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Dating Netiquette: Why Grammar Matters

Netiquette grammarThe weekend is approaching and suddenly you realize your date card is empty.

The easiest solution is to log onto your favorite online dating site or mobile dating app and start swiping and writing to that cutie who has been sending you sweet little nothings, right?

Here’s the problem with rushing to respond to every email or text. You may be breaking the rules of netiquette.

  • The auto-correct has become your worst nightmare.
  • It doesn’t matter that you have multiple degrees and a big bank balance.
  • What does matter is when you rush to reply and your grammar is a complete mess.
  • Typos make you appear lazy and actually unintelligent.

The trend is to be casual when sending a text or email and if it’s to someone you’ve known for a while or a friend, it’s acceptable to abbreviate words. If you’re looking to make a great first impression in a crowded digital dating playground, you’ll be ignored or he or she will probably swipe left.

Here are a few examples of first texts and emails that will get ignored and how to fix them.

hey….saw your txt. wanna hang out this wknd?

What’s wrong with this one?

  1. hey.  Horses hang out in hay. It’s too casual and you won’t appear like boyfriend or girlfriend material. You also haven’t taken the time to capitalize the letter H in hey. Swipe left.
  2. saw your txt. The caps button is there for a reason. It’s goal is to help you write a sentence where the first word is capitalized. txt, well why can’t you add one more letter and say text?
  3. Wanna hang out this wknd? Wanna isn’t a word, but you already knew that. wknd is short for weekend, but you knew that as well.

How r u doing?

What’s wrong with this one?

  1. r u. I know it’s obvious, but it again doesn’t show you at your most intellectual best.
  2. Take the time and write something more personal in a full sentence. A good example would be:  Hi Patty! Happy Wednesday. How’s your day going so far?

Still stumped? I put together a list of 20 Flirty messages to capture his or her heart. Use this as your digital cheat-sheet and remember, sending a good morning and a good night text to someone you have a crush or your current girlfriend or boyfriend will make them think warm fuzzy thoughts about you all day and even into their dreams at night.

Related: Why Texting and Dating Make Women Anxious

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

8 Reasons She Didn’t Reply to Your Text

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowHi Cyber-Dating Expert,

Recently I met this girl and she gave me her number.

We started texting and calling each other. Then I called her one day and we talked for about 30 minutes, so I thought everything was great.

One day later I sent her a text and she didn’t write back (one day has passed since I texted her).

My question is should I text her back again or should I just forget her?

Read: Does Texting Make Your Dating Life Crazy

Dear Texting Guy,

To text, or not to text. That is always a big question we get from our readers who anxiously wait by their phone counting the digital minutes and seconds waiting for the chime sound of a text reply.

Take a deep breath. It’s only been one day since you sent a text that didn’t result in a reply from your new digital crush. While texting etiquette, or our Rules of Netiquettestate that you should reply within 24-hours to a text and most daters think any text that isn’t responded to in four hours means someone isn’t interested, often there are other circumstances which prevent a text reply right away.

Read: 5 Texting Tips to Help Improve Your Relationship

You see, lots of things can happen when you send a text. Here are a few reasons why she might not have written back.

1. Her battery ran out.

2. Her phone was turned off.

3. She was on an airplane or in a bad cell reception area.

4. She was at a movie or out with friends and decided she’d get back to you later and just forgot.

5. She’s playing hard to get.

6. She’s not interested in you romantically.

7. She’s got a boyfriend.

Of all of these scenarios, you can look at the first few and realize she was just busy and try texting her again. If she’s involved with someone, you’ll probably find out soon enough.

The point is, we can value ourselves based on a text message that wasn’t returned. What you can do is send a short, flirty, and fun text a day or two later saying, “Hey.. How’s your day going?” This low pressure text message which asks a question might result in her getting back to you and your banter can continue.

Video: Is Texting Preventing You From a Real Life Relationship

What I don’t want to see you do is text her 4, 5, 6, 7 times in one day, because as a guy, it’s your job to make her feel safe to be around you. If you continue to text her without a reply over-and-over again, she might block you or think you’re overanxious, or worse yet, may even think you’re a stalker.

Don’t be that guy, because every woman wants to be with a confident guy. We don’t like game playing when it comes to text messages, and genuinely love to hear from you, so stay on the digital radar. You can take it one step further and actually call her if you have something fun to invite her to.

Read: He Texts Me Daily. Are We in a Relationship?

Do you have questions about your digital love life or need dating advice? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twiter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Does Texting Make Your Dating Life Crazy?

Texting TipsWe live in a fast-paced digital world where texting and tweeting has replaced the human voice in matters of the heart. With digital dating, texts can make anyone anxious.

When it comes to love and romance, that good morning text or smiley face emoticon can make your day. Receiving a text when your date gets home to say he had a great time will help you fall asleep with a smile on your face. Hearing the chime on your phone with a simple, “Sweet dreams” is an almost guarantee that you’ll be dreaming about him.

On the opposite end of the digital spectrum, the absence of a daily text or a change in routine can send many in new relationships and the lovelorn into an unnecessary panic attack. Let’s face it. Women often tend to over-analyze the word count and sentence structure of every text they receive from men. What’s intended to just make sure you have a connection and to keep the momentum going often ends up with a bad reaction of sending a text you wish you hadn’t pushed the send button on, or not sending any reply at all. It’s enough to make you lose sleep at night, grab a pint of ice cream, or dial ten girlfriends to ask them what to do. It’s exhausting and unnecessary. It’s just a text or a way to ping someone to stay in touch, not a relationship measuring stick on whether he’s into you or not.

Most people are so attached to their cell phones that they sleep with them at night or would put them in the shower with them if they were waterproof. Texting can be addicting, but is a great form of digital foreplay.

If the rhythm of your texts has gone awry from your digital crush, here are some of the reasons why and tips on how to stay calm when your phone isn’t chirping or vibrating.

1.  He’s Busy. Men are typically goal-oriented and work and projects are at the top of their list. He might be stuck in a meeting all day out of the office and forgot to tell you his schedule. He might be compartmentalizing and getting his tasks done for the day before he starts to think about romance with you. He might be on an airplane without WiFi. The list goes on. If he isn’t texting you, it doesn’t mean you’re not on his mind. Women on the other hand are great at multitasking. They text, talk, tweet, and blow-dry their hair at the same time.

What to do: Take a deep breath. It’s just a text and not a life-threatening illness. Understand he may not even realize the last time he sent you a text. If you’re on his mind, he might think things are fine.

Read: 20 Flirty Texts to Capture His Heart

2.  He Responds with One Word.  Does it upset you when you write a sweet long text and he replies, with, “ok” or “yep” or “nope?” If so, you’re not alone.

What to do: Reply back with a short text. Use an emoticon such as a happy face to acknowledge it.  Women tend to be more gabby. Guys who are busy read the text reply quickly and move on. Don’t look at his word-count as a lack of interest. He’s not keeping score, nor should you.

3. He Hasn’t Figured Out Your Relationship Status.If you started out as friends and moved into casual dating, he might not be sure if it’s time to get serious or not. Going steady is a big deal to guys. It means they typically won’t be keeping their options open anymore. Rather than disappearing permanently, his texts might become less frequent while he sorts it out.

What to do: Stop living and judging the health of your new relationship based upon the frequency of texts. Take the time to enjoy the moments you have together and don’t over think or spend your precious time projecting to the future. Allow your relationship to progress at its own pace. Women worry about relationship labels. Men think about how they feel when they are around you and miss you when you’re apart. When he realizes you’re a catch and doesn’t want anyone stealing his girl, he’ll amp it up. Don’t ask him why he hasn’t sent you a text in five days. When you hear from him, be happy and respond to keep the digital dialog going.

Read: He Texts Me Daily. Are We in a Relationship?

4.  He has a girlfriend or is involved. Some guys are just flirts by nature. They like to engage in digital conversations with women to boost their egos to keep their options open. If he’s texting you sporadically, but not putting a date on the calendar or changing plans last minute, he just might be setting you up as a back-up girl or might have had a bump on the road with his steady sweetie.

What to do: Ask him. Be blunt and honest. If he can’t schedule something with you on the weekends, but loves to text with you during the week, you should be filling up your date card and keeping your options open. Let him know you’d like to be friends, but don’t allow yourself to get invested in a relationship where you’re just the backup girl. Who really wants to play second fiddle?

