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VOTE for Julie Spira for Best Dating Coach

Julie Spira iDate AwardsOf the many things I was thankful for during Thanksgiving week, one was the announcement of a male client who got engaged, the other was spending time with my family, and lastly, I found out that I’m a FINALIST for best dating coach in the 2017 iDate Awards to be held in Miami in January.

Voting is now open to the general public, so it would mean the world to me if you could cast your vote for Julie Spira – Cyber-Dating Expert for best dating coach.

VOTE HERE FOR BEST DATING COACH

While I was surprised to hear I was nominated, it warms my heart to know the industry realizes how passionate I am about helping singles find love.

In the Beginning

It was over 20 years ago (22 to be exact), that I first embraced online dating during its infancy. It was before Match.com and eHarmony were even launched. After helping myself and mastering the sites and chat rooms, I then started writing profiles for singles, while still keeping my day job as a technology executive. Cosmo named me the “Pioneer of Online Dating” and after my bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online was released, my business expanded and I started writing dating advice for JDate, Match, eHarmony, Huffington Post, DatingAdvice.com, PlentyofFish, YourTango, and the list goes on.

Today

After two decades of helping singles find love online, I created Mobile Dating BootCamp, which was featured in the Washington Post,  appeared in the New York Times on the growth of Tinder in 2015 and 2016, have been responsible for many marriages and engagements, several online babies, have appeared in over 1000 media articles, and have some exciting TV and film projects in the works.

I credit those I met at the iDate conferences for helping me spread the news and have attended 16 iDate shows! The January 2017 iDate Awards will be my 17th time at iDate and the thought of accepting this award brings tears to my eyes and joy to my digital heart.

VOTE HERE FOR JULIE SPIRA FOR BEST DATING COACH

Thank you to those who have nominated me to be a finalist and to those who are voting now that voting is open to the general public.

Being a dating coach brings together two of my biggest passions; my love of technology and my strong belief in love. I couldn’t be happier.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my articles, watching me on TV, reading my books, and for your vote.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

xo

VOTE at iDateAwards.com from now through January 6th.

 

Mobile Dating App Use Will Be High over Thanksgiving Weekend

Mobile Dating AppsHang tight to your mobile phone this weekend.

Whether you’re feeling holiday love or holiday blues, one thing is for sure for singles who’d like to change their relationship status, they’ll be logging on and swiping right BIG TIME over Thanksgiving weekend and it might be a perfect time to reach out to your hometown sweetheart from years ago for a little reunion.

As a mobile dating expert, I always recommend keeping your location based app on to meet new people when you’re traveling or to change your zip code to the destination you’ll be going to in advance on your dating profile.

Tinder Sociologist and Cyber-Dating Expert friend Dr. Jess Carbino says, “People typically tend to be attracted to those with a similar demographic background – from age, occupation, education and more.Individuals who grow up in the same areas are more likely to have shared experiences, making home a great place for singles with similar values to connect.”

It’s Cuffing Season

I know it’s difficult being at the Thanksgiving table with your relatives asking you if you’re dating anyone special.  Add to it all of the holiday ornaments are going up earlier every year and the need to bundle up is at an all time high. This is why Cuffing season, when couples tend to connect leading up to the holidays has become a relationship phenomenon.

Our friends at Tinder have told us use of their mobile dating app increases during Thanksgiving weekend. Last year, they reported over 2.3 million swipes in the U.S. with over 17 million matches. That’s an increase of 23% compared to non-holiday weekends. So get ready to log on and swipe big time on your favorite mobile apps including Bumble, Grindr, Tinder, Zoosk, Match, OkCupid and more.

So if the family conversation is getting on your nerves, or if you’ve eaten too much turkey, excuse yourself and go into a room and get ready for a swiping frenzy this holiday weekend. If you haven’t hopped on a plane yet, change your search to the city you’ll be spending the holiday in or activate the Passport feature on Tinder to fill up your date card.

It’s Breakup Season

Remember, this time of year is filled with emotions. It’s also breakup season (ouch). Yes, couples who look deliriously happy on Facebook are breaking up around Thanksgiving and a whole new group of amazing people are feeling like you are. Single again.

We featured David McClandess’ Facebook Breakup Chart when it first came out a few years ago, but if you look at the spike in breakups, it starts around Thanksgiving and goes until just before Christmas. This was based on relationship status changes on Facebook.

