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Summer Love – The Benefits of Dating While on Vacation

Summer Heart

If your date card is empty, try casting a wider net and schedule some summertime dates, out-of-town.

The summer heat is rolling, school’s out, the airports are crowded, and it’s time to start thinking about summer love and your very own fireworks display.

The Fourth of July holiday is around the corner, National Kissing Day, just two days later on July 6th, and Match predicts the busiest day for dating this summer will be on Saturday, July 8th.

With that in mind, it’s also a busy time for online dating, with new singles joining dating sites to find a summer romance, or maybe even more.

As a dating coach, I always recommend that singles expand their search by changing their zip codes. If you knew the person of your dreams was in another city, would you be willing to hop on a plane to meet him or her?

RELATED: Pucker Up. It’s National Kissing Day

To make it easier to date while in vacation mode, I have two approaches that work well.

1. Act like your in vacation mode.

Have you ever noticed how friendly people are while they’re on vacation? They let their guards down and don’t size each other up based on their resumes and work history like they do at home. As a result, it’s easier to strike up a conversation with someone who’s sitting next to you on a plane, or poolside as you sip on a frozen libation. If your summer doesn’t include a fantastic trip to the Greek Islands, why not act as if you’re there? Try smiling more often, engaging with someone who’s not your usual type, and even the playing field while leaving work behind.

2. Go on a Date-Cation

This means getting prepared in advance, by joining or being very active on an online dating site before you leave, using mobile dating apps when you’re there, changing your profiles to indicate that you’ll be on vacation and listing the city, and going on dates every day while you’re gone. 

While the thought of becoming a serial dater while on vacation might not sound appealing, it’s effective, and you’ll have an opportunity to be the out-of-town girl or guy everyone wants to meet.

While I recommend going into the vacation zone for singles, whether they’re home or venturing out to another city, don’t just take my word for it.

RELATED: Summer Dating Profile Tips You Can Make Instantly

Online dating site Plenty of Fish polled over 1500 singles in the U.S. aged 18-60 to find out how they felt about dating while on vacation. It turns out the majority (over 70 percent) were open to the opportunity to go on a date while out of town.

While I’m not an advocate of the ‘Mile High Club,” 52 percent of singles in the POF survey had experienced having a great conversation with someone on the plane, and 20% actually hooked up on a plane or a train.

If you find yourself seated next to someone attractive and exciting, be bold and take it a step further.

Ask the person who you shared your life story with at 15,000 miles in the sky if they’d like to meet for a drink or go to a museum while you’re in town. 

Some other fun facts from the survey include:

  • 49 percent of singles had gone on a date while on vacation. 
  • 40 percent of singles had a vacation fling.
  • 22 percent of singles fell in love while on vacation.
  • 46 percent used a dating app to scope out singles in another city before traveling there. 
  • 16 percent of singles ended up in a long-term relationship with someone they met while on vacation.

All of these possibilities are just a click, swipe, or smile away.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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OkCupid Creates Right to Love Badge to Support ACLU

Ok Cupid ACLU Badge

One of our favorite online dating sites, OkCupid has partnered with the ACLU for a #RighttoLove Badge to show their support of ACLU, inclusion in honor of Pride month.

As reported on the OkCupid blog, 90% 0f OkCupid users who answered the YES to the question,”Do you support the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)?” will receive the badge.

Also, OkCupid will be donating $1 for each user who adds the badge to their profile, up to $50,000.

Ariel Charytan, CEO of OkCupid says on their blog, “Nothing is more attractive than people who believe in every individual’s #RightToLove who they want to love.”

The site reports a 64% Increase in Political Terms on Dater’s Profiles in 2018, and we see similar sentiments and trends at Cyber-Dating Expert, with singles swiping left on Trump supporters, or making politics a deal-breaker for dating.

RELATED: Love VS. Trump: Is Politics Polarizing Relationships?

The conversation about politics on OkCupid is working, as they report profiles that included politics are, “52% more likely to have mutual likes and 78% more likely to have a successful conversation than members who do not.”

