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Who’s Getting the Most Right Swipes on Tinder?

Tinder Right Swipes 2018
Tinder, the swiping sensation in mobile dating apps has released their list of the top 15 most popular jobs that singles are swiping right to in 2018.

With such a small amount of digital real estate available for your mobile dating app profile, including your job is a must to determine attraction from a potential match.

As reported in Business Insider, the 2018 list includes Registered Nurse for women, and Interior Designer for men on top.

The professions that appeared in both sexes include selection a College/Graduate Student, Founder/Entrepreneur, and a Lawyer.

I’ve often thought that dating a firefighter was a sexy selection, while dating a female masseuse seemed romantic, and Tinder verifies those to be true.

RELATED: Why is my Boyfriend on Tinder?

The full list includes the following:

Women

  1. Registered Nurse
  2. Dentist
  3. Photographer
  4. College/Graduate Student
  5. Pharmacist
  6. Teacher
  7. Flight Attendant
  8. Founder/Entrepreneur
  9. Personal Trainer
  10. Waitress/Bartender
  11. Physical Therapist
  12. Journalist
  13. Makeup Artist
  14. Lawyer
  15. Marketing Manager

RELATED: Tinder Dating Expert on BuzzFeed (Video)

Men

  1. Interior Designer
  2. Pilot
  3. Physician’s Assistant
  4. Lawyer
  5. PR/Communications
  6. Producer
  7. Visual Designer
  8. Model
  9. College/Graduate Student
  10. Engineer
  11. Veterinarian
  12. Teacher
  13. Chiropractor
  14. Firefighter/Paramedic
  15. Founder/Entrepreneur

Is your profession on this list?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of the Internet, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

Photo Credit: Fotolia

Tinder ‘Reactions’ Helps You Let Your Date Know He’s Been Ghosted

Our friends at Tinder have added a new featured called ‘Reactions,’ to let you send your dude an animated gif to get the ball rolling, toss a virtual martini in his face if he’s acting like a d-bag, or give the digital heads up that he’s been ghosted.

Created by the women of Tinder, along with the help of comedian/actress Whitney Cummings, this new feature adds a little fun to the dating process instead of sending back boring texts that just say ‘hey.’ There are 10 animated gifs to choose from and the feature is starting to roll out now.

How it works is, you need to be in a convo with your match. In the in-text feature, next to the gif icon you’ll see a reaction icon. Click on the icon and select the reaction that’s perfect for the mood.

For my favorite topic of ghosting, one of their gifs will help you disappear with advanced notice.

Think he’s worth having a convo with, then here’s how you can let him know to get the ball rolling.

Tinder Reactions Ball GIf

RELATED: Tinder Love Expert Julie Spira on BuzzFeed

Ever think of tossing a drink in his face? With the Martini Reaction you can do so and he’ll get the hint and just might enjoy your humor as well.

Tinder Martini Reaction

If you think he’s really a great guy and he’s making you swoon, let him know by sending a few hearts reaction.

Tinder Reaction Gifs

For more details on the new ‘Reactions’ feature, check out the Tinder Blog and check out this video on how it works.

RELATED: Find out how Swiping Right Can Help You Find Your Dream Date

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online and now on their mobile apps with her IRRESISTIBLE PROFILES programs for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

How to Delete Tinder When You Meet The One

delete tinderDid you Swipe Right on Tinder and meet someone you’d like to date exclusively?

If so, congratulations are in order and you’re not alone.

Tinder reports 10 matches to date and 1.4 billion swipes every day.

Still, we get contacted several times a week when someone thinks their boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on them because his or her Tinder profile is still active. Typically a friend notices it and wonders if there’s trouble in paradise.

RELATED: A LOVE EXPERT HELPED US WITH OUR TINDER PROFILES

Before you start accusing your S.O. that they’ve been sneaking around and before you do something drastic like sneak a peek at their phone, as a Tinder Expert, I need to share with you that there’s a huge DIFFERENCE between REMOVING Tinder off your mobile phone, which is what the majority of people do, and actually DELETING Tinder through their app while it’s still on the phone.

The former will result in your profile still being active for others to see and it sends a message that you’re single and hoping someone will be swiping right in anticipation of a match and to meeting IRL. The latter disables your account and your Tinder profile will no longer be viewed by others who are swiping and matching.

Got it? So here’s how to fix it.

How to Delete Tinder

  1. If you’ve already taken Tinder off your mobile phone, download the app again and sign in.
  2. Once you’re signed in, on the top left side, click on the icon to view your profile
  3. Once your profile is on the screen, click on the grey gear symbol in the middle of the screen.
  4. This brings you to a “Settings” page. Scroll to the bottom of the page, where you will see the option to “Logout” or “Delete Account.” Select Delete Account.
  5. You will receive a message that says, “Account successfully deleted.”

RELATED: HELP I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND ON TINDER

If you’ve met someone you really like, give it a chance to see where it goes. If you ever break up, you an always create a new Tinder account in just a few minutes.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and mobile dating expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years and on mobile apps like Tinder since their launch. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Find out how our Swiping Right program will help you have the most rocking Tinder profile to fill your date card.

 

Tinder Tales on The Tomorrow Show

Tomorrow ShowIf you missed our live stream on The Tomorrow Show with Kevin Undergaro on AfterBuzz TV, we tackled the subject of how difficult it can be while dating, using mobile dating apps, and finding a meaningful relationship.

In this segment, we were joined by several single daters with stories that will have you ROTFL.

I chimed in on what the daters were doing wrong and critiqued some online and mobile dating profiles.

Without further digital ado, and before swiping left or swiping right on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or more, watch our segment below for lessons and laughter of #TinderTales.

The dating segment starts at 1:07 below.

Spoiler alert: The best story was saved for last.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 2 decades. Julie’s Swiping Right program helps singles make the most of their Tinder profiles, regardless of their dating goals.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

Eddie V Recap – Online Dating Stories

WCKG Eddie V ShowIn a recent interview on Chicago’s WCKG Radio, I was a guest with Eddie V to talk about online dating, ghosting,  and finding love in the digital age.

You can listen to the segment here or read the transcript below.

Eddie V: Well welcome to the show!

Julie: Hi, great to be here.

Eddie V: Thank you for joining us. Julie is an expert on online dating. You have websites and blogs and everything else, is that right?

Julie: And all that good stuff, yes. CyberDatingExpert.com is where people can get free dating advice and also sign up for my Weekly Flirt if they need more dating advice.

Eddie V: CyberDatingExpert.com. And I follow you on Twitter at @JulieSpira. Spelled S-P-I-R-A, but it’s pronounced “Spy-ruh.” I you say “Spear-uh” she’ll send 6 billion volts down the line and blow up your computer.

Julie: Oh, ouch!

Eddie V: No, you wouldn’t do that. So we’re glad to have you on, you and I talked on a podcast once before. People are overwhelmingly dating online and meeting and hooking up ’cause it’s easy and modern way of doing things. It comes with perils and pratfalls and whatever else. Is that not right?

Julie: You know there are some good dates, there are some bad dates, but more often than not, people get frustrated with that one- and-done dating. And they go on that one bad date and they’re like “maybe I don’t want to do this again,” but after a while, they’ll fill up their date cards and go out and I think it’s a fun way to meet people as long as you don’t look at each date as having to be “the one.” That’s way too much pressure.

Eddie V: Well a lot of people are frustrated, but their expectations are too high, right?

Julie: Everyone’s expectations are high, but the same point, we really need to practice truth-in-advertising. So if you have an online dating profile, please ditch those old prom shots. If you don’t look like the girl in the photo or if you’ve gained weight or your hair is gray in one photo and brown in another – show somebody what you look like today because guess what? They’re going to hop over to Facebook and Instagram and see what you look like in real time. So just be authentic so that you don’t have a bad dating experience.

Eddie V: I have never understood that – why somebody would put up a picture that’s not representative, knowing that they’re going to see this person. You know, they’re going to walk in and the chances are, if you don’t resemble that picture, they may just turn and bolt before they even get to the table.

Julie: Very true, and you don’t want to see that frown on their face. So the point is, I remember talking to one gentleman who was very excited about a woman he met who only had a close up head and shoulders shot, and he was new to dating so he didn’t realize that you need to have that full length body shot. He went to pick her up at the airport and she was at least 100 pounds more than what he thought, and it wasn’t a good experience. Other people actually walk out on their dates, so don’t be the one that someone walks out on.

Eddie V: I hate when people misrepresent. For instance, as a billionaire, I was flying my private jet and I had to take a cab to get to the restaurant and this woman didn’t believe me at all! I’m actually married. I’ve been married since before the cyber dating thing kicked in, so I’m not a real expert here, let’s talk about the horror stories – things that you’ve heard that have gone really wrong on some of these set up dates.

Julie: Well this is really interesting. It was just in the Sunday paper. The Times Free Press had a story that I was quoted in and there was a case where a woman on a very first date, a first online date, asked the guy to escort her to her grandmother’s funeral. And to make matters worse, she asked him to pretend to be a long time boyfriend so she wasn’t showing up with a date that nobody knew, so she wanted to pretend that they’d been dating a while. They never got to a second date.

