Dear Julie,

I’m frustrated with something happening in my relationship and hope you can help.

Can you please help me understand what my boyfriend means when he says, “He misses chatting to girls, because he enjoys their conversations more than male conversations.”

He added that he also misses the fact that he can talk to them without people jumping to conclusions.

Do you think he misses being single and having the excitement of taking to new girls? We’ve been dating for almost a year and we’re very similar and haven’t been in a fight as yet, because we usually talk through things before it becomes a problem.

Many thanks,

Anneline

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My Dear Anneline,

As a dating expert, I can tell you that your boyfriend clearly needs the validation that other girls still like him, even if he is hopelessly devoted to you. I don’t know if the two of you met online or out-and-about, but it’s clear to me that he’s keeping his options open. Perhaps he’s insecure or just got addicted to online dating and can’t take his profile down.

I don’t know if he’s chatting on social media sites such as snapchat, Facebook, WhatsApp or actually has a profile on Tinder or Bumble and is chatting that way. Either way, I look at chatting and flirting with other women when you’re in a relationship as a bit of emotional cheating and a larger case of insecurity.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Many years ago, I had a boyfriend who I met online. When it was time to take out profiles down, we did it together and agreed to be exclusive. Everything seemed fine, except one day later, he admitted that he was having a digital withdrawal of women no longer looking at him online. He wasn’t writing back to them, nor was he scheduling dates. He had been online for so long that disconnecting became painful to him. He loved having the digital ego boost of a woman writing to him or viewing his profile. He got over it, but it caused him stress.

If your boyfriend is on a dating app and chatting, it’s grounds for breaking up. He can chat to “friends” on facebook without telling the world he’s on a dating site and available.

The reason that men don’t even like to change their relationship status, is because until they’ve committed totally, they don’t want to feel that they will never sleep with another woman ever again. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s fairly accurate.

Let your boyfriend know you don’t mind him having female platonic friends and that you have male platonic friends as well. But be clear, you’re not interested in being with anyone who wants to keep his options open, so unless the people he’s chatting with know about you or you’re mutual friends, you have a right to tell him flat out that it’s disrespectful to you. Ask him how he’d feel if you were flirting with other guys pretending you didn’t have a boyfriend. I doubt he’d like that either.

I’m not saying you should break up, but let him know that you’re a woman who deserves to be respected and he should refocus his flirting behavior and chats and direct them at you.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie

Do you have a question for online dating and mobile dating expert Julie Spira? Send your dating and relationship questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram for dating advice and sign up for our FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

It’s with great enthusiasm to tell you about this F.R.E.E. Global Video event, hosted by my friend Jaki Sabourin including special interviews with John Gray, from the Venus and Mars series and 30 other dating and relationship experts, including myself!

I have a feeling you’re going to like it as well and it’s filled with free gifts!

P.S. Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for online dating expert advice.

We’ve all gotten one of these grammatical travesties from an online crush before, either on a mobile dating app or via text.  It’s one of those dreadful parts of dating, right?

In honor of National Grammar Day, we’re here to help you with your digital love life.

Proper grammar is one of the most important aspects for singles on dating sites. Did you know that nearly half of singles consider poor spelling and grammar to be a huge deal breaker?

Before you add in that extra emoticon, we’re here to help raise awareness on “National Grammar Day” to help you find love online and IRL.

According to a recent study by Zoosk, a majority of singles (72%) are turned off by blatant spelling errors, and nearly 1/4 think poor grammar means you’re chatting with someone who is uneducated or not so smart. As far as punctuation goes, of the 9,441 respondents to the Zoosk survey, 93% of singles would be happy if they received a text message with proper punctuation.

The study also found that response rates for opening messages sent with an exclamation point are 10% higher than average!

Separately, eHarmony teamed up with Grammarly, the world’s leading online proofreader, to conduct a grammar study to analyze poor grammar in dating profiles. After looking at 10,000 profiles from both men and women, Grammarly found that women make almost twice as many grammatical errors per every 100 words than men do, but are less likely to be judged by men for their grammatical errors.