Charytan adds, “At OkCupid, we’re proud to be a champion of inclusivity because we believe you should be able to love whomever you want, regardless of your gender, sexual orientation, or ethnicity.”

Interesting stats on daters who support the ACLU include:

Ok Cupid ACLU

  • They’re 4 times more likely to consider themselves feminist (and are looking to dating a feminist)
  • They’re 2 times as likely to have responded “hell no” to the question,”Trump?”
  • They’re 30 times more likely to believe in climate change.

Melissa Hobley, chief marketing officer at OkCupid, tells Refinery29, “LGBTQ communities using political filters on OkCupid comes from the feeling that their rights are under attack by the current presidential administration.” Hobley adds, “Many folks don’t want to have the experience of talking to someone, going on a date, only to find that they voted for Trump — because the stakes are very high.”

Every OkCupid user who answered the question of “do you support the ACLU” will receive the badge on their profile.

RELATED: Do Politics and Love Help or Hurt Your Relationship?

OkCupid was the first dating app to offer 22 gender and 12 orientation options on their users profiles.

OkCupid ACLU Badge

If you’re’ a member of OkCupid, click here to answer the question and to receive the badge.

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we believe in inclusion and love for all. We constantly track the trends of politics and dating. We know the importance of finding a date with similar attitudes and values, and are proud of the dating industry as they address these issues.

Julie Spira is and award-winning dating coach and America’s Top Online Dating Expert . She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs. As a political dating expert, Julie’s now writing her third book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships.

Joanna Coles Has New Rules for Finding Love in the Digital Age

Dating should be simple in today’s device-attached world with singles overly glued to their smartphones.

Does this mean finding a love online should be as easy as a few right swipes?

With the enormous and colorful bouquet of singles using dating apps and those hanging their hats on dating sites, it’s a big, beautiful digital playground, but how do you find your needle in the digital haystack?

To help with the cause, Joanna Coles, former editor in chief of Cosmopolitan and current chief content officer of Hearst magazines, published a new set of rules to help singles find love IRL.

In her new book, Love Rules: How to Find a Real Relationship in a Digital World, Coles compares food and dating in a menu-style list of 15 new flavorful rules and advises singles to use their love calories wisely to have an overall healthy life.

I spoke recently spoke to Coles about her new book and why the search for ‘the one’ is so exhausting.

JS: In your book, you make the dating process more fun, by comparing it to a perfect delicious menu and going on a love diet. Why are food and dating so similar?

JC: I think food and dating are similar because we have huge appetites for both. We can’t live without them. When they are delicious, nothing tastes better. When they are junky and toxic, they put us down. You need to use your love calories wisely.

JS: How did you come up with this idea?

JC: I spent a lot of time at Cosmo hearing about dating apps and what they were doing to people. They were swiping endlessly to make a connection, but women were having lengthy text relationships and spending a month or more texting back-and-forth. Then when they’d meet, it was often a disappointment.

JS: What’s your opinion of dating apps?

JC: Dating apps help us meet more people you wouldn’t run up against, but it can feel transactional, like supermarket shopping. People are still searching and craving true intimacy. Dating apps are great as long as you don’t think you’ll find ‘the one.’ with one swipe. Let the app and algorithms do their work. They’re a wonderful arrow in your quiver and can greatly expand your social network.

JS: You believe singles should stop texting and get on the phone. Why is the phone date so important?

JC: The benefit of phone dates is enormous. People think they can fast-forward or microwave the first stages of the relationship. With texting, you get a false sense of intimacy that’s one-dimensional. When you move to a phone date, it takes it to two-dimensions. Singles bring so many expectations to these phone dates and real-life dates with the hope that they will be “the one.” You will know so much just by hearing the sound of their voice.

JS: You list 15 new rules or love hacks. What are you five favorite rules?

JC: 1. Stop with the comfort foods. It’s okay to be a little hungry.

Sleeping with an ex is like eating a doughnut at 4 pm. It’s easy to reach out into your past to get something sweet and familiar, but one hour later, you’re filled with remorse and are still hungry for the real nutrition.



The bottom line: You don’t have to sleep with your ex.

JC: 2. Hookups are like french fries.

There’s no such thing as a casual hookup. Once you have sex with people, feelings start getting involved. Hookups and french fries are both delicious in the moment, but you’ll wake up full of dater’s remorse.

The bottom line: It’s OK to have a hook-up every once in a while if you can handle it.

JC: 3. Porn is like chewing gum—all artificial flavor.

Porn sex is not real sex. It’s done from the viewfinder of the camera, and not from the point of what feels good. Eating ‘Chicken McNuggets’ because you’re hungry isn’t the same as eating organic chicken.

The bottom line: Porn isn’t a role model for intimacy.

JC: 4. Look for relationship role models.

Dating is like being on a job interview, where a future employer will ask, “Who’s your role model?” You know who your relationship role model is, but you’d never ask your date who their role model is.

To find your relationship role model, Coles suggests you jot down a list of couples you admire and those you see supporting each other. They could be your parents or a mentor. Share your relationship role model with your date. Then, ask your him or her who their role model is and listen to their answer.

The goal is to look for someone with similar qualities as your role model.

The bottom line: It’s a unique question to ask to determine your date’s values.

JC: 5. Life is a feast. Take your place at the table.

Embrace imperfection and find a mate who loves you for yours.

The bottom line: Finding love is like fine dining, where take the time to go through all of the courses on the menu.

Not everyone is perfect, but someone will be perfect for you.

The big takeaway from the book is to not solely on dating apps, to pick up the phone to hear the sound of someone’s voice, and to realize you’re on a journey to find love by creating a better quality and happier life. 

 CLICK HERE to purchase a copy of Love Rules.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of Internet dating, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

7 Quotes for International Happiness Day

via GIPHY

It’s International Happiness Day and the first day of Spring!

It’s no coincidence that the start of this new season these two fall on the same day every year.

While finding happiness is an everyday goal, today we’re giving it an extra springtime boost of love. Also being happy is a great way to attract love, so start smiling and watch the miracles start to happen.

Enjoy these seven quotes about being happy from those I admire all week long, and feel free to share the love.

Happiness Day

1. “The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters.” – Audrey Hepburn

Ghandi Happiness Day

2. “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Lily Pulitzer - happiness

3. “Being happy never goes out of style.” – Lily Pulitzer

ben franklin - happiness

4. “The U.S. Constitution doesn’t guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.” – Benjamin Franklin

RELATED: eHarmony Says Half of Couples Are Very Happy

Eleanor Roosevelt Happiness

5. “Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Happiness - Goldie Hawn

6. “The only thing that will make you happy is being happy with who you are, and not who people think you are.” – Goldie Hawn

 

Happiness - leonardo di caprio

 

7. “If you can do what you do best and be happy, you’re further along in life than most people.” – Leonardo DiCaprio

Is being happy on your bucket list?

Get ready to smile and visit the official International Day of Happiness website where you can take the pledge to help create a happier world.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Instagram Julie SpiraThe Perils of Cyber-Datingtwitter - Julie Spira

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

10 Ways to Flirt BIG TIME on St. Patrick’s Day Weekend

Cyber Dating ExpertIt’s St. Patrick’s Day weekend, and since the holiday falls on a Saturday, the fun and activities will start on Friday.

How should you get in the spirit of this flirty holiday?

Should you be wearing green as an ice breaker?

Years ago, I would wear a button that said “Kiss Me, I’m Irish,” even though there wasn’t a speck of Irish blood in me.

To help ramp up your digital flirting skills, here’s the online dating expert’s guide to dating and flirting on St. Patrick’s Day.

1. Send a flirty text. Texting the the person you have a crush on to say “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” will brighten their day. Add a four-leaf clover emoji. Even if they aren’t Irish, chances are they’ll reply to you.

2. Wear green. Find the tackiest flashing buttons, goofiest, hats, and make sure to wear something green to celebrate. It’s the easiest way to strike up a conversation with someone on St. Patrick’s Day.

3. Change your dating profile. It’s time to mix it up online. Post a photo wearing something green, ask if someone wants to get lucky in love, post quotes about the luck of the Irish and St. Patrick’s Day on your profiles and on social media. Get bolder and post “Kiss me if you’re Irish.”

Start swiping right in the morning on Tinder, Bumble, or other mobile dating apps to find a date by the afternoon.

4. Send a GIF. Open your mobile dating app and send a fun animated GIF to your digital crush. These days, apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and even Facebook and Twitter are using Giphy.

5. Send an animated e-card. We’re big fans of JibJab!, where you send a customized a video or e-card starring you. It will come complete with background music and is guaranteed to give a smile or two.

6. Smile everywhere you go. A smile is contagious and everyone wants to be around someone who appears to be happy. Practice the 5-second stare while smiling at someone you would like to meet. It’s the cue for them to come over and wish you a “Happy St. Patrick’s Day.” Who knows where the conversation will lead?

7. Compliment everyone. You might normally run away from the guy with the tacky green tee shirt, but stop and say hello. Take it one step further and pose in a ‘selfie’ together. He won’t be able to help himself and will put his arm around you for the photo. If the sparks start to fly, it’s your invitation to continue the conversation. Be even bolder and post it, with permission of course, on Facebook or Instagram.

8. Find a parade. Go to a St. Patrick’s Day parade in your city. Everyone loves a parade and it will give you an excuse to start a conversation with those you end up bundled up with.

 

9. Go to the dog park. There’s a reason it’s called puppy love. Our friend Dr. Helen Fisher, Chief Science Officer of Match tells the New York Times that having a dog shows you’re caring and can make a good parent.

Match also reports that 50% of singles wouldn’t date someone who didn’t like pets. Put a green bandana on your dog’s collar and take a walk to the local dog park. Your dog will do the flirting for you and it will be a great conversation starter.

10. Make a Shamrock Shake. We have a healthy recipe for a Shamrock Shake that you’ll absolutely love and it can be a fun date idea. If you aren’t into buying the ingredients, and are flying solo, head to Starbucks for a coffee date and order a green tea Frappuccino, or go to a sushi bar and order green tea and green tea ice cream.

 

Wishing you much love, luck, and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top online dating expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and has been coaching singles on finding love online with her Irresistible Profiles for over 20 years.

Julie’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

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Why is My Boyfriend on Tinder?

Ask the Cyber-Dating ExpertOne of the most common questions we receive for our “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert” column is what to do when you find your boyfriend on Tinder or other mobile dating apps.

Here’s Ashley’s dilemma.

Dear Julie,

I have a huge relationship dilemma that is currently happening as I type this.

I have been together with my man for just over a year now. ( we don’t have the “title”)

I am 19 almost 20 and he is 23 turning 24. We have a dog together and he basically lives with me, just sleeps at home when he works nights. He cares a lot and is always here for me, but this is why I need advice.

My friend from my home town, which is an hour away from where I live, now sent me a message with a photo of him on Tinder. This has happened before but he was really good at lying about it not being him, I was just too blind.

I had to create a fake account and see for myself and within 5 swipes I swiped yes to him. Later on tonight he came on and matched with me and sent a message. I froze. I responded and started having a conversation and it still continues.

RELATED: HELP! My boyfriend Created a Tinder Profile After a Fight

He has no idea it’s me obviously nor does he even know I know he’s on there. I am very attached to him and he treats me well. We laugh and get along , but we do argue sometimes. I am very confused because I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want him going behind my back and doing this.

I have no idea what to do or even how to bring this up to him. I really need some advise on what I should do in this situation.

Dear Ashley,

You are one of many who asks this very same question.

First of all, you can’t control him going behind your back and going on Tinder to flirt with other girls. We don’t know if he’s meeting anyone, but this isn’t the first time he’s been busted on Tinder. Do you really think you can trust him?

He also hasn’t defined the relationship and given you the important label of girlfriend.

