Meet Courtney and Jeremy our featured Cyber Love Story couple who found love on eHarmony. They recently got married in a fairytale wedding, followed by a romantic honeymoon in the Caribbean. It was Courtney’s goal to find someone special to marry and I promised her, she’d find the love of her life. I couldn’t be happier with her romantic journey.
Here are Courtney’s words.
I met Jeremy three months into my 6-month subscription on eHarmony. He recently told me that we had been matched with each other months before we went out and that he was this close to deleting all his current matches when he saw my picture. We had only emailed a few times about dates to meet up for a drink so I didn’t know much about him. I actually couldn’t remember if his name was Jeremy or Jason so I did a panicked email search before he arrived. Thankfully I got his name just before he came through the door at the downtown bar/restaurant I picked.
We ended up talking for a good two hours and he walked with me while we looked for a taxi. It was a great first date- the best first date I had been on in a long time, probably ever. I was cautiously optimistic because he was hard to read. The next day while telling two close friends how funny and good looking he was, I went to check my email and there was a funny message from him! I was thrilled. I might have done a little happy dance.
We met for dinner and then drinks the next week and I went home to LA for a week-long visit the next day. He emailed me mid-week and we immediately made plans to see each other when I returned. From that point on we started dating regularly and finally months later, we started introducing each other to our friends.
It was slow and steady and looking back it was perfect. I’m very emotional and dramatic while Jeremy is more quiet and analytical. He brings out my more practical side and I am constantly laughing at his dry humor. I think we are a perfect match.
Last month we got married after a six-month engagement. The engagement was the only part of our relationship that went quickly! Now we are getting ready to spend our first holiday season together. For the last two years I’ve gone to LA and he’s gone to his parents’ home in New Jersey. Next week we will celebrate our first Thanksgiving together with his family (our puggle Wallis is coming with us to New Jersey) and then we’re spending Christmas week in New York with my parents, brother and sister in-law, and their new baby girl- our first niece!
Thank you Julie for your wisdom and advice. I would not be marrying this wonderful guy if I didn’t follow your Playbook!
Send us your story and we might feature YOU in our Cyber Love Story series.
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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Find out how Irresistible Coaching can help you find your dream date. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Breaking up on Facebook isn’t a piece of digital cake. The amount digital housekeeping and detoxing from your ex can be overwhelming. Add on top of it, your friends who have watched your courtship dissolve as you changed your status from “In a Relationship” to “Single” may have a lot to say about it.
I’ve always said the most powerful status on Facebook is the relationship status. Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site. Couples find love on Facebook and many have been featured in Facebook Love Stories.
People are obsessed with when their friends change their status. They love to cheer you on when you post photos of your romantic journey together.
Since our fascination with the Facebook relationship status will never wane, I was thrilled to see that Facebook just announced a new tool that will help ease the digital pain during a breakup. You no longer have to cut the cord and unfriend or block your ex when it’s time to split up. After all, some people just have a bump on the road and get back together again, so why obliterate your ex completely, especially if it’s just temporary?
According to the Facebook blog, these new Facebook tools allow you to see less of your former flame, by preventing his or her status updates and posts to appear in your feed and help you easily untag yourself from photos of the two of you together.
“.. we are testing tools to help people manage how they interact with their former partners on Facebook after a relationship has ended. When people change their relationship status to indicate they are no longer in a relationship, they will be prompted to try these tools.”
I think these are terrific features, as I know many people instantly block their ex, without the ex even knowing so, and then back-peddle and send a new friend request, out of embarrassment, once they’ve kissed and made up.
The thing is, do we really need to see what our ex is doing, especially if they are in the arms of another man or woman? How can one move on if they don’t digitally detox from their ex on Facebook?
This interim feature is one that I highly recommend and it’s started to roll out on the mobile app. Sure you might hate your ex right away, but if they were important in your life, at some point you and your ex might be able to be friends if both of you have happily moved on with others.
Should You Be Friends with an Ex on Facebook?
I don’t believe in being friends with an ex on Facebook, at least not right away. When a former boyfriend blocked me and unfriended me when we went our separate ways, I thought it was quick and cruel. I did understand that he was trying to heal and that seeing photos of me and us together prevented him from moving on. I actually didn’t really want to see details of his dating life either. We had the talk about what to do on Facebook and mutually decided it was the best way to go. Then one day, he went onto his Facebook page and untagged himself from every photo we had appeared in together and deleted every photo, including group photos. The process took him hours to complete.