Eddie V: That’s like the uh, there’s an Enterprise Rent a Car commercial like that where she asks the Enterprise guy to pretend to be her date. What else has happened? I know there’s awful stories that end with not funny endings.

Julie: Well, safety is important and everyone wants to feel safe, both online and offline, so I always recommend that singles meet in a public place and have a buddy and tell your girl friend or guys you hang out with the name of the person you’re meeting, their cellphone number, their Instagram name and name on any one of the websites you were on, and where you’re going. This way you can check in with them – take a bathroom break and let them know that you’re doing okay.

Eddie V: Yeah, I have divorced friends that are bouncing around and meeting up with these people and they’re not very happy. How would you say the percentage of guys on any given dating site are looking for one night stands but pretend to be looking for the right one? Is it high?

Julie: A LOT. But here’s the thing, online dating has grown so much in popularity. A recent PEW Internet Research Study showed that actually a demographic of 18-24 year olds, that went up by 400% in the last two years. So we are probably getting more millennials that are hooking up and ghosting and people that are looking for a more serious committed relationship, that perhaps just got divorced and are looking for somebody to share their life with.

Eddie V: Ah, ghosting. That’s the thing we’ve been talking about. We’ll get to that in just a little bit. What are the top sites, would you say, that people hook up on these days?

Related: Why You Won’t Delete Tinder When You’ve Found The One

Julie: Well everybody’s talking about Tinder, swiping right, or dating in a Tinder world. So Tinder has really become a huge, huge mobile dating app because it originally started and got popular on college campuses. The original people that were members of Tinder swiping right and left were millennials. Even my mother says, “What’s Tinder?” My mother’s not single, but she still asked me what Tinder was and I don’t think my mother wants to date as a grandma. So I would say that people that want to hook up, please do us a favor and say so on your profile. Go on a mobile app and say you’re not looking for anything serious, just looking for something casual or be really blunt and say “looking for a hookup” because there are women that want to hook up as well. Go ahead and find each other, but don’t pretend that you want to be Prince Charming or the knight in white armor, then basically come in at the end of the date and say let’s hook up. If that’s not what you want, just let somebody else swipe right on that particular profile.

Eddie V: This is very basic, but for people that don’t know, explain “swipe right” and “swipe left.”

Julie: I most certainly will. So what’s happens on mobile phones, whether you’re using it for dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, or even Match.com’s app or OKCupid, a lot of them give you the opportunity to look at a profile. When you look at a photo of someone, you can click on it and read their bio, or you can just swipe right with your thumb – and that means “Yes, I’m interested” – or you swipe left, and that sends the message that “No, I’m not interested.” And if you swipe left, they go into Internet Heaven and they disappear permanently.

Eddie V: So it’s like blocking them if you swipe left.

Julie: If you swipe left they go away, and you have to be a mutual match – you both need to swipe right – before you can start a conversation or a chat.

Related: Bumble Now Makes Men Reply or Match Disappears

Eddie: Okay. I follow a certain account on Instagram that is one of those “Bye Felipe” things where these guys continue to bug women. So maybe they’ve had one date then they keep coming after them like “you weren’t so hot anyway,” is that from Tinder or is that not? If I wasn’t interested, I’d definitely swipe left and obliterate the person.

Julie: It’s really interesting, there’s stories of people who swipe left on someone because they weren’t interested and then the person tracked them down somehow on Facebook and said “You didn’t swipe right on me on Tinder. Why?” There are so many ways that you can actually connect with someone, between texting and Tinder, and Facebook and Snapchat, social media, and of course, WhatsApp, there’s so many ways to check up on someone to see if they’re swiping right or left, or even the last time they logged on.

Eddie V: So would it maybe be a good idea to just have a first name and a last letter or something and not use the same picture for Tinder as you do on Facebook?

Julie: Well the way Tinder works, is it DOES give a first name and a last initial, so I would be displayed as Julie S. if I was on Tinder. So you don’t know my last name, but if you look at the profile they will show you which friends on Facebook you have in common. As a result, you can become a cyber sleuth to be polite, or you can become a cyber stalker and go “We have that friend in common” and going to my friend’s page and seeing if there’s a girl named Julie, and boom there she is. I’m going to track her down. Guys, don’t do it. We want to feel safe.

Eddie V: So what is Bumble? I haven’t heard of that, but like I said, I’m not in this scene. What’s the difference between Tinder and Bumble?

Julie: I love Bumble! Bumble is really a lot of fun. The way Bumble works, and it’s very similar to Tinder, where you can swipe right if you’re interested and swipe left if you’re not. But they have an interesting twist to it. I call it the Sadie Hawkins of digital dating – the woman makes the first move. So if I’m on Bumble and you look great, I swipe right, and you cannot even find out about me until I’ve already approved you. And this gives women some sort of control, and guys like it as well. And the reason guys like it is because they’re so tired of swiping right on basically everyone, it’s a numbers game, and having nobody reply to them. So if a woman swipes right on someone on Bumble, then the man is notified. He already knows there’s a really good chance that if he writes to her, she will write back. So that’s a great thing about Bumble. One feature they have is that you can shake your phone to go back. What happens if you swipe left by mistake? You shake your phone and boom! you get that match back.

Eddie V: Oh, okay. And some people might say that’s sexist, but let’s face it, men tend to be the aggressors and the stalkers. And it works both ways, but men tend to be more gnarly when they come after you, so I like that. I like the option that the women have with Bumble. Alright, well we want to talk about ghosting. Can you hang on through the break here? People are going to love this because it’s happening everywhere and it’s happened to a bunch of our listeners. It’s Julie Spira from CyberDatingExpert.com and she’s on Facebook as Julie Spira, and @JulieSpira on Twitter. Am I right about that?

Julie: That’s right!

Eddie V: Alright, we’ll be right back. It’s Eddie V on WCGK. We’ll have more in a second.

(break)

Eddie V: We’re live in LA talking to Julie Spira. She has relatives in, did you say, Highland Park?

Julie: Yes, Highland Park.

Eddie V: I can see Highland Park from my window!

Julie: Wave hello to my cousins.

Eddie V: She’s the online cyber dating expert. CyberDatingExpert.com, and you have a book out! Just released is that right?

Julie: Yes! We recently re-released The Perils of Cyber Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and it’s filled with my juicy stories about my romantic journey of trying to replace the love of my life with an Internet mate.

Eddie V: Did you meet your boyfriend online?

Julie: Well, the love of my life, actually, I met him offline. But after 16 years apart, he found me on Facebook and came back for me. And that’s part of the epilogue and it’s a very, very sweet story for any hopeful romantic. There’s an audiobook version. We went into the studio and we had a great time in the studio recording it for Audible. It’s on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and in bookstores.

Eddie: And what is it called again?

Julie: The Perils of Cyber Dating!

Eddie: Alright! We’ll look for it. So let’s talk about ghosting. Tell people what ghosting is.

Related: Confused: Is he Ghosting?

Julie: Ouch, okay. I’m sure many of you have been ghosted, maybe you didn’t even know that’s what it’s called. But when it’s time to call it quits these days, daters are disappearing – they’re just going MIA. You may have been in bed with them last night, and then they went completely off the radar, no text, block you on Facebook, and they just completely disappear. So what’s happening is breaking up isn’t hard to do anymore. A person just disappears digitally and they find it to be acceptable. And I don’t.

Eddie: Well here’s the thing, they used to say how horrible it was back in the day of breaking up by phone, but nowadays, yeah, ghosting is just where you flat out vanish. And if they’ve not been to your house, say you’ve only met them for a date somewhere, social media allows you to delete, block, even today’s modern cell phones you can block their calls. You can stop them from ever contacting you again, and basically, you become a ghost.

Julie: Ghosting has become a cultural phenomenon and a dating epidemic. These days, being ghosted is today’s dating world’s vanishing act. And you never know why. So the person who’s gotten ghosted, they don’t have closure and they’re wondering “Did I say something wrong?” “Did I appear too needy?” “Did I ask for commitment to fast?” “Did I sleep with him too fast?” And they sit there and they agonize over why the person disappeared and ghosted them.

Eddie V: And online it’s just a complete and utter lack of backbone that guys have, right?

Julie: Yeah, it’s really not a good thing to do. Here are some interesting tidbits – PlentyOfFish, very big, large free dating site that’s been around for a while, did a survey that came out about two months ago that showed that 80% of millennials between the ages of 18 to 33 have been ghosted. Which means they were dating somebody and all the communications just completely disappeared, no explanation.

Eddie V: Wow, what was that percentage? 80%?

Julie: Almost 80% of the millennials 18 to 33 have been ghosted or have ghosted someone. Those are big numbers.

Eddie V: Part of it is that they’ve been raised in social media times. That’s how you communicate, there’s not a lot of face to face. I’m a teacher at Illinois media school and you’ll occasionally find a few students that have been raised in front of their computer that are like geniuses, but they can’t hold a conversation face to face with you. There’s a lot of that going around.

Julie: You see it whenever you go to restaurants and families don’t talk to each other because they’re all talking on the phone. But I read something in the news about a fiancé who ghosted the bride two weeks before the wedding.

Eddie V: She had to know where he lived right?

Julie: He later resurfaced in Thailand.

Eddie V: Ohhhh, so he flat out moved!

Julie: He flat out left. Other country, other passport, who knows? But at the end of the day, this girl thought she was walking down the aisle, and he didn’t have the courage to break up with her in person. Not even in an email.

Eddie V: That’s just loss of human dignities, skills, and decency at this point. I mean, come on. That’s society decaying.

Julie: And it’s not just for everyday people. Ghosting’s been in the news for celebrities. Charlize Theron said she never ghosted Sean Penn, it became a big news story. Olivia Wilde said that she actually ghosted Jason Sudeikis after they first met. Everybody’s ghosting, but it’s not right.

Eddie V: No, it’s not. I don’t understand. Let me ask you about specific kinds of dating sites. Is that a good thing? SerialKiller.com – alright that’s a bad example. (to co-host) What did you call the one? Farmers?

Co-host: Farmers Only.

Julie: FarmersOnly.com – if you want to date a farmer, that’s where you go.

Eddie V: JDate is for Jewish people. Can you think of some other ones?

Julie: Christian Mingle. It’s also owned by the same people that own JDate. You’ve got OKCupid, one of my favorite sites that I really enjoy recommending. Match.com – it’s been around a long time.

Eddie V: Is OKCupid a specific kind of thing, or what?

Julie: No, OKCupid is a free site and it’s very, very simple to use. They also have a mobile app and it’s very easy to create a profile, it’s very simple, and start dating and communicating with people. But the interesting thing with OKCupid is if the date goes south, you have the opportunity to block the person where they can’t actually view your profile.

Eddie V: Kind of a form of ghosting ha ha.

Julie: It’s like saying “I wasn’t interested.”

Eddie V: Yeah, I guess. It’s still kind of taking the easy way out instead of telling them “You know what, I had a good time, but I just didn’t think this was working out.” What are some other specific ones?

Co-host: Black People Meet.

Eddie V: Black People Meet? Oh, okay.

Julie: We call these niche sites – those that are based on race or religion or farming or vegetarian sites or sites for pet lovers. There’s basically a site for just about everyone, and you just need to find the right site for you. So my number one recommendation is to try three sites. One large one like eHarmony, Match.com or PlentyOfFish, or try a niche site and see which one you actually connect with people or that you enjoy using the most.

14 Niche and Nutty Dating Sites

Eddie V: People might laugh about something like vegetarian or whatever, but it would make your going out to dinner choices a lot easier. There’s nothing worse than, like, “I’m going to take you to a nice steak place.” “I don’t eat meat.”

Julie: “Oops, sorry, I’m a vegan.” You don’t want to have those problems, you want to find something in common. And for someone who is a vegan, dating another vegan because they like to cook together and dine together, is really important. So you put it in your profile anywhere on a regular, mainstream site, such as Match.com, eHarmony or PlentyOfFish, and you also join a site that is specific for vegans.

Eddie V: Are there any sites that are specifically for hookups? Probably Craigslist!

Julie: I don’t recommend hookups. You won’t hear those words out of my mouth.

Eddie V: Yeah, no. Hey, by the way, before we get out, I want a couple more horror stories. For people that have had a bad experience, I want them to think that theirs couldn’t possibly be the worst once they hear yours.

Julie: Well, some of the stories that I shared in my book – there was one that was really kind of disturbing. I went on a date with someone, a long time ago, and we went to a lovely café and all of the sudden, he looked at me oddly and said very, very calmly, at first, “You look like my dead wife.” I didn’t know what to say. And I just kind of went “Oh, I’m sorry.” He didn’t stop. He kept saying “No, you look like my dead wife!” And then he started to get agitated, he must’ve yelled it. He stood up in the restaurant and said “She looks like my dead wife!” And he pulls out a picture of his recently deceased wife, and she did sort of look like she could’ve been my sister, but it was really an embarrassing moment.

Eddie V: Oh, this happened to you? Oh, man.

Julie: Me, it’s in the book.

Eddie V: Oh, wow.

Julie: He’s in the chapter called “The New York Transplant.”

Eddie V: Alright, it’s available – one more time, the name of the book is…?

Julie: The Perils of Cyber Dating.

Eddie V: The Perils of Cyber Dating. She’s Julie Spira and she’s on CyberDatingExpert.com and hopefully on the show again a lot of times ’cause you never know if these guys are gonna break up with these long term girlfriends now that they’re big radio stars.

Julie: Thanks for having me. It’s been a blast.

Eddie V: Alright, Julie, thank you very much. I’ll send you the link this whole thing so we can repost it ’cause that’s what we do. Julie Spira on WCGK.

Listen to the link here:

Need some hand holding? Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

Why You Won’t Delete Tinder When You Find “The One”

via GIPHY

So you’ve met ‘the one,’ but you’ve got a digital love triangle going on. It’s called Tinder on one side and you’re steady sweetheart on the other. You know in your heart the one who falls asleep in your arms every night is the one who ranks higher on the totem pole. You know you need to delete Tinder and are no longer looking for options. Why is it so difficult? As a Tinder dating expert, I get asked this question all of the time.

Here are 7 reasons why you want to stay attached to Tinder, when you’re in a committed relationship.

1. FOMO – Sure you know she’s the one and you’ve had the talk, have drawers in each other’s homes, but somehow you think you might suffer from the “fear of missing out” if someone attractive matches with you. You may wonder what if she’s just a bit hotter, sweeter, or what happens if my SO dumps me?

2. You Need an Ego Boost – Just having that high of seeing “it’s a match” and knowing someone swiped right on you makes you feel like you’re still a desirable guy. Even if you have no intentions of writing back, it’s like a digital drug and weaning off can be difficult for many. Just knowing someone else is interested boosts your self esteem, even at the risk of losing the one you’d regret getting away.

Related: Help! She Found Her Boyfriend on Tinder

3. It’s a Game – There’s a reason why after you swipe right or left, you get a message that says, “Keep Playing?” Tinder is a game-like app. It’s today’s version of “hot or not” and people play games to win.

4. You want to see if you’ve been Super Liked – Let’s face it. It’s a popularity contest based on limited attraction of a photo with no knowledge at first of someone’s voice or personality. You open up the app and start swiping and BAM one potential date has super liked you. This means she thinks you’re hot. This means she will reply if you write to her. This makes you feel good temporarily.

6. It’s a Habit – I get it. You’re on the bus or subway and may be bored. You might be lying in bed alone at home. You open up Tinder and it’s entertainment until you arrive at your destination, or fall asleep. Habits are hard to break, especially when the ego is involved.

7. You’re Wired to Be a Hunter – While looking at pretty women offline walking by is something men of various relationship statuses have been doing for years, the number of attractive women or men you can find on Tinder is enormous. We’re talking over 50 million. It’s the largest digital playground, so chase you will, and swipe right you will, until you realize that you’d be hurting your SO big time when a friend tips her off that you’re still on Tinder.

Know one thing for sure. If you’re in an exclusive relationship and you don’t want to blow it, you delete Tinder. This doesn’t mean taking the mobile app off your phone, this means logging in and deactivating the account. There’s a big difference between the two.

Related: How to Delete Your Tinder Account

Deleting Tinder from your phone keeps your account active and your girlfriend’s girlfriends will see you as a potential match on a dating app. This isn’t Facebook, although there are a lot of folks in relationships dabbling on Tinder. This is where you go to say, “Hey, I’m available.” So if you don’t want an eruption in your love life and don’t want to post “It’s Complicated” on Facebook, take down your Tinder profile, withdraw for a few days or a week, and then look at the amazing person you’re in love with and realize it’s time for a chapter without Tinder.

Are you still active on Tinder or mobile dating apps, even though you’re in a committed relationship? Share your reasons in the comments as to why.

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades. Find out how Irresistible Profiles and Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.

Read our bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Oh No! She Found Her Boyfriend on Tinder

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowHi Julie,

My name is Stephanie and back in December I met this guy on Tinder. We began talking and instantly hit it off. I had been away in another state so we couldn’t meet up right away so we continued to talk and FaceTime for about a month until meeting. I really liked him and was hoping that when we met it would lead to something real.

We met and the first date was pretty fun. It ended with a kiss. We continued to talk and hung out the week after. The 3rd date had come along and the day before we had had been texting and playing a word game. We sent each other words and we had to make up sentences from them. It was fun and flirty. He gave me the word “official” and I assumed and knew exactly what he wanted me to do with that word. I phrased it as a question and said, “will Stephanie and blank ever be official?”

He said that if we weren’t playing a game he would answer it which he did the next day when we met up. He asked if I wanted it to be official and I said yes. So fast forward about 2 and a half months and we are still together. The problem is that now our first issue has just come up. Recently I thought I had been seeing Tinder notifications on his phone. I didn’t confront him at first, which I should’ve done, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions because I wasn’t really sure what I had seen.

Related: Boyfriend is on Tinder – Should We Break Up

Since it was heavy on my mind I decided to make a fake profile myself and search through Tinder. I found his profile and was instantly disappointed. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for one second because I was convinced he forgot to delete it because he had mentioned forgetting to about two months prior.

What made me not give him that benefit was that there were two very recent pictures on his profile. I couldn’t believe he was using it behind my back. I was going to wait to bring it up when I saw him but I got so upset and I had to call him. I asked him and he said he just forgot to delete it. but his responses didn’t seem so honest. I asked him why the two recent pictures were on there he said because it’s connected to Facebook and he had put those photos on Facebook recently.

Since I myself had used Tinder before I remembered that Tinder does not just update your profile like that when you post pictures to Facebook. I couldn’t believe him because his responses were so vague. I asked him to screenshot his matches and he seemed very hesitant and said he had already deleted the app.

Related: How to Delete Your Profile on Tinder

We’ve been arguing non stop and nothing he says I can believe. Even if he wasn’t using it I feel that because he hasn’t reassured me how he feels about our relationship enough to a point that I feel secure, I cannot bring myself to trust him. I told him I don’t feel his feelings are genuine and he proceeded by saying he doesn’t believe mine are either since he was the first on to say “I love you.”

I now feel like he is resenting me for this and is lying about using Tinder. I asked him if he is keeping any other feelings inside and he said no. At this point I don’t know if he is manipulating me so he can distract me from his lies or is truly keeping so much in that he tried to find someone else behind my back.

I just want to know is this relationship worth it? Should I stay and learn how to trust him? Is he playing me because I didn’t confront him in person so he was able to delete everything before I saw? He has told me that my assumptions won’t let me believe him. I said I can’t trust him now. If it’s truly him keeping things in, how do I get him to be honest in the future and let him know that I won’t judge him if he just tells me how he feels?

I really want to be with him but. should I really do all this work to try and figure him out so he can be open, even though he is claiming not to be lying or keeping anything in. I was told to get him comfortable so his guard is down and he will then be honest with me. How do I do this?

The help would surely be appreciated. Thank you so much.

Julie’s reply:

Wow Stephanie!

I’m exhausted reading your email to me and I’m sure you’ve had a lot of sleepless nights. I’m sorry to hear this. I always say, seek and ye shall find.

Let’s start with number 1. You can’t manipulate him.

You can’t make him do anything, period. This isn’t about manipulation, catching him with his guard down to have a convo about his real feelings, or finding the magic wand to make you trust him after busting him with his active Tinder profile.

Number 2.  You saw his Tinder notifications.

It wasn’t just a hunch or the secret profile you created to confirm what you already saw. He has an active profile on Tinder. People join Tinder to date or to look for options.  Sure he could have been digital window shopping, but once you caught him, he had to come up with stories as to why it was there. It was there because he was curious or he isn’t committed to being official with anyone.

I know this hurts and you aren’t the only one this is happening to. I get emails every week from women and men who have found out their boyfriends or girlfriends are on Tinder or dating sites. If he was committed, he wouldn’t have had the app on his phone and been an active user.

Related: Dating Exclusively With an Active Profile Online

Number 3. You created a fake profile to bust him.

You say you can’t trust him, but can he trust you? Trust is huge. It’s everything in a relationship. It takes time to build and a split second to lose. At this point, your short relationship is in jeopardy. Why should he be worried that you’ll be staring at his phone or will continue to create fake profiles to see if he’s there or not. A woman’s intuition is powerful. You knew right away something wasn’t right. Creating the fake profile didn’t make your relationship stronger, it just turned you into a detective because you were hurt.

Number 4. Is this relationship worth this?

This question you ask isn’t easy to answer. I’ve never met your or your boyfriend. In all honesty, the damage is done.  You are saying you don’t believe him. He is creating stories to get out of the mess he’s in and you’re fighting all the time. This relationship had a great beginning, but all good relationships start out with a 3-month perfect phase. It’s what happens between months 3-6 and then 6-9 and then the year mark to determine if you have a relationship that can go the distance.

Related: How to Catch Your Cheating Boyfriend or Girlfriend on Tinder

If he wants to be on Tinder, just let him do so. Then create a REAL profile instead of a fake profile and start dating. You might just find someone you connect with more than this guy who’s been put on the “guilty until proven innocent” list.

Both of you aren’t perfect. So my best advice is to go ahead and date others. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other and push notifications from dating apps won’t ever be an issue again.

I’m sorry you’re hurting, but this is the dating process. You date and time will tell whether you have a relationship worth fighting for.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

xo

Julie

Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years and helping them on Swiping Right on their mobile phones. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

This Strategy Ups Your Tinder Game

Here’s a little secret that’s been used over 20 million times by Tinder users to increase their responses by from their match.

Send a GIF (animated video) in your message. We’re sharing 20 of Tinder’s top GIFS with you in case you’re not sure which ones to use.

When Tinder, introduced their GIF button earlier this year to allow users to search through the Giphy database to send a GIF to their match, the impact on getting a response increased by 30%! Plus, using a GIF when communicating with your matches on Tinder means your conversation can last twice as long. After all, your potential date will want o know how you did that or might even ask if you created it on your own. It’s a great ice-breaker.

Think about it. You’re swiping and matching, but then the match either fizzles out, or you don’t hear back from him or her. As a Tinder dating expert, I know there’s a strategy to help you stand out so you can meet your match IRL.

Welcome to the world of Tinder, where many connect and others just sit and wonder why it’s not working for them.

If you’ve spent time on an online dating site such as eHarmony or on a mobile app such as Tinder or Bumble, you’ve probably experienced the awkward moment of not knowing what to say to your digital crush after you’ve matched with them.

Related: Tinder Update Ignites Gifs and New Flirting Features

Tinder co-founder and vice president of product, Jonathan Badeen, told Buzzfeed that “GIFs allow people to better say what they want and express emotion, which is something that’s really difficult to do in text alone.”

Badeen said another benefit is that “It opens up people to start more conversations and to break the ice,” and he couldn’t be more right.

Here’s the top 20 GIFs used on Tinder that will help make that first interaction with your Tinder love a little less awkward and give you something more to say than “hey.”

 

We know the default message is “hey” or “hi.” Wouldn’t it be more fun if your match received this gif instead? We think so.

Who wouldn’t love a heart shaped pizza? It says like, or love, and pizza is a universal language.

This GIF screams flirt, big time. Toss that hair and look aside. He’ll want to reply to this one.

Like “hey,” “How you doing” can get a better reaction than just typing the words.

Can you say, “wow!” Let’s schedule a date on the date card, now!

How flattering! There’s something sexy about a woman wearing glasses. Taking them off to view you? Yes, she’ll get a reply.

What a fun way to say hello. Pets can warm anyone’s heart, especially this cute one jumping out of the pool to say hello to you!

Ding dong. Happy holidays! Here’s a balloon bouquet just for you!

It’s the oldest line in the book and if written in text form, just might get deleted. However it screams charming in this GIF.

Don’t say no, when you can say YES! Plus the exclamation point gives it a double whammy.

Normally we don’t recommend hiding behind shades, but these perfectly manicured nails waiving hello to you is worth a reply.

Bat those eyelashes for a guaranteed reply to your message.

A drinking contest? Maybe not, but it’s sure funny and size is important, right?

Hello cowboy and let’s tip a hat for a reply. Yes!

It’s not just the ladies who should be batting the eyelashes. That sweet smile deserves a reply.

Blow him a kiss for a fast and flirty reply.

How proper and sweet. Ok, it’s a bit goofy, but that will get her attention.

Can someone save me? Maybe save me from the other guys on Tinder?

If you wave hello and look like you want to cuddle, your Tinder match just might reply to claim his or her hug.

Wishing you much love and joy on Tinder, or wherever you may roam. xo.

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, newly released with a magical epilogue and a fairy tale ending.

Sign up for the Free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

From Beards to Vegans, There’s a Dating App for You

With millions of daters using mobile dating apps and thousands to pick from, how do you know which site is best for you?

7 On Your Side Screenshot copy

In a recent interview on 7 On Your Side: Can You Find Love Through an App on ABC TV’s KGO in San Francisco, we talked about a few dating apps to help you find love this year.

From Happn to Bristlr, Wingman to Salad Match, there are mobile apps outside of Tinder for you to swipe right and left on.

Watch the full interview on ABC 7.

In this interview, one Bay Area couple using Happn, while riding on the BART train, were notified they were in the same proximity. The couple connected and is a mobile dating success story.

If it wasn’t for the Happn app, they would  have never met, ever. Now the couple has been together for six months.

Happn is one of the thousands of dating apps in iOs and Google Play that help you find a match.

Dating author Julie Spira says some apps are off the charts. Sizzl connects only singles who love bacon and you can decide what pork type you’re really interested in.

“There’s this sort of mystique and magical feel about connecting to someone who has a similar lifestyle to you.”

Other apps mentioned include Twindog, which matches dogs and their owners, and  Wingman, which connects airline passengers who will be traveling on the same flight. Salad Match sets up salad lovers for a salad lunch. And then there’s Bristlr, where you can basically rub faces with someone who has a beard, if that’s your fancy.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.  For dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.