In the September issue of Vanity Fair, Nancy Jo Sales wrote an in -depth piece called, Tinder and the Dawn of “Dating Apocalypse.” It’s an eye-opener and validation of a woman’s worst fear. The guys are swiping right to hook up and it’s all just a game.
In the story, it’s reported that 100 million people are using mobile apps, with about 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day. The numbers are mind-boggling and enormous.
The VF story is really about sex and hookups. Mobile apps just happen to ramp up the numbers in a digital second, and singles in their 20s are buying into the hooking up program, I believe which ruins their chance at romance.
We’re living in a virtual world of swiping left and swiping right, with many instantly determining if you’re hot or not. But even if you’re not considered hot, many just keep swiping right, as it’s just a numbers game when it comes to mobile dating. Tinder and other apps provide the tools to hook up and have sex with multiple partners a day, or not.
Many women claim they want romance and a long-term relationship, but they seem to feel that sending photos of their private parts and receiving dick photos is a part of the digital courtship process and join the program.
The problem is, some women are hooking up with hopes to change the mindset of the guy they’ve just slept with. Maybe they’ll think of them as marriage or relationship material, or maybe they’ll be swiping right while you’re putting your clothes back on.
As one who has embraced online dating for over 20 years as an early adopter of Internet dating, and one who coaches and helps singles find serious relationships in the digital age, I have mixed feelings about Tinder. I’m thrilled that it’s given credibility to online and mobile dating and gives you a chance to cast a wider net to find a date or a mate.
If you say you’re using Tinder to your friends, one may ask you why you’re on a hookup app if you’re looking for love. But who isn’t using Tinder? Celebrities such as Hillary Duff, Katy Perry, and Ed Sheeran on Tinder, with Sheeran receiving the first celebrity verified profile on the mobile app. They join the Tinder bandwagon because they’re single and it’s easy to use and is fun. After all, after each swipe, you’re prompted with a message to “Keep playing?”
So we continue to swipe with the hopes of finding a match worthy of introducing to your friends and family, but weeding out those who want to hookup and those who want love is confusing.
We hope there’s truth-in-advertising, but men and women can just say in their profiles that they’re looking for a serious relationship, not serial dating. However those same people could be already in a “committed” relationship, while looking for Plan B when the romance starts to fade and the monotony kicks in. Research from Global WebIndex states that 62% of Tinder users are actually in a relationship. So don’t be surprised if a friend sees your steady-sweetie’s active profile on Tinder.
So is romance dead or alive on your mobile phone? According to the Vanity Fair piece, it’s looking grim for 20s in New York who find swiping right to be an efficient and inexpensive way to shag a few girls a day or a week, but I disagree.
I encourage the women who are really looking for a relationship to ignore the “dick pics” and take your time to weed out the creepers who want to choke you within 20 minutes. Think about the approach you took while dating with traditional online dating sites or meeting through friends and combine it with the efficiency of mobile dating apps. Keep your clothes on in your profile photos, state your intentions and swipe left until you find someone worthy of having a chat with. While it’s efficient to find someone IRL in seconds, it doesn’t mean you have to meet someone immediately or rush into casual sex if it’s not your goal.
It takes time to get to know someone, whether you meet in a bar, through friends, or on Tinder. Ask a lot of questions before getting involved. But then again, if you’re in it for a night of fun, it’s a piece of digital cake to accomplish that.
To the Tinderellas out there, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. Xo
Read more to learn how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, and as a Digital Matchmaker she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia
It was fun being on the Boris and Nicole show talking about the popularity of online dating and mobile dating apps. Nicole was talking about how difficult it was for her single friends looking for love online, and Boris was talking about being “Tenderized.”
Follow @JulieSpira for online dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
With 10 million matches a day, there are many men that suffer from over-swiping to the point that they think they’ve just swiped left in error on the fresh face that could be their dream girl.
If you’re not a member of Tinder Plus, where you can go back and swipe right to the last profile, we’ve got help for you.
We have a fun service at Cyber-Dating Expert called Swiping Right. With Swiping Right, we manage your expectations, help you have a rocking Tinder profile, and show you tips on how to swipe right without getting into a swiping frenzy and ending up with “Swipe Regret.”
You see we know how addictive Tinder can be. We know that when you post photos of a gorilla as your primary shot, you’re trying to be a funny guy. We know that women can’t imagine being in bed with the hairy gorilla, so you won’t be getting many matches. We know you like to show off that muscle when you’re working out at the gym, but women think you’re showing off and will swipe left.
So when you see the digital girl of your dreams, pause. Look at all of her photos. Read her bio. Take the time to see which friends you have in common and swipe right. There’s no guarantee she’ll swipe right as well, but if she does, make sure your introduction message says anything but, “hey.” After all, women know that horses hang out in hay. Avoid “you’re hot,” even if she’s the hottest and prettiest girl on your mobile phone. It sends the message that you’re looking for a booty call and she’ll probably swipe left.
What should you do if you swipe left in error? Learn to take your time and contact us so we can help you with Swiping Right to find your dream girl on Tinder.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and helps singles find love online through her Irresistible Profiles Programs and teaches men and women how to swipe right for love on Tinder.
In a recent segment on Huff Post Live, we talked about singles 50+ using mobile dating apps to find love, companionship and more.
In a video clip, I stated:
“Singles over 50 have embraced mobile dating apps. They’ve seen their children, friends and neighbors find love online and if they find themselves alone due to the loss of a spouse, loss of a partner, through death or divorce, the loss of a spouse through death or divorce, it’s a terrific way to build your self esteem and fill your date card.
We know the need for companionship is so, so strong, especially as we age. If you’re finding yourself alone, grab your mobile phones and start swiping right so you can find your one in 40 million.”
What the post-50 crowd really thinks of dating apps on Huff Post Live in this full video segment.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. To learn how to master mobile dating apps, check out our Swiping Right program and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.
In this episode of Words,Wine and Women, Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker Julie Spira teaches Tara the attorney and Beth the single mom digital dating tips on what to post in their profiles when starting Internet dating and using mobile dating apps for the first time.
Watch this episode if you think the following:
1. If you’re looking for a commitment and only dog-lovers apply.
2. You think there are only creeps online.
3. You want to feel safe with Internet dating.
4. You’re not sure which sites to try.
5. You aren’t sure what types of photos to post.
6. You need help in creating a buddy system.
7. You need tips on what to talk about on a date.
Find out the difference between all of the many dating sites now.
Are you ready to have an Irresistible Online Dating Profile to attract your dream date?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has appeared in over 600 news stories with her online dating advice. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
If you’ve spent hours-and-hours swiping left and right in search of your dream date, you’re not alone.
The latest known celebrity to join Tinder is the lovely Hillary Duff, who spilled the digital beans in a radio interview on “Valentine in the Morning” in Los Angeles. The blonde-haired beauty filed for divorce from her hockey player husband earlier this year and entered the Tinderverse to get back on the saddle.
What does Hillary say about being on the hottest mobile dating app?
She’s says she’s never been on a blind date and is looking forward to her first date tonight.
Duff admits the whole process is “wildly addicting.” She’s talking to about 9 guys now and gives her input on why she swipes right.
To get a date with Duff, she says that the guy must be funny and make her laugh. She’s bringing a few friends on her date and so is her date. So it’s a group date.
The audio of the interview is below.
Need help with your Tinder profile? Check out our Swiping Right service to help you with your Tinder profile and to fill your date card.
Follow @JulieSpira for online dating and mobile dating advice.
Now that we’ve changed the clocks to daylight savings time, it’s time to think about sunset dates, changing your wardrobe to lighter colors and getting out to smell the digital roses.
It’s springtime and we all know that Spring fever is in the air and many singles are hoping to find love this season, or at least fill their date card.
With this in mind, here are some online dating tips and advice to help ramp up your cyberdating search for the new season.
It’s time to turn up the volume and download a few mobile dating apps and start flirting. By now most of you have either used the hot mobile app Tinder, where you swipe to the right to connect with a potential date, or swipe to the left to send them into Internet heaven. It’s time to join the digital party. We can help you with our Swiping Right service to tweak your Tinder or other mobile dating profile.
Don’t forget the mobile versions of the dating sites you already belong to. If you’re a member of eHarmony, JDate, Match, OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, Zoosk, or other dating sites, make sure to keep the push notifications on so you can find a date in a digital minute.
Log on Twice Daily
Take one hour twice a day and log on to your favorite dating site or scroll through your mobile dating apps. Did you know that just having your profile appearing as online often will raise your visibility in a search to potential dates? Ready, set, log on.
Turn on Chat
Whether you’re on Facebook or are on an Internet dating site, make sure your settings are configured for you to be able to chat with someone IRL. Download Facebook Messenger on your mobile phone if you haven’t done so and start chatting with someone you might have a digital crush on. Every time you hear that chime on your phone or computer, it just might bring a smile to your face.
Cast a Wider Net (and Zip Code)
Not getting much activity in your inbox? Expand your search from 15 miles to 60 or even 200 miles. If you find the one, it’s worth the commute, or even relocating for love. Are you limiting yourself to searching for a narrow age range? Revise your search parameters by 10 years. That’s right, 5 years lower and 5 years higher than what you’ve already been looking for. If you’ve upgraded to Tinder Plus, their new feature allows you to add a new location to search in, so if you’re planning on visiting New York, you can add that location to start getting matched with singles in another city. By the time you arrive, your date card should be filled.
Reorder Your Photos
If you have 3-5 of your favorite photos on your profile and can’t find time to grab a new one from your Facebook page, change the primary photo so your profile looks fresh. When you get the time, add a few more recent shots, wearing something colorful and retire those photos that are 5 years old, or more!
View and Hotlist Profiles
Some people just don’t like writing emails or making the first contact. If you’re a bit shy about initiating contact, view profiles of those you might be interested in and check out your suggested matches. Chances are they’ll see that you’ve viewed them and will contact you if they’re interested in you. Take it one step further and rate them with 5 stars or put them on your hotlist. Often they’ll be notified, will be flattered, and you just might put a date on your calendar.
If you still need some help to make your profile stand out from the rest, contact us about our Irresistible Profiles to help you find your dream date.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, join us for #DateChat on Thursdays at 5p/PT, 8p/ET, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter, and visit our Facebook page.
Photo credit: Fotolia.com
In this week’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a reader has a huge dilemma. Her partner thinks she’s looking for other options on Tinder, when she knows she hasn’t been using the mobile app. Did she get busted or did technology get the worst of the situation?
We moved into a house together and we met via Tinder.
He received a message from his friend saying he saw my Tinder account saying that I was active three days ago. It was a shock to my partner and myself as the day I was ‘supposedly’ on Tinder was the day I spent four hours driving around and moving into the new house and the rest of the day I had a dead mobile phone due to using all the battery on the GPS.
Is there any type of way that my Tinder profile could say I was active when I wasn’t using it as it is quite hard to prove that I was not on it?
The Tinder app was uninstalled on my phone months ago and I have not downloaded it recently, so I am wondering if there is any way that something could have happened to make it ‘active’ when I had not used it? My partner and I had had a few fights last week but as I explained to him when we have arguments I straight away confront him and try to sort it out on the spot so we sort it out and don’t have to be angry or upset. He believes me because he knows that is what I do and that I’m not the type of person to go and download a dating app due to a few small fights. So I am in need of some help with explaining how my profile was active when I wasn’t using it. I know I didn’t go on it and he also believes me but we do both think it suspicious that my tinder account says it was active 3 days ago.
I’m sorry for your Tinder dilemma, but am glad to hear you met someone special on their mobile app.
Having a partner think you’re looking for options when you’re moving forward in your relationship can make anyone feel uncomfortable.
Often mobile apps run in the background on different mobile phones.
As I don’t work for Tinder, I don’t know exactly what happened in your case.
If you removed the app from your phone, it’s still considered an active app and you will appear in searches as a potential match.
The only way for you not to to appear in a search, is if you completely deactivate your Tinder profile. Removing it from your phone just isn’t enough.
Remember, if you permanently delete your account, all of your matches and communications will disappear. In this case, it’s probably a good thing.
I think both of you should go through this exercise together in an effort to move forward in good faith.
1. Download the Tinder app again on your phone.
2. Open the app and click on the gear in the upper left hand corner.
3. Click on “App settings.”
4. Scroll down and click “Delete Account.”
5. You’ll see a message that will say “Account successfully deleted.”
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a question for Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and helps singles by creating their Irresistible Profiles. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating and mobile dating advice and join in the conversation for #DateChat on Thursdays at 5p/PT, 8p/ET.
Need help with Tinder? Check out our Swiping Right service to maximize your Tinder profile and experience.
We’ve heard about the upcoming launch of Tinder Plus for months now and it’s finally launching, as reported in TechCrunch. So far, it’s been tested in the UK, Brazil, and Germany.
So what will the difference be for Tinder users and are YOU willing to pay $9.99 a month if you’re under 30 and $19.99 for if you’re 30 and over, for the added bonus of being able to rewind your last swipe if you accidentally swiped left instead of right? Will you start receiving limited matches with the free version? Some of these questions are unknown, but here’s what we do know for now.
