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Cyber Love Story – Courtney and Jeremy

Courtney and JeremyMeet Courtney and Jeremy our featured Cyber Love Story couple who found love on eHarmony.  They recently got married in a fairytale wedding, followed by a romantic honeymoon in the Caribbean. It was Courtney’s goal to find someone special to marry and I promised her, she’d find the love of her life. I couldn’t be happier with her romantic journey.

Here are Courtney’s words.

I met Jeremy three months into my 6-month subscription on eHarmony. He recently told me that we had been matched with each other months before we went out and that he was this close to deleting all his current matches when he saw my picture. We had only emailed a few times about dates to meet up for a drink so I didn’t know much about him. I actually couldn’t remember if his name was Jeremy or Jason so I did a panicked email search before he arrived. Thankfully I got his name just before he came through the door at the downtown bar/restaurant I picked.

We ended up talking for a good two hours and he walked with me while we looked for a taxi. It was a great first date- the best first date I had been on in a long time, probably ever. I was cautiously optimistic because he was hard to read. The next day while telling two close friends how funny and good looking he was, I went to check my email and there was a funny message from him! I was thrilled. I might have done a little happy dance.

We met for dinner and then drinks the next week and I went home to LA for a week-long visit the next day. He emailed me mid-week and we immediately made plans to see each other when I returned. From that point on we started dating regularly and finally months later, we started introducing each other to our friends.

It was slow and steady and looking back it was perfect. I’m very emotional and dramatic while Jeremy is more quiet and analytical. He brings out my more practical side and I am constantly laughing at his dry humor. I think we are a perfect match.

Last month we got married after a six-month engagement. The engagement was the only part of our relationship that went quickly! Now we are getting ready to spend our first holiday season together. For the last two years I’ve gone to LA and he’s gone to his parents’ home in New Jersey. Next week we will celebrate our first Thanksgiving together with his family (our puggle Wallis is coming with us to New Jersey) and then we’re spending Christmas week in New York with my parents, brother and sister in-law, and their new baby girl- our first niece!

Thank you Julie for your wisdom and advice. I would not be marrying this wonderful guy if I didn’t follow your Playbook!

Send us your story and we might feature YOU in our Cyber Love Story series.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

Submit Your Online Dating Stories


Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Find out how Irresistible Coaching can help you find your dream date.  Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Online Dating – Why Won’t Women Write Back?

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowIn this week’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a single man called in quite frantic and upset that he had been writing to women online and they never wrote back.

He’s wondering what’s wrong with him, why women aren’t interested in marriage anymore, and if there’s something wrong with his profile. He’s a member of three online dating sites, Match, PlentyofFish, and OkCupid.

On the spot, he signed up for The Flirt dating profile critique and I quickly analyzed his Match profile.

The interesting thing is, he was worried that his photos were bad. They really weren’t great, but the most surprising issue is, he’s a great catch and says he NEEDS to be married. When I questioned him as to why he wanted to get married and how long he had been divorced, he corrected me and said, he NEEDED to get married to survive. Without marriage, he couldn’t go on living. He had only been divorced for 6-months.

This great guy was in so much pain. I knew I needed to help him and build up his self-esteem and that one hour wouldn’t be enough. I also knew that I needed to manage his expectations and that there were plenty of women out there who would love to be married. He just hadn’t found them yet.

So why weren’t women writing back to him?

1. His profile photos were awful. He was  a good looking guy and the primary photo was so dark, you could hardly see his sweet face. He couldn’t afford a photographer and we had to work with what he had, at least for the time being.

What did we do?

I reviewed all of his photos and instantly lightened them up, cropped some of the photos so the focus was on him, and changed the order of the photos. I deleted the photo of him playing the guitar as he looked sad and his photo showed only half of his body and a dog in the center of the photo. The dog looked so sad, that all I could see and feel was a man probably playing a country music song to the tune of “Twang, twang, she broke my heart.”

That shot had to go, period. A woman wants to see a confident happy man that she can share her life with. The dog didn’t need center stage. In fact, a woman might think the dog sleeps in bed with her. All of the photos were captioned as they had been taken this year, so the women would know there was truth-in-advertising on his profile.

You see this guy is a pilot. Pilots, like firemen, are really sexy to women. When a photo showed more of the runway that him by the plane, it had to be cropped as well.

2. His bio was filled with too many questions that he required a woman to answer. I love it when someone asks a question in an Internet or mobile dating profile. It immediately triggers the action for someone to respond. However asking four direct questions made it look like he was in a deposition or job interview. It would be too much work for women to reply, so they just moved on to another email.

What did we do?

I deleted three of the direct questions which came close to begging a woman to be his girlfriend, took out the small talk and made sure there were specific descriptions of things he was passionate about.

3. His About Me Section Was Sloppy. On dating sites, it already lists your age, and on Match it states the age range you’re looking for.

His profile started with: I’m a male, 53, professional pilot, seeking a female for a relationship 43-59 within 50 miles. Are you the one that cares to go on that walk on the beach with me? My favorite season is summer and I would like to bring my dog Shiloh. Sound fun? Barbeque sandwich for me. Do you care for red cake?

What did we do?

I deleted his first sentence as it was redundant and mirrored the headline of his profile. It was obvious that he was a male. His age was already listed and by repeating that he was looking for a relationship 43-59 within 50 miles, it not only had been stated, but it looked like he was a guy with strict requirements. It couldn’t have been further than the truth.

Instead his new profile starts off with, “I’m a professional pilot.” It was intriguing enough to allow a woman to desire to continue reading the rest of the profile.

4. He only wrote to 5 women a day. When he told me that no one wrote back, it wasn’t entirely true. He actually received one reply to five emails that he’d sent out. That’s actually not a bad statistic. When I explained to him that typically only one out of ten emails are responded to, and he was ahead of the game, he was shocked.

What did we do?

I gave him the homework assignment of writing to ten women a day instead of five. This way he would get double the response than he did beforehand.  I explained that online dating is a numbers game. He needed to treat it like he was looking for a dream job, only he was looking for a wife.

This wonderful sweet kind successful 53-year old pilot is a great catch. He wants to get married, is taller than average at 6’5,” and will be the most loyal and wonderful husband to a lucky woman who has the same desires as he does. So ladies, don’t think there aren’t marriage-minded men out there.

I have hope for this man, but reminded him that patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Do you have a question for dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Hello October!

Hello October -Cyber Dating ExpertHello October!

I’m so happy you’re here.

It seems like this summer sped by like lightning in a thunderstorm.

It’s time to welcome one of my favorite months of the year, October. According to a Gallup Poll reported by the Today Show, May and October rank as the top two months of the year.

I love October, as the weather is still warm in Los Angeles and the leaves are turning colors in other cities around the country. It’s time for adventure, weekend getaways and thinking about love. After all, who wouldn’t want to fall in love this fall?

October is a time where we start to think about the holidays, change our wardrobes, and start to fill our calendars with regular activities that took a break in the summer. It’s also one of the flirtiest months of the year as we celebrate Halloween. We have some fun costume ideas to bring out your inner flirt.


Also in October, we start to think about Thanksgiving and what we’re grateful for all the good we have happening in our lives.

Here are Cyber-Dating Expert headquarters, we love to share our success stories and we have two couples we’ve worked with who are getting married in October in fairy-tale weddings and another couple who are moving in together. Does online dating work? You bet! It’s been fun going to bridal showers in September for these October brides!

So as we reflect on the summer romances we might have had and think about what is in store for us this fall, I encourage you to fill your date cards, think about the possibilities of attracting a great love in your life, and if you’re dating someone special, take a plunge and put all ten toes in. Have a profile deleting party just for the two of you and toast to your new relationship status.

If you’ve taken a break from online dating, it’s time to reactivate your profile. Try a new mobile dating app to speed up your search and let us help you with your quest.

On our end, October is always a big month for us. It’s our Anniversary month of the launch of and we’ll be celebrating our 7th anniversary with some special offers and the announcement of the audio book version of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. After spending two full days in a Hollywood studio recording the audio book, we’re now in post-production. All I can say is, wait until you read the never-been-released Epilogue! It will also include an audio bonus with the newest dating advice to help you while looking for love online and on your mobile phones.

Regardless of your relationship status, embrace the month of October. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

As always, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert team.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Do you need some hand-holding? Learn more about how our Irresistible Profiles can help you find your dream date and how Swiping Right can speed up your search on mobile apps such as Tinder and Hinge.

OkCupid – How to Search for a User

OkCupid User NameOur friends at OkCupid had a bit of a digital facelift recently.  Among the changes to help you find love online more quickly, you might notice that you no longer can search for someone by their username anymore.

A recent study showed that LOVE is the number one most popular search term for single searching on OkCupid. But what if you suddenly can’t find his or her profile anymore?

While they’ve refined the site to help you browse for matches more easily,  taking a peek at that cute hunk or hottie that you have a digital crush on might be a little bit more difficult.

If you’re wondering how to find his or her Internet dating profile, the good news is you can still browse and search for a user, but getting there is a bit more complicated.

Here’s how to find a profile on OkCupid based on the username:

1. Log onto OkCupid on your desktop.

2.  Click on your profile thumbnail on the top right hand side of the screen.


3. A drop down box will appear, where you can select “Find a User.”


4.  Type in the user’s name in the box where it says search by username.

Ok Cupid Username

5.  If their profile is active, it will appear and you can now click on their profile.

To make it simpler, type in this URL below in your browser while logged on to OkCupid.  It will take you directly to the “Find a User” page. Remember, unless you’re an “A List” where you can browse anonymously, or are using the new Incognito premium feature, which hides your profile from being viewed by users who you haven’t liked or messaged, users will see that you recently visited their online dating profile.

Are you using OkCupid? What do you think of the recent changes to their site?

To find out more about how to create an Irresistible Profile to find your dream date, visit

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more online and mobile dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.






Match Says Goodbye to Screen Names. How to Change Your User Name

Match user namesIn a time where online dating continues to grow in popularity, the need for authenticity and honesty is something that daters continue to dream of.

To help you with your search, will be saying goodbye to your old screen name and you can now officially use your first name on your profile. As we can see from mobile dating apps such as Tinder and other sites, singels actually like to see your real name on a profile.

In thinking back to my first user names, I wanted to have a bit of anonymity and used “Pianobaby” as I played a baby grand piano and “HarleyQT” as I loved riding on the back of bikes. I felt they were a good representation of my personality with the hopes of finding someone else who was passionate about music and motorcycles.

Starting today, you can change your screen name to your first name. According to the Match blog, If you’re first name is Sarah, Michelle or Lisa, chances are you’ll get more emails from men. For the guys, if your first name is Mike, Steve, or Dan, you’ll have a greater chance of receiving an email from the ladies.

How to Change Your User Name on Match

If you’re ready to retire your screen name now, log on to your Match account and go to Account Settings to change your Match username to your actual name. You can also also change it using the Match app on your iPhone.

To celebrate this right of passage, Match would like to hear your horrible usernames– because let’s face it, everyone has had one. Tweet @Match using #RIPMatchUsername and they’ll pick their favorites to win a free 6-month membership.

Are you ready to change your screen name?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: Fotolia

The Best Online Dating Tips – The Night Side

News Talk 1010It was an honor and joy to be a guest on the Night Side on News Talk 1010 in Toronto with guest host Tony Chapman.

In this fun-filled hour on the radio, we talked about the early days on Internet dating, how I became an online dating expert, tips on what makes a great online dating profile photo, why singles swipe right and left on Tinder and other mobile dating apps, niche dating sites such as ChristianMingle and JDate and ‘catfishing’ and more.

When asked why online dating works so well, with one out of three relationships starting online, I explained that Internet dating is efficient. It’s available 24-hours a day. You can be sitting at work one moment, get a push notification on your mobile phone and be on a coffee date within minutes.

Tony wondered why people sign up for dating sites when they can date on Facebook for free, and I chimed in that Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site, if they wanted to be.

Listen to this replay of our live broadcast for everything you need to know to be successful with online dating.

For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She  was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For help with your online dating profile check out and SwipingRight to help find your dream date.

7 Tips for National Romance Month

National Romance MonthDid you know that the entire month of August is “National Romance Awareness Month?”

National Romance Awareness Month gives you the opportunity and excuse to jump out of your rut and your comfort zone and think about how you can add more romance to your life, regardless of your relationship status.

Although romance is a 24-hour a day 7-day a week topic, in hot steamy month of August,  romance does gets an extra boost.

To celebrate this month, try doing some extra romantic things for your date so they’ll be thinking about you all day long.

Here are seven tips to ramp up the romance in your life, with or while your looking for a romantic partner.

Cyber Love
As one who spends a lot of time helping singles with their online dating profiles, I can’t help but stress that it’s one of the simplest ways to think about romance and relationships. When you log in daily to your online dating site, take extra time to compliment someone on his or her outfit. Let them know you think they have an incredible smile. You’ll be surprised how quickly the boomerang effect will take place. You’ll feel like romance is just a click away.

Digital Foreplay

I’m a huge fan of sending romantic text messages leading up to your date. Sending a fun and flirty morning text message letting your date or significant other know that you’re excited about your date with a few xoxo’s will definitely add some romance to your love life.

Read: 20 Flirty Text Messages to Capture His Heart

Leave a Love Note

There’s something old fashioned and sexy about seeing a surprise love note on your pillow or in your bathroom drawer from the object of your affection. The best part, it’s a keepsake and can be looked at during the days and nights in between your next date.

Smile and be Confident

Believe it or not, you actually feel happier and more confident even when you’re smiling while on the telephone. Nobody can imagine romance with a “Debbie” or “Donnie Downer,” so smile at the grocery store, while standing in line at the bank or waiting for your turn at the ATM, or in an exercise class. You’ll come across as happier and don’t be surprised if a few heads turn.

First Date Rules – Be Proactive for Romance

Being passive on a date doesn’t help you in the romance department. Sure you don’t want to be too aggressive, but a survey from dating site Zoosk showed the squeaky wheel gets the romance deal with 34% of singles finding it most romantic when their date plans a surprise activity for their first date, with 27% liking to hold hands on the first date and 25% actually enjoying it when their date leans in for that first memorable kiss.

Schedule Date Nights

If you already have a steady loved one, you know how often relationships can end up in a rut after the first three months. When the honeymoon period starts to wane, if you’re not dating your mate and creating romantic memories, it’s easy for the relationship to fizzle out. Pick the same day each week and take turns selecting your date spot. You don’t have to break the bank, especially during Romance Awareness Month, as there are plenty of free concerts, where you can bring a picnic basket to or take the beach walk that so many swear they can’t wait to do.

Read: 5 Ways to Create a Great Date Night

Take that Beach Walk

Cliche as it may seem, many singles write that they enjoy taking beach walks on a date. Stop dreaming about it and schedule it with your date. Being barefoot on the beach with your toes in the sand is still the ultimate romantic date.

What romantic rituals help you in your relationship?

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

Swipe Regret on Tinder? There’s Help for Men

TinderSwipe right, Swipe left. She’s hot, she’s not.

With 10 million matches a day, there are many men that suffer from over-swiping to the point that they think they’ve just swiped left in error on the fresh face that could be their dream girl.

If you’re not a member of Tinder Plus, where you can go back and swipe right to the last profile, we’ve got help for you.

We have a fun service at Cyber-Dating Expert called Swiping Right. With Swiping Right, we manage your expectations, help you have a rocking Tinder profile, and show you tips on how to swipe right without getting into a swiping frenzy and ending up with “Swipe Regret.”

You see we know how addictive Tinder can be. We know that when you post photos of a gorilla as your primary shot, you’re trying to be a funny guy. We know that women can’t imagine being in bed with the hairy gorilla, so you won’t be getting many matches. We know you like to show off that muscle when you’re working out at the gym, but women think you’re showing off and will swipe left.

So when you see the digital girl of your dreams, pause. Look at all of her photos. Read her bio. Take the time to see which friends you have in common and swipe right. There’s no guarantee she’ll swipe right as well, but if she does, make sure your introduction message says anything but, “hey.” After all, women know that horses hang out in hay. Avoid “you’re hot,” even if she’s the hottest and prettiest girl on your mobile phone. It sends the message that you’re looking for a booty call and she’ll probably swipe left.

What should you do if you swipe left in error? Learn to take your time and contact us so we can help you with Swiping Right to find your dream girl on Tinder.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and helps singles find love online through her Irresistible Profiles Programs and teaches men and women how to swipe right for love on Tinder.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Be on Oxygen TV to Meet Your Online Love

Oxygen - Meet Your Love Online As an online dating expert and coach, I know that finding love online often results in starting a long-distance relationship and becoming attached, even falling in love before you’ve had the chance to meet in person. If this is your current relationship status, you may have the chance to be on a television show!

Have you been in an online relationship for a while, but never met in person? Have you been in a whirlwind LDR relationship for the past few years? Are there things in your past that you haven’t admitted? Have you decided that now is the time to meet no matter what?
The Oxygen Network is now casting a groundbreaking new show that takes long distance relationships to the next level.

The show will follow couples currently in long distance relationships who have NEVER MET in person. They will document the first time they meet, and all of the events that follow. Each couple will meet their significant others’ family and friends, and get a peak into their everyday life. The show will explore some of the issues their relationship maybe going through and help them tackles these problems.

With video chatting, extensive phone calls and texting, long distance relationships may sometimes go longer than they should. Enough is enough – it’s time to meet your significant other and bring your relationship to the next level.

The network will cover all expenses necessary to bring couples together and a stipend for your time. They look forward to sharing touching stories of people who are in love but, for whatever reason, you haven’t yet been able to connect with that special person face-to-face. This is not “Catfish” – they are looking for genuine couples, with legitimate obstacles.

They’re looking for the type of couple that falls asleep together while on Skype or FaceTime. If this is you, they would love to enable you to overcome the physical boundaries and help you to finally connect with the one that you love.

Please go to and apply now!

For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira

Dating Exclusively With an Active Profile Online?

Ask the Cyber-Dating ExpertIn this week’s “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert,” a reader who’s in a 6-month relationship is frustrated that her steady boyfriend still wants to keep an active online dating profile up. Should she tell him to take it down? Is she really in an exclusive relationship? Does this relationship have a chance?

Here’s her question.

Dear Julie,

I’ve been seeing this person for around 6-months now. When we first started interacting I was informed he was on a dating website.

In my mind, it sounds like a hook-up or one-night stand type of site. I was fine with that because we had just met and I admired his honesty. Well now, we’ve been discussing being together long-term and moving the relationship forward from just seeing each other to more of a commitment, which is good.

The only issue is he still feels the need to stay online! His excuse is, “I’m an attention seeker and maybe I have a problem. And if ‘you’ want me to stop I will.”

Julie, I haven’t been in a serious relationship in over three years and that’s by my choice. I haven’t stumbled upon anyone I could genuinely be happy with. This one though is different. I was thinking I truly made him happy and he did the same for me. Apparently, I don’t think that’s the case. And what I’m not going to do is tell him I want him to be off the site and then months or weeks later find that he’s hiding his profile. I believe happiness should flow. Am I overreacting? What should I do?

6-Months and waiting.

Dear 6-months,

I’m sorry you’re going through this kind of pain and I can assure you, that you’re not alone with your concerns.

I can guarantee you that if you feel this way after six months of being in a “committed” relationship, that you will feel even worse after the next six months on your one-year anniversary together. Can you imagine yourself loving your guy, talking about the future, moving in together, and then while he’s sleeping checking to see if he has a hidden dating profile on the site? Do you really want to enlist the help of your friends to spy on him? Do you really want to be with an insecure man who has the need to be loved by other women when he’s falling asleep in your arms every night? This, my friend is heavy drama and isn’t love.

READ: To Take Down, or Not Take Down Your Profile

When a man truly loves a woman and wants to call her his own, he plans a future, will let her know he’s exclusive, will take his online dating profile down,  and permanently retire his Tinder app in a digital second.  He won’t let another man will steal his girl away from him.

READ: How to Delete Your Tinder Account

I have a problem with ultimatums in relationships, but I do believe that honesty and communication are everything. Kudos to your guy in being honest and admitting he has a profile up.  Chances are his need for attention goes deeper than his love for you and probably goes back years-and-years before he ever met you. If you love him, ask him to go to counseling for this and offer to go with him as a couple. This way you both are investing in your future.

I’m not one to toss a 6-month relationship away, but no person should be made to feel like they are an option when they are talking about the future with someone they love. Let him know he makes you happy and that having an active dating profile up makes you uncomfortable. Ask him how he’d feel if you had a profile up as well and LISTEN more than talk.

READ: Help! My Boyfriend Won’t Take Down His Tinder Profile Down

If he agrees to take the profile down and work out these issues together, you could have a chance of happiness. If you believe he’s fooling around on the side and actually have proof, send him packing, put your own profile up and block him so you can move on.

You’ll know pretty quickly if you’re the one, or just the one for now.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Do you have a dating dilemma? Send your questions to “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert” here.

READ: Does it Matter if We’re Facebook Official?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating, having  created her first profile over 20 years ago. Today, Julie and her team create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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