After writing thousands of online dating profiles over the course of 23 years, as an online dating expert and coach, I’ve seen first-hand what makes a profile different and why people respond to some over others.
While most single men and women say they are looking for someone with a sense of humor, it’s on the list of clichés in a dating profile.
So how do you make your potential date laugh, respond to you, and show your sense of humor? There’s a fine line between being silly and goofy and looking like a complete clown.
Our friends at Zoosk, polled a group of their members to find out EXACTLY which words got the most responses in the humor category. The published their findings on their dating advice blog, The Date Mix.
So laugh a little, say ha ha, add an LOL and add a hilarious photo with a caption if you’d like to show off your witty side. You don’t need to be a comedian if you have this cheat sheet handy.
So if you see something funny in someone’s profile, let them know it’s hilarious. If you can find a funny photo or add a joke to your message, this survey says you’ll 50% more messages! That’s worth more than just laughing about.
So add an emoticon, talk about your witty side and promise to laugh at their jokes.
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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles programs. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and ranks as the most influential person in “dating” and “online dating” in social media.
When David’s dad requested that I critique his son’s profile on OkCupid, I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. David did not have an Irresistible Profile, not even close.
As a single dad with a heart of gold, his profile didn’t reflect what a great guy he was. As a matter of fact, the pictures weren’t inviting and throughout the profile he said, “Don’t contact me if…. and don’t contact me if…” He also included a warning label at the end.
There was such a huge list of reasons why a woman shouldn’t contact him. As a result, he had a pretty empty inbox.
Fortunately, he was a great student and his profile tune up resulted in David meeting the love of his life, Raquel and they’ve been going strong for almost four years.
David says he felt a familiar connection when he first gazed into Raquel’s eyes in her online dating photo. He recalls his initial comment being about one of their shared interests and that her outfit, in her profile photo, reminded him of a Viking princess.
Raquel responded and they had their first phone conversation where they discussed Robert Camp’s book, “Love Cards” and had fun discussing their connection, based on those principles. At the close of that phone call, they set a date to meet.
David very much appreciated their shared interests in self-help, spiritual, and mystery school topics and their attraction was mutual. Their first date led to a second and after their fifth, they became exclusive. One of the first things they did together, after becoming an item, was doing a couple’s weekend at the University of Santa Monica (USM), of which Raquel is an alum, so they could start their relationship off on the right footing.
RELATED: OkCupid’s Flirting Year in Review
Most of the couples who attended had been married for many years and they were either doing what they can to re-ignite their passion or were at the end of their ropes and desperate to find a reason to stay together. Raquel and David consider themselves to be very lucky to have learned these tools and techniques, in the beginning of their relationship, which continue to be put into practice to this day, to protect and ensure that their coupling remain conscious and honored.
Since their time together, both of them have become Human Design Guides and also formed a company called, CoachEXP.com, a rating and review website for life coaches, business mentors, and spiritual leaders, which is quickly growing in popularity. David and Raquel remain truly grateful for every precious moment they have and intend to continue to do great work together. They are partners in every sense of the word.
David says he is now in my debt, (yes men do hire dating coaches!), so I can call upon him at any time and he must comply with my wishes.
Congratulations to David and Raquel for finding love online, on OkCupid.
Do you have a Cyber Love Story to share?
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At Cyber-Dating Expert, we have a large amount of dating coaching clients who are members of Match, , so naturally when they find success with online dating, they often want to know how to delete their Internet dating or mobile dating profile so they can give the relationship a chance.
In this article, we will show you step-by-step how to take down your Match profile, even if it’s just temporarily.
How to Delete Your Match Profile
1. Sign on to Match. On the upper right hand corner, click on the gear and you’ll see a drop down menu. Click on Settings.
2. Scroll to Change/Cancel Membership. Click on the link.
3. Type in your Match password. Click Continue Cancellation
4. Click on Cancel Membership and Remove Profile
5. A pop-up will appear saying your membership has been canceled with a cancellation number.
6. Remember you will not be visible for the remainder of your subscription period. If at any time you’ve decided it’s time to start dating again, you can easily log in with your email address and password to reactivate your profile.
7. You’ll receive an email to confirm your cancellation.
At the end of the digital day, online dating is a numbers game. We encourage singles to take down their profiles if they are only interested in dating one person, so that person doesn’t get the wrong impression that you aren’t serious.
If you want to renew, just log on again. Make sure you go into your settings and activate push notifications and email notifications to receive your daily matches or invites to match events if you’re ready to start dating again.
If you need some hand holding, contact us to find out how Irresistible Coaching can help you find your dream date.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been coaching singles on finding love on the Internet, and now on their mobile phones, for over 2 decades.
I’m frustrated with something happening in my relationship and hope you can help.
Can you please help me understand what my boyfriend means when he says, “He misses chatting to girls, because he enjoys their conversations more than male conversations.”
He added that he also misses the fact that he can talk to them without people jumping to conclusions.
Do you think he misses being single and having the excitement of taking to new girls? We’ve been dating for almost a year and we’re very similar and haven’t been in a fight as yet, because we usually talk through things before it becomes a problem.
My Dear Anneline,
As a dating expert, I can tell you that your boyfriend clearly needs the validation that other girls still like him, even if he is hopelessly devoted to you. I don’t know if the two of you met online or out-and-about, but it’s clear to me that he’s keeping his options open. Perhaps he’s insecure or just got addicted to online dating and can’t take his profile down.
I don’t know if he’s chatting on social media sites such as snapchat, Facebook, WhatsApp or actually has a profile on Tinder or Bumble and is chatting that way. Either way, I look at chatting and flirting with other women when you’re in a relationship as a bit of emotional cheating and a larger case of insecurity.
I’ll let you in on a little secret. Many years ago, I had a boyfriend who I met online. When it was time to take out profiles down, we did it together and agreed to be exclusive. Everything seemed fine, except one day later, he admitted that he was having a digital withdrawal of women no longer looking at him online. He wasn’t writing back to them, nor was he scheduling dates. He had been online for so long that disconnecting became painful to him. He loved having the digital ego boost of a woman writing to him or viewing his profile. He got over it, but it caused him stress.
If your boyfriend is on a dating app and chatting, it’s grounds for breaking up. He can chat to “friends” on facebook without telling the world he’s on a dating site and available.
The reason that men don’t even like to change their relationship status, is because until they’ve committed totally, they don’t want to feel that they will never sleep with another woman ever again. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s fairly accurate.
Let your boyfriend know you don’t mind him having female platonic friends and that you have male platonic friends as well. But be clear, you’re not interested in being with anyone who wants to keep his options open, so unless the people he’s chatting with know about you or you’re mutual friends, you have a right to tell him flat out that it’s disrespectful to you. Ask him how he’d feel if you were flirting with other guys pretending you didn’t have a boyfriend. I doubt he’d like that either.
I’m not saying you should break up, but let him know that you’re a woman who deserves to be respected and he should refocus his flirting behavior and chats and direct them at you.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a question for online dating and mobile dating expert Julie Spira? Send your dating and relationship questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
It’s with great enthusiasm to tell you about this F.R.E.E. Global Video event, hosted by my friend Jaki Sabourin including special interviews with John Gray, from the Venus and Mars series and 30 other dating and relationship experts, including myself!
I have a feeling you’re going to like it as well and it’s filled with free gifts!
- Do you ever feel like you are waiting around for the right man to walk through the door or show up in your inbox?
- And maybe sometimes you start to wonder if love is even in the cards for you?
- Train a man to respect you, your needs and your deepest desires
- Set healthy boundaries so that you are never sacrificing your true self
- Master sexual confidence so that you are irresistible
- Send powerful messages to men so that only the ones you want approach you!
- Train men to communicate easily and openly. No more guessing games!
- Foster a sense of intimacy (with you in the lead!)
Sure. We can tell you how to get a date.
Wishing you much love and joy.
P.S. Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for online dating expert advice.
We’ve all gotten one of these grammatical travesties from an online crush before, either on a mobile dating app or via text. It’s one of those dreadful parts of dating, right?
In honor of National Grammar Day, we’re here to help you with your digital love life.
Proper grammar is one of the most important aspects for singles on dating sites. Did you know that nearly half of singles consider poor spelling and grammar to be a huge deal breaker?
Before you add in that extra emoticon, we’re here to help raise awareness on “National Grammar Day” to help you find love online and IRL.
According to a recent study by Zoosk, a majority of singles (72%) are turned off by blatant spelling errors, and nearly 1/4 think poor grammar means you’re chatting with someone who is uneducated or not so smart. As far as punctuation goes, of the 9,441 respondents to the Zoosk survey, 93% of singles would be happy if they received a text message with proper punctuation.
The study also found that response rates for opening messages sent with an exclamation point are 10% higher than average!
Separately, eHarmony teamed up with Grammarly, the world’s leading online proofreader, to conduct a grammar study to analyze poor grammar in dating profiles. After looking at 10,000 profiles from both men and women, Grammarly found that women make almost twice as many grammatical errors per every 100 words than men do, but are less likely to be judged by men for their grammatical errors.
