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Why You Won’t Delete Tinder When You Find “The One”

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So you’ve met ‘the one,’ but you’ve got a digital love triangle going on. It’s called Tinder on one side and you’re steady sweetheart on the other. You know in your heart the one who falls asleep in your arms every night is the one who ranks higher on the totem pole. You know you need to delete Tinder and are no longer looking for options. Why is it so difficult? As a Tinder dating expert, I get asked this question all of the time.

Here are 7 reasons why you want to stay attached to Tinder, when you’re in a committed relationship.

1. FOMO – Sure you know she’s the one and you’ve had the talk, have drawers in each other’s homes, but somehow you think you might suffer from the “fear of missing out” if someone attractive matches with you. You may wonder what if she’s just a bit hotter, sweeter, or what happens if my SO dumps me?

2. You Need an Ego Boost – Just having that high of seeing “it’s a match” and knowing someone swiped right on you makes you feel like you’re still a desirable guy. Even if you have no intentions of writing back, it’s like a digital drug and weaning off can be difficult for many. Just knowing someone else is interested boosts your self esteem, even at the risk of losing the one you’d regret getting away.

Related: Help! She Found Her Boyfriend on Tinder

3. It’s a Game – There’s a reason why after you swipe right or left, you get a message that says, “Keep Playing?” Tinder is a game-like app. It’s today’s version of “hot or not” and people play games to win.

4. You want to see if you’ve been Super Liked – Let’s face it. It’s a popularity contest based on limited attraction of a photo with no knowledge at first of someone’s voice or personality. You open up the app and start swiping and BAM one potential date has super liked you. This means she thinks you’re hot. This means she will reply if you write to her. This makes you feel good temporarily.

6. It’s a Habit – I get it. You’re on the bus or subway and may be bored. You might be lying in bed alone at home. You open up Tinder and it’s entertainment until you arrive at your destination, or fall asleep. Habits are hard to break, especially when the ego is involved.

7. You’re Wired to Be a Hunter – While looking at pretty women offline walking by is something men of various relationship statuses have been doing for years, the number of attractive women or men you can find on Tinder is enormous. We’re talking over 50 million. It’s the largest digital playground, so chase you will, and swipe right you will, until you realize that you’d be hurting your SO big time when a friend tips her off that you’re still on Tinder.

Know one thing for sure. If you’re in an exclusive relationship and you don’t want to blow it, you delete Tinder. This doesn’t mean taking the mobile app off your phone, this means logging in and deactivating the account. There’s a big difference between the two.

Related: How to Delete Your Tinder Account

Deleting Tinder from your phone keeps your account active and your girlfriend’s girlfriends will see you as a potential match on a dating app. This isn’t Facebook, although there are a lot of folks in relationships dabbling on Tinder. This is where you go to say, “Hey, I’m available.” So if you don’t want an eruption in your love life and don’t want to post “It’s Complicated” on Facebook, take down your Tinder profile, withdraw for a few days or a week, and then look at the amazing person you’re in love with and realize it’s time for a chapter without Tinder.

Are you still active on Tinder or mobile dating apps, even though you’re in a committed relationship? Share your reasons in the comments as to why.

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades. Find out how Irresistible Profiles and Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.

Read our bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

There’s Always Room to Fill the Heart with Love

Quote heartbreakWhen the phone rings and someone calls to say they’re heartbroken and can’t imagine their life without the person who is gone, it’s my job to give them hope and to explain how the heart does heal in time.

Today’s quote was inspired by a coaching call with a woman who said her heart was completely broken. It had been shattered and she couldn’t imagine how she could go on with such an empty heart.

I explained to her that the heart fills up and depletes on a daily basis. You see the heart can’t be completely empty, or you wouldn’t have the ability to love your children, family, and friends at all if this was the case. You wouldn’t even be able to breathe, but you still can.

The heart fills up and depletes on a daily basis

The heart can be overflowing with love and joy when you first meet someone and you’re in the honeymoon phase. It’s so exciting you feel like it’s about to burst. Although it feels that way, it will not be bursting. You will be in a state of euphoria and often it’s temporary, for even those we love with all of our hearts, we go through phases of questioning the relationship, phases of disappointment or resentment when our needs aren’t being met, and then bounce back when we are in a state of joy again. It’s like a wave. There’s an ebb and flow to the wave as it comes crashing into the shore, each time reaching a different point on the sand or rocks.

Related: Irresistible Profiles to Help You Find Love

When it comes to matters of the heart, all forms of logic are tossed out the window. The stage of first love, early love and the pitter-patter of the heart feelings are real and when they are experienced, there’s nothing better.

So if you find that your relationship isn’t as fulfilling and that your heart is questioning it, it’s natural. Every day doesn’t have an overflowing heart, but it should have an appreciative heart. One that allows you to grow with an individual and to grow on your own.

You see, people are falling in love over and over again with their partner. There are different types of love, whether it’s lust, friendship, companionship, romantic love, or a deep passion. All of these types of feelings do exist with the same person. If a relationship can’t move past the three week or three month mark, then you were really existing in the lust phase only.

The heart is meant to last and move.

You see the heart is meant to last and move. It beats. You breathe in and you breathe out. Sometimes you can’t imagine anyone else in your life but the person you love or loved so deeply. Other times you wonder how any one person can decide on how full your heart should be. That’s more realistic.

The point here is when you’re unsure of your relationship or if your heart is hurting, know that it is temporary. The universe is like a vacuum. In time, the heart will fill up again. For some slowly, for others it can be rather quickly.

Related: Gone Fishing or Is it Over

To achieve the ultimate feeling of love, let the heart fill with your own personal joy to the point that anyone who joins you in this game of life is joining your already fully loved heart. Keep smiling as that will attract new people to you.  Know that you are always loved, even when you’re not sure you’re feeling it.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

P.S. If you need some hand holding, find out how Irresistible Coaching can help you get back on the dating saddle.

Related: 20 Flirty Text Messages to Capture His Heart

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades. For dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Mother’s Day – 10 Quotes to Warm Your Heart

Mother's Day QuoteIt’s Mother’s Day weekend and time to celebrate the moms, stepmoms, female mentors, aunts, grandmothers, and even great-grandmothers for all they do to create love and a happy family.

If you’re lucky to be spending Mother’s Day with friends and family, you are truly blessed. For those who are alone, this quotes will inspire you.

Many of you will be missing your mothers this weekend, if not every day.

Others will want to know what to do if you’re dating a single or divorced mom.

Related: Over 1/2 of Female Online Daters are Single Moms

Here are 10 quotes to honor all moms in your life.

Mother's Day Quote

“All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” ~Abraham Lincoln

Mother's Day quotes

“Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs, since the payment is pure love.”~Mildred Vermont

Mother's Day Quotes

“There is nothing as sincere as a mother’s kiss.” ~Saleem Sharma

Mother's Day Quotes

“But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because yours is where hers begins.”~Mitch Albom

Mother's Day Quotes

“I got to grow up with a mother who taught me to believe in me.” ~Antonio Villaraigosa

Mother's Day Quotes

“I can imagine no greater heroism than motherhood.” ~Lance Conrad

Mother's Day Quotes

“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.” ~Unknown

Mother's Day Quotes

“No gift to your mother can ever equal her gift to you – Life.” ~Anonymous
Mother's Day Quotes

“Mothers possess a power of beyond that of a king on his throne.” ~Mabel Hale

Wishing everyone on Mother’s Day much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

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Almost 1/2 Women Dating Online are Single Moms

Mother's Day SurveyIt’s Mother’s Day weekend and time to take a digital peek at the single mother’s who are dating online and what their kids think of their dates.

If you think being a single mom reduces your chance of finding love online, this is a misconception among many others. Read on.

According to dating site PlentyOfFish, a survey of their users revealed that 44% of women dating on the Internet are single moms and their reasons for going online and what they’re looking for may surprise you. With almost 28% of single moms admitting they’ve been dating online for over three years, this survey states that they might not be looking for a knight in white armor.

What’s exciting for single moms, it is turns out they’re finding love 10% faster than women without children at home. Does this mean you should post photos of your children in your online dating profile?

As an online dating expert and dating coach, I’m not a fan of having your children appear as your primary profile photo, but believe it’s important to state within the text portion of your profile that you’re proud of your children (and list their ages). It turns out that an overwhelming 76% of single moms do indeed mention their children and/or post photos of them in their profiles.

According to POF:

Like many online daters, single mothers are looking for partners they can relate to. Accordingly, they are 3.4 times more likely to date a single father than childless women are. In contrast, single moms are half as likely to date childless men as women with no children are.

But what do the kids have to say about their mom’s dates?
According to POF, 63% of moms said they’d consider their child’s disapproval of a potential partner as a major red flag or a deal-breaker.

