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What to Do if Your Boss Sees Your Dating Profile

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowIt’s bound to happen, you nervously put up an online dating profile with the hope of finding someone special to date, and suddenly it’s spotted by your boss, your neighbor, parents of friends of your kids, co-workers and more.

As a dating expert and coach, I’ve seen this happen to many of you. In my relationship column on Bikini, a female reader asked this question.

Q: I caught my boss checking me out on a dating website? I’m not sure if I should be excited or disturbed

A: Of course your boss is on a dating site or a mobile app. So are you and over 50 million other singles, including people who don’t know about your relationship status. It does feel like a creepy boundary issue, doesn’t it?  Chances are your boss was scrolling through hundreds of profiles photos in your geographic area and your familiar face popped up on the screen or on his mobile phone, so it was natural to take a peek at your profile.

So many sites allow you to see who has viewed your profile, so this isn’t unusual. Before you start comparing bad dates with your superior, my best advice is to ignore it. Then take matters into your own hands and block your boss from viewing your profile. I call it digital housekeeping. This way he or she won’t appear in your search and you won’t appear in theirs.

Both of you now know you’re on the same dating site and it could be just as uncomfortable for him or her as well. If your boss happens to mention viewing your profile, don’t have a meltdown. Just say, you’re single and dating and can’t think of a better way to meet someone outside of work than by joining an online dating site and mobile dating apps.

At some point, you’ll meet an amazing guy and will be taking your profile down anyway.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

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20 Tips from Female Dating CEOs at Silicon Beach Fest

Silicon Beach Fest Dating CEOs

Photo: Left to right: Jennifer Kelton, Kelly Steckelberg, Talia Goldstein, Julie Spira

Dating and looking for love? In case you missed it Silicon Beach Fest, it was an honor and joy to put together the first-ever Female Dating CEO panel for a lively discussion on the dating industry, relationships, and tips for online dating profiles and safe dating.

The panelists included some of the busiest women running dating and matchmaking companies, who took the time to collaborate on an informative panel and answered questions from the audience.

Collectively our businesses represented 30 years of dating industry, matchmaking, mobile apps, and coaching experience. We talked about the big elephant in the room, Tinder, and how it has affected our businesses as well as your dating experience.

Here are some of the advice we dished at SBF16.

Panelists

Kelly Steckelberg, CEO of Zoosk and Lively Mobile App

Jennifer Kelton, CEO of Bad Online Dates and BOD Dating App

Talia Goldstein, CEO of Three Day Rule, a Matchmaking Company

Julie Spira, CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and Online Dating Expert

Kelly Steckelberg - ZooskKelly’s Top 5 Tips from Zoosk:

  • Use a full body shot as your primary photo, as you’re 200% more likely to get responses to your messages.
  • You will get 50% fewer responses if the primary photo is a group photo. (Guys will wonder, which one are you?)
  • No pets in your primary photo.
  • Talk about yourself and what’s interesting about you, not about what you’re looking for in that person.
  • Use Spellcheck. The Zoosk study about grammar and spelling showed it had a huge effect on success rate.

Jennifer KeltonJennifer’s Top 5 Tips from BOD Dating App:

  • Grammar, grammar, grammar! No matter how good looking they are, grammar matters.
  • Be authentic in who you are. You’ve gotta keep it real. You don’t need to have your profile be a dissertation, but don’t put something out there that’s not genuine.
  • Don’t post bathroom selfies or a photo of a party scene. I realize that I’m probably not going to have a lot in common with that person.
  • You’ve got to think about safety first. Don’t ever meet somebody not in public, even after a few dates.
  • Don’t post selfies in the steamy bathroom mirror. Find a friend to take your photos.

talia goldstein Talia’s Top 5 Tips from Three Day Rule

  • Women need to be proactive and reach out to men.
  • Don’t post “distractor” photos where you are looking at almost everything in the photo, but the person (maybe they’re hiding behind a leaf).
  • Don’t post a mysterious other man or woman. The person viewing the profile will wonder, is this your husband or brother?
  • Do be chivalrous and open a door.
  • The League’s recent study said women wearing white dresses do well in the app, as well as men wearing suits.

Julie Spira Cyber Dating ExpertJulie’s Top 5 Tips from Cyber-Dating Expert

  • Ditch the little black dress and wear red in your profile. It’s the color of love, romance, and men view and write to women more often wearing red.
  • Don’t post goofy photos wearing a gorilla suit. Leave that for Comic Con.
  • Don’t get hung up on someone’s weight, height or distance.
  • Check out your potential date’s photos in Google.com/images to see if they match who they are.
  • Use social media to verify if your date looks the same and see if you have friends in common. Ask your friends if they will give the thumbs up or down on your date.

Follow our panelists on Twitter @zoosk @badonlinedates @threedayrule @JulieSpira

Visit: Zoosk.com, BodDatingApp.com, ThreeDayRule.com and CyberDatingExpert.com

 

 

 

Thought of the Day

Game of Love

Do you ever feel like you’re not a priority in your relationship?

When looking for love or a partnership, are you doing all of the heavy lifting?

If so, you’re not alone. These tips to the Game of Love will guide you into being in the right relationship, and steer you away from the wrong one.

In the Game of love, making the other person a priority, means carving out the time to be together.

The togetherness results in creating memories.

Building memories creates bonding.

Communicating, whether by phone, in person, text, or drone, you’re developing and building to stay connected.

In love, if you combine all of these four giving actions, you can wrap it up in one big beautiful red ribbon.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

xo

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

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Meet Dating CEOs at Silicon Beach Fest

It’s an honor and joy to put together a panel of female dating CEOs at Silicon Beach Fest, being held at the Marina del Rey Hotel on August 24 – 27th.

Silicon Beach Fest Dating Panel

 

Our panel will include Kelly Steckelberg, CEO of Zoosk; Jennifer Kelton, CEO of BOD Dating App;  Talia Goldstein, CEO of Three Day Rule, and myself Julie Spira, CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert.

The Dating CEO panel will be held at 4pm in the Waterfront Room and you’ll learn all the best tips for dating profiles and hear directly from industry pros.

SPEAKER BIOS

Julie Spira – CEO and Founder, Cyber-Dating Expert

Julie Spira is the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, an online dating coaching, advice and consulting business in the dating industry. As an early adopter of Internet dating and online dating expert, Julie has been coaching singles for over two decades on finding love. Her dating advice has been featured in over 1000 media stories and she’s the author of the bestseller, “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online,” which was re-released this year on Audible, where she narrated audio book version. Julie is the creator of “Mobile Dating BootCamp” and “Online Dating BootCamp.” Julie graduated from the Park School of Communications at Ithaca College, where she received a B.S. in Television-Radio. She started her career in broadcasting as a media personality. Always on the leading edge of technology, become the first female executive at RKO Radio Networks, the country’s first digitally delivered satellite radio network. She ranks as the most influential person in “dating” and “online dating” on social media influence site, Klout.

Site: CyberDatingExpert.com Twitter @JulieSpira

Talia Goldstein – CEO and Founder, Three Day Rule

Talia Goldstein is the CEO and founder of Three Day Rule. After studying communication at Tulane University, Talia worked as a TV producer at E! True Hollywood Story, where she quickly became the office dating expert, setting up many co-workers with matches and handing out insightful dating advice from her cubicle. Recognizing her hidden talent for matchmaking, Talia quit her full-time job and began hosting popular singles events and offering personalized matchmaking services. Three Day Rule was officially created in 2013, allowing Talia to turn her lifelong hobby of matchmaking into a thriving business. Leveraging her extensive network of successful, attractive singles, Talia has found matches for hundreds of clients, including top executives, entrepreneurs, and everyday young professionals. Among her clients, Talia has been recognized for her strong instinct for what drives lifelong connections between two people. She has made it her mission to help clients on their quest to find true love, and is thrilled that her work allows her to make a difference in people’s lives.

Web: ThreeDayRule.com Twitter: @TaliaGoldstein @ThreeDayRule

Kelly Steckelberg – CEO, Zoosk

Kelly Steckelberg is the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) at Zoosk. Kelly joined Zoosk in March 2011 from Cisco, where she held various roles including divisional CFO positions for the Consumer Segment and WebEx. Kelly joined Cisco through the WebEx acquisition, where she served as Controller, Chief Accounting Officer (CAO). Prior to WebEx, Kelly held executive positions with Epiphany, Inc. and a variety of finance positions at PeopleSoft, Inc. in the U.S. and Europe. She started her career at KPMG in both tax and audit. Kelly holds both a bachelor’s and master’s degree in accounting from the University of Texas at Austin.  In addition to her work at Zoosk, Kelly also serves on the board of Episcopal Community Services of San Francisco (ECS), which helps provides housing, jobs, shelter, and essential services to homeless and low-income people in San Francisco. When not working, she loves to travel and has been to over 60 countries.

Web: Zoosk.com Twitter @ksteckel @zoosk

Jennifer Kelton – CEO and Founder, BOD Dating App

Jennifer Kelton is a dating industry expert and Founder & CEO of the recently launched bod (Bad Online Dates) app. She is also author of the acclaimed dating book, Don’t Use My Sweater like a Towel and creator of dressforthedate.com.  The bod (Bad Online Dates) app is a geo-location-based dating app where users can move on from a bad date and potentially meet someone new, in real-time.

Web: boddatingapp.com  Twitter: @BadOnlineDates

How to Handle the Dreaded Pull Back

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowOne of our most popular dating advice blog posts, What to Do When He Pulls Back, is still getting a lot of comments.

I get it that so many of you are in such pain and don’t understand it when things are going great, why your boyfriend will disappear, call you less, stop texting, or even take the more drastic action of breaking up.

Our recent comment comes from A. As a dating expert and coach, I can tell you that she’s not alone. Read her relationship problem and feel free to comment.

Dear Julie

Wow! I’ve been researching the web for answers for about a month now and it seems like your article just answered all of my questions.

I’ve dated a guy for 3 months. It seems like he was the one and made me feel like I was the one too. He never said “I love you” but I felt like he was in love… He was texting me at least twice a day, we saw each other every 2 weeks (we had a long distance relationship and he had his son every other week).

He wrote me a beautiful birthday card, I met his son and BAM, a week later, he left just saying he was scared and that maybe, he didn’t love me enough to continue in this relationship. I asked to discuss more but he just disappeared.

Note: he is also getting through some stressful times at work + his last relationship with his son’s mom ended very badly.

A month later, I still haven’t heard from him but I still think he loves me and made a big mistake. I know it was stressful for him and he probably just was overwhelmed. It was a big deal for him to introduce me to his son as well.

Anyways. I am still hopeful. What do you think? Can he realize that it was all about stress? How long can it take? I am slowly moving on but he was “my man” and I still feel that our story is not over…

Thanks 🙂

Dear A.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re guy had to pull back and couldn’t handle a serious relationship with you. Timing is always an important factor in relationships. The trick is to meet the right person at the right time and have a relationship move forward effortlessly.

Unfortunately it’s often not the case. Either someone is in transition from a previous relationship, has work issues that are higher on the totem pole than a relationship, or needs space. You might be the right person at the wrong time. I can’t tell you that for sure, as I’ve never met nor spoken with your now ex-boyfriend.

What I can tell you is that men often need space and time to figure things out without having outside pressure. Also, three months is a critical time for all relationships. I call it the first trimester of love. This is when the honeymoon phase takes place and both  men and women reanalyze their relationship statuses at 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, and one year. Three months is probably the most frequent time that I see people breaking up, deciding they don’t want to step it up to a more serious stage, which does include agreeing to be in a committed relationship, saying “I love you,” and more of a groove.

When a man says “I love you,” outside of the bedroom and afterglow of sex, it’s really a big deal to them. They project to the future and if they aren’t ready, they’ll disappear if they think that’s what you want.

That being said, if he comes to his senses and realizes what a prize you are, he’ll come back. If he said he was scared, he was being authentic and genuine. The guy has his hands full!

The big questions is, will you still be available if and when he returns? At this point, you need to start dating and maybe you’ll even meet someone who’s a better match for you. This can’t happen if you’re pining away for the guy you adored for just three months.

Go and be confident and become available for love. The right person will find you. Your guy just isn’t ready for anything serious, or isn’t ready for anything serious with you. (sorry)

Be grateful that you could have such strong feelings for someone, but if he comes back, it will be because you aren’t needy and he is ready. For now, there’s no reason to chase him or expect your guy to magically come back. There’s no calendar date. He may even meet someone else, but if his feelings for you were stronger, he will realize that by comparison.

I know it hurts. I’ve been there and can tell you, often they do come back. It comes down to a question of timing.

Perhaps if and when he resurfaces, you’ll no longer have a relationship status of “single.” No matter what, don’t chase him. Live your fabulous life and surround yourself with friends and activities. If it’s meant to be, it will be, but he will need to be the one to realize that.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie

Follow dating expert @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for relationship advice.

 

August is National Romance Month

National Romance Month

Although love and romance is a 24-hour a day 7-day a week topic, in the hot steamy month of August, romance does gets an extra boost.

To celebrate National Romance month, here are some uber romantic things to do for your date so they’ll be thinking about you all day long, while waiting for date night.

Here are seven ways to ramp up the romance

Cyber Love
As one who spends a lot of time helping singles with their mobile dating and online dating profiles, I can’t help but stress that logging on and swiping right are one of the simplest ways to think about romance and relationships. When you log in daily, take extra time to compliment someone on his or her outfit. Let them know you think they have an incredible smile and always use their first name if you know it. You’ll be surprised how quickly the boomerang effect will take place. You’ll feel like romance is just a click away.

Digital Foreplay

I’m a huge fan of sending romantic text messages leading up to your date. Sending a fun and flirty morning text message letting your date or significant other know that you’re excited about your date with a few xoxo’s will definitely add some romance to your love life.

Read: 20 Flirty Text Messages to Capture His Heart

Leave a Love Note

There’s something old fashioned and sexy about seeing a surprise love note on your pillow or in your bathroom drawer from the object of your affection. The best part, it’s a keepsake and can be looked at during the days and nights in between your next date.

Smile and be Confident

Believe it or not, you actually feel happier and more confident even when you’re smiling while on the telephone. Nobody can imagine romance with a “Debbie” or “Donnie Downer,” so smile at the grocery store, while standing in line at the bank or waiting for your turn at the ATM, or in an exercise class. You’ll come across as happier and don’t be surprised if a few heads turn.

First Date Rules – Be Proactive for Romance

Being passive on a date doesn’t help you in the romance department. Sure you don’t want to be too aggressive, but a survey from dating site Zoosk showed the squeaky wheel gets the romance deal with 34% of singles finding it most romantic when their date plans a surprise activity for their first date, with 27% liking to hold hands on the first date and 25% actually enjoying it when their date leans in for that first memorable kiss.

Schedule Date Nights

If you already have a steady loved one, you know how often relationships can end up in a rut after the first three months. When the honeymoon period starts to wane, if you’re not dating your mate and creating romantic memories, it’s easy for the relationship to fizzle out. Pick the same day each week and take turns selecting your date spot. You don’t have to break the bank, especially during Romance Awareness Month, as there are plenty of free concerts, where you can bring a picnic basket to or take the beach walk that so many swear they can’t wait to do.

Read: 5 Ways to Create a Great Date Night

Take that Beach Walk

Cliche as it may seem, many singles write that they enjoy taking beach walks on a date. Stop dreaming about it and schedule it with your date. Being barefoot on the beach with your toes in the sand is still the ultimate romantic date.

What romantic rituals help you in your relationship?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Mobile and Online Dating Expert. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and has been creating Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene for over two decades.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

Happy National Girlfriends Day

Hello Tweethearts and welcome to August.

My the summer is flying by fast.

Today is National Girlfriends Day. While everyday should be a day to honor friendships, our quote of the day from Gwyneth Paltrow is a great way to start the week. If you know someone who is hurting, reach out and reconnect. Friendship is like a boomerang, it keeps coming back to you.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

National Girlfriends Day

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Why Does My Boyfriend Still Chat Online

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowDear Julie,

I’m frustrated with something happening in my relationship and hope you can help.

Can you please help me understand what my boyfriend means when he says, “He misses chatting to girls, because he enjoys their conversations more than male conversations.”

He added that he also misses the fact that he can talk to them without people jumping to conclusions.

Do you think he misses being single and having the excitement of taking to new girls? We’ve been dating for almost a year and we’re very similar and haven’t been in a fight as yet, because we usually talk through things before it becomes a problem.

Many thanks,

Anneline

———————————————————————————————–

My Dear Anneline,

As a dating expert, I can tell you that your boyfriend clearly needs the validation that other girls still like him, even if he is hopelessly devoted to you. I don’t know if the two of you met online or out-and-about, but it’s clear to me that he’s keeping his options open. Perhaps he’s insecure or just got addicted to online dating and can’t take his profile down.

I don’t know if he’s chatting on social media sites such as snapchat, Facebook, WhatsApp or actually has a profile on Tinder or Bumble and is chatting that way. Either way, I look at chatting and flirting with other women when you’re in a relationship as a bit of emotional cheating and a larger case of insecurity.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Many years ago, I had a boyfriend who I met online. When it was time to take out profiles down, we did it together and agreed to be exclusive. Everything seemed fine, except one day later, he admitted that he was having a digital withdrawal of women no longer looking at him online. He wasn’t writing back to them, nor was he scheduling dates. He had been online for so long that disconnecting became painful to him. He loved having the digital ego boost of a woman writing to him or viewing his profile. He got over it, but it caused him stress.

If your boyfriend is on a dating app and chatting, it’s grounds for breaking up. He can chat to “friends” on facebook without telling the world he’s on a dating site and available.

The reason that men don’t even like to change their relationship status, is because until they’ve committed totally, they don’t want to feel that they will never sleep with another woman ever again. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s fairly accurate.

Let your boyfriend know you don’t mind him having female platonic friends and that you have male platonic friends as well. But be clear, you’re not interested in being with anyone who wants to keep his options open, so unless the people he’s chatting with know about you or you’re mutual friends, you have a right to tell him flat out that it’s disrespectful to you. Ask him how he’d feel if you were flirting with other guys pretending you didn’t have a boyfriend. I doubt he’d like that either.

I’m not saying you should break up, but let him know that you’re a woman who deserves to be respected and he should refocus his flirting behavior and chats and direct them at you.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie

Do you have a question for online dating and mobile dating expert Julie Spira? Send your dating and relationship questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram for dating advice and sign up for our FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

How to Get Engaged at Any Age

Engaged at Any Age

It’s with great enthusiasm to tell you about this F.R.E.E. Global Video event, hosted by my friend Jaki Sabourin including special interviews with John Gray, from the Venus and Mars series and 30 other dating and relationship experts, including myself!

I have a feeling you’re going to like it as well and it’s filled with free gifts!

Here are some questions you might be asking yourself.
  • Do you ever feel like you are waiting around for the right man to walk through the door or show up in your inbox?
  • And maybe sometimes you start to wonder if love is even in the cards for you?
I can assure you of one thing, if you want true love, you’ll have it.
Love isn’t something you find, it’s something you deliberately choose and attract.
We’re going to teach you how to do this. No more hoping. No more waiting.
Because the truth is, if you want to find your soulmate, you have to take intentional action!
My colleague, Love and Dating expert, Jaki Sabourin is back with her most popular online event, Engaged at any Age®. Would you like to find out here the REAL way to attract love into your life?’
I’ll be doing a full session on how to create an Irresistible Dating Profile that you won’t want to miss1
This time around, world-renowned author John Gray (Men Are From Mars, Women are From Venus) is going to open this event with Jaki in a live call “How to Train Your Man” followed by 30 other leading experts that have come on board to share their wisdom and insights for finding lasting love.
Let me tell you how this is different.
You likely get a lot of emails from dating experts who are teaching women how to change themselves in order to attract a man. That’s the OLD way! This is the new way.
Engaged at any Age® is about training MEN to do what you want them to do.
Preparing MEN to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Empowering yourself to be open, confident and sexy and DELIBERATE in your actions.
This training series is a like getting a Master’s Degree in ATTRACTION!
We are going to show you how to:
  • Train a man to respect you, your needs and your deepest desires
  • Set healthy boundaries so that you are never sacrificing your true self
  • Master sexual confidence so that you are irresistible
  • Send powerful messages to men so that only the ones you want approach you!
  • Train men to communicate easily and openly. No more guessing games!
  • Foster a sense of intimacy (with you in the lead!)
And you will continue to receive free gifts every single day of the event!
You are in charge of your love life and that is exactly how it should be!
Finding the relationship of your dreams is not about how you look, what you say or where you go.
It’s about instinct.
It’s about understanding the powerful principles of attraction that have tied men to women for centuries and using them TODAY to deliberately create the love of your life.

Sure. We can tell you how to get a date.

And we will Here.

But are you just looking for a dinner out? Or are you ready for a lifelong SOULMATE? Do you just want to be approached? Or do you want to be adored?
We are going to take you step by step through the practices you need to master to draw in your ideal love.
I’m so excited to be a part of this. Jaki’s approach is modern and multi-dimensional and she has brought together a power-house panel with a goal of teaching you the most effective, most empowering strategies for manifesting love in your life.
Is a deep and happy relationship on your wish list? You can choose one. You can create one.
You can start right here!
Here’s to getting off the roller-coaster and settling in with love,

Wishing you much love and joy.

Julie

P.S. Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for online dating expert advice.

Today’s Quote

 

Quote of the Day: “A smile is the best makeup any girl can wear.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

Quote of the Day

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