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How to Flirt or Fall in Love Using Your Eyes

Flirt Using EyesCan you flirt or fall in love just by staring at someone’s eyes?

I remember the first time I fell in love at first sight. There was something about his eyes that captured my attention. I kept staring at him and then turning my head away quickly, a bit nervously. When we finally started talking, it turned out we had the exact same eyes.

I wrote about that experience in my first published book. It wasn’t just about the eyes. It included perpetual smiles as well.

Perhaps I can say we fell in love at first eye-sight. We still talk about the sparkle in our eyes that brought us together to this day. Research has backed up this theory that you can fall in love with someone just through eye contact.

Then again, there are songs about eyes, such as You’re Too Good to be True, Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You, Brown Eyed Girl, Green Eyes Lady, These Eyes, Spanish Eyes, and the list goes on.

Both men and women are visual. Either the see something or someone they like, or they don’t. This is why popular dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are so popular and singles are swiping right in record numbers. At Cyber-Dating Expert, we recommend that you ditch those sunglasses in your online dating profiles and mobile apps, and make sure your potential date can stare into your sparkling eyes.

Here are 31 facts on how to flirt with your eyes

  1. When two people in love gaze into each others’ eyes, their heartbeats synchronize with each other.
  2. Your eyes dilate almost 50% wider when you look at someone you love or fancy.
  3. When flirting, a woman will look at someone, then quickly look away and wait 30 seconds if she’s interested.
  4. Perfect vision makes it easier to fall in love at first sight.
  5. Gazing straight into a stranger’s eyes can make them fall in love.
  6. Rapid blinking may mean someone is attracted to you.
  7. Women will find a man attractive if another woman is looking at smiling at him.
  8. When someone who finds you attractive locks eyes with you, they automatically go up a notch on your love barometer.
  9. Sparkling eyes show strong emotions.
  10. People with a strong connection of love hold eye contact for longer periods of time.

Plus 21 more fun facts in this Infographic below.

Flirting Eyes Infographic

Courtesy of: Optilase.com

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

These Jobs Get the Most Right Swipes on Tinder

Tinder WomenIf you’re wondering if your profile photo is the only thing he or she is looking at while swiping left and right on Tinder, it appears singles are becoming a little less shallow. Your career actually matters.

Now that Tinder allows you to include your job and education on your profile, they’ve tabulated a list of the 15 most popular jobs for both men and women to attract a date, swipe, or whatever you might be in the mood for.

According to the Tinder blog, if you’re a male Pilot, Founder/Entrepreneur, or Firefighter, you’re in the top 3 careers that will get more right swipes. We get it. A Pilot can be sexy, but he won’t be around much. A Founder/Entrepreneur might be creative with a big bank balance, or at least some stock options, so he’s got long-term potential. A Firefighter or Doctor will save lives and can become your own personal hero. In short, women loved a man in a uniform.

As for the women, being a Physical Therapist tops the list as men are imagining her personal touch, somewhere, somehow, or anywhere. An Interior Designer was a bit surprising at number 2, but there’s something intimate about decorating a bedroom with candles and more. As far as number 3 is concerned, it’s enlightening to know that a man is interested in both beauty and brains, so kudos to those who want to date a smart and confident woman. Perhaps they’ll remember to leave the Board Room out of the bedroom.

Tinder Jobs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other top professions on both sides include being a Teacher, College Student, Model, and Personal Trainer.

Women who are in these professions also made the list: PR/Communications,  Speech Language Pathologist, Pharmacist, Social Media Manager, Dental Hygienist, Nurse, Flight Attendant, and Real Estate Agent.

Men who are in these professions also made the list: TV/Radio Personality, Engineer, Paramedic, Lawyer, Financial Advisor, Police Office, and Military.

Here’s the full list.

MEN

  1. Pilot
  2. Founder/Entrepreneur
  3. Firefighter
  4. Doctor
  5. TV/ Radio Personality
  6. Teacher
  7. Engineer
  8. Model
  9. Paramedic
  10. College Student
  11. Lawyer
  12. Personal Trainer
  13. Financial Advisor
  14. Police Officer
  15. Military

WOMEN

  1. Physical Therapist
  2. Interior Designer
  3. Founder/Entrepreneur
  4. PR/Communications
  5. Teacher
  6. College Student
  7. Speech Language Pathologist
  8. Pharmacist
  9. Social Media Manager
  10. Model
  11. Dental Hygienist
  12. Nurse
  13. Flight Attendant
  14. Personal Trainer
  15. Real Estate Agent

Is your profession on this list?

