The article on Vanity Fair about Tinder resulted in a #TinderMeltdown, when the mobile app lashed back out at writer Nancy Jo Sales. The story went viral with thirty-or-so tweets from Tinder defending their position of helping singles also find love online, and not just as a hookup app.
The point is, there’s a little bit of everything going on relationship-wise online and offline.
From hook-ups to marriage, soul mates to bed mates, there’s a mobile app for you.
As a guest on AirTalk with Larry Mantle on NPR’s KPCC, we talked about this story, Tinder dating, and heard from a variety of men and women who are using Tinder who shared their experiences.
To listen to the rebroadcast, click here
Do you have a Tinder story to share? Please post your comments here.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and find out how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.
In the September issue of Vanity Fair, Nancy Jo Sales wrote an in -depth piece called, Tinder and the Dawn of “Dating Apocalypse.” It’s an eye-opener and validation of a woman’s worst fear. The guys are swiping right to hook up and it’s all just a game.
In the story, it’s reported that 100 million people are using mobile apps, with about 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day. The numbers are mind-boggling and enormous.
The VF story is really about sex and hookups. Mobile apps just happen to ramp up the numbers in a digital second, and singles in their 20s are buying into the hooking up program, I believe which ruins their chance at romance.
We’re living in a virtual world of swiping left and swiping right, with many instantly determining if you’re hot or not. But even if you’re not considered hot, many just keep swiping right, as it’s just a numbers game when it comes to mobile dating. Tinder and other apps provide the tools to hook up and have sex with multiple partners a day, or not.
Many women claim they want romance and a long-term relationship, but they seem to feel that sending photos of their private parts and receiving dick photos is a part of the digital courtship process and join the program.
The problem is, some women are hooking up with hopes to change the mindset of the guy they’ve just slept with. Maybe they’ll think of them as marriage or relationship material, or maybe they’ll be swiping right while you’re putting your clothes back on.
As one who has embraced online dating for over 20 years as an early adopter of Internet dating, and one who coaches and helps singles find serious relationships in the digital age, I have mixed feelings about Tinder. I’m thrilled that it’s given credibility to online and mobile dating and gives you a chance to cast a wider net to find a date or a mate.
If you say you’re using Tinder to your friends, one may ask you why you’re on a hookup app if you’re looking for love. But who isn’t using Tinder? Celebrities such as Hillary Duff, Katy Perry, and Ed Sheeran on Tinder, with Sheeran receiving the first celebrity verified profile on the mobile app. They join the Tinder bandwagon because they’re single and it’s easy to use and is fun. After all, after each swipe, you’re prompted with a message to “Keep playing?”
So we continue to swipe with the hopes of finding a match worthy of introducing to your friends and family, but weeding out those who want to hookup and those who want love is confusing.
We hope there’s truth-in-advertising, but men and women can just say in their profiles that they’re looking for a serious relationship, not serial dating. However those same people could be already in a “committed” relationship, while looking for Plan B when the romance starts to fade and the monotony kicks in. Research from Global WebIndex states that 62% of Tinder users are actually in a relationship. So don’t be surprised if a friend sees your steady-sweetie’s active profile on Tinder.
So is romance dead or alive on your mobile phone? According to the Vanity Fair piece, it’s looking grim for 20s in New York who find swiping right to be an efficient and inexpensive way to shag a few girls a day or a week, but I disagree.
I encourage the women who are really looking for a relationship to ignore the “dick pics” and take your time to weed out the creepers who want to choke you within 20 minutes. Think about the approach you took while dating with traditional online dating sites or meeting through friends and combine it with the efficiency of mobile dating apps. Keep your clothes on in your profile photos, state your intentions and swipe left until you find someone worthy of having a chat with. While it’s efficient to find someone IRL in seconds, it doesn’t mean you have to meet someone immediately or rush into casual sex if it’s not your goal.
It takes time to get to know someone, whether you meet in a bar, through friends, or on Tinder. Ask a lot of questions before getting involved. But then again, if you’re in it for a night of fun, it’s a piece of digital cake to accomplish that.
