I’m so happy you’re here.
It seems like this summer sped by like lightning in a thunderstorm.
It’s time to welcome one of my favorite months of the year, October. According to a Gallup Poll reported by the Today Show, May and October rank as the top two months of the year.
I love October, as the weather is still warm in Los Angeles and the leaves are turning colors in other cities around the country. It’s time for adventure, weekend getaways and thinking about love. After all, who wouldn’t want to fall in love this fall?
October is a time where we start to think about the holidays, change our wardrobes, and start to fill our calendars with regular activities that took a break in the summer. It’s also one of the flirtiest months of the year as we celebrate Halloween. We have some fun costume ideas to bring out your inner flirt.
Also in October, we start to think about Thanksgiving and what we’re grateful for all the good we have happening in our lives.
Here are Cyber-Dating Expert headquarters, we love to share our success stories and we have two couples we’ve worked with who are getting married in October in fairy-tale weddings and another couple who are moving in together. Does online dating work? You bet! It’s been fun going to bridal showers in September for these October brides!
So as we reflect on the summer romances we might have had and think about what is in store for us this fall, I encourage you to fill your date cards, think about the possibilities of attracting a great love in your life, and if you’re dating someone special, take a plunge and put all ten toes in. Have a profile deleting party just for the two of you and toast to your new relationship status.
If you’ve taken a break from online dating, it’s time to reactivate your profile. Try a new mobile dating app to speed up your search and let us help you with your quest.
On our end, October is always a big month for us. It’s our Anniversary month of the launch of CyberDatingExpert.com and we’ll be celebrating our 7th anniversary with some special offers and the announcement of the audio book version of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. After spending two full days in a Hollywood studio recording the audio book, we’re now in post-production. All I can say is, wait until you read the never-been-released Epilogue! It will also include an audio bonus with the newest dating advice to help you while looking for love online and on your mobile phones.
Regardless of your relationship status, embrace the month of October. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
As always, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert team.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Our friends at OkCupid had a bit of a digital facelift recently. Among the changes to help you find love online more quickly, you might notice that you no longer can search for someone by their username anymore.
A recent study showed that LOVE is the number one most popular search term for single searching on OkCupid. But what if you suddenly can’t find his or her profile anymore?
While they’ve refined the site to help you browse for matches more easily, taking a peek at that cute hunk or hottie that you have a digital crush on might be a little bit more difficult.
If you’re wondering how to find his or her Internet dating profile, the good news is you can still browse and search for a user, but getting there is a bit more complicated.
Here’s how to find a profile on OkCupid based on the username:
1. Log onto OkCupid on your desktop.
2. Click on your profile thumbnail on the top right hand side of the screen.
4. Type in the user’s name in the box where it says search by username.
5. If their profile is active, it will appear and you can now click on their profile.
To make it simpler, type in this URL below in your browser while logged on to OkCupid. It will take you directly to the “Find a User” page. Remember, unless you’re an “A List” where you can browse anonymously, or are using the new Incognito premium feature, which hides your profile from being viewed by users who you haven’t liked or messaged, users will see that you recently visited their online dating profile.
Are you using OkCupid? What do you think of the recent changes to their site?
To find out more about how to create an Irresistible Profile to find your dream date, visit IrresistibleProfiles.com.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more online and mobile dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
To help you with your search, Match.com will be saying goodbye to your old screen name and you can now officially use your first name on your profile. As we can see from mobile dating apps such as Tinder and other sites, singels actually like to see your real name on a profile.
In thinking back to my first user names, I wanted to have a bit of anonymity and used “Pianobaby” as I played a baby grand piano and “HarleyQT” as I loved riding on the back of bikes. I felt they were a good representation of my personality with the hopes of finding someone else who was passionate about music and motorcycles.
Starting today, you can change your screen name to your first name. According to the Match blog, If you’re first name is Sarah, Michelle or Lisa, chances are you’ll get more emails from men. For the guys, if your first name is Mike, Steve, or Dan, you’ll have a greater chance of receiving an email from the ladies.
How to Change Your User Name on Match
If you’re ready to retire your screen name now, log on to your Match account and go to Account Settings to change your Match username to your actual name. You can also also change it using the Match app on your iPhone.
To celebrate this right of passage, Match would like to hear your horrible usernames– because let’s face it, everyone has had one. Tweet @Match using #RIPMatchUsername and they’ll pick their favorites to win a free 6-month membership.
Are you ready to change your screen name?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia
In this fun-filled hour on the radio, we talked about the early days on Internet dating, how I became an online dating expert, tips on what makes a great online dating profile photo, why singles swipe right and left on Tinder and other mobile dating apps, niche dating sites such as ChristianMingle and JDate and ‘catfishing’ and more.
When asked why online dating works so well, with one out of three relationships starting online, I explained that Internet dating is efficient. It’s available 24-hours a day. You can be sitting at work one moment, get a push notification on your mobile phone and be on a coffee date within minutes.
Tony wondered why people sign up for dating sites when they can date on Facebook for free, and I chimed in that Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site, if they wanted to be.
Listen to this replay of our live broadcast for everything you need to know to be successful with online dating.
For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For help with your online dating profile check out IrreistibleProfiles.com and SwipingRight to help find your dream date.
With the story that’s hitting the news worldwide and households in fear, we tackled the subject of the Ashley Madison hack on channel 11, My FOX LA, Studio 11 LA.
In a television interview with hosts Lauren Sivan and Bob DeCastro, the question came up, do you reveal that your email was one of 25+ million revealed on Ashley Madison or do you keep it to yourself?
In a story where the World Wide Web has become the Wild, Wild, West, the issues of privacy and infidelity are now at hand for millions of members of their site. Do you kiss-and-tell or do you call a divorce attorney?
Millions of women around the world will be heartbroken. Most of the site’s members reside in the United States, with Los Angeles and New York being the top cities for members.
Trust takes time to build and a split second to lose. How do you rebuild the trust? Can you?
A site called Trustify has a page where you can search for someone’s email to see if they’ve signed up, but this doesn’t guarantee they actually paid or met someone. The ratio of men to women is about 5:1.
I’m not a fan, nor an endorser of Ashley Madison or sites like these and believe in investing your time and energy into your relationship.
Would you tell your significant other you’ve joined Ashley Madison?
Watch as we discuss this difficult subject on FOX Los Angeles.
For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating coaching programs. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com.
Listen to the Peter Tilden Show on KABC Radio in Los Angeles, with solo guest host Lisa Guerrero, who asked me to join in to help her navigate the waters of Tinder dating. Lisa said she is happily married, so she’s not a part of the Tinder generation and mobile dating apps. It was a fun and interesting conversation.
Some of the questions about online dating and mobile dating included:
LISA: Vanity Fair wrote a juicy recent article on Tinder and the hookup culture. What in the world is a tinder hookup culture and why is it ruining romance?
JULIE: Some people think it’s ruining romance, but it comes down to everyone’s swiping. We’re living in a swiping world. Everyone is swiping right and left on Tinder as a “hot or not” like a game to keep playing.
LISA: So someone gets this app and through this app they can see their picture and decide whether to swipe right or left and decide to connect with that person or dump them. Apparently what this Is this generation hooking up?
JULIE: It’s easier to hook up because you go onto your mobile phone, a location-based app. You can find someone a few miles away and boom you’ve got a date.
LISA: In the VF story it’s reported 100 million people are using mobile apps with 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day.
JULIE: It’s huge. The numbers are enormous. Just because they are swiping doesn’t mean they’re meeting IRL. If you don’t take your relationship offline, you just have a digital pen-pal or someone you’re texting with.
LISA: So Julie, if I’m on a bar and I’m single, I can see the possibilities of people who want to
JULIE: As long as you’re a mutual match. If I swipe right, the guy’s got to swipe right too and then you get a push notification that you have a mutual match and can start sending texts to each other.
LISA: This is based simply on links. Your only impression of the person is their picture, right?
JULIE: For men, it’s based on looks and they don’t even read the profile. They just keep swiping right as it’s a numbers game. Women tend to be more methodical. They look at profiles before they decide to swipe right or left.
LISA: Back in the olden dates, things moved really slow. You went on dates and went from first-base to second-base. What I’m understanding on Tinder, if that a guy is interested he sends [naked] picks. Julie do you think this is a short term way of meeting people or can you find a long term relationship?
JULIE: A lot of people looking for a relationship are also going on Tinder.
There will always be people looking to hookup and always people looking for love. They’re both playing in the same digital playground now.
KABC producer Miriam tried Tinder for 2 weeks to get an idea for the sake of the show. She shared with us her experience that if you swipe to the right is yes, swipe to the left is a loser.
“It’s really scary what these guys are putting on their profiles. They really are looking to hook up. They’re specific in their chats,” she said. Miriam wanted to meet specifically for a coffee date with a guy. Then he says, “Why don’t you meet me at my apartment.
For the rest of the radio segment, click below.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and was an early adopter of the Internet. Julie’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years and from the convenience of mobile dating apps. Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and share your Tinder dating stories.
MATT: I met my girlfriend on Tinder.
Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. ‘Wow, that relationship must be solid if you met on a site like Tinder.’ Frankly, I don’t blame you. Up until about six months ago, I would have responded the exact same way. But Allee and I are living proof that you can find love on Tinder.
Before signing up in January of this year, I had never used any online dating sites, so you can probably imagine my skepticism. I had moved to Los Angeles only three months prior, and to that point had been wildly unsuccessful with dating. I’ve always been a gregarious, outgoing guy, and as a professional journalist and former TV and radio reporter, I’ve never thought myself to be lacking in the charisma department, so conventional ways of meeting people seemed to me much more opportune and much less shallow than some mobile app that asks you to judge someone based on your first impression of a photo.
I quickly found myself addicted to swiping in directions both left and right, and even more so to seeing the words “It’s A Match!” flash across my screen. When I first saw Alexandra (Allee) on Tinder, I’ll admit, I swiped right because I thought she was sexy. I swiped right, but got no response in the days that followed. During that time, I went out with a couple of girls, also from Tinder, but none that made me think “Wow, she’s girlfriend material.” Maybe a week after I had first swiped right, I got a notification saying that Alexandra and I matched.
I’m not sure why, but a voice in my head said ‘Message her! Now, you idiot!” I took a quick glance at her profile, which began “Independent. Sales Secretary. Sass queen.” I led with this:
Over the days that followed, Allee and I messaged constantly via Tinder. We would message each other ‘Good morning!’ every day before work and “Goodnight!’ every night before bed. I explained to Allee that I was unsure what I was looking for, because my previous girlfriend had left me abruptly, after a three year relationship, so she could explore other options in men. Allee told me she had reservations as well, because she’d been taken advantage of many times in the past. Despite my skepticism, there was something inexplicably magnetic about her personality, and I knew I had to at least give it a shot.
We continued to text and eventually made plans for dinner and a movie the following weekend, just before Valentine’s Day. Doing my best to quell my nerves when I arrived at the front door, I knocked and was greeted by a stunning, curvy blonde with a bright smile, kind eyes, and an infectious laugh. We were able to skip most of the formalities and awkwardness, since despite it being our first meeting, I felt like I knew so much about her from texting back and forth in the days prior.
The plan was to hit my preferred sushi joint, but as my luck would have it, the restaurant was closed for a private party. After having a laugh at my expense, we found a suitable substitute and bonded over our love of raw fish and Bradley Cooper films, and I regressed to a high school kid with butterflies in his stomach when she laid her head on my shoulder during the movie. We shared our first kiss that night on her doorstep. We made plans to meet again the following weekend, and went out on an impromptu Valentine’s Day date for Italian food and The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (which we obviously loved).
Allee and I have now been together for more than half a year. We see each other several times a week, and enjoy going to baseball games, eating sushi, and going on hikes around L.A. with Allee’s German Shepard, Hazel. Allee is a thoughtful, selfless, hilarious, and generous woman. She makes me want to be the best version of myself but wouldn’t change a thing about me if you asked her. I often ask myself (and sometimes her too) what I did to deserve this. We’re incredibly happy together, and while no one can predict the future, we are planning to be that way for the foreseeable future.
The moral of the story? You never know unless you swipe (right).
Congratulations to Matt and Allee on finding their match on Tinder.
Do you have an online dating story to share? Send us your story and we might feature YOU in our Cyber Love Story series.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and is the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and helps them find love on Tinder with SwipingRight.com. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
The article on Vanity Fair about Tinder resulted in a #TinderMeltdown, when the mobile app lashed back out at writer Nancy Jo Sales. The story went viral with thirty-or-so tweets from Tinder defending their position of helping singles also find love online, and not just as a hookup app.
The point is, there’s a little bit of everything going on relationship-wise online and offline.
From hook-ups to marriage, soul mates to bed mates, there’s a mobile app for you.
As a guest on AirTalk with Larry Mantle on NPR’s KPCC, we talked about this story, Tinder dating, and heard from a variety of men and women who are using Tinder who shared their experiences.
To listen to the rebroadcast, click here
Do you have a Tinder story to share? Please post your comments here.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and find out how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.
In the September issue of Vanity Fair, Nancy Jo Sales wrote an in -depth piece called, Tinder and the Dawn of “Dating Apocalypse.” It’s an eye-opener and validation of a woman’s worst fear. The guys are swiping right to hook up and it’s all just a game.
In the story, it’s reported that 100 million people are using mobile apps, with about 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day. The numbers are mind-boggling and enormous.
The VF story is really about sex and hookups. Mobile apps just happen to ramp up the numbers in a digital second, and singles in their 20s are buying into the hooking up program, I believe which ruins their chance at romance.
We’re living in a virtual world of swiping left and swiping right, with many instantly determining if you’re hot or not. But even if you’re not considered hot, many just keep swiping right, as it’s just a numbers game when it comes to mobile dating. Tinder and other apps provide the tools to hook up and have sex with multiple partners a day, or not.
Many women claim they want romance and a long-term relationship, but they seem to feel that sending photos of their private parts and receiving dick photos is a part of the digital courtship process and join the program.
The problem is, some women are hooking up with hopes to change the mindset of the guy they’ve just slept with. Maybe they’ll think of them as marriage or relationship material, or maybe they’ll be swiping right while you’re putting your clothes back on.
As one who has embraced online dating for over 20 years as an early adopter of Internet dating, and one who coaches and helps singles find serious relationships in the digital age, I have mixed feelings about Tinder. I’m thrilled that it’s given credibility to online and mobile dating and gives you a chance to cast a wider net to find a date or a mate.
If you say you’re using Tinder to your friends, one may ask you why you’re on a hookup app if you’re looking for love. But who isn’t using Tinder? Celebrities such as Hillary Duff, Katy Perry, and Ed Sheeran on Tinder, with Sheeran receiving the first celebrity verified profile on the mobile app. They join the Tinder bandwagon because they’re single and it’s easy to use and is fun. After all, after each swipe, you’re prompted with a message to “Keep playing?”
So we continue to swipe with the hopes of finding a match worthy of introducing to your friends and family, but weeding out those who want to hookup and those who want love is confusing.
We hope there’s truth-in-advertising, but men and women can just say in their profiles that they’re looking for a serious relationship, not serial dating. However those same people could be already in a “committed” relationship, while looking for Plan B when the romance starts to fade and the monotony kicks in. Research from Global WebIndex states that 62% of Tinder users are actually in a relationship. So don’t be surprised if a friend sees your steady-sweetie’s active profile on Tinder.
So is romance dead or alive on your mobile phone? According to the Vanity Fair piece, it’s looking grim for 20s in New York who find swiping right to be an efficient and inexpensive way to shag a few girls a day or a week, but I disagree.
I encourage the women who are really looking for a relationship to ignore the “dick pics” and take your time to weed out the creepers who want to choke you within 20 minutes. Think about the approach you took while dating with traditional online dating sites or meeting through friends and combine it with the efficiency of mobile dating apps. Keep your clothes on in your profile photos, state your intentions and swipe left until you find someone worthy of having a chat with. While it’s efficient to find someone IRL in seconds, it doesn’t mean you have to meet someone immediately or rush into casual sex if it’s not your goal.
It takes time to get to know someone, whether you meet in a bar, through friends, or on Tinder. Ask a lot of questions before getting involved. But then again, if you’re in it for a night of fun, it’s a piece of digital cake to accomplish that.
To the Tinderellas out there, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. Xo
Read more to learn how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, and as a Digital Matchmaker she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia
National Romance Awareness Month gives you the opportunity and excuse to jump out of your rut and your comfort zone and think about how you can add more romance to your life, regardless of your relationship status.
Although romance is a 24-hour a day 7-day a week topic, in hot steamy month of August, romance does gets an extra boost.
To celebrate this month, try doing some extra romantic things for your date so they’ll be thinking about you all day long.
Here are seven tips to ramp up the romance in your life, with or while your looking for a romantic partner.
As one who spends a lot of time helping singles with their online dating profiles, I can’t help but stress that it’s one of the simplest ways to think about romance and relationships. When you log in daily to your online dating site, take extra time to compliment someone on his or her outfit. Let them know you think they have an incredible smile. You’ll be surprised how quickly the boomerang effect will take place. You’ll feel like romance is just a click away.
I’m a huge fan of sending romantic text messages leading up to your date. Sending a fun and flirty morning text message letting your date or significant other know that you’re excited about your date with a few xoxo’s will definitely add some romance to your love life.
Leave a Love Note
There’s something old fashioned and sexy about seeing a surprise love note on your pillow or in your bathroom drawer from the object of your affection. The best part, it’s a keepsake and can be looked at during the days and nights in between your next date.
Smile and be Confident
Believe it or not, you actually feel happier and more confident even when you’re smiling while on the telephone. Nobody can imagine romance with a “Debbie” or “Donnie Downer,” so smile at the grocery store, while standing in line at the bank or waiting for your turn at the ATM, or in an exercise class. You’ll come across as happier and don’t be surprised if a few heads turn.
First Date Rules – Be Proactive for Romance
Being passive on a date doesn’t help you in the romance department. Sure you don’t want to be too aggressive, but a survey from dating site Zoosk showed the squeaky wheel gets the romance deal with 34% of singles finding it most romantic when their date plans a surprise activity for their first date, with 27% liking to hold hands on the first date and 25% actually enjoying it when their date leans in for that first memorable kiss.
Schedule Date Nights
If you already have a steady loved one, you know how often relationships can end up in a rut after the first three months. When the honeymoon period starts to wane, if you’re not dating your mate and creating romantic memories, it’s easy for the relationship to fizzle out. Pick the same day each week and take turns selecting your date spot. You don’t have to break the bank, especially during Romance Awareness Month, as there are plenty of free concerts, where you can bring a picnic basket to or take the beach walk that so many swear they can’t wait to do.
Take that Beach Walk
Cliche as it may seem, many singles write that they enjoy taking beach walks on a date. Stop dreaming about it and schedule it with your date. Being barefoot on the beach with your toes in the sand is still the ultimate romantic date.
What romantic rituals help you in your relationship?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene.