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Tinder ‘Reactions’ Helps You Let Your Date Know He’s Been Ghosted

Our friends at Tinder have added a new featured called ‘Reactions,’ to let you send your dude an animated gif to get the ball rolling, toss a virtual martini in his face if he’s acting like a d-bag, or give the digital heads up that he’s been ghosted.

Created by the women of Tinder, along with the help of comedian/actress Whitney Cummings, this new feature adds a little fun to the dating process instead of sending back boring texts that just say ‘hey.’ There are 10 animated gifs to choose from and the feature is starting to roll out now.

How it works is, you need to be in a convo with your match. In the in-text feature, next to the gif icon you’ll see a reaction icon. Click on the icon and select the reaction that’s perfect for the mood.

For my favorite topic of ghosting, one of their gifs will help you disappear with advanced notice.

Think he’s worth having a convo with, then here’s how you can let him know to get the ball rolling.

Tinder Reactions Ball GIf

RELATED: Tinder Love Expert Julie Spira on BuzzFeed

Ever think of tossing a drink in his face? With the Martini Reaction you can do so and he’ll get the hint and just might enjoy your humor as well.

Tinder Martini Reaction

If you think he’s really a great guy and he’s making you swoon, let him know by sending a few hearts reaction.

Tinder Reaction Gifs

For more details on the new ‘Reactions’ feature, check out the Tinder Blog and check out this video on how it works.

RELATED: Find out how Swiping Right Can Help You Find Your Dream Date

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online and now on their mobile apps with her IRRESISTIBLE PROFILES programs for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

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The Lonely Italian – Online Dating Movie

The Lonely Italian
 

It’s official! The film, The Lonely Italian has been released and you can watch it now!

It’s a hilarious movie, and I’m honored to have been the star’s online dating experts and coach. Watch early on as I help the lonely Italian Domenico Nesci navigate the waters of online dating and mobile dating apps. You name it, he’s tried it!

The film has already won two festival awards for Best Comedy Film in the San Diego International Film Festival and Best Film-USA in the Ferrara Film Festival.

Here’s a sneak peek at my dating coaching session on the first day of shooting.

From JDate to Tinder, 420 Dating to Fitness Singles, Domineco leaves no dating opportunity off the table.

Here’s the film trailer and it will have you ROTFL.

You can download the film digitally on your tablet or TV through Amazon, iTunes and more.

Click here to purchase or rent the movie.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s an award-winning dating coach and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, where she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

Julie Spira on KTLA With New Mobile App Features

Many thanks to KTLA’s Rich DeMuro, who interviewed me for this fun segment on mobile dating on Tech Report.

We talked about new features on mobile dating apps to speed up your search to find a Valentine’s date. Watch this video to learn about the latest tips to better your odds on Match, Bumble, and Tinder apps.

Mobile dating apps are all the rage. There are new niche dating apps to help you find a Valentine.  Are you making the most of these popular and apps?

READ MORE: KTLA: Original Post: Matchmaking Apps Add New Features To Help You Find a Date Fast

MATCH – The world’s largest dating site has been rolling out new features for their members.

  • Top Spot – For $2.99, your profile will appear at the top of a search for 60 minutes. Match says you’ll get three times more views with this feature.  You’ll also appear the in top 6 search results when members are searching for someone like you. You can view the countdown of the time remaining during your Top Spot session.  They actually show you the photos of who has viewed you in your search. You’ll also receive an activity summary via email once your session has expired.
  • Missed Connections – This free mobile only feature helps you fill your date card faster after you’ve crossed paths with them. You’ll be matched with others who could have been in the same restaurant, supermarket, etc.  You’ll have to opt-in to use this feature on your mobile app when it appears. Match says this will be less creepy that the old Craig’s List “Missed Connections” (we hope so). It’s similar to Happn’s location-based app, which is solely based on matching you with people you’ve crossed paths with. The trend of meeting IRL is important to dating apps and sites, to avoid ghosting, breadcrumbing, or just endless chats.

READ MORE: Match Adds New Missed Connections Feature

BUMBLE – This bumble bee hive apps let’s women make the first move. I call it the “Sadie Hawkins” of digital dating. Users set their distance and age parameters and start viewing matches. A simple swipe to the right says you’re interested. A swipe to the left says you’re not. If both parties swipe right, you’ll appear in the match queue, where the woman needs to strike up a chat within 24 hours. Once the match gets notified, they have to reply in 24 hours to get the chat going. If you swipe left in error, don’t worry. You get three free “backtracks” a day,  where you shake your phone to see the photo you swiped left to.

READ MORE: KTLA: Original Post: Matchmaking Apps Add New Features To Help You Find a Date Fast

Bumble Boost, their paid service, has a variety of pricing levels of one, three, or six months, or one year. 

Bumble Boost has some fun premium features including:

  • Beeline: You’ll see people who’ve liked you when you open up the app, instead of waiting to swipe right through profiles.
  • Rematch: You can get matched again with someone you didn’t have time to start a convo with. Those profiles will have a grey circle around them.
  • Extended Rematches: If you’re a busy bee, you can have unlimited extensions on your match. But then again, if you have time to open the app and extend, why not just say hello?

READ MORE: Bumble Makes Men Reply or Match Disappears

BumbleVid is their newest feature.  You can post 10-second videos to your profile that will be deleted in 24 hours.  I call it dating in a snapchat world.

TINDER – Tinder is losing the perception of only being a hook up app.  Tinder reports that 80 % of their users are looking for something more meaningful. Plus they’re seeing 1.4 billion swipes a day!

  • Smart Photos: This new feature will select your best photo and make it your primary profile shot. So if that selfie in the mirror doesn’t cut it, it will be moved to a secondary photo. It’s great because your best face will appear in a search.

READ MORE: Tinder Love Story: Adriana and Dave

Tinder Plus: This premium service costs about $9.99/month.  You’ll get unlimited swipes, as compared to the free service. You’ll can also get back your last left swipe with their rewind feature, as often as you like.

  • Passport: Planning a trip and looking to fill your date card before you arrive? Passport allows you to add other locations to search for and to appear in a search. Remember, dating apps are location-based, so your searches will show where you’re hanging out now. Just add a new city in a search and it will be on your Passport in your settings.

At the end of the digital day, there are an enormous amount of mobile dating apps. The average person using dating apps has downloaded 3.5 apps.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Need a little help with your dating life? Find out how our Irresistible Coaching will help you find your dream date.

FOLLOW @Julie Spira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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Mobile Love – Women are on a Swiping Frenzy on Dating Apps

Liftoff Mobile Dating Study
We know that men are swiping right and left on mobile apps in record numbers, but this study and infographic from Liftoff shows that it’s the women in North America who are more serious about finding a relationship on mobile apps than the men. The Liftoff team analyzed 20 of the top dating apps, with almost 3 billion dating app impressions, to see who was signing up for mobile apps across the world.

Women Are More Serious in Using Mobile Dating Apps

After analyzing the data, Liftoff says, “It’s clear that women are more serious mobile daters, while their male counterparts are far less committed–meaning marketers should aim cupid’s arrow at North American women.”

Does this mean men are swiping for hookups or convos only? This research calls women in North America “swipe happy,” and you thought men were swiping the most, right?

READ MORE: 12 Mobile Dating Apps for Different Relationship Goals

This study shows that compared to other popular app categories, dating apps have a much large user base with 91 million users worldwide, many of which open their mobile app over five times per day!

Summer is the Busiest Time for Mobile Dating Apps

Liftoff Mobile Dating

While many singles are in a swiping frenzy to find that last minute Valentine’s date, this research shows the busiest time for mobile dating apps is during the summer, when the heat rises online and IRL. Liftoff says registration rates for mobile dating apps peak in June and remain hot and heavy through September. Think summer romance? Probably so.

Other findings include that females register 100% more than men on Android and 107% than men on iOs.

READ MORE: 6 Mobile Dating Apps to Help You Find Love

What does this mean for singles looking for love on their mobile phones? It shows the level of intent for women, so guys, start getting serious, because the squeaky deal wins the mobile dating love lottery.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

FOLLOW Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for our FREE Weekly Flirt Newsletter

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online with her Irresistible Profiles programs for over 20 years. Julie’s the recent winner of the 2017 iDate Awards for Best Dating Coach and is the author of the bestseller The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and ranks as the most influential person in social media in “dating” and “online dating.”

Tinder Love Story – Adriana and Dave

Tinder Love Story - Adrianna and Dave

Meet Adriana and Dave who found love and marriage on Tinder. Find out how swiping right lead her into his arms and to the altar.

With Tinder now reporting that 80% of their members are looking for a serious or meaningful relationship, we’ll be featuring a series on couples who are happily in love, with the help of their mobile phones.

Here’s their Tinder Love Story, in Adriana’s words.

——————————————————————————————————————-

I have to admit, he was very good looking so instantly I wanted to see all of his photos. His photos weren’t of him “posing” though, they were of him being himself. There was a hilarious one of him being a goofball, one with his brother. No pictures with girls which was a huge bonus (*no girl needs the added drama of trying to figure out who the girl in the picture is ha hah). After “liking” his photos, I read his description, it read “I am a photographer and hairdresser and own hair salons. I like to have a good time and make-out”. Instantly I could infer that he had drive, was creative, and had found a hobby that filled him. And he liked to make-out – so I figured I had nothing to lose. 

RELATED: These Names Will Get You More Right Swipes on Tinder

It took about a month before we met in person. We started asking questions about each-other (where are you from, etc.) and the chemistry was instant. He was funny, we would respond with wit and humor, which made me that much more smitten and excited to meet. It took us a while to find a time that worked for both (which is why it took us a month!), but it was cool because when we would try to set-up a time, and we couldn’t because of x reason, we were really interested in what the other was doing, which made the conversations that much more dynamic.

I think there was so much great tension that built up from that cat-and-mouse chase that made it all that more exciting when we finally met. Since we had incredible energy in place, there was really no pressure when we met – which made it relaxed and quite possibly the best date of my life. We started with a movie, which actually was awesome because the silence, and how close we were sitting to each other, only heightened all the energy we had bottled up. Then we went for a drink at his favorite Indian place.

Then, a little buzzed, we went over to the most in-demand restaurant in SF, where we got what I swear was the sexiest table at the bar and ate and laughed until about 1, a.m. We ended at a dive-bar where we played pool, and finally, to end the night (and true to his profile description) we went back to his house to make-out. And yes, it was JUST to make-out – I had to leave him wanting more. 

RELATED: 12 Best  Mobile Dating Apps for Different Relationship Goals

The courtship definitely started right after our first date. I wish I could put it into words, but we both knew from that date that there was something special. The day after our first date, he helped me with a photography project. The day after that, we met up for lunch – and stayed together until dinner. The day after that, coffee – and before we knew it, we were inseparable.

From day one we were pretty much exclusive. I didn’t see anyone else after I met him, because I didn’t have to. I wasn’t missing out on anything. I felt that no one could possibly have what David had. He was handsome, funny, cultured, had so much confidence in himself but was somehow, at the same time, humble and equal to everyone around him. It has been the easiest relationship either of us has ever been in, and we say it all the time. We always wanted to hang-out with one-another, and every time we did (and still do) it was always (and still is) a good time.

If our personalities clash, they clash for two minutes, because after that, we forgive, forget about it, and we go on with our day. That’s how I knew he was the one – it was on a random night. We were in bed, just watching a movie and he had fallen asleep. Our legs were intertwined and we had just said our good nights and how much we loved each other. It wasn’t anything different to how we went to bed any other night – but that’s how I knew. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life going to bed saying I love you to him. And waking up by his kisses and hearing him say “my beautiful girl”. It’s our little, mundane routines that made me want to have a life with him. No matter what happens in the day, we always go to bed intertwined, and to me, that’s a pretty great life to have. Something I knew I wanted to keep.

RELATED: Why You Won’t Delete Tinder When You Meet The One

We’ve been together for almost 4 years and got married last April, so this year we’ll be celebrating our 1-year anniversary. Marriage has been incredible, and it’s so surreal but the most incredible feeling to look-up and see him doing whatever in the kitchen or living room, and knowing that he’s my husband. We love to travel, and have been doing tons of it, and before kids, that’s what we want to keep on doing. Family is huge for us, so kids are slowly but surely creeping into the picture, but for now, we want to be married. We want to enjoy each other, support growth in our careers, and develop something really strong so that when kids come along, we’re solid.

Congratulations to Adriana and Dave, who prove you can swipe right for love.

Photo credit: Samm Blake

Have you met someone special on Tinder or other mobile dating apps? We’d like to hear from you.  CONTACT US to share your story.

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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Mobile Dating App Use Will Be High over Thanksgiving Weekend

Mobile Dating AppsHang tight to your mobile phone this weekend.

Whether you’re feeling holiday love or holiday blues, one thing is for sure for singles who’d like to change their relationship status, they’ll be logging on and swiping right BIG TIME over Thanksgiving weekend and it might be a perfect time to reach out to your hometown sweetheart from years ago for a little reunion.

As a mobile dating expert, I always recommend keeping your location based app on to meet new people when you’re traveling or to change your zip code to the destination you’ll be going to in advance on your dating profile.

Tinder Sociologist and Cyber-Dating Expert friend Dr. Jess Carbino says, “People typically tend to be attracted to those with a similar demographic background – from age, occupation, education and more.Individuals who grow up in the same areas are more likely to have shared experiences, making home a great place for singles with similar values to connect.”

It’s Cuffing Season

I know it’s difficult being at the Thanksgiving table with your relatives asking you if you’re dating anyone special.  Add to it all of the holiday ornaments are going up earlier every year and the need to bundle up is at an all time high. This is why Cuffing season, when couples tend to connect leading up to the holidays has become a relationship phenomenon.

Our friends at Tinder have told us use of their mobile dating app increases during Thanksgiving weekend. Last year, they reported over 2.3 million swipes in the U.S. with over 17 million matches. That’s an increase of 23% compared to non-holiday weekends. So get ready to log on and swipe big time on your favorite mobile apps including Bumble, Grindr, Tinder, Zoosk, Match, OkCupid and more.

So if the family conversation is getting on your nerves, or if you’ve eaten too much turkey, excuse yourself and go into a room and get ready for a swiping frenzy this holiday weekend. If you haven’t hopped on a plane yet, change your search to the city you’ll be spending the holiday in or activate the Passport feature on Tinder to fill up your date card.

It’s Breakup Season

Remember, this time of year is filled with emotions. It’s also breakup season (ouch). Yes, couples who look deliriously happy on Facebook are breaking up around Thanksgiving and a whole new group of amazing people are feeling like you are. Single again.

We featured David McClandess’ Facebook Breakup Chart when it first came out a few years ago, but if you look at the spike in breakups, it starts around Thanksgiving and goes until just before Christmas. This was based on relationship status changes on Facebook.

Facebook Breakup Chart

Related: Deadly Breakup Obsessions

So let your mobile phone be your BFF this holiday weekend and give yourself permission to be attached to the phone before and after dinner.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating advice and love quotes.

Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter

This New Tinder Feature Will Help You Stand Out

Tinder Boost

Are you tired of swiping right on Tinder and waiting for a match to appear? Do you feel like you’re in a numbers game and it’s no longer fun to play anymore?

If you feel this way, you’re not alone.

Tinder has announced on their blog, a new feature rolling out called ‘Tinder Boost’ to help you appear at the top of a match search. This new feature will help you “skip the line,” so they say and will allow you to be viewed as a top profile for 30 minutes to increase your chances of getting a mutual match.

Related: Why You Won’t Delete Tinder When You’ve Found The One

Here’s how Tinder Boost Works

1. Make sure you’re in Tinder Mode (turn off the social feature)

2. A pop-up will appear asking if you want to skip the line.

3. Sign up for Boost and you’ve got 10 minutes to be in premium mode.

4. Watch the countdown clock and make sure you make the most of your 10 minutes.

5. Start matching, chatting, and meeting IRL.

Related: Bumble Makes Men Reply or the Match Disappears

P.S. Tinder Plus members get one free boost a week, so we suggest you use it on a Sunday or Monday night, where singles have either had a weekend of bad dates or were dateless and want to change that before the upcoming weekend.

Tinder’s sisters dating sites/apps Match and OkCupid are already charging singles to appear during peak hours and the Bumble dating app also has a boost premium feature.  The Tinder mega mobile dating app is now testing their boost service in Australia and will hopefully be in the U.S. soon.

Will you pay more on a mobile app to appear higher in a search?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.

For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram, and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Single Daters Decide Which Candidate They’d Like to Hang Out With

As the Presidential candidates continue to debate, our friends at Happn, one of our recommended mobile dating apps,  have shared with us which candidate their single members would rather hang out with, either Donald Trump (R) or Hillary Clinton (D).

Happn polled 965 of its users about what activities they would prefer to do with Trump or Hillary. The six options are based Happn’s latest “See You There” feature, which gets users to meet IRL for fun activities.

Are you ready to jog with Hillary or go on a night on the town with the Donald? See a movie with the Clinton’s or grab a drink with Donald? Before you turn on the television to watch the debate, read the results of this poll.

Get ready for the digital drum roll!

Presidential Debaate Happn

 

1.     Go out on the town: Trump slightly beat Clinton with 52% of the votes. The Donald also wins over swing state voters in this category with 65% over Clinton’s 35%. Fifty-five percent of millennials (20-29 year old respondents), 52% of both Gen Xers (40-49 year olds) and baby boomers (50-59 year olds) all want to party it up with Trump. But 66% of women choose Hillary along with 30-39 year olds, while 59% of men choose The Donald.

2.     Go for a run: Happn users are clear about who they want to hit the pavement with. Hillary ran past Donald with 64% of the votes opting for her as their “running mate.” Trump gets the vote from 18-19 year olds (65%), while Hillary leads with women (82%) and just barely takes the swing state vote (51%).

RELATED: Happn How Helps Users Meet Up With Matches Faster

3.     Get a drink: Do single daters prefer sipping martinis with Hillary or a (non-alcoholic) daiquiri with Donald? This vote was split 50-50. Women favor Hillary (72%), while men (59%) are down for a drink with Donald. But in the battleground states, Happn voters raise their glasses to Donald at 58%.

4.     Catch a movie: And the Oscar goes to… Hillary. She is the overall fan favorite (65%) and also takes home the award among women (84%) and in the swing states (55%). But Trump steals the show in a supporting role: 59% of 18-19 year olds would rather see a film with him.

5.     Grab a bite to eat: Happn users want to break bread with Clinton (61%) in addition to 20-29 year olds (60%), 30-39 year olds (64%), 40-49 year olds (57%), 50-59 year olds (64%), men (54%) and women (78%). But Trump won’t end up dining alone with 18-19 year olds (53%) willing to grab a snack with the Republican candidate.

RELATED: 6 Mobile Dating Apps You Should Be Using in 2016

6.     Go for a walk: When it comes time to slow it down and take a stroll, most Happn users choose Hillary as their “sole” mate. Nationally, 68% of users are interested in taking a walk with Hillary, as are 20-29 year olds (68%), 30-39 year olds (71%), 40-49 year olds (66%), 50-59 year olds (67%), women (83%), men (62%) and in the swing states (60%). But once again, 18-19 year olds are rallying behind Trump with 53% of the vote.

What about the Swing States?

Happn reports that the six swing states backing Trump include: Arizona, Florida, Iowa, Michigan, Nevada, and Virginia.

Meanwhile, Clinton gets the backing of the following six swing states: Colorado, Georgia, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Ohio, and Utah. Pennsylvania can’t decide who they’re putting in the White House – half want Hillary, half want Donald. (sigh).

Democrats or Republicans?

Forty-two percent of Happn respondents identified themselves as Democrats, with 16% saying they were Republicans. Forty-two percent have either no political affiliation or selected “Other” (i.e. Libertarian, Green, Constitution).

*This article published by Cyber-Dating Expert, LLC and it’s affiliates do not endorse any political candidate

Will you be watching the debate?

P.S. If you haven’t registered to vote, we urge you to do now right here.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles for over two decades on how to find love on the Internet and on mobile dating apps.

Read More on Mobile Dating

Follow @Julie Spira on Twitter for dating advice and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

What Happens to Relationships When Summer Ends

text end of summer on beach

Summer Love Affairs

From teenage crushes to boomers with empty nests, something odd happens around Labor Day weekend for many relationships. When you hit the 3-month mark, the honeymoon phase, it’s common to see a shift. It may be a tell tale sign that your relationship can’t go the distance, or you just might be getting tested for the next phase.

For those flying solo, the end of summer can be a reflective time thinking about your relationship status as you head into the holiday season, kicking off with Labor Day.

When summer is over, wardrobes change in closets, the temperature starts to dip, and inevitably a summer romance, one that went from Memorial Day to Labor Day, often runs its course. It’s often a time where relationships fall by the wayside. Before you call it quits, read this entire post to determine if your relationship is worth saving. If you’re already single, then I have good news for you. You’ll be in good company with many others who are looking for someone just like you and this weekend will be hopping digitally, big time.

Also, with students leaving for college, some students will find themselves in a long-distance relationship, which has its own set of challenges.

Single parents with children going back to school, will find their calendars split between parent-teacher meetings and filling up their date cards. It’s a new season, so get ready for the ride.

If you’re logging on to dating sites more often this weekend, you’re not alone. Sunday will be a peak day of the holiday weekend for new sign ups and log ins for singles who’d like to change their status to “In a Relationship” before the year is over.

Does a Change of Season Mean Your Relationship Has to End?

With the change of seasons, how do you know if you can handle a long distance relationship this fall? If your significant other is still in town, how do you know if your passionate summer love was just a fling or the real thing?

If you notice your relationship is tapering off as we lead into Labor Day, should you part ways as friends now that summer is over and wish each other well, or sign up for another season of love? These I can guarantee you are questions that you will be asking yourself. I suggest you take the time to really think about the next relationship stage.

Related: How to Handle the Dreaded Pull Back

The Four Seasons of a Long Term Relationship

I’ve always said that long-term relationships should go through multiple seasons to determine if you’re compatible with your significant other or not. Yes, winter, spring, summer and fall. All of them, each with their unique beauty and differences can help you pass the test of time.

First Three Months

As cliché as it sounds, we know there is some validity to the three-month honeymoon phase. At first, you’ll find everything about the other person to be exciting. It’s like having a first crush all over again. From giggles and hiccups to their exercise regime, you just suck it all in like a sponge that won’t dry out in those early days, especially in a summer romance. All those cute text messages are becoming part of your daily regime. It gives you a high just to hear the customized sound of your partner’s text tone.

When these relationships peak in the summer, it’s often hard to tell whether it’s lust or love with all of the outdoor heat, but oddly, as the summer ends, it’s not unusual to start receiving less text messages from your beau, or to want to spend more time with your friends instead. The days in between getting together seem to be getting longer while the days start to become shorter. The routine of your love life just isn’t as exciting as it used to be.

Months 3-6

During months 3-6, the “imperfect stage,” don’t be surprised if your single friends see your steady sweetie’s profile reactivated online. He or she may just be fishing to see who else might send a text or email, even if they aren’t setting up any dates. Then a Facebook check in mysteriously appears when someone is supposed to be home sick and boom, they’re busted and you’re in tears. During this phase, you should be enjoying time with each others’ friends and family to see how everyone fits in, or not.

If you can relate to these feelings or sequence of events, the problem may not be with the calendar, but more often-than-not be related to serious commitment issues that one of you may be struggling with.

The next think you know, someone isn’t sure if they’re feeling it anymore. Rather than be honest about the relationship, they’re cultivating conversations on Facebook with high school or college pals to create distance, and the trust dissipates. It’s the beginning of the end and it hurts big time.

Weather changes, months change, routines change and even those relationships with the best of intentions run their course. At the end of the summer, it’s like the end of the calendar year. People reevaluate their relationship statuses and decide whether to renew for another three months.

Related: What to Do When He Pulls Back

By months 6-9 and 9-12, you’re probably in a committed relationship. You’ve defined the relationship and might even talk about moving in together or the future.  This doesn’t mean you won’t feel a shift at the end of the summer. It might be just a bump on the road, but it’s a time to review your relationship status and see if you’re on the same page.

What to Do if Your Summer Romance is Fading

If you feel a distance growing between the two of you, this is what you need to do.

Have the conversation first with your partner sooner, rather than later.

Don’t toss away the relationship so quickly. Acknowledge all of the amazing things you’ve done together as a couple and honor the memories you’ve shared. Ask the other person if there’s anything they can do to keep the relationship alive. Space apart isn’t the end of the world, or even the end of your relationship. Often someone needs some time to miss the other and pulls back to regain their sense of self and individuality.  Remember, bumps on the road are an opportunity for personal growth within a relationship, and are not necessarily the beginning of the end.

Say goodbye gracefully.

If at the end of your conversation, you feel you aren’t compatible or if someone has already strayed, wish each other well before you start logging on or swiping right on your mobile apps looking for a replacement.

If it’s really over, it’s important to mourn the loss of your relationship, because your friendship, bond and the daily connectivity will abruptly end. Trying to get together immediately as friends during this emotional time is not a good idea. It will backfire. There’s no such thing as a mutual breakup where everyone is happy. One person might think it will lessen their guilt. I’m here to tell you that it won’t. You fell in love with someone for a reason, not a season.

Related: Time to Let Go of Your Ex

Take a breather and make time for you!

If you find that your summer love has ended, don’t reactivate your online dating profile or mobile dating apps for at least a week. Sure it’s great for your ego to get people lining up to meet you for dates, but it isn’t fair for someone new not to get the best version of you. Dating while you’re still pining away for your ex can increase your sadness. You’re a walking-wounded person and it’s healthy to take a break.

Can you Really be Friends with Your Ex?

Some people stay friends with their ex’s and have no problem with it, but I can tell you it doesn’t happen seamlessly and instantly. My ex-boyfriend is one of my best friends, but it took time to get to that point and we had a serious talk about boundaries. Also the guy I originally wrote this article about three years ago just sent a text over Labor Day weekend, after disappearing many years ago.

After enough time has gone by and you both have moved on with other relationships, it’s possible to be friends with your summer romance in another season, but in my experience, you truly need at least three to six months to segue a romantic relationship into a real friendship (without benefits or jealousy).

But then again, do you really want to be friends with someone who broke your heart?

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Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram. Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

What to Do if Your Boss Sees Your Dating Profile

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowIt’s bound to happen, you nervously put up an online dating profile with the hope of finding someone special to date, and suddenly it’s spotted by your boss, your neighbor, parents of friends of your kids, co-workers and more.

As a dating expert and coach, I’ve seen this happen to many of you. In my relationship column on Bikini, a female reader asked this question.

Q: I caught my boss checking me out on a dating website? I’m not sure if I should be excited or disturbed

A: Of course your boss is on a dating site or a mobile app. So are you and over 50 million other singles, including people who don’t know about your relationship status. It does feel like a creepy boundary issue, doesn’t it?  Chances are your boss was scrolling through hundreds of profiles photos in your geographic area and your familiar face popped up on the screen or on his mobile phone, so it was natural to take a peek at your profile.

So many sites allow you to see who has viewed your profile, so this isn’t unusual. Before you start comparing bad dates with your superior, my best advice is to ignore it. Then take matters into your own hands and block your boss from viewing your profile. I call it digital housekeeping. This way he or she won’t appear in your search and you won’t appear in theirs.

Both of you now know you’re on the same dating site and it could be just as uncomfortable for him or her as well. If your boss happens to mention viewing your profile, don’t have a meltdown. Just say, you’re single and dating and can’t think of a better way to meet someone outside of work than by joining an online dating site and mobile dating apps.

At some point, you’ll meet an amazing guy and will be taking your profile down anyway.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

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