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Why WhatsApp is Making Singles Anxious

Mashable Logo

Recently we wrote about non-traditional dating apps that were used to find a date.

When Rachel Thompson from Mashable asked me to weigh in on the anxiety singles were having staring at their SO’s ‘last seen’ timestamp on WhatsApp, the popular messaging app purchased by Facebook for $19 million, I wasn’t surprised.

In her article, The One WhatsApp Feature Can Make or Break Relationships, Thompson took a deep dive into the activity and hearts of singles wondering if their boo was cheating on them, or to check on someone who might have ghosted them. Ouch, it’s a digital pain that stabs at our hearts.

Some singles were staying up until after 3am to see if the person they’ve been dating was awake texting someone. What they knew for sure, is they weren’t the recipient of sweet nothings late at night, or possibly at all that night.

Thompson even spoke to an attorney who was president of the Italian Association of Matrimonial Lawyers who said, “WhatsApp messages sent by cheating spouses play an integral role in 40% of Italian divorce cases citing adultery.”

I told Mashable, “the incessant checking of the ‘last seen’ timestamp should sound alarm bells in your relationship, regardless of what you find.”

“If you don’t have trust in your relationship both online and offline, then then it’s not a healthy relationship and you should think about calling it quits instead of staring at his or her ‘last seen’ timestamp.”

Related: Online Dating Anxiety Disorder: Is it Worse During the Holidays?

via Giphy

via Giphy

Where staring at the timestamp becomes a problem, is when someone stalks an ex, is unsure of their relationship status, and these days, more frequently if they’ve suddenly been ghosted and don’t know why.

This feature, where you can check up on someone to know there digital whereabouts, helps people stay connected, but It can become very obsessive and isn’t limited to just WhatsApp. Some are checking the last online status on online dating sites such as OkCupid or to see if they have a green button on Facebook chat.

Related: Rules of Netiquette: To Snoop, or Not to Snoop

This need to cyber stalk gets worse when the person you’ve been checking up on decides change their privacy status to hide their last seen feature, or even takes it a step further and blocks you. Ouch, again.

Still, the need to peek can become addictive and it can negatively affect a relationship when one jumps to a digital conclusion about the relationship status solely bases on online activity. It appears WhatsApp is now responsible for many breakups.

Are you gazing a little too often at the timestamp feature on WhatsApp?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet and mobile dating apps. Julie has been coaching singles for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

For more dating advice, sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

 

Julie Spira Talks Online Dating With Charles Tendell

Ask the Cyber-Dating ExpertIf you missed our radio interview on “Hacked” on the Charles Tendell show on Denver’s Talk Radio 1690 KDMT in Denver, here’s the replay for your listening pleasure.

In this one hour segment I provided tips for online dating profiles, safety, how to spot a “catfish” and how to create an irresistible online dating profile to find your dream date.

Listen Here

You’ll hear how I told Charles the story of how I became the pioneer of online dating, even before the days of Match and eHarmony. I also provided listeners with tips to be successful with Internet dating with the enormous amount of members flocking to dating sites and mobile apps.

Since many singles are looking for a different type relationship, whether it’s a long-term relationship, or casual dating, we discussed which sites are the best for you. Is Tinder just for hookups? Hear my explanation.

For the best online dating advice, I do recommend truth-in-advertising, as these days daters are hopping over to Facebook, Linkedin, Instagram, and other social networking sites to see if your photos and profiles match up.

Read the full transcript here:

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter!

This is the Top Gift for Singles

A few years ago on Cyber Monday, The New York Post published an article that caught the eye of many singles entitled, Best Holiday Gift is a Date.

Forget the lingerie or tech gifts, if you’re single, you really want a great date, right?

On a day where shopping frenzy is at an all time high, singles are more worried about finding a date. It’s true that finding a date for the holidays is the number one stress for singles now.

Match says their traffic increases by almost 23 percent during the holidays. They claim that 59.5 percent of those polled said they’d prefer a kiss over a new laptop on New Year’s Eve.

Match found that 48 percent of respondents listed in their poll said finding someone to share the holiday with as their biggest end-of-the-year worry, while only 23 percent said they’re most anxious about finding the perfect present.

As an online dating expert and relationship coach, I agree with their findings.

Cyber-Dating Expert has shown a huge spike since Halloween and many singles signed up for the Black Friday and Cyber Monday specials, with the hope of finding someone sooner, rather than later.

