We’re excited to share the release of The Lonely Italian movie with our readers.

For those of you who have dated online, you know that often dates are filled with mishaps, hysterical stories, or ones where you hope to click and get to a second date.

The star of the film, Domenico Nesci, just can’t get to a second date because he keeps getting in the way. This is why he needs a dating coach.

Here’s an excerpt from The Lonely Italian, where online dating expert Julie Spira helps Domenico Nesci, set up his profile by selecting the photos.

Domenico, being a funny guy, had a few profile photos that would make everyone SWIPE LEFT.

You can order and watch the full feature film here and get ready to laugh out loud.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and mobile dating expert. She’s an award-winning dating coach and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, where she’s been helping singles find love online for almost 25 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating advice.

Hi Julie,

Today my best friend was on Tinder and found my boyfriend’s account. We have been together almost 3 years, though we have broken up twice. I confronted him about it and he told me he made it after a big fight of ours, realized he was making a mistake, then deleted the app, and must have forgotten to delete the account.

He said that he didn’t message or get involved with anyone. When I asked him for permission to log on to see if his claims were true, he said that he already just deleted the account.

What do I do?

Worried

My Dear Worried,

If I had a dollar for every person who contacted me after they or a friend found a Tinder profile during a swiping frenzy, I’d take a trip around the world.

RELATED: HELP! I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND ON TINDER

All relationships go through bumps on the road, and a guy often looks to see who else is out there, if he has doubts about the relationship, or even if he’s about to make a deeper commitment.

That doesn’t mean he met someone, chatted with someone, or even remembered he had a moment of faux girlfriend shopping.

The most important part of a relationship is trust. If he says he deleted the app, that’s probably exactly what he thinks he did and you need to believe him.

When someone removes Tinder from their mobile phone, they assume it’s gone, as they aren’t using it. There is a difference between removing Tinder from your phone and deleting your account permanently. Most people don’t realize that.

Your boyfriend thinks he’s a good guy and is in a relationship with you, but his profile will still appear on Tinder as a potential match to others, so yes, it looks like a form of cheating.

RELATED: HOW TO DELETE YOUR TINDER PROFILE WHEN YOU MEET THE ONE

I say let it slide now, or you could be headed for another breakup. If it’s not on his phone, he isn’t swiping right or left on anyone, nor is he chatting with anyone. Give it a few weeks and let him know that you appreciate him being honest with you about “removing” Tinder from his phone and that you’re happy everything is going well with the two of you.

Then let him know you read an article (mine), that said if you take Tinder off your phone, it stays on their service as an active profile unless you log on and specifically click “Delete Account.” It’s in the settings part of the profile that looks like a gear at the very bottom.  Tell him it would make you feel more comfortable if he deleted/disabled his account, so others who know both of you don’t assume that the two of you agreed to an “open relationship.” Make it about the two of you, not just about you.

Send him this link, How to Delete Tinder on how to do it, but don’t look over his shoulder and question him on who he was chatting with, if anyone. Again, it’s about trust and show that you trust that he tried to remove Tinder correctly and that even you didn’t realize there’s a difference between removing Tinder and deleting an account.

I think he’s telling you the truth and really wants you to trust him. Have the conversation in a very loving way. He’ll appreciate the fact that neither of you want to send the message that you’re available for an open relationship, when you’re not.

Keep me posted!

Julie

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating and find out how our Irresistible Profiles programs will help you find your dream date.

Did you Swipe Right on Tinder and meet someone you’d like to date exclusively?

If so, congratulations are in order and you’re not alone.

Tinder reports 10 matches to date and 1.4 billion swipes every day.

Still, we get contacted several times a week when someone thinks their boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on them because his or her Tinder profile is still active. Typically a friend notices it and wonders if there’s trouble in paradise.

RELATED: A LOVE EXPERT HELPED US WITH OUR TINDER PROFILES

Before you start accusing your S.O. that they’ve been sneaking around and before you do something drastic like sneak a peek at their phone, as a Tinder Expert, I need to share with you that there’s a huge DIFFERENCE between REMOVING Tinder off your mobile phone, which is what the majority of people do, and actually DELETING Tinder through their app while it’s still on the phone.

