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Help! My Boyfriend Created a Tinder Profile After a Fight

Hi Julie,

Today my best friend was on Tinder and found my boyfriend’s account. We have been together almost 3 years, though we have broken up twice. I confronted him about it and he told me he made it after a big fight of ours, realized he was making a mistake, then deleted the app, and must have forgotten to delete the account.

He said that he didn’t message or get involved with anyone. When I asked him for permission to log on to see if his claims were true, he said that he already just deleted the account.

What do I do?

Worried

My Dear Worried,

If I had a dollar for every person who contacted me after they or a friend found a Tinder profile during a swiping frenzy, I’d take a trip around the world.

RELATED: HELP! I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND ON TINDER

All relationships go through bumps on the road, and a guy often looks to see who else is out there, if he has doubts about the relationship, or even if he’s about to make a deeper commitment.

That doesn’t mean he met someone, chatted with someone, or even remembered he had a moment of faux girlfriend shopping.

The most important part of a relationship is trust. If he says he deleted the app, that’s probably exactly what he thinks he did and you need to believe him.

When someone removes Tinder from their mobile phone, they assume it’s gone, as they aren’t using it. There is a difference between removing Tinder from your phone and deleting your account permanently. Most people don’t realize that.

Your boyfriend thinks he’s a good guy and is in a relationship with you, but his profile will still appear on Tinder as a potential match to others, so yes, it looks like a form of cheating.

RELATED: HOW TO DELETE YOUR TINDER PROFILE WHEN YOU MEET THE ONE

I say let it slide now, or you could be headed for another breakup. If it’s not on his phone, he isn’t swiping right or left on anyone, nor is he chatting with anyone. Give it a few weeks and let him know that you appreciate him being honest with you about “removing” Tinder from his phone and that you’re happy everything is going well with the two of you.

Then let him know you read an article (mine), that said if you take Tinder off your phone, it stays on their service as an active profile unless you log on and specifically click “Delete Account.” It’s in the settings part of the profile that looks like a gear at the very bottom.  Tell him it would make you feel more comfortable if he deleted/disabled his account, so others who know both of you don’t assume that the two of you agreed to an “open relationship.” Make it about the two of you, not just about you.

Send him this link, How to Delete Tinder on how to do it, but don’t look over his shoulder and question him on who he was chatting with, if anyone. Again, it’s about trust and show that you trust that he tried to remove Tinder correctly and that even you didn’t realize there’s a difference between removing Tinder and deleting an account.

I think he’s telling you the truth and really wants you to trust him. Have the conversation in a very loving way. He’ll appreciate the fact that neither of you want to send the message that you’re available for an open relationship, when you’re not.

Keep me posted!

Julie

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating and find out how our Irresistible Profiles programs will help you find your dream date.

 

 

Julie Spira to Appear on Dates & Mates with Damona Hoffman

Dates and Mates

It’s the first week of the year, and it’s a busy one for sure.

Many of you are back to work and have New Year’s resolutions which include finding love on your list.

I’m so honored to announce that I’ll be a guest on ‘Dates & Mates’ radio with my good friend and TV Dating Expert, Damona Hoffman on Thursday, January 5th.

Our topic will be Online Dating Week, which is going on right now. In fact, Dating Sunday, or if you’re a hashtag fanatic like I am, #DatingSunday will be the peak time for online dating signups on Sunday, January 8th.

Julie Spira Damona Hoffman

Dates & Mates Host Damona Hoffman and Julie Spira

Photo Credit: iDate Awards 2016

Damona’s show is dedicated to all things dating, mating, and relating and the best part is YOU can become a part of the live conversation.  No other love show on the web lets you watch what happens via a LIVE STREAM from their Hollywood studio. Plus you can live tweet your questions, chat with other listeners, and download past episodes.

Listen to me live Thursday 1/5 at 11 am PST on ‘Dates & Mates’. Tune into UBNRadio.com channel 1 to hear Damona and I dish about Online Dating Week.

I promise we’ll have you completely armed with a digital strategy to help you find love in 2017.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie

Let’s get social!

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter,  Instagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox, where you’ll also receive a free copy of our ebook, The 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and was on the Internet before people even knew there was an Internet! Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and her dating advice has been featured in over 1000 media stories.

 

Moving From Best Friends to In a Relationship

Relationship and dating adviceDear Julie,

I’ve read your post, Dating Advice: Are we Dating or Just Hanging Out? and I want to ask you about my relationship situation.

My best friend and I just admitted we have feelings for each other. We have discussed what would happen if we did have a relationship and that we’ll remain best friends. He asked me what this makes us. I don’t know how to respond. I was going to say that we are just “us”. No labels just yet. I’m shy when it comes to relationships and I don’t really like other people knowing because I feel judged. I don’t want to call him my boyfriend yet and we aren’t “dating”. Are we just seeing each other?

Hi Autumn,

Some of the best relationship start as friends first, so you’re probably off to a good start.

There’s no need for a label until you start dating officially. Then you’re “dating.” Once you decide to become exclusive, it’s fair to say you’re “seeing each other.”

Eventually you might want to start calling him your boyfriend, but relationship labels don’t matter as much as feelings and if you’re on the same page.

A lot of people get hung up on having the DTR (Define the Relationship) talk and it can make or break a relationship if it happens at the wrong time.

Related: Dating Labels: Why Won’t He Call Me His Girlfriend?

As long as you have continuity in your relationship, keep communicating about your feelings, and are both happy with the pace, keep open to the possibilities of where it will lead. There’s no need to change your Facebook relationship status to make a big announcement. At some point, one of you might want it to become more serious than the other or you may just say you want to go back to friends. Time will tell.

I applaud you for admitting your true feelings and hope this relationship evolves into something that makes you both happy.

Keep me posted!

Julie

Do you have a dating, online dating, or relationship question? Submit your questions here to be answered in our Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love for over two decades.  For more dating advice, let’s stay social and FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for specials and relationship advice.

Do you want to read our bestselling dating book? The newly revised edition is available on Kindle on Amazon, Barnes and Noble Nook, and in an audio book on Audible!

 

 

7 Online Dating Photo Tips to Rock Your Summer Profile

Match tells us things will be heating up this summer online, specifically on June 27th, the busiest day of the summer. They asked me to write a post for their blog with some tips to freshen up your online dating profile for summer.

As someone who’s been creating dating profiles for two decades, I can tell you that neglecting to refresh your profile and keeping it stagnant might result in an empty date card. Ouch. It’s summer and you should be having fun, right?

Since you switch your wardrobes for the summer season (out with the wool and in with the white), let’s do the same with a digital facelift for your online dating and mobile dating profile photos.

Photos

Men and women are visual creatures by nature, it’s just a fact of life! The first thing we see about anyone is their face, so profiles without even one photo will be passed over in a digital moment.

  1. What’s the number? Besides your main profile photo, you should have a handful of other pictures that depict you in different settings and showcase your personality. In my opinion, five is the magic number of photos to upload to your profile. Four to six is perfect. Anymore, post them on social media instead. Any less, and someone will wonder what you’re hiding.
  2. Grab a BFF and Have a Photo Party. Don’t like taking pictures of yourself or find it impossible to decide on the best pictures of you? One fun and easy way to snap more pictures of yourself is to grab a best friend and either a digital camera or high quality smartphone camera. Then, put on a your own fashion show by shopping in your closet and picking out 3-5 great outfits that make you feel your best!
  3. Use Social Media Photos. Another tip is to head over to your Facebook profile and grab your best, smiling/happy pictures to add to your dating profile. Make sure to caption the photos with the location and date the photo was taken so members will know they’re recent.

 

4. Wear red! For the ladies, you should ditch the little black dress so you don’t look like every other profile photo. Research from the University of Rochester has shown that photos of women wearing red get more views and more dates than any other color. Red is the color of love and passion, so it’s a no-brainer!

5. Ditch the selfies. We are dating in a selfie-crazed world, so it’s more than normal for your Instagram feed to be loaded with fun selfies. However, for your dating profile, selfies don’t always make you look your best or most social. Have someone you trust to hold your phone when you have the urge to take a selfie for dating profile purposes.

6. Look to the left. Studies have shown that when you look to your left, your best emotions will shine. However, if you’re looking to the right in your favorite photo, that’s no problem! Just use some photo editing software or a simple photo editing app to reverse the image to get a left side-facing photo.

7. Wear summery outfits. Find something fun, colorful, and summer-like to wear in your profile shots. A well-fitted t-shirt and jeans works well for the guys, whereas ladies do best in a flirty sundress. To speak more to the season, take down the snow skiing shots and replace them with photos that show summer-based activities, like water skiing or lounging by the pool. That said, try to avoid posting any sort of swimsuit picture — you don’t want to show too much too soon.

To read the full post with more tips, check Match.com’s blog here!

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and as an early adopter of online dating, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.  Julie ranks as the most influential person in “dating” and “online dating” in social media. Follow her @JulieSpira on TwitterInstagram, and Facebook and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

It’s the Busiest Summer Time for Online Dating

As summer’s starting to heat up, do you know what that means? It’s time for summer love. Are you ready?

Our friends at Match recently conducted a study and found that summer is the best time of the year to start online dating.  So grab your mobile phone, tablet, computer, and a smile as June 27th is around the corner and it’s the busiest day for online dating this summer.

As you dive into online dating this summer, here are some fun date ideas to suggest to your digital crush to add to your date card.

Dr. Helen Fisher, Biological Anthropologist and Match’s Chief Scientific Advisor, said in a press release that, “Sunlight gives people energy.”

“We humans don’t have a mating season; we breed all year long. But increasing light does give us a sunny personality and more energy and optimism – all of which could increase our sexuality.”

Get ready to fill your date card for Monday, June 27th, and for the rest of the summer, with these hot summer date ideas.

1. Hike

2. Barbecue 

3. Catch an Outdoor Movie

4. Attend a Music Festival

5. Prepare a Meal and Have a Picnic

6. Go Stargazing

7. Explore at a Farmer’s Market

8. Attend a Baseball Game

9. Be Tourists

10. Ride a Roller Coaster

The study also identified the top 10 cities where users communicate the most during this season, so you just might want to change your zip code and cast a wider net if your city isn’t on this list.

Top 10 Flirtiest Cities in the Summer

1. Winston-Salem, NC
2. Stockton, CA
3. Raleigh, NC
4. Springfield, MA
5. Hartford, CT
6. Durhamn-Chapel Hill, NC
7. Santa Rosa, CA
8. Jacksonville, FL
9. Manchester, NH
10. Tucson, AZ

Are you ready for summer love? If not, we’re here to help, so check out our Irresistible Dating Coaching plans to help you find the love of your life.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of online dating and as a celebrity dating coach, has been helping singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs.  Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online .

For dating advice, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Julie Spira Talks Online Dating With Charles Tendell

Ask the Cyber-Dating ExpertIf you missed our radio interview on “Hacked” on the Charles Tendell show on Denver’s Talk Radio 1690 KDMT in Denver, here’s the replay for your listening pleasure.

In this one hour segment I provided tips for online dating profiles, safety, how to spot a “catfish” and how to create an irresistible online dating profile to find your dream date.

Listen Here

You’ll hear how I told Charles the story of how I became the pioneer of online dating, even before the days of Match and eHarmony. I also provided listeners with tips to be successful with Internet dating with the enormous amount of members flocking to dating sites and mobile apps.

Since many singles are looking for a different type relationship, whether it’s a long-term relationship, or casual dating, we discussed which sites are the best for you. Is Tinder just for hookups? Hear my explanation.

For the best online dating advice, I do recommend truth-in-advertising, as these days daters are hopping over to Facebook, Linkedin, Instagram, and other social networking sites to see if your photos and profiles match up.

Read the full transcript here:

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Julie Spira to Revamp Bevy Smith’s Dating Profiles on SiriusXM

Bevy Smith TinderJoin Online Dating Expert Julie Spira as she returns to SiriusXM’s ‘Bevelations’ as a guest with radio show host Bevy Smith on April 6th.

Julie will be critiquing Bevy’s Match and Tinder profiles LIVE at 5:30pm/ET, 2:30pm/PT on SiirusXM’s ‘Radio Andy’ Channel 102.

Listen as Julie revamps Bevy’s dating profiles and teaches listeners all the tips on how to be successful online and on mobile dating apps.

You won’t want to miss this lively discussion with the former Bravo “Fashion Queens” star and host, Bevy Smith.

We’ll be live tweeting from @JulieSpira with the hashtag of #Bevelations, so follow us on Twitter for the conversation.

Julie Spira is Ameria’s Top Online Dating Expert and was an early adopter of Internet dating. She’s a celebrity dating coach and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, newly released with a magical epilogue and a fairy tale ending.

For dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter.

Cyber Love Story – Clara and Sandy

Cyber Love Story - Clara and SandyMeet Clara and Sandy our Cyber Love Story featured couple who met on Match and fell in love.

When Clara joined Match, she was only on the site for about two months when she got matched with Sandy.

Both Clara and Sandy had lost their spouses, so they had that in common.  Clara was single for eleven years and was ready to meet a man who “got her” and accepted her for who she was.

Sandy had lost his wife and was also looking for a companion to go to dinner and movies with. He selected Clara and what caught his eye, were both her hot legs and her Hungarian background.

The two spoke by phone briefly and then the emails started going back-and-forth.

When Sandy went on vacation, Clara figured he’d forget about her, but she was wrong.

Their first date in downtown Los Angeles was very romantic. After dinner, Clara, who’s an artist, invited Sandy to view her etchings in her studio.

The two dated for two weeks and saw each other every night. After two months Sandy moved in, well as Clara says, “he just stayed and never left.”

The two decided to take a big trip to Rome, Florence and Milan, Italy which tested their relationship.

On their one year anniversary together, Sandy proposed at one of their favorite Italian restaurants. He said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Clara.

Congratulations to Clara and Sandy who have found another chance at love with the help of Match.

Send us your story and we might feature you in our Cyber Love Story series.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Submit Your Online Dating Stories

 

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, newly revised on Kindle and Audible.

Find out how Irresistible Coaching can help you find your dream date. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Surviving Valentine’s With a Long Distance Love

Long Distance LoveGeography used to be a barrier to the success of long distance relationships. These days technology can be our best friend when it comes to matters of the heart. Singles are dating online across town, across the U.S. and even in other countries.

So plug in your iPhones, set up your tablets and computers, and let’s get creative. It’s Valentine’s week and time to plan in advance to keep that spark alive.

If you and your long distance love can’t be in each other’s arms this Valentine’s Day, here’s your check list on what to do to make that day special for both of you.

1. Special Delivery

When in doubt, send flowers. Nothing will put a smile on her face more than receiving flowers, but did you know he might be flattered with a special delivery package as well? Go online and find something unique he’d like, that you know he wouldn’t buy for himself. Our list of 7 tech gifts for Valentine’s has a cross-section of items he might enjoy in a variety of price ranges. Is he a golfer? Send a gift certificate for a round of golf. Does he ski? Order new ski pants or send a lift ticket. He’ll be happy when he opens the door.

2. Schedule a Skype or Facetime Dinner Date

If you can’t be with your one-and-only cheek-to-cheek, dress up for the occasion, whip up a fun meal, and dine together with the help of your webcam. Ladies, make sure to wear red and pucker up with some shiny lip gloss. If you did receive flowers from your BF, place them next to you so he can see what he ordered.  Swap recipes in advance and let one of you be responsible for the appetizers, while another decides on the main course. At the end of the date, remember to have a romantic dessert. One of my favorites is in our Love Potions: Stuffed Strawberries with Dark Chocolate. You’ll both fall asleep with smiles on your faces, guaranteed.

3. Make a CD Mix or playlist

Music and romance are a winning combination. One way to show you care is to take the time from your busy day to create a music list and send it electronically to your date. If he or she still likes CDs, mail a gift-wrapped CD to their home. It’s a great way to show that you love them. Your Valentine will think of you every time they listen to it, so it’s a gift without an expiration date, in between the times you get to see each other IRL.

4. Remember to put a stamp on it

Write a love letter and mail it to them, snail mail. Your Valentine will have a permanent keepsake and there’s something uber romantic about a hand-written card with a stamp on it. Call me old-fashioned, but love letters will never go out of style.

Related: Tips on Writing a Love Letter

5. Say “I Love You”

How do I love thee. Let me count the ways. There’s no limit to the amount of times you should let your S.O. know you love them. Should you text or call? I say do both. Send a text early enough to wake him or her up in the morning. Follow it up with a call or voicemail message wishing them a “Happy Valentine’s Day.” Then it’s off to your Skype date in the evening.

6. Have a Movie Marathon

Watching a rom-com in each other’s arms can give you that warm and fuzzy connected feeling. But what happens when you’re in a LDR? I say keep that movie night on the calendar.  Pick a romantic comedy to watch together, while apart. Head over to Skype or FaceTime, grab some snacks, and enjoy a movie date together. If you’d rather binge watch your favorite TV series, no need to fret. Netflix has released a survey showing your love and affection together, as it relates to the way you binge watch. Need more deets? Check it out.

7. Send a Care Package

Nothing screams TLC in a better way when you’re far away, than sending your Valentine a care package in advance. What should you include? Anything romantic. Candles, lingerie, chocolate, music, a hand-written love note, framed photos of the two of you, or something you know that will make him or her smile. Remember to send it in advance, or go for a 2-day delivery. Valentine’s is on a Sunday this year, so your package will need to be received by Friday.

If all else fails, you can always plan a surprise visit. It doesn’t get much better than that. Our friends at PlentyOfFish shared a video with us, about how they brought together a long-distance relationship couple, Kristen from New Jersey and Johnny from Pennsylvania. POF flew them to Vancouver for a romantic Valentine’s Day, claiming they recognized the remarkable strength and fortitude of couples who navigate the highs and lows of long-distance relationships. As Kristen says, “Love is really is greater than distance.”

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this Valentine’s Day, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

The Perils of Cyber-DatingLooking for love online?

Check out our completely revised edition of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, released for Valentine’s Day. This 2nd edition is available digitally on Amazon on Kindle and in an audio book on Audible and Amazon and includes a new epilogue with a romantic twist and a fairy tale ending.

 

College Kids and Grandparents Rush to Online Dating

Online Dating ProfileLooking for Love Online?

A new Pew Research Center study was released in time for Valentine’s with good news for daters both young and old. Your chances of finding a date or a soul mate have increased dramatically just in the past two years.

A new Pew Research Center study among 2,001 adults from June 10-July 12, 2015, has found that online dating has nearly tripled for singles 18-24 and more than doubled for singles 55-64.

Largest Users of Online and Mobile Dating are Young Americans 18-24

According to the survey, young Americans 18-24 now make up the largest percentage of users to online dating sites and mobile dating apps, with most of them using mobile dating apps that weren’t around when the survey was taken two years ago.

Pew Research Study

Attitudes Towards Online Dating Continue to be Favorable

The good news is that 80% of those who have used online dating sites agree that online dating is a good way to meet people. Say goodbye to the stigma and hello to finding love online. At Cyber-Dating Expert, we’ve been coaching singles from college-age to baby boomers for years now, so we are pleased to see the research back up our own work.

Some of the reasons for the growth in acceptance to online dating is that it allows singles to find a better match by meeting a lot of people, and it has become an efficient way of meeting someone new.

We know that Tinder has led the way for mobile dating app use for singles 18-24, who are constantly attached to their smartphones. We know they often swipe right, without paying attention to the photos on the screen. Yet, if you ask any single person now, they’ll be comfortable in letting you know that they are using a mobile dating app.

Pew Research 2016

The Whole Family is Dating Online Now, Well, Almost

What’s interesting to note is that their single or divorced parents are looking for love online now in record numbers as well. 

With many baby boomers becoming single by divorce or the death of a spouse, they are finding online dating a source of hope in getting back out there in the dating world, a world where mobile apps didn’t exist while they were raising their kids.

So if you’re at the dining room table and you’ll probably notice that both mom and her kids are swiping left and right to fill their date cards.

Full survey results at Pew Research Center

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice

Sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt

 

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