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Ladies: Make The First Move Online To Score 2.5x More Dates

via GIPHY

Gone are the rules of women sitting by the phone, waiting for a text, waiting for the phone to ring, and waiting for a guy to ask you out first.

Once Bumble, the app where the women have control on making the first contact, grew rapidly in popularity, women started thinking differently about the archaic waiting game. At Cyber-Dating Expert, we think that’s good news. We aren’t suggesting that women always take the lead, propose marriage, and schedule every date. We know from coaching male clients that they are frustrated with writing emails and not getting much response.

Men find it refreshing when they hear from a woman. It boosts their egos and they know the chances are high that they’ll start communicating. How high?

OkCupid just released a study that show that women who message men first receive a higher response rate and more desirable men. They studied a random sample of 70,000 users and found that women who initiated contact first were 2.5 times more likely to receive a response than men.

Jimena Almendares, chief product officer at OkCupid, told the New York Times, “There are women on the site that are reaching out, and they’re getting all the benefits.”

The study also showed that men tend to message women 17 percentage points more “attractive” than themselves, while women send messages to men 10 percentage points higher.

What does this mean? Ladies, if you’re just scrolling through your inbox instead of reaching out first, it’s more likely that you’ll be looking at men less attractive than you.

When looking at sending the first message, OKC found one habit common of both men and women: both are “reachers.” A reacher is someone who “reaches out” to someone more attractive than they are.

OkCupid Study of Attractiveness

For women, this means that waiting for men to approach you will result in an inbox filled with less attractive men, if any men at all.

However, this can be solved simply by sending a message first. Women who reach out first, regardless of sexual orientation, do get more responses. This could have something to do with men being more likely to respond when a woman messages them first.

OkCupid Study of First Messages

Instead of waiting to be approached, try elevating your digital love game by 12 percent points and send the first message. If you receive a message from a man, you’re most likely messaging with someone who is 5 percentile points less attractive than you, but if you message first, the man is likely to be 7 percentile points more attractive than you.

more attractive

This puts ladies in the digital driver seat. If you send a messages to men you find attractive, you’ll increase your quantity of quality men to talk to. You’re more likely to have something to talk about with someone you message first.

At the end of the digital day, take a chance and message someone first who you find attractive. Not everyone will respond, but you’ll be filling your date card and going on more dates. Isn’t that the goal?

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Read the full study from OkCupid here.

 

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert, Mobile Dating Expert, and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating, and  was an early adopter of Internet dating, coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Find out how Irresistible Profiles will help you fill your date card to find your dream date.

Sign up for the free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox, along with the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online.

Tinder Update Ignites Gifs and New Flirting Features

Flirting on Tinder just got easier. Instead of just swiping right on the mobile app and starting a chat with a potential love interest, their latest update (4.8.1) includes, among other things, access to a GIF library from the popular GIF app, Giphy.

Now, when you can’t think of a way to start a conversation with one of your matches, or don’t want to just say “hey,” you can send a GIF instead.

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The mobile dating app now offers a diverse selection of GIFs to choose from, and even gives you a search option to find the perfect GIF for your digital crush.

IMG_1058How to Access the GIF Library

  1. Click the GIF button located to the left of the text box (in the exact same spot as the photo insert button in iMessage)
  2. You’ll immediately be shown some of the most popular GIFs.
  3. Search for GIFs by category from pop culture, to music, to a TV show, or even a popular meme.
  4. Click on the GIF and it will instantly be sent. 
  5. You message folder will say, You sent a GIPHY to each match who was a recipient of a GIF.

Before you start sending fun GIFs to your matches, take a deep digital breath before pushing the send button. Once you click on a GIF, it sends instantly without an option to preview it or add a message. You can’t undo the GIF button like you can with their premium rewind feature to take back that last left swipe.

So if you’ve ever been hit with a “Netflix and chill” on Tinder and wanted to delete your match, now you can express exactly how you were feeling while you rolled your eyes holding onto your mobile phone.

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With Tinder’s new update, users can also “like” messages by tapping the heart icon next to the received messages.

Related: Tinder vs. IRL: #OnTinderAtTender Trend

The greatest part of the new Tinder update, is the ability to upload photos from your camera roll instead of being limited to those already on Facebook.

The previous limitations on uploading photos from your camera roll were an attempt to establish authenticity among users and limit the amount of fake or nonexistent people creating profiles on the app.

Another huge addition to the app is the support of 3D Touch and the ability to preview web pages within conversations. You can also use 3D Touch before opening the app too. Much like using 3D Touch on your Messages app to open a recent conversation, you can now use it on Tinder to go straight to a conversation with one of your matches.

What are your thoughts on Tinder’s new updates?

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and is the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie and her team create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more relationship advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

View our book trailer for The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love OnlineNEWLY REVISED with a magical epilogue and Bonus Audio Dating Advice.