For him, it’s a relationship of convenience. For you, you’re hoping it’s more, but with his Tinder activity, it isn’t. At your age, you have plenty of options to meet men who will be crazy about you.

If he’s dating or flirting with others, you should as well. When it gets to the point that you have to create a fake profile to “catch” him on Tinder, the situation isn’t good. There’s no trust, and if you tell him you did that, it will get worse.

I haven’t met you or him, but my recommendation in cases like these (and I see it happen all the time) is to let him know that he means a lot to you, but it’s clear that you’re not looking for the same type of relationship.

Let him know you’d like to be a girlfriend in an exclusive relationship that has a future. He will either step up to the plate, or disappoint you, which gives you the freedom to find someone who will cherish you.

It’s time to have the convo, so you can find a relationship without being in a love triangle with Tinder.

RELATED: How to Delete Tinder When You Find The One

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Do you have a dating question for Online Dating Expert Julie Spira?

Submit your questions here and FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

It’s Showtime – Why the Super Bowl is Like Valentine’s Day

Valentine's Day versus the Super Bowl

It’s officially Super Bowl week and Valentine’s Day is two weeks from today.

I’ve gone on record saying the Super Bowl for men is like Valentine’s Day for women.

Super Bowl Sunday is a sacred day for most American men. It’s showtime as most guys count down the days, hours, and even minutes to their favorite television day of the year.

As we count down the days to the 52nd Super Bowl (LII) at US Bank Stadium in Minneapolis, whether you’re rooting for the AFC championship team, the New England Patriots or the NFC championships team, the Philadelphia Eagles, one thing is for sure, it’s going to be an emotional and exciting two weeks for both men and women alike.

It’s that big of a deal for both sexes and here are the reasons why.

Women often wonder if men hate Valentine’s Day and a report by WalletHub says 53% of women say they’d break up with their significant other if they got nothing for Valentine’s Day. The same report shows that 9 million marriage proposals will take place on February 14th.

 Valentine’s Day is the third-largest consumer holiday of the year, with over $18 billion dollars spent in the name of love!

Back to sports, men often wonder if the women are authentically cheering for their favorite team, or if they really like football at all.

Most men don’t want to be distracted by women while watching the game, unless they’re viewing the cheerleaders on TV. Guys wait all year for this day and romance is put on hold until one team gets the ring, one that doesn’t include a diamond center stone with the promise to have and to hold forever.

We know between football pools and the high cost of advertising, this Sunday will be an expensive day for many.

This year, the Super Bowl Sunday and Valentine’s Day are ten days apart.

With Valentine’s Day being held in the middle of the week on a Wednesday, some decide to celebrate the holiday over the weekend before, on February 10th-12th, or on the long President’s weekend of February 16th- 19th, to avoid the huge expense on that one night of the year.

The pressure on Valentine’s Day is enormous. The pressure for your favorite team to win the title of Super Bowl Champion is at an all-time high.

Valentine’s Day IS the Super Bowl of Dating

These next two weeks are truly a double-header, so enjoy the ride. Most guys won’t even make a dinner reservation or ask a girl out until after Super Bowl Sunday. I encourage you not to wait until the last minute to ask your date to be your Valentine, or you might find out that she’s made other plans.

RELATED: Valentine’s Countdown: How to Land a Date

Whether you’re a sports fan or a hopeless romantic, comparing the two will help you understand how important these days are for the opposite sex.

Why do I think the Super Bowl for men is like Valentine’s Day for women?

Quite simply, both men and women put all of their emotional energies into these two bigger-than-life events. Often, a woman doesn’t understand why watching two teams trying to score is so important to her guy. He just can’t miss this game. It’s the end of the season and the two best teams go for the ring.

Guys on the other hand, simply don’t understand that if you’re dating a woman and forget to plan something, just anything, for Valentine’s Day, you probably won’t get a date with her on February 15th, which ironically is “Singles Awareness Day” or any day after.

Guys, if you’re playing the field swiping right and left on mobile dating apps, or flirting on Tinder and Instagram, if you don’t ask our your digital crush, you lose.

Game over.

Men wait all year for the Super Bowl, this big day in television. Women wait for Valentine’s Day, with the hope that their special guy will either propose, offer to take his online dating profile down, or say “I love you” for the first time.

Women even secretly hope that the guy they are dating might want to change his Facebook status from ‘Single’ to ‘In a Relationship.’ It’s on the digital wish list for women, period.

Are you Prepared for Super Bowl and Valentine’s Day?

Men are very prepared for the Super Bowl. They decide which venue to view the game at and with whom they would like to spend watching the teams battle it out.

Women like to be prepared for Valentine’s Day. They start giving little hints out a month in advance about their favorite romantic restaurant, post photos of jewelry or trinkets on instagram and facebook, all with the hope the the guy they’re dating will take the cue and book a reservation before their favorite eatery is fully booked.

However in contrast, when a man’s favorite team loses the Super Bowl, he will be disappointed, but will get over it. He’ll know there’s another chance next year and will spend the entire football season rooting for his team. If a woman’s favorite beau, or someone she is dating ,doesn’t ask her out for Valentine’s Day, she won’t get over it. Expect a breakup or a big confrontation.

RELATED: 10 Valentine’s Date Ideas that Won’t Break the Bank

She’ll assume he’s romancing another woman and will know she’s not on the top of his list. Chances are, his shelf life as her “number one guy” will immediately expire. Unless he’s out of town on business or in a long-distance relationship, he won’t get another chance to romance her. No woman wants to be at the bottom of the dating totem pole, especially on Valentine’s Day. Expect to be unfriended, or don’t be surprised if she doesn’t return your phone calls or texts.

So whether you like football or not, love or hate Valentine’s Day, remember to talk to the person you are dating about what these days mean to both of you. If you’re single, use this opportunity to accept all invitations for both the Super Bowl and Valentine’s singles mixers. Even if your team loses and you’re dateless on the 14th, you’ll be casting a wider net and expanding your social circle.

Go ahead and accept that Super Bowl party invitation. If you’re single, you just might find a date in time for Valentine’s as well. It’s a win-win for everyone. If you need help with your profile or online dating advice, we’re here to help.

Related: Social Media Rules for Valentine’s Day

Which team will you be rooting for this Super Bowl and do you love, or hate Valentine’s Day?

Julie Spira is America’s Top online dating expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles for almost 25 years in finding love online. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Sign up for our Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Love vs. Trump: Is Politics Polarizing Relationships?

Love Vs. Trump: Politics Polarizing Relationships

It’s been one-year since Donald Trump took office, and singles are still dealing with the big political elephant in the room, our commander-in-chief and his tweets.

During the election, and in the aftermath since Trump became president, talking about politics has become critical when dating someone new, and to those within their existing relationships.

I recently wrote an essay, Can Love Survive Trump, where I revealed my big confession on how I struggled in my relationship with my long-term love. He had strong and vocal opposing views from mine when it came to politics.

As a dating coach, I believe I provide good dating advice on how to navigate the singles scene, even with politically opposite views. I also really believe in having a good debate. While coaching others on how to talk about politics on a date, I found I didn’t take my advice and kept silent about my complicated relationship status. I now feel liberated, and continue to coach and write about the great political divide.

Politics has become so divisive in dating, that conversations that start at the breakfast table end up on opposite sides in the bedroom. They often no longer include, “Sweet dreams” and a hug.

When one person walks in the Women’s March wearing a pink hat, and the other is jumping for joy about the new tax reform, it’s clear that talking about differing political views need to happen on the first date, if not sooner.

Dating Sites Weigh In

In a Match Singles in America study, they showed that talking about politics on a first date will result in a 91% chance of putting the second one on the calendar.

OkCupid found that 50% of its users won’t date someone with opposing political views. The site also found that users mentioning political words in their profiles increased by more than 1000% from 2015 to 2017.

OkCupid Trump

The site, known for asking provocative questions, has 19 questions about politics. “Trump?” received the most answers, with 74% responding “hell no” and only 4% answering “hell yes.” The most answered question was “Should guns be allowed in schools?” The most polarizing question is, “Did Russia hack the last US election?”

Mobile dating app profiles now include political terms, or instructions to “swipe left if you vote for Trump,” or “swipe right if you think Trump’s making America great again.”

Tinder Politics Dating Deal Breakers

Tinder states that 71% of their users won’t date a Trump supporter. Their Modern Dating Myths, released in April of 2017 showed, “Opposing political views were getting more left swipes.” Nine out of 10 of my dating coaching clients said that having similar political views with their dates are important to them.

Coffee Meets Bagel tells me their poll of 1320 members showed that the majority, 70%, who are Democrats said politics was impacting their dating lives, as compared to 43% of Republican singles.

Plenty of Fish conducted several surveys on politics and dating in 2016 and 2016 and offered some promising news.

POF found while the current political climate is tense, it’s starting to lighten up. They found that less than 1% of singles used the terms “Trump” or “Republican” or “Democrat” in their profiles. They also said that 90% of people had not broken up with someone over political views or party affiliation since the election and recommended not talking about politics on a first date.

Experts Weigh in on Trump and Politics

I spoke with Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and Chief Science Officer at Match, who said, “If singles feel very strongly about their political views, they should add it to their profiles.”

CNN Political Contributor and KABC Radio co-host John Phillips agrees with Fisher. “If both people are passionate and care about politics a great deal, it could be a problem,” said Fisher. “But then the relationship is probably doomed anyway.”

Dr. Fisher’s research indicates that people gravitate towards people who share their values. “For couples who are polar opposite politically, they just have to agree to disagree and find a way to respect each other,” Fisher said.

“People are going to stay strong in their positions because we aren’t talking about how you butter your toast,” said Fisher. “Things with the Dreamers and the immigrants is real and taps into basic values.”

Deal breakers for singles used to include height, smoking, and religion. They’ve been replaced with politics as a top deal breaker, with singles feeling more comfortable dating someone with same political views.

Phillips, who identifies as Republican, tells me that politics is more critical than ever in today’s dating world. “It’s more important than it used to be because the news has essentially become one endless talk show about politics,” said Phillips.

He believes politically charged opposite couples can co-exist in Trump’s America. “If Dodger fans can date Giants fans without the relationship ending in a 911 call, Trump and Clinton supporters can co-exist without domestic violence,” Phillips said.

Are we heading to a point where we can agree to disagree over an appetizer and enjoy crème brûlée for dessert? I sure hope so.

“There used to be water cooler topics. Now there’s one water cooler topic: politics,” adds Phillips.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years with the Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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7 Ways to Find a Date By Valentine’s Day

7 Ways to Find a Date for Valentine'sValentine’s is about one month away, and it’s countdown time for romance.

Some singles are stressing big time about how to find a date for the most romantic day of the year. Others could care less and will hang out with friends or hide under the sheets alone.

If finding a date for Valentine’s is on your list, I have great news for you. With a little effort and the help of your mobile phone, you can get lucky and find a date by Valentine’s Day.

7 tips for singles to get lucky in love by Valentine’s Day

1. RSVP to all events and parties

Whether it’s a business mixer or speed dating event, go out, dress up, and wear that smile of yours. Search for events on Eventbrite, Facebook, and don’t be shy.

2. Update your online dating profile

If your primary shot was from last year, or even six month ago, it’s outdated. It’s time for a digital facelift to show off the new you. Post photos from a recent trip and caption them if you can. Find your favorite photos that got the most likes on Facebook or Instagram, and add them to your profile. If you got a new puppy add a cute photo of your four-legged friend to your profile, but don’t use it as a primary shot.

RELATED: What to Do if He Doesn’t Ask Me Out for Valentine’s Day

3. Start Swiping! Download 3 mobile dating apps

Research shows that singles are using on average three mobile dating apps. They’re so easy to use and you can find a date in minutes, not days. A Pew research survey showed that the number of millennials using dating sites and apps has tripled in the last few years! Connect your instagram feed or spotify account to your mobile profile, so people can see exactly what you look like now, and know your musical taste.

4. Be proactive and Upgrade During Peak Times

It’s peak season, now through Valentine’s Day, with Sunday being one of the most popular days for onlien daters. I always say, “The squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.” If you’re online, write to 5-10 people a day. Respond quickly and turn on those push notifications to find out when your digital crush sends you a message!

Upgrade during peak times and rush hour for just a few dollars to a premium service on sites such as OkCupid and Match.

Use the “Boost” feature on Tinder to appear at the top of the list in a search, where you can be viewed more than 10 times than normal. Yes, for less than the price of one cup of coffee, it’s worth a shot.

5. Check out your single friends on Facebook 

Flirting on Facebook? If so, you’re not alone. Check out his or her relationship status and if it it says “single,” go ahead and start flirting on Facebook chat. Plenty of couples have found love on the world’s largest social network, as can be seen on FacebookLoveStories.com.

RELATED: Facebook Love Stories: Showcasing Tales of Romance and Dishing Out Tips for Dating on Social Media

6. Go to a restaurant or coffee shop with WIFI

Working from home? Why be alone when you can be out in public with your computer instead. Make sure to dress up and take walks to the restroom or pass by as many people as possible with a smile on your face. It will become your new office to work and flirt. Stop, stare, and smile.

7. Text an ex 

As a last resort, know that 20% of singles do text their former love on Valentine’s if they’re flying solo, and over 50% of singles have tried to get back together with an ex. Go ahead and send a quick Happy Valentine’s message with an emoticon to your former flame. If you decide to do so, do it in the morning, not at night, as he or she might be on a Valentine’s date, or they might look at you as a late night booty call.

RELATED: How to Get Back Together With Your Ex

Remember, although Valentine’s Day is a big day for couples, the day after, February 15th, is Singles Awareness Day. Either way, love yourself first and love will come your way.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Looking for help with dating? Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been named the Best Dating Coach of the Year in the 2017 iDate Awards and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and facebook. SIGN up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 
Photo credit: Fotolia

7 Ways to Shine During Online Dating’s Peak Season

Peak Season

There was a lot of excitement the first week of January leading up to “Dating Sunday,” a day proclaimed by Match as the busiest day of the year for online dating.

Other sites and apps also saw the surge in activity and joined in on the Dating Sunday excitement, including Plenty of Fish, Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and more.

As a guest on KENS TV in San Antonio and KHOU in Houston, I spoke with reporter Jeremy Baker, on why the first Sunday of a new year is always so active.

WATCH TV SEGMENT ON DATING SUNDAY WITH TIPS TO SPEED UP YOUR SEARCH

Baker’s mother met and married his stepfather after meeting in an AOL chat room in the 1990s, and he shares the history of online dating from the early days to the present, where singles are swiping on mobile dating apps.

Now that Dating Sunday is over, what should you do next?

If you missed the spike on Sunday while watching the Golden Globes, there’s no need to fret. Peak season is in full force right now, leading up to Valentine’s Day, just five weeks away.

There’s plenty of time to find love with some of these tips.

To get you armed for in online dating’s Peak Season, here are 7 online and mobile dating tips to help you get lucky, now through Valentine’s Day.

RELATED: Dating Sunday – January 7th Was the Busiest Day for Online Dating

1. Post 5 -7 new photos to your profile and caption them if you can.

2. View and “Like” profiles and photos of 10 people a day during peak season.

3. Log on for 1/2 hour, twice daily to see who has viewed your profile and written to you.

4. Write back to those who are messaging you on dating apps and sites within the 1-4 hours, the sooner the better.

5. Don’t be shy. Make the first move and message someone whose profile looks interesting.

6. Rewrite your profile and include some of your goals for the year. Whether it’s running a marathon to writing your first novel. They’re conversation breakers that make you unique.

7. Turn on push notifications, so you’ll know instantly who’s interested in you.

If you need some extra hand-holding, find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

RELATED: Is Dating Multiple People a Good Idea?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox

Photo credit: Fotolia

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