Follow @JulieSpira for online dating advice on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online and Mobile Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on how to find love online for over 20 years. Find out how Irresistible Profiles and Swiping Right services can help you find your dream date.

 

 

Did You Know Tinder Has a Secret Desirability Code?

BBC 4 - Tinder DesirabilityGuess what? Tinder, the hottest mobile dating app now has an algorithm to secretly decide if you’re hot, or not.

The story broke when Fast Company’s Austin Carr got a glimpse of his score in a conversation with Tinder’s CEO, Sean Rad.

On BBC Radio 4, I discussed this feature on You & Yours with Winifred Robinson.

The BBC talked to some Tinder users and most weren’t excited to know they were being scored based on their desirability. The majority didn’t want to know their rating.

You can listen to the segment How the Dating App Tinder Calculates Its Desirability Score here. Click on Tinder when the segment opens up to hear our lively discussion.

How does Tinder calculate its desirability score?

Julie: When it comes to the mobile dating algorithms of Tinder, it’s a bit of a big secret. Nobody knows exactly how attractiveness is measured, but what we do know is that it’s based on things such as the amount of right swipes, the amount of mutual matches, and how well you have made your mobile dating profile. If you have a profile that is not filled out, you probably won’t be as desirable as someone who fills out their profile and uses all 6 photos, and actually writes a 2-3-sentence description of who they are and what they’re looking for.

When you say it’s counting right swipes, what’s the significance of the right swipe on Tinder?

Julie: when you swipe right it means “yes, I’m interested in this person” and if the person who is viewing your profile also decides to swipe right because they think you’re attractive, then you have a mutual match and you have the ability to chat with each other in a text-like form until you decide to meet in person.

Men right swipe more often. What are women doing?

Julie: Women are getting bombarded with potential matches and when they see people that don’t look very good, have blurry photos, or saying that they’re just looking to hook up, they’re going to swipe left. They’re very picky. Women will look at the profile and decide if they might want to go on a date with them. Men, on the other hand, are visual. It’s hot or not for them, and they just swipe right on almost anyone just to get a match.

Related: Tinder Update Ignites Gifs and New Flirting Features

Was it a big surprise when the truth emerged that Tinder is also calculating the attractiveness of people on the site?

Julie: I wasn’t surprised at all about Tinder’s new ELO score, that’s what they call it, with their hidden algorithms to determine if somebody is attractive or not. We’ve seen this with many other dating sites, including Ok Cupid, and for Ok Cupid premium members, you can actually see who has a higher rating or a lower rating on the attractiveness scale. So I’m not surprised. What I am surprised about is that it’s a secret for now, but I have a hunch that at some point they’re going to add that as a premium paid service for people that only want to swipe right on people that have a high desirability score.

Is it just an algorithm on Tinder and similar apps that work out how desirable you are? Is there any human input? Does anyone who works for the company look through your description and make a judgment or look at your photographs?

Julie: There are many dating companies that actually review the profiles and the photos before actually approving those. We see sites like Match.com and JDate that have a strict moderation policy where all photos and any changes to the profile have to get approved by a customer service team. So there are some checks and balances in place, but not necessarily on a mobile app like Tinder.

If you think you’re more interesting and attractive than the people you’re being matched up with, is there anything you can do about that?

Julie: I would not want to know. If I’m more attractive than the girl next door, then that’s someone else’s decision. But with this attractiveness level, it’s really an ego boost or an ego bust.

If you use these apps, is there anything you could do to boost your own rating?

Julie: When I work with singles, I actually critique and create Tinder profiles and profiles on other dating sites, I make sure that the 6 photos are really terrific. And the first photo is the first glance – you need to be looking into the camera and smiling. And if you’re a woman, I suggest you wear red because red is proven to be the color of love, romance, and the stop sign. Guys swipe right to more women wearing red. If you’re a guy, write something on your profile. And if you’re looking for something serious, say something in your profile like “not interested in a hookup,” “looking for the real deal.” And, of course, please no selfies in the mirror, and wear a shirt.

Related: Boyfriend is on Tinder, Should I Break Up With Him?

For more information on how to be successful with Tinder and other mobile dating apps, click here.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

Watch our new book trailer for the revised edition of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Singles Holiday Dating Survival Guide

Holiday Dating survival guide

Baby it’s cold outside! It’s that time of year when holiday invites are pouring in and your single status might make you want to hide under the covers.

