Love vs. Trump: Is Politics Polarizing Relationships?

Love Vs. Trump: Politics Polarizing Relationships

It’s been one-year since Donald Trump took office, and singles are still dealing with the big political elephant in the room, our commander-in-chief and his tweets.

During the election, and in the aftermath since Trump became president, talking about politics has become critical when dating someone new, and to those within their existing relationships.

I recently wrote an essay, Can Love Survive Trump, where I revealed my big confession on how I struggled in my relationship with my long-term love. He had strong and vocal opposing views from mine when it came to politics.

As a dating coach, I believe I provide good dating advice on how to navigate the singles scene, even with politically opposite views. I also really believe in having a good debate. While coaching others on how to talk about politics on a date, I found I didn’t take my advice and kept silent about my complicated relationship status. I now feel liberated, and continue to coach and write about the great political divide.

Politics has become so divisive in dating, that conversations that start at the breakfast table end up on opposite sides in the bedroom. They often no longer include, “Sweet dreams” and a hug.

When one person walks in the Women’s March wearing a pink hat, and the other is jumping for joy about the new tax reform, it’s clear that talking about differing political views need to happen on the first date, if not sooner.

Dating Sites Weigh In

In a Match Singles in America study, they showed that talking about politics on a first date will result in a 91% chance of putting the second one on the calendar.

OkCupid found that 50% of its users won’t date someone with opposing political views. The site also found that users mentioning political words in their profiles increased by more than 1000% from 2015 to 2017.

OkCupid Trump

The site, known for asking provocative questions, has 19 questions about politics. “Trump?” received the most answers, with 74% responding “hell no” and only 4% answering “hell yes.” The most answered question was “Should guns be allowed in schools?” The most polarizing question is, “Did Russia hack the last US election?”

Mobile dating app profiles now include political terms, or instructions to “swipe left if you vote for Trump,” or “swipe right if you think Trump’s making America great again.”

Tinder Politics Dating Deal Breakers

Tinder states that 71% of their users won’t date a Trump supporter. Their Modern Dating Myths, released in April of 2017 showed, “Opposing political views were getting more left swipes.” Nine out of 10 of my dating coaching clients said that having similar political views with their dates are important to them.

Coffee Meets Bagel tells me their poll of 1320 members showed that the majority, 70%, who are Democrats said politics was impacting their dating lives, as compared to 43% of Republican singles.

Plenty of Fish conducted several surveys on politics and dating in 2016 and 2016 and offered some promising news.

POF found while the current political climate is tense, it’s starting to lighten up. They found that less than 1% of singles used the terms “Trump” or “Republican” or “Democrat” in their profiles. They also said that 90% of people had not broken up with someone over political views or party affiliation since the election and recommended not talking about politics on a first date.

Experts Weigh in on Trump and Politics

I spoke with Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and Chief Science Officer at Match, who said, “If singles feel very strongly about their political views, they should add it to their profiles.”

CNN Political Contributor and KABC Radio co-host John Phillips agrees with Fisher. “If both people are passionate and care about politics a great deal, it could be a problem,” said Fisher. “But then the relationship is probably doomed anyway.”

Dr. Fisher’s research indicates that people gravitate towards people who share their values. “For couples who are polar opposite politically, they just have to agree to disagree and find a way to respect each other,” Fisher said.

“People are going to stay strong in their positions because we aren’t talking about how you butter your toast,” said Fisher. “Things with the Dreamers and the immigrants is real and taps into basic values.”

Deal breakers for singles used to include height, smoking, and religion. They’ve been replaced with politics as a top deal breaker, with singles feeling more comfortable dating someone with same political views.

Phillips, who identifies as Republican, tells me that politics is more critical than ever in today’s dating world. “It’s more important than it used to be because the news has essentially become one endless talk show about politics,” said Phillips.

He believes politically charged opposite couples can co-exist in Trump’s America. “If Dodger fans can date Giants fans without the relationship ending in a 911 call, Trump and Clinton supporters can co-exist without domestic violence,” Phillips said.

Are we heading to a point where we can agree to disagree over an appetizer and enjoy crème brûlée for dessert? I sure hope so.

“There used to be water cooler topics. Now there’s one water cooler topic: politics,” adds Phillips.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years with the Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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14 Ways to Date and Flirt on Instagram

Instagram heart

Are you flirting up a storm on Instagram?

Do you think finding love online means only swiping right on Tinder, Bumble or mobile apps?

Is your online dating profile a bit stale and your inbox on the empty side?

As a dating coach, I”m here to teach you how to flirt and find a date on social media, especially on Instagram.

1. Make sure your Instagram profile is public so people can follow you.

You’d be surprised how gun-shy some singles are about Instagram. They may post the most adorable selfies, but have their settings set to private, so unless you’re already connected as friends, you won’t be able to view or like their posts. If you’re single, toss out that fear of being in the public eye. It’s time to make your profile private and become strategic about what you post and who you decide to follow.

2. State in your bio that you’re single.

Being single isn’t a disease. It’s just the relationship status you have at the moment. Often there’s a digital crush who might think you’re taken, even if he or she sees a photo in the arms of your favorite cousin. By stating you’re single, you’ve just opened the love floodgates to millions of potential dates. Get ready for the ride!

3. Follow back interesting people you think you’d like to date or at least be friends with.

If your follower count is starting to rise, don’t just look at the number. Instead look at who your latest follower is and if they seem interesting at all, follow them back. If they start posting creepy updates, you can always unfollow, or even block them if necessary.

4. Start “liking” their posts, slowly, so you won’t appear like a stalker.

Some singles like to use social media sites in a voyeuristic way. You peek, but you don’t click the like button. You never comment. You don’t even post, but you’re busy watching your followers’ feeds. It’s time to ramp up the flirting and take the digital plunge. Start slowly by liking someone’s posts, but don’t instantly like EVERYTHING this new crush posts or you may come across as needy, creepy, or even as a stalker!

5. Like your crush’s selfies.

Instagram is the perfect home for dating in a selfie world. The reason people post selfies is, well, because they want others to “like” or comment on how great they look or how cool they are. If your crush is looking for attention, don’t be shy. It’s time to click the like button, so you can show up in their feed and get on their digital radar.

6. Post to Instagram Stories

It’s no secret that the ‘Stories’ features which appear at the top of your Instagram feed get the most action. Caption your photos, add a video for more engagement and you’ll rank higher on the dating totem pole than solely posting updates.

7. Start commenting on their posts and add the heart emoticon.

Social networking works best when you remember to stay sociable. Slowly start commenting on his or her posts, but not all of them. If you see they are starting to comment on your posts, add in a heart emoticon to show you might want to be more than just friends.

8. Start using hashtags of #single #singlelife #love #relationships #dating so others can follow you.

Nothing’s a bigger turnoff than going on a digital campaign for someone who isn’t available. When you’re single, let your followers subtly know by using hashtags that define your relationship status. It’s bold, but not as needy as saying, “hey, I’m dateless this weekend and am bummed out about it.”

9. Post romantic quotes about love.

Feeling the love? Show it in your quotes. We post quotes with lyrics from love songs on Instagram, romantic quotes, and create some of our own to show we’re interested in love, big time. So should you.

10. Start searching for others with similar hashtags and start following them.

Being single is better when you’re in similar company. Do a search on Instagram for hashtags of other singles to see who’s feeling like they might want to couple up this ‘Cuffing Season.’

11. Reply to comments on your posts from someone you could have a crush on.

So you’re in a groove on Instagram and your crush is commenting on your updates and selfies. Now’s not the time to back peddle and get shy. Click the heart button to his or her comments and reply back with an emoticon or xo.

12. Become a Tindstagrammer and Start Direct Messaging.

Once you’ve developed an online rapport, it’s time to start those private chats. In an article on Mashable, writer Rachel Thompson claims that Instagram is the new Tinder – whether you want it to be or not. In addition, if the object of your digital affection ignored you or swiped left on Bumble or Tinder, now they have a public chance to write to you on Instagram. It can be viewed as tenacious or creepy, so if you don’t get a response, hold back from bombarding someone in Insta in multiple DMs.

13. Post Videos

Whether you’re at a concert or the farmer’s market, views to videos just get viewed more often on Facebook and Instagram. Better yet, share it to your Stories and let your crush hear your voice.

14. Swap Digits So You Can Meet IRL.

At the end of this love campaign, if you and your crush are in a groove on Instagram, it’s time to take the plunge and send a DM with your phone number to text each other and make plans to meet in person. After all, you won’t really know if you have offline chemistry until you meet IRL.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the Digital Matchmaker who’s been coaching singles online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter

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Tinder ‘Reactions’ Helps You Let Your Date Know He’s Been Ghosted

Our friends at Tinder have added a new featured called ‘Reactions,’ to let you send your dude an animated gif to get the ball rolling, toss a virtual martini in his face if he’s acting like a d-bag, or give the digital heads up that he’s been ghosted.

Created by the women of Tinder, along with the help of comedian/actress Whitney Cummings, this new feature adds a little fun to the dating process instead of sending back boring texts that just say ‘hey.’ There are 10 animated gifs to choose from and the feature is starting to roll out now.

How it works is, you need to be in a convo with your match. In the in-text feature, next to the gif icon you’ll see a reaction icon. Click on the icon and select the reaction that’s perfect for the mood.

For my favorite topic of ghosting, one of their gifs will help you disappear with advanced notice.

Think he’s worth having a convo with, then here’s how you can let him know to get the ball rolling.

Tinder Reactions Ball GIf

Ever think of tossing a drink in his face? With the Martini Reaction you can do so and he’ll get the hint and just might enjoy your humor as well.

Tinder Martini Reaction

If you think he’s really a great guy and he’s making you swoon, let him know by sending a few hearts reaction.

Tinder Reaction Gifs

For more details on the new ‘Reactions’ feature, check out the Tinder Blog and check out this video on how it works.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online and now on their mobile apps with her IRRESISTIBLE PROFILES programs for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

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Help! My Boyfriend Created a Tinder Profile After a Fight

Hi Julie,

Today my best friend was on Tinder and found my boyfriend’s account. We have been together almost 3 years, though we have broken up twice. I confronted him about it and he told me he made it after a big fight of ours, realized he was making a mistake, then deleted the app, and must have forgotten to delete the account.

He said that he didn’t message or get involved with anyone. When I asked him for permission to log on to see if his claims were true, he said that he already just deleted the account.

What do I do?

Worried

My Dear Worried,

If I had a dollar for every person who contacted me after they or a friend found a Tinder profile during a swiping frenzy, I’d take a trip around the world.

All relationships go through bumps on the road, and a guy often looks to see who else is out there, if he has doubts about the relationship, or even if he’s about to make a deeper commitment.

That doesn’t mean he met someone, chatted with someone, or even remembered he had a moment of faux girlfriend shopping.

The most important part of a relationship is trust. If he says he deleted the app, that’s probably exactly what he thinks he did and you need to believe him.

When someone removes Tinder from their mobile phone, they assume it’s gone, as they aren’t using it. There is a difference between removing Tinder from your phone and deleting your account permanently. Most people don’t realize that.

Your boyfriend thinks he’s a good guy and is in a relationship with you, but his profile will still appear on Tinder as a potential match to others, so yes, it looks like a form of cheating.

I say let it slide now, or you could be headed for another breakup. If it’s not on his phone, he isn’t swiping right or left on anyone, nor is he chatting with anyone. Give it a few weeks and let him know that you appreciate him being honest with you about “removing” Tinder from his phone and that you’re happy everything is going well with the two of you.

Then let him know you read an article (mine), that said if you take Tinder off your phone, it stays on their service as an active profile unless you log on and specifically click “Delete Account.” It’s in the settings part of the profile that looks like a gear at the very bottom. Tell him it would make you feel more comfortable if he deleted/disabled his account, so others who know both of you don’t assume that the two of you agreed to an “open relationship.” Make it about the two of you, not just about you.

Send him this link, How to Delete Tinder on how to do it, but don’t look over his shoulder and question him on who he was chatting with, if anyone. Again, it’s about trust and show that you trust that he tried to remove Tinder correctly and that even you didn’t realize there’s a difference between removing Tinder and deleting an account.

I think he’s telling you the truth and really wants you to trust him. Have the conversation in a very loving way. He’ll appreciate the fact that neither of you want to send the message that you’re available for an open relationship, when you’re not.

Keep me posted!

Julie

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating and find out how our Irresistible Profiles programs will help you find your dream date.

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How to Delete Tinder When You Meet The One

delete tinder Did you Swipe Right on Tinder and meet someone you’d like to date exclusively?

If so, congratulations are in order and you’re not alone.

Tinder reports 10 matches to date and 1.4 billion swipes every day.

Still, we get contacted several times a week when someone thinks their boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on them because his or her Tinder profile is still active. Typically a friend notices it and wonders if there’s trouble in paradise.

Before you start accusing your S.O. that they’ve been sneaking around and before you do something drastic like sneak a peek at their phone, as a Tinder Expert, I need to share with you that there’s a huge DIFFERENCE between REMOVING Tinder off your mobile phone, which is what the majority of people do, and actually DELETING Tinder through their app while it’s still on the phone.

The former will result in your profile still being active for others to see and it sends a message that you’re single and hoping someone will be swiping right in anticipation of a match and to meeting IRL. The latter disables your account and your Tinder profile will no longer be viewed by others who are swiping and matching.

Got it? So here’s how to fix it.

How to Delete Tinder

If you’ve already taken Tinder off your mobile phone, download the app again and sign in.
Once you’re signed in, on the top left side, click on the icon to view your profile
Once your profile is on the screen, click on the grey gear symbol in the middle of the screen.
This brings you to a “Settings” page. Scroll to the bottom of the page, where you will see the option to “Logout” or “Delete Account.” Select Delete Account.
You will receive a message that says, “Account successfully deleted.”

If you’ve met someone you really like, give it a chance to see where it goes. If you ever break up, you an always create a new Tinder account in just a few minutes.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and mobile dating expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years and on mobile apps like Tinder since their launch. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Find out how our Swiping Right program will help you have the most rocking Tinder profile to fill your date card.

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Tinder Love Story – Rachel and Jason

Tinder Jason and Rachel

Meet Rachel and Jason who fell in love on the Tinder mobile dating app. She shared how the two met with some heartwarming details about their courtship.

When Rachel first saw her now-husband on Tinder, she said, “I thought he was handsome! Initially, all I had to go off of were his pictures. One in particular, of him standing in a park in a navy hoodie got me. He was good looking but there was also something warm about his smile. To be honest, he seemed out of my league but I went for him anyway.”

How long did it take to meet “IRL” (in real life) and when did your courtship begin?

“Interestingly, we agreed to make plans almost right away as we had initial good banter back and forth and enough in common that I felt comfortable meeting…. but we scheduled the actual date a couple of weeks out. I had just moved to L.A. and wasn’t free for a couple of weeks for what would end up being my second Tinder date ever, and on his end (while I didn’t realize it at the time), he had been out on so many Tinder dates prior to meeting me that his expectations were not exceedingly high, so he was totally content to wait.”

When did you know or become exclusive (how long before?) and how did you know he/she was the one?

“I would say we went from 0-60 very quickly. Our first date was February 13th, 2014 we both went strategically radio silent on Valentine’s Day and then we made plans and went out on our second date on February 15th. I think we were formally exclusive within the first 2 months, although truthfully, I was probably a little slower than he was to get the memo.

I had literally just moved to L.A. from New York a month and a half prior, and was going out of my way to meet new people. And I was coming from Manhattan where people just didn’t seem to take dating quite as seriously as they do in L.A. My husband claims he had worked his way through half of Tinder before meeting me and was a little burnt out on the process and thus ready to be serious. It was so refreshing to actually meet a guy who was interested in getting to know me, spending time with me and who was not looking to play games.”

Rachel and Jason have been together for 3.5 years now. They’re married and have a 7-month-old baby girl.

RELATED: Oh no! She Found Her Boyfriend on Tinder

Congratulations to Rachel and Jason, our Tinder Love Story.

Photo credit: Camilla Greenwell

Have you met someone special on Tinder or other mobile dating apps? We’d like to hear from you.

CONTACT US to share your story.

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The Lonely Italian – Online Dating Movie

It’s official! The film, The Lonely Italian has been released and you can watch it now!

It’s a hilarious movie, and I’m honored to have been the star’s online dating experts and coach. Watch early on as I help the lonely Italian Domenico Nesci navigate the waters of online dating and mobile dating apps. You name it, he’s tried it!

The film has already won two festival awards for Best Comedy Film in the San Diego International Film Festival and Best Film-USA in the Ferrara Film Festival.

Here’s a sneak peek at my dating coaching session on the first day of shooting.

From JDate to Tinder, 420 Dating to Fitness Singles, Domineco leaves no dating opportunity off the table.

Here’s the film trailer and it will have you ROTFL.

You can download the film digitally on your tablet or TV through Amazon, iTunes and more.

Click here to purchase or rent the movie.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s an award-winning dating coach and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, where she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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Tinder Dating Expert Julie Spira on BuzzFeed Video

Julie Spira - Buzzfeed

We had a blast at the BuzzFeed studios in Hollywood, where I critiqued two Tinder profiles of Millennial singles who hadn’t been on ANY dates!

Well we changed that in a digital heartbeat.

Watch as I made both Ryann and Kelly’s mobile dating profiles go from dating in a SWIPE LEFT world, to quickly moving to a SWIPE RIGHT world.

Find out EXACTLY what they were doing wrong and how a little attitude adjustment with some digital techniques online combined with offline dating advice turned their love game around.

I’m so very proud of the two of them. Thank you to Buzzfeed for selecting me as their dating coach and love expert.

Julie Spira is a mobile dating expert and is known as America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the creator of Mobile Dating BootCamp and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 23 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs. Julie is the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and was named “Best Dating Coach of the Year” in the 2017 iDate Awards.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

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Lawyers are the Most Desirable Jobs for Singles on Happn App

Thinking of going to law school? If love is on your mind, your odds of finding a date by joining a non-drinking bar are at the top of the list.

A survey from mobile dating app Happn analyzed 2.9 million users in the United States between April 1-11, 2017. They found that singles matched, or “crushed” with dating profiles of lawyers most often.

RELATED: Top 10 Mobile Dating Apps

Highest Ranking Matches Per Job Category

For both men and women, the desire to date an attorney ranked as number one in the top five list.

Other sexy professions of guys include being an Analyst, Engineer, Salesman, or Doctor. Happn’s list of the 5 most crushed women also include Designer, Teacher, Marketer, and Physician.

This list is a bit different from Tinder’s most popular jobs that received right swipes, where being a lawyer ranked lower at #11 for men, and didn’t appear on the list of most right swipes of women. Instead, being a Pilot ranked as the top spot for men, while being a Physical Therapist received the most right swipes on women’s profiles.

Tinder Jobs

Tinder’s Most Swiped Jobs Differed from Happn’s

According to Tinder, below being a Pilot, if you’re a Founder/Entrepreneur, or Firefighter, you’re in the top 3 careers that will get more right swipes on male profiles. We get it. A Pilot can be sexy, but he won’t be around much. A Founder/Entrepreneur might be creative with a big bank balance, or at least some stock options, so he’s got long-term potential. A Firefighter or Doctor will save lives and can become your own personal hero. In short, women loved a man in a uniform.

As for the women, being a Physical Therapist tops the list as men are imagining her personal touch, somewhere, somehow, or anywhere. An Interior Designer was a bit surprising at number 2, but there’s something intimate about decorating a bedroom with candles and more. As far as number 3 is concerned, it’s enlightening to know that a man is interested in both beauty and brains, so kudos to those who want to date a smart and confident woman. Perhaps they’ll remember to leave the Board Room out of the bedroom.

Taking it a step further, Mashable released a list of most swiped jobs city-by-city to show there’s not a one-size-swipes all best job across the country.

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

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Julie Spira on KTLA With New Mobile App Features

Many thanks to KTLA’s Rich DeMuro, who interviewed me for this fun segment on mobile dating on Tech Report.

We talked about new features on mobile dating apps to speed up your search to find a Valentine’s date. Watch this video to learn about the latest tips to better your odds on Match, Bumble, and Tinder apps.

Mobile dating apps are all the rage. There are new niche dating apps to help you find a Valentine. Are you making the most of these popular and apps?