The former will result in your profile still being active for others to see and it sends a message that you’re single and hoping someone will be swiping right in anticipation of a match and to meeting IRL. The latter disables your account and your Tinder profile will no longer be viewed by others who are swiping and matching.

Got it? So here’s how to fix it.

How to Delete Tinder

1. If you’ve already taken Tinder off your mobile phone, download the app again and sign in.
2. Once you’re signed in, on the top left side, click on the icon to view your profile
3. Once your profile is on the screen, click on the grey gear symbol in the middle of the screen.
4. This brings you to a “Settings” page. Scroll to the bottom of the page, where you will see the option to “Logout” or “Delete Account.” Select Delete Account.
5. You will receive a message that says, “Account successfully deleted.”

RELATED: HELP I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND ON TINDER

If you’ve met someone you really like, give it a chance to see where it goes. If you ever break up, you an always create a new Tinder account in just a few minutes.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and mobile dating expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years and on mobile apps like Tinder since their launch. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Find out how our Swiping Right program will help you have the most rocking Tinder profile to fill your date card.

Meet Rachel and Jason who fell in love on the Tinder mobile dating app. She shared how the two met with some heartwarming details about their courtship.

When Rachel first saw her now-husband on Tinder, she said, “I thought he was handsome!  Initially, all I had to go off of were his pictures. One in particular, of him standing in a park in a navy hoodie got me. He was good looking but there was also something warm about his smile. To be honest, he seemed out of my league but I went for him anyway.”

RELATED: A Love Expert Critiqued Our Tinder Profiles

How long did it take to meet “IRL” (in real life) and when did your courtship begin?

“Interestingly, we agreed to make plans almost right away as we had initial good banter back and forth and enough in common that I felt comfortable meeting…. but we scheduled the actual date a couple of weeks out. I had just moved to L.A. and wasn’t free for a couple of weeks for what would end up being my second Tinder date ever, and on his end (while I didn’t realize it at the time), he had been out on so many Tinder dates prior to meeting me that his expectations were not exceedingly high, so he was totally content to wait.”

When did you know or become exclusive (how long before?) and how did you know he/she was the one?

“I would say we went from 0-60 very quickly.  Our first date was February 13th, 2014 we both went strategically radio silent on Valentine’s Day and then we made plans and went out on our second date on February 15th.  I think we were formally exclusive within the first 2 months, although truthfully, I was probably a little slower than he was to get the memo.

RELATED: These Names Will Get You the Most Right Swipes on Tinder

I had literally just moved to L.A. from New York a month and a half prior, and was going out of my way to meet new people.  And I was coming from Manhattan where people just didn’t seem to take dating quite as seriously as they do in L.A.  My husband claims he had worked his way through half of Tinder before meeting me and was a little burnt out on the process and thus ready to be serious. It was so refreshing to actually meet a guy who was interested in getting to know me, spending time with me and who was not looking to play games.”

Rachel and Jason have been together for 3.5 years now. They’re married and have a 7-month-old baby girl.

RELATED: Oh no! She Found Her Boyfriend on Tinder

Congratulations to Rachel and Jason, our Tinder Love Story.

Photo credit: Camilla Greenwell

Have you met someone special on Tinder or other mobile dating apps? We’d like to hear from you. 

CONTACT US to share your story.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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After a bunch of beta testing, our friends at OkCupid have decided to remove the feature of who’s viewed your profile, thereby enabling all members to browse anonymously on their online dating site and mobile app.

Previously part of the A-List premium paid features, now all members can browse, um, stalk their favorite profiles while they proactively can now like and comment on photos.
In the OkCupid blog, they give the following reason for these changes.