As little as two spelling errors on a profile can reduce a guy’s chance of getting a response by 14%, but women’s spelling and grammar errors didn’t have an impact on their chances at a response at all.

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Here are a few tips on how to clean up your online dating profile and communication so that you won’t experience any grammar faux pas that could get in the way of attracting a digital crush.

Related: Rules of Netiquette: Love and Grammar

1. Use Exclamation Points!

As found in the Zoosk study, using an exclamation point can increase your chances of getting a response. Try “Hi Stacy!” instead of “Hi Stacy…” for a more positive reaction.

2. Proper Punctuation

Ending sentences with proper punctuation is actually preferred, even though some may think ending a text message with a period could come off as aggressive.  Another important piece of punctuation to remember is the Oxford comma. Trust us (and Grammarly) that there’s a difference between “I love cooking my family and my dog” and “I love cooking, my family, and my dog.”

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3. YOMAFIO (You Only Make a First Impression Once) and LOL

Zoosk’s study found that using the acronym “YOLO,” meaning “you only live once,” decreases response rates by 47% and they recommended that you drop it from your dating vocabulary. However, “LOL” passed the test, as it increased responses by 25%.

Related: National Punctuation Day: Dating and Grammar

4. Your vs. You’re

We all remember the lesson we got from Ross Geller on that one episode of Friends (specifically, The One With The Jellyfish). There’s a very important difference between “your” and “you’re.” The differences between there, their, and they’re, or then and than, as well as to and too are also very important to know.

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5. Take Your Time

Smartphones have a full keyboard and unlimited characters, so there’s no reason not to spell out what you want to say. Using shortcuts, like “u” in place of “you,” shows that you don’t care to take the time to write out a full sentence. You don’t want your potential date to feel like you’re too lazy to properly communicate with them. Beware of auto-correct, as it can bite you in the digital tush and make the smartest of singles seem a bit dumber on a good day.

Remember to always put your best digital foot forward and take the time to spell out what you want to say and your spelling and grammar will help you charm your way into your online love’s heart.

Happy National Grammar Day!

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram. Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Turn to the left and smile? Sunglasses on, or off? Cleavage or cover up?

What are the best photos for your Irresistible online dating profile to capture his digital eye?

Finding the right photos for your online dating profile can be tough. Ladies, if you’ve ever wondered which photos are the best ones to put on your online dating profile, the guys have spoken up to state their faves.

In a recent online dating experiment by DatingFound, 3,570 single men were asked to rate the attractiveness of women’s Internet dating profiles, by rating their profile photos on a scale of 1 to 10.

Here’s how the photos ranked in popularity.

Showing Skin

Almost half of the men in the survey (41% ) said they liked to see a woman showing some flesh in her online dating profile. Women showing off cleavage by wearing low-cut tops and dresses in their profile pictures scored high for younger women. For those more mature in age, guys preferred to see a more conservative look, keeping a little mystery alive.

Even though pictures showing more skin result in more messages from digital crushes, you don’t want to look as  though that’s the only thing you have to offer. Remember – no bikini shots!

Happy Girls are a Complete Turn On

This survey found that 39% of men like the look of a woman who smiles in her profile pics.

Smiles can turn strangers into soulmates, so make sure you look happy in your profile photos. Happiness creates trust and approach-oriented behaviors in single men and increases your attractiveness.

Remember to flirt! A smiling profile picture is perfect because it appears as if you’re smiling at the viewer and men will respond enthusiastically.

Don’t Just Use Your Head Shots

Professional head shots look great in an online dating profile, but 11% of men like when a woman shows something they love. Appeal to men by putting your personality on display and show your fun side.

Take pictures that show your lifestyle. A shot of you reading a book, playing a guitar, cooking, golfing, yoga, or doing an activity you do regularly appeals to men.

Related: Creating an Irresistible Online Dating Profile Tips

Show Off Your Best (Left) Side

It’s been proven that we show more emotion from the left side of our face, and showing our left side in photos can create deeper resonance in those who view them.

Nine percent of men liked it  when a woman showed her left side in photos. Left-side photos are also more pleasing to the eye as they change up the viewing angle from a straight-on view.

P.S. This goes both ways, as women also liked viewing photos of men with their left side.

Which Photo Should You Show First?

You should have one of each of these photos on your profile to get the most possible messages from your matches.

1. Start with a photo of you showing off a little skin to capture attention.
2. Can you say cheese? Post smiling happy photos (both close up and full body).
3. Fun photos with activities that you’re passionate about.
4. Left side poses.

Which Photos Should You Never Use?

1. Avoid sunglasses as it could appear that you’re hiding something. Let him see your sparkling eyes.
2. Avoid group photos with your friends. Don’t confuse a guy by making him wonder who he will be meeting on the date.
3. Ditch the selfies. Need we say more? You just don’t look your best and it sends the message that it’s all about you.
4. Keep your pets out of your primary photo shot. Most of us love puppies and pets, but posting your first photo with your four-legged friend sends the message that your puppy sleeps in bed with you. Where’s the room for your new beau?

Related: Puppy Love: Dating Sites Match Pet Lovers

The full DatingFound infographic can be found here.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for our Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

JUST RELEASED: Our 2nd edition of The Perils of Cyber-Dating is now available on Kindle and as an audio book, narrated by the author.

Listen to our book trailer here.

It’s Valentine’s Week at at ABC in Norfolk VA, they’ve declared it #loveweek.

It was an honor and joy to be interviewed by ABC’s 13 News Now on how to have the best online dating profile.

In our video below, I share the best profile dating tips with reporter Andre Senior including:

• The catchy screen name
• Profile word count
• Photos
• Captions
• Truth-in-advertising

Plus I shared a personal story from my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Full article at 13 News Now

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for our free Weekly Flirt newsletter filled with dating advice and delivered to your inbox.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on how to find love online for over 20 years. Julie’s a frequent guest in the media with her online dating and mobile dating advice. She ranks as the most influential person in dating and online dating on social media influence site, Klout.

Listen to our audio book trailer for the newly revised bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, now available on Audible, Kindle, and Amazon.

Khloe Kardashian has turned to the OkCupid mobile dating app to find love.

Celebrities dating online are as common now as your next door neighbor finding love on Match or eHarmony. Everyone from Katy Perry, Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, Britney Spears, James Franco, and Andy Cohen have joined Tinder and other dating apps.

Hollywood Life reports they saw the newly single’s blog  KhloeWithAK.com, where she posted the photo of her dating profile pics on the OkCupid mobile app, after ending her relationship with NBA boyfriend, Houston Rockets’ James Hardin.

On her blog, Khloe said, “Real talk: I’ve never done online dating before, but just for shi*ts and giggles, Malika (her BFF) and I decided to fill one out,” Khloe wrote on her blog.

She added, “It was actually really fun to do, LOL! Get to swiping right, boo-boo!”

How long she’ll stay active on the site is yet to be seen. We tried to find her profile and couldn’t access it by her user name, so it might be hidden, or she might have accessed premium features to determine who could search for her.

Still, it’s refreshing to see her genuine profile. If she didn’t have the famous last name of Kardashian, she could easily appear like the girl next door.

Related: Celebrities Swiping Right for Love

So what does Khloe’s OkCupid profile look like?

Catchy Screen Name

khloewithak

Self Summary

Taking every day as it comes.

The First Thing People Notice About Me

My friend Malika says, “My eyes”

Favorite Books, Movies, Shows, Music, and Food

My favorite book is “The Coldest Winter.” My favorite movie is “Troop Beverly Hills.” My favorite TV show is “Sex and the City.” R&B music is my jam, and I can’t get enough Italian food.

I Spend a Lot of Time Thinking About

My family.

On a Typical Friday Night I Am

Working or hanging out with my nieces and nephews: Penelope, Mason, Reign, Saint and North!

The Most Private Thing I’m Willing to Admit

I always, always have Hot Tamales in my nightstand! I’m actually going to eat some right now.

Related: Britney Spears Joins Other Celebrities on Tinder

Would you swipe right on her dating profile?

Our message to Khloe, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Have you heard the news? Our bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online has been completely revised and is available as an audio book on Audible, Amazon, and Kindle.

The audio book has new bonus dating advice, as well as a magical epilogue with a fairy tale ending to make you believe in love.

Our friends at OkCupid had a bit of a digital facelift recently.  Among the changes to help you find love online more quickly, you might notice that you no longer can search for someone by their username anymore.

A recent study showed that LOVE is the number one most popular search term for single searching on OkCupid. But what if you suddenly can’t find his or her profile anymore?

While they’ve refined the site to help you browse for matches more easily,  taking a peek at that cute hunk or hottie that you have a digital crush on might be a little bit more difficult.

If you’re wondering how to find his or her Internet dating profile, the good news is you can still browse and search for a user, but getting there is a bit more complicated.

Here’s how to find a profile on OkCupid based on the username:

1. Log onto OkCupid on your desktop.

2.  Click on your profile thumbnail on the top right hand side of the screen.

3. A drop down box will appear, where you can select “Find a User.”

4.  Type in the user’s name in the box where it says search by username.

5.  If their profile is active, it will appear and you can now click on their profile.

To make it simpler, type in this URL below in your browser while logged on to OkCupid.  It will take you directly to the “Find a User” page. Remember, unless you’re an “A List” where you can browse anonymously, or are using the new Incognito premium feature, which hides your profile from being viewed by users who you haven’t liked or messaged, users will see that you recently visited their online dating profile.

https://www.okcupid.com/find-a-user

Are you using OkCupid? What do you think of the recent changes to their site?

To find out more about how to create an Irresistible Profile to find your dream date, visit IrresistibleProfiles.com.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more online and mobile dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

How do you create an irresistible online dating profile and protect yourself from being a victim of a ‘Catfish?’

We tackled these questions and more in a radio interview on “The Night Side” on AM1010 in Toronto with Barb DiGiulio.

From word-count to safety; photos to emails; long-distance relationships and more, listen in to find out how you can be more successful with Internet dating.

Follow @JulieSpira for online dating advice.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has helped singles find love online for over 20 years. For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and visit CyberDatingExpert.com.

Is it true that blondes have more fun?

Our friends at Match teamed up with Wella for a #LoveisintheHair survey to of online daters on Match to find out what the guys and gals had to say about women and their hair color and styles.

Check out this fun Infographic and maybe try a new hairstyle for your next date to mix it up.

Some of the key findings are:

• Blondes have more long-term relationships.
• Brunettes have more first dates.
• Almost half of the women think that sleek and straight hair makes them feel more confident.
• Almost half of the single men found women with curly hair to be more irresistible
• 1/4 of single men find women with straight-sleek hair to be more wife-worthy
• 1/4 of single men find women with hair in braids to be more sporty

Does this mean you need to run to the hair salon and change your color and style? I say no. The number one attraction to a man will always be confidence, so ladies…smile be confident, be happy both on the Internet and offline and he’ll be enjoying his date with you.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating advice.

Click here for 20% off your membership to Match membership and let us help you create your irresistible online dating profile.

The new you starts here at the Beverly Center Location on July 17th from 6p-8p.

Summer’s the perfect time to freshen up your look. Join us at bebe for Girls’ Night Out and a makeover that will grab attention online. You’ll get a flirty new style and personalized tips to use on your next date.

But that’s not all: Professionals from Sexy Hair will be styling hair for FREE! Grab the on-site photographer for a few “after” headshots to use in your dating profile!

Event treats include:

• Drinks and appetizers
• bebe’s summer clothing collection to try on
• Advice from dating coach Julie Spira, founder of Cyber-Dating Expert (Yes, that’s me!)
• 20% off all regular-priced merchandise purchased at event*

On Facebook or Twitter? Snap a selfie afterwards and share it with hashtag #sexysummer. RSVP today for only $10.

I look forward to seeing you there!

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for expert online dating advice and to learn more about how to create an irresistible online dating profile.