It’s safe to say that emotions are flying high during the holidays for singles, new couples not sure how to define themselves, those who have had a recent breakup, and those who are tired of hearing from their relatives about their relationship status.

The holiday period from Thanksgiving to New Year’s brings up a lot of emotions. In the words of Fleetwood Mac’s Stevie Nicks from the song Dreams, it’s natural to think of memories of what you had and what you lost. The band also sings about how “You make loving fun” so don’t turn down the volume just yet. Listening to music this time of year can give you both strength and send you down memory lane.

One thing I know for sure, is my phone is ringing with singles wanting to connect and meet someone new to share the holidays with, so there are plenty of singles looking for love online now.

Still, I know how tough it is at the holidays being single. I’ve been there. I’ve been watching the abundance of posts on Facebook of couples who are changing their relationship status to “In a Relationship.” If your status isn’t that in that category, it can be a digital stab to your heart.

I’m here to tell you that this is actually the best time of year to meet someone wonderful to date. Filling your date card with quality people is quite possible, so take away that frown and look at my tips in our holiday survival guide.

The Cyber-Dating Expert Survival Guide to Help you Through the Holidays, Online and IRL.

1. Don’t rely on Social Media to go down memory lane

Sure I know it’s natural to take a peek to see what your ex is up to, but if they’re jetting off to Paris, heading for sunshine in Hawaii and kissing under the mistletoe, you’re hurting yourself big time. Instead, try to create your own new memories. Walk down a festively decorated street and snap a few photos of trees, store windows, and cheerful pictures and post them on your Facebook wall. So what if you’re alone or with your BFF. You’re out of the house and not living in the past. Digital snooping is also on the rise, especially during the holidays. It brings out the worst in many. At PlentyofFish, they surveyed over 9000 of their users between the ages of 20 -40 to find out what their holiday dating habits were. POF found that 82% of the women were actually checking the Facebook statuses of guys they were dating to see what they were doing when they weren’t around. Wouldn’t you be better off out, than attached to your phone?

2. Fill that date card and stay organized

Anxiety can be at an all time high, but joining a few dating sites and using mobile dating apps will be a great ego boost. It will also give you the chance to meet a lot of people. However, don’t embarrass yourself by calling Don, Doug or introduce yourself as Jackie from PlentyOfFish if you met him on eHarmony. The easiest way to do this is by creating an excel spreadsheet and logging your conversations. You would do this for a job, right? Well this is a job with a possibility of a lifetime of love. It’s worth the effort.

3. Block your ex’s profile

If you’ve recently ended a relationship with someone you met online and it wasn’t on good terms, chances are you’ve both rejoined the site to meet others. Make sure you block his or her profile so they don’t appear in a search and to avoid the obsessiveness that results when you check to see when they last logged on or if they’ve deactivated their profile. Don’t assume if their profile is gone that they’ve ridden off into the sunset with someone else. Sometimes people just take a break or they may have blocked you.

4. Don’t jump into a rebound relationship

They say the easiest way to get over someone is by replacing them in a New York minute with someone new, but is it right? Sure the initial infatuation stage is a lot of fun and it’s nice to have a warm body around, but finding someone new when you aren’t ready to date isn’t always the answer. Spend time with friends, hang out with an ex that you’re still on good terms with and can be yourself with, and spend time alone reading, writing, or taking a cooking class or French lesson.

5. Discuss holiday gift giving

Before you run off to Tiffany to get him sterling silver cufflinks engraved with his initials after three weeks of dating, ask yourself how overwhelming it would feel if he showed up with an engagement ring one month in. It could be over the top, right? Come up with a reasonable budget. Perhaps you can get him a cashmere scarf or sweater, tickets to a concert or sporting event, and make home made cookies. You could get her a gift certificate to a spa, gourmet chocolates, a fun accessory for her mobile phone, tickets to a show or a museum exhibition, or a piece of costume jewelry in her favorite color. Avoid giving her just lingerie, unless it’s something she picks out for herself.

READ: THIS IS THE TOP GIFT FOR SINGLES

6. It’s Peak Season for Online Daters

The good news is that more singles are signing up for dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. Match reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new members signing up between Christmas and Valentine’s Day and at Cyber-Dating Expert, it’s the busiest holiday season ever with new singles joining online dating sites and brand new dating profiles being created.

READ: 5 TIPS TO FINDING LOVE ONLINE

7. Swipe Right

I know you’re attached to your mobile phone. Perhaps you’re waiting for a text from that cutie you had a date with last week. Maybe you’re swiping left to every potential match. I say, take a chance and swipe right more than left. Even if he or she won’t be your dream date, they might invite you to a holiday party or introduce you to a friend. It’s time to cast a wide net.