Likes & Messages Are the Truest Indicators of Interest

“Likes and messages are much clearer indicators of someone’s interest. And in dating, clearer is better. If someone messages you, for example. That means that someone wants to get to know you better. Or someone likes you. We take that as a clear sign that they’re interested in you. If you’ve also liked that person, you’ll both be able to see that you’ve mutually liked each other — even if neither of you have A-List — and you’ll get that signal of interest directly”

How Invisible Browsing Now Works

Without being able to view who visited your profile, you won’t know until they tacke action and message or like your profile and/or photos. 

The reason for this change, is the site is strongly encouraging you to message someone, rather than taking a peek and deciding later.

OkCupid claims that men who send a first message between 40 and 90 characters have the highest chances of a reply, and women who make the first move are 17% more likely to end up on a date than those who don’t.

So when we say word count and character count matters, it’s now backed up by their research.

Are you ready to put ten toes in and make the first move?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and had been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

There are many reasons why having a summer romance has become a popular trend. The weather is warm, your outfits show more bare skin, it’s bikini weather and beach volleyball time, chemisty is proven by science to heighten in the sunshine, and the list goes on.

With Fourth of July around the corner, it’s time to think about the fireworks in the sky and in your relationship.

Here’s how to have a sizzling hot summer filled with love and romance online and IRL

 1. Change your mobile dating app and online photos to include outdoor shots

Replace the winter ski photos, with boating, water, golfing, hiking, and anything that includes sunshine.

2. Start Using Emoticons and GIFs in Your Messages

 Many mobile apps including Tinder and Bumble include the option to use giphy, which is a lot of fun. If you seem like a fun person to be around, you will get more matches and your date card will start filling up.

 3. Host a Barbecue

Invite your single friends and ask them to bring another single friend. Grilling is fun and guys love taking charge at the BBQ. Make it a pot luck event and start getting out IRL.

RELATED: 10 ABSOLUTELY Fun Dating Ideas for Summer

4. Change Your Relationship Status to Single on Facebook

You might still be recovering from a breakup, but facebook could be the world’s largest dating site if they wanted to be. Change your relationship status and you might find a secret crush emerging. Be open to the possibilities.

RELATED: When to Change Your Facebook Relationship Status

5. Log on Twice a Day to Dating Apps and Sites and Reply Promptly

via GIPHY

I have a saying, “the squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.” Ditch those old waiting rules and remember, when someone joins a dating site or mobile app, it’s because they want to meet someone. If you wait around a day or two, don’t be surprised if you hear back that they’ve met someone and want to date exclusively. Don’t underestimate chemistry. When a couple clicks, they often stop dating to see where the relationship will go.

At the end of the digital day, smile as bright as the sun to find a great reflection called love.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Hello Summer!

You crept up fast.  It’s time to list some of our best date ideas for summer love for when you’re done swiping right on mobile dating apps, have been successfully matched on dating sites, and it’s time to meet IRL.

Happy dating and enjoy the sunshine!

1. Go to a baseball game

It’s the season for America’s favorite past time. Nibble on peanuts and Cracker Jack and enjoy the 7^th inning stretch.

Check the MLB.com website for dates and times.

Not in a baseball city? Find a minor league game near you.

2. Find a free outdoor concert

Combine summertime, being outdoors, and music, and it’s a great recipe for love.

Bring a picnic meal and a blanket and take in the sounds of local artists in your area.

Some museums and parks actually have well-known musicians performing, so check your local papers and online sites.

3. Ride the Ferris Wheel

Go to an amusement park and ride the Ferris Wheel or even the roller coaster, if you dare.

Feeling like a big kid on your date will be fun for everyone involved. If you’re on the top of the Ferris Wheel, lean over for a magical kiss to remember.

4. Watch an outdoor movie

While drive-in theaters have become obsolete, the trend of watching movies on a big screen at a shopping center, or local park has become all the rage.

Remember to bring a blanket to bundle up in with your date for when it starts to get cold towards the end of the evening.

4. Barbecue

Nothing says more of hot fun in the summertime than grilling with your date.

Make sure to go grocery shopping together to spice up the date. Cooking together can be filled with laughter. Don’t forget to pick up chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers to make s’mores for dessert.

5. Go on a bike ride

Bicycle paths seem to be more abundant and more filled in the summertime. Make it even more memorable and romantic by renting a bicycle built for two! Remember to take photos, and of course, ask for permission before posting to Instagram or Facebook.

6. Take a Beach Yoga Class

Yoga is sexy on a date and saying you’re a yoga enthusiast will get more views and right swipes to your dating profiles.

Remember to bring your sunscreen and relax while you feel the connection with your date. 

If you don’t live near a beach, check out the many outdoor classes held in parks across the country.

7. Take a cooking Class

Cooking together is just sexy! Creating a dish together that you can make on a future date at home is considered a form of foreplay.

Stores such as Sur le Table nationwide have cooking classes on their calendar. If you can’t find one near you, check out the local universities and colleges or a MeetUp group for foodies.

8. Snack at the Food Trucks

Many neighborhoods have a food truck day. Find out which day or night they’ll be parked in your neighborhood.

From a vegan or healthy green truck to  spicy Mexican cuisine, there’s a favorite truck for every type of palate!

10. Go to a zoo

For G-rated petting fun, head to your local zoo to feed the animals.  Take it a step further and walk into the petting zoo and spend time with the llamas and sheep.

Remember to check with your date to see if they are allergic to animals.

Remember to memorialize your fun outdoor summer date by snapping photos. Who knows, you just might end up with a nice kiss at the end of the date to add to your digital memory book.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for online dating advice.

SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She coaches singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Profiles programs to help them find love IRL.

We had a blast at the BuzzFeed studios in Hollywood, where I critiqued two Tinder profiles of Millennial singles who hadn’t been on ANY dates!

Well we changed that in a digital heartbeat.

Watch as I made both Ryann and Kelly’s mobile dating profiles go from dating in a SWIPE LEFT world, to quickly moving to a SWIPE RIGHT world.

Find out EXACTLY what they were doing wrong and how a little attitude adjustment with some digital techniques online combined with offline dating advice turned their love game around.

I’m so very proud of the two of them. Thank you to Buzzfeed for selecting me as their dating coach and love expert.

Julie Spira is a mobile dating expert and is known as America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the creator of Mobile Dating BootCamp and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 23 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs. Julie is the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and was named “Best Dating Coach of the Year” in the 2017 iDate Awards.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

SIGN UP for the FREE WEEKLY FLIRT newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Recently, I was a guest on FOX 11, Los Angeles, in a special feature about people grabbing photos from the Internet and creating a dating profiles on mobile apps and online dating sites.

While this happens, it’s really in the minority of profiles. Still, if you see a hunky model’s photo on a message to you, here’s how to tell if he or she is real.

After watching the video, scroll down to see a sample email that was sent (in bulk) on an online dating site to many users. If you find one like this, don’t reply. Report it as suspicious to the dating site, because they take dating safety seriously, and so do we!

RELATED: Here’s How to Tell Your Date You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting

Photo Swapping on Dating Profiles

In my interview with Susan Hirasuna, I explained the following:

“Julie Spira literally wrote the book on cyber-dating.”
               
“She says, the number one complaint is that people show up for the first date and they don’t look like their profile photos.  

“In the case of Emanuel, she theorizes he may be socially awkward or just needs an ego boost by matching with women on the dating apps.”

“Having the opportunity to chat with someone to boost your ego, if you’re looking like someone they might want to go out with. It’s a game and it’s really a sad game, because you’re really tugging at digital heart strings,” Spira told me.”

“She said, those with the photo swaps likely have no intention in meeting their dating app matches.”

RELATED: 10 Dating Safety Tips

The Suspicious Email

On a popular online dating site, this email has been floating around.

Note the following red flags:

1. There’s it’s not personalized. “Hi there” doesn’t list your screen name or name.
2. The writer claims to be in the military, which is a common sign.
3. The writer claims he is financially stable, something that will attract a woman.
4. He wants to communicate OFF the dating site and offers an email account and asks for yours.

Hi there,

My name is John and I think your profile looks amazing as It feels great to meet someone who has a positive outlook at life and still looking to find the right one. I am a loving, kind and successful man who is still looking to find the right match.  I’m a senior personnel working with the United States Military and would be retired in a couple months. I am secure, own my homes and financially stable. I have lived a great life with the exception of having that special someone to make memories with as life is full of beautiful memories. I believe life’s adventures are better when shared with someone special and would really love to get past the introduction part and get to know each other personally. I would prefer to communicate via email as I don’t come on here often. You can leave me an email on johnyoung23555@gmail.com  or leave yours as we seem to be on here at different times.  It would be refreshing to get to know each other and see how much we share in common and where it could possibly lead. Would look forward to read from you.

Warmly.
John

While John may indeed be a real person, he won’t brag about his money, be unavailable whenever you are logged on, and won’t immediately ask to communicate off the site.

If you receive an email like this, you can ignore it or report it, but be careful about falling in love from your computer screen with someone who has never appeared to have read your profile.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating services. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and was the recipient of the 2017 Best Dating Coach of the Year Award.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

For those of you who think dating is a numbers or a swiping game, it goes much deeper and more personal that. We’re talking about love, big time. How to find it, how to nurture it, and how to keep it.

Dating, especially online dating or using mobile dating apps, continues to grow in popularity, but what happens when you’ve had three of four dates with someone, have had a heavy making out session, or have even gotten more intimate physically, but something just doesn’t click?

Or, what happens when you realize that you have more chemistry with your ex and playing the field didn’t work out the way you had hoped?

In these cases, rather than do a disappearing act and ghost someone, I’m here with some valuable dating advice and to tell you to pick up your big boy pants or put on your shiny lipstick and tell the person you’ve been dating the truth, instead of fading away and ignoring calls and texts. After all, you were in a relationship, regardless of how you defined it.

via GIPHY

How the convo should go when you’re not feeling it

Text exchange

Your Date: I’d love to get together again this weekend. How’s Saturday night?

You: I don’t think that will work.

Your Date: What about Friday or Sunday?

RELATED: The Text Message Breakup: Who’s Doing It?

You: This weekend’s not good. Let’s hop on a phone call, sound good?

Your Date: Sure…

Phone Call (after just a few dates) or In Person (If you’re been dating for a while)

You: I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and have had fun texting you, but I just don’t think we have enough in common for a long term relationship, and I know that’s what you’re looking for. You deserve that with someone. I just don’t think it’s me.

Your Date:  We’re just getting to know each other. We can continue to take the time to spend time together, to see where it goes. There’s no rush.

You: I think you’re terrific. I just don’t think we’re a fit and it’s best that we move on to meet others that we are both more compatible with.

Your Date: We can still date casually, right? I mean, I really like you.

You: I really like you too, but I don’t think we’re a fit. I see myself in a future with someone I’m more compatible with.  We both deserve to find someone that we’re both excited about and I wish you the best in your search.

RELATED: The Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

Now, you’re probably wondering why you should go through the agony of having this conversation, when it’s easier to just “unmatch” with him or her and go MIA? But everyone deserves to know why the person they were tongue kissing with has had a change of heart.

via GIPHY

Don’t turn your soon to be ex date into a stalker, over-texter, or obsessive person looking for an answer. Closure is important and healthy for both of you, so you can move on and find someone  that wouldn’t result in having this chat.

Don’t stalk your ex’s social media pages, as it will be harder for you to move on.

via GIPHY

Love takes time and if you’re not feeling it after a few dates, it’s fine to say you’d like to be friends, but most people don’t really mean it. It’s a sugar coated excuse for a breakup, something everyone deserves with dignity when you don’t ride into the sunset together.

Compatibility, chemistry, compassion, communication and closure are my five C’s for finding love in digital age.

RELATED: When it’s OK to Break Up in a Text

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating services. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and was the recipient of the 2017 Best Dating Coach of the Year Award.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.