As little as two spelling errors on a profile can reduce a guy’s chance of getting a response by 14%, but women’s spelling and grammar errors didn’t have an impact on their chances at a response at all.
Here are a few tips on how to clean up your online dating profile and communication so that you won’t experience any grammar faux pas that could get in the way of attracting a digital crush.
1. Use Exclamation Points!
As found in the Zoosk study, using an exclamation point can increase your chances of getting a response. Try “Hi Stacy!” instead of “Hi Stacy…” for a more positive reaction.
2. Proper Punctuation
Ending sentences with proper punctuation is actually preferred, even though some may think ending a text message with a period could come off as aggressive. Another important piece of punctuation to remember is the Oxford comma. Trust us (and Grammarly) that there’s a difference between “I love cooking my family and my dog” and “I love cooking, my family, and my dog.”
3. YOMAFIO (You Only Make a First Impression Once) and LOL
Zoosk’s study found that using the acronym “YOLO,” meaning “you only live once,” decreases response rates by 47% and they recommended that you drop it from your dating vocabulary. However, “LOL” passed the test, as it increased responses by 25%.
4. Your vs. You’re
We all remember the lesson we got from Ross Geller on that one episode of Friends (specifically, The One With The Jellyfish). There’s a very important difference between “your” and “you’re.” The differences between there, their, and they’re, or then and than, as well as to and too are also very important to know.
5. Take Your Time
Smartphones have a full keyboard and unlimited characters, so there’s no reason not to spell out what you want to say. Using shortcuts, like “u” in place of “you,” shows that you don’t care to take the time to write out a full sentence. You don’t want your potential date to feel like you’re too lazy to properly communicate with them. Beware of auto-correct, as it can bite you in the digital tush and make the smartest of singles seem a bit dumber on a good day.
Remember to always put your best digital foot forward and take the time to spell out what you want to say and your spelling and grammar will help you charm your way into your online love’s heart.
Happy National Grammar Day!
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette.
Turn to the left and smile? Sunglasses on, or off? Cleavage or cover up?
What are the best photos for your Irresistible online dating profile to capture his digital eye?
Finding the right photos for your online dating profile can be tough. Ladies, if you’ve ever wondered which photos are the best ones to put on your online dating profile, the guys have spoken up to state their faves.
In a recent online dating experiment by DatingFound, 3,570 single men were asked to rate the attractiveness of women’s Internet dating profiles, by rating their profile photos on a scale of 1 to 10.
Here’s how the photos ranked in popularity.
Almost half of the men in the survey (41% ) said they liked to see a woman showing some flesh in her online dating profile. Women showing off cleavage by wearing low-cut tops and dresses in their profile pictures scored high for younger women. For those more mature in age, guys preferred to see a more conservative look, keeping a little mystery alive.
Even though pictures showing more skin result in more messages from digital crushes, you don’t want to look as though that’s the only thing you have to offer. Remember – no bikini shots!
Happy Girls are a Complete Turn On
This survey found that 39% of men like the look of a woman who smiles in her profile pics.
Smiles can turn strangers into soulmates, so make sure you look happy in your profile photos. Happiness creates trust and approach-oriented behaviors in single men and increases your attractiveness.
Remember to flirt! A smiling profile picture is perfect because it appears as if you’re smiling at the viewer and men will respond enthusiastically.
Don’t Just Use Your Head Shots
Professional head shots look great in an online dating profile, but 11% of men like when a woman shows something they love. Appeal to men by putting your personality on display and show your fun side.
Take pictures that show your lifestyle. A shot of you reading a book, playing a guitar, cooking, golfing, yoga, or doing an activity you do regularly appeals to men.
Show Off Your Best (Left) Side
It’s been proven that we show more emotion from the left side of our face, and showing our left side in photos can create deeper resonance in those who view them.
Nine percent of men liked it when a woman showed her left side in photos. Left-side photos are also more pleasing to the eye as they change up the viewing angle from a straight-on view.
P.S. This goes both ways, as women also liked viewing photos of men with their left side.
Which Photo Should You Show First?
You should have one of each of these photos on your profile to get the most possible messages from your matches.
- Start with a photo of you showing off a little skin to capture attention.
- Can you say cheese? Post smiling happy photos (both close up and full body).
- Fun photos with activities that you’re passionate about.
- Left side poses.
Which Photos Should You Never Use?
- Avoid sunglasses as it could appear that you’re hiding something. Let him see your sparkling eyes.
- Avoid group photos with your friends. Don’t confuse a guy by making him wonder who he will be meeting on the date.
- Ditch the selfies. Need we say more? You just don’t look your best and it sends the message that it’s all about you.
- Keep your pets out of your primary photo shot. Most of us love puppies and pets, but posting your first photo with your four-legged friend sends the message that your puppy sleeps in bed with you. Where’s the room for your new beau?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for our Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.
JUST RELEASED: Our 2nd edition of The Perils of Cyber-Dating is now available on Kindle and as an audio book, narrated by the author.
It’s Valentine’s Week at at ABC in Norfolk VA, they’ve declared it #loveweek.
It was an honor and joy to be interviewed by ABC’s 13 News Now on how to have the best online dating profile.
In our video below, I share the best profile dating tips with reporter Andre Senior including:
- The catchy screen name
- Profile word count
Plus I shared a personal story from my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for our free Weekly Flirt newsletter filled with dating advice and delivered to your inbox.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on how to find love online for over 20 years. Julie’s a frequent guest in the media with her online dating and mobile dating advice. She ranks as the most influential person in dating and online dating on social media influence site, Klout.
Listen to our audio book trailer for the newly revised bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, now available on Audible, Kindle, and Amazon.
Khloe Kardashian has turned to the OkCupid mobile dating app to find love.
Celebrities dating online are as common now as your next door neighbor finding love on Match or eHarmony. Everyone from Katy Perry, Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, Britney Spears, James Franco, and Andy Cohen have joined Tinder and other dating apps.
Hollywood Life reports they saw the newly single’s blog KhloeWithAK.com, where she posted the photo of her dating profile pics on the OkCupid mobile app, after ending her relationship with NBA boyfriend, Houston Rockets’ James Hardin.
On her blog, Khloe said, “Real talk: I’ve never done online dating before, but just for shi*ts and giggles, Malika (her BFF) and I decided to fill one out,” Khloe wrote on her blog.
She added, “It was actually really fun to do, LOL! Get to swiping right, boo-boo!”
How long she’ll stay active on the site is yet to be seen. We tried to find her profile and couldn’t access it by her user name, so it might be hidden, or she might have accessed premium features to determine who could search for her.
Still, it’s refreshing to see her genuine profile. If she didn’t have the famous last name of Kardashian, she could easily appear like the girl next door.
So what does Khloe’s OkCupid profile look like?
Catchy Screen Name
Taking every day as it comes.
The First Thing People Notice About Me
My friend Malika says, “My eyes”
Favorite Books, Movies, Shows, Music, and Food
My favorite book is “The Coldest Winter.” My favorite movie is “Troop Beverly Hills.” My favorite TV show is “Sex and the City.” R&B music is my jam, and I can’t get enough Italian food.
I Spend a Lot of Time Thinking About
On a Typical Friday Night I Am
Working or hanging out with my nieces and nephews: Penelope, Mason, Reign, Saint and North!
The Most Private Thing I’m Willing to Admit
I always, always have Hot Tamales in my nightstand! I’m actually going to eat some right now.
Would you swipe right on her dating profile?
Our message to Khloe, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Have you heard the news? Our bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online has been completely revised and is available as an audio book on Audible, Amazon, and Kindle.
The audio book has new bonus dating advice, as well as a magical epilogue with a fairy tale ending to make you believe in love.
Our friends at OkCupid had a bit of a digital facelift recently. Among the changes to help you find love online more quickly, you might notice that you no longer can search for someone by their username anymore.
A recent study showed that LOVE is the number one most popular search term for single searching on OkCupid. But what if you suddenly can’t find his or her profile anymore?
While they’ve refined the site to help you browse for matches more easily, taking a peek at that cute hunk or hottie that you have a digital crush on might be a little bit more difficult.
If you’re wondering how to find his or her Internet dating profile, the good news is you can still browse and search for a user, but getting there is a bit more complicated.
Here’s how to find a profile on OkCupid based on the username:
1. Log onto OkCupid on your desktop.
2. Click on your profile thumbnail on the top right hand side of the screen.
4. Type in the user’s name in the box where it says search by username.
5. If their profile is active, it will appear and you can now click on their profile.
To make it simpler, type in this URL below in your browser while logged on to OkCupid. It will take you directly to the “Find a User” page. Remember, unless you’re an “A List” where you can browse anonymously, or are using the new Incognito premium feature, which hides your profile from being viewed by users who you haven’t liked or messaged, users will see that you recently visited their online dating profile.
Are you using OkCupid? What do you think of the recent changes to their site?
To find out more about how to create an Irresistible Profile to find your dream date, visit IrresistibleProfiles.com.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more online and mobile dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
PLEASE NOTE: THE SEARCH FEATURE HAS BEEN REMOVED ON THE OKCUPID SITE.