Our Quote of the Day was inspired by Plato.

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.”

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira for dating advice on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and sign up for our FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Find out how Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date!

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Match tells us things will be heating up this summer online, specifically on June 27th, the busiest day of the summer. They asked me to write a post for their blog with some tips to freshen up your online dating profile for summer.

As someone who’s been creating dating profiles for two decades, I can tell you that neglecting to refresh your profile and keeping it stagnant might result in an empty date card. Ouch. It’s summer and you should be having fun, right?

Since you switch your wardrobes for the summer season (out with the wool and in with the white), let’s do the same with a digital facelift for your online dating and mobile dating profile photos.

Photos

Men and women are visual creatures by nature, it’s just a fact of life! The first thing we see about anyone is their face, so profiles without even one photo will be passed over in a digital moment.

1. What’s the number? Besides your main profile photo, you should have a handful of other pictures that depict you in different settings and showcase your personality. In my opinion, five is the magic number of photos to upload to your profile. Four to six is perfect. Anymore, post them on social media instead. Any less, and someone will wonder what you’re hiding.
2. Grab a BFF and Have a Photo Party. Don’t like taking pictures of yourself or find it impossible to decide on the best pictures of you? One fun and easy way to snap more pictures of yourself is to grab a best friend and either a digital camera or high quality smartphone camera. Then, put on a your own fashion show by shopping in your closet and picking out 3-5 great outfits that make you feel your best!
3. Use Social Media Photos. Another tip is to head over to your Facebook profile and grab your best, smiling/happy pictures to add to your dating profile. Make sure to caption the photos with the location and date the photo was taken so members will know they’re recent.

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4. Wear red! For the ladies, you should ditch the little black dress so you don’t look like every other profile photo. Research from the University of Rochester has shown that photos of women wearing red get more views and more dates than any other color. Red is the color of love and passion, so it’s a no-brainer!

5. Ditch the selfies. We are dating in a selfie-crazed world, so it’s more than normal for your Instagram feed to be loaded with fun selfies. However, for your dating profile, selfies don’t always make you look your best or most social. Have someone you trust to hold your phone when you have the urge to take a selfie for dating profile purposes.

6. Look to the left. Studies have shown that when you look to your left, your best emotions will shine. However, if you’re looking to the right in your favorite photo, that’s no problem! Just use some photo editing software or a simple photo editing app to reverse the image to get a left side-facing photo.

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7. Wear summery outfits. Find something fun, colorful, and summer-like to wear in your profile shots. A well-fitted t-shirt and jeans works well for the guys, whereas ladies do best in a flirty sundress. To speak more to the season, take down the snow skiing shots and replace them with photos that show summer-based activities, like water skiing or lounging by the pool. That said, try to avoid posting any sort of swimsuit picture — you don’t want to show too much too soon.

To read the full post with more tips, check Match.com’s blog here!

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and as an early adopter of online dating, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.  Julie ranks as the most influential person in “dating” and “online dating” in social media. Follow her @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

In a recent interview on Chicago’s WCKG Radio, I was a guest with Eddie V to talk about online dating, ghosting,  and finding love in the digital age.

You can listen to the segment here or read the transcript below.

Eddie V: Well welcome to the show!

Julie: Hi, great to be here.

Eddie V: Thank you for joining us. Julie is an expert on online dating. You have websites and blogs and everything else, is that right?

Julie: And all that good stuff, yes. CyberDatingExpert.com is where people can get free dating advice and also sign up for my Weekly Flirt if they need more dating advice.

Eddie V: CyberDatingExpert.com. And I follow you on Twitter at @JulieSpira. Spelled S-P-I-R-A, but it’s pronounced “Spy-ruh.” I you say “Spear-uh” she’ll send 6 billion volts down the line and blow up your computer.

Julie: Oh, ouch!

Eddie V: No, you wouldn’t do that. So we’re glad to have you on, you and I talked on a podcast once before. People are overwhelmingly dating online and meeting and hooking up ’cause it’s easy and modern way of doing things. It comes with perils and pratfalls and whatever else. Is that not right?

Julie: You know there are some good dates, there are some bad dates, but more often than not, people get frustrated with that one- and-done dating. And they go on that one bad date and they’re like “maybe I don’t want to do this again,” but after a while, they’ll fill up their date cards and go out and I think it’s a fun way to meet people as long as you don’t look at each date as having to be “the one.” That’s way too much pressure.

Eddie V: Well a lot of people are frustrated, but their expectations are too high, right?

Julie: Everyone’s expectations are high, but the same point, we really need to practice truth-in-advertising. So if you have an online dating profile, please ditch those old prom shots. If you don’t look like the girl in the photo or if you’ve gained weight or your hair is gray in one photo and brown in another – show somebody what you look like today because guess what? They’re going to hop over to Facebook and Instagram and see what you look like in real time. So just be authentic so that you don’t have a bad dating experience.

Eddie V: I have never understood that – why somebody would put up a picture that’s not representative, knowing that they’re going to see this person. You know, they’re going to walk in and the chances are, if you don’t resemble that picture, they may just turn and bolt before they even get to the table.

Julie: Very true, and you don’t want to see that frown on their face. So the point is, I remember talking to one gentleman who was very excited about a woman he met who only had a close up head and shoulders shot, and he was new to dating so he didn’t realize that you need to have that full length body shot. He went to pick her up at the airport and she was at least 100 pounds more than what he thought, and it wasn’t a good experience. Other people actually walk out on their dates, so don’t be the one that someone walks out on.

Eddie V: I hate when people misrepresent. For instance, as a billionaire, I was flying my private jet and I had to take a cab to get to the restaurant and this woman didn’t believe me at all! I’m actually married. I’ve been married since before the cyber dating thing kicked in, so I’m not a real expert here, let’s talk about the horror stories – things that you’ve heard that have gone really wrong on some of these set up dates.

Julie: Well this is really interesting. It was just in the Sunday paper. The Times Free Press had a story that I was quoted in and there was a case where a woman on a very first date, a first online date, asked the guy to escort her to her grandmother’s funeral. And to make matters worse, she asked him to pretend to be a long time boyfriend so she wasn’t showing up with a date that nobody knew, so she wanted to pretend that they’d been dating a while. They never got to a second date.

Eddie V: That’s like the uh, there’s an Enterprise Rent a Car commercial like that where she asks the Enterprise guy to pretend to be her date. What else has happened? I know there’s awful stories that end with not funny endings.

Julie: Well, safety is important and everyone wants to feel safe, both online and offline, so I always recommend that singles meet in a public place and have a buddy and tell your girl friend or guys you hang out with the name of the person you’re meeting, their cellphone number, their Instagram name and name on any one of the websites you were on, and where you’re going. This way you can check in with them – take a bathroom break and let them know that you’re doing okay.

Eddie V: Yeah, I have divorced friends that are bouncing around and meeting up with these people and they’re not very happy. How would you say the percentage of guys on any given dating site are looking for one night stands but pretend to be looking for the right one? Is it high?

Julie: A LOT. But here’s the thing, online dating has grown so much in popularity. A recent PEW Internet Research Study showed that actually a demographic of 18-24 year olds, that went up by 400% in the last two years. So we are probably getting more millennials that are hooking up and ghosting and people that are looking for a more serious committed relationship, that perhaps just got divorced and are looking for somebody to share their life with.

Eddie V: Ah, ghosting. That’s the thing we’ve been talking about. We’ll get to that in just a little bit. What are the top sites, would you say, that people hook up on these days?

Related: Why You Won’t Delete Tinder When You’ve Found The One

Julie: Well everybody’s talking about Tinder, swiping right, or dating in a Tinder world. So Tinder has really become a huge, huge mobile dating app because it originally started and got popular on college campuses. The original people that were members of Tinder swiping right and left were millennials. Even my mother says, “What’s Tinder?” My mother’s not single, but she still asked me what Tinder was and I don’t think my mother wants to date as a grandma. So I would say that people that want to hook up, please do us a favor and say so on your profile. Go on a mobile app and say you’re not looking for anything serious, just looking for something casual or be really blunt and say “looking for a hookup” because there are women that want to hook up as well. Go ahead and find each other, but don’t pretend that you want to be Prince Charming or the knight in white armor, then basically come in at the end of the date and say let’s hook up. If that’s not what you want, just let somebody else swipe right on that particular profile.

Eddie V: This is very basic, but for people that don’t know, explain “swipe right” and “swipe left.”

Julie: I most certainly will. So what’s happens on mobile phones, whether you’re using it for dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, or even Match.com’s app or OKCupid, a lot of them give you the opportunity to look at a profile. When you look at a photo of someone, you can click on it and read their bio, or you can just swipe right with your thumb – and that means “Yes, I’m interested” – or you swipe left, and that sends the message that “No, I’m not interested.” And if you swipe left, they go into Internet Heaven and they disappear permanently.

Eddie V: So it’s like blocking them if you swipe left.

Julie: If you swipe left they go away, and you have to be a mutual match – you both need to swipe right – before you can start a conversation or a chat.

Related: Bumble Now Makes Men Reply or Match Disappears

Eddie: Okay. I follow a certain account on Instagram that is one of those “Bye Felipe” things where these guys continue to bug women. So maybe they’ve had one date then they keep coming after them like “you weren’t so hot anyway,” is that from Tinder or is that not? If I wasn’t interested, I’d definitely swipe left and obliterate the person.

Julie: It’s really interesting, there’s stories of people who swipe left on someone because they weren’t interested and then the person tracked them down somehow on Facebook and said “You didn’t swipe right on me on Tinder. Why?” There are so many ways that you can actually connect with someone, between texting and Tinder, and Facebook and Snapchat, social media, and of course, WhatsApp, there’s so many ways to check up on someone to see if they’re swiping right or left, or even the last time they logged on.

Eddie V: So would it maybe be a good idea to just have a first name and a last letter or something and not use the same picture for Tinder as you do on Facebook?

Julie: Well the way Tinder works, is it DOES give a first name and a last initial, so I would be displayed as Julie S. if I was on Tinder. So you don’t know my last name, but if you look at the profile they will show you which friends on Facebook you have in common. As a result, you can become a cyber sleuth to be polite, or you can become a cyber stalker and go “We have that friend in common” and going to my friend’s page and seeing if there’s a girl named Julie, and boom there she is. I’m going to track her down. Guys, don’t do it. We want to feel safe.

Eddie V: So what is Bumble? I haven’t heard of that, but like I said, I’m not in this scene. What’s the difference between Tinder and Bumble?

Julie: I love Bumble! Bumble is really a lot of fun. The way Bumble works, and it’s very similar to Tinder, where you can swipe right if you’re interested and swipe left if you’re not. But they have an interesting twist to it. I call it the Sadie Hawkins of digital dating – the woman makes the first move. So if I’m on Bumble and you look great, I swipe right, and you cannot even find out about me until I’ve already approved you. And this gives women some sort of control, and guys like it as well. And the reason guys like it is because they’re so tired of swiping right on basically everyone, it’s a numbers game, and having nobody reply to them. So if a woman swipes right on someone on Bumble, then the man is notified. He already knows there’s a really good chance that if he writes to her, she will write back. So that’s a great thing about Bumble. One feature they have is that you can shake your phone to go back. What happens if you swipe left by mistake? You shake your phone and boom! you get that match back.

Eddie V: Oh, okay. And some people might say that’s sexist, but let’s face it, men tend to be the aggressors and the stalkers. And it works both ways, but men tend to be more gnarly when they come after you, so I like that. I like the option that the women have with Bumble. Alright, well we want to talk about ghosting. Can you hang on through the break here? People are going to love this because it’s happening everywhere and it’s happened to a bunch of our listeners. It’s Julie Spira from CyberDatingExpert.com and she’s on Facebook as Julie Spira, and @JulieSpira on Twitter. Am I right about that?

Julie: That’s right!

Eddie V: Alright, we’ll be right back. It’s Eddie V on WCGK. We’ll have more in a second.

(break)

Eddie V: We’re live in LA talking to Julie Spira. She has relatives in, did you say, Highland Park?

Julie: Yes, Highland Park.

Eddie V: I can see Highland Park from my window!

Julie: Wave hello to my cousins.

Eddie V: She’s the online cyber dating expert. CyberDatingExpert.com, and you have a book out! Just released is that right?

Julie: Yes! We recently re-released The Perils of Cyber Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and it’s filled with my juicy stories about my romantic journey of trying to replace the love of my life with an Internet mate.

Eddie V: Did you meet your boyfriend online?

Julie: Well, the love of my life, actually, I met him offline. But after 16 years apart, he found me on Facebook and came back for me. And that’s part of the epilogue and it’s a very, very sweet story for any hopeful romantic. There’s an audiobook version. We went into the studio and we had a great time in the studio recording it for Audible. It’s on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and in bookstores.

Eddie: And what is it called again?

Julie: The Perils of Cyber Dating!

Eddie: Alright! We’ll look for it. So let’s talk about ghosting. Tell people what ghosting is.

Related: Confused: Is he Ghosting?