Related: 10 Mother’s Day Quotes to Warm Your Heart

POF Mother's Day Survey - Chart 3 - updated

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other key findings include:

  • 1.2% are interested in meeting a clone of their ex, while 60.28% said they didn’t have a type.
  • 51.81% will introduce their date to their children once they are in a monogamous relationship.
  • 54.98% said that with their busy schedule, there was no time to meet anyone anywhere else.
  • 53.99% said that online dating allowed them to get to know someone without sacrificing time with their kid(s).
  • 56.97% are dating online to find a partnership, as compared to less than 1% who are looking for financial support.
  • 62.29% will go online whenever they can find a spare second, followed by weekday nights when their kids are asleep.

On this Mother’s Day, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. To find out how you can have an Irresistible Online Dating Profile, visit CyberDatingExpert.com and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

When you love someone deeply, you pass through the bumps on the road without hitting the stop sign.

Quote of the Day

@JulieSpira

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Bumble Now Makes Men Reply or Match Disappears

Bumble 24 hour replyTo help prevent ‘ghosting’ dating app Bumble has just evened the playing field for the guys with their new “24 Hour Reply” feature.

The app, where women make the first move, had originally required women to reply to a mutual match within 24 hours or the match would expire. The guys on the other digital hand, could wait to reply to the women as long as they wanted to.

As reported on Mashable, Bumble’s CEO Whitney Wolfe explained that men had “essentially forever” to respond to the women’s initial emails keeping the women waiting, or resulting in guys not replying at all.

Since Bumble’s launch, women have made the first move over 50 million times on the mobile dating app.

Now, Men Must Reply in 24 Hours on Bumble

Now the men will also be on a 24-hour notice as the countdown clock to reply to women will start once they receive an email.

Wolfe told Mashable that with LGBTQ couples, either person can start the communication within 24 hours, but the person who receives the first message must also adhere to the new 24-hour rule as well.

Earlier this year, I was interviewed by ABC News about Bumble and how it was empowering women everywhere and had become a favorite among men, who wire tired of swiping right and getting matches, but few replies from the women.

Watch: Why Women Like Bumble on ABC

The 24- hour timer will make men step up to the plate, or the match will disappear, forever.

I’ve always said, “the squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.” This puts this strategy to the test.

Bumble 24 hours

Source: Bumble

Bumble still will be empowering women by requiring that they make the first move when matched.

Earlier this year they added a new social networking feature to help you find a same sex friend to hang out with, expanding their service outside of dating.

Related: Bumble Helps You Find Your BFF

Guys, are you ready to step up to the digital plate and start chatting with the women?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for two decades. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and has been featured in the news over 1000 times on the subject of dating in a digital world.

Follow @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter for dating advice.

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Oh No! She Found Her Boyfriend on Tinder

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowHi Julie,

My name is Stephanie and back in December I met this guy on Tinder. We began talking and instantly hit it off. I had been away in another state so we couldn’t meet up right away so we continued to talk and FaceTime for about a month until meeting. I really liked him and was hoping that when we met it would lead to something real.

We met and the first date was pretty fun. It ended with a kiss. We continued to talk and hung out the week after. The 3rd date had come along and the day before we had had been texting and playing a word game. We sent each other words and we had to make up sentences from them. It was fun and flirty. He gave me the word “official” and I assumed and knew exactly what he wanted me to do with that word. I phrased it as a question and said, “will Stephanie and blank ever be official?”

He said that if we weren’t playing a game he would answer it which he did the next day when we met up. He asked if I wanted it to be official and I said yes. So fast forward about 2 and a half months and we are still together. The problem is that now our first issue has just come up. Recently I thought I had been seeing Tinder notifications on his phone. I didn’t confront him at first, which I should’ve done, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions because I wasn’t really sure what I had seen.

Related: Boyfriend is on Tinder – Should We Break Up

Since it was heavy on my mind I decided to make a fake profile myself and search through Tinder. I found his profile and was instantly disappointed. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for one second because I was convinced he forgot to delete it because he had mentioned forgetting to about two months prior.

What made me not give him that benefit was that there were two very recent pictures on his profile. I couldn’t believe he was using it behind my back. I was going to wait to bring it up when I saw him but I got so upset and I had to call him. I asked him and he said he just forgot to delete it. but his responses didn’t seem so honest. I asked him why the two recent pictures were on there he said because it’s connected to Facebook and he had put those photos on Facebook recently.

Since I myself had used Tinder before I remembered that Tinder does not just update your profile like that when you post pictures to Facebook. I couldn’t believe him because his responses were so vague. I asked him to screenshot his matches and he seemed very hesitant and said he had already deleted the app.

Related: How to Delete Your Profile on Tinder

We’ve been arguing non stop and nothing he says I can believe. Even if he wasn’t using it I feel that because he hasn’t reassured me how he feels about our relationship enough to a point that I feel secure, I cannot bring myself to trust him. I told him I don’t feel his feelings are genuine and he proceeded by saying he doesn’t believe mine are either since he was the first on to say “I love you.”

I now feel like he is resenting me for this and is lying about using Tinder. I asked him if he is keeping any other feelings inside and he said no. At this point I don’t know if he is manipulating me so he can distract me from his lies or is truly keeping so much in that he tried to find someone else behind my back.

I just want to know is this relationship worth it? Should I stay and learn how to trust him? Is he playing me because I didn’t confront him in person so he was able to delete everything before I saw? He has told me that my assumptions won’t let me believe him. I said I can’t trust him now. If it’s truly him keeping things in, how do I get him to be honest in the future and let him know that I won’t judge him if he just tells me how he feels?

I really want to be with him but. should I really do all this work to try and figure him out so he can be open, even though he is claiming not to be lying or keeping anything in. I was told to get him comfortable so his guard is down and he will then be honest with me. How do I do this?

The help would surely be appreciated. Thank you so much.

Julie’s reply:

Wow Stephanie!

I’m exhausted reading your email to me and I’m sure you’ve had a lot of sleepless nights. I’m sorry to hear this. I always say, seek and ye shall find.

Let’s start with number 1. You can’t manipulate him.

You can’t make him do anything, period. This isn’t about manipulation, catching him with his guard down to have a convo about his real feelings, or finding the magic wand to make you trust him after busting him with his active Tinder profile.

Number 2.  You saw his Tinder notifications.

It wasn’t just a hunch or the secret profile you created to confirm what you already saw. He has an active profile on Tinder. People join Tinder to date or to look for options.  Sure he could have been digital window shopping, but once you caught him, he had to come up with stories as to why it was there. It was there because he was curious or he isn’t committed to being official with anyone.

I know this hurts and you aren’t the only one this is happening to. I get emails every week from women and men who have found out their boyfriends or girlfriends are on Tinder or dating sites. If he was committed, he wouldn’t have had the app on his phone and been an active user.

Related: Dating Exclusively With an Active Profile Online

Number 3. You created a fake profile to bust him.

You say you can’t trust him, but can he trust you? Trust is huge. It’s everything in a relationship. It takes time to build and a split second to lose. At this point, your short relationship is in jeopardy. Why should he be worried that you’ll be staring at his phone or will continue to create fake profiles to see if he’s there or not. A woman’s intuition is powerful. You knew right away something wasn’t right. Creating the fake profile didn’t make your relationship stronger, it just turned you into a detective because you were hurt.

Number 4. Is this relationship worth this?

This question you ask isn’t easy to answer. I’ve never met your or your boyfriend. In all honesty, the damage is done.  You are saying you don’t believe him. He is creating stories to get out of the mess he’s in and you’re fighting all the time. This relationship had a great beginning, but all good relationships start out with a 3-month perfect phase. It’s what happens between months 3-6 and then 6-9 and then the year mark to determine if you have a relationship that can go the distance.

Related: How to Catch Your Cheating Boyfriend or Girlfriend on Tinder

If he wants to be on Tinder, just let him do so. Then create a REAL profile instead of a fake profile and start dating. You might just find someone you connect with more than this guy who’s been put on the “guilty until proven innocent” list.

Both of you aren’t perfect. So my best advice is to go ahead and date others. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other and push notifications from dating apps won’t ever be an issue again.

I’m sorry you’re hurting, but this is the dating process. You date and time will tell whether you have a relationship worth fighting for.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

xo

Julie

Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years and helping them on Swiping Right on their mobile phones. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

New App Lets You Swipe For Your Favorite Movies

Instead of spending your time just swiping to find love on your phone, now you can swipe to find your new favorite show to watch with your digital crush.

A new app called MightyTV has been dubbed the “Tinder for TV” by the Daily Mail, because it gives users the ability to “swipe away the frustration of what to watch next.”

But what’s so great about MightyTV compared to streaming services like Netflix? Well, MightyTV uses artificial intelligence to learn your personal preferences as you swipe through their selections. The AI is so good, that it learns your preference after 100 swipes and continues to get smarter at recommendations the more you swipe.

Related: 5 Dating Apps that Aren’t Tinder

According to the Daily Mail, the app was created by an ex-Google employee named Bryan Adams, who’s been trying to figure out a way to make discovery easier. Since people spend so much of their time searching for what to watch and less time streaming what they love, the MightyTV app solves this problem and is perfect for date night.

MIghtyTVHow to Use MightyTV App

  1. Download the app, create a profile, and begin swiping!
  2. The app will start to recognize your preferences and make suggestions specifically tailored to movies and TV shows you’re interested in.
  3. After creating your profile, you select which streaming services you have an account with (Netflix, Amazon Video, Hulu, HBO Go, Showtime, etc.).
  4. MightyTV will let you know which streaming service to use to watch the titles you’ve swiped right on.

Currently, MightyTV offers 11,000 videos in its inventory and is looking to grow over time with the goal to create a more personal experience centered around behavior and personal taste, versus genre-based suggestions. The app also aims to be predictive about what a user wants to watch instead of basing suggestions on what the user has previously watched.

Related: Bumble Dating App Now Helps You Find Your BFF

“We’re not trying to figure out if you love rom coms and then hit you with a lot of rom coms,” Bryan Adams said to AdExchanger. “We’re trying to create an individual taste profile for each person who uses it.”

This could also be a step to reuniting couples who’ve stopped watching TV together because they can’t decide what to watch. A feature called Mashup allows up to 10 people to combine opinions and swipe together. Mashup takes everyone’s preferences and places them all into a collective video playlist full of titles relevant to the group’s interests. This is perfect for couples, and even groups of friends, who have trouble agreeing what to watch find something that interests them both.

Keep swiping on your dating apps and start swiping on MightyTV, and you might just find a new digital crush AND a new show to fall in love with.

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Find out how Swiping Right and other Dating Apps will help YOU find LOVE

How to Catch Your Cheating BF or GF on Tinder

SwipebusterI never thought it would have to come to this, but with over 10 million daily active users and over 100 million downloads, there are some who still can’t retire their Tinder profiles when they’re obviously in a relationship.

Rather than playing cyber-sleuth on your own, a new site/service called Swipebuster launched to help you spy on your significant other. Yes, the story went viral and it’s targeted to those who aren’t taking down their Tinder profiles.

A Global Index report showed that reported that 42% of Tinder users aren’t actually single, so is Tinder a social networking app, a dating app, or a place for couples to look for Plan B on a lonely night?

I say, “seek and ye shall find.” If you think your SO has an active Tinder profile, chances are one of your friends will bust them and let you know. But if you want to see it for yourself, Swipe Buster will do the deed, for a cost.

Related: Help! I Found My Boyfriend on Tinder

Here’s how Swipebuster Works

  1. For $4.99 curious users can input into a search field the name, age, and location of anyone they want to check up on.
  2. Swipe Buster looks for users in that area who fit the search criteria and allows the searcher to see user photos, last log on time, and whether they’re seeking men or women.

Swipe Buster gif

If you’re wondering how Swipebuster is able to retrieve this information, it’s because your info on Tinder is PUBLIC.  Swipebuster retrieves the information from Tinder’s application programming interface, or API, which holds all of the information about its users.

Related: This Strategy Ups Your Tinder Game

Since Tinder’s API and database are public, this information is easily accessible to anyone with an understanding of computer code. But the average person isn’t a coder, so they do background checks, Google searches, and now they have Swipe Buster, as well.

Despite wanting to expose cheaters, the man behind the genius of Swipebuster has other motives.

“There is too much data about people that people themselves don’t know is available,” the creator, who prefers to remain anonymous, told Vanity Fair via phone. “Not only are people oversharing and putting out a lot of information about themselves, but companies are also not doing enough to let people know they’re doing it.”

The intent of Swipebuster was to use a popular company and a juicy lure to educate people about how much of their personal information is available to the public and how easy it is to access it without hacking or even breaking any laws.

What do you think? Do you like the idea of being able to expose someone whose relationship status isn’t single,  or does it make you uncomfortable that this information is available for anyone around the globe to see?

Related: How to Delete Your Tinder Account

If you want our opinion, save the money and keep your wallet closed. Ask your boyfriend or girlfriend if they’re still on Tinder if that’s where you met and wait for an honest reply and save the anxiety and the $4.95.

We’d like to hear your comments.

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Quote of the Day

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Quote of the Day

“The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” ~Albert Ellis

I’ve always said, “The squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.” There’s so much truth to that with online dating or mobile dating apps. There’s a fine line between being needy and sending too many emails, to checking in again with someone who didn’t respond a week or two later.

You see, women get bombarded with emails and messages from guys. Guys know that, so they send a large quantity of messages or swipe right on just about everyone since it’s a numbers game.

The way it works, is to be proactive with your love life. Don’t sit around and wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to appear and sweep you off your feet. Give someone a chance if they make the effort to try to get your attention. Even if there’s no chemistry with them, you might make a new friend or perhaps can introduce hi or her to someone you know who would be a better fit.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @Julie Spira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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