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Julie Spira on Good Day LA – Online Dating Tips for Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart’s decision to join Match.com is still a hot topic. If Martha loves dating, of course she should join the millions of singles who are members of an online dating site.

As a guest on the FOX News show, Good Day LA,  I spoke with Steve Edwards and Robin Sax with suggestions for Martha’s new online dating profile.

I believe Martha needs to create a catchy screen name. Using her real name of Martha Stewart is fine for Linkedin and Twitter, but since she says she feels like she’s 45-50, then she should create a fun and flirty user name for her profile. Martha’s new profile reveals that she’s selected the title of her new book as her screen name. In her profile, of TheGoodLongLife, she indicates that she’s seeking men 55-70 who make $150,000 or more.

Martha should post 3-5 recent photos of herself, but resist the urge to use her magazine cover to treat her online dating profile like a magazine spread. Those photos should be posted on Facebook instead. So far, she’s only posted two pictures. I guess she’s dipping her toes in slowly.

Martha should list some of her recipes under hobbies. She could say that she bakes an amazing key lime pie and then ask a question such as, “Have you ever tried key lime pie or lobster bisque?” It’s no secret that men love to be fed and this gives the men a reason to write to her.

Online dating can be overwhelming. Martha should create an organizational spreadsheet. My coaching clients all receive a Dating Docket, which they fill out to keep all of their dates straight. After all, she wouldn’t want to call Robert by the name of last night’s date, if his name was actually Richard.

What are you dating tips for Martha Stewart? Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Full article on My Fox LA

Dating Advice: To Take Down, or Not to Take Down Your Profile

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dating in a Web 2.0 World can be very tricky and emotional at times. The big drama often surrounds one pulling down their online dating profile while the other is still playing the field. I’m not into game playing and believe you should follow your heart.

However, it’s rare for two people who are in a new relationship to be on the same digital page on each and every date. While you’re in the getting-to-know you phase, the best rules are ones which include honesty and avoid entrapment.

So when I was asked by Diane Mapes to contribute to her article on Match.com’s Happen Magazine, in Pulling your profile after finding The One, I was happy to share my thoughts.

Let’s start with the unplugging parties. Should you agree to have a celebration and pull down your profiles together? It’s a growing popular trend, but I think it comes with too much pressure. If the man suggests an unplugging celebration and you feel great about it, go ahead and do so. It’s like having a digital anniversary. While I believe a woman could suggest future outings and dates, I don’t believe she should be the one to schedule a date to unplug. There’s still some old-fashioned chivalry and courtship that takes place, both online and offline.

In matters of digital courting, typically the man takes down his profile first.? Perhaps he’ll share that information with his date, but if they’ve just met, it can scare a woman away. She’ll be flattered, but might not be ready to go to the next step of dating exclusively or be ready for any intimate expectations that might be expected with retiring dating profiles. If a woman takes down her profile, guys shouldn’t run away thinking she did it for them. Often a woman will receive too many emails from men she isn’t interested in, or her paid membership may have expired.

Taking down your profile as well as changing your Facebook relationship status can be a big deal and come along with 2-dimensional assumptions that could kill your relationship.

The best times to take down your profile:

1. You’re tired of online dating and are receiving too many emails from incompatible people, or too few emails to make it worth your while.

2. You have a crush on someone and you don’t want him or her to think you’re a serial dater logging in daily to see the next fresh face.

3. One has already taken their profile down and you feel you’d like to reciprocate and see where the relationship will go.

4. You both agree to date exclusively.

5. Before you become physically intimate.

The worst times to take down a profile:

1. After a first date. Sorry, it’s just too soon and will send him or her running with the fear they are in an instant relationship.

2. If you feel pressured to do so by the other party.

3. To make someone else you like feel jealous.

4. To pressure your date to do the same.

5. To hide it temporarily before your date knowing you plan on re-posting it when you get home.

When *Debbie was thinking about going on her first romantic weekend away with *Mike,? it made sense for the two of them to take down their profiles. However *Mike gave her the big ultimatum. She wasn’t exactly ready to retire her profile, but he kept her on the phone and walked her through the instructions until he was satisfied that her profile was removed. Debbie found this behavior controlling and their relationship ran its course. She still tells me that she remembers the day that he forced her to take down her profile, or he’d be moving on.

When *Mark told *Jill he had taken his profile down on their 4th date, Jill was flattered, but told him she just wasn’t ready. She hoped that she would catch up, but was open to dating others still.? After the 6th date, Jill decided to date Mark exclusively and took down her profile on her own. This relationship started off based upon honesty and without manipulation. Mark was willing to wait for Jill rather than leave her for a more eager face. The two eventually got engaged.

At the end of the digital day, I believe in developing the friendship part of your relationship if you’re looking for long-term love. Remember, you’ve met online and you’re creating your relationship history now offline. Taking down your profile doesn’t mean you’re going ring shopping or heading to the altar. It doesn’t mean you’re jumping into bed either. Often it’s a gesture to show genuine interest. Be flattered when he or she takes down their profile, but don’t go crazy with assumptions and over analyze the situation. You’re just dating and getting to know each other. Enjoy the journey.

Julie Spira is an online dating and cyber-relations expert. She’s the Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert


Writing an Online Dating Profile

Recently, I was interviewed by the Mercury News for an article called, How to Write an Online Dating Profile. The article was published in newspapers throughout the country where I?provided online dating tips along with some words and phrases to avoid in your Internet dating profile.

By Jessica Yadegaran

Online Profile Writing – 101

How do you draw eyes to your online dating profile? Follow these tips from cyber dating expert Julie Spira

  • Include three clear, recent photographs of yourself.
  • Talk about your passions, hobbies, and volunteer work.
  • Use humor, as long as it translates well.
  • Mention what you are looking for in a date or partner.
  • Run spell-check and fix grammatical errors.
  • Have a friend read your profile to make sure it represents you.

Bad Buzz Words

Avoid using these words and phrases when writing your online profile, says?cyber-dating expert Julie Spira. They often carry loaded meanings.

  • Don’t call yourself sexy. Let the person viewing your profile make that determination.
  • Don’t say you’re “looking for someone who is financially stable.” It makes you sound like a gold digger.
  • Avoid saying you want a person who is physically fit. They can see what your physical “type” is in the multiple choice sections of most online dating websites.
  • The phrase “I’m looking for my better half” makes you sound needy and less confident. People want to know that you’re a whole person before they meet you. Same with “I’m looking for my soulmate.” It’s cliche and over the top.
  • Avoid saying you like the “finer things in life.” Spell out what you mean, or you’ll wind up sounding too high maintenance.

FIVE YEARS AGO, Tiffany Garcia spotted Matt Weber’s profile on?Match. It was the humor and honesty in Weber’s profile that stood out from the others, she says.

“It wasn’t too self-promoting,” says Garcia, 35, who married Weber last year. The couple lives in San Jose. As Garcia recalls, Weber spoke of his love of being a dad and how he doesn’t like meeting people in bars. “People have a certain need to brand themselves, and his was more authentic and genuine.”

Last April,?Match.com reported that one in five couples meet online, surpassing church and bars as a way to find a partner. Writing a profile to catch someone’s eye is akin to dressing up for a singles party: You want to make a good first impression. So if you don’t already know how to look good on the computer screen, it may be time you learned.

Think of your profile as the resume for your personal life, a short, snappy write-up that reflects your personality and what you are looking for without revealing too much, says Los Angeles-based cyberdating expert Julie Spira. Don’t brag. Don’t be long-winded. And don’t forget to run spell-check.

Avoid buzz words and phrases. They can convey things you didn’t intend, Spira says. For instance, you might think writing that you enjoy the finer things in life sounds good. But it can come across as high maintenance. “Looking for my better half” sounds desperate. Soulmate? Cliche.

Three clear, current photographs are ideal, says Spira, author of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online” (Morgan James, 2009). Use a head shot, body shot, and one that shows you hiking, wine tasting, or doing something else you love. Lastly, leave out photos of children, even if they’re yours.

“I don’t believe in exploiting kids online,” she says. “You can talk about them in your essay.”

Ah, the dreaded essay. To take the pressure off and pique peoples’ curiosity, Spira suggests using a catchy, descriptive screen name, like yogagirl415 or giantsfan925. “If they like that, chances are they’ll keep reading,” she says.

Other tips: Don’t tell your life story. Skip the drama. Instead, include interesting hobbies, passions, and what you’re looking for, not what you think a man or woman wants to hear, Spira adds. Most importantly, have a friend read your profile before you post it.

For the full article, visit Mercury News


Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Dr. Diana Kirschner

Dr. Diana Kirschner and Julie Spira

Dr. Diana Kirschner and Julie Spira

Listen to this week’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, where my featured guest Dr. Diana Kirschner discussed her best-selling book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

Dr. Diana talked about some of the 13 deadly dating patterns from her book including The Flame Out, The Fantasy Relationship, I’ll Make You Love Me, and Not Perfect, I’ll Pass. We also discussed her Six Secrets of Rapid Online Dating Success.

Learn how to get your Internet dating profile to stand out among the large pool of online daters in this terrific show.