Julie: Ouch, okay. I’m sure many of you have been ghosted, maybe you didn’t even know that’s what it’s called. But when it’s time to call it quits these days, daters are disappearing – they’re just going MIA. You may have been in bed with them last night, and then they went completely off the radar, no text, block you on Facebook, and they just completely disappear. So what’s happening is breaking up isn’t hard to do anymore. A person just disappears digitally and they find it to be acceptable. And I don’t.

Eddie: Well here’s the thing, they used to say how horrible it was back in the day of breaking up by phone, but nowadays, yeah, ghosting is just where you flat out vanish. And if they’ve not been to your house, say you’ve only met them for a date somewhere, social media allows you to delete, block, even today’s modern cell phones you can block their calls. You can stop them from ever contacting you again, and basically, you become a ghost.

Julie: Ghosting has become a cultural phenomenon and a dating epidemic. These days, being ghosted is today’s dating world’s vanishing act. And you never know why. So the person who’s gotten ghosted, they don’t have closure and they’re wondering “Did I say something wrong?” “Did I appear too needy?” “Did I ask for commitment to fast?” “Did I sleep with him too fast?” And they sit there and they agonize over why the person disappeared and ghosted them.

Eddie V: And online it’s just a complete and utter lack of backbone that guys have, right?

Julie: Yeah, it’s really not a good thing to do. Here are some interesting tidbits – PlentyOfFish, very big, large free dating site that’s been around for a while, did a survey that came out about two months ago that showed that 80% of millennials between the ages of 18 to 33 have been ghosted. Which means they were dating somebody and all the communications just completely disappeared, no explanation.

Eddie V: Wow, what was that percentage? 80%?

Julie: Almost 80% of the millennials 18 to 33 have been ghosted or have ghosted someone. Those are big numbers.

Eddie V: Part of it is that they’ve been raised in social media times. That’s how you communicate, there’s not a lot of face to face. I’m a teacher at Illinois media school and you’ll occasionally find a few students that have been raised in front of their computer that are like geniuses, but they can’t hold a conversation face to face with you. There’s a lot of that going around.

Julie: You see it whenever you go to restaurants and families don’t talk to each other because they’re all talking on the phone. But I read something in the news about a fiancé who ghosted the bride two weeks before the wedding.

Eddie V: She had to know where he lived right?

Julie: He later resurfaced in Thailand.

Eddie V: Ohhhh, so he flat out moved!

Julie: He flat out left. Other country, other passport, who knows? But at the end of the day, this girl thought she was walking down the aisle, and he didn’t have the courage to break up with her in person. Not even in an email.

Eddie V: That’s just loss of human dignities, skills, and decency at this point. I mean, come on. That’s society decaying.

Julie: And it’s not just for everyday people. Ghosting’s been in the news for celebrities. Charlize Theron said she never ghosted Sean Penn, it became a big news story. Olivia Wilde said that she actually ghosted Jason Sudeikis after they first met. Everybody’s ghosting, but it’s not right.

Eddie V: No, it’s not. I don’t understand. Let me ask you about specific kinds of dating sites. Is that a good thing? SerialKiller.com – alright that’s a bad example. (to co-host) What did you call the one? Farmers?

Co-host: Farmers Only.

Julie: FarmersOnly.com – if you want to date a farmer, that’s where you go.

Eddie V: JDate is for Jewish people. Can you think of some other ones?

Julie: Christian Mingle. It’s also owned by the same people that own JDate. You’ve got OKCupid, one of my favorite sites that I really enjoy recommending. Match.com – it’s been around a long time.

Eddie V: Is OKCupid a specific kind of thing, or what?

Julie: No, OKCupid is a free site and it’s very, very simple to use. They also have a mobile app and it’s very easy to create a profile, it’s very simple, and start dating and communicating with people. But the interesting thing with OKCupid is if the date goes south, you have the opportunity to block the person where they can’t actually view your profile.

Eddie V: Kind of a form of ghosting ha ha.

Julie: It’s like saying “I wasn’t interested.”

Eddie V: Yeah, I guess. It’s still kind of taking the easy way out instead of telling them “You know what, I had a good time, but I just didn’t think this was working out.” What are some other specific ones?

Co-host: Black People Meet.

Eddie V: Black People Meet? Oh, okay.

Julie: We call these niche sites – those that are based on race or religion or farming or vegetarian sites or sites for pet lovers. There’s basically a site for just about everyone, and you just need to find the right site for you. So my number one recommendation is to try three sites. One large one like eHarmony, Match.com or PlentyOfFish, or try a niche site and see which one you actually connect with people or that you enjoy using the most.

14 Niche and Nutty Dating Sites

Eddie V: People might laugh about something like vegetarian or whatever, but it would make your going out to dinner choices a lot easier. There’s nothing worse than, like, “I’m going to take you to a nice steak place.” “I don’t eat meat.”

Julie: “Oops, sorry, I’m a vegan.” You don’t want to have those problems, you want to find something in common. And for someone who is a vegan, dating another vegan because they like to cook together and dine together, is really important. So you put it in your profile anywhere on a regular, mainstream site, such as Match.com, eHarmony or PlentyOfFish, and you also join a site that is specific for vegans.

Eddie V: Are there any sites that are specifically for hookups? Probably Craigslist!

Julie: I don’t recommend hookups. You won’t hear those words out of my mouth.

Eddie V: Yeah, no. Hey, by the way, before we get out, I want a couple more horror stories. For people that have had a bad experience, I want them to think that theirs couldn’t possibly be the worst once they hear yours.

Julie: Well, some of the stories that I shared in my book – there was one that was really kind of disturbing. I went on a date with someone, a long time ago, and we went to a lovely café and all of the sudden, he looked at me oddly and said very, very calmly, at first, “You look like my dead wife.” I didn’t know what to say. And I just kind of went “Oh, I’m sorry.” He didn’t stop. He kept saying “No, you look like my dead wife!” And then he started to get agitated, he must’ve yelled it. He stood up in the restaurant and said “She looks like my dead wife!” And he pulls out a picture of his recently deceased wife, and she did sort of look like she could’ve been my sister, but it was really an embarrassing moment.

Eddie V: Oh, this happened to you? Oh, man.

Julie: Me, it’s in the book.

Eddie V: Oh, wow.

Julie: He’s in the chapter called “The New York Transplant.”

Eddie V: Alright, it’s available – one more time, the name of the book is…?

Julie: The Perils of Cyber Dating.

Eddie V: The Perils of Cyber Dating. She’s Julie Spira and she’s on CyberDatingExpert.com and hopefully on the show again a lot of times ’cause you never know if these guys are gonna break up with these long term girlfriends now that they’re big radio stars.

Julie: Thanks for having me. It’s been a blast.

Eddie V: Alright, Julie, thank you very much. I’ll send you the link this whole thing so we can repost it ’cause that’s what we do. Julie Spira on WCGK.

Listen to the link here:

Need some hand holding? Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

When the phone rings and someone calls to say they’re heartbroken and can’t imagine their life without the person who is gone, it’s my job to give them hope and to explain how the heart does heal in time.

Today’s quote was inspired by a coaching call with a woman who said her heart was completely broken. It had been shattered and she couldn’t imagine how she could go on with such an empty heart.

I explained to her that the heart fills up and depletes on a daily basis. You see the heart can’t be completely empty, or you wouldn’t have the ability to love your children, family, and friends at all if this was the case. You wouldn’t even be able to breathe, but you still can.

The heart fills up and depletes on a daily basis

The heart can be overflowing with love and joy when you first meet someone and you’re in the honeymoon phase. It’s so exciting you feel like it’s about to burst. Although it feels that way, it will not be bursting. You will be in a state of euphoria and often it’s temporary, for even those we love with all of our hearts, we go through phases of questioning the relationship, phases of disappointment or resentment when our needs aren’t being met, and then bounce back when we are in a state of joy again. It’s like a wave. There’s an ebb and flow to the wave as it comes crashing into the shore, each time reaching a different point on the sand or rocks.

Related: Irresistible Profiles to Help You Find Love

When it comes to matters of the heart, all forms of logic are tossed out the window. The stage of first love, early love and the pitter-patter of the heart feelings are real and when they are experienced, there’s nothing better.

So if you find that your relationship isn’t as fulfilling and that your heart is questioning it, it’s natural. Every day doesn’t have an overflowing heart, but it should have an appreciative heart. One that allows you to grow with an individual and to grow on your own.

You see, people are falling in love over and over again with their partner. There are different types of love, whether it’s lust, friendship, companionship, romantic love, or a deep passion. All of these types of feelings do exist with the same person. If a relationship can’t move past the three week or three month mark, then you were really existing in the lust phase only.

The heart is meant to last and move.

You see the heart is meant to last and move. It beats. You breathe in and you breathe out. Sometimes you can’t imagine anyone else in your life but the person you love or loved so deeply. Other times you wonder how any one person can decide on how full your heart should be. That’s more realistic.

The point here is when you’re unsure of your relationship or if your heart is hurting, know that it is temporary. The universe is like a vacuum. In time, the heart will fill up again. For some slowly, for others it can be rather quickly.

Related: Gone Fishing or Is it Over

To achieve the ultimate feeling of love, let the heart fill with your own personal joy to the point that anyone who joins you in this game of life is joining your already fully loved heart. Keep smiling as that will attract new people to you.  Know that you are always loved, even when you’re not sure you’re feeling it.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

P.S. If you need some hand holding, find out how Irresistible Coaching can help you get back on the dating saddle.

Related: 20 Flirty Text Messages to Capture His Heart

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades. For dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” ~Albert Ellis

I’ve always said, “The squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.” There’s so much truth to that with online dating or mobile dating apps. There’s a fine line between being needy and sending too many emails, to checking in again with someone who didn’t respond a week or two later.

You see, women get bombarded with emails and messages from guys. Guys know that, so they send a large quantity of messages or swipe right on just about everyone since it’s a numbers game.

The way it works, is to be proactive with your love life. Don’t sit around and wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to appear and sweep you off your feet. Give someone a chance if they make the effort to try to get your attention. Even if there’s no chemistry with them, you might make a new friend or perhaps can introduce hi or her to someone you know who would be a better fit.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @Julie Spira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Find out how our Irresistible Profiles Dating Coaching Programs will help YOU find love.

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Meet Steph and Mark who found love on Tinder.

About six month’s after Steph’s divorce was final, she decided to sign up for Match.  She realized that dating via the night scene was not working for her, so after a friend had told her she joined Match, Steph followed suit.

After reading the Cyber-Dating Expert blog, Steph decided it was time to give Tinder a try.

Here’s her Tinder love story, in her words.

I met many wonderful men who were not for me.  I had a few minor heartaches as I learned more about myself and what I thought I needed.  By the time October rolled around, I was feeling less than positive about all dating. I was going through the motions of keeping up my profile, answering emails, etc.  I  pushed back on every inquiry.

Related: These Jobs Get the Most Right Swipes on Tinder

Late October 5, 2015, I swiped right and matched with Mark.  At 10:45 am, October 6th, I made a move to try to weed this one out:

Mark was so nice and returned my Boston attitude with kindness.  So I decided to give this a shot.  We quickly moved to phone texting and talking. Mark asked me to go to dinner.  On Sunday, October 11th, we met in Buckhead. He pulled up on a busy street.  I looked in his car and thought, “oh boy, I am in trouble!”

Mark, newly divorced after 25 years, joined Tinder because of the safety of “virtual” vetting and the seemingly abundant options on that app in this area.  On paper, Mark and I didn’t match.  I thought I needed a city guy with a like attitude who can handle me.  He never considered  a “Yankee” as a partner.

Related: Matt and Alee: They Met on Tinder

On our own, we may have rejected the thought of dating each other.  Through Tinder, we learned more about ourselves and what is truly important in our lives.  We have both come to understand that the similarities we share in humor, faith, family values, mutual support and reciprocity are what drives our desire to meld our worlds, not our ethnicity or where we were born.

I couldn’t be happier to be proven wrong by a dating app. The last five months have been a joy learning to love again.  We both look forward to the days to come, and we are grateful for the “right swipe.”

Congratulations to Steph and Mark who prove you can find love on Tinder by Swiping Right.

Send us your story and we might feature YOU in our Cyber Love Story series.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Find out how Irresistible Coaching can help you find your dream date.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Whether you’re stuck on an ex, upset with your significant other, or still hurting from a recent breakup, it’s time to get over it.

March 9 is National Get Over It Day, so it’s the perfect time to let go of any anger, disappointment, hurt, rejection, or stress in your life – all of which can be caused by holding on to the scattered remains of an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.

If you’re worried you might be the only one to ever get hung up on an ex, you’re not alone. National Get Over It Day was created by Jeff Goldblatt in 2005 after he was having a lot of trouble getting over his ex-girlfriend.

How can you get over your ex?

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we’re here to help with these 5 tips.

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1. Spend Time With Friends

You may think being alone is the best way for you to deal with your feelings, but isolating yourself will only make it worse. Get out of bed, get your hair and nails done, go on a hike, and be with those who love you, regardless of your relationship status.  Acknowledge that you have feelings you need to talk about and ask a friend or your girlfriend network if they can spare some time to hear you out.

Related: 7 Signs the Way You’re Dealing With Your Breakup is Unhealthy

2. Find New Hobbies

Being active so that you’re not alone with your thoughts is important, but finding new hobbies and activities you can enjoy on your own is also a good idea. Instead of focusing on the things you did as a couple, find activities you can do on your own or with a close friend. Check out events on Facebook or MeetUp if you get stuck, but get out of the house to get over it.

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3. Stay Off of Your Ex’s Social Media

Checking up on an ex is the one way to ensure you won’t get over them. There’s nothing wrong with seeing how they’re doing, but checking up on them constantly after a recent breakup has the potential to become obsessive and prevents you from healing. Facebook now allows you to minimize the feed of your former flame, without having to unfriend or block them.

Related: Facebook Eases the Digital Pain When You Break Up

4. If It Still Hurts, Go No Contact

Maybe you and your ex decided to stay friends and it’s too hard on you, or maybe they feel as if they really hurt you and keep checking in to make sure you’re okay out of guilt. This can potentially hinder your healing process, and if it does, let your ex know and ask them to stop communicating with you. Sometimes you have to cut someone out completely and go NC depending on the circumstances. It’s okay to block your ex if they persist on speaking with you, even if you’ve asked them not to do so.  Just tell them you’re doing it to avoid creating any more drama around the breakup.

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5. Don’t Hide Your Pain

A breakup can be one of the toughest emotional hardships we go through. Don’t try to stifle your emotions. It’s perfectly normal to feel hurt and to spend time grieving over your breakup. The sooner you deal with your emotions surrounding the loss, the sooner you can move past it. They say time heals all wounds. While this is cliche, there’s nothing further from the truth. We’ve all been there and it really hurts, but know that it’s temporary. Who knows what the next chapter will unveil? It’s true that when one door closes, another opens.

Related: Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

Can’t figure out what you need to get over it? Goldblatt says “just ask your friends what they’re tired of hearing you complain about.” Yes, your friends will tell you the truth. Then, take the time to go online and dip a toe in one at a time. Someone special just might be waiting to meet you. When the time is right, you’ll know.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert, Mobile Dating Expert, and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating, and  was an early adopter of Internet dating, coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Find out how Irresistible Profiles will help you fill your date card to find your dream date.

Sign up for the free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox, along with the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online.

Turn to the left and smile? Sunglasses on, or off? Cleavage or cover up?

What are the best photos for your Irresistible online dating profile to capture his digital eye?

Finding the right photos for your online dating profile can be tough. Ladies, if you’ve ever wondered which photos are the best ones to put on your online dating profile, the guys have spoken up to state their faves.

In a recent online dating experiment by DatingFound, 3,570 single men were asked to rate the attractiveness of women’s Internet dating profiles, by rating their profile photos on a scale of 1 to 10.

Here’s how the photos ranked in popularity.

Showing Skin

Almost half of the men in the survey (41% ) said they liked to see a woman showing some flesh in her online dating profile. Women showing off cleavage by wearing low-cut tops and dresses in their profile pictures scored high for younger women. For those more mature in age, guys preferred to see a more conservative look, keeping a little mystery alive.

Even though pictures showing more skin result in more messages from digital crushes, you don’t want to look as  though that’s the only thing you have to offer. Remember – no bikini shots!

Happy Girls are a Complete Turn On

This survey found that 39% of men like the look of a woman who smiles in her profile pics.

Smiles can turn strangers into soulmates, so make sure you look happy in your profile photos. Happiness creates trust and approach-oriented behaviors in single men and increases your attractiveness.

Remember to flirt! A smiling profile picture is perfect because it appears as if you’re smiling at the viewer and men will respond enthusiastically.

Don’t Just Use Your Head Shots

Professional head shots look great in an online dating profile, but 11% of men like when a woman shows something they love. Appeal to men by putting your personality on display and show your fun side.

Take pictures that show your lifestyle. A shot of you reading a book, playing a guitar, cooking, golfing, yoga, or doing an activity you do regularly appeals to men.

Related: Creating an Irresistible Online Dating Profile Tips

Show Off Your Best (Left) Side

It’s been proven that we show more emotion from the left side of our face, and showing our left side in photos can create deeper resonance in those who view them.

Nine percent of men liked it  when a woman showed her left side in photos. Left-side photos are also more pleasing to the eye as they change up the viewing angle from a straight-on view.

P.S. This goes both ways, as women also liked viewing photos of men with their left side.

Which Photo Should You Show First?

You should have one of each of these photos on your profile to get the most possible messages from your matches.

1. Start with a photo of you showing off a little skin to capture attention.
2. Can you say cheese? Post smiling happy photos (both close up and full body).
3. Fun photos with activities that you’re passionate about.
4. Left side poses.

Which Photos Should You Never Use?

1. Avoid sunglasses as it could appear that you’re hiding something. Let him see your sparkling eyes.
2. Avoid group photos with your friends. Don’t confuse a guy by making him wonder who he will be meeting on the date.
3. Ditch the selfies. Need we say more? You just don’t look your best and it sends the message that it’s all about you.
4. Keep your pets out of your primary photo shot. Most of us love puppies and pets, but posting your first photo with your four-legged friend sends the message that your puppy sleeps in bed with you. Where’s the room for your new beau?

Related: Puppy Love: Dating Sites Match Pet Lovers

The full DatingFound infographic can be found here.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for our Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

JUST RELEASED: Our 2nd edition of The Perils of Cyber-Dating is now available on Kindle and as an audio book, narrated by the author.

Listen to our book trailer here.

A popular topic unfortunately is the trend of ghosting. If you haven’t heard of the term, it’s when someone you’re dating, even someone who calls you their boyfriend or girlfriend just disappears, even when things appear to be going great between the two of you.

In today’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a woman writes:

Dear Julie:

We have been dating for a month, meeting almost everyday and calling it a real relationship. He even told his family and friends that he is dating me. We had a small argument over a stupid thing then he start ghosting me. I called him twice and sent text messages a few times. After our argument he posted our picture to Instagram.  Two days later, he removed it.

I am confused. I removed him from Facebook and Instagram but he he hasn’t removed me from his Instagram.

What happened?

Ghost Victim.

My reply to this unfortunate dating dilemma:

Dear Ghost Victim,

You’re not alone. Dating someone for only one month is just that; dating. When people are dating, they are often dating others and leaving their options open to possibly date multiple people until they decide to be exclusive.

READ: IS YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND GHOSTING?

Urban Dictionary’s top definition of dating is:

Dating: “Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.”

Being on each other’s Facebook and Instagram accounts when you’re dating is common these days. It doesn’t mean you’re exclusive and it doesn’t mean it will last forever. What I don’t know in your case is what your argument was about, but if it turned him off, chances are he pulled back. He might be dating others, he might just need his space. But if he isn’t feeling good about the two of you, it’s understandable that he’d take photos of you down from Instagram, so other women won’t think he’s taken.

You’ve already reached out a few times. He hasn’t. My best advice to you is to fill your date card, right now. It’s good that you unfriended him on Facebook, but please DON’T stalk his instagram account. I always say, “Seek and ye shall find.” If you keep looking, you’ll probably see a photo of him and another woman, or him having fun somewhere without you.

READ: WHAT TO DO WHEN HE PULLS BACK

One month is too soon for a couple to know if they’ll ride into the sunset together. Ghosting after one month is common, because the level of commitment isn’t there. It’s lazy and cowardly, but it’s the easy way out.

Go out and have fun with your friends. Accept dates. Stop looking on his social media to see what he’s up to. You can wonder why, but put it behind you. He’s just another guy who ghosted because he got spooked or isn’t feeling it anymore.

If he comes back, you might already be in the arms of a great guy who won’t bolt when there’s a bump in the road.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Do you need dating advice or have a question for Julie Spira? Submit your dating questions here.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet Dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

For personalized coaching, find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date and sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

It was an honor and joy to be a guest on the Night Side on News Talk 1010 in Toronto with guest host Tony Chapman.

In this fun-filled hour on the radio, we talked about the early days on Internet dating, how I became an online dating expert, tips on what makes a great online dating profile photo, why singles swipe right and left on Tinder and other mobile dating apps, niche dating sites such as ChristianMingle and JDate and ‘catfishing’ and more.

When asked why online dating works so well, with one out of three relationships starting online, I explained that Internet dating is efficient. It’s available 24-hours a day. You can be sitting at work one moment, get a push notification on your mobile phone and be on a coffee date within minutes.

Tony wondered why people sign up for dating sites when they can date on Facebook for free, and I chimed in that Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site, if they wanted to be.

Listen to this replay of our live broadcast for everything you need to know to be successful with online dating.

For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She  was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For help with your online dating profile check out IrreistibleProfiles.com and SwipingRight to help find your dream date.