online dating expert Archives - Cyber Dating Expert : Cyber Dating Expert
In the News

Watch Online Dating Expert Julie Spira in The Lonely Italian Movie

Lonely ItalianWe’re excited to share the release of The Lonely Italian movie with our readers.

For those of you who have dated online, you know that often dates are filled with mishaps, hysterical stories, or ones where you hope to click and get to a second date.

The star of the film, Domenico Nesci, just can’t get to a second date because he keeps getting in the way. This is why he needs a dating coach.

Here’s an excerpt from The Lonely Italian, where online dating expert Julie Spira helps Domenico Nesci, set up his profile by selecting the photos.

Domenico, being a funny guy, had a few profile photos that would make everyone SWIPE LEFT.

You can order and watch the full feature film here and get ready to laugh out loud.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and mobile dating expert. She’s an award-winning dating coach and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, where she’s been helping singles find love online for almost 25 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating advice.

Help! My Boyfriend Created a Tinder Profile After a Fight

Hi Julie,

Today my best friend was on Tinder and found my boyfriend’s account. We have been together almost 3 years, though we have broken up twice. I confronted him about it and he told me he made it after a big fight of ours, realized he was making a mistake, then deleted the app, and must have forgotten to delete the account.

He said that he didn’t message or get involved with anyone. When I asked him for permission to log on to see if his claims were true, he said that he already just deleted the account.

What do I do?

Worried

My Dear Worried,

If I had a dollar for every person who contacted me after they or a friend found a Tinder profile during a swiping frenzy, I’d take a trip around the world.

RELATED: HELP! I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND ON TINDER

All relationships go through bumps on the road, and a guy often looks to see who else is out there, if he has doubts about the relationship, or even if he’s about to make a deeper commitment.

That doesn’t mean he met someone, chatted with someone, or even remembered he had a moment of faux girlfriend shopping.

The most important part of a relationship is trust. If he says he deleted the app, that’s probably exactly what he thinks he did and you need to believe him.

When someone removes Tinder from their mobile phone, they assume it’s gone, as they aren’t using it. There is a difference between removing Tinder from your phone and deleting your account permanently. Most people don’t realize that.

Your boyfriend thinks he’s a good guy and is in a relationship with you, but his profile will still appear on Tinder as a potential match to others, so yes, it looks like a form of cheating.

RELATED: HOW TO DELETE YOUR TINDER PROFILE WHEN YOU MEET THE ONE

I say let it slide now, or you could be headed for another breakup. If it’s not on his phone, he isn’t swiping right or left on anyone, nor is he chatting with anyone. Give it a few weeks and let him know that you appreciate him being honest with you about “removing” Tinder from his phone and that you’re happy everything is going well with the two of you.

Then let him know you read an article (mine), that said if you take Tinder off your phone, it stays on their service as an active profile unless you log on and specifically click “Delete Account.” It’s in the settings part of the profile that looks like a gear at the very bottom.  Tell him it would make you feel more comfortable if he deleted/disabled his account, so others who know both of you don’t assume that the two of you agreed to an “open relationship.” Make it about the two of you, not just about you.

Send him this link, How to Delete Tinder on how to do it, but don’t look over his shoulder and question him on who he was chatting with, if anyone. Again, it’s about trust and show that you trust that he tried to remove Tinder correctly and that even you didn’t realize there’s a difference between removing Tinder and deleting an account.

I think he’s telling you the truth and really wants you to trust him. Have the conversation in a very loving way. He’ll appreciate the fact that neither of you want to send the message that you’re available for an open relationship, when you’re not.

Keep me posted!

Julie

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating and find out how our Irresistible Profiles programs will help you find your dream date.

 

 

How to Delete Tinder When You Meet The One

delete tinderDid you Swipe Right on Tinder and meet someone you’d like to date exclusively?

If so, congratulations are in order and you’re not alone.

Tinder reports 10 matches to date and 1.4 billion swipes every day.

Still, we get contacted several times a week when someone thinks their boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on them because his or her Tinder profile is still active. Typically a friend notices it and wonders if there’s trouble in paradise.

RELATED: A LOVE EXPERT HELPED US WITH OUR TINDER PROFILES

Before you start accusing your S.O. that they’ve been sneaking around and before you do something drastic like sneak a peek at their phone, as a Tinder Expert, I need to share with you that there’s a huge DIFFERENCE between REMOVING Tinder off your mobile phone, which is what the majority of people do, and actually DELETING Tinder through their app while it’s still on the phone.

The former will result in your profile still being active for others to see and it sends a message that you’re single and hoping someone will be swiping right in anticipation of a match and to meeting IRL. The latter disables your account and your Tinder profile will no longer be viewed by others who are swiping and matching.

Got it? So here’s how to fix it.

How to Delete Tinder

  1. If you’ve already taken Tinder off your mobile phone, download the app again and sign in.
  2. Once you’re signed in, on the top left side, click on the icon to view your profile
  3. Once your profile is on the screen, click on the grey gear symbol in the middle of the screen.
  4. This brings you to a “Settings” page. Scroll to the bottom of the page, where you will see the option to “Logout” or “Delete Account.” Select Delete Account.
  5. You will receive a message that says, “Account successfully deleted.”

RELATED: HELP I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND ON TINDER

If you’ve met someone you really like, give it a chance to see where it goes. If you ever break up, you an always create a new Tinder account in just a few minutes.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and mobile dating expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years and on mobile apps like Tinder since their launch. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Find out how our Swiping Right program will help you have the most rocking Tinder profile to fill your date card.

 

Watch Match: The Musical for a Smile

Match the Musical

I’ve always said that music can be an important part of your online dating profile and our friends at Match agree.

I’ve encouraged singles to include their favorite bands, use song lyrics for screen names, or list the upcoming concerts they’re scheduled to attend.

Many dating apps give you the ability to link your spotify account to your profile to see if you have similar musical taste, which is a great ice breaker.

Taking it a step further, Match created this fun musical video about a couple who met online and are excited about their new found relationship. The two are in serious crush mode and it will make you smile.

Watch this video of Match: The Musical

You just might find yourself humming along and clicking the replay button and logging on more often to find that same type of connection.

RELATED: How Music Can Improve Your Dating Profile

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. As an early adopter of Internet dating, she’s been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

CLICK HERE for 25% of  you membership to Match

OkCupid Ditches Who’s Viewed You Feature

OkCupid

After a bunch of beta testing, our friends at OkCupid have decided to remove the feature of who’s viewed your profile, thereby enabling all members to browse anonymously on their online dating site and mobile app.

Previously part of the A-List premium paid features, now all members can browse, um, stalk their favorite profiles while they proactively can now like and comment on photos.
In the OkCupid blog, they give the following reason for these changes.

Likes & Messages Are the Truest Indicators of Interest

“Likes and messages are much clearer indicators of someone’s interest. And in dating, clearer is better. If someone messages you, for example. That means that someone wants to get to know you better. Or someone likes you. We take that as a clear sign that they’re interested in you. If you’ve also liked that person, you’ll both be able to see that you’ve mutually liked each other — even if neither of you have A-List — and you’ll get that signal of interest directly”

How Invisible Browsing Now Works

Without being able to view who visited your profile, you won’t know until they tacke action and message or like your profile and/or photos. 

The reason for this change, is the site is strongly encouraging you to message someone, rather than taking a peek and deciding later.

OkCupid claims that men who send a first message between 40 and 90 characters have the highest chances of a reply, and women who make the first move are 17% more likely to end up on a date than those who don’t.

So when we say word count and character count matters, it’s now backed up by their research.

Are you ready to put ten toes in and make the first move?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and had been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

SURVEY: The #1 Way to Be More Romantic

Top Romantic Gestures

Wondering if you’re super romantic or not?

In honor of National Romance Awareness month, held every August, our friends at Match shared their Singles in America Survey, ranking what singles believe to be the most romantic gestures.

Before you open your wallet for jewelry, unless it’s for an engagement ring, the survey showed that the top most romantic thing you can do is to take care of your partner when they are sick. (87%)

I’ll always remember the guy who once put together a get well care package when I was under the weather. He included chicken soup, food for the week, a candle, a cute card, throat spray, and vitamin C, all wrapped in a big bow.

So if you’re sweetie is under the weather, offer to take him or her to the doctor, pick up some remedies and be their rock for when they are ready to roll.

A former boyfriend, who now is my male BFF has me on the pedestal, because I took care of him during his knee surgery. I went to the hospital, stayed with him until they rolled him into the surgery room, called all of his contacts when he came out of surgery, and spent the night in the hospital and camped out at his place, feeding him and helping him walk again.

It brought us closer and gave us a bond that we will never forget.

RELATED: 21 Ways to Celebrate National Romance Month

The other top romantic gestures from the survey include:

2. Attending a family outing together as a Couple (83%)

Not every couples wants to be Facebook official, but when your SO brings you to the family reunion or a wedding, the message is clear. You’re important enough to blend in with his or her family.

3. Mentioning Your Significant Other to Your Friends (82%)

While you don’t need to kiss-and-tell about everything you do, when you can’t wait to tell your BFF or coffee group about the new guy or girl to your friends, your letting them know this one’s special and isn’t in rotation.

4. Vacationing Together (79%)

If you’ve passed the first three, it’s time to take the big vacation test. Before you grab your passport, schedule a weekend away of 1-2 nights, learn how to roll with any scheduled changes, and see if you can handle sharing the same bathroom together. Passing this test is a good sign for your relationship.

RELATED: How to Survive Your First Romantic Trip Together

5. Mentioning Your Significant Other to Your Parents (76%)

We know that you get nagged about what’s new with the new person you’re dating. Your parents just want you to be happy, but when you feel great about your relationship, both of you will want to brag about your partner to your parents, and they’ll be over the moon with joy to hear things are going well.

Wishing you much love and joy during National Romance Month.

Follow Online Dating Expert Julie Spira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt Newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s an award-winning dating coach and love expert who has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

The Lonely Italian – Online Dating Movie

The Lonely Italian
 

It’s official! The film, The Lonely Italian has been released and you can watch it now!

It’s a hilarious movie, and I’m honored to have been the star’s online dating experts and coach. Watch early on as I help the lonely Italian Domenico Nesci navigate the waters of online dating and mobile dating apps. You name it, he’s tried it!

The film has already won one festival award for Best Film-USA in the Ferrara Film Festival.

From JDate to Tinder, 420 Dating to Fitness Singles, Dominco leaves no dating opportunity off the table.

Here’s the film trailer and it will have you ROTFL.

You can download the film digitally on your tablet or TV through Amazon, iTunes and more.

Click here to purchase or rent the movie.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s an award-winning dating coach and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, where she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

20 Ways to Celebrate National Romance Month

National Romance Month

It’s National Romance Awareness Month.  Although love and romance should be a part of your regular regime while dating, in a relationship, or marriage, it’s a great reminder to keep the spark alive in your relationship.

The Match Singles in America Study showed that 68% of single men want to find love this year, so love is in the air, on your mobile phones, and could easily fall into your lap this summer.

To celebrate National Romance month, here are 20 romantic things to do for your date, so they’ll be thinking about you all day long, while waiting to see you on date night.

20 ways to ramp up the romance

Newly Dating or Playing the Field

As one who spends a lot of time helping singles with their mobile dating and online dating profiles, I can’t help but stress that logging on and swiping right are one of the simplest ways to think about romance and relationships.

  • When you log in daily, take extra time to compliment someone on his or her smile, eyes, or outfit.
  • Always use their first name if you know it in messages or texts. 
  • Reply promptly to messages to keep the momentum going.

You’ll be surprised how quickly the boomerang effect will take place. You’ll feel like romance is just a click away.

Send Flirty Texts

I’m a huge fan of sending romantic text messages leading up to your date.

  • Send a fun and flirty morning text message to let your date or significant other know that you’re excited about your date.
  • Tell the person you’re dating that they’re your hero.
  • Say you’re the luckiest person in the world to have met him or her.
  • Add a few xoxo’s at the end of your messages to show affection.

Read: 20 Flirty Text Messages to Capture His Heart

Leave a Hand-Written Love Note

While I love the flirty texts, there’s something extra personal about receiving a hand-written note or card.

  • Leave a surprise love note on their pillow or in the bathroom drawer for the object of your affection.
  • Send a card in the mail with a stamp on it and let your sweetheart know what you mean to them.
  • Remember to say ‘I love you.”

The best part is, it’s a keepsake and can be looked at during the days and nights in between your next date.

Smile and be Confident

Believe it or not, you actually feel happier and more confident even when you’re smiling while even talking on the telephone or texting.  But when you’re out-and-about, wear that smile proudly in public.

  • Nobody can imagine romance with a “Debbie” or “Donnie Downer,” so smile at the grocery store
  • Smile while standing in line at the bank or waiting for your turn at the ATM, or in an exercise class.

You’ll come across as happier and don’t be surprised if a few heads turn.

First Date Rules – Be Proactive for Romance

Being passive on a date doesn’t help you in the romance department. Sure you don’t want to be too aggressive, but a survey from dating site Zoosk showed the squeaky wheel gets the romance deal.

  • The survey said 34% of singles finding it most romantic when their date plans a surprise activity for their first date
  • 27% liking to hold hands on the first date
  • 25% actually enjoying it when their date leans in for that first memorable kiss.

Schedule Date Nights

If you already have a steady loved one, you know how often relationships can end up in a rut after the first three months. When the honeymoon period starts to wane, if you’re not dating your mate and creating romantic memories, it’s easy for the relationship to fizzle out.

  • Pick the same day each week for “date night” and take turns selecting your date spot.
  • You don’t have to break the bank, especially during Romance Awareness Month, as there are plenty of free concerts, where you can bring a picnic basket to.
  • Take that beach walk that is listed in your dating profile. Being barefoot on the beach with your toes in the sand, or building a sandcastle is still an ultimate romantic date.

Read: 5 Ways to Create a Great Date Night

Introduce Your Date to Friends and Family

Do you want to show your love? Go out in public hand-in-hand with your partner and show some PDA.

  • Take him or her to a family outing
  • Plan a romantic weekend away and post photos as a couple
  • Watch a romantic comedy or binge watch your favorite shows for a Netflix-and-Chill night.

What romantic rituals help you in your relationship?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Mobile and Online Dating Expert. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and has been creating Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene for over two decades.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

Match Poll Shows Men and Women Agree on Wearing Red on a Date

Red Hot

Date Outfits - Cyber Dating Expert

I’ve always said single women should wear red on a date and on their online dating profile primary photos.

It’s not just because red is my favorite color, but research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology at the University of Rochester also proved that women who wore red on their online dating profiles received more emails from men, went on more dates, and the men actually spent more money on women wearing red.

We know that red is the color of love, passion, and the stop sign. But red is that winning color both in the boardroom and the bedroom.

To add to that theory, our  friends at Match partnered with Finery and polled 2500 singles to determine the best date outfits and the worst date outfits.

BEST DATE OUTFITS AS SELECTED BY MEN

The winner by both was clearly a simple sophisticated and casual mid-length red dress, paired with a classic clutch, heels, and fun earrings. The look was called “Red Hot,” and I have to agree on the choice. So for those who think you should wear a mini-dress, or plunging cleavage, think again. 

The second pick by the guys was called “Sweet and Flirty,” which is a good summer look. Off the shoulder tops are all the rage now, and wearing hot pink is as close to wearing red as you can find.

Sweet and Flirty

Sweet and Flirty date outfit

When it comes to first date outfits, or any date for that matter, where what makes you feel comfortable, flirty, and happy. Dressing in grunge, sweats, or uggs, are good for hanging out at home, but they’re a turn-off for a guy. Dressing for women who will notice the brands will just bleed  your wallet. A guy wants to see you wearing something feminine and form fitting.

WORST DATE OUTFITS AS SELECTED BY MEN

As far as the worst date outfits, the men gave a thumbs down to outfits with minimal effort, ones that were too trendy, mis-matched, Woodstock glam, and striped with a pop of color.

Here were the top 2 losers according to the Match and Finery poll

Minimal Effort

men's worst date outfits

Trend Overload

Men's Worst Dating Outfits

Former E! News Correspondent, blogger and stylist, Alicia Quarles, commented on the fashion survey and said,

“Our poll results don’t exactly prove that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, we actually found that both genders agreed on the best date look, and that men don’t care about the latest trends or high fashion.” Quarles continues to say, “They want to see a woman’s figure—and less women dressing for other women on a first date (i.e., in very fashionable outfits which are on trend, but that don’t necessarily show off everything). Through this, we’ve realized that men just want to determine all lines of attraction on a first date, including physical attraction, so outfits that don’t show a woman’s shape can potentially complicate things.”

So does it matter what you wear on a date? Absolutely. You have that split second to make a first impression and I think the choices selected by men and women are feminine and memorable, both online and IRL.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 23 years. Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt Newsletter

 

Dating Advice – 5 Ways to Heal When Your Ex Moves On

Celebrity relationships were all the buzz this week. As the guest dating expert on “Access Hollywood Live,” I joined Natalie Morales and Kit Hoover to talk about dating, love, Jay-Zee big confession about his marriage to Beyonce, and Ben Affleck’s public appearances with his new girlfriend, SNL producer Lindsay Shookus.

RELATED: Ben Affleck and Lindsay Shookus – Dating Expert Julie Spira Weighs In

With Affleck showing off his new relationship status, the question was asked, “what do you do when your ex moves on?”

Since just about everyone can relate to a heartbreak, we did a deep dive on how Hollywood celebs, or the girl next door should cope post-breakup when your ex finds a new girlfriend.

Here are the 5 tips I shared with Access Hollywood Live

1. Do a Digital Detox

Julie Spira - Access Hollywood

“The first tip is do what I call a digital detox. Even if you’ve said, ‘Okay, we’re going to stay friends when you break up,’ it’s really hard to just move into that friend zone. What happens is you start to become a stalker and you just can’t help yourself. So don’t do that. Block them and unfriend them on Facebook. You can always become friends again once the dust has settled and you both have moved on. Staring at other the other people at you and your sweetheart’s favorite restaurant that you used to go to for your anniversary is just something that is going to sting.”

2. Don’t Compare and Contrast

via GIPHY

“It’s so easy to fall into that trap of comparing yourself to the new girl. You may ask yourself, is she prettier? Does she have nicer clothes? Is she better in bed? Is she smarter? Is she sexier? You get into this trap, and it’s really bad because what happens is, your brain starts to trick you into thinking that comparing yourself to this person is natural. You need to your own individuality. You don’t really know that she’s good at anything other than being the next girl.”

3. Practice Self Love

via GIPHY

“Self-love really is number one. One of these tips that I use with the singles that I coach is if you’re going through a break-up, get dressed up, looked good, stand in front of your mirror and say, ‘You are the the prize,’ and repeat it, ‘You are the prize.’ Eventually, you will believe it. The more that you can love yourself and go out and do good things for yourself, like workout more, maybe lose that weight you want to, take up a yoga class, or take up a new hobby, the more you will become more dateable.”

4. Avoid the Rebound Relationship

via GIPHY

“We see more rebound relationships with men than with women. Women tend to hang out with their girlfriends and, of course, talk about their ex. Just because he might have moved on in a split second doesn’t mean that you need to do the same. I really feel that– having a replacement boyfriend immediately, can often backfire. It might not be a good fit for you, and then you’ve got to get over two break-ups.”

5. Get Out and Live Life!

Julie Spira - Access Hollywood

“I always say that take that covers off your head. Think about the books and magazines that might have been stacking up and start reading them. Maybe go under a palm tree and read a magazine, or if you actually once thought you might want to write a book, start penning that book and writing down your thoughts. Journal about your break-up because the more you read and write it, the more healing it is. Remember, there’s a reason that you broke up and that this person is now your ex. I always say, “Knock him off that pedestal right now.”

RELATED: Jay-Z and Beyonce – Dating Expert Julie Spira Weighs In

Julie Spira is a celebrity dating coach, relationship expert and online dating expert. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter

Next Page »