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Should I ask a Guy His Last Name Before a Date?

Dating Advice - What's Your Name

Part of dating includes being organized, and if you’re using dating apps and find there are several men named Steve, should you ask them their last names?

One of my dating coaching clients posed this question, as she was preparing for her second date with someone she met online.  The truth is, she really wanted to check him out, and by asking for his last name, she thought she could get some information about him to help her feel safe.

How should she ask him, and should she even ask at all?

My response was simply not to ask for his last name.

Here’s why.

When someone asks for your last name on the phone, it’s basic code for letting you know they’ll be doing a google search, or maybe even digging deeper into a background search. 

I asked her how she’d feel if her date did the same, checked out where she lived, if she owned or rented, or any other personal or financial information. She replied that she wouldn’t have liked that either.

What I suggested, was to tell her date that she’d meet him at the theatre, to thank him for offering to pick her up, and to let him know that she’d like to take him up on his chivalrous offer to pick her up on a future date.

This way, she’s playing it cautious, acknowledging that he’s a gentleman, and letting the conversation flow during their date, where possibly more will naturally be revealed.

If she’s still stuck on getting the last name, I suggested she share hers with him casually, knowing that he’d probably reply with his.

Remember, it’s a date, not a deposition.

No one wants to feel interrogated about their net worth, but everyone wants to feel comfortable and safe.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is an award-winning dating coach, and America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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The Business of Online Dating and Mobile Dating Apps

In an interview with Rachel of CGTN America, Cyber-Dating Expert’s founder Julie Spira speaks with Rachelle Akuffo about the mobile dating industry in the United States.

With apps including Match, Tinder, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish in the Match Group, to Bumble, and comparing mobile app usage with social networks, we took a look at the digital landscape for singles looking for love.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the Founder and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, a dating coaching company, and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over two decades with her Irresistible Coaching programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Who’s Getting the Most Right Swipes on Tinder?

Tinder Right Swipes 2018
Tinder, the swiping sensation in mobile dating apps has released their list of the top 15 most popular jobs that singles are swiping right to in 2018.

With such a small amount of digital real estate available for your mobile dating app profile, including your job is a must to determine attraction from a potential match.

As reported in Business Insider, the 2018 list includes Registered Nurse for women, and Interior Designer for men on top.

The professions that appeared in both sexes include selection a College/Graduate Student, Founder/Entrepreneur, and a Lawyer.

I’ve often thought that dating a firefighter was a sexy selection, while dating a female masseuse seemed romantic, and Tinder verifies those to be true.

RELATED: Why is my Boyfriend on Tinder?

The full list includes the following:

Women

  1. Registered Nurse
  2. Dentist
  3. Photographer
  4. College/Graduate Student
  5. Pharmacist
  6. Teacher
  7. Flight Attendant
  8. Founder/Entrepreneur
  9. Personal Trainer
  10. Waitress/Bartender
  11. Physical Therapist
  12. Journalist
  13. Makeup Artist
  14. Lawyer
  15. Marketing Manager

RELATED: Tinder Dating Expert on BuzzFeed (Video)

Men

  1. Interior Designer
  2. Pilot
  3. Physician’s Assistant
  4. Lawyer
  5. PR/Communications
  6. Producer
  7. Visual Designer
  8. Model
  9. College/Graduate Student
  10. Engineer
  11. Veterinarian
  12. Teacher
  13. Chiropractor
  14. Firefighter/Paramedic
  15. Founder/Entrepreneur

Is your profession on this list?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of the Internet, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

Photo Credit: Fotolia

Julie Spira on Finding Love Online for the Jewish New Year

Jewish Dating

Photo credit: Fotolia

In my world, every day is like Valentine’s Day.

Summer love isn’t on it’s way out. The last day of summer is on September 22nd.

For Jewish singles, we’re As we head into the Jewish holidays of Rosh HaShana, the Jewish New Year on September 9th, leading into and Yom Kippur on September 19th, it coincidentally occurs around the same time as ‘Cuffing Season,’ where couples tend to find a partner to make a commitment to in the fall.

RELATED: YOUR GUIDE TO CUFFING SEASON – GET READY TO COUPLE UP

Singles really want to connect and the Jewish New Year is really the start of the overall holiday season.

In conversation with the Jewish Journal, I spoke with writer Debra Eckerling on how Jewish singles can find love online, which was featured in the print edition of the newspaper, in the “Just Asking” column on page 62.

The online version can be found online here.

“We love our work, but we should also have love in our lives,” Spira told the Journal, “and love our partner, if we have time to find one.”

For Jewish singles looking for love, I recommend joining a site or mobile dating app such as JDate, JSwipe, or JCrush, and making sure your profiles on Match, eHarmony, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, or Zoosk, and indicate that you’re Jewish, if faith is important to you.

“When it comes to matters of the heart, you need to leave the boardroom out of the bedroom. Being only in work mode leaves no room for someone to feel romantic. Women need to be able to shift, talk about different things over dinner. If you only talk about your career, you will be in the friend zone forever.”

Sometimes a summer romance will lead to marriage, as evidenced in a recent survey from Plenty of Fish, and we’ve got a few weeks left of summer.

Know that many summer romances don’t last, and when a door closes, another opens, especially with the thoughts of a sweet, New Year.  If that’s the case, here’s  how to end it gracefully.

RELATED: WHAT HAPPENS TO RELATIONSHIPS WHEN SUMMER ENDS

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

FOLLOW Online Dating Expert Julie Spira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram @JulieSpira.

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Did you know that we now offer dating coaching by the minute? Download the app here  for iOs mobile phones and tablets, and let’s chat now.

Book Julie Spira

SURVEY: Online Daters Are OK Dating Non-Drinkers; Most Prefer Drinking on a 1st Date

 

Coffee Date

Photo credit: Fotolia

Do you have to drink while on a date?

While singles aspire to have a unique and memorable first date (after all, he or she could be ‘the one’), more often than not, someone you will meet on an online dating site or mobile dating app will ask you to get together for the default date of “drinks” or “coffee.”

While meeting someone at a happy hour, could advance to dinner, what do you do if you don’t drink alcohol? Should you fake it, or order a “mocktail?”

In polling over 8,000 online daters and analyzing over 100,000 messages, dating app Zoosk asked these questions and more for this Drinking Study.

Zoosk Drinking Study

Some of their findings show that singles are drinking big time on dates, with the majority, 72% consuming alcohol.

Since 1/3 of singles are non-drinkers, and it can help relax you if you’re nervous about a date, how does dating sans alcohol affect their dating lives?

No one should feel pressured at all on a first, date, but the Zoosk Drinking Study found that 10% of singles actually pretended to sip an alcoholic drink while on a date.

RELATED: 10 Fun Summer 1st-Date Ideas That Are More Fun Than Just Grabbing a Drink

How do singles really feel about drinking on a date?

  • A majority of singles (92%) order their first drink before their date arrives.
  • A majority of singles (73%) believe meeting for drinks makes a good first date.
  • Over half of singles (55%) think two (2) drinks should be the maximum on a date.
  • Mentioning “sparkling wine” in your online dating profile or message increases  your response rate by 29%.

All of this pressure to drink to feel more relaxed on date isn’t that necessary.

Zoosk Drinking Study

The study found that almost a third of non-drinkers find it more difficult to date when they didn’t drink, but it’s not all doom-and-gloom.

A majority of drinking singles (86%) say they’d date a non-drinker, and non-drinkers (81%) are open to dating those who drink alcohol.

RELATED: Summer Dating Profile Tips You Can Make Instantly

What’s the solution?

If you feel the pressure to order a beverage, and you’re not interested in getting a buzz, try ordering kombucha, ginger ale, tonic and water, cranberry and soda, iced-tea, or an espresso.

Or, in the alternative, suggest a fun outing or daytime date that doesn’t include alcohol.

We’ve got plenty to choose from here.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Summer Love – The Benefits of Dating While on Vacation

Summer Heart

If your date card is empty, try casting a wider net and schedule some summertime dates, out-of-town.

The summer heat is rolling, school’s out, the airports are crowded, and it’s time to start thinking about summer love and your very own fireworks display.

The Fourth of July holiday is around the corner, National Kissing Day, just two days later on July 6th, and Match predicts the busiest day for dating this summer will be on Saturday, July 8th.

With that in mind, it’s also a busy time for online dating, with new singles joining dating sites to find a summer romance, or maybe even more.

As a dating coach, I always recommend that singles expand their search by changing their zip codes. If you knew the person of your dreams was in another city, would you be willing to hop on a plane to meet him or her?

RELATED: Pucker Up. It’s National Kissing Day

To make it easier to date while in vacation mode, I have two approaches that work well.

1. Act like your in vacation mode.

Have you ever noticed how friendly people are while they’re on vacation? They let their guards down and don’t size each other up based on their resumes and work history like they do at home. As a result, it’s easier to strike up a conversation with someone who’s sitting next to you on a plane, or poolside as you sip on a frozen libation. If your summer doesn’t include a fantastic trip to the Greek Islands, why not act as if you’re there? Try smiling more often, engaging with someone who’s not your usual type, and even the playing field while leaving work behind.

2. Go on a Date-Cation

This means getting prepared in advance, by joining or being very active on an online dating site before you leave, using mobile dating apps when you’re there, changing your profiles to indicate that you’ll be on vacation and listing the city, and going on dates every day while you’re gone. 

While the thought of becoming a serial dater while on vacation might not sound appealing, it’s effective, and you’ll have an opportunity to be the out-of-town girl or guy everyone wants to meet.

While I recommend going into the vacation zone for singles, whether they’re home or venturing out to another city, don’t just take my word for it.

RELATED: Summer Dating Profile Tips You Can Make Instantly

Online dating site Plenty of Fish polled over 1500 singles in the U.S. aged 18-60 to find out how they felt about dating while on vacation. It turns out the majority (over 70 percent) were open to the opportunity to go on a date while out of town.

While I’m not an advocate of the ‘Mile High Club,” 52 percent of singles in the POF survey had experienced having a great conversation with someone on the plane, and 20% actually hooked up on a plane or a train.

If you find yourself seated next to someone attractive and exciting, be bold and take it a step further.

Ask the person who you shared your life story with at 15,000 miles in the sky if they’d like to meet for a drink or go to a museum while you’re in town. 

Some other fun facts from the survey include:

  • 49 percent of singles had gone on a date while on vacation. 
  • 40 percent of singles had a vacation fling.
  • 22 percent of singles fell in love while on vacation.
  • 46 percent used a dating app to scope out singles in another city before traveling there. 
  • 16 percent of singles ended up in a long-term relationship with someone they met while on vacation.

All of these possibilities are just a click, swipe, or smile away.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love online for 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

The Games Singles Play – Match Launches Crown App in LA

Crown Dating App
Match keeps growing as the biggest player in the dating industry and has just added a crowned jewel to their portfolio.

At a swanky West Hollywood rooftop party, the Match team came to celebrate their new dating-game app, Crown, starting in the Los Angeles market.

How Crown works is, instead of swiping on one potential date at a time as you would on Tinder or Bumble, users are presented with 16 matches every day at noon, with two profiles on the screen at one time. Once you “crown” or select your favorite of the two, you continue in pairs until the first round is over.

The players or potential dates then move into the second round of eight, where once again you can view and select one of the two until you eventually reach the final four, where you officially have the opportunity to chat with those from the four profiles you’ve crowned.

Does it sound like March Madness? Well, it’s similar, but the end-game is to find one to four matches to strike up a chat with and hopefully meet IRL.

RELATED: Summer Dating Profile Tips You Can Make Instantly

I asked Match Group’s VP, Andy Chen, why he thinks gamification is a great way to find a date.

“The attraction to games is that they are naturally fun, there is excitement in terms of anticipation and the chance to win that creates a sense of payoff,” says Chen. “The experience with Crown feels more fun to our users than other dating apps on the market because it mimics these same elements.”

Chen flew to Los Angeles from the Match HQ with other executives, as well as the app’s creator, Patricia Parker from the Match products and events teams.

Parker’s idea was the winner from about 60-100 apps that were presented internally at the company’s internal “ideathon.”

“I met my husband on Match, so initially I was trying to think of dating things that were overwhelming for me,” says Parker.

Her inspiration? “Initially it just started off with, what can we do to get a limited amount of people, and this idea of choosing one person over the other, which is such a natural way of how you choose anything from the grocery store to matches on any other dating app,” says Parker. “The gamification part came later.”

RELATED: Cyber Love Story – Melissa and Ross

Chen tells me that people are craving a more focused and curated online dating experience. “We also find that choosing between two users is an easier and more fun approach than swiping through endless profiles,” says Chen. 

If you’re tired of swiping right and left on mobile dating apps, I believe this new dating game app launched by Match may help soothe the brain and fill up your date cards with quality matches.

Dr. Helen Fisher, Match Group’s Chief Scientific Advisor explains, “Crown solves the single biggest problem in online dating today: ‘cognitive overload.’”

According to Dr. Fisher, “the human brain is simply not built to choose between hundreds of potential suitors—as all the current dating apps require singles to do.”

Crown wants singles to have a more focused experience; long enough for them to discover new people but short enough to avoid the fatigue that singles struggle with, and to leave just enough anticipation for the next day’s batch of matches.

Crown Dating AppIf you’re Gen Z or Millennial in the Los Angeles area, you can download the Crown app on iOs HERE.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, and has been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

OkCupid Creates Right to Love Badge to Support ACLU

Ok Cupid ACLU Badge

One of our favorite online dating sites, OkCupid has partnered with the ACLU for a #RighttoLove Badge to show their support of ACLU, inclusion in honor of Pride month.

As reported on the OkCupid blog, 90% 0f OkCupid users who answered the YES to the question,”Do you support the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)?” will receive the badge.

Also, OkCupid will be donating $1 for each user who adds the badge to their profile, up to $50,000.

Ariel Charytan, CEO of OkCupid says on their blog, “Nothing is more attractive than people who believe in every individual’s #RightToLove who they want to love.”

The site reports a 64% Increase in Political Terms on Dater’s Profiles in 2018, and we see similar sentiments and trends at Cyber-Dating Expert, with singles swiping left on Trump supporters, or making politics a deal-breaker for dating.

RELATED: Love VS. Trump: Is Politics Polarizing Relationships?

The conversation about politics on OkCupid is working, as they report profiles that included politics are, “52% more likely to have mutual likes and 78% more likely to have a successful conversation than members who do not.”

Charytan adds, “At OkCupid, we’re proud to be a champion of inclusivity because we believe you should be able to love whomever you want, regardless of your gender, sexual orientation, or ethnicity.”

Interesting stats on daters who support the ACLU include:

Ok Cupid ACLU

  • They’re 4 times more likely to consider themselves feminist (and are looking to dating a feminist)
  • They’re 2 times as likely to have responded “hell no” to the question,”Trump?”
  • They’re 30 times more likely to believe in climate change.

Melissa Hobley, chief marketing officer at OkCupid, tells Refinery29, “LGBTQ communities using political filters on OkCupid comes from the feeling that their rights are under attack by the current presidential administration.” Hobley adds, “Many folks don’t want to have the experience of talking to someone, going on a date, only to find that they voted for Trump — because the stakes are very high.”

Every OkCupid user who answered the question of “do you support the ACLU” will receive the badge on their profile.

RELATED: Do Politics and Love Help or Hurt Your Relationship?

OkCupid was the first dating app to offer 22 gender and 12 orientation options on their users profiles.

OkCupid ACLU Badge

If you’re’ a member of OkCupid, click here to answer the question and to receive the badge.

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we believe in inclusion and love for all. We constantly track the trends of politics and dating. We know the importance of finding a date with similar attitudes and values, and are proud of the dating industry as they address these issues.

Julie Spira is and award-winning dating coach and America’s Top Online Dating Expert . She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs. As a political dating expert, Julie’s now writing her third book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships.

How to Verify Your Bumble Profile

BUMBLE GET VERIFIED

There’s a great feature on the Bumble dating app that allows you to verify your profile, by taking a selfie that matches their model’s pose on the app.

Verification features help singles date safely and help everyone feel comfortable about authenticity in dating.

Bumble had announced the photo verification feature on the Beehive Blog in 2017, to help prevent catfishing, but now they’ve taken it a step further. If you failed the simple photo verification test, or if you’ve been reported by another user as a potential fake member, your profile might not remain active until you retake it.

Since we feel strongly about dating safety, as do the online dating sites and mobile dating apps, we believe this added step from Bumble is essential. Plus, how can someone find you if you have a hidden profile?

Here are the simple steps to get verified on Bumble.

1. Open the Bumble app on your mobile phone. You’ll have the opportunity to use one of three services, Bumble Date, or the original Bumble, Bumble BFF to find new friends and to go into social networking mode, and Bumble Bizz, to grow your business like you would on Linkedin.

Bumble Date

2. Look for the Get Verified Button

Get Verified - bumble

3. If you failed the verification test, you’ll get this pop up notification when you log on, so it’s time to try it again.

Bumble Verification

4. Strike a Pose to Match their model’s pose. It’s typically one where you’re waving your hand up to say hello and send the photo to Bumble. The Bumble team actually has a real person who verifies that your photo looks similar the ones you’ve added to your profile.

Bumble verification

 

 

 

5. You’re now verified! Your Bumble profile will appear in searches, so get ready to swipe to find someone special to meet IRL.

Bumble Get Verified

If you need help with your Bumble profile, find out how our Swiping Right mobile dating profiles can help you find a date, a friend, or a business contact through the convenience of your mobile phone.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

 

Earth Day: Online Daters Find Environmentally-Friendly Singles a Turn-On

Earth Day
If you’re single, it’s time to celebrate Earth Day on April 22nd and to remember to be kind to the environment, recycle, and pick up the litter while on a date.

In a study over over 100,000 dating profiles conducted by online dating site Zoosk, they found the majority (91%) of singles really do care about the environment, with 58% who said dating someone who cares about being eco-friendly an attractive quality. We feel the same and you hope you do too.

In the Zoosk Earth Day study, they asked 5,100 singles about their love for the environment, along with ecological attitudes about those they’d be interested in dating.

Nix the Trash on Earth Day and Every Day

When it comes to trash, if you’re one who litters, you probably won’t get a second date.

The study showed that 74% find littering a deal-breaker, with 81% finding littering an annoying habit. So if you see garbage on the ground, it’s wise to pick it up and toss it away properly, as the survey revealed that 59% of singles say picking up litter is sexy.

Zoosk provided a list of eco-friendly words to add to your online dating profile to get a greater response.

The most popular words to start using now to generate a response on your dating profile include: reuse, organic, environment, farmers market, nature, earth, tree, forest, outdoors, hippie, plant, and wildlife.

RELATED: 7 Days to Celebrate Earth Day With Your Date

Online Dating Earth Day

Favorite Green Date Ideas

Thinking about suggesting an environmental-friendly date? 

The most popular green date ideas that online daters like include: going to the beach, going on a picnic, stargazing, visiting a local farmers market, or going on a hike.

So it’s time to fill your date cards with those who care about our beautiful earth, as 78% of singles responded that they’d like to date someone who cares about the environment and 51% prefer to date someone who’s energy efficient.

Wishing you much love and joy on this Earth Day.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert.  She was an early adopter of Internet and mobile dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles dating programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

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