Facebook Breakup Chart

Related: Deadly Breakup Obsessions

So let your mobile phone be your BFF this holiday weekend and give yourself permission to be attached to the phone before and after dinner.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating advice and love quotes.

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Thanksgiving Love

Thanksgiving Heart

It’s Thanksgiving week and many of you are headed to the airport or are packing your bags to visit friends, family, and loved ones.

Thanksgiving is an emotional time for many. It’s the big holiday leading up to even bigger holidays. It’s Cuffing Season, where couples are changing their relationship statuses and taking down their profiles.

The stores are filled with holiday ornaments and everyone should be filled with gratitude, right?

Often we look for things that aren’t working in our lives. We compare ourselves to others’ Facebook updates and force a cheery smile when out and about.

Maybe your career isn’t on track. Maybe your relationship is uncertain. Maybe you’re suffering from a recent breakup or can’t get over an ex. All of these feelings and more are very real. The get magnified big time at the holidays.

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays of the year. There have been some Thanksgiving holidays that I wished I could have stay under the covers, but I got over it.

Still, it’s a time to pause and think about those in your life. The memories that still bring a smile to your face, the possibilities of the future, and most importantly, think about living in the present right now. As I embark on a road trip to visit my family for Thanksgiving, I thought I’d share 10 things I’m grateful for this Thanksgiving and hope that you chime in with your gratitude list as well.

10 Things I’m Grateful for This Thanksgiving

  • I’m spending it with my happily married parents.
  • I have a huge girlfriend network online and IRL, who I consider my extended family.
  • I have a boyfriend, who I adore, who gets me and is the love of my life.
  • I live in a beautiful place near the ocean in sunny California.
  • I enjoy daily walks around boats and the water and watch sunsets over the Pacific.
  • I have helped so many singles find love and have been responsible for many marriages.
  • I’m friends with many of my ex’s and we think of each other fondly.
  • I work out with an amazing trainer to keep my mind, body, and soul all in shape.
  • I’ve built a multi-media brand about dating, love, and romance.
  • I stay true to my heart and soul and always come from a genuine place of authenticity.

All in all, I’m healthy, happy, and appreciate every moment of this journey called life.

Gratitude can change your day, your moments and add more joy to your life. So grab your gratitude journal or start one day. Sneak a note into your wish pillow. Grab your mobile phone and create a list.  Know that the possibilities are endless!

What are you grateful for today?

Please take a moment and make your list. You might be surprised at the results.

On this Thanksgiving, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow me @JulieSpira on Twitter for Dating Advice

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Ghosting: The Cultural Phenomenon in Dating

Ghosted

Whether you’re swiping left and right on a mobile app or meeting IRL through friends or co-workers, when it’s time to call it quits, couples are changing their relationship statuses by disappearing entirely.

Being ghosted is the coward’s way of breaking up.

Singles are finding ghosting the easy way out. Technology that connects us to find love can disconnect us in a digital split second. One day you’re talking about the future lying naked in bed with your boyfriend or girlfriend and the next day you’re blocked on social media and texts come to a complete halt. Confused by this disappearing act, you find your texts are getting ignored, your phone is blocked from receiving your calls and it appears like they’ve moved to another country or into the arms of another without the decency of a proper ending.

As technology affects all aspects of relationships, I have found myself becoming a ghosting or ghosted expert with the barrage of emails from heartbroken singles wondering what they did wrong to push someone away without the formality of a breakup conversation to get the closure they so desperately need.

According to online dating site PlentyofFish’s survey, 80% of millennials admitting to have been ghosted, or being the ghoster. The trend is rising daily among all demographics. Here are reasons why singles are ghosting big time and what to do instead.

1. You’re a Coward. Gone are the days of “post-it” breakups and even email breakups. You know it’s uncool to play Casper when it’s not Halloween, but you don’t have the guts to tell him or her it’s over. Pull up your big boy or big girl pants and do the deed in person if geography allows. You might get a slap on the face or a confrontation you’d prefer not to have, but have the convo. It might be possible to salvage your relationship through healthy communication, or end on mutual terms.

2. You’ve Met Someone Else. If you’re relationship has been on a downhill slide, you’re probably open to meeting someone else. Often there’s double-dipping involved and there could be an overlap that your new squeeze and old squeeze don’t know about. Tired of living a double-life and rather than coming clean (which means yes, did you sleep with someone else?), you ease into a new relationship and ease out of the one you were in by going MIA. If you think your relationship is over, don’t stay in it for the sex. Make a clean break in person, via phone, anything except disappearing into the arms of another, as your soon-to-be ex will see new photos on Instagram and Facebook and you can expect some nasty texts to appear on your smart phone from someone scorned and publicly humiliated.

3. You’re not Feeling It Anymore. You’ve gone through the motions, have met each others’ friends, talked about being exclusive, and then commit to being monogamous. Maybe he or she was a great kisser and your texts bordered on sexting, but once you slept together, it was plain bad. There’s more to the relationship than sex only, but if you can’t imagine seeing them again after oh so boring sex, you ghost. Not nice. People get nervous the first time they have get naked together. The pressure is on big time. Don’t make it about being incompatible in bed. That’s the worst kind of pain after your partner bears their heart, soul, and body.

Read: Ghosted for the First Time

4. You want to Play the Field. Beginnings are exciting. The first text, the first kiss, the first weekend away, yes, butterflies still exist and everyone is on good behavior. You’re having so much fun with your steady squeeze until you realize that you’re attached, when you really prefer to be single. You decide that the grass is greener when you’re attached and want to fly solo. When you’re solo, you think the grass is greener and want to be in a relationship. Meanwhile, your significant other didn’t do anything wrong. You truly like them, but the shiny new feeling wore off and there’s another cute smile flirting with you right now. What do you do? You get out of the digital handcuffs, disappear and don’t explain that you aren’t interested in spending the holidays with his or her family.

What to do if your significant other ghosts you

1. Don’t Send Repeated Texts that Get Ignored. One-way texts are humiliating and the are self-inflicted digital pain. Staring at your phone waiting for his or her reply can become obsessive. Turn your phone off and go to a movie with a friend, take a walk, do anything but press the send button on another text. If the person you were involved with doesn’t have the balls to end a relationship with a conversation, don’t stalk them online or offline to get closure. It will push them away and it will confirm their thoughts that you’re  a crazy ex.  Go no contact ASAP and text a friend or me instead of your lost lover.

Read: Is Your New Boyfriend Ghosting?

2. Give the Ghoster Space. Sometimes a person just needs a break. When someone tells you they want a break, the initial reaction is that it’s a breakup. After all “break” is the first part of the word, right? Give your Ghoster a few days to sort out their feelings, have some space to think about life without you and they may return. They don’t even think they’ve ghosted you, but you’re hurting big time. The best think you can do for yourself is stay busy with your friends while your ghosting lover is thinking it over.

3. Let him/her Go. People who ghost know it’s not the right thing to do, but everyone else is doing it and it’s become so easy, so why not follow a trend? If someone you were involved with finds you to be that disposable, give them a one-way ticket out of your life.

Ghosters have a habit of not ending it formally, because if their other options don’t work out, they want to have the opportunity to return. It’s not a love hiatus when it’s not mutual and it’s fine to call a ghoster out on their behavior. If he/she ghosts you once, you’ll get ghosted again. Don’t become that person in rotation.

4. Don’t Take it Out on The Next Person. Just because you’ve been ghosted, doesn’t mean it’s acceptable and you should ghost the next person you meet. Treat others the way you want to be treated and let’s stop all of this ghosting once and for all.

Have you been ghosted before? How did it make you feel?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and is the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love online and on their mobile phones for over two decades. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

10 Songs to Rock Your Halloween

Cyber-Dating Expert HalloweenAre you getting your costume ready for Halloween?

Are you getting ready for Halloween?

It’s time to put the digital DJ hat back on as we present our Top 10 Favorite Halloween Songs for you to enjoy from now through Halloween.

From Spooky to Thriller, with Witchy Woman in between, I hope you enjoy these seasonal favorites and share some of yours as well.

Enjoy!

1.Spooky – Classics IV – This song is one of my favorites, because it’s about love and romance.

2. Witchy Woman – The Eagles – The mystery of the woman in this song made it a hit for the Eagles.

3. Monster Mash – Bobby “Boris” Pickett – You might not know who the artist is, but you’ll certainly recognize the song. No Halloween party would be complete without this seasonal favorite.

4. Witch Queen of New Orleans – Redbone – Another personal favorite that I enjoyed playing on the radio. You’ll be humming Marie, Marie, da voodoo veau, she’ll put a spell on you.

5. Ghostbusters – Ray Parker Jr. – The title theme from the soundtrack film will fill you with laughter on Halloween!

6.Black Magic Woman – Santana – This song by Carlos Santana will always will be an incredibly sexy and classic tune that will never go out of style.

7. I put a Spell on You – Credence Clearwater Revival (CCR) – This bluesy song is one of my favorites.

8. Frankenstein – The Edgar Winter Group – No vocals, but the title alone merits its inclusion on the list this Halloween.

9. Werewolves of London – Warren Zevon – Although he is resting in peace, the Werewolves will always be around to help us howl during Halloween and Warren continues to make us laugh from his live performance at the Capitol Theatre in New Jersey.

10.Thriller – Michael Jackson – No Halloween would be complete without the excitement of this thrilling b bestselling song from the late King of Pop.

Honorable mention: Time Warp from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Do you have any other favorites to add to this list? Best wishes for a happy, spooky, fun and flirty Halloween from your friends at CyberDatingExpert.com

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Top Halloween Costumes for Singles

Wonder WomanGet ready for one of the flirtiest holidays of the year, Halloween! While picking out your costume this year, go ahead and be bold. Edit your online dating profile to let viewers see who you’ll be dressed up as. You never know. You just might get a Halloween date out of it!

Part of the fun of Halloween is selecting your costume and our friends at PlentyofFish have told us that Batman and Wonder Woman are at the top of the list for singles.

The online dating site polled over 500 single users in the United States over the age of 21, uncovers their attitudes towards Halloween this year with most dressing up, as well as costumes that are considered most attractive by the opposite sex.

The POF Halloween survey asked these questions:

Halloween Harley Quinn1. Will you be dressing up this year for Halloween?

Almost 37% (the majority said yes!)

2. Will you be going out to celebrate Halloween this year?

Almost 38% (the majority said yes!)

3. What best describes the reason you go out on Halloween?

The majority 61.3% said to hang out with friends.

4. From the guys: If you were to dress up as a pop culture character/personality, who would you be most likely to dress up as?Halloween Batman

Almost 28% of the men said they’d dress as the Joker. While this is fun, the women didn’t find the Joker so appealing, as almost twice a many women selected Batman over the Joker.

Women will double take on these male costumes:

Batman – 26%
Netflix and Chill – 16%
John Snow  – 14%

5. From the girls: If you were to dress up as a pop culture character/personality, who would you be most likely to dress up as?

Halloween CostumesThe majority, over 38% of women selected Wonder Woman as their favorite Halloween costume this year. It’s a good thing, because the majority of the guys said they’d be attracted to Wonder Woman first, followed by Harley Quinn as a close second.

Men will be spellbound by these top female costumes:

Wonder Woman – 34%
Harley Quinn – 30%
Netflix and Chill – 11%

6. What type of costume do you feel the best in on Halloween?

The majority of singles chose sexy and funny, so grab a fun costume and go out and flirt and laugh this Halloween. Remember to post photos!

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Costume photos from HalloweenCostumes.com

How to Take Down Your Match Profile When you Meet The One

Deleting ProfileAt Cyber-Dating Expert, we have a large amount of dating coaching clients who are members of Match, , so naturally when they find success with online dating, they often want to know how to delete their Internet dating or mobile dating profile so they can give the relationship a chance.

In this article, we will show you step-by-step how to take down your Match profile, even if it’s just temporarily.

How to Delete Your Match Profile

1. Sign on to Match. On the upper right hand corner, click on the gear and you’ll see a drop down menu. Click on Settings.

 

Match Profile
 

2. Scroll to Change/Cancel Membership. Click on the link.

Delete Match Prrofile

 

3. Type in your Match password. Click Continue Cancellation

Delete match profile

4. Click on Cancel Membership and Remove ProfileDelete match profile

5.  A pop-up will appear saying your membership has been canceled with a cancellation number.

delete match profile

6. Remember you will not be visible for the remainder of your subscription period. If at any time you’ve decided it’s time to start dating again, you can easily log in with your email address and password to reactivate your profile.

 

Delete match profile

7. You’ll receive an email to confirm your cancellation.

match delete

At the end of the digital day, online dating is a numbers game. We encourage singles to take down their profiles if they are only interested in dating one person, so that person doesn’t get the wrong impression that you aren’t serious.

If you want to renew, just log on again. Make sure you go into your settings and activate push notifications and email notifications to receive your daily matches or invites to match events if you’re ready to start dating again.

If you need some hand holding, contact us to find out how Irresistible Coaching can help you find your dream date.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been coaching singles on finding love on the Internet, and now on their mobile phones, for over 2 decades.

For dating advice, sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt Newsletter and FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Quote of the Day #DesertTrip

Close to 150,000 people over the course of two weekends saw some of the greatest rock and roll in history.

The Desert Trip in Coachella Valley featured the music of Nobel Prize Winner Bob Dylan, the Rolling Stones, Neil Young, Paul McCartney, The Who, and Roger Waters.

Set lists were filled with both political and love songs.

Today we are featuring a quote from Paul McCartney, who sang a song in honor of his current wife Nancy, and one for Linda, “Maybe I’m Amazed.”

maybe-im-amazed-at-the-way-you-help-me-sing-my-songright-me-when-im-wrong-maybe-im-amazed-at-the-way-i-really-need-you

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira for dating advice and quotes on love.

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It’s Cuffing Season. What Does That Mean for Singles?

Cuffing SeasonCuffing Season is Here

Bundle up! The leaves are turning colors, fall is officially here, it’s getting chilly outside, and singles and couples alike are starting to think about curling up with someone special for the holidays.

This is what happens in the fall. It becomes ‘Cuffing Season,’ when the desire to couple up for the holidays is at an all time high.

What is Cuffing Season?

Cuffing season starts in the fall when the weather starts to change, kids go back to school, and summer romances fizzle out. Suddenly you’ll notice friends of yours who claim to be forever single appearing at a party with a significant other or new boyfriend or girlfriend. Others will flock to online dating sites to hope to connect with someone for the holidays. To be honest here, it’s a busy time for singles looking for love online as they imagine kissing under the mistletoe with someone special or toasting a glass of bubbly on New Year’s.

In thinking back to my past, I can honestly say that I’ve witnessed several relationships fail in the fall and new ones become solidified by November.  Did they know it was ‘Cuffing Season?’ Probably not.

So my friends and tweethearts, as a dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile on your face and be approachable, as it really can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you just might want to be a participant in. Party invites from business networking events are starting to pile in, so RSVP and fill up your date card.

READ: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO CUFFING SEASON

It’s time to embrace the month we are to be the most thankful for with Thanksgiving around the corner. Time is speeding fast and there are plenty of singles that will be excited to have you in their life.

If you’re in a toxic relationship or one that makes you anxious or are walking on eggshells, it’s time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship for the holidays just prevents you from finding someone more compatible to create new memories with. The possibilities are endless!

If you need any hand holding, check out our Irresistible Profiles packages to help speed up your search.

Happy Cuffing Season.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
~Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and instagram for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

This New Tinder Feature Will Help You Stand Out

Tinder Boost

Are you tired of swiping right on Tinder and waiting for a match to appear? Do you feel like you’re in a numbers game and it’s no longer fun to play anymore?

If you feel this way, you’re not alone.

Tinder has announced on their blog, a new feature rolling out called ‘Tinder Boost’ to help you appear at the top of a match search. This new feature will help you “skip the line,” so they say and will allow you to be viewed as a top profile for 30 minutes to increase your chances of getting a mutual match.

Related: Why You Won’t Delete Tinder When You’ve Found The One

Here’s how Tinder Boost Works

1. Make sure you’re in Tinder Mode (turn off the social feature)

2. A pop-up will appear asking if you want to skip the line.

3. Sign up for Boost and you’ve got 10 minutes to be in premium mode.

4. Watch the countdown clock and make sure you make the most of your 10 minutes.

5. Start matching, chatting, and meeting IRL.

Related: Bumble Makes Men Reply or the Match Disappears

P.S. Tinder Plus members get one free boost a week, so we suggest you use it on a Sunday or Monday night, where singles have either had a weekend of bad dates or were dateless and want to change that before the upcoming weekend.

Tinder’s sisters dating sites/apps Match and OkCupid are already charging singles to appear during peak hours and the Bumble dating app also has a boost premium feature.  The Tinder mega mobile dating app is now testing their boost service in Australia and will hopefully be in the U.S. soon.

Will you pay more on a mobile app to appear higher in a search?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.

For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram, and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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