8. Accept ALL holiday invitations

If your inbox is filled with invitations for holiday mixers, fill your calendar and put on your party dress. Remember to smile at everyone. Business networking events are in abundance now, so you won’t have to feel that you’re the only single person there. Walk in with confidence and you’ll be turning heads and filling your date card.

9. Online Love is a year-round event

People meet online and fall in love all year long. I know a couple that met online on Christmas Eve on Facebook who are now engaged. I know of another couple that met online on eHarmony on Valentine’s Day who are now happily married. One couple fell in love at first sight that met on Match. She hadn’t had a serious relationship in over 10 years and now they’re married. Yes online dating is a numbers game. You’ll be juggling dates, canceling dates, rescheduling dates, it’s exhausting, but it can be so very rewarding as it has been for millions of others.

READ: HOW TO FLIRT ON INSTAGRAM

10. Fall in love with you

At the holidays, please take a deep breath; log on to fill your date card if and when it feels good to you, not because you’re feeling lonely. If you need to take a break from dating, that’s fine. There are no rules, other than to fall in love with yourself first. It’s the best place to be to start any new relationship.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this holiday season, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.  She’s the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and helps them shorten their search to find their one in 50 million.

For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

The Best Online Dating Tips – The Night Side

News Talk 1010It was an honor and joy to be a guest on the Night Side on News Talk 1010 in Toronto with guest host Tony Chapman.

In this fun-filled hour on the radio, we talked about the early days on Internet dating, how I became an online dating expert, tips on what makes a great online dating profile photo, why singles swipe right and left on Tinder and other mobile dating apps, niche dating sites such as ChristianMingle and JDate and ‘catfishing’ and more.

When asked why online dating works so well, with one out of three relationships starting online, I explained that Internet dating is efficient. It’s available 24-hours a day. You can be sitting at work one moment, get a push notification on your mobile phone and be on a coffee date within minutes.

Tony wondered why people sign up for dating sites when they can date on Facebook for free, and I chimed in that Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site, if they wanted to be.

Listen to this replay of our live broadcast for everything you need to know to be successful with online dating.

For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She  was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For help with your online dating profile check out IrreistibleProfiles.com and SwipingRight to help find your dream date.

How Do You Use Tinder? Julie Spira on KPCC

TinderThe article on Vanity Fair about Tinder resulted in a #TinderMeltdown, when the mobile app lashed back out at writer Nancy Jo Sales. The story went viral with thirty-or-so tweets from Tinder defending their position of helping singles also find love online, and not just as a hookup app.

The point is, there’s a little bit of everything going on relationship-wise online and offline.

RELATED: Swipe Regret? There’s Help for Men

From hook-ups to marriage, soul mates to bed mates, there’s a mobile app for you.

As a guest on  AirTalk with Larry Mantle on NPR’s KPCC, we talked about this story, Tinder dating, and heard from a variety of men and women who are using Tinder who shared their experiences.

RELATED: Has the Tinder Hookup Culture Ruined Romance

To listen to the rebroadcast, click here

Do you have a Tinder story to share? Please post your comments here.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and find out how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.

RELATED: Why Tinder and Mobile Apps are So Hot

Has the Tinder Hookup Culture Ruined Romance?

Mobile PhoneIn the September issue of Vanity Fair, Nancy Jo Sales wrote an in -depth piece called, Tinder and the Dawn of “Dating Apocalypse.” It’s an eye-opener and validation of a woman’s worst fear. The guys are swiping right to hook up and it’s all just a game.

In the story, it’s reported that 100 million people are using mobile apps, with about 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day. The numbers are mind-boggling and enormous.

The VF story is really about sex and hookups. Mobile apps just happen to ramp up the numbers in a digital second, and singles in their 20s are buying into the hooking up program, I believe which ruins their chance at romance.

READ: Swipe Regret on Tinder?

We’re living in a virtual world of swiping left and swiping right, with many instantly determining if you’re hot or not. But even if you’re not considered hot, many just keep swiping right, as it’s just a numbers game when it comes to mobile dating. Tinder and other apps provide the tools to hook up and have sex with multiple partners a day, or not.

Many women claim they want romance and a long-term relationship, but they seem to feel that sending photos of their private parts and receiving dick photos is a part of the digital courtship process and join the program.

The problem is, some women are hooking up with hopes to change the mindset of the guy they’ve just slept with. Maybe they’ll think of them as marriage or relationship material, or maybe they’ll be swiping right while you’re putting your clothes back on.

As one who has embraced online dating for over 20 years as an early adopter of Internet dating, and one who coaches and helps singles find serious relationships in the digital age, I have mixed feelings about Tinder. I’m thrilled that it’s given credibility to online and mobile dating and gives you a chance to cast a wider net to find a date or a mate.

If you say you’re using Tinder to your friends, one may ask you why you’re on a hookup app if you’re looking for love. But who isn’t using Tinder? Celebrities such as Hillary Duff, Katy Perry, and Ed Sheeran on Tinder, with Sheeran receiving the first celebrity verified profile on the mobile app. They join the Tinder bandwagon because they’re single and it’s easy to use and is fun. After all, after each swipe, you’re prompted with a message to “Keep playing?”

So we continue to swipe with the hopes of finding a match worthy of introducing to your friends and family, but weeding out those who want to hookup and those who want love is confusing.

We hope there’s truth-in-advertising, but men and women can just say in their profiles that they’re looking for a serious relationship, not serial dating. However those same people could be already in a “committed” relationship, while looking for Plan B when the romance starts to fade and the monotony kicks in. Research from Global WebIndex states that 62% of Tinder users are actually in a relationship. So don’t be surprised if a friend sees your steady-sweetie’s active profile on Tinder.

Read: Why Mobile Dating Apps and Tinder are So Hot

So is romance dead or alive on your mobile phone? According to the Vanity Fair piece, it’s looking grim for 20s in New York who find swiping right to be an efficient and inexpensive way to shag a few girls a day or a week, but I disagree.

I encourage the women who are really looking for a relationship to ignore the “dick pics” and take your time to weed out the creepers who want to choke you within 20 minutes. Think about the approach you took while dating with traditional online dating sites or meeting through friends and combine it with the efficiency of mobile dating apps. Keep your clothes on in your profile photos, state your intentions and swipe left until you find someone worthy of having a chat with. While it’s efficient to find someone IRL in seconds, it doesn’t mean you have to meet someone immediately or rush into casual sex if it’s not your goal.

It takes time to get to know someone, whether you meet in a bar, through friends, or on Tinder. Ask a lot of questions before getting involved. But then again, if you’re in it for a night of fun, it’s a piece of digital cake to accomplish that.

To the Tinderellas out there, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. Xo

Read more to learn how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, and as a Digital Matchmaker she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: Fotolia

Swipe Regret on Tinder? There’s Help for Men

TinderSwipe right, Swipe left. She’s hot, she’s not.

With 10 million matches a day, there are many men that suffer from over-swiping to the point that they think they’ve just swiped left in error on the fresh face that could be their dream girl.

If you’re not a member of Tinder Plus, where you can go back and swipe right to the last profile, we’ve got help for you.

We have a fun service at Cyber-Dating Expert called Swiping Right. With Swiping Right, we manage your expectations, help you have a rocking Tinder profile, and show you tips on how to swipe right without getting into a swiping frenzy and ending up with “Swipe Regret.”

You see we know how addictive Tinder can be. We know that when you post photos of a gorilla as your primary shot, you’re trying to be a funny guy. We know that women can’t imagine being in bed with the hairy gorilla, so you won’t be getting many matches. We know you like to show off that muscle when you’re working out at the gym, but women think you’re showing off and will swipe left.

So when you see the digital girl of your dreams, pause. Look at all of her photos. Read her bio. Take the time to see which friends you have in common and swipe right. There’s no guarantee she’ll swipe right as well, but if she does, make sure your introduction message says anything but, “hey.” After all, women know that horses hang out in hay. Avoid “you’re hot,” even if she’s the hottest and prettiest girl on your mobile phone. It sends the message that you’re looking for a booty call and she’ll probably swipe left.

What should you do if you swipe left in error? Learn to take your time and contact us so we can help you with Swiping Right to find your dream girl on Tinder.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and helps singles find love online through her Irresistible Profiles Programs and teaches men and women how to swipe right for love on Tinder.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Is Your New Boyfriend Ghosting?

GhostingMany of you have been through this frustrating scenario.

You meet a guy and the chemistry is off the charts. You exchange numbers and start texting regularly. You get in a groove, start dating IRL or just have a regular daily text exchanges and POOF after a few weeks or a month, he disappears without warning.

Ghosting, the cowardly phenomenon where a woman or a man go from really into you to disappearing completely without an explanation is something I’m getting more and more emails about every day.

READ MORE: GHOSTING: The Cultural Phenomenon in Dating

Harriet writes:

I have been on ten or more dates with this guy. We both agreed to see how things go. We both admitted we are into each other and we are not dating other people, however- we are not exclusive.

He had suddenly pulled away without warning after consistently talking for 6 weeks or so.

I am in agony right now as everything was going so well. I know men lie, but why did he tell me he saw a future with me when he didn’t mean it!?

READ:  What to Do When He Pulls Back

My Dear Harriet:

In the world of dating, it takes time to get to know someone.

Six weeks can be a typical time for someone to decide to move a relationship forward to become exclusive.

I’m so sorry that you’re in pain, but did he really lie? He was feeling good about the relationship in the early honeymoon days so he projected to the future because if felt good.

You both decided to give it a shot and for some reason he wasn’t sure. You say you weren’t exclusive, which allows both of you to keep your options open. Now I haven’t spoken to your guy so I don’t know if he pulled away because he was getting too close or pulled away because he met someone else.  He may have unilaterally decided that the two of you didn’t have  enough in common to take it to the next level. He may have been hung up on an ex, not ready, or gone back with her. You didn’t say if you slept with him or not. There are to many unknowns here.

My best advice is to move forward with your life and start dating again. You might be surprised to find someone you even like more than the guy who did the pull-back.

However, you should know that sometimes guys need their space. They go into their caves to think and need time to decide if they miss you or not. It’s true that men miss you when you’re apart. The worst thing you can do if this is the case, is to chase after him wanting an answer, closure, or call him a liar. He was feeling it then. He isn’t feeling it now or may be confused.

READ MORE: Ghosted for the First Time

Just live your life and be open to meeting someone else and realize that this is the typical course of dating. If he comes back, it means he took the time to think about a deeper relationship with you. If he didn’t, it was a six-week casual relationship. Think about it. You might have been the one after six weeks that had a change of heart about him!

Sure it stinks when someone disappears and you’re a victim of ghosting. It’s wrong, but very common these days. People don’t like to have a confrontation so they ghost. Keep me posted and do something special for yourself. Exercise or go to a movie with a friend.

By the time he comes back, if he comes back, you might no longer be interested in him.

Julie

READ MORE: Most Millenials Have Been Ghosted

Robin writes:

Dear Julie,

I’ve been seeing this guy for three weeks now who I met online and we’ve gone out about 5 times. He seemed to be really interested in getting to know me and he sent me texts every day. Suddenly out of nowhere the texts came to a screeching halt. Not one phone call, no explanation. I guess I’ve been ghosted, but why?

My Dear Robin:

Three weeks is nothing in the dating world. If you met him online, chances are he’s still dating online and you both have active Internet dating or mobile dating profiles. He was probably playing the field, while you put all of your eggs in one basket.

If he’s going to ghost you (and boy do I hate when that happens), I’d rather it be sooner than later before your heart was completely invested. Chances are he met someone else or even already had a girlfriend when he first started contacting you and was testing the water. We unfortunately live in a world with too many options these days. One uncertainty leads to logging on to a Tinder profile.

Sure an explanation would have been good, but in today’s digital world, texting plays a huge part in the courting  process. Since he didn’t send you a text to say, “Sorry, I don’t think we’re a fit,” he just may plan on reaching out again in a few weeks after he sees what else is out there. Hopefully by then, you’ll have met someone and won’t have any interest in the disappearing ghosting guy.

Keep me posted.

Julie

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Need help with your Tinder profile? Find out how our Swiping Right program will help you find your dream date.

 

 

Julie Spira on Larry King Now – Online Dating Profile Tips

JulieLarryKingNow

It was a joy and pleasure to be a guest on Larry King Now, with guest host Katherine Schwarzenegger on the topic of mobile dating, Tinder, online dating, and dating in the Digital Age.

In the full segment, “Swipe Right: Dating in the Digital Age,” I was joined by Grant Langston from eHarmony, Psychologist Rob Weiss, and Johnny Drubel.

From how many photos to put on your profile to finding love and hooking up, watch Katherine and I discuss the segment below:

Expert Opinion: How to Create Your Best Dating Profile

Related: Tinder Plus Launches. Rewind Your Last Date for a Price

Full interview: Swipe Right: Dating in the Digital Age

For more online dating tips, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, join #DateChat on Thursdays at 5p/PT, 8p/ET and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

For help with your online dating journey, check out Irresistible Profiles to help you find your dream date and Swiping Right to make the most of your Tinder and mobile dating life.

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