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Why WhatsApp is Making Singles Anxious

Mashable Logo

Recently we wrote about non-traditional dating apps that were used to find a date.

When Rachel Thompson from Mashable asked me to weigh in on the anxiety singles were having staring at their SO’s ‘last seen’ timestamp on WhatsApp, the popular messaging app purchased by Facebook for $19 million, I wasn’t surprised.

In her article, The One WhatsApp Feature Can Make or Break Relationships, Thompson took a deep dive into the activity and hearts of singles wondering if their boo was cheating on them, or to check on someone who might have ghosted them. Ouch, it’s a digital pain that stabs at our hearts.

Some singles were staying up until after 3am to see if the person they’ve been dating was awake texting someone. What they knew for sure, is they weren’t the recipient of sweet nothings late at night, or possibly at all that night.

Thompson even spoke to an attorney who was president of the Italian Association of Matrimonial Lawyers who said, “WhatsApp messages sent by cheating spouses play an integral role in 40% of Italian divorce cases citing adultery.”

I told Mashable, “the incessant checking of the ‘last seen’ timestamp should sound alarm bells in your relationship, regardless of what you find.”

“If you don’t have trust in your relationship both online and offline, then then it’s not a healthy relationship and you should think about calling it quits instead of staring at his or her ‘last seen’ timestamp.”

Related: Online Dating Anxiety Disorder: Is it Worse During the Holidays?

via Giphy

via Giphy

Where staring at the timestamp becomes a problem, is when someone stalks an ex, is unsure of their relationship status, and these days, more frequently if they’ve suddenly been ghosted and don’t know why.

This feature, where you can check up on someone to know there digital whereabouts, helps people stay connected, but It can become very obsessive and isn’t limited to just WhatsApp. Some are checking the last online status on online dating sites such as OkCupid or to see if they have a green button on Facebook chat.

Related: Rules of Netiquette: To Snoop, or Not to Snoop

This need to cyber stalk gets worse when the person you’ve been checking up on decides change their privacy status to hide their last seen feature, or even takes it a step further and blocks you. Ouch, again.

Still, the need to peek can become addictive and it can negatively affect a relationship when one jumps to a digital conclusion about the relationship status solely bases on online activity. It appears WhatsApp is now responsible for many breakups.

Are you gazing a little too often at the timestamp feature on WhatsApp?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet and mobile dating apps. Julie has been coaching singles for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

For more dating advice, sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

 

Quote of the Day

“Today is not another day, it’s a new day.”

– John O’Callaghan, The Maine

June 6 Music Monday

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Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for online dating and relationship advice.

Quote of the Day

“How beautiful to find a heart that loves you, without asking you for anything but to be okay.”

– Khalil Gibran

June 5

Follow Dating Expert @JulieSpira on TwitterInstagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for online dating and relationship advice.

Quote of the Day

“Falling in love with yourself first doesn’t make you vain or selfish, it makes you indestructible.”

– Unknown

June 4

Follow Dating Expert @JulieSpira on TwitterInstagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for online dating and relationship advice.

Quote of the Day

“Let the beauty of love be what you do.”

– Rumi

June 3

Follow Dating Expert @JulieSpira on TwitterInstagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for online dating and relationship advice.

Quote of the Day

“Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with someone – and finding that that’s okay with them.”

– Alain de Botton

June 1

Follow Dating Expert @JulieSpira on TwitterInstagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for online dating and relationship advice.

Quote of the Day

“There’s nothing nobler than risking your life for your country.”

– Nick Lampson

May 30

Follow Dating Expert @JulieSpira on TwitterInstagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for online dating and relationship advice.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day:

“The very essence of romance is uncertainty.” ~Oscar Wilde

Qauote of the Day

The beginning of romance is exciting. Going on a first date can be nerve-wracking, as you aren’t sure if you’ll get to a second date or have any romantic chemistry.

Oscar Wilde knew this years before digital dating, texting, and mobile phones, yet the feelings still hold true.

Be open to the possibilities while dating and let the anticipation be something to embrace.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

xo Julie Spira, Online Dating Expert

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Looking to get Hitched? These 1st Messages Lead to Marriage

Do you have dreams of being a June bride or groom?

Have you ever wondered what the secret is to turning digital love into eternal love?

It appears the answer lies in the first message you send to your online crush.

In a recent study, our friends at PlentyOfFish surveyed over 1,000 of their former users in the United States who are now married to their partners whom they met online. They shared with us what made them think they’d found “the one.”

You Had Me At “Hello”

In their survey results, POF found two common first messages respondents received. The most popular first message (17%) highlighted something in a user’s profile that caught their crush’s eye.

The second?

“Hey, what’s up?”

This may be a sign we should rethink looking past this simple message, as it could turn into something long term.

first message

Respondents also said they kept things relatively simple for their first date. The most popular first date among the married couples surveyed was dinner, followed by coffee or drinks, and finished up with an evening stroll.

How Long Until You Know They’re “The One?”

When it came to the first date, men fell hard for their dates faster than women.

More men also reported falling in love at first sight  (17%) than women (11%).

Overall, 40% of respondents said they knew they found “The One” after only a few weeks. Sometimes you just know.

The one

Most Online Daters Are True Romantics

An impressive majority of POF users stated they believed in soulmates, with over 76% of married respondents agreeing (72% of men and 78% of women).

soulmates

Final Advice From the Happy Couples

POF asked the respondents their best piece of advice they wish someone had told them during their online dating days.

Most of the couples said they wished they had said “yes” to more dates, sent and replied to more messages, and allowed themselves to have more fun (22%).

The most popular piece of advice (44%) the would have given themselves is to ditch the idea of having a “type” online. You never know, by expanding your type and opening up your preferences in a significant other, you could end up meeting someone you never would have met otherwise!

advice for dating online

Are you looking for love online?

Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and has been coaching singles for over two decades.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

5 Social Media Apps to Help You Find Love

Looking for love online can be challenging and tedious.

Sometimes you’ll find yourself getting burnt out with online dating or tired of swiping right or left on your mobile phone.

When you’ve tried every mobile dating app and website out there and feel you’ve exhausted all of your options when nothing works out, it’s time to switch things up a little and move on to something a bit more unconventional.

The next best place to find a great date online is through your social media accounts, where you’re hanging your digital hat more often.

That’s right, by dating and flirting using Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, you can connect with friends, long lost friends (and loves), and even friends of friends.

Related: Love Reunited: Our Second Chance at Love

Aside from the most popular social media sites, there are a few you might be missing. Here’s a list of five non-traditional dating apps to help you find a new digital crush.

Yelp1. Yelp

Yelp is an extremely social website and easily allows you to connect with singles in your area. All you have to do is search for your favorite bar or restaurant and scroll through the reviews until you find a particular reviewer that piques your interest. Yelp allows you to look at reviewers’ profile pages, which is good for finding out a little more about your potential crush. If you find someone who looks interesting to you, send them a message through Yelp and you could just end up on a date at that bar you both reviewed!

Available on Desktop, iOS, Android

GolfMatch2. GolfMatch

This new app is designed to help golf lovers connect to each other and go golfing together. GolfMatch helps you find like-minded golfers at local courses to share your experiences with. You can even set up a golf game within the app! You can find golfers you’re compatible with based on age, skill level, location and home courses. Your profile will display all of your posts and your golfing background, and you can even post pictures and videos of your golf experiences – think of it like Instagram for golfers!

Available on iOS

Snapchat3. Snapchat

Snapchat is a fun messaging app for sharing moments with your friends. You can take photos or videos, add a captions, and send it to a friend or add it to your Story to share with all of your friends. Snaps sent directly to friends can last up to 10 seconds, while posts on your Story last up to 24 hours. Snapchat may not seem like a conventional way to find love, considering most of the people you may have on Snapchat are your friends, but just think about if a friend of yours has ever posted or sent you a Snap and you noticed someone cute in the background…what would have happened if you’d Snapped them back and asked for that person’s name? Maybe they would’ve added you on Snapchat if they were single and thought you were cute too. You never know until you try!

Available on iOS and Android

Related: 5 Dating Apps That Aren’t Tinder

Yik-Yak4. Yik Yak

Popular on college campuses, Yik Yak is a free social networking app that lets users post brief comments to a message board accessible by any user within a 5 mile radius. The app is completely anonymous and you don’t have to create an account to use it. Yik Yak is perfect for missed connections! Maybe you walked past someone cute on campus, you smiled at each other and kept walking, but you noticed they were wearing a shirt supporting your favorite sports team and wanted to connect. Post a “Yak” and say “To the girl wearing a Dodgers shirt I walked past in the quad earlier, I thought you were really cute. Wanna meet in the same place tomorrow to grab coffee?” You might think this wouldn’t work, but Yik Yak does have some success with unintentionally helping potential couples meet up through the help of the Yik Yak community.

Available on iOS and Android

Venmo5. Venmo

Andy Verderosa from Thrillist says that “In addition to being one of the most game-changing apps of the last half-decade, Venmo boasts arguably the best social feed on any network.” Venmo allows you to send and receive money with friends quickly and without charging you a fee, making it easy to split dinner, send a birthday gift, pay your roommate for bills, or pay friends back for buying you drinks.

The platform operates like a social media feed and shows you your friends interactions with each other, as well as with their friends that you don’t know. Switch over to your friend feed and look at interactions between friends of friends. When you find someone that suits your fancy, check to make sure they’re in your area, then send them a private transaction. The only way to message someone is by sending them money, so you’ll have to send them a small amount (maybe enough for them to buy coffee), then say they caught your eye and you were wondering if they’d be interested in meeting. There’s always the possibility they could deny you, but at least you tried! And you can always get it refunded they turn you down, just make sure you set the transaction to private so that all of your friends don’t see your attempts in case it doesn’t go well.

Available on iOS and Android

At the end of the digital day, any social media platform can be a dating platform if you like. Just remember to be respectful toward others and make sure you don’t come across as weird or creepy. Also, keep in mind, you might not know someone’s relationship status from these sites and they might not have an interest in being approached anyway.

Don’t get your feelings hurt if they don’t respond or if they turn you down – just keep trying again.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and has been coaching singles for over two decades.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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