5. He always replies a day later. Most of us are attached to our phones, but sometimes the battery life gets depleted, the phone is turned off, someone went to sleep early, family commitments get in the way, or they glanced at your text and decided to reply in the morning. All of these scenarios are natural. However if every text is returned 24 hours later, then realize that he just isn’t that interested in you or is playing hard to get. The digital flow just isn’t happening.

Watch: What to Do if He Only Wants to Text Me [vide0]

What to do: You can mirror his actions by taking another 24 hours to reply, but it’s just game-playing. Let him know that you enjoy receiving texts from him and the daily banter. If he still doesn’t up the ante, find someone else who can’t wait to see your text or emoticon on his phone.

Read: I Saw His Text Messages: Is He Cheating or Is It Over?

Remember, communication in relationships is key and everyone these days use their cell phones for calls, texts, tweets, and facebook comments or likes. Let your guy know that staying in touch when you’re apart and that his texts put a smile on your face. Don’t play texting games and punish him by not replying to his texts when he sends them. No one wants to be with someone who is playing too hard to get. Show that you appreciate it when he takes the time to send you a text. Keep those smiley face emoticons in your text replies when you’re happy to hear from him.

At the end of the digital day, texting is just one ingredient in the recipe for love, it’s not the sole defining factor in your relationship.

Read: 5 Texting Tips to Help Improve Your Relationship

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and help daters swipe right on mobile apps such as Tinder. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

To Text, or Not to Text ? Crazy Dating Texts That Went Viral

To Text or Not to TextDating and humor. It can be a winning combination for those looking for love online, and lethal for those who suffer from a texting anxiety complex.

First we saw the single girl with the cat video which spread across the Internet. We laughed, we shared it, and we really didn’t want to be that girl.

Then we found out about Ashton Kutcher’s online dating video, which was a spoof.

Most of us remember spreadsheet guy, who was totally embarrassed that his date and her friends leaked his private excel spreadsheet with comments about each date to the media.

But the saddest of them all are those who suffer from the crazy texting syndrome. Both men and women are not immune from this new epidemic.

A few stories have been spreading online with screen shots of text messages that will make you cringe. Yes, both men and women get obsessed with sending breakup texts or ones begging their dates to see them again.

Those desperate to love and be loved sometimes can?t always control their digital fingers. They call, they text, they email, they beg, become control freaks, breakup, and in the end they make complete fools of themselves for the rest of the world to see. Even if he or she might be interested in a second date or reconciliation, this behavior chases them away in a New York minute.

Gawker reported on the Fedora Lawyer guy in New York who went to the movies to see The Avengers with a movie date who needed to keep the upper digital hand. His date wasn’t that into him, but she behaved properly on the date, didn’t insult him and let him know she had a nice time, but he wasn’t for her. This is more typical than not, as most singles don’t get to a second date.

The Fedora was described as passive-aggressive. He decided to rate his date a 5.5 out of 10 and put her down saying it was her loss.

A few months ago, BuzzFeed shared the story of the girl who slept with the guy on a first date. She subsequently sent over 50 messages in 3 days, both begging him to see her and getting angry with him. All they had was one date. Now she has a permanent digital footprint on the Internet of a drama she probably wished she hadn’t been a participant on.

Crazy Dating Texts

The point is that we all want to feel love and be loved so badly, that sometimes we act in desperate ways to connect which results in sabotaging any potential with your new crush. Sure we can make fun of these stories. When I wrote The Perils of Cyber-Dating, I wanted to share some humor about my own personal stories that I believed others could relate to. But there comes a time where you need to take the high road, hold your head up and have some dignity and just walk away when it’s over.

Dating is a numbers game. Instant chemistry is rare. When you find it, don’t take it for granted. Don’t play texting games or try to manipulate someone to like you or see you again if the feelings aren’t mutual. Let the relationship move at a healthy course and keep the communications open. If someone politely says they’re busy and can’t get together again, don’t let it become an interrogation or deposition. You don?t want to go down in history as being that crazy guy or girl that no one will want to go out with again.

At the end of the digital day, think before you text. Anything you send digitally can and will be shared. There’s always someone else who will find you to be an incredible addition to his or her life. Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Don’t Become a Digital Dating Fool while Dating in a Web 2.0 World.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and cyber-relations expert. She’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette. Connect with Julie on Facebook and Twitter. Join in the conversation on the pages for The Rules of Netiquette and Cyber-Dating Expert and share your online dating stories.