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The Top 10 Rules of Netiquette for Online Daters

After reading the post from Anthony Michael Rojas called “How to Treat a Woman on a Date,”?the outpouring of comments from many who disagreed, which resulted in a follow up article appearing on written by The Frisky’s Amelia McDonnell-Parry,?“Chivalry tips cause all kinds of outrage,” I decided it was time to republish my “Top 10 Rules of Netiquette” for Online Daters and see what reaction I would receive.

Call me old-fashioned,?but if a man did all of the 8 things listed in his article, he’d be my hero and would be a suitable date for my daughter, if I had one.

From a woman’s standpoint here my online dating tips and excerpts from my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

1.??? The Google Rule – Don’t tell your date he or she has been “Googled” before a first date. Can you believe some actually brag about the fact that they did a background check on you before your first date? If you choose to “Google” a date, it’s best to keep it to yourself. No one wants to be accused of being a stalker early on.

2.??? The Cut-Off Rule – Authenticity Matters. However, we all know that some people want to fit into a search and age is one of the biggest misrepresentations in a profile. If you feel compelled to stretch it, please don’t subtract more than 5-10 pounds off your actual weight or 5-10 year of of your age on your online dating profile. I can’t force the universe to tell their correct age online, so If you do choose to subscribe to this cut-off rule, please come clean about your age either on the phone or on your first date, especially if you want to make it to a second date.

3.??? The Food and Beverage Rule – A man should not suggest sharing an appetizer on a first date, nor should he meet his date for coffee without the intention of ordering a beverage. I once went on a date where the man brought his own bottle of water to the coffee bar. He never made it to a second date.

4.??? The Valet Parking Rule – It’s just gentlemanly and chivalrous to offer to pay for the woman’s valet parking on a first date, especially if you like her and want to get to the second date. Is it worth standing on ceremony and not paying $5 for parking? It’s typically less than the cost of the next drink and you will get extra bonus points if you ask the valet parking attendant to bring her car first. Even if you aren’t interested in a second date, she will remember this kind gesture and may have a friend to introduce you to. Make a great first impression.

5.??? The Ex Rule – Never discuss an ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, or ex-spouse on a first date. If your date insists on talking about spousal support or how happy he is that his payments are about to end, change the subject, or run!

6.??? The Body Parts Rule – Don’t discuss cosmetic surgery, vasectomies, or anything that personal in nature regarding your body parts. Yes, this does come up on first dates, and it should not.

7.??? The To Go Bag Rule – Don’t EVER, take your food from a first date to go in a doggy bag. And even more important, don’t request your date’s food to go in your doggy bag as well.

8.??? The Send Button Rule – When in doubt, don’t push the send button in an angry or emotional email that you’ve written when you are upset at your date. Sleep on it or send it to yourself. You can’t take it back.

9.??? The Marriage Proposal Rule – Don’t give or accept a marriage proposal online or in a text message. If you think this hasn’t been done this before, give me a call!

10. The Break Up Rule – Never break up with a significant other in an email. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person.

I’m not insisting that men follow all of these ten rules. They are just suggestions that will make a difference to a woman that you are interested in dating again.

Excerpts from the book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online by Julie Spira. Visit her at

Book Signing at Lock and Key Events


Join me on Saturday, August 8, 2009 for a fun evening at Lock and Key Events, where I will be signing copies of my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

The event is for singles, ages 24-47 and you will meet up to 100 singles. It’s a terrific ice-breaker as the guys get the keys and the girls get the locks. I will be providing some online dating tips to those in attendance and one lucky winner will receive a free airline ticket from Southwest Airlines.

What: Lock and Key Mixer
Who: Singles 24-47
Where: The Highlands-Hollywood, 6801 Hollywood Boulevard, Suite 433
When: Saturday, August 8, 2009 Check in at 7:30 pm, event runs from 8:00-10:00pm
Why: Mingle with other singles
Click here to purchase tickets

If your birthday falls in the month of August, your ticket is *Free*

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Online Personals Watch


Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with my guest Eric Resnick, founder of ProfileHelper?and a contributor to Online Personals Watch.?Today’s show was like an encyclopedia for online daters filled with advice and recommendations.

We talked about the latest statistics for those looking for love online, including focusing on the top Internet dating sites, the niche sites, and video chat.

You’ll hear us talk about top sites including, Plenty of Fish, and Yahoo! Personals, as well as religious sites such as Christian Cafe and JDate, to the niche sites including Date My Pet and Geek to Geek.?

If you are interested in starting your very own online dating site, learn how easy it is to do from our conversation today.

Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt

Click here and let the flirting begin>>>

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Marilyn Anderson


Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with my guest, comedienne and author Marilyn Anderson.

Marilyn is the author of the funny dating book, Never Kiss a Frog: A Girl’s Guide to Creatures from the Dating Swamp.

On the show we learned about her new upcoming webisode series, I Married an Einstein,?and were treated to?a guest appearance from Benny and Bunny Einstein, who give internet dating advice to singles.

Marilyn provided us with some kissing tips from her book and described her funny frog types including:

  • The Croak and Dagger?
  • Count Frogula
  • Full of Bull Frog
  • Sir Frog-a-lot

Enjoy her humor in this segment. You will be guaranteed to have a laugh or two, while listening to her online dating advice.

Date Daily – Secretive Boyfriend and Cyber Stalking



What does an online dater do when her beau won’t introduce her to his family or friends?
What does a man do to get rid of a cyber stalker when his online relationship is over?

These and other questions are very common in matters of the heart while looking for love online.?Check out Date Daily, A new dating advice site, where I will be a featured dating expert and regular contributor helping singles seeking love on the net. Their site is filled with online dating tips and information to help you become successful as an online dater.

Click here to read?for answers to these questions and the full article

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show


Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Join Cyber-Dating Expert, Julie Spira for a humorous show on Saturday, July 25th as she welcomes relationship expert, author, and comedienne Marilyn Anderson to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.

Marilyn was the “Dating, Flirting, and Kissing” ?Coach on the television show, Extreme Makeover and is the author of the book, Never Kiss a Frog: A Girl’s Guide to Creatures from the Dating Swamp.

She has been featured on Expert Village with her video series of online dating tips, and she will share them with listeners on July 25th.

Call in at 2PM Eastern Time/11AM Pacific Time at 646-929-0012 or listen in at
Listen to Cyber-dating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Only Divas Please Radio Show

Listen to the Wealth, Success, and Women radio show, “Only Divas…Please” where I was a recent guest with host De Anne Harris.

We spoke about the benefits of a mastermind program, my background as a serial entrepreneur, and how I started my site Cyber-Dating Expert and successfully launched a best-selling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating in only seven months!

You will also hear some online dating tips for those thinking of trying Internet dating, and I will share some of my secrets in both business and in the dating world.

Is Breaking Up Really Hard to Do?

Breaking upBreaking up. It happens every day. When it happens in Hollywood, it’s national news. Privacy for celebrities isn’t the only concern for couples now a days. There was even a movie called The Break-Up with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughan a few years ago.

Modern technology has created a common trend of breaking up in a text message or an email. Even a voicemail break-up is becoming almost as obsolete as the old fashioned way, in person.

I was recently a guest on 700-WLW in Cincinnati with Eddie Fingers and Tracy Jones. We were talking about the recent break up of Jessica Simpson by Tony Romo the day before her 29th birthday. All I could say was, “OUCH!”

The pressure of holidays keeps many relationships together longer than they really should last. It’s the slow F-A-D-E. After all, who want’s to be home alone on New Year’s Eve or on Valentine’s Day?

So, why is it that every week I hear about a break-up in a text message? Why would someone dump their fiance in an email or in a voicemail? The easiest way according to the afternoon drive team at WLW is to do the fade away, and disappear and go POOF! This is called “ghosting” in the dating world, but is it right? How many people really have the courage to end a relationship amicably in person? Unfortunately, not enough according to what I am hearing in the singles scene.

So go ahead and say you would like to be friends, even if you don’t mean it to avoid getting slapped in the face. But please, don’t break up with your significant other in a text message or an email, especially right before a birthday, anniversary or Valentine’s Day. And if you do select the electronic way to deliver your message, don’t be upset when it appears all over the public Internet, on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and in an email blast. It’s the simple revenge a jilted girlfriend or boyfriend may end up doing if they are feeling bitter about the way you handled it.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Brad Pitt Giving Online Dating Tips?

The subject of authenticity in an online dating profile is a HOT Topic!?

Just this week, I appeared on FOX-News on this subject, where I told singles to be authentic in their online dating profiles. When I returned home from San Diego, I found out that Brad Pitt, who is on the August issue of?WIRED Magazine, gave his two-cents and suggested that singles who are online dating should lie?about how much money they make on their profile.?

In my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating, I list the top ten rules of netiquette for online daters. ?One of these rules is the ?”cut-off” rule. I created the rule when I saw a male profile of a 53 year old who was claiming to be 40. Thirteen years? Men complain about women lying about their age, but I was stunned to see it in the other direction as well.

I decided there should be a cut-off rule, only because we can’t force singles to be honest online. It’s my belief that you should post your accurate age. However, since many will not, I simply suggested that singles should not take off more than 5-10 years off their age or weight in an online dating profile, if they insist on following the trend.

While I don’t promote lying about your age, I can’t stop the fact that it is so common. I add in my book that you should come clean on the first date or on the phone about your real age. I personally believe in telling the truth, but stretching the truth about your age, weight, and financial status online is the norm for many online daters – hence the “cut-off rule” has merit.

According to the Wired Article, Pitt states, “Everyone lies online. In fact, readers expect you to lie. If you don’t, they’ll think you make less than you actually do. So the only way to tell the truth is to lie.” He has a point as singles reaching a pivotal birthday, usually take at least 2-5 years off their age to remain in a search.?

Is it time to come clean and be authentic in your online dating profile? ?I think so, and this week’s radio show will feature a service called?HonestyOnline. This service can help you to determine if your potential date is who he or she says they really are. They recently partnered up with where your verification badge will also confirm that they were the ones who indeed did take your online dating photo. I personally believe that the trend for authenticity is on the rise with the success of social networking sites. Very slowly, singles are starting to come clean about their real age, and it’s refreshing to see.

Wouldn’t you like to know that your online date has passed a verification test? There are certificates of authenticity for diamonds, real estate, art work, but what is more important than your personal safety online?

I answered the five questions correctly, even though I had to guess where an ex-husband resided. Shortly afterwards I received the verification badge below which can be visible on my Facebook Profile.

As a woman, I can see the value in knowing that a man is who he says he is. If you are interested in trying it out, go to www.HonestyOnline.Com or check out their Facebook application.

Julie Spira is the author of?The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at?

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