Do you remember when the “off-limits” subjects on a date were politics and religion?

The world is all eyes on the 2018 Midterm Elections, and not voting just isn’t sexy this time around.

Political conversations have permeated the Internet, social media, and most certainly have been tagging along on dates since Donald Trump ran for and won the Electoral College.

In the dating world, it continues to heat up, with dating app Bumble expanding users profiles to include stating your political party by selecting if you’re apolitical, moderate, liberal, or conservative, and separately, you can now indicate if you’re a voter, or if you’re not voting this time around.

On OkCupid, they continue to expand their political questions. The dating site and app found leading into the midterms, that over half (58%) of Millennial women “believe a partner who exercises their right to vote is more attractive than exercising.”

While researching and writing my book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, I found that the majority of singles, especially women, agreed that dating someone who didn’t vote was a turn-off, and clearly a dating deal-breaker. Several women actually came forward to say they turned down a date when they found out their date didn’t vote for President.

On Facebook on the eve of the Midterm Elections, I decided to get a temperature reading and posted questions of:

 

“Is Dating someone who doesn’t vote a turnoff?”

“Would you date someone who doesn’t vote?”

The responses and comments were heated, with the majority, 87%, saying they won’t date someone who didn’t vote, as compared to 13% who said they would. Some actually engaged in same-sex flame wars with those with different political views.

One friend tagged me on Facebook with someone else’s comment of, “Don’t bang people who don’t vote.”

Yes, politics is entering the bedroom.

Here’s a curated list of some of the responses and sentiments people are posting about voting in the age of Trump.

Feel free to comment, and please, show up to the polls and vote.

“As long as they didn’t vote for Trump.”

“I’d vote to DUMP them. If you don’t vote, you don’t really care about the direction of our country. I couldn’t fall for someone who really didn’t care about that.”

“[Voting] says a lot about a person and if they don’t care/participate in our democracy. Life’s too short to waste an hour. Ask ahead.”

“It’s important to be a participant in society! No excuse not to vote! Shows laziness, self-centered character traits; maybe someone who is greedy.”

“It says a lot about a person if they don’t care/participate in our democracy. Life’s too short to waste an hour. Ask ahead.”

RELATED: Love VS. Trump: Is Politics Polarizing Relationships?

“If you don’t participate, you forfeit the right to criticize.”

“Apathy is not sexy.”

“Complete turn-off and I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t vote.”

“I’d give them a pass if they were a convicted felon and could not vote. But then again, dating a convicted felon might not be such a good idea either.”

“No…that means they don’t care about their country.”

“I’d get SERIOUS with someone intelligent, responsible, and driven enough to be an informed voter.”

“I did and it was not good. Our basic values were so clearly illustrated by our differences in political beliefs to begin with.”

“No way! If they’re that disconnected about elections, I’d also be concerned about what else is being glossed over.”

“Election Day has always been my Super Bowl! Tough to nerd out with someone who’s not engaged with the process.”

“YES— I would not date someone who doesn’t vote and it’s okay to agree to disagree, but it has to be based on logical facts, not emotional fiction.”

RELATED: Can People With Different Political Views Make a Relationship Work?

“Absolutely a no go! Voting is a moral responsibility.”

“I wouldn’t let someone’s voting habits or political beliefs get in the way of love.”

“If you don’t care enough to vote this point, you should leave the country.”

“If you don’t vote, I will not date you. I don’t care who you vote for, but please vote.”

“If he doesn’t vote, he’d better have a big bank account and a bad cough.”

“It would irk me, but not make me reject him. Now I would reject someone who votes Republican.”

“Turn off for sure.”

RELATED: Millennials Working for the Trump Administration Are Undateable

“Politics is not a factor in a personal relationship.”

“Might depend more on how they vote, not just if they vote.”

“Someone who votes for Trump or Republicans in these midterms is a turn-off.”

“Here’s my position on non-voters. Shut the F up about government! When you vote, you may participate in the conversation. Take being a citizen seriously by voting.”

“No vote stub. No tongue.”

“If someone doesn’t vote or doesn’t find voting important, it is literally one of the biggest turn-offs.”

“Would you rather have a great voting life or a great sex life? Hint, only one of these will most likely lead to a divorce.”

“To each his own, although I would try to convince him that it matters. Not a deal-breaker to me.”

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating, and as the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Photo credit: Fotolia

A new politics study from Pew Research Center confirms the pain that many of you have been feeling both online and offline; friendships and romance are feeling stressed when the subject of Donald Trump comes up, and inevitably it will.

The Pew poll of over 2,500 adults conducted from June 27 – July 9, 2017, and released on July 20, 2018, shows that a majority (52%) of American’s are paying attention to politics since Donald Trump was elected president, with almost 60% of women driving the political conversations.

Almost half of the Democrats in the study admit that supporting Donald Trump is putting a strain on relationships, and members of both parties believe that someone supporting the other party didn’t share the same values and goals as they did. Most of us know someone who has lost a friend or romantic partner due to differing politics, right?

I believe this strong divisiveness is a reality that isn’t going to go away soon.

While researching my upcoming book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, I have seen similar findings, with women being less willing to date across party lines than men. I’ve also witnessed the testing of friendships, and people who quickly unfriended and blocked people they used to be close with on social media.

As someone who’s in the business of forging love relationships, I believe in taking an inclusive approach, and for people to be open-minded about listening to another point of view, but I’m even more aware that the struggle is real, and the stress that Pew has confirmed is as intense as the reality show that our country is living in.

RELATED: Love and Loss in the Age of Trump

I’ve gone on record as saying politics ranks higher on the dating totem pole than dating a smoker who could quit.  In addition, we’ve added the subject “politics” to all of our dating coaching consultations, and have found the majority of liberals said they wouldn’t date a Trump supporter, with the majority of conservatives said they’d prefer not to talk about politics.

If you’re single and living in D.C., there will be slim pickings when it comes to dating. Politico reports that if you work for the Trump administration, it’s hard to find a date,  but this isn’t happening just in D.C. I see it everywhere.

These days, on Facebook, even a political cartoon can result in a visceral reaction from your friends.

When I posted the meme of Bob and Sally on Facebook, I was trying to get a temperature reading from my friends. The meme went viral, and the comments poured in, with the majority saying “No, we can’t be friends with a Trump supporter.” Many took it a step further and said, “We can’t even be friends with someone who is friends with a Trump supporter.”

I have strong views and opinions where it comes to our current administration but have an even stronger desire to make sure love prevails past Trump’s current or potential future term.

RELATED: SURVEY: Singles Would Rather Have Bad Sex Than Date a Trump Supporter

If Politics is Important to You, Wear it Proudly

Yes, Donald Trump has polarized our country, our families, and our friends. Wearing a political baseball cap including “#NOTMYPRESIDENT” or on the opposite side, a “MAGA” hat, are now both front and center on dating profiles.

OkCupid profiles are proudly filled with the #RighttoLove badge, and singles now instruct potential partners to “swipe left if you voted right.”

This presidency has brought the conversation about values and attitudes to the table, and I believe that’s a good thing. Finding someone like-minded about the issues that are the most important to you will help you find a partner to join you on this turbulent journey in Trump’s America.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and is the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the upcoming book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships and has been coaching singles for almost 25 years on finding love online.

Contact Julie

FOLLOW @JulieSpira

One of our favorite online dating sites, OkCupid has partnered with the ACLU for a #RighttoLove Badge to show their support of ACLU, inclusion in honor of Pride month.

As reported on the OkCupid blog, 90% 0f OkCupid users who answered the YES to the question,”Do you support the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)?” will receive the badge.

Also, OkCupid will be donating $1 for each user who adds the badge to their profile, up to $50,000.

Ariel Charytan, CEO of OkCupid says on their blog, “Nothing is more attractive than people who believe in every individual’s #RightToLove who they want to love.”

The site reports a 64% Increase in Political Terms on Dater’s Profiles in 2018, and we see similar sentiments and trends at Cyber-Dating Expert, with singles swiping left on Trump supporters, or making politics a deal-breaker for dating.

RELATED: Love VS. Trump: Is Politics Polarizing Relationships?

The conversation about politics on OkCupid is working, as they report profiles that included politics are, “52% more likely to have mutual likes and 78% more likely to have a successful conversation than members who do not.”

Charytan adds, “At OkCupid, we’re proud to be a champion of inclusivity because we believe you should be able to love whomever you want, regardless of your gender, sexual orientation, or ethnicity.”

Interesting stats on daters who support the ACLU include:

• They’re 4 times more likely to consider themselves feminist (and are looking to dating a feminist)
• They’re 2 times as likely to have responded “hell no” to the question,”Trump?”
• They’re 30 times more likely to believe in climate change.

Melissa Hobley, chief marketing officer at OkCupid, tells Refinery29, “LGBTQ communities using political filters on OkCupid comes from the feeling that their rights are under attack by the current presidential administration.” Hobley adds, “Many folks don’t want to have the experience of talking to someone, going on a date, only to find that they voted for Trump — because the stakes are very high.”

Every OkCupid user who answered the question of “do you support the ACLU” will receive the badge on their profile.

RELATED: Do Politics and Love Help or Hurt Your Relationship?

OkCupid was the first dating app to offer 22 gender and 12 orientation options on their users profiles.

If you’re’ a member of OkCupid, click here to answer the question and to receive the badge.

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we believe in inclusion and love for all. We constantly track the trends of politics and dating. We know the importance of finding a date with similar attitudes and values, and are proud of the dating industry as they address these issues.

Julie Spira is and award-winning dating coach and America’s Top Online Dating Expert . She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs. As a political dating expert, Julie’s now writing her third book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships.

I’m a believer in truth-in-advertising, and as I said in my essay, Can Love Survive Trump, the challenges of dating in Trump’s America have been painful, and have resulted in reducing the dating pool by 50% for those with strong opinions on either side of the political spectrum.

This new survey of 2,000 singles in the U.S. conducted by online dating site Plenty of Fish shows that people are living and dating by their beliefs.

When I read the study, which claims that 34% of singles would rather have bad sex for the rest of their life than date a Trump supporter, I quickly realized this heated subject isn’t slowing down.  Our commander-in-chief still affects the way singles select their dates online.

The Conversation survey breaks it down further and states:

• 59% of singles won’t start talking to someone whose dating profile promotes a different political opinion.
• 52% of Republicans and 65% of Democrats won’t start a conversation with a political opposite.
• 84% of singles find it’s best to openly discuss their divided views with their partner.

RELATED: DOES LOVE TRUMP POLITICS? MATCH SURVEY SAYS YES

I asked POF’s Conversation Expert Celeste Headlee to weigh in and elaborate on these findings in the Conversation Nation 2018 study, to help answer questions that my dating coaching clients always ask.

Julie: Should singles post their political opinions in their dating profiles?

Celeste: It may not be a good idea to put your politics on your profile. As we can see, many people make quick decisions about dating based on political issues, and it’s much better (and less likely to cause friction) if you talk about them face-to-face.

Julie: When should someone bring up politics? Before a first date? In their profile? On the first date?

Celeste: It’s okay to choose one issue that you know you’re passionate about and bring it up on the first or second date, as long as you are kind while you do it, and have no intention of arguing. Let the other person know you’re just trying to see if the two of you are compatible.

Otherwise, leave that political conversation for the second or third date and don’t argue or yell at anyone. If they disagree and you can’t see yourself with that person, be honest and be kind. 

Julie: Why has dating a Trump supporter become such a hostile issue?

Celeste: Dating a Trump supporter can be an issue for people because he’s the culmination of a long trend toward polarization and division in politics. Whatever you may think of him, the evidence shows he is the most divisive president in US history.

RELATED: LOVE VS. TRUMP: IS POLITICS POLARIZING RELATIONSHIPS

He has taken some extreme stances on many issues and that means he’s upset and offended people. So, it’s common for people to say that they can’t date a Trump supporter, or will only date a Trump supporter. We think that knowing someone’s position on the president tells us more about them than it really does.

Julie: Why is politics a bigger deal-breaker than bad grammar?

Celeste: One of the surprises in this study is that more people are turned off by bad grammar than by bad sex. But the number of people who won’t date across party lines is larger still.

At this point, it’s very difficult to avoid talking about politics, as nearly every aspect of our lives has become political: what we eat, what music we listen to, what movies we watch. So, it’s important to talk about politics with your date, but be prepared to listen more than you talk and not try to change anyone’s mind.

Julie: How can you communicate in a healthy way with someone with different political beliefs.

Celeste: If your goal is to learn about the other person’s opinions, instead of talking about your own and arguing your position, you’ll be much more likely to have a healthy conversation. If they say something you find troubling, you can say, “I disagree with you, but I’m interested in learning why you believe that.” It’s difficult and sometimes scary to talk about politics with other people, so be kind and be welcoming. 

Julie: How can liberals and conservatives co-exist in the dating world?

Celeste: Liberals and conservatives can date each other and be happy. The most common reasons for divorce are money, cheating, and a lack of together time, not politics. If you can learn to allow the other person to have their own thoughts and opinions, to discuss without arguing, to stop trying to change their mind or convince them they’re wrong, you will get along just fine.

What happens in government will not, in the long run, determine the success or failure of your relationship. If you create a party loyalty test for all of your dates, you may end up walking away from someone who is a perfect match for you in every other way.

On that note, has dating in Trump’s America affected your choice of daters, or caused tension in your relationship?

We’d like to hear from you with your stories, so contact us at CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for 24 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira for dating advice on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

I have a confession.

I’ve been hiding a secret and can no longer remain silent.

As a dating coach in the business of love, I saw first-hand the strain on people’s relationships — including mine — when Donald Trump ran for and eventually became president.

During the campaign, my long-term boyfriend and I were on opposite ends of the political spectrum. He was on the right, and I was on the left. Initially, this didn’t alarm me, but over time, the division began to tear us apart, putting our relationship to the test.

I now fear, in this current political climate, that President Trump has destroyed romance as it once existed.

Once upon a time — two decades ago — we lived the fairy tale.

We fell in love at first sight, and after several joyful years together, we went separate ways. I wanted marriage, and he wasn’t ready.

Eventually, we wed others and lost touch.

Then in 2015, both divorced, we found our way back through Facebook Chat, proving a love so strong could never die.

We began sending each other digital versions of photographs neither of us had tossed away. His albums had been stored in an attic, while mine collected dust in a garage.

“We should meet up for a long drink and catch up,” his message said one morning.

I thought about it and both hesitantly and nervously, I agreed.

The moment our familiar eyes locked, we instantly realized the spark was still there.

I was the woman he wasn’t allowed to speak of during his marriage, he explained. He was the one I often regretted letting go.

When his curated mix of love songs arrived in the mail, two hearts resealed, and we resumed our romantic journey toward a second chance at love.

“We have the greatest story,” he proudly announced to my girlfriends when we reunited. I felt the same.

Blissfully, we started merging our lives with music as our backdrop.

He accompanied me to the Walt Disney Concert Hall to watch Gustavo Dudamel conduct the Los Angeles Philharmonic. Looking handsome, he wore an Italian sports jacket, and his sparkling hazel eyes matched mine identically.

I went to the Stagecoach Country Music Festival with him, wearing my Stetson cowboy hat as we walked through miles of dust and hay.

We posted photos online of us looking deliriously happy.

After a decade and a half apart, we were, admittedly, different people with dissimilar lifestyles.

I was more of an urban girl who lived in Los Angeles and frequented the liberal desert city of Palm Springs. He lived in a post-divorce rental home one hour north of me in Ventura County and thrived in the ultra-conservative mountains of Northern Idaho.

“It’s just geography,” I thought, and as a couple, we seemed to co-exist in each other’s favorite places with ease.

“I’m sorry I never proposed to you back then,” he said one evening.

My heart instantly started to race. Was my boyfriend about to get down on one knee with a ring?

After a moment of silence, I secretly hoped we still had time.

Although he had a history of commitment issues, our renewed love was growing stronger every day. That was until the heated election season rolled in when our perfect relationship started to fray.

“I can’t take another four years of the Clintons,” he murmured while pouring himself a martini.

“Don’t tell me you’d vote for Trump,” I yelled, then lost my appetite.

Once a registered Democrat, during our time apart, my boyfriend shifted his support to the Republican Party. He also hated the fact that Hillary Clinton was running for president.

Throughout the campaign, people were taking sides, and the effects began to permeate the bedroom. Couples were splitting up in “you’re fired” style — basically, instantly and without warning.

The great political divide was crushing relationships, including ours.

In a time of angry accusations of “fake news,” I started feeling like I was living in an all-too-real, fake relationship.

I was in deep conflict, believing we were the poster couple for eternal love. I didn’t want our story to end, so I buttoned my lips when he brought up his anti-liberal rants, and rolled my eyes when he praised “The Donald.”

RELATED: Love Vs. Trump – Is Politics Polarizing Relationships?

“Turn off the TV,” he insisted, as I watched the Democratic debates during our trip to the Florida Keys.

Real Time with Bill Maher was off-limits.

“Really? I asked. “I can’t watch one of my favorite talk shows?”

Instead, we settled on watching romantic comedies on demand, curled up together, as a form of truce.

When political coverage became a 24-hour reality show, I noticed his attitude and values contrasted sharply from mine. I believe in gun control and Obamacare, and he’s proud of his gun closet and supports the “big, beautiful wall.”

I thought we could just agree to disagree as my parents did, but it was clear our bipartisan relationship was in jeopardy.

For a woman with a big and public voice, I remained unusually quiet, with the hope that he’d calm down after the voting frenzy was over. Slowly, I started to pull away from him, and I felt him doing the same.

One month before Election Day, we officially became a long-distance couple. He moved to Las Vegas, and I stayed in Los Angeles. With 300 miles between us, and Trump looking over my shoulder, it was challenging to stay connected.

I visited him to see the Rolling Stones in concert. He came my way for Stevie Nicks.

Then Donald Trump surprised us both by winning the election.

Shortly after, with tensions still high, he escorted me to a Hollywood party where both of us arrived dressed in purple to represent unity during a combative time.

On Inauguration Day, my boyfriend couldn’t take his eyes off the television, and I couldn’t bear to watch. He was as excited with Trump’s swearing-in as he’d be if he scored an eagle on his favorite golf course.

Then I asked myself, “Could we survive Trump?”

Here I was, with a man who believed our country’s new leader was making America great again. Meanwhile, I checked Trump’s daily tweets, now the primary source of hard news, as my blood pressure rose.

It was clear my guy didn’t want a left-leaning girlfriend, and I couldn’t express my feelings freely.

Still, on Valentine’s Day, a few weeks later, my beloved curated the perfect 48-hour love fest, and the cloud of politics never made it to the bedroom.

He drove over four hours bringing me one dozen long-stemmed roses in a ruby-red vase, embellished with a crystal heart bracelet. We later dined at an ocean-view table at Shutters on the Beach hotel in Santa Monica, where two years earlier we had reunited.

Together, we posted photos of us on social media and still felt in love as we toasted, “to us.”

It was our last night together as a couple.

Three days later, we called it quits.

Since he’d moved out of state, I tried to convince myself distance caused the split, but it was differing politics and the associated party values that slowly killed us.

RELATED: Post-Inauguration Breakups: Differing Politics Are Destroying Love

Our president became his new hero, and he mirrored the commander-in-chief’s beliefs and behavior. He wanted a polyamorous relationship, and I wanted a devoted partner. It crushed us, but much to my surprise, I wasn’t devastated.

During the time that our country became so polarized, we had changed. My emotions went from sad to mad, but eventually, I started to feel empowered, and my voice re-emerged.

After our romance ended, I decided it was time to look for someone on my side. Luckily, I quickly met a political junkie who lives in town online on Match. He listed himself as liberal in his dating profile, which was enough for me to click the reply button.

Our first date was at a harbor-view restaurant in the Marina. A good sport, he drove over an hour in heavy traffic from downtown LA, looking distinguished in a business suit and tie. I felt immediately at ease.

“Did you vote for Trump?” he asked.

“No,” I quickly replied, as we both sighed with relief.

It was a deal breaker for us both, and as we talked about our nation’s challenges, we clicked.

I admired my brilliant date for helping Dreamers, along with his belief in stronger gun control laws. We talked about Obamacare, tax reform, net neutrality, and immigration issues plaguing sanctuary cities.

Call me a sapiosexual, but his intellect was an aphrodisiac, and our conversations lasted for hours. The floodgates opened, and in time, so did my heart. Who knew that shared leanings and Saturday Night Live monologues could top a mutual desire for dark chocolate?

Because we were in sync, we advanced to a second date, then to a third, and by now, we’ve lost count.

Talking about politics in Trump’s America is important to me.

I worry about our country, but I don’t regret reuniting with my former beau. While I realize our deep history and unconditional love had brought us back together, it’s a huge relief not to have that burning question of “what if” circling inside my head.

However, love is conditional, with politics now residing atop the dating totem pole. As disappointed as I am with our president, I have him to thank for this realization.

And I learned a valuable lesson when my love life got “trumped.”

I’m now watching Bill Maher’s monologues in the arms of a man who appreciates my strong voice, and I am forever grateful to be heard.

RELATED: Dating in a Trump World – One Year Later

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s a bestselling author and the the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. As an early adopter of Internet dating, Julie’s been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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