Had this Facebook breakup feature been in place, it would have saved him and many others the long arduous and painful task of removing the past on the world’s largest social network.
Still, for someone with a failed relationship, when they post that they’re no longer in a relationship on Facebook, their friends instantly jump in and want to know why. They’ll get a bunch of digital sympathy, but when you’re in pain, it can sting both online and offline.
My question to you is, would you use Facebook’s breakup tools or just let the digital chips land where they may?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the creator of FacebookLoveStories.com and helps singles find love on the Internet with her Irresistible Profiles programs and Online Dating BootCamps. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
He’s wondering what’s wrong with him, why women aren’t interested in marriage anymore, and if there’s something wrong with his profile. He’s a member of three online dating sites, Match, PlentyofFish, and OkCupid.
On the spot, he signed up for The Flirt dating profile critique and I quickly analyzed his Match profile.
The interesting thing is, he was worried that his photos were bad. They really weren’t great, but the most surprising issue is, he’s a great catch and says he NEEDS to be married. When I questioned him as to why he wanted to get married and how long he had been divorced, he corrected me and said, he NEEDED to get married to survive. Without marriage, he couldn’t go on living. He had only been divorced for 6-months.
This great guy was in so much pain. I knew I needed to help him and build up his self-esteem and that one hour wouldn’t be enough. I also knew that I needed to manage his expectations and that there were plenty of women out there who would love to be married. He just hadn’t found them yet.
So why weren’t women writing back to him?
1. His profile photos were awful. He was a good looking guy and the primary photo was so dark, you could hardly see his sweet face. He couldn’t afford a photographer and we had to work with what he had, at least for the time being.
What did we do?
I reviewed all of his photos and instantly lightened them up, cropped some of the photos so the focus was on him, and changed the order of the photos. I deleted the photo of him playing the guitar as he looked sad and his photo showed only half of his body and a dog in the center of the photo. The dog looked so sad, that all I could see and feel was a man probably playing a country music song to the tune of “Twang, twang, she broke my heart.”
That shot had to go, period. A woman wants to see a confident happy man that she can share her life with. The dog didn’t need center stage. In fact, a woman might think the dog sleeps in bed with her. All of the photos were captioned as they had been taken this year, so the women would know there was truth-in-advertising on his profile.
You see this guy is a pilot. Pilots, like firemen, are really sexy to women. When a photo showed more of the runway that him by the plane, it had to be cropped as well.
2. His bio was filled with too many questions that he required a woman to answer. I love it when someone asks a question in an Internet or mobile dating profile. It immediately triggers the action for someone to respond. However asking four direct questions made it look like he was in a deposition or job interview. It would be too much work for women to reply, so they just moved on to another email.
What did we do?
I deleted three of the direct questions which came close to begging a woman to be his girlfriend, took out the small talk and made sure there were specific descriptions of things he was passionate about.
3. His About Me Section Was Sloppy. On dating sites, it already lists your age, and on Match it states the age range you’re looking for.
His profile started with: I’m a male, 53, professional pilot, seeking a female for a relationship 43-59 within 50 miles. Are you the one that cares to go on that walk on the beach with me? My favorite season is summer and I would like to bring my dog Shiloh. Sound fun? Barbeque sandwich for me. Do you care for red cake?
What did we do?
I deleted his first sentence as it was redundant and mirrored the headline of his profile. It was obvious that he was a male. His age was already listed and by repeating that he was looking for a relationship 43-59 within 50 miles, it not only had been stated, but it looked like he was a guy with strict requirements. It couldn’t have been further than the truth.
Instead his new profile starts off with, “I’m a professional pilot.” It was intriguing enough to allow a woman to desire to continue reading the rest of the profile.
4. He only wrote to 5 women a day. When he told me that no one wrote back, it wasn’t entirely true. He actually received one reply to five emails that he’d sent out. That’s actually not a bad statistic. When I explained to him that typically only one out of ten emails are responded to, and he was ahead of the game, he was shocked.
What did we do?
I gave him the homework assignment of writing to ten women a day instead of five. This way he would get double the response than he did beforehand. I explained that online dating is a numbers game. He needed to treat it like he was looking for a dream job, only he was looking for a wife.
This wonderful sweet kind successful 53-year old pilot is a great catch. He wants to get married, is taller than average at 6’5,” and will be the most loyal and wonderful husband to a lucky woman who has the same desires as he does. So ladies, don’t think there aren’t marriage-minded men out there.
I have hope for this man, but reminded him that patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a question for dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
In version 4.7.0, users can now add the school they attended as well as where they work, which will both add more authenticity to your profile, as well as give a few ice breakers for those to decide whether to swipe right or left and start a conversation if you match.
While many social networks such as Facebook allow you to list the school you attended to attract other alumni, and the name of your employer, Tinder is following in their digital footsteps to help you find a date.
Still on the shy side? You can use their editing and privacy features to decide whether you want your school and employer to appear on your profile.
These days, more singles want to know you’re for real. Finding out which friends you have in common and seeing a mobile dating profile that mirrors some of your Linkedin profile features, can make a woman feel safer about swiping right. With their latest algorithm updates, the new ‘Super Like’ feature, and more, Tinder is reaching singles with a variety of dating goals. Say goodbye to hookups only and ‘Tinder Moments’ and say hello to your friends-of-friends, co-workers, and classmates.
Tinder also highlights your new matches at the top of the screen with a circle with their photos and their names. This new interface, instead of just a horizontal list is actually a great look and you can easily see who has ‘Super Liked’ you and who you’ve matched with to start a new convo.
In an interview with Business Insider, Sean Rad, CEO of Tinder says, “This update is part of a wider push by Tinder to give you more relevant information about someone before you decide to swipe left or right.”
To add your school and job to your Tinder profile here are the steps.
- Go to the app store and update to the latest version of Tinder
- Click on View Profile and Edit Info.
- Under your bio, you’ll see Current Work and School. This has been pulled from Facebook. You can freely delete one or the other. Maybe you won’t mind telling what school you attended, but don’t want a Tinder date showing up on your doorstep at work.
P.S. You can connect your Instagram profile to Tinder, but if you’ve got a bunch of photos in the arms of another man or woman, you might not want to utilize that feature.
Are you enjoying the new features of Tinder?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie is the creator of Mobile Dating BootCamp and was recently featured in the Vice Documentary, The Mobile Love Industry, along with Tinder CEO Sean Rad. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
It’s starting to get chilly outside and singles and couples alike are starting to think about bundling up with someone special for the holidays. Just yesterday, we had rain in Los Angeles, which is unusual and I bundled up with my ski parka as the temperatures dipped.
In case you haven’t heard of it, it’s officially ‘Cuffing Season.’ You might wonder what exactly ‘Cuffing Season’ is, so here’s the scoop.
What is Cuffing Season?
Cuffing season starts in the fall when the weather starts to change, kids go back to school, and the leaves start to fall on the ground. Suddenly you’ll notice friends of yours who claim to be forever single appearing at a party with a significant other or new boyfriend or girlfriend. Others will flock to online dating sites to hope to connect with someone for the holidays. To be honest here, it’s a busy time for singles looking for love online as they imagine kissing under the mistletoe with someone special or toasting a glass of bubbly on New Year’s.
In thinking back to my past, I can honestly say that several of my relationships started in the fall and solidified in November to being exclusive. Did they know it was ‘Cuffing Season?’ Probably not.
So my friends and tweethearts, as a dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile on your face and be approachable, as it really can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you just might want to be a participant in. Party invites from business networking events are starting to pile in, so RSVP and fill up your date card.
It’s time to embrace the month we are to be the most thankful for with Thanksgiving around the corner. Time is speeding fast and there are plenty of singles that will be excited to have you in their life.
If you’re in a toxic relationship or one that makes you anxious or are walking on eggshells, it’s time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship for the holidays just prevents you from finding someone more compatible to create new memories with. The possibilities are endless!
If you need any hand holding, check out our Irresistible Profiles packages to help speed up your search.
Happy Cuffing Season.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
~Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
So how does a single person enjoy this fun and flirty holiday? I believe that Halloween gives you permission to jump out of your comfort zone and become more approachable. Besides the youthful trick-or-treaters ringing your doorbell, singles’ holiday parties are in abundance. I suggest you RSVP to as many as possible, grab a few friends and go out with a smile on your face, along with a devilish grin.
Be dare and be bold and post a picture of you and post it on your Tinder or online dating profile in costume and change your profile bio to “Trick or Treat!”
A recent Glamour article says to wear RED if you’re looking for LOVE and wear YELLOW if you’re looking for FUN and to be the life of the party; and it’s backed up by research!
In preparation for Halloween, it’s also a good time to brush up on your flirting skills. Dr. Pat Allen, author of “Getting to I Do” and one of my mentors, teaches the 5-second flirt technique and encourages singles to flirt with 5 men every day and gaze into their eyes for five very long seconds. Although it’s a challenge and may seem like an eternity, on Halloween it should be a piece of cake, or at least a handful of candy corn.
Let’s start with selecting your sexy Halloween costume. Although you wouldn’t dress like this on a first date, you now have permission to show some skin without the expectation of jumping into the bedroom. Here are four favorites to choose from.
1. The Cheerleader. What guy didn’t fantasize about being with a cheerleader in high school? Now’s his chance with this sexier version guaranteed to put a smile on his face.
2. The French Maid. This class Halloween costume never goes out of style. Now’s your chance to flirt with him with your duster in tow. Who knows just where he might be ticklish?
3. Queen of Hearts. Poker night will never be the same after he sees you in this Queen of Hearts outfit. Approach him and make a bet. See if he ups the ante.
4. The Devil: What can we say, except that Red will attract the men, big time. If you’re looking for love, grab this cute red Halloween costume and add red fishnet stockings and patent leather heels and you’re ready to go!
Don’t forget to bring your camera or SmartPhone and set your camera settings to movie. Go up to that cute guy and compliment him on his costume and ask if you can take his photo. Better yet, jump into the shot and have your friend take a picture of you and that hot guy. Then ask him if you can friend him on Facebook or post the photos to Instagram.
Remember to memorialize your Halloween festivities videos on Vine, Instagram, or YouTube and upload your photos to Facebook. Go ahead and tag him if he agrees. He’ll be flattered that you took the time to do so.
Julie Spira is an online dating and relationship expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com where you can sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and share your dating stories. Follow her on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
I’m excited to share that my friend Marni Battista selected me as one of 12 dating experts for her three-day free teleclass.
On Friday, October 23, 2015 at 3pm/PT (6p/ET), I’ll be sharing my secrets for finding love online and will be joined by my other esteemed colleagues Carol Allen, Jonathan Aslay, and Adam Gilad for an amazing afternoon of free dating advice to help you become more irresistible to men.
To sign up for the telecall, click here.
My LIVE training is going to cover “Online and On Top: Online Dating Do’s and Don’ts for the Smart, Successful Woman” and will be this Friday at 3pm. You definitely don’t want to miss it!
Plus as an added bonus, if you sign up today, Marni will give you her free bestselling book, Becoming Irresistible as a free gift. Quite exciting, right?
I’m going to be revealing new insight and techniques I’ve never told anyone from my 20+ years of being an online dating expert, and am going to hand you specific steps in order to amplify your attraction factor so that you attract the right guy for you.
You can check out the amazing line-up when you >> download the FREE book. <<
If you really want to create an undeniable magnetic attraction and devotion between you and any man that lasts forever…
I can’t wait for you to join in at 3pm/pt today to hear all of my secrets from 20 years over coaching singles on how to find love online.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
It’s an honor and joy to announce that Dr. Gary Penn has invited me, along with Shannon Colleary to his LIVE PODCAST event in Los Angeles on Wednesday, October 21, 2015.
If you’re struggling to find a great relationship or are trying to get out of a dead-end one, this event is for you.
For only $25 you’ll receive:
Wine, nibbles and a great interactive coaching workshop with Dr. Penn and his guests: Life Coach Shannon Colleary and myself, Julie Spira, America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker!
We’ll be fielding audience questions, (anonymously, due to the podcast) which will serve as “mini” sessions for the entire group.
Dr. Penn has certainly walked the walk. He has learned a great deal in his quest to find a loving and connecting relationship. He knows how difficult it is to find “the one”. He is committed to increasing your odds!
He brings not only his clinical knowledge to this workshop, but also his personal experience to help you work on the self-awareness and emotional availability necessary to find and sustain a loving, healthy relationship.
He’ll help you achieve a state of psychological awareness while teaching you his unique communication and dating skills.
Life Coach Shannon Colleary, best known for her “Asshat Recovery Program” articles on The Huffington Post, is an expert in helping her clients break their addiction to toxic relationships.
Like Dr. Penn, Shannon has walked-the-walk to recovery, ending her last toxic relationship by using steps inspired by the 12-step programs. After which, Shannon attracted a loving, stable, funny man she’s been married to for fifteen years.
And now she’s helping her clients to do the same thing.
Plus, I’ll be there live and on the podcast as well.
Here’s a bio for me:
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and is a frequent guest in the media, having appeared in over 650 news stories on the intersection of love and technology. She was named the “Pioneer of Online Dating” by Cosmo and was listed in the Top 10 Dating Advice Columnists to Follow on Twitter.” Her Irresistible Profiles programs have helped millions of singles speed up their search to find love online. Julie will be discussing the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online and will help demystify the cryptic text messages that women and men send to each other.
Here are some results you can expect from this 3-hour workshop:
- You’ll discover why you’re attracted to certain types of people; i.e. emotionally troubled, unavailable people, or people who want to quickly fall in “love” and fuse with you.
- You’ll leave with actionable tasks to break your addiction to a toxic relationship, if you’re in one.
- You’ll have a new skill set to approach dating.
- You will have all the secrets of how to approach online dating.
You’ll have clarity about what you really want and need and how to appropriately convey that when dating someone new.
Who this workshop is for:People who are motivated to make a change in their lives with this kind of attitude:
- “Enough is enough! Tomorrow doesn’t have to be like today. I can change!”
- “I can take control of my life instead of constantly feeling disappointed and hopeless!”
- “I can identify my psychological blind spots and learn new and highly functional ways of connecting.”
“It’s time for me to stand tall and move forward with confidence and optimism.”
Who this workshop isn’t for:
- People who are invested in staying in the victim role.
- People who aren’t willing to take responsibility for their choices and their life.
- People who blame others for their hopelessness and misery.
- People who want to continually live in the past, which keeps them from fulfillment in the present.
That Bat time and Bat channel again? Wednesday Oct. 21st from 7-10 p.m.
The Roc Center, 607 Arizona Ave. Santa Monica, Ca. Between 6th and 7th street, one-block north of Santa Monica Blvd. (310) 450-ROCK (7625).
How big is this event?
We can only take 90 people.
Can men come too?
Yes, this is a co-ed event.
Do I have to talk?
We would suggest that you ask all of your burning questions. However you’re not obligated to speak. You can absolutely learn a lot just by listening to what other people ask and the responses they receive.
FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.
In this episode, I critique Karley’s Tinder profile and as her mobile dating coach, help her get ready to swipe right for a great date night.
The entire segment will feature an interview with Sean Rad, founder of Tinder and will highlight several mobile apps including Happn and Her. It’s estimated that 70% of singles will meet online and about half of that number are already using mobile dating apps.
From Los Angeles to London, Paris to New York, watch how Karley navigates the world of mobile love with the help of her cell phone.
Watch as I help her swipe to success!
WATCH OUR VIDEO BELOW
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs. For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
We’re jumping for joy at Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters as October is our Anniversary month. of the launch of CyberDatingExpert.com. It’s been 7 amazing years of providing online dating advice for singles looking for love online and on their mobile on phones on our site.
As a special surprise, I’ve been in Hollywood in the studio for weeks recording the audio book version of my bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. The exciting part is we’ve added a surprise Epilogue to the book that will warm your heart. Beware, some who have seen and heard a sneak preview have gotten teary-eyed with this new ending. Take a look at the behind the scenes photos below.
Plus! We’ve added some fun and new BONUS audio dating tips on how to date on Tinder and other mobile apps, as well as other flirty dating tips to help speed up your search. These are not included in the print edition, so keep an eye our for our release date!
I’m grateful for my amazing producer Jeff Davis who is still in post-production on the project and all I can say is WOW! Thank you from the bottom of my digital heart. Turning lemons into digital lemonade has been an amazing journey and touching the lives of singles worldwide has been a complete joy. Reading the book again was a very emotional experience. I had to stop a few times and reflect on my romantic journey, while sipping tea and honey to keep my voice going for 15 hours!
Many thanks to my friends on Facebook, who after crowdsourcing a handful of book covers designed by the lovely Megan Johnson, it was almost a unanimous vote for the book cover in this post with the gold seal. While some authors don’t like to read their own books, I felt strongly about having my voice heard in this memoir, plus I spent years in radio on-the-air and as a voice-over announcer, so I’ve been trained in radio. I hope you’ll like the final audio book as much as I do and that it will help you on your journey to finding your true love.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter