I have a question about whether this guy I’m interested in actually likes me.
First, let me set the scene for you.
I met a guy who I instantly felt a connection for. Initially there were some flirty texts going back and forth and I found myself getting drawn in very quickly. I was actually concerned that I was getting too attached.
I also noticed that he would be quite flirty with others and this made me anxious. I know flirting is a common thing, but does this make him a player? He also sent me email messages telling me that he loves me, but I think I may have misunderstood his intention.
So, I called him on the flirting thing and he responded with, “I get it.” I’m not sure what that means. I’m also not sure how to proceed with this man.
Do you have any thoughts?
Dear Frustrated texter,
Texting plays a huge part in the digital dating game.
Many guys flirt with text messages for en ego boost or just to have fun. Since you don’t fit into the girlfriend status of this flirtatious guy, it’s most likely that you’re one of many girls that he likes. If you were dating exclusively and he was calling you his girlfriend, than sending flirty texts to other women would be a form of emotional cheating in my opinion.
But let’s get back to your question of does he like you? It would appear that he likes you and he likes others. Since I don’t know if he’s taken you out on an official date, it’s hard to figure out if you’re in digital dating rotation or you’re still in the friend zone. In the pre-texting days, guys would often see a pretty girl and smile at her and say hello. Remember guys are visual and this is actually a normal form of behavior for a man.
Unless your guy is sleeping with you and others that he’s texting, I doubt he’s a player, but one who likes to have his ego stroked.
Before you put all of your eggs into one digital basket with this guy, just stay friends with him. When a guy says he loves someone, often it means he loves hanging out with someone or even would love to sleep with them. If he says I’m in love with you and you’ve been dating exclusively than that’s another story, and one to take seriously. From what you’ve written, it doesn’t even sound like you’re dating. So before you say “I love you” back and shed your clothing, just look at him as a flirty friend, date others, and see if he’s interested in dating you. If you get to the point of becoming a couple, just let him know that flirting with others via text when you’re exclusive is something you’re uncomfortable with. If he continues to do so, then maybe it’s time to find another guy to have a crush on who will make you his one-and-only.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
It can happen at any age, but when my friends at HerCampus reached out to me to talk about the flirtation phenomena that was happening on the college campuses everywhere, I wasn’t surprised. Dating and relating in a web 2.0 world is quite simply complicated these days.
We flirt in text messages, on twitter, in emails, and in-real-life.
If you regularly find yourself flirting with a guy friend but for one reason or another, you don’t become an official couple, guess what? Your relationship status can be defined as “In a Flirationship.”
So what is a flirtationship and how do you know if your relationship status is in that in-between phase that won’t move to the next level? A flirtationship is that fun and flirty in-between place of being just friends and without claiming that you?re in a relationship. More often than not, it doesn’t become a romantic relationship. It?s a friendship filled with flirting and sometimes benefits.
When your friends ask you if you and that guy who keeps escorting you to parties are dating, it’s time to take a romantic pause and ask yourself, “How do I feel about my guy pal? Can we become more than just-friends?” If you go to sleep at night with thoughts of him on your mind, it’s time to realize that you’re more than just friends.
For a list of rules on how to behave in a Flirtation relationship, read the full article on Her Campus.
Are you in a Flirtationship? We’d love to hear your story.
This scene may sound familiar. You meet a guy and have an instant connection. You start flirting back and forth and the next thing you know, you?re wondering, Are we in a relationship? Are the feelings mutual?
When Deb wrote to me with this familiar scenario after sending multiple flirty text messages to each the new man she had a crush on, she was concerned that things were moving too quickly. Was she becoming too attached?
Deb now wonders if her new guy is a player as he was also flirting with other women. She became anxious about the situation. Now her dream guy is sending her emails and text messages saying that he loves her. Even more confused, she called him out on his flirtatious behavior, of which he replied, ?I get it.? Should she move forward with this guy? What should she do?
Well Deb, some people are born flirts. Instant chemistry is rare and when we find it, we automatically fast-forward our feelings and start thinking about our relationship, our future, marriage, children, the works. But slow down Deb. Why is this guy who?s texting you with love notes flirting with others in the same sentence as he uses the ?L? word so freely. Just how many other women does he say that to? Is he waiting to hear it back to feed his ego or is he sincere?
A man who is committed to being in a relationship with you isn?t going to screw it up by making you jealous and putting himself in the position of being discarded, with his phone number permanently deleted on your iPhone and in your heart.
What should you do? Play the field. Yes. There?s no ring on your finger, and hopefully you haven?t been intimate yet. Don?t confuse love with lust. While your emotions and hormones are running at high speed, you don?t know his intentions other than he?s that instant chemistry guy, which can be dangerous. I know this first hand, as I wrote about it in my book The Perils of Cyber-Dating, when I too, had that instant chemistry with a guy I met. It turned out that he was a major player, and just like the Fleetwood Mac song, Dreams, I’ll hum the line, ?Players on love you when they?re playing.? It?s a game that can leave you feeling empty and alone.
My advice is simply, to take it slow. Date other men. Don?t sleep with this chemistry guy. Have fun flirting here and there, but don?t assume you?re in a relationship. Some relationships that start off hot-and-heavy, end just as quickly.
Hopefully your guy is different. Perhaps he?s just nervous. Texting can?t replace quality time in person. Take a look at my latest YourTango Experts video, where I address the texting issue in a relationship. Time will tell if your guy is for real and time is a precious gift.
Keep me posted.
Wishing you much love and happiness.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Follow her @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert. ?
There’s no doubt about it. Halloween is one of the most fun holidays for singles and couples of all ages. Dressing up for Halloween is an absolute must. Halloween costume stores start popping up in August and visits to the pumpkin patch are in abundance.
So how does a single person enjoy this fun and flirty holiday? I believe that Halloween gives you permission to jump out of your comfort zone and become more approachable. Besides the youthful trick-or-treaters ringing your doorbell,? singles holiday parties are in abundance. I suggest you RSVP to as many as possible, grab a few friends and go out with a smile on your face along with a devilish grin.
In preparation for Halloween, it’s also a good time to brush up on your flirting skills. Dr. Pat Allen, author of “Getting to I Do” and one of my mentors,? teaches the 5-second flirt technique and encourages singles to flirt with 5 men every day and gaze into their eyes for five very long seconds. ?Although it’s a challenge and may seem like an eternity, on Halloween it should be a piece of cake, or at least a handful of candy corn.
Let’s start with selecting your sexy Halloween costume. Although you wouldn’t dress like this on a first date, you now have permission to show some skin without the expectation of jumping into the bedroom. Some of my favorites are from Leg Avenue. Check out the selection at Pure Delish, will give you free shipping on orders of $75 or more.
1. The Cheerleader. What guy didn’t fantasize about being with a cheerleader in high school? Now’s his chance with this sexier version guaranteed to put a smile on his face. Cost $38.
2. The French Maid. This class Halloween costume never goes out of style. Now’s your chance to flirt with him with your duster in tow. Who knows just where he might be ticklish? Cost $65.
3. Queen of Hearts. Poker night will never be the same after he sees you in this Queen of Hearts outfit. Approach him and make a bet. See if he ups the ante. ?Price $75.
Now that you have your costume selections ready to go, look at your local calendar section for Halloween parties. From charity events to speed dating to Haunted House parties, there are events going on all week long. Take advantage of the fact that Halloween is on a Sunday. That means from Thursday-Sunday you can get the most of out of your Halloween costume and practice the art of flirting on men who are dressed like Tarzan and George Clooney.
Don’t forget to bring your camera or Flip video and set your camera settings to movie. Go up to that cute guy and compliment him on his costume and ask if you can take his photo. Better yet, jump into the shot and have your friend take a picture of you and that hot guy. Then ask him if you can friend him on Facebook or email him the photos.
At the end of the week, you can memorialize your Halloween festivities in a video on YouTube or upload the photos to Facebook. Go ahead and tag him, he’ll be flattered that you took the time to do so.
Julie Spira is a worldwide authority in online dating and a dating advice columnist. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com where you can share your Internet dating stories. Follow her on Twitter @JulieSpira.
Don’t forget to listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show on Saturday, October 9, 2010 as I??feature Rachel DeAlto, founder of FlipMe Dating to the program.
Flip Me is a deck of modern day calling cards that you can use when you might feel a bit on the shy side about approaching someone you are attracted to. ?You’ll hear the romantic story about how John and Rachel met at a restaurant in New Jersey and how this combination of dating and technology can help your love life.
Call in at 646-929-0012 at 2pm ET, 11am/PT to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
Listen to Cyberdating Expert
As members of both of these sites, you can spot a hottie, drop him a flirty calling card, and he can respond or not. It’s instant, you can be in the moment, and connections have resulted from these new simple techniques. According to the Times, Cheek’d members pay $25 for a monthly subscription which includes 50 calling cards. Recipients do not pay a fee.
Think about the lost opportunities you have missed out on. Perhaps you met an interesting guy on the airplane, and never followed up with your infatuation. He’s now gone. If you had a few flirty calling cards in your purse, you just might be going steady now. It’s a terrific ice-breaker and a great way to augment your existing online dating account.
So now, I’ll take a poll and welcome your comments. For $25, would you like to go out in the world armed and prepared if you spot a guy or gal who captures your eye? How would you feel if you’ve been Cheek’d by a woman or a man in a restaurant? Would you follow up online to learn more about this mystery man or woman?
I look forward to hearing more about the use of the modern day calling card as we continue to date in a Web 2.0 World.