Tinder Love Story – Steph and Mark

Meet Steph and Mark who found love on Tinder.

About six month’s after Steph’s divorce was final, she decided to sign up for Match.  She realized that dating via the night scene was not working for her, so after a friend had told her she joined Match, Steph followed suit.

After reading the Cyber-Dating Expert blog, Steph decided it was time to give Tinder a try.

Here’s her Tinder love story, in her words.

I met many wonderful men who were not for me.  I had a few minor heartaches as I learned more about myself and what I thought I needed.  By the time October rolled around, I was feeling less than positive about all dating. I was going through the motions of keeping up my profile, answering emails, etc.  I  pushed back on every inquiry.

Related: These Jobs Get the Most Right Swipes on Tinder

Late October 5, 2015, I swiped right and matched with Mark.  At 10:45 am, October 6th, I made a move to try to weed this one out:

Mark was so nice and returned my Boston attitude with kindness.  So I decided to give this a shot.  We quickly moved to phone texting and talking. Mark asked me to go to dinner.  On Sunday, October 11th, we met in Buckhead. He pulled up on a busy street.  I looked in his car and thought, “oh boy, I am in trouble!”

Mark, newly divorced after 25 years, joined Tinder because of the safety of “virtual” vetting and the seemingly abundant options on that app in this area.  On paper, Mark and I didn’t match.  I thought I needed a city guy with a like attitude who can handle me.  He never considered  a “Yankee” as a partner.

Related: Matt and Alee: They Met on Tinder

On our own, we may have rejected the thought of dating each other.  Through Tinder, we learned more about ourselves and what is truly important in our lives.  We have both come to understand that the similarities we share in humor, faith, family values, mutual support and reciprocity are what drives our desire to meld our worlds, not our ethnicity or where we were born.

I couldn’t be happier to be proven wrong by a dating app. The last five months have been a joy learning to love again.  We both look forward to the days to come, and we are grateful for the “right swipe.”

Congratulations to Steph and Mark who prove you can find love on Tinder by Swiping Right.

Send us your story and we might feature YOU in our Cyber Love Story series.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

 

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Find out how Irresistible Coaching can help you find your dream date.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

These Jobs Get the Most Right Swipes on Tinder

If you’re wondering if your profile photo is the only thing he or she is looking at while swiping left and right on Tinder, it appears singles are becoming a little less shallow. Your career actually matters.

Now that Tinder allows you to include your job and education on your profile, they’ve tabulated a list of the 15 most popular jobs for both men and women to attract a date, swipe, or whatever you might be in the mood for.

According to the Tinder blog, if you’re a male Pilot, Founder/Entrepreneur, or Firefighter, you’re in the top 3 careers that will get more right swipes. We get it. A Pilot can be sexy, but he won’t be around much. A Founder/Entrepreneur might be creative with a big bank balance, or at least some stock options, so he’s got long-term potential. A Firefighter or Doctor will save lives and can become your own personal hero. In short, women loved a man in a uniform.

As for the women, being a Physical Therapist tops the list as men are imagining her personal touch, somewhere, somehow, or anywhere. An Interior Designer was a bit surprising at number 2, but there’s something intimate about decorating a bedroom with candles and more. As far as number 3 is concerned, it’s enlightening to know that a man is interested in both beauty and brains, so kudos to those who want to date a smart and confident woman. Perhaps they’ll remember to leave the Board Room out of the bedroom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other top professions on both sides include being a Teacher, College Student, Model, and Personal Trainer.

Women who are in these professions also made the list: PR/Communications,  Speech Language Pathologist, Pharmacist, Social Media Manager, Dental Hygienist, Nurse, Flight Attendant, and Real Estate Agent.

Men who are in these professions also made the list: TV/Radio Personality, Engineer, Paramedic, Lawyer, Financial Advisor, Police Office, and Military.

Here’s the full list.

MEN

1. Pilot
2. Founder/Entrepreneur
3. Firefighter
4. Doctor
5. TV/ Radio Personality
6. Teacher
7. Engineer
8. Model
9. Paramedic
10. College Student
11. Lawyer
12. Personal Trainer
13. Financial Advisor
14. Police Officer
15. Military

WOMEN

1. Physical Therapist
2. Interior Designer
3. Founder/Entrepreneur
4. PR/Communications
5. Teacher
6. College Student
7. Speech Language Pathologist
8. Pharmacist
9. Social Media Manager
10. Model
11. Dental Hygienist
12. Nurse
13. Flight Attendant
14. Personal Trainer
15. Real Estate Agent

Is your profession on this list?

Follow @JulieSpira for online dating advice on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online and Mobile Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on how to find love online for over 20 years. Find out how Irresistible Profiles and Swiping Right services can help you find your dream date.

 

 

Did You Know Tinder Has a Secret Desirability Code?

Guess what? Tinder, the hottest mobile dating app now has an algorithm to secretly decide if you’re hot, or not.

The story broke when Fast Company’s Austin Carr got a glimpse of his score in a conversation with Tinder’s CEO, Sean Rad.

On BBC Radio 4, I discussed this feature on You & Yours with Winifred Robinson.

The BBC talked to some Tinder users and most weren’t excited to know they were being scored based on their desirability. The majority didn’t want to know their rating.

You can listen to the segment How the Dating App Tinder Calculates Its Desirability Score here. Click on Tinder when the segment opens up to hear our lively discussion.

How does Tinder calculate its desirability score?

Julie: When it comes to the mobile dating algorithms of Tinder, it’s a bit of a big secret. Nobody knows exactly how attractiveness is measured, but what we do know is that it’s based on things such as the amount of right swipes, the amount of mutual matches, and how well you have made your mobile dating profile. If you have a profile that is not filled out, you probably won’t be as desirable as someone who fills out their profile and uses all 6 photos, and actually writes a 2-3-sentence description of who they are and what they’re looking for.

When you say it’s counting right swipes, what’s the significance of the right swipe on Tinder?

Julie: when you swipe right it means “yes, I’m interested in this person” and if the person who is viewing your profile also decides to swipe right because they think you’re attractive, then you have a mutual match and you have the ability to chat with each other in a text-like form until you decide to meet in person.

Men right swipe more often. What are women doing?

Julie: Women are getting bombarded with potential matches and when they see people that don’t look very good, have blurry photos, or saying that they’re just looking to hook up, they’re going to swipe left. They’re very picky. Women will look at the profile and decide if they might want to go on a date with them. Men, on the other hand, are visual. It’s hot or not for them, and they just swipe right on almost anyone just to get a match.

Related: Tinder Update Ignites Gifs and New Flirting Features

Was it a big surprise when the truth emerged that Tinder is also calculating the attractiveness of people on the site?

Julie: I wasn’t surprised at all about Tinder’s new ELO score, that’s what they call it, with their hidden algorithms to determine if somebody is attractive or not. We’ve seen this with many other dating sites, including Ok Cupid, and for Ok Cupid premium members, you can actually see who has a higher rating or a lower rating on the attractiveness scale. So I’m not surprised. What I am surprised about is that it’s a secret for now, but I have a hunch that at some point they’re going to add that as a premium paid service for people that only want to swipe right on people that have a high desirability score.

Is it just an algorithm on Tinder and similar apps that work out how desirable you are? Is there any human input? Does anyone who works for the company look through your description and make a judgment or look at your photographs?

Julie: There are many dating companies that actually review the profiles and the photos before actually approving those. We see sites like Match.com and JDate that have a strict moderation policy where all photos and any changes to the profile have to get approved by a customer service team. So there are some checks and balances in place, but not necessarily on a mobile app like Tinder.

If you think you’re more interesting and attractive than the people you’re being matched up with, is there anything you can do about that?

Julie: I would not want to know. If I’m more attractive than the girl next door, then that’s someone else’s decision. But with this attractiveness level, it’s really an ego boost or an ego bust.

If you use these apps, is there anything you could do to boost your own rating?

Julie: When I work with singles, I actually critique and create Tinder profiles and profiles on other dating sites, I make sure that the 6 photos are really terrific. And the first photo is the first glance – you need to be looking into the camera and smiling. And if you’re a woman, I suggest you wear red because red is proven to be the color of love, romance, and the stop sign. Guys swipe right to more women wearing red. If you’re a guy, write something on your profile. And if you’re looking for something serious, say something in your profile like “not interested in a hookup,” “looking for the real deal.” And, of course, please no selfies in the mirror, and wear a shirt.

Related: Boyfriend is on Tinder, Should I Break Up With Him?

For more information on how to be successful with Tinder and other mobile dating apps, click here.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

Watch our new book trailer for the revised edition of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Boyfriend is on Tinder. Should I Break Up

Every week I seem to get asked a similar question from a woman whose boyfriend is still on Tinder wondering if they should break up.

Here’s Nina’s story.

Hi Julie,

I have been dating a guy for 3 months now and just this morning we had a conversation where I asked him if this is what he really wanted (committing to being in a relationship with me), and he said, “Yes, this is what I want. I love spending time with you, I love how you make me feel (…)”.

I created a fake tinder profile a couple of weeks ago and swiped right on him. To my dismay, I just checked it and he had matched with “me” (picture and name of a different person, hence the fake profile) 9 hours ago (this morning right before our conversation.

My question now is what to do. I don’t feel I can trust him now as he had before said he was not talking to or seeing any other women. I feel a little betrayed. Should I confront him about this and tell him how I found out, or let it slide, or break up? Honestly don’t know what to do.

Nina

Should She Break Up With Him?

Dear Nina,

I’m sorry you’re going through this relationship anxiety with your boyfriend. This is the top question I get from female readers. (See the other links in this article from other women). They find out their boyfriend is on Tinder and want to dump him or don’t know what to do. I appreciate your honesty on how the past month has developed with your boyfriend. Let’s talk about a few things. I’m here to help you, but this is going to be tough love my friend, so get ready.

1. You’ve been in a relationship for three months.

Three months is still new for a relationship. It’s the honeymoon stage, where everything is fresh and exciting. It’s the perfect stage, as you haven’t moved into a routine. Many relationships breakup at the three-month point, as some people only like the beginning stages of a relationship and don’t want to get serious. From where he sat, he probably enjoyed dating you and hadn’t moved to a more serious stage yet. He wanted to look at options.

2. You asked your boyfriend if he wanted to be in a committed relationship.

You were happy enough with him to want your relationship to be exclusive. You asked. He answered. He might have told you what you wanted to hear, but he didn’t come out and ask you first to be in a committed relationship, although he said he wasn’t seeing anyone else.

Chances are he wanted to see where the relationship was going to go and got caught up in the Tinder swiping game. It happens a lot. If you’re sleeping together, he also might not want to give that up. He’s a guy. It’s how men are wired. You also don’t know if this morning when he said he loved how he felt with you, that he had swiped for the last time and was ready to delete his Tinder account, right?

RELATED: HELP! I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND ON TINDER

3. You created a fake Tinder profile after 2 months.

In all honesty, this is where the problem started. There’s a saying, “Seek and ye shall find.” Why did you create a fake Tinder profile to try to catch him? Probably because you weren’t sure he wanted to be exclusive with you.

Let’s talk about trust. It works both ways. You felt insecure about your relationship status early on and didn’t trust him. You wanted to catch him and behind HIS back, logged on as a fake person to see if he’d take the bait. It worked, he’s busted and now you’re unhappy. No guy wants to feel like his girlfriend is checking up on him, even if it’s innocent.

I’m not sure if you met on Tinder and if you took your profile down and he didn’t, but at two months, he probably wasn’t ready to be exclusive, or he would have said so. When a man wants a woman to be his, he does what it takes to make her is girlfriend. That includes taking down all dating profiles in good faith to see where the relationship will go.

The moment you think someone’s cheating or looking elsewhere is the moment you realize something isn’t right. Rather than seeing where your relationship would go over time, you tried to catch him, and you did.

4. Tinder is a dating site with many users who aren’t single

Here’s a shocking fact. A GlobalWebIndex survey found that that 42 percent of Tinder’s members are already in relationships. Think about it. Almost half of the users are playing around on Tinder. Some are swiping only. Others are chatting only. Many are meeting and hooking up. Your boyfriend may be one of those 42%.

It would be one thing if someone in a relationship was on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram all of the time. They’re social networking sites. Many people are finding love on social media, but Tinder is a dating (and even known as a hookup) app. If you’re in a relationship and someone is active on a dating app, guess what? It’s wrong. I don’t care about the percentages, it’s wrong, period. Having an active profile on Tinder when you’re in a relationship tells the world that you’re single and looking. From your boyfriend’s perspective, he thought he was single and was keeping his options open. He also swiped on your fake profile before you had the conversation.

I understand that some guys and women too, like the validation they get when someone swipes right on their profiles. It’s a digital ego stroke. I also know that Tinder is like a game and people like to see who is out there and swipe right and never speak.

The problem Nina is something’s off in your relationship. You weren’t on the same page at the same time. If you trusted him, you wouldn’t have created a fake profile after two months. You know that a relationship is based on mutual trust. Without it, it cannot survive in the long haul.

RELATED: HELP! MY BOYFRIEND WON’T TAKE HIS TINDER PROFILE DOWN

5. To Break Up, or Not to Break Up

I can’t tell you to break up with someone if you think he’s your soulmate. Something is missing in your relationship if he feels the need to communicate with women on a dating app. Something is also wrong in your relationship if you feel you need to check up on him. Something is wrong if he’s not happy with himself and needs the validation. The bottom line is, something is wrong.

He says he’s happy and loves spending time with you, which is probably true. But he’s also happy swiping right on Tinder.

I know if it were me, I wouldn’t put up with it. It’s a deal-breaker. I’d want to be in a relationship built on mutual trust. I can’t say if it’s a deal breaker for you, but as soon as you tell him you’ve busted him with a fake Tinder profile, or make up a white lie and say that someone found him on Tinder, I guarantee he will break up with you. You’re asking me if you should break up with him. I think you know the answer. The trust isn’t there.

So you can continue to be quiet and log onto your fake profile to see the exact moment he last logged on and make yourself sick in the process, or try to find someone who will think you’re amazing enough to ditch the dating apps to be in your arms. The choice is yours. I can only hope that you take your fake profile down and never create another one to try to snoop on a guy you really like.

I’m sorry you’re going through this now, but being on a dating site when you’re in a relationship is disrespectful. So is trying to catch him with a fake profile.

My best advice to you is as follows: The next time to have trust in a new relationship. Let it unfold naturally. Men don’t like being with an insecure needy person. If you felt the need to snoop, it was doomed.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

RELATED: DATING IN A TINDER WORLD

Do you have a dating question for Julie? Send your questions here:

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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Is Tinder Looking More like LinkedIn?

Mobile dating app Tinder has a new software update available which they believe will help you find better matches.

In version 4.7.0, users can now add the school they attended as well as where they work, which will both add more authenticity to your profile, as well as give a few ice breakers for those to decide whether to swipe right or left and start a conversation if you match.

While many social networks such as Facebook allow you to list the school you attended to attract other alumni, and the name of your employer, Tinder is following in their digital footsteps to help you find a date.

Still on the shy side? You can use their editing and privacy features to decide whether you want your school and employer to appear on your profile.

These days, more singles want to know you’re for real. Finding out which friends you have in common and seeing a mobile dating profile that mirrors some of your Linkedin profile features, can make a woman feel safer about swiping right.  With their latest algorithm updates, the new ‘Super Like’ feature, and more, Tinder is reaching singles with a variety of dating goals. Say goodbye to hookups only and ‘Tinder Moments’ and say hello to your friends-of-friends, co-workers, and classmates.

WATCH: THE MOBILE LOVE INDUSTRY

Tinder also highlights your new matches at the top of the screen with a circle with their photos and their names. This new interface, instead of just a horizontal list is actually a great look and you can easily see who has ‘Super Liked’ you and who you’ve matched with to start a new convo.

In an interview with Business Insider, Sean Rad, CEO of Tinder says, “This update is part of a wider push by Tinder to give you more relevant information about someone before you decide to swipe left or right.”

To add your school and job to your Tinder profile here are the steps.

1. Go to the app store and update to the latest version of Tinder
2. Click on View Profile and Edit Info.
3. Under your bio, you’ll see Current Work and School. This has been pulled from Facebook. You can freely delete one or the other. Maybe you won’t mind telling what school you attended, but don’t want a Tinder date showing up on your doorstep at work.

RELATED: Tinder Adds Super Like Button to Nudge Your Digital Crush

P.S. You can connect your Instagram profile to Tinder, but if you’ve got a bunch of photos in the arms of another man or woman, you might not want to utilize that feature.

Are you enjoying the new features of Tinder?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie is the creator of Mobile Dating BootCamp and was recently featured in the Vice Documentary, The Mobile Love Industry, along with Tinder CEO Sean Rad.  For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

The Best Online Dating Tips – The Night Side

It was an honor and joy to be a guest on the Night Side on News Talk 1010 in Toronto with guest host Tony Chapman.

In this fun-filled hour on the radio, we talked about the early days on Internet dating, how I became an online dating expert, tips on what makes a great online dating profile photo, why singles swipe right and left on Tinder and other mobile dating apps, niche dating sites such as ChristianMingle and JDate and ‘catfishing’ and more.

When asked why online dating works so well, with one out of three relationships starting online, I explained that Internet dating is efficient. It’s available 24-hours a day. You can be sitting at work one moment, get a push notification on your mobile phone and be on a coffee date within minutes.

Tony wondered why people sign up for dating sites when they can date on Facebook for free, and I chimed in that Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site, if they wanted to be.

Listen to this replay of our live broadcast for everything you need to know to be successful with online dating.

For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She  was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For help with your online dating profile check out IrreistibleProfiles.com and SwipingRight to help find your dream date.

Cyber Love Story, Matt and Allee – They Met on Tinder

Meet Matt and Allee who met on Tinder. Read, in Matt’s words, about their cyber love story and how “Swiping Right” led to his dream girl.

MATT: I met my girlfriend on Tinder.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. ‘Wow, that relationship must be solid if you met on a site like Tinder.’ Frankly, I don’t blame you. Up until about six months ago, I would have responded the exact same way. But Allee and I are living proof that you can find love on Tinder.

Before signing up in January of this year, I had never used any online dating sites, so you can probably imagine my skepticism. I had moved to Los Angeles only three months prior, and to that point had been wildly unsuccessful with dating. I’ve always been a gregarious, outgoing guy, and as a professional journalist and former TV and radio reporter, I’ve never thought myself to be lacking in the charisma department, so conventional ways of meeting people seemed to me much more opportune and much less shallow than some mobile app that asks you to judge someone based on your first impression of a photo.

I quickly found myself addicted to swiping in directions both left and right, and even more so to seeing the words “It’s A Match!” flash across my screen. When I first saw Alexandra (Allee) on Tinder, I’ll admit, I swiped right because I thought she was sexy. I swiped right, but got no response in the days that followed. During that time, I went out with a couple of girls, also from Tinder, but none that made me think “Wow, she’s girlfriend material.” Maybe a week after I had first swiped right, I got a notification saying that Alexandra and I matched.

I’m not sure why, but a voice in my head said ‘Message her! Now, you idiot!” I took a quick glance at her profile, which began “Independent. Sales Secretary. Sass queen.” I led with this:

Over the days that followed, Allee and I messaged constantly via Tinder. We would message each other ‘Good morning!’ every day before work and “Goodnight!’ every night before bed. I explained to Allee that I was unsure what I was looking for, because my previous girlfriend had left me abruptly, after a three year relationship, so she could explore other options in men. Allee told me she had reservations as well, because she’d been taken advantage of many times in the past. Despite my skepticism, there was something inexplicably magnetic about her personality, and I knew I had to at least give it a shot.

We continued to text and eventually made plans for dinner and a movie the following weekend, just before Valentine’s Day. Doing my best to quell my nerves when I arrived at the front door, I knocked and was greeted by a stunning, curvy blonde with a bright smile, kind eyes, and an infectious laugh. We were able to skip most of the formalities and awkwardness, since despite it being our first meeting, I felt like I knew so much about her from texting back and forth in the days prior.

The plan was to hit my preferred sushi joint, but as my luck would have it, the restaurant was closed for a private party. After having a laugh at my expense, we found a suitable substitute and bonded over our love of raw fish and Bradley Cooper films, and I regressed to a high school kid with butterflies in his stomach when she laid her head on my shoulder during the movie. We shared our first kiss that night on her doorstep. We made plans to meet again the following weekend, and went out on an impromptu Valentine’s Day date for Italian food and The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (which we obviously loved).

Allee and I have now been together for more than half a year. We see each other several times a week, and enjoy going to baseball games, eating sushi, and going on hikes around L.A. with Allee’s German Shepard, Hazel. Allee is a thoughtful, selfless, hilarious, and generous woman. She makes me want to be the best version of myself but wouldn’t change a thing about me if you asked her. I often ask myself (and sometimes her too) what I did to deserve this. We’re incredibly happy together, and while no one can predict the future, we are planning to be that way for the foreseeable future.

The moral of the story? You never know unless you swipe (right).

Congratulations to Matt and Allee on finding their match on Tinder.

Do you have an online dating story to share? Send us your story and we might feature YOU in our Cyber Love Story series.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

 

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and is the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and helps them find love on Tinder with SwipingRight.com.  For more dating advice,  sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

How Do You Use Tinder? Julie Spira on KPCC

The article on Vanity Fair about Tinder resulted in a #TinderMeltdown, when the mobile app lashed back out at writer Nancy Jo Sales. The story went viral with thirty-or-so tweets from Tinder defending their position of helping singles also find love online, and not just as a hookup app.

The point is, there’s a little bit of everything going on relationship-wise online and offline.

RELATED: Swipe Regret? There’s Help for Men

From hook-ups to marriage, soul mates to bed mates, there’s a mobile app for you.

As a guest on  AirTalk with Larry Mantle on NPR’s KPCC, we talked about this story, Tinder dating, and heard from a variety of men and women who are using Tinder who shared their experiences.

RELATED: Has the Tinder Hookup Culture Ruined Romance

To listen to the rebroadcast, click here

Do you have a Tinder story to share? Please post your comments here.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and find out how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.

RELATED: Why Tinder and Mobile Apps are So Hot

Has the Tinder Hookup Culture Ruined Romance?

In the September issue of Vanity Fair, Nancy Jo Sales wrote an in -depth piece called, Tinder and the Dawn of “Dating Apocalypse.” It’s an eye-opener and validation of a woman’s worst fear. The guys are swiping right to hook up and it’s all just a game.

In the story, it’s reported that 100 million people are using mobile apps, with about 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day. The numbers are mind-boggling and enormous.

The VF story is really about sex and hookups. Mobile apps just happen to ramp up the numbers in a digital second, and singles in their 20s are buying into the hooking up program, I believe which ruins their chance at romance.

READ: Swipe Regret on Tinder?

We’re living in a virtual world of swiping left and swiping right, with many instantly determining if you’re hot or not. But even if you’re not considered hot, many just keep swiping right, as it’s just a numbers game when it comes to mobile dating. Tinder and other apps provide the tools to hook up and have sex with multiple partners a day, or not.

Many women claim they want romance and a long-term relationship, but they seem to feel that sending photos of their private parts and receiving dick photos is a part of the digital courtship process and join the program.

The problem is, some women are hooking up with hopes to change the mindset of the guy they’ve just slept with. Maybe they’ll think of them as marriage or relationship material, or maybe they’ll be swiping right while you’re putting your clothes back on.

As one who has embraced online dating for over 20 years as an early adopter of Internet dating, and one who coaches and helps singles find serious relationships in the digital age, I have mixed feelings about Tinder. I’m thrilled that it’s given credibility to online and mobile dating and gives you a chance to cast a wider net to find a date or a mate.

If you say you’re using Tinder to your friends, one may ask you why you’re on a hookup app if you’re looking for love. But who isn’t using Tinder? Celebrities such as Hillary Duff, Katy Perry, and Ed Sheeran on Tinder, with Sheeran receiving the first celebrity verified profile on the mobile app. They join the Tinder bandwagon because they’re single and it’s easy to use and is fun. After all, after each swipe, you’re prompted with a message to “Keep playing?”

So we continue to swipe with the hopes of finding a match worthy of introducing to your friends and family, but weeding out those who want to hookup and those who want love is confusing.

We hope there’s truth-in-advertising, but men and women can just say in their profiles that they’re looking for a serious relationship, not serial dating. However those same people could be already in a “committed” relationship, while looking for Plan B when the romance starts to fade and the monotony kicks in. Research from Global WebIndex states that 62% of Tinder users are actually in a relationship. So don’t be surprised if a friend sees your steady-sweetie’s active profile on Tinder.

Read: Why Mobile Dating Apps and Tinder are So Hot

So is romance dead or alive on your mobile phone? According to the Vanity Fair piece, it’s looking grim for 20s in New York who find swiping right to be an efficient and inexpensive way to shag a few girls a day or a week, but I disagree.

I encourage the women who are really looking for a relationship to ignore the “dick pics” and take your time to weed out the creepers who want to choke you within 20 minutes. Think about the approach you took while dating with traditional online dating sites or meeting through friends and combine it with the efficiency of mobile dating apps. Keep your clothes on in your profile photos, state your intentions and swipe left until you find someone worthy of having a chat with. While it’s efficient to find someone IRL in seconds, it doesn’t mean you have to meet someone immediately or rush into casual sex if it’s not your goal.

It takes time to get to know someone, whether you meet in a bar, through friends, or on Tinder. Ask a lot of questions before getting involved. But then again, if you’re in it for a night of fun, it’s a piece of digital cake to accomplish that.

To the Tinderellas out there, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. Xo

Read more to learn how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, and as a Digital Matchmaker she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: Fotolia

Swipe Regret on Tinder? There’s Help for Men

Swipe right, Swipe left. She’s hot, she’s not.

With 10 million matches a day, there are many men that suffer from over-swiping to the point that they think they’ve just swiped left in error on the fresh face that could be their dream girl.

If you’re not a member of Tinder Plus, where you can go back and swipe right to the last profile, we’ve got help for you.

We have a fun service at Cyber-Dating Expert called Swiping Right. With Swiping Right, we manage your expectations, help you have a rocking Tinder profile, and show you tips on how to swipe right without getting into a swiping frenzy and ending up with “Swipe Regret.”

You see we know how addictive Tinder can be. We know that when you post photos of a gorilla as your primary shot, you’re trying to be a funny guy. We know that women can’t imagine being in bed with the hairy gorilla, so you won’t be getting many matches. We know you like to show off that muscle when you’re working out at the gym, but women think you’re showing off and will swipe left.

So when you see the digital girl of your dreams, pause. Look at all of her photos. Read her bio. Take the time to see which friends you have in common and swipe right. There’s no guarantee she’ll swipe right as well, but if she does, make sure your introduction message says anything but, “hey.” After all, women know that horses hang out in hay. Avoid “you’re hot,” even if she’s the hottest and prettiest girl on your mobile phone. It sends the message that you’re looking for a booty call and she’ll probably swipe left.

What should you do if you swipe left in error? Learn to take your time and contact us so we can help you with Swiping Right to find your dream girl on Tinder.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and helps singles find love online through her Irresistible Profiles Programs and teaches men and women how to swipe right for love on Tinder.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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