friends with benefits Archives - Cyber Dating Expert : Cyber Dating Expert
In the News

He Won’t Call me His Girlfriend – Should We Break Up?

Ask the Cyber-Dating ExpertDear Julie,

I just read your article on online. It’s called 12 Reasons why he won’t call you his girlfriend.

I have been dating a guy for almost 8 months and he doesn’t want to call me his girlfriend. He got out of divorce 2 years ago and it was really bad for him emotionally and financially and he doesn’t want to be pressured.

I told him I just want to be labeled as his girlfriend, not asking for a marriage. He dated a lot of girls and he didn’t go through this emotional issue until he met me. I went thru divorce 15 years ago and finally ready for a real relationship.

What should I do? He tells me I’m important to him and he does treats me well.. I’m about to end the relationship.


RELATED: Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

Dear Elle

I haven’t met you or your boyfriend, so I can’t say for sure what he’s thinking as it relates to your relationship. It’s clear you are at two different points in the relationship cycle. His divorce is still fresh. For men, adding a label does mean he’s all ten toes in and could be committed for life. If he acts like your boyfriend, isn’t seeing anyone else, is loyal and devoted to you, and makes you a priority, you can let it slide. The period from 6-12 months is when a man will decide on his own what label he wants to use to define your relationship. If he says you’re important to him, then believe him. If you think you’re just a transition person, let him know that you don’t think the two of you want the same type of relationship and although he’s important to you, you need to move on.

Let him know IF he changes his mind AND you’re still available, you’d be open to a more serious relationship. Keep me posted and good luck.

Dear Julie,

Well, I broke up with him….because I didn’t understand why he was all afraid of his ex finding out his current relationship. He said he just doesn’t want her to know his life, blah blah blah. I didn’t like his response and I broke up with him via text! I know I’m terrible but he has broken up via text with me before so I don’t feel too bad. I still like him but I wanted to respect my wishes. He has yet to text back. It’s been 6 days..

He also said we are more like a “friend with benefits” because he just doesn’t want a GF because he’s afraid so…. There you go.

RELATED: How to Go From Friends With Benefits to Being in Love

Dear Elle,

You did the right thing. Any man who hates labels then suddenly labels you as a FWB and says he doesn’t want a girlfriend doesn’t deserve someone special like you.

Know that there are great men out there who want exactly what you want. Congratulations on being strong and ignore any text that comes your way.

Guys like to know they can get you back, even if they can’t provide what you’re looking for, which is what was pretty much said to you. I’m sorry you went through this, but better eight months than wasting eight years.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. As an early adopter of online dating, she’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

For dating advice, SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt Newsletter and FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Dating Advice – Long Distance Romance and the Big Ultimatum

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Julie,

I’ve met a man online that I’m absolutely crazy about. He’s tall, sexy, worldly, and I knew instantly there was a connection. The problem is, he lives in another country. I know I should try to meet someone closer to home, but every month one of us flies to visit the other. I call him my boyfriend.

I am recently divorced and he’s never been married. He says he dates other women due to the distance. Yet, I hear from him every day via text messaging, emails, and phone calls and we plan wonderful trips together. I count the days until I see him.

I feel like I am being kept on hold just waiting for him to tell me that I’m the one and that he wants me to move in with him. It’s been a year already. What can I do to get him to commit to me exclusively? I am not interested in dating anyone else.

Please help.


Dear Lauren,

You are in a classic vacation romance relationship. It can be so exciting, especially when there’s a passport involved. However, you are wasting your precious youth as you wait for him to decide if you’re the one. ?Have you counted the amount of nights you end up alone for significant holidays or for special events? ?You also indicated that you are recently divorced, so this may be a transition relationship, which is not a bad idea.

However, for you to call a man who lives thousands of miles away your boyfriend when you know he is dating others, isn’t realistic. You also can’t force a man to decide to be exclusive. He is sending you all of the messages that this a relationship of convenience and fun. If he isn’t talking monogamy, future, and marriage, he is just plain not interested. My best advice is to put your online dating profile back up on one or two sites and start casually dating. Men hate the big ultimatum and there’s no reason for you to put your life on hold.

It’s time to move the fantasy of your relationship over and let an available men enter your life. You don’t have to break up or stop communicating, but it’s an international friends with benefits relationship you’ve got going.

Good luck with your search.

Julie Spira

Do you have a relationship question for Julie Spira or need dating advice? Contact us at