swiping right Archives - Cyber Dating Expert : Cyber Dating Expert
In the News

10 Safest States in the U.S. for Online Dating

10 safest states for online datingWith Valentine’s around the corner, a question I’m asked frequently is, “How safe is online dating?”

As an online dating expert who constantly teaches dating safety tips, I was pleased to see that highspeedinternet.com (HSI) and SafeWise, combined their efforts and did a deep dive into online dating safety, state-by-state to come up with a list of the safest and most dangerous states to be swiping right to look for a sweetheart.

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we believe that vetting your dates online can be safer than curling up at a bar with an intoxicated stranger. Therefore, each state is safe if you take the time to learn about someone and spot the red flags of those who might not be sincere.

At the end of the digital day, we say date online in all states and countries and cast a wide net, while selecting wisely.

Here’s their list of the safest places to find a digital sweetheart.

Top 10 Safest States to Date Online

  1. Vermont
  2. Maine
  3. New Hampshire
  4. Utah
  5. Idaho
  6. Wyoming
  7. West Virginia
  8. Connecticut
  9. Minnesota
  10. New Jersey

Their research included, crime, sex education, STDs.

On the downside, this report included a list of the 10 states they felt were more dangerous for digital daters.

  1. D.C.
  2. Alaska
  3. Louisiana
  4. New Mexico
  5. Nevada
  6. South Carolina
  7. Arkansas
  8. Tennessee
  9. North Carolina
  10. Alabama

For more dating safety tips, we recommend reading these articles.

RELATED: A Catfish Tale: Reelin’ Them In

RELATED: Online Dating Tips From an Expert

RELATED: From ‘Catfishing’ to Online Dating Tips: Julie Spira Speaks to Charles Tendell

RELATED: Badoo’s Selfie Feature May Prevent a Catfish

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. Julie’s been called the “Pioneer of Online Dating” and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a H0peful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram and LIKE us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Tinder Tales on The Tomorrow Show

Tomorrow ShowIf you missed our live stream on The Tomorrow Show with Kevin Undergaro on AfterBuzz TV, we tackled the subject of how difficult it can be while dating, using mobile dating apps, and finding a meaningful relationship.

In this segment, we were joined by several single daters with stories that will have you ROTFL.

I chimed in on what the daters were doing wrong and critiqued some online and mobile dating profiles.

Without further digital ado, and before swiping left or swiping right on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or more, watch our segment below for lessons and laughter of #TinderTales.

The dating segment starts at 1:07 below.

Spoiler alert: The best story was saved for last.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 2 decades. Julie’s Swiping Right program helps singles make the most of their Tinder profiles, regardless of their dating goals.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

Bumble and Spotify: A Musical Match That Will Work

Bumble SpotifyIt appears Bumble has been adding new features to their popular mobile dating app.

First they added gifs from gifphy to up users flirt game, which we adore, but aren’t sure how many people are using them.

Then it was the BFF, where you can find a friend (non-romantic) to hang out with. I actually saw a billboard on freeway on the way to Coachella, so they’re serious about making it a social networking app.

Then they announced that men also had 24 hours to reply to a message from the women to potentially prevent ghosting.

Now on their blog Bumble has announced they will be partnering with Spotify to bring music preference integration to user profiles. This is music to my digital ears and is a marriage I’m quite happy about.

We actually recommended Tastebuds as a potential dating app earlier this year for music lovers.

Here’s how Bumble’s music integration works:

Bumble will allow users to connect their Spotify accounts so that potential matches can view their most played artists and see what music tastes they have in common.

Bumble CEO and founder, Whitney Wolfe, told TechCrunch, “Music says a lot about who we are as people and connecting culturally can serve a foundation for creating meaningful relationships,” so clearly, it was only a matter of time before Bumble and Spotify teamed up for this new feature.

Over the next few weeks, users will be able to connect their Spotify accounts to their profiles. If you’re interested in an artist on someone’s profile, simply click the artist to open Spotify and begin opening your ears (and your heart) to your potential online love’s music taste.

Bumble SpotifyThis update will not only provide users with more information about each other before they decide to swipe right or left, but it will also create a conversation starter. “I see Adele is one of your top played artists. What’s your favorite album?” is a great way to delve into your digital crush’s preferences and show interest in what they like to listen to.

If you’re worried about guilty pleasure artists or songs you listen to that you wouldn’t want a potential digital crush to see, you have no need to worry. The Verge reported that artists streamed during private listening sessions won’t be counted when calculating who your most listened to artists are.

This new Spotify feature will also help put music lovers at ease. If you’ve ever been nervous about handing a new love the AUX cord in the car, now you’ll know their music interests ahead of time and won’t have to spend time worrying if they can be trusted to DJ in the car.

Will you be adding Spotify to your Bumble account?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of online dating and as a celebrity dating coach, has been helping singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs.  Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online .

For dating advice, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Interested in improving your odds on Bumble or Tinder? Check out SwipingRight to help you find your dream date.

Julie Spira on Chicago’s WCKG Radio with Eddie Volkman

Eddie Volkman - WCKGOn Wednesday, June 8th at 6p/CT, I’ll be a guest with Eddie Volkman on WCKG Radio in Chicago.

Eddie and I had such a blast last time I was on the show, that I’ve been invited back for a lively discussion on dating in the digital age.

We’ll be talking about finding summer love, as Match is predicting the hottest day of the month will be June 27th for online dating.

From ghosting, the epidemic disappearing act, to the best tips for your online dating profile, and swiping right on mobile apps, we’ve got you covered with the best dating advice.

Tune in and listen LIVE or visit WCKG.com to listen to the live stream. Call in with your questions about dating, love and romance.

We’ll be live tweeting as well, so follow @EddieVolkman , @JulieSpira, and @WCKGChicago to join the conversation.

 

Bumble Now Makes Men Reply or Match Disappears

Bumble 24 hour replyTo help prevent ‘ghosting’ dating app Bumble has just evened the playing field for the guys with their new “24 Hour Reply” feature.

The app, where women make the first move, had originally required women to reply to a mutual match within 24 hours or the match would expire. The guys on the other digital hand, could wait to reply to the women as long as they wanted to.

As reported on Mashable, Bumble’s CEO Whitney Wolfe explained that men had “essentially forever” to respond to the women’s initial emails keeping the women waiting, or resulting in guys not replying at all.

Since Bumble’s launch, women have made the first move over 50 million times on the mobile dating app.

Now, Men Must Reply in 24 Hours on Bumble

Now the men will also be on a 24-hour notice as the countdown clock to reply to women will start once they receive an email.

Wolfe told Mashable that with LGBTQ couples, either person can start the communication within 24 hours, but the person who receives the first message must also adhere to the new 24-hour rule as well.

Earlier this year, I was interviewed by ABC News about Bumble and how it was empowering women everywhere and had become a favorite among men, who wire tired of swiping right and getting matches, but few replies from the women.

Watch: Why Women Like Bumble on ABC

The 24- hour timer will make men step up to the plate, or the match will disappear, forever.

I’ve always said, “the squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.” This puts this strategy to the test.

Bumble 24 hours

Source: Bumble

Bumble still will be empowering women by requiring that they make the first move when matched.

Earlier this year they added a new social networking feature to help you find a same sex friend to hang out with, expanding their service outside of dating.

Related: Bumble Helps You Find Your BFF

Guys, are you ready to step up to the digital plate and start chatting with the women?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for two decades. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and has been featured in the news over 1000 times on the subject of dating in a digital world.

Follow @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter for dating advice.

Sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

 

 

Oh No! She Found Her Boyfriend on Tinder

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowHi Julie,

My name is Stephanie and back in December I met this guy on Tinder. We began talking and instantly hit it off. I had been away in another state so we couldn’t meet up right away so we continued to talk and FaceTime for about a month until meeting. I really liked him and was hoping that when we met it would lead to something real.

We met and the first date was pretty fun. It ended with a kiss. We continued to talk and hung out the week after. The 3rd date had come along and the day before we had had been texting and playing a word game. We sent each other words and we had to make up sentences from them. It was fun and flirty. He gave me the word “official” and I assumed and knew exactly what he wanted me to do with that word. I phrased it as a question and said, “will Stephanie and blank ever be official?”

He said that if we weren’t playing a game he would answer it which he did the next day when we met up. He asked if I wanted it to be official and I said yes. So fast forward about 2 and a half months and we are still together. The problem is that now our first issue has just come up. Recently I thought I had been seeing Tinder notifications on his phone. I didn’t confront him at first, which I should’ve done, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions because I wasn’t really sure what I had seen.

Related: Boyfriend is on Tinder – Should We Break Up

Since it was heavy on my mind I decided to make a fake profile myself and search through Tinder. I found his profile and was instantly disappointed. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for one second because I was convinced he forgot to delete it because he had mentioned forgetting to about two months prior.

What made me not give him that benefit was that there were two very recent pictures on his profile. I couldn’t believe he was using it behind my back. I was going to wait to bring it up when I saw him but I got so upset and I had to call him. I asked him and he said he just forgot to delete it. but his responses didn’t seem so honest. I asked him why the two recent pictures were on there he said because it’s connected to Facebook and he had put those photos on Facebook recently.

Since I myself had used Tinder before I remembered that Tinder does not just update your profile like that when you post pictures to Facebook. I couldn’t believe him because his responses were so vague. I asked him to screenshot his matches and he seemed very hesitant and said he had already deleted the app.

Related: How to Delete Your Profile on Tinder

We’ve been arguing non stop and nothing he says I can believe. Even if he wasn’t using it I feel that because he hasn’t reassured me how he feels about our relationship enough to a point that I feel secure, I cannot bring myself to trust him. I told him I don’t feel his feelings are genuine and he proceeded by saying he doesn’t believe mine are either since he was the first on to say “I love you.”

I now feel like he is resenting me for this and is lying about using Tinder. I asked him if he is keeping any other feelings inside and he said no. At this point I don’t know if he is manipulating me so he can distract me from his lies or is truly keeping so much in that he tried to find someone else behind my back.

I just want to know is this relationship worth it? Should I stay and learn how to trust him? Is he playing me because I didn’t confront him in person so he was able to delete everything before I saw? He has told me that my assumptions won’t let me believe him. I said I can’t trust him now. If it’s truly him keeping things in, how do I get him to be honest in the future and let him know that I won’t judge him if he just tells me how he feels?

I really want to be with him but. should I really do all this work to try and figure him out so he can be open, even though he is claiming not to be lying or keeping anything in. I was told to get him comfortable so his guard is down and he will then be honest with me. How do I do this?

The help would surely be appreciated. Thank you so much.

Julie’s reply:

Wow Stephanie!

I’m exhausted reading your email to me and I’m sure you’ve had a lot of sleepless nights. I’m sorry to hear this. I always say, seek and ye shall find.

Let’s start with number 1. You can’t manipulate him.

You can’t make him do anything, period. This isn’t about manipulation, catching him with his guard down to have a convo about his real feelings, or finding the magic wand to make you trust him after busting him with his active Tinder profile.

Number 2.  You saw his Tinder notifications.

It wasn’t just a hunch or the secret profile you created to confirm what you already saw. He has an active profile on Tinder. People join Tinder to date or to look for options.  Sure he could have been digital window shopping, but once you caught him, he had to come up with stories as to why it was there. It was there because he was curious or he isn’t committed to being official with anyone.

I know this hurts and you aren’t the only one this is happening to. I get emails every week from women and men who have found out their boyfriends or girlfriends are on Tinder or dating sites. If he was committed, he wouldn’t have had the app on his phone and been an active user.

Related: Dating Exclusively With an Active Profile Online

Number 3. You created a fake profile to bust him.

You say you can’t trust him, but can he trust you? Trust is huge. It’s everything in a relationship. It takes time to build and a split second to lose. At this point, your short relationship is in jeopardy. Why should he be worried that you’ll be staring at his phone or will continue to create fake profiles to see if he’s there or not. A woman’s intuition is powerful. You knew right away something wasn’t right. Creating the fake profile didn’t make your relationship stronger, it just turned you into a detective because you were hurt.

Number 4. Is this relationship worth this?

This question you ask isn’t easy to answer. I’ve never met your or your boyfriend. In all honesty, the damage is done.  You are saying you don’t believe him. He is creating stories to get out of the mess he’s in and you’re fighting all the time. This relationship had a great beginning, but all good relationships start out with a 3-month perfect phase. It’s what happens between months 3-6 and then 6-9 and then the year mark to determine if you have a relationship that can go the distance.

Related: How to Catch Your Cheating Boyfriend or Girlfriend on Tinder

If he wants to be on Tinder, just let him do so. Then create a REAL profile instead of a fake profile and start dating. You might just find someone you connect with more than this guy who’s been put on the “guilty until proven innocent” list.

Both of you aren’t perfect. So my best advice is to go ahead and date others. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other and push notifications from dating apps won’t ever be an issue again.

I’m sorry you’re hurting, but this is the dating process. You date and time will tell whether you have a relationship worth fighting for.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

xo

Julie

Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years and helping them on Swiping Right on their mobile phones. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Quote of the Day

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Quote of the Day

“The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” ~Albert Ellis

I’ve always said, “The squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.” There’s so much truth to that with online dating or mobile dating apps. There’s a fine line between being needy and sending too many emails, to checking in again with someone who didn’t respond a week or two later.

You see, women get bombarded with emails and messages from guys. Guys know that, so they send a large quantity of messages or swipe right on just about everyone since it’s a numbers game.

The way it works, is to be proactive with your love life. Don’t sit around and wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to appear and sweep you off your feet. Give someone a chance if they make the effort to try to get your attention. Even if there’s no chemistry with them, you might make a new friend or perhaps can introduce hi or her to someone you know who would be a better fit.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @Julie Spira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Find out how our Irresistible Profiles Dating Coaching Programs will help YOU find love.

Read our bestselling book, recently revised on Kindle and Audible

Hello Spring! 10 Quotes to Welcome the Season

Spring is here. The groundhog saw his shadow, the days are getting longer, and love is in the air.

Many singles and couples are enjoying spring break. With the change of seasons, some singles looking for a spring fling and are swiping right in a digital frenzy. Others are glad that a new season means it’s time to think about starting a new relationship.

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we’ve been busy coaching singles and wanted to share a few inspirational quotes to help you say embrace a spring filled with hope, love and joy.

Here are 10 Inspiring Quotes for Spring

A life without love is like a year without spring.

“A life without love is like a year without spring.” – Octavian Paller

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” – Seneca

In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns into thoughts of love.

“In the spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns into thoughts of love.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson

i love spring everywhere, but if i could choose i would always greet it in a garden.

“I love spring everywhere, but if I could choose I would always greet it in a garden.” – Ruth Stout

In spring, everyone's in love and flowers pick themselves.

“In spring, everyone’s in love and flowers pick themselves.” – E.E. Cummings

In springtime, love is carried on the breeze. Watch out for flying passion or kisses whizzing by your head.

“In springtime, love is carried on the breeze. Watch out for flying passion or kisses whizzing by your head.” – Emma Racine deFleur

Spring is nature's way of saying, %22Let's party!%22

“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!'” – Robin Williams

Spring is when life's alive in everything.

“Spring is when life’s alive in everything.” – Christina Rossetti

Spring

“Spring is the time of plans and projects.” – Leo Tolstoy

Love is always fresh

“The garden of love is green without limit and yields many fruits other than sorrow or joy. Love is beyond either condition: without spring, without autumn, it is always fresh.” – Rumi

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Instagram Julie SpiraThe Perils of Cyber-Datingtwitter - Julie Spira

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, newly released with a magical epilogue and a fairy tale ending.

Sign up for the Free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

7 Must Do Dating Tips for Spring Fever

Spring Fever

It’s officially Spring!

We know that spring fever is in the air and many singles are hoping to find love this season, or at least fill their date cards.

It’s interesting to note that a lot of MEN are taking their profiles down after a few dates, because they’re connecting with women and are relationship ready!

Now that you’ve moved the clocks forward to daylight savings time, it’s time to think about sunset dates, changing your wardrobe to lighter colors, and getting out to smell the digital roses.

Here are 6 Must-Do Online Dating Tips for Spring

1. Swipe Right

It’s time to turn up the volume and download a few mobile dating apps and start flirting. By now most of you have either used the hot mobile app Tinder, where you swipe to the right to connect with a potential date, or swipe to the left to send them into Internet heaven. It’s time to join the digital party. We can help you with our Swiping Right service to tweak your Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel or other mobile dating apps.

Don’t forget the mobile versions of the dating sites you already belong to. If you’re a member of eHarmony, JDate, Match, OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, Zoosk, or other dating sites, make sure to keep the push notifications on so you can find a date in a digital minute.

2. Log on Twice Daily

Take one hour twice a day and log on to your favorite dating site or scroll through your mobile dating apps. Did you know that just having your profile appearing as online often will raise your visibility in a search to potential dates?  Ready, set, log on.

3. Turn on Chat

Whether you’re on Facebook or are on an Internet dating site or mobile dating app, make sure your settings are configured for you to be able to chat with someone IRL. Download Facebook Messenger on your mobile phone if you haven’t done so and start chatting with someone you might have a digital crush on. Every time you hear that chime on your phone or computer, it just might bring a smile to your face.

4. Cast a Wider Net (and Zip Code)

Not getting much activity in your inbox? Expand your search from 15 miles to 60 or even 200 miles. If you find the one, it’s worth the commute, or even relocating for love. Are you limiting yourself to searching for a narrow age range? Revise your search parameters by a few years. That’s right, 5 years lower and 5 years higher than what you’ve already been looking for might be a good idea. If you’ve upgraded to Tinder Plus, their new feature allows you to add a new location to search in, so if you’re planning on visiting friends or family in New York, you can add that location to start getting matched with singles in another city. By the time you arrive, your date card should be filled.

5. Reorder Your Photos

If you have 3-5 of your favorite photos on your profile and can’t find time to grab a new one from your Facebook page, change the primary photo so your profile looks fresh. When you get the time, add a few more recent shots, wearing something colorful and retire those photos that are 5 years old, or more!

READ: WHEN IN DOUBT, WEAR RED

6. View and Hotlist Profiles

Some people just don’t like writing emails or making the first contact. If you’re a bit shy about initiating contact, view profiles of those you might be interested in and check out your suggested matches.  Chances are they’ll see that you’ve viewed them and will contact you if they’re interested in you. Take it one step further and rate them with 5 stars or put them on your hotlist. Often they’ll be notified, will be flattered, and you just might put a date on your calendar.

 

7. Watch Your Grammar

A study conducted by online dating site and app Zoosk of 9000 online daters found that 72% of users were turned off by blatant spelling errors. Almost 1/4 thought poor grammar was lazy and 93% of singles would be happy to receive a text with proper punctuation. poorly worded messages or messages with typos and grammatical errors. Don’t be that lazy dater who doesn’t appear to be taking  your digital conversation seriously.

Related: National Grammar Day

The good news is Zoosk found that response rates for opening messages sent with an exclamation point are 10% higher than average!

If you still need some help to make your profile stand out from the rest, contact us about our Irresistible Profiles to help you find your dream date.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Visit our Facebook page.

Photo credit: Fotolia.com

How to Flirt or Fall in Love Using Your Eyes

Flirt Using EyesCan you flirt or fall in love just by staring at someone’s eyes?

I remember the first time I fell in love at first sight. There was something about his eyes that captured my attention. I kept staring at him and then turning my head away quickly, a bit nervously. When we finally started talking, it turned out we had the exact same eyes.

I wrote about that experience in my first published book. It wasn’t just about the eyes. It included perpetual smiles as well.

Perhaps I can say we fell in love at first eye-sight. We still talk about the sparkle in our eyes that brought us together to this day. Research has backed up this theory that you can fall in love with someone just through eye contact.

Then again, there are songs about eyes, such as You’re Too Good to be True, Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You, Brown Eyed Girl, Green Eyes Lady, These Eyes, Spanish Eyes, and the list goes on.

Both men and women are visual. Either the see something or someone they like, or they don’t. This is why popular dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are so popular and singles are swiping right in record numbers. At Cyber-Dating Expert, we recommend that you ditch those sunglasses in your online dating profiles and mobile apps, and make sure your potential date can stare into your sparkling eyes.

Here are 31 facts on how to flirt with your eyes

  1. When two people in love gaze into each others’ eyes, their heartbeats synchronize with each other.
  2. Your eyes dilate almost 50% wider when you look at someone you love or fancy.
  3. When flirting, a woman will look at someone, then quickly look away and wait 30 seconds if she’s interested.
  4. Perfect vision makes it easier to fall in love at first sight.
  5. Gazing straight into a stranger’s eyes can make them fall in love.
  6. Rapid blinking may mean someone is attracted to you.
  7. Women will find a man attractive if another woman is looking at smiling at him.
  8. When someone who finds you attractive locks eyes with you, they automatically go up a notch on your love barometer.
  9. Sparkling eyes show strong emotions.
  10. People with a strong connection of love hold eye contact for longer periods of time.

Plus 21 more fun facts in this Infographic below.

Flirting Eyes Infographic

Courtesy of: Optilase.com

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

Next Page »