The new Tinder Plus has some added features including:
1. Rewind – Have you ever swiped so fast that you swiped left on a profile and have had swipe-regret? I hear from men all the time frustrated with the lost profile. Now you can get that digital crush back with the hopes of finding a mutual match.
2. Change your location – Great if you’d like to connect with people before you travel. The free version is location-based, so you’ll have to arrive at your location to date on the fly. You can also expand your radius and cast a wider net.
3. Advertising free – Since Tinder Plus will be advertising free, you can assume the standard Tinder app will be filled with ads before you know it. This is their way of monetizing their millions of users on both the free app and Tinder Plus for a fee.
4. Unlimited Likes – You can like profiles, photos, and more to add to your swiping fun. After all, it is a game.
Tinder is expected to be an in-app experience, so you won’t have to download another version of Tinder Plus to upgrade your service.
Other free sites such as OkCupid offer a premium service called A List, which allows you to browse anonymously, get read receipts for emails, and change your user name, among other features.
RELATED: SWIPING RIGHT FOR LOVE
Here’s a fun video to watch about some expected features. The question is, will Tinder still be fun and easy to use? Will you pay $9.99 a month or more to change your experience or will you stay on the free version?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and mobile dating expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and host of #DateChat on Twitter on Thursdays at 5pm/PT, 8pm/ET. Julie helps singles find love online and from the convenience of their mobile phones. For more information on our Swiping Right program to help you find love on Tinder, click here.
Follow @JulieSpira on Tinder
Recently at the iDate Conference, I presented Tinder with the award of Best Mobile Dating App of 2015.
This award was well-deserved, considering two years ago, Tinder wasn’t a household word like Match and eHarmony has been for years for online daters.
In an interview with The New York Times, I told reporter Molly Wood that the increase in smartphone usage directly relates to the increase in dating app usage.
“People are dating on the fly, they’re dating in real time, they’re hooking up or meeting for dates, they’re doing both. Same day, same hour.”
So how did a perceived hook-up app become the hottest trend for singles looking for love online?
1. They penetrated the college marketplace.
These early adopters paved the way for others to jump on the bandwagon. In time, the demographics started to rise and millions of users were playing the Tinder game.
2. They made it easy to create a profile.
With no long questions to answer and no profile approval process, all one has to is download the app, connect to Facebook where it pulls your age and photos on Facebook, and add a short bio if you desire, however many ignore filling out the profile.
3. Set your preferences for distance and age parameters
Since Tinder is location-based, once you log on, it searches for potential matches close by. If you travel out of town, you’ll receive a whole new set of matches to make sure you’re not lonely at night.
4. Let the swiping and matching begin
Quite simply, you swipe right if you’re attracted to someone and swipe left if you’re not. If both of you swipe right, then you’re notified that you’re a match and can start communicating in their private chat feature.
Online dating and mobile dating are a numbers game. The more often you swipe, the more often you’ll have the opportunity to be matched.
5. State Your Intentions
We are living in a world of swiping left and right and the habit has become the norm for other popular mobile dating apps. In order to be successful on Tinder, you must start swiping and become proactive about communicating with your matches. If you’re looking to find a relationship instead of a casual fling, you must fill out the information bio page and clearly state your dating intentions. Women find it refreshing when a man says, “Not looking for FWB or a hookup.”
At the iDate conference, it was pointed out by Mark Brooks from Courtland Brooks that only 8% of women were swiping right while viewing profiles of men. Men on the other hand were swiping right as often as possible, with the hopes that they can be matched.
Tinder reports over 1 billion swipes a day and matches over 12 million people a day. But are they actually meeting IRL?
An interesting trend that we are noticing is that a lot of men are posting their age on Tinder as 100 years old. The trend of not honestly stating your age in online dating has been around for years, but to become a centurion on Tinder means you’ll have to change your age on your Facebook profile. There’s no way to change your age on Tinder. Facebook makes it difficult to change your age and discourages this process by limiting the amount of times you can do so. Still, I encourage truth-in-advertising.
As I told The New York Times, people who are using Tinder are also using other dating sites, sometimes paying for memberships. Having easy access to lots of different dates actually increases your odds of eventually finding a match. It’s making dates happen a lot more quickly and the more dates you go on, the better daters you become. Let mobile dating apps become your new best friend.
Are you swiping right on multiple mobile dating apps?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and mobile dating. Julie’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and host of #DateChat on Twitter on Thursdays at 5pm/PT. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia