From New Year’s resolutions including joining a gym, to joining an online dating site to find love in 2015 tops the list for many singles. Are you ready to join the world’s largest digital dating party?
Think about it. Some relationships ran their course and couples broke up before the holidays. Others hung in there until New Year’s and realized they were in a relationship that wouldn’t go the distance. Some singles made the decision after having another holiday alone that they’d make a better effort to find their soul mate.
While Sunday is known to be a busy day for logins on Internet dating sites, the first Sunday of the year is the busiest day for new members to take action with their love lives.
- According to PlentyofFish, 5pm, EST will break all the records with the most number of singles online at one time on the first Sunday of the year.
- POF adds that singles that sign up in January are 15% more likely to meet a significant other and that it will take single men approximately 10 weeks to meet a significant other and it will take single women approximately 8 weeks to couple up.
- The folks at Match.com agree that January 4th is the busiest day of the year for their site. Match reports a 38% increase in membership from December 26th through February 14th.
So whether you’re swiping right on Tinder or your mobile app or logging on to see your daily matches and who has viewed your profile, one thing is for sure. If you’re single and want to connect, you must have a digital dating strategy to help you stand out in the crowded playground.
Here are five tips for online dating in the New Year
- Change your Photos. I’m a big believer that a picture tells 1000 words. If you have the budget to hire a photographer, have him or her take photos of you in your natural environment. It’s an expense that might help you find your dream date.
- Create a New Catchy Screen Name. If you’re on a site which allows you to have a screen name or user name other than your first name, come up with something unique that describes your personality. Using your name and zip code isn’t very original or catchy. Some great names include anything athletic such as LovestoSki or YogaLover to anything artistic such as MusicLover or Drummer4U.
- Ask questions! Writing an online dating profile can be as bland as writing your resume while you’re job hunting. The difference is, you need to create an opportunity to open a dialog with your potential date. Describe things that you’d like to do together with someone as a couple and ask a question such as, I enjoy hiking in the Santa Monica Canyon. Have you ever been?
- Be proactive. They say the squeaky wheel gets the deal in business, but what about online? Too many women are afraid to contact a man because they think they will appear needy or desperate. I say, toss out those old rules. Men are flattered when they receive an email from a woman, so don’t wait, initiate.
- Be engaged. Whether you’re looking for a ring on your finger or just a date for Friday night, the more active that you are online, the more likely your profile will be raised to the top. Many sites give you tools to search for dates, opportunities to “like” photos, and send you emails with potential matches. The more you use these tools, the greater chance you have to fill up your date card.
If you need some help, our signature Irresistible Profiles and personalized dating coaching programs just might be exactly what you’re looking for in the New Year. We’ve helped singles around the world find love and look forward to helping you while looking for love online.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, having created her first profiles over 20 years ago. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Welcome to our Cyber Monday special at Cyber-Dating Expert.
This year, we’re making Cyber Monday so irresistible, that we’re providing 15 Magic Minutes of critiquing your dating profile, LIVE for FREE!.
That’s right. There’s no road rage, trampling on people in parking lots or getting out your credit card. We know the holidays are tough, so on Monday, December 1st and Tuesday, December 2nd, sign up for our 15 Magic Minutes and schedule your free session to review your profile.
If you’re new to online dating, take that time to talk about your dating dilemmas for free. If you need some extra hand holding, we’re offering 25% off our popular Internet dating packages including The Flirt, Going Steady, and Totally in Love.
To schedule your free session via phone or Skype, sign up below. This is limited to those who sign up on December 1st and 2nd, 2014 and sessions will take place during the month of December, 2014. Offer available to new clients only.
Thank you for signing up for our Cyber Monday special offer of a FREE online dating profile critique! We offer this irresistible special only once a year, so hurry before this offer expires on December 2, 2014 at midnight!
To schedule us, please fill out the contact form below. We’re also offering 25% off our Irresistible Coaching programs.
What are you waiting for? Sometimes the best things in life are free.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and was an early adopter of Internet dating. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter
Meet Robyn and Richard who met on Match.com. Their cyber love story is an inspiration to all that if you stick with the online dating process, you can eventually find the love of your life.
Robyn’s Cyber Love Story:
I was divorced and living in Los Angeles for nine years and dating in LA wasn’t easy. I was dating on and off for a few years online. I really wasn’t sure that I was going to meet someone. Like many, I got frustrated with the process, but I had met a woman in Los Angeles who went on 300 online dates! On date 300 she met ‘the one’ and they’ve been together for ten years. That gave me a lot of hope, but still the thought of 300 dates terrified me.
What really kept me going is a man I met on match and dated briefly. Although we didn’t go the distance we became the best of friends. Within a year, he met his life partner on Match. That gave me even more hope.
So I joined Match in January and had been searching within 12 miles of where I lived. I know that’s not very far, but with the traffic in Los Angeles, it seemed realistic to me. When my male friend, whose girlfriend lived in the Valley suggested that I expand my search to a town in the Valley called Woodland Hills, (I live near the beach), I found the zip code and typed it into the search to view men I would have never considered before. I didn’t even know where that town was.
Then I saw Richard’s photo and profile in July. I was brave and decided to write to him first. Ladies listen up. Guys really like it when you write to them. I sent a simple email, which said, “Hey I read your profile. Sounds like we might have a few things in common. Check out my profile and let me know what you think.”
He emailed me back right away. We set up a phone date for the next day and it went to voicemail.
We met three days later and I remember getting out of the car and taking a deep breath and saying to myself, ‘Ok. Here we go. I hope he looks remotely like his picture.”
Richard was waiting for me in the restaurant wearing a suit and a tie. He looked rather dashing. I thought, hmm. I might have just met my future husband, and it turned out that it did!
I never thought someone of this guy’s caliber would be waiting for me at the end of the journey. I cannot even say how lucky I feel! If someone had invented the perfect someone for me, Richard would be it.
Richard’s Cyber Love Story:
I had been a member of Match for about four years and dated lots of people. Most were the typical one-and-done dates.
I saw Robyn’s profile in my daily matches and read her bio. I was attracted to her, but I was intimidated by her experience as a newscaster and reporter. She had been living in New York and had traveled around the world. She appeared to be sophisticated and I thought I wouldn’t live up to her expectations, so I didn’t write to her.
I was very thrilled when I received her email. In our first conversation, we had a lot to say to each other. I felt very comfortable with her when we met for a drink. She looked like her photos and like every guy, I was happy about that. We spent four hours talking and I knew I wanted to ask her out again. From our second date, we became exclusive and I actually knew after about 3-4 months of dating that I wanted to marry her.
We talked about marriage and our future, but Robyn had it in her head that a couple needed to be together for a year or two, so she said she’d think about it.
We moved in together and got a new apartment after 9 months of dating and then on our one-year anniversary of our first date, we were married on the beach in Malibu and are set for a Europe honeymoon.
Congratulations to Robyn and Richard who prove that you can find love online.
Do you have an online dating story to share? Send us your story and you might get featured in our Cyber Love Story series.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and is the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and share your story at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
I have an online dating question and would love your opinion on this recent emailed dating exchange of mine, on OK Cupid…
Me: How old are you really? (Does anyone here tell the truth about his/her age? I mean, besides me.)
Her: How old am I really? I won’t read into this, I’ll just go with it: I’m really not whatever it was I said I was, ha! My photos are recent; age is not something by which I live my life; and I often get mistaken for my daughters’ sister when we’re out together. I don’t look 26 but I don’t look or live like I’m the 50-something I copped to in my profile.
(How’s that for evading the answer? Her profile says she’s 51, but she obviously is not comfortable revealing her exact age to me. Should I drop it or press it? Is it too sensitive a topic to expect the truth, even if I myself am truthful? I’ve met women before who’ve revealed they’re as much as 15 years older than the ages they’ve indicated on their dating profiles. And I’m not comfortable or sufficiently evolved enough to date someone who’s 66, even if she is mistaken for her daughter. Thoughts?)
Here’s my take on his dating dilemma.
Women are often very sensitive and about their age and will lie about their age to fit into a search on their Internet dating profiles. Call it a double-standard, but they expect the man to be honest about his age.
Most women won’t even engage in conversation when questioned and will evade the subject. They’ll get offended if you ask what her age is, so I’d say it’s an off-limits subject early on.
When a man used to ask me about my age, I would smile and be coy and say, “It’s not polite to ask a lady her age.” This practice goes back to early etiquette days, long before online dating became part of everyday life for singles. Even my grandmother wouldn’t reveal her true age when asked.
Know that physical attraction and chemistry are important. Either a guy will be attracted to someone’s actual photos or to the woman when he meets her in person, or he won’t. I say you should never judge someone by their age and respect her desire to be private about her age until she is comfortable in sharing it. Many women past the age of 40 believe they need to lie about their age to attract a man. They realize that men are interested in dating younger, at least while searching online.
I think your potential date was being polite and sweet by saying, “I’ll just go with it.” If her photos are recent it should be enough. She obviously wants to continue to communicate with you and tried to set a boundary where it comes to age.
Think about how disappointed you would be if you were really attracted to someone, thought you both had a lot in common, had a friendly banter via email, and a phone call or two. It looked promising until…. you asked her if her age was accurate. She gets upset, cancels the date and you never meet.
Often if you meet someone out at a party or gathering and strike up a conversation, you won’t ask her what her age is, because it doesn’t matter. I’m not promoting lying whatsoever, as I encourage everyone to be honest about their age. If they fudge, I recommend they post something in their profile or at least tell someone on the first date the truth.
My best advice is to drop the age question. You don’t know that she’s 66 and you don’t know that she’s 55. You just know that you might be interested in her and are curious about her real age. If you meet and connect, eventually she’ll tell you the truth about her age. If you’re smitten with her, you won’t mind if it’s 5 years more than you had originally thought. Give her a chance and if you think she’s pretty, let her know. Women love to be flattered and don’t like to feel like their being interviewed or in a deposition.
Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira? Submit your questions here:
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and like at on Facebook.
Photo credit: Fotolia
If you’re busy sending emails to potential dates online and are frustrated with the lack of response, our friends at online dating site Zoosk have come up with some simple suggestions on how to move the process along in their “7-Step Guide to Landing a Date.”
Here’s a recap, along with a cool infographic to help ramp up your Internet dating life so you can meet that special someone offline.
1. Add a date activity to show someone you really do want to go on a date.
In a recent survey of 3000 of their members, Zoosk found that mentioning movies as a favorite activity in you profile and even suggesting a movie date increases your response rate to your email messages by 91%. Yes that’s a big number and one worth viewing film trailers for. Other keywords included the beach (59%) and a park (39%).
2. Send emails in the morning if you’re a man; in the evening if you’re a woman.
Guys will increase their chances of a response by 10% if they send emails between 9am and 10am, while the best time for women to send email messages is between 10pm and 11pm. So ladies, send that flirty email and go to sleep with a smile on your face and avoid sending an email from 2pm – 3pm.
3. Respond within 24 hours.
As for when you should respond to an email, 94% of those surveyed said within 24 hours. I have to agree with this one. Remember when someone is emailing you, they’re sending emails to many others at the same time. Often the squeaky wheel gets the love deal, so playing too hard to get will likely backfire.
4. Focus on what makes you unique.
If you want to stand out in a crowded digital playground, talk about your date’s hair, their gorgeous eyes, fun or geeky glasses, and even their tattoo. Remember to be fun and flirty. Stay away from the sexual comments, which received a digital thumbs down from Zooskers.
One of the biggest challenges I see singles struggling with is what to write in their first email. First impressions do really matter and your email should be more than, “hey.” Here are a few interesting tidbits.
5. Character count matters.
Guys didn’t seem to care how long the first message was from a woman, but 40% of the women did indeed want to see a message that was longer than a full-length tweet of 140 characters.
6. Expect to send 5 emails.
Finally, how long will it take to get to the first date? About half of the singles polled said they send 5 email exchanges before putting his or her name on their date card.
7. Schedule your first date.
If you follow this plan, you should be filling up your date card and taking your relationship offline.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Are you using any of these tips while looking for love online?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter
It was an honor and joy to be invited to Match.com’s headquarters in Dallas with the top relationship experts in the country.
After a full day of meeting with their executives, we finished the day with an interview on our top dating tips for a first great date.
From what to wear to where to go, we hope you enjoy our video below.
Questions we answered included:
1. First date: Coffee Drinks or Dinner?
2. Should you dress up or down?
3. Is it a group date or a real date?
4. Do you leave early if there are no sparks on a date?
5. Who pays for the first date?
6. Mamas boys: runs or cuddle?
7. One question you should always ask on a first date?
Enjoy our video and post your comments as well.
What are your first date tips and deal breakers?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Online Dating Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
This week, we’re excited to share a post for women daters from our guest blogger, Joshua Pompey.
Finding a quality man on the Internet isn’t always easy. Sure, they’re out there in large quantities, but trying to distinguish between the good ones and bad ones can be daunting. One false move and you could wind up on a date with yet another serial dater.
I’m here to tell you not to worry. Know that finding a quality man online isn’t as tough as you might think.
Let’s take a look at the five signs you are talking to a great guy online.
1. His photo gallery tells the right visual story. Some men will write profiles and emails that seem to good to be true. These men are interesting, charming, and fun to talk to, but do his photos match the image he’s portraying, or are they filled with four similar pictures by himself in his room? Men with a lot to offer usually have a vast amount of life experiences and will show them off in many ways throughout their photo gallery. The more pictures you see of a man with friends, co-workers, family members, and on random adventures, the more likely this man is someone interesting and worth pursuing.
2. His first email is unique, fun, and engaging. ??You may be attracted to his photos and you may even like this unique profile. However it appears that he copied and pasted the same message to twenty other women that day. Spammed emails are a huge sign that you are dealing with a potential serial dater, a man who is just not that interesting, or is just lazy. If his email is personalized, he just might be a great guy.
3. His profile is positive. ??A man worth engaging with online is a man who is happy with his life. Any profile that is filled with negativity or qualities of what a man doesn’t want in a woman, is a red flag that the man might be jaded, not all that happy, or a negative person in general. If you avoid the negative profiles, you’ll find someone who appears to be happy with his life.
4. He won’t say,“I’ll tell you later” in his profile. Any man that takes online dating seriously is going to put a lot of effort into the creation of his profile and fill it out completely. This is because he will actually want to find someone to be in a serious relationship with. A man with a half-blank profile may be sending a message that he has something to hide.
5. He doesn’t log on all day long.?Do you want to know why some men log in every five seconds? Because they are talking to tons of women online. Chances are he might be a serial dater. Quality men don’t have time to log on dating sites all day long. They’re busy with work or their active lives.
What quality traits do you find in a man while looking for love online?
Joshua Pompey has been helping online daters to succeed through his products and services at a success rate of over 99% since 2009. For more information visit https://jpompey.com/ladies/online-dating-advice/ for free dating advice.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Online dating safety is something that everyone needs to be concerned with. At Cyber-Dating Expert, we take safety seriously and are always sharing ways for you to feel safe and enjoy the Internet dating experience.
In Louisiana, three stories occurred this month involving people who met online dating, social networking sites that resulting in hijacking and other crimes such as a robbery in a car.
In one case, a man went to his car to meet a potential date, and instead of finding the woman, ten men were there, which resulted in a carjacking.
I spent the morning on the radio on WWL AM/FM in New Orleans to provide dating safety tips to help prevent such occurrences.
While these occurrences are rare, it’s still important to point out the following, whether dating online or offline.
1. Meet in a public place and don’t pick up your date.
2. Don’t give out your last name or information where you work
3. Let a friend know where you are meeting and call in or text to let them know you’re fine
4. Don’t suggest a late night date
5. Never go back to someone’s home on a first date
6. Avoid drinking a lot of alcohol, which will impair your judgment
7. Carry pepper spray on your key chain for when you’re walking to your car at night
8. Conduct a Google search for your date’s name, phone number, and email addresss
9. View your date’s profile photos in a Google reverse image search by uploading it to Google.com/images
10. Do a background or people search for your date on sites such as Radaris or Spokeo
11. Set up a free Google voice account with a number exclusively for dating
12. If you’re uncomfortable for any reason, leave
13. If your date makes you feel unsafe online or offline, report their profile to the dating site
14. Take your time getting to know someone on the phone and through emails before meeting
15. Trust your intuition
Realize that while maybe 10% of your dates might not be truthful or may have ulterior motives, about 90% of the dates are truly great people looking to connect. There are millions of singles finding love online. Keep these safety tips in mind as you schedule your dates, but still enjoy the time getting to know someone.
For the past three years, OkTrends has gone into silence mode. Today, Rudder revealed data from their Internet dating user base showing that looks aren’t always what counts when it comes to communicating in an online dating site. Rudder announced, “We Experiment On Human Beings” as the title of the long-awaited post.
From OkCupid’s day of hiding photos, to suggestions of a higher percentage for a potential match, one thing we know for sure, the algorithms do have an impact while looking for love online.
Let’s take a look at the three different experiments.
1. Love is Blind, Or Should Be
On the 10th anniversary of OkCupid, they launched Crazy Blind Date, a mobile app. The basis of this was that you’d meet someone who’s face had been “mashed up” like a puzzle, so you didn’t know what they looked like. In celebration, OkCupid spent one day mashing up all of their members in an experiment, only to find that 44% of those wrote 1st messages to people, of which they had no idea what they looked like.
2. So What’s a Picture Worth?
OkCupid previously let users rate profiles based on looks and personality. Eventually, they changed it to rating based on looks only. What they found is that only 10% of people rated a profile based on it’s text. Does that mean that 90% of people rate profiles based on looks only? Understandably so. This is why all of the mobile dating apps have been so popular and game-like.
3. The Power of Suggestion
As a Digital Matchmaker, I spend hours-and-hours every day analyzing profiles to find the perfect match for my clients. They have to go by my word and recommendation to write to or respond to a flurry of potential dates because I strongly advised them to do so. This has resulted in singles dating outside their social circles and meeting men or women that they didn’t think was their type.
OkCupid seems to agree. By changing the suggested recommendations from one with a low match percentage to a higher match percentage, their users started to communicate with people that weren’t necessarily a match, based on the algorithms. Were they playing with your digital mind? Just a bit.
Time reports that Rudder will be back to business posting on the OkTrends blog every four weeks while waiting for his book Dataclysm: Who We Are to be released in September.
Are you rating profiles based on looks alone? Do percentages matter to you? Your comments are welcome.
Photo credit: Fotolia
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Ladies: Are you wondering how to shine online to attract more men? Are you spending time at the makeup counter before going on a date? Do you want to look like a celebrity on the Red Carpet or go with the natural look on a date?
Before you grab that lip plumper, know that online and offline attraction does vary according to the men.
In a recent survey by online dating site Zoosk, 1850 male daters were asked to compare photos of Kim Kardashian, Beyonce, Jessica Simpson, and Jennifer Lawrence, with and without makeup. Then they were asked how they felt about the women they date, with or without the glam. The results and disconnect between their online and offline behaviors will surprise you.
Surprisingly so, the majority of the guys stated that they preferred Jessica Alba, makeup free (77%) as compared to giving the thumbs up for Kim Kardashian, all glammed up. (23%).
While viewing photos of Jennifer Lawrence made up in “American Hustle” as compared to a natural look, Zooskers voted in favor of the natural look (54%) as compared to the American Hustle photo with bright red lipstick (46%).
When asked if Jessica Simpson looked better with or without makeup on, 57% of the men preferred her natural look.
So how does this relate to real life dating and mens thoughts on hair and makeup?
The survey shows that men prefer a natural look with the women they are dating. Fifty-seven percent of men gave the thumbs down to red lipstick and 67% weren’t fond of dark eye shadow.
When it comes to hairstyle, 81% voted for a relaxed and natural look, with only 9% preferring pin-straight hair. Does this mean it’s time to toss out the flat iron?
Now let’s take a digital look at how men select women while viewing thousands of online dating profiles.
Zoosk’s data shows the complete opposite viewpoint to hair and makeup, where men were dramatically selecting women wearing more makeup, more eye shadow, and more lipstick in their photos.
Here are some numbers worth blinking a digital eye to:
- Women who wear eye makeup receive 139% more first messages than women who don’t.
- Men are 65% more likely to want to meet a woman if she wears eye makeup in her profile picture.
- Women who wear lipstick in their profile photo get 119% more first messages than those who don’t.
- Men are 38% more likely to want to meet a woman if she’s wearing lipstick in her profile photo.
- Woman wearing blush receive 24% more first messages than those who don’t.
- Men are 19% more likely to want to meet a woman if she’s wearing blush than if she’s not.
All in all, women who wore some form of makeup received more than three times as many messages as those who didn’t.
It may not be time to dig out your prom or glamour shots, but taking the extra time to look your best in your photos instead of posting the ‘selfie’ from last night’s party might be a wise idea.
After all, you’re auditioning for the job of a lifetime; possible girlfriend or wife.
Ladies, do you prefer a more natural look sans makeup? Do you need help to look your best on a date? I’m here to help you. Find out more here.
Your thoughts and comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and coaches singles on the dating scene to help them find love online and IRL. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.