Remember, if you’re a single woman who wants to couple-up, there are many single men who feel the same way during the holidays.

Let me help you find your dream date for the holidays and make it a better experience for you by creating your Irresistible online dating profile.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online and on their mobile phones for over 20 years. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

 

LIVE Event: Mastering the Dating Relationship Puzzle

Julie Spira - Dr. Gary Penn

It’s an honor and joy to announce that Dr. Gary Penn has invited me, along with Shannon Colleary to his LIVE PODCAST event in Los Angeles on Wednesday, October 21, 2015.

If you’re struggling to find a great relationship or are trying to get out of a dead-end one, this event is for you.

For only $25 you’ll receive:

Wine, nibbles and a great interactive coaching workshop with Dr. Penn and his guests: Life Coach Shannon Colleary and myself, Julie Spira, America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker!

BUY TICKETS HERE

We’ll be fielding audience questions, (anonymously, due to the podcast) which will serve as “mini” sessions for the entire group.

Dr. Penn has certainly walked the walk. He has learned a great deal in his quest to find a loving and connecting relationship. He knows how difficult it is to find “the one”.  He is committed to increasing your odds!

He brings not only his clinical knowledge to this workshop, but also his personal experience to help you work on the self-awareness and emotional availability necessary to find and sustain a loving, healthy relationship.

He’ll help you achieve a state of psychological awareness while teaching you his unique communication and dating skills.

BUY TICKETS HERE:

Life Coach Shannon Colleary, best known for her “Asshat Recovery Program” articles on The Huffington Post, is an expert in helping her clients break their addiction to toxic relationships.
Like Dr. Penn, Shannon has walked-the-walk to recovery, ending her last toxic relationship by using steps inspired by the 12-step programs. After which, Shannon attracted a loving, stable, funny man she’s been married to for fifteen years.

And now she’s helping her clients to do the same thing.

Plus, I’ll be there live and on the podcast as well.

Here’s a bio for me:

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and is a frequent guest in the media, having appeared in over 650 news stories on the intersection of love and technology. She was named the “Pioneer of Online Dating” by Cosmo and was listed in the Top 10 Dating Advice Columnists to Follow on Twitter.” Her Irresistible Profiles programs have helped millions of singles speed up their search to find love online. Julie will be discussing the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online and will help demystify the cryptic text messages that women and men send to each other.

Here are some results you can expect from this 3-hour workshop:

  • You’ll discover why you’re attracted to certain types of people; i.e. emotionally troubled, unavailable people, or people who want to quickly fall in “love” and fuse with you.
  • You’ll leave with actionable tasks to break your addiction to a toxic relationship, if you’re in one.
  • You’ll have a new skill set to approach dating.
  • You will have all the secrets of how to approach online dating.

You’ll have clarity about what you really want and need and how to appropriately convey that when dating someone new.

BUY TICKETS HERE

Who this workshop is for:People who are motivated to make a change in their lives with this kind of attitude:

  • “Enough is enough! Tomorrow doesn’t have to be like today. I can change!”
  • “I can take control of my life instead of constantly feeling disappointed and hopeless!”
  • “I can identify my psychological blind spots and learn new and highly functional ways of connecting.”

“It’s time for me to stand tall and move forward with confidence and optimism.”

Who this workshop isn’t for:

  • People who are invested in staying in the victim role.
  • People who aren’t willing to take responsibility for their choices and their life.
  • People who blame others for their hopelessness and misery.
  • People who want to continually live in the past, which keeps them from fulfillment in the present.

That Bat time and Bat channel again? Wednesday Oct. 21st from 7-10 p.m.
The Roc Center, 607 Arizona Ave. Santa Monica, Ca. Between 6th and 7th street, one-block north of Santa Monica Blvd. (310) 450-ROCK (7625).

BUY TICKETS HERE

FAQ:
How big is this event?
We can only take 90 people.
Can men come too?
Yes, this is a co-ed event.
Do I have to talk?
We would suggest that you ask all of your burning questions. However you’re not obligated to speak. You can absolutely learn a lot just by listening to what other people ask and the responses they receive.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.

Meet Julie Spira at the Santa Monica Public Library

SMPL

You’re invited to a fun event in Los Angeles to be held at the Santa Monica Public Library on July 19, 2015.

Online Dating Expert Julie Spira will be signing copies of her book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and author Mark Miller will be signing copies of his book, 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars.

The event will start at 2pm and will include a lively “He Said, She Said” debate on which gender has it tougher in the dating world; men or women. We’ll be answering your juicy questions on digital dating, who pays for dates, texting, and more.

We’ll be joined by media expert Michael Levine and Ukulele chanteuse Janet Klein to entertain you. It will be a fun and hilarious event. We look forward to seeing you there.

RSVP on Facebook

Santa Monica Public Library

15 New Facts About Singles for National Singles Week

Couples single people meet social media networkIt’s National Singles week and it’s official. The Bureau of Labor Statistics has found that over half of the adult population in America is single. Suddenly being single puts you in the 50.2% majority.

This information, provided by our friends at Match.com also shows that singles aren’t putting looks first, while seeking out a partner.

Match.com has provided some new facts about singles that you might be surprised about, from their most recent ‘Singles in America’ study.

1. Singles want to be with someone who treats them with respect (100% W; 98% M).

2. Singles want to be with someone they can trust and confide in (100% W; 97% M).

3. Singles want a partner they are comfortable in communicating their wants and needs (98% W; 95% M).

4. Singles want to be with someone who has a sense of humor and that can make them laugh (98% W; 91% M).

5. Singles love to exercise, with 65% saying they work out at least once a week.

6. Singles love pets, with 64% saying they own a pet.

7. Singles date online, with 39% say they are using online dating sites.

8. Singles are educated, with 60% having an associates degree or higher.

9. Singles like thinking about sex, with 52% thinking about it at least once a day.

10. Singles are confident about marriage, with 89% thinking they can stay married to one person forever.

11. Singles believe that words of affection in a relationship will bring them closer, with 95% believing words of affection and/or love to be intimate.

12. Single men aren’t scared of an educated and intellectual career woman, with 90% willing to date a woman who made more money than they did and 87% would date someone more intellectual than they are.

13. Racism and religion takes a back seat to self-fulfillment, with 74% willing to date someone with a different ethnic background and 70% willing to date someone with a different religious background.

14. Singles find traveling together more intimate than public displays of affection, with 94% believing that travel is the most intimate experience.

15. Singles want to get married because they want a committed partner to share their lives with, with 86% saying this is the number one reason.

If you’re single, embrace your status and know that finding someone to share your life with goes hand-in-hand with the confidence you own.

For a 20% discount on Match, click here

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Top 10 Best Cities for Dating

Top 10 Cities for Dating

Wondering if you should stay put or change your zip code on your online dating profile to cast a wider net? Yahoo Travel has released their Top 10 Best Cities for single daters in time for Valentine’s Day.

California was the only state with two winners, including San Francisco and San Diego. One can only hope that you’ll take the romantic drive up or down the coast and stop in Los Angeles to take in the new art contemporary buildings at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.

The Top 10 Best Cities for Dating includes:

Austin

Home of the University of Texas and the SXSW Interactive Conference, music lovers will enjoy walking up and down 6th Street holding hands with their date.

Boston

This college-friendly town is filled with intellects from Harvard and MIT for stimulation conversations.

Chicago

This town screams culture and sophistication. Men are chivalrous and your date will most likely best well-dressed for the occasion.

Miami

From trendy South Beach to sunshine year-round, you’ll feel like you’re on vacation while dating in this town. No passport required.

New Orleans

Can I admit that one of my most romantic business trips ever was in the arms of the man I loved in New Orleans. Yes, we did the carriage ride and ate beignets at Cafe du Monde. I wonder if he still remembers it as well? You’ll feel like you’re on a movie set with your date.

New York City

I’ve been known to change my zip code to a New York city address a week before my business trips to the Big Apple. From culture and museums, to Broadway shows, this list would not be complete without New York on the list.

Phoenix and Scottsdale

I have fond memories of a romantic Valentine’s weekend in Phoenix, complete with spa treatments, a golf lesson, and fine dining. In season, the weather can’t be beat.

San Francisco

This city has been compared as the New York of California. Known for high-tech and culture, who wouldn’t want to take a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge with your date? The added bonus is it’s a quick drive to Napa and Carmel, so take in a wine tasting while you’re there.

Seattle

I was surprised this city was on the list, but if you schedule your trip during the SeaFair festival, it’s one of the highlights on their event calendar.

Do you have a favorite romantic city? Is your city on this list? Share us your romantic dates with us on our Facebook page.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt . Follow Julie @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

 

Is Texting the New Calling for Scheduling Dates?

We’ve become so attached to our SmartPhones, but has text messaging actually replaced calling and hearing the human voice? According to a Zoosk Holiday poll of 1000 singles in the U.S., the answer is yes.

43% ?say that text messaging indeed has become their preferred form of communication. 27% of Singles polled said they still prefer the more traditional phone call, while 14% of singles prefer to communicate via Facebook. Twitter got a thumbs down with 0% preferring to communicate in 140 characters or less.

As Zooskers looked ahead to 2011, the good news is that love will be very much in style. 77% of the singles polled said they had a good feeling they would meet that someone special in the coming year. Chances are they will meet while looking for love online.

What’s the sexiest gadget to catch up on your reading? I was pleased to see the answer was a traditionally published book. Over half of the singles polled preferred an actual book over the Kindle, iPad, Nook, or Sony Reader.

How sexy is your Smartphone? 34% of those polled said the iPhone still ranks as number one, but Android is close behind. Blackberry came in at number 3.

Visit social dating site Zoosk for complete results of their survey with the best and worst trends during 2010. As always we wish you lots of love and happiness this holiday season. If you need some handholding with your dating, we help singles create their Irresistible online dating profiles.

5 Ways for Singles to Get Ready to Mingle

Julie Spira - Finding Love OnlineIf you’re newly single and you’re waiting for your friends to fix you up, before the phone starts to ring with potential dates excited about meeting you, you need to get in shape. Just like exercising before the summer to lose weight and fit into that bikini, you need to get ready to go out there and shine like the star that you are.

Here are some of my favorite pre-dating tips on how to get ready for your hot date.

1. Leave the Baggage Behind. If you are still pining away for your ex, have a conversation with yourself about why you are no longer together. Better yet, take a piece of paper and write down some of the negative traits to remind you it’s time to move on. Was he controlling? Did he have a roving eye? A bit too jealous? You need to dismantle him from the pedestal he was on and get ready for a new and exciting beginning. No guy is going to want to hear about the one who broke your heart. I have a saying, “Every Relationship Serves a Purpose, But is Limited.” Stand in front of the mirror and repeat it. It truly works.

2. Dress the Part. How you dress tells a story. Men love to unwrap the package, so don’t reveal too much. A man will undress you with his eyes, even on your first date. It doesn’t mean he’s ready to jump into bed with you. Be subtle, and it?s still sexy. It’s just not an instant invitation to the bedroom.

3. Embrace Your Girlfriend Network. Let everyone you know you would like to be fixed up. Mention it at the nail salon and hairdresser. Have a conversation at the post office with someone you might recognize. Find a supportive network of women who are single and can understand what it?s like to be in between relationships. Create a “Girls Night Out,” which could include a movie with pre or post film cocktails. Dress flirty and smile. Let the men wonder, “Who’s that Girl?”

4. Practice the Art of Flirting. Smile at men at the grocery store. Introduce yourself to the cute guy on the airplane. Compliment a man on his stylish tie at a business mixer. Even if you aren’t meeting the one, perhaps he has a friend he can introduce you to.

5. Cast a Wide Net. Join an online dating site. Accept every invitation that you can for both business and social events. Realize that the handsome chap you are having a conversation with may not ask you out on a date, but he could invite you and your girlfriends to a fun summer party. You may not click on a date, but what if he becomes your next big client? A date isn’t always about meeting “the one.”

Exercise your heart with these tune-up tips and you’ll be ready to mingle with a smile on your face and be open to all of the possibilities this summer and beyond.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert Cyber-Dating Expert and the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.

Alix Strauss, Have I Got a Guy for You on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

We’ve all heard about stories about meddling mothers who just want to see their daughters happily married. In this episode of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, I was joined by author Alix Strauss, who shared stories from her book, Have I Got a Guy for You: What Really Happens When Mom Fixes You Up. Her book is a collection of 25 mother coordinated dating horror stories, that will keep you laughing and entertained.

Alix shared some of her favorite stories from the book including:

* The woman whose parents created an online dating profile for her on an Indian dating site
* The mother who was searching online, ?found her daughter’s former boyfriend, and reunited ? ? ? them, years later
* The mother who was sure her writer daughter needed to meet another writer

Alix shared her own personal online dating story and I shared one of mine, both who many single daters can relate to.

Listen to the program where you’ll hear more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with Cyber-Dating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

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