

“Your first conversation and first date are both focused on one thing according to Headlee. Would I enjoy a second date with this person?” She adds, “You’re both testing the compatibility at that point, so it’s important to be genuinely curious about the other person.

The study suggests avoiding a movie or concert date in favor of a date that will nurture the conversation, such as dinner, coffee, or drinks.

The best news of the study is that 60% of those surveyed believe you can fall in love during the first conversation, so it’s time to stop swiping and start chatting.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for 24 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

10 Ways to Flirt BIG TIME on St. Patrick’s Day Weekend

Cyber Dating ExpertIt’s St. Patrick’s Day weekend, and since the holiday falls on a Saturday, the fun and activities will start on Friday.

How should you get in the spirit of this flirty holiday?

Should you be wearing green as an ice breaker?

Years ago, I would wear a button that said “Kiss Me, I’m Irish,” even though there wasn’t a speck of Irish blood in me.

To help ramp up your digital flirting skills, here’s the online dating expert’s guide to dating and flirting on St. Patrick’s Day.

1. Send a flirty text. Texting the the person you have a crush on to say “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” will brighten their day. Add a four-leaf clover emoji. Even if they aren’t Irish, chances are they’ll reply to you.

2. Wear green. Find the tackiest flashing buttons, goofiest, hats, and make sure to wear something green to celebrate. It’s the easiest way to strike up a conversation with someone on St. Patrick’s Day.

3. Change your dating profile. It’s time to mix it up online. Post a photo wearing something green, ask if someone wants to get lucky in love, post quotes about the luck of the Irish and St. Patrick’s Day on your profiles and on social media. Get bolder and post “Kiss me if you’re Irish.”

Start swiping right in the morning on Tinder, Bumble, or other mobile dating apps to find a date by the afternoon.

4. Send a GIF. Open your mobile dating app and send a fun animated GIF to your digital crush. These days, apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and even Facebook and Twitter are using Giphy.

5. Send an animated e-card. We’re big fans of JibJab!, where you send a customized a video or e-card starring you. It will come complete with background music and is guaranteed to give a smile or two.

6. Smile everywhere you go. A smile is contagious and everyone wants to be around someone who appears to be happy. Practice the 5-second stare while smiling at someone you would like to meet. It’s the cue for them to come over and wish you a “Happy St. Patrick’s Day.” Who knows where the conversation will lead?

7. Compliment everyone. You might normally run away from the guy with the tacky green tee shirt, but stop and say hello. Take it one step further and pose in a ‘selfie’ together. He won’t be able to help himself and will put his arm around you for the photo. If the sparks start to fly, it’s your invitation to continue the conversation. Be even bolder and post it, with permission of course, on Facebook or Instagram.

8. Find a parade. Go to a St. Patrick’s Day parade in your city. Everyone loves a parade and it will give you an excuse to start a conversation with those you end up bundled up with.

 

9. Go to the dog park. There’s a reason it’s called puppy love. Our friend Dr. Helen Fisher, Chief Science Officer of Match tells the New York Times that having a dog shows you’re caring and can make a good parent.

Match also reports that 50% of singles wouldn’t date someone who didn’t like pets. Put a green bandana on your dog’s collar and take a walk to the local dog park. Your dog will do the flirting for you and it will be a great conversation starter.

10. Make a Shamrock Shake. We have a healthy recipe for a Shamrock Shake that you’ll absolutely love and it can be a fun date idea. If you aren’t into buying the ingredients, and are flying solo, head to Starbucks for a coffee date and order a green tea Frappuccino, or go to a sushi bar and order green tea and green tea ice cream.

 

Wishing you much love, luck, and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top online dating expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and has been coaching singles on finding love online with her Irresistible Profiles for over 20 years.

Julie’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

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Do Singles Click “Add Friend” on Facebook Before a Date?

I regret to inform you I will not be liking your status.

To friend, or not to friend on Facebook and social media? That question has been brewing for over a decade for singles who are excited about dating someone new.

The 2018 Singles in America Study conducted by Match has revealed some social media etiquette rules on how over 5000 singles prefer to connect when it comes to dating in the digital age.

With so much information available on the Internet, it’s a piece of digital pie to become a cyber-sleuth. From stalking (we mean searching) on public profiles on Instagram or Twitter, to conducting a google image search, there’s so much we can find out in advance.

In their survey, they found nearly 2/3 of singles use social media daily, with both men and women using social media to research their date.

RELATED: To Friend, or Not to Friend on Facebook

Social Media Before the First Date

Match tackled the question in their study with a pop quiz, asking “When do you hit the ‘Add Friend’ button?

While the majority (41%) prefer taking it slow, both online and offline, and say they’d wait until after a few dates, still 19% of singles actually take the leap and ask to become friends before a first date.

Let’s keep in mind there’s so much digital foreplay going on with texting, calling, and chatting online, that by the time many get to a first date, they feel like they’ve been dating for a while.

Prior to the first date, 20% of singles said they would ‘like’ a photo and 23% would strike up a private chat in Facebook messenger or on Instagram.

RELATED: Rules of Netiquette – Dating in a Facebook World

Post-Date Social Media Rules

Similar to those who are quick to click to become friends, 18% say they will only send a friend request once the relationship became serious.

After all, if you’re dating multiple people and playing the field, you really won’t want your date to see your whereabouts when you’re not together.

The survey showed that singles are most comfortable becoming friends on Facebook (75%) after a few good dates, as well as 36% approve of following on Instagram, lagging with 34% adding on SnapChat, and 40% would tag someone in a post.

To Tag, or Not to Tag?

When in doubt about posting and tagging, always ask for permission. Remember some people use social media for business purposes, and others don’t want a relationship that could become complicated appearing in the news feeds of their friends.

Once it gets serious, 66% actually changed their profile photo to a couples picture and say it’s find to become Facebook official. However only 13% of singles surveyed do change their status to “In a Relationship.”

At what point in the dating process would you become friends on social media?

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

 

14 Ways to Date and Flirt on Instagram

Instagram heart

Are you flirting up a storm on Instagram?

Do you think finding love online means only swiping right on Tinder, Bumble or mobile apps?

Is your online dating profile a bit stale and your inbox on the empty side?

As a dating coach, I”m here to teach you how to flirt and find a date on social media, especially on Instagram.

1. Make sure your Instagram profile is public so people can follow you.

You’d be surprised how gun-shy some singles are about Instagram. They may post the most adorable selfies, but have their settings set to private, so unless you’re already connected as friends, you won’t be able to view or like their posts. If you’re single, toss out that fear of being in the public eye. It’s time to make your profile private and become strategic about what you post and who you decide to follow.

2. State in your bio that you’re single.

Being single isn’t a disease. It’s just the relationship status you have at the moment. Often there’s a digital crush who might think you’re taken, even if he or she sees a photo in the arms of your favorite cousin. By stating you’re single, you’ve just opened the love floodgates to millions of potential dates. Get ready for the ride!

RELATED: DATING IN AN INSTAGRAM WORLD

3. Follow back interesting people you think you’d like to date or at least be friends with.

If your follower count is starting to rise, don’t just look at the number. Instead look at who your latest follower is and if they seem interesting at all, follow them back. If they start posting creepy updates, you can always unfollow, or even block them if necessary.

4. Start “liking” their posts, slowly, so you won’t appear like a stalker.

Some singles like to use social media sites in a voyeuristic way. You peek, but you don’t click the like button. You never comment. You don’t even post, but you’re busy watching your followers’ feeds. It’s time to ramp up the flirting and take the digital plunge. Start slowly by liking someone’s posts, but don’t instantly like EVERYTHING this new crush posts or you may come across as needy, creepy, or even as a stalker!

5. Like your crush’s selfies.

Instagram is the perfect home for dating in a selfie world. The reason people post selfies is, well, because they want others to “like” or comment on how great they look or how cool they are. If your crush is looking for attention, don’t be shy. It’s time to click the like button, so you can show up in their feed and get on their digital radar.

6. Post to Instagram Stories

It’s no secret that the ‘Stories’ features which appear at the top of your Instagram feed get the most action. Caption your photos, add a video for more engagement and you’ll rank higher on the dating totem pole than solely posting updates.

7. Start commenting on their posts and add the heart emoticon.

Social networking works best when you remember to stay sociable. Slowly start commenting on his or her posts, but not all of them. If you see they are starting to comment on your posts, add in a heart emoticon to show you might want to be more than just friends.

8. Start using hashtags of #single #singlelife #love #relationships #dating so others can follow you.

Nothing’s a bigger turnoff than going on a digital campaign for someone who isn’t available. When you’re single, let your followers subtly know by using hashtags that define your relationship status. It’s bold, but not as needy as saying, “hey, I’m dateless this weekend and am bummed out about it.”

9. Post romantic quotes about love.

Feeling the love? Show it in your quotes. We post quotes with lyrics from love songs on Instagram, romantic quotes, and create some of our own to show we’re interested in love, big time. So should you.

10. Start searching for others with similar hashtags and start following them.

Being single is better when you’re in similar company. Do a search on Instagram for hashtags of other singles to see who’s feeling like they might want to couple up this ‘Cuffing Season.’

RELATED: YOUR GUIDE TO CUFFING SEASON – GET READY TO COUPLE UP

11. Reply to comments on your posts from someone you could have a crush on.

So you’re in a groove on Instagram and your crush is commenting on your updates and selfies. Now’s not the time to back peddle and get shy. Click the heart button to his or her comments and reply back with an emoticon or xo.

12. Become a Tindstagrammer and Start Direct Messaging.

Once you’ve developed an online rapport, it’s time to start those private chats. In an article on Mashable, writer Rachel Thompson claims that Instagram is the new Tinder – whether you want it to be or not. In addition, if the object of your digital affection ignored you or swiped left on Bumble or Tinder, now they have a public chance to write to you on Instagram. It can be viewed as tenacious or creepy, so if you don’t get a response, hold back from bombarding someone in Insta in multiple DMs.

13. Post Videos

Whether you’re at a concert or the farmer’s market, views to videos just get viewed more often on Facebook and Instagram. Better yet, share it to your Stories and let your crush hear your voice.

14. Swap Digits So You Can Meet IRL.

At the end of this love campaign, if you and your crush are in a groove on Instagram, it’s time to take the plunge and send a DM with your phone number to text each other and make plans to meet in person. After all, you won’t really know if you have offline chemistry until you meet IRL.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the Digital Matchmaker who’s been coaching singles online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter

SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox

How to Flirt BIG TIME on St. Patrick’s Day

Cyber Dating ExpertSt. Patrick’s Day is here, and it’s time to get into the spirit of this flirty holiday.

Years ago, I would wear a button that said “Kiss Me, I’m Irish,” even though there was not a speck of Irish blood in me.

To help you flirt, big time and to ramp up your digital flirting skills, here’s the online dating expert’s guide to flirting on St. Patrick’s Day.

 

1. Send a flirty text. Texting the the person you have a crush on to say “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” will brighten their day. Add a four-leaf clover emoji. Even if they aren’t Irish, chances are they’ll reply to you.

2. Wear green. Find the tackiest flashing buttons, goofiest, hats, and make sure to wear something green to celebrate. It’s the easiest way to strike up a conversation with someone on St. Patrick’s Day.

3. Change your dating profile. It’s time to mix it up online. Post a photo wearing something green, ask if someone wants to get lucky in love, post quotes about the luck of the Irish and St. Patrick’s Day on your profiles and on social media. Get bolder and post “Kiss me if you’re Irish.” Start swiping right in the morning on Tinder, Bumble, or other mobile dating apps to find a date by the afternoon.

4. Send a GIF. Open your mobile dating app and send a GIF to your digital crush. These days, apps such as Tinder, Bumble, or even Twitter are using Giphy. Send a fun animated GIF to someone you’ve been chatting with to spice up the convo.

5. Send an animated e-card. We’re big fans of JibJab!, where you send a customized a video or e-card starring you. It will come complete with background music and is guaranteed to give a smile or two.

6. Smile everywhere you go. A smile is contagious and everyone wants to be around someone who appears to be happy. Practice the 5-second stare while smiling at someone you would like to meet. It’s the cue for them to come over and wish you a “Happy St. Patrick’s Day.” Who knows where the conversation will lead?

7. Compliment everyone. You might normally run away from the guy with the tacky green tee shirt, but stop and say hello. Take it one step further and pose in a ‘selfie’ together. He won’t be able to help himself and will put his arm around you for the photo. If the sparks start to fly, it’s your invitation to continue the conversation. Be even bolder and post it, with permission of course, on Facebook or Instagram.

8. Find a parade. Go to a St. Patrick’s Day parade in your city. Everyone loves a parade and it will give you an excuse to start a conversation with those you end up bundled up with.

 

9. Go to the dog park. There’s a reason it’s called puppy love. Put a green bandana on your dog’s collar and take a walk to the local dog park. Your dog will do the flirting for you and it will be a great conversation starter.

10. Make a Shamrock Shake. We have a healthy recipe for a Shamrock Shake that you’ll absolutely love and it can be a fun date idea. If you aren’t into buying the ingredients, and are flying solo, head to Starbucks for a coffee date and order a green tea Frappuccino, or go to a sushi bar and order green tea and green tea ice cream.

 

Wishing you much love, luck, and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top online dating expert and mobile dating expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and has been coaching singles on finding love online with her Irresistible Profiles for over 20 years.

Julie’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

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Why Does He Text Another Woman

In this week’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a female reader is uncomfortable with the text messages her boyfriend is sending and receiving from another woman. What would you do? Read our answer here.

Dear Julie,

My boyfriend of over a year texts a woman who lives in a different state constantly. She has feelings for him. I told him that it makes me feel uncomfortable. But he tells me that I’m insecure and that they work together.

Please help!

Rhonda

Dear Rhonda,

Thanks for your message and I’m so sorry to hear about this painful experience you’re going through with your boyfriend.

That would make any girl uncomfortable. If you’ve been together for over a year, I’m assuming you’re in a committed relationship.

Texting or chatting with a woman on social media when it makes you uncomfortable is a form of emotional cheating. He’s giving you reasons to feel insecure, even though she lives in another state. He may be getting a dopamine boost, or at least an ego boost every time he hears the chirp text message from her. 

If he said, “gee I’m sorry. I’ll stop doing that because I don’t want to hurt you,” I’d be happy to hear that.

RELATED: Gone Fishing, or Is it Over? 

Instead he wants to keep flirting with his digital girlfriend, who perhaps doesn’t even know you exist. I get it that it’s a great ego boost for him and it seems new and shiny to him, unattainable, and a bit of a fantasy relationship since she doesn’t live in town.

Here’s what I think you should do. Explain to him that you believe this texting is a form of emotional cheating and ask him why he feels the need to text her. Start sending him flirty texts so that need is fulfilled by you and perhaps he won’t feel the desire to text her. Then ask him to put the brakes on it and stop texting her out of respect for you. Ask him if he will let her know he’s involved with you and that he wants to focus his energies on your relationship.

Know that every man likes to look at women who are attractive and that’s normal. Creating this emotional bond over texts is crossing the line. He can’t have his girlfriend (you) and this girl on the side on his keyboard and lead her on. She probably doesn’t even know about you! Even if he isn’t interested in her romantically, if she made it clear she has feelings for him, this has potential to grow and could be harmful to your relationship.

RELATED: 20 Flirty Text Messages to Capture His Heart

Instead of demanding to see his phone to see the texts, just ask him if he will stop. If he won’t, ask him why this is important to him and find out what’s missing from your relationship so you can spice it up. Texts can lead to sexts and it’s damaging to a relationship. It can also become addictive.

Have a heart to heart talk with your guy before you call it quits, but if he won’t put your relationship at the top and stop these text exchanges with a woman who claims to have feelings for him, it may be time to call it quits.

We’re here to help you, so if you need dating coaching advice, check out our Irresistible Coaching programs.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie

FOLLOW Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox. 

OkCupid’s Flirting Year in Review

OkCupid Flirting 2016

As the year nears it’s tumbling end, it’s natural to think about your love lives in 2016, how they’ve changed, whether you’ve met someone new or were on a merry-go-round of serial dates.

From emjoi’s to politics, sports to our friends at OkCupid reported in their blog, what singles were flirting and chatting more about this year.

OkCupid reports that term with the greatest spike this year was “Pokémon Go,” which is refreshing that it topped politics in our election year.

So if you’re not into “Netflix and Chill,” make sure you’re watching “HBO Go,” as it’s listed as a highlight for many single daters.

Read full report here:

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

Sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

10 Ways to Flirt on St. Patrick’s Day

Cyber Dating ExpertYears ago, I would wear a button that said “Kiss Me, I’m Irish,” even though there was not a speck of Irish blood in me.

These days, to get into the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, it’s time to ramp up your digital flirting skills, dress in green, and swipe right to fill your date card, or at least to enjoy the time together with the object of your affection or potential date.

1. Send a flirty text.  Texting the the person you have a crush on to say “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” will brighten their day. Add a four-leaf clover emoji. Even if they aren’t Irish, chances are they’ll reply to you.

2. Wear green.  Find the tackiest flashing buttons, goofiest, hats, and make sure to wear something green to celebrate. It’s the easiest way to strike up a conversation with someone on St. Patrick’s Day.

3. Change your dating profile.  It’s time to mix it up online. Post a photo wearing something green, ask if someone wants to get lucky in love, post quotes about the luck of the Irish and St. Patrick’s Day on your profiles and on social media. Get bolder and post “Kiss me if you’re Irish.” Start swiping right in the morning on Tinder, Bumble, or other mobile dating apps to find a date by the afternoon.

4. Send a GIF. Open your mobile dating app and send a GIF to your digital crush. These days, apps such as Tinder, Bumble, or even Twitter are using Giphy. Send a fun animated GIF to someone you’ve been chatting with to spice up the convo.

5. Send an animated e-card.  We’re big fans of JibJab!, where you send a customized a video or e-card starring you. It will come complete with background music and is guaranteed to give a smile or two.

6. Smile everywhere you go.  A smile is contagious and everyone wants to be around someone who appears to be happy. Practice the 5-second stare while smiling at someone you would like to meet. It’s the cue for them to come over and wish you a “Happy St. Patrick’s Day.” Who knows where the conversation will lead?

7. Compliment everyone.  You might normally run away from the guy with the tacky green tee shirt, but stop and say hello. Take it one step further and pose in a ‘selfie’ together.  He won’t be able to help himself and will put his arm around you for the photo. If the sparks start to fly, it’s your invitation to continue the conversation. Be even bolder and post it, with permission of course, on Facebook or Instagram.

8. Find a parade.  Go to a St. Patrick’s Day parade in your city. Everyone loves a parade and it will give you an excuse to start a conversation with those you end up bundled up with.

 

8. Go to the dog park.  There’s a reason it’s called puppy love. Put a green bandana on your dog’s collar and take a walk to the local dog park. Your dog will do the flirting for you and it will be a great conversation starter.

10. Make a Shamrock Shake. We have a healthy recipe for a Shamrock Shake that you’ll absolutely love and it can be a fun date idea. If you aren’t into buying the ingredients, and are flying solo, head to Starbucks for a coffee date and order a green tea Frappuccino, or go to a sushi bar and order green tea and green tea ice cream.

 

Wishing you much love, luck, and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. 

Julie Spira is America’s Top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com.

She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

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Flirting Tips for Halloween

Fall Heart

Halloween is one of the most fun holidays for singles and couples of all ages. Dressing up for Halloween is an absolute must for singles looking to connect.

So how does a single person enjoy this fun and flirty holiday? I believe that Halloween gives you permission to jump out of your comfort zone and become more approachable. Besides the youthful Trick-or-Treaters ringing your doorbell, singles’ holiday parties are in abundance. I suggest you RSVP to as many as possible, grab a few friends and go out with a smile on your face, along with a devilish grin.

Be dare and be bold and post a picture of you and post it on your Tinder or online dating profile in costume and change your profile bio to “Trick or Treat!” Post away on Instagram, SnapChat and Facebook as well.

An article in Glamour says to wear RED if you’re looking for LOVE and wear YELLOW if you’re looking for FUN and to be the life of the party; and it’s backed up by research!

Related: Top Halloween Costumes for Singles

In preparation for Halloween, it’s also a good time to brush up on your flirting skills. Dr. Pat Allen, author of “Getting to I Do” and one of my mentors, teaches the 5-second flirt technique and encourages singles to flirt with 5 men every day and gaze into their eyes for five very long seconds. Although it’s a challenge and may seem like an eternity, on Halloween it should be a piece of cake, or at least a handful of candy corn.

Don’t forget to bring your camera or SmartPhone and set your camera settings to movie. Go up to that cute guy and compliment him on his costume and ask if you can take his photo. Better yet, jump into the shot and have your friend take a picture of you and that hot guy. Then ask him if you can friend him on Facebook or post the photos to Instagram.

Related: 10 Songs to Rock Your Halloween

Remember to memorialize your Halloween festivities videos on Vine, Instagram, SnapChat, or YouTube and upload your photos to Facebook. Go ahead and tag him if he agrees. He’ll be flattered that you took the time to do so.

Julie Spira is an online dating and relationship expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com where you can sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and share your dating stories. Follow her on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Dating Advice – How Do You Know if He Likes You?

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowDear Julie,

I have a question about whether this guy I’m interested in actually likes me.

First, let me set the scene for you.

I met a guy who I instantly felt a connection for. Initially there were some flirty texts going back and forth and I found myself getting drawn in very quickly. I was actually concerned that I was getting too attached.

I also noticed that he would be quite flirty with others and this made me anxious. I know flirting is a common thing, but does this make him a player? He also sent me email messages telling me that he loves me, but I think I may have misunderstood his intention.

So, I called him on the flirting thing and he responded with, “I get it.” I’m not sure what that means. I’m also not sure how to proceed with this man.

Do you have any thoughts?

~Frustrated texter.

Dear Frustrated texter,

Texting plays a huge part in the digital dating game.

Many guys flirt with text messages for en ego boost or just to have fun. Since you don’t fit into the girlfriend status of this flirtatious guy, it’s most likely that you’re one of many girls that he likes. If you were dating exclusively and he was calling you his girlfriend, than sending flirty texts to other women would be a form of emotional cheating in my opinion.

But let’s get back to your question of does he like you? It would appear that he likes you and he likes others. Since I don’t know if he’s taken you out on an official date, it’s hard to figure out if you’re in digital dating rotation or you’re still in the friend zone. In the pre-texting days, guys would often see a pretty girl and smile at her and say hello. Remember guys are visual and this is actually a normal form of behavior for a man.

Unless your guy is sleeping with you and others that he’s texting, I doubt he’s a player, but one who likes to have his ego stroked.

Before you put all of your eggs into one digital basket with this guy, just stay friends with him. When a guy says he loves someone, often it means he loves hanging out with someone or even would love to sleep with them. If he says I’m in love with you and you’ve been dating exclusively than that’s another story, and one to take seriously.  From what you’ve written, it doesn’t even sound like you’re dating. So before you say “I love you” back and shed your clothing, just look at him as a flirty friend, date others, and see if he’s interested in dating you. If you get to the point of becoming a couple, just let him know that flirting with others via text when you’re exclusive is something you’re uncomfortable with. If he continues to do so, then maybe it’s time to find another guy to have a crush on who will make you his one-and-only.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira. Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

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