To the Tinderellas out there, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. Xo
Read more to learn how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, and as a Digital Matchmaker she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia
National Romance Awareness Month gives you the opportunity and excuse to jump out of your rut and your comfort zone and think about how you can add more romance to your life, regardless of your relationship status.
Although romance is a 24-hour a day 7-day a week topic, in hot steamy month of August, romance does gets an extra boost.
To celebrate this month, try doing some extra romantic things for your date so they’ll be thinking about you all day long.
Here are seven tips to ramp up the romance in your life, with or while your looking for a romantic partner.
As one who spends a lot of time helping singles with their online dating profiles, I can’t help but stress that it’s one of the simplest ways to think about romance and relationships. When you log in daily to your online dating site, take extra time to compliment someone on his or her outfit. Let them know you think they have an incredible smile. You’ll be surprised how quickly the boomerang effect will take place. You’ll feel like romance is just a click away.
I’m a huge fan of sending romantic text messages leading up to your date. Sending a fun and flirty morning text message letting your date or significant other know that you’re excited about your date with a few xoxo’s will definitely add some romance to your love life.
Leave a Love Note
There’s something old fashioned and sexy about seeing a surprise love note on your pillow or in your bathroom drawer from the object of your affection. The best part, it’s a keepsake and can be looked at during the days and nights in between your next date.
Smile and be Confident
Believe it or not, you actually feel happier and more confident even when you’re smiling while on the telephone. Nobody can imagine romance with a “Debbie” or “Donnie Downer,” so smile at the grocery store, while standing in line at the bank or waiting for your turn at the ATM, or in an exercise class. You’ll come across as happier and don’t be surprised if a few heads turn.
First Date Rules – Be Proactive for Romance
Being passive on a date doesn’t help you in the romance department. Sure you don’t want to be too aggressive, but a survey from dating site Zoosk showed the squeaky wheel gets the romance deal with 34% of singles finding it most romantic when their date plans a surprise activity for their first date, with 27% liking to hold hands on the first date and 25% actually enjoying it when their date leans in for that first memorable kiss.
Schedule Date Nights
If you already have a steady loved one, you know how often relationships can end up in a rut after the first three months. When the honeymoon period starts to wane, if you’re not dating your mate and creating romantic memories, it’s easy for the relationship to fizzle out. Pick the same day each week and take turns selecting your date spot. You don’t have to break the bank, especially during Romance Awareness Month, as there are plenty of free concerts, where you can bring a picnic basket to or take the beach walk that so many swear they can’t wait to do.
Take that Beach Walk
Cliche as it may seem, many singles write that they enjoy taking beach walks on a date. Stop dreaming about it and schedule it with your date. Being barefoot on the beach with your toes in the sand is still the ultimate romantic date.
What romantic rituals help you in your relationship?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.
It was fun being on the Boris and Nicole show talking about the popularity of online dating and mobile dating apps. Nicole was talking about how difficult it was for her single friends looking for love online, and Boris was talking about being “Tenderized.”
Follow @JulieSpira for online dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
With 10 million matches a day, there are many men that suffer from over-swiping to the point that they think they’ve just swiped left in error on the fresh face that could be their dream girl.
If you’re not a member of Tinder Plus, where you can go back and swipe right to the last profile, we’ve got help for you.
We have a fun service at Cyber-Dating Expert called Swiping Right. With Swiping Right, we manage your expectations, help you have a rocking Tinder profile, and show you tips on how to swipe right without getting into a swiping frenzy and ending up with “Swipe Regret.”
You see we know how addictive Tinder can be. We know that when you post photos of a gorilla as your primary shot, you’re trying to be a funny guy. We know that women can’t imagine being in bed with the hairy gorilla, so you won’t be getting many matches. We know you like to show off that muscle when you’re working out at the gym, but women think you’re showing off and will swipe left.
So when you see the digital girl of your dreams, pause. Look at all of her photos. Read her bio. Take the time to see which friends you have in common and swipe right. There’s no guarantee she’ll swipe right as well, but if she does, make sure your introduction message says anything but, “hey.” After all, women know that horses hang out in hay. Avoid “you’re hot,” even if she’s the hottest and prettiest girl on your mobile phone. It sends the message that you’re looking for a booty call and she’ll probably swipe left.
What should you do if you swipe left in error? Learn to take your time and contact us so we can help you with Swiping Right to find your dream girl on Tinder.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and helps singles find love online through her Irresistible Profiles Programs and teaches men and women how to swipe right for love on Tinder.
In a recent segment on Huff Post Live, we talked about singles 50+ using mobile dating apps to find love, companionship and more.
In a video clip, I stated:
“Singles over 50 have embraced mobile dating apps. They’ve seen their children, friends and neighbors find love online and if they find themselves alone due to the loss of a spouse, loss of a partner, through death or divorce, the loss of a spouse through death or divorce, it’s a terrific way to build your self esteem and fill your date card.
We know the need for companionship is so, so strong, especially as we age. If you’re finding yourself alone, grab your mobile phones and start swiping right so you can find your one in 40 million.”
What the post-50 crowd really thinks of dating apps on Huff Post Live in this full video segment.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. To learn how to master mobile dating apps, check out our Swiping Right program and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.
As an online dating expert and coach, I know that finding love online often results in starting a long-distance relationship and becoming attached, even falling in love before you’ve had the chance to meet in person. If this is your current relationship status, you may have the chance to be on a television show!
Have you been in an online relationship for a while, but never met in person? Have you been in a whirlwind LDR relationship for the past few years? Are there things in your past that you haven’t admitted? Have you decided that now is the time to meet no matter what?
The Oxygen Network is now casting a groundbreaking new show that takes long distance relationships to the next level.
The show will follow couples currently in long distance relationships who have NEVER MET in person. They will document the first time they meet, and all of the events that follow. Each couple will meet their significant others’ family and friends, and get a peak into their everyday life. The show will explore some of the issues their relationship maybe going through and help them tackles these problems.
With video chatting, extensive phone calls and texting, long distance relationships may sometimes go longer than they should. Enough is enough – it’s time to meet your significant other and bring your relationship to the next level.
The network will cover all expenses necessary to bring couples together and a stipend for your time. They look forward to sharing touching stories of people who are in love but, for whatever reason, you haven’t yet been able to connect with that special person face-to-face. This is not “Catfish” – they are looking for genuine couples, with legitimate obstacles.
They’re looking for the type of couple that falls asleep together while on Skype or FaceTime. If this is you, they would love to enable you to overcome the physical boundaries and help you to finally connect with the one that you love.
Please go to www.meetyouronlinelove.com and apply now!
For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira
You’re invited to a fun event in Los Angeles to be held at the Santa Monica Public Library on July 19, 2015.
Online Dating Expert Julie Spira will be signing copies of her book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and author Mark Miller will be signing copies of his book, 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars.
The event will start at 2pm and will include a lively “He Said, She Said” debate on which gender has it tougher in the dating world; men or women. We’ll be answering your juicy questions on digital dating, who pays for dates, texting, and more.
We’ll be joined by media expert Michael Levine and Ukulele chanteuse Janet Klein to entertain you. It will be a fun and hilarious event. We look forward to seeing you there.
In this week’s “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert,” a reader who’s in a 6-month relationship is frustrated that her steady boyfriend still wants to keep an active online dating profile up. Should she tell him to take it down? Is she really in an exclusive relationship? Does this relationship have a chance?
Here’s her question.
I’ve been seeing this person for around 6-months now. When we first started interacting I was informed he was on a dating website.
In my mind, it sounds like a hook-up or one-night stand type of site. I was fine with that because we had just met and I admired his honesty. Well now, we’ve been discussing being together long-term and moving the relationship forward from just seeing each other to more of a commitment, which is good.
The only issue is he still feels the need to stay online! His excuse is, “I’m an attention seeker and maybe I have a problem. And if ‘you’ want me to stop I will.”
Julie, I haven’t been in a serious relationship in over three years and that’s by my choice. I haven’t stumbled upon anyone I could genuinely be happy with. This one though is different. I was thinking I truly made him happy and he did the same for me. Apparently, I don’t think that’s the case. And what I’m not going to do is tell him I want him to be off the site and then months or weeks later find that he’s hiding his profile. I believe happiness should flow. Am I overreacting? What should I do?
6-Months and waiting.
I’m sorry you’re going through this kind of pain and I can assure you, that you’re not alone with your concerns.
I can guarantee you that if you feel this way after six months of being in a “committed” relationship, that you will feel even worse after the next six months on your one-year anniversary together. Can you imagine yourself loving your guy, talking about the future, moving in together, and then while he’s sleeping checking to see if he has a hidden dating profile on the site? Do you really want to enlist the help of your friends to spy on him? Do you really want to be with an insecure man who has the need to be loved by other women when he’s falling asleep in your arms every night? This, my friend is heavy drama and isn’t love.
When a man truly loves a woman and wants to call her his own, he plans a future, will let her know he’s exclusive, will take his online dating profile down, and permanently retire his Tinder app in a digital second. He won’t let another man will steal his girl away from him.
I have a problem with ultimatums in relationships, but I do believe that honesty and communication are everything. Kudos to your guy in being honest and admitting he has a profile up. Chances are his need for attention goes deeper than his love for you and probably goes back years-and-years before he ever met you. If you love him, ask him to go to counseling for this and offer to go with him as a couple. This way you both are investing in your future.
I’m not one to toss a 6-month relationship away, but no person should be made to feel like they are an option when they are talking about the future with someone they love. Let him know he makes you happy and that having an active dating profile up makes you uncomfortable. Ask him how he’d feel if you had a profile up as well and LISTEN more than talk.
If he agrees to take the profile down and work out these issues together, you could have a chance of happiness. If you believe he’s fooling around on the side and actually have proof, send him packing, put your own profile up and block him so you can move on.
You’ll know pretty quickly if you’re the one, or just the one for now.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a dating dilemma? Send your questions to “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert” here.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating, having created her first profile over 20 years ago. Today, Julie and her team create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Every year on July 6th, singles and couples will have a good excuse to become more romantic and flirty for this annual holiday. It’s time to get creative, both on the lips and in the desired location of that memorable kiss.
In honor of International Kissing Day, our friends at online dating site Zoosk conducted a survey of 3500 singles in the United States to find out everything you need to know about kissing. From air kisses to French kisses, find out the most popular styles of kissing and the biggest turn-offs for a bad kiss.
According to the survey, most singles have dated a bad kisser. With 73% of the singles polled claiming they’ve been stuck in a bad kissing situation, know that you’re not alone when you meet a kisser with the slobbering tongue, bad breath, or the one who kisses with his or her mouth closed.
Speaking of closed, the Zoosk survey showed that 83% of singles do prefer to kiss with their eyes closed as compared to wide-open.
Music and romance do go hand-in-hand, so it’s natural that those surveyed had some favorite make-out songs. The top selections included “Could I Have This Kiss Forever?” by Whitney Houston & Enrique Iglesias, as well as “A Kiss From a Rose” by Seal and “Blow Me One Last Kiss” by Pink.
French kissing, surprisingly enough is more popular in the United States than in France. According to the survey, 46% of Americans prefer the French kiss as compared to 21% of those kissing in France.
Where do couples want to memorialize their kiss? The beach came in as the top choice with 30% of the votes, followed by kissing in the car, by a roaring fireplace, and on a carriage ride in Central Park in New York City.
If you’re away from your sweetheart, remember to send a few digital hugs and kisses XOXO’s via text on your mobile phone to celebrate International Kissing Day. Remember that a goodbye kiss can be more important than the hello kiss and leave a wonderful memory to the end of your date.
What’s your kissing style? Do you have your own kissing dos and don’ts? A dream spot for that first kiss?
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter