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Ask the Virtual Dating Expert – Should I Reach Out to my Ex During Corona?

During this period of self-isolation, quarantining, and when life seems so uncertain, it’s not unusual to reach out to old friends, family members, and of course, the ex who’s still on your mind.

Whether you’re sending a text to rekindle the spark, or just because you really care about their being, now’s the perfect time to reach out and say hello.

Chris, a reader sent in this question to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert on this subject.

Dear Julie,

I hope you’re staying safe and healthy during this crazy time.

I’m reaching out because I could really use some advice. I would like to reach out to my ex, but I’m not sure what is the best approach.

We stopped speaking eight years ago, and I tried calling her 3 years ago, but received no response (please note, I sent her a follow-up text). I’m assuming this was her way of saying no.

If given the opportunity, I would try to take the approach of showcasing to her the new person I am but haven’t had the chance.

When we stopped speaking, we were 20 and didn’t end on the best of terms, but I feel like now that we’re two older adults, eight years later, maybe things could be different. Please note, she lives in New York, and I’ve been living in L.A. for the past six years.

Would reaching out to her again after my previous attempt even be worth it?

Thank you Julie. Any and all guidance would be appreciated.


RELATED: 8 Reasons Why She Didn’t Reply to Your Text

Dear Chris,

Thanks for reaching out. You’re not alone.

It’s been a busy time with people connecting on dating apps to meet someone new, and a lot of singles are reaching out to an ex to check in and make sure they’re safe during COVID-19.

If you try to reach out, it can’t jump in to sell the “new you” to her, and should only do so to show your concern for her health and well-being.

If you take the “look at the new me,” approach, she may feel like you’re pressuring her into an instant relationship and have ulterior motives, and it will backfire for sure, and most likely result in you getting ghosted again.

Plus, we don’t know if she’s in a relationship, or the thought about entering a long-distance relationship is something of no interest to her, especially with someone where there was a bad breakup.

For now, you’ve still got her on a pedestal, reliving past memories and hoping for a new future, which isn’t realistic.

WATCH: What to Do if He Only Wants to Text Me

Keep in mind, you don’t even know what she’s like in today’s time, eight years later. Perhaps her personality has changed, and you won’t like the “new her,” and if you met today, it wouldn’t be a fit.

Still, try to stay in the friend zone, because that’s all anyone’s ex can be right now, it’s the perfect time to reach out to her in a text to say: 

“Hi (insert name), I hope you’re safe and well during this crazy time.” Then add your first name.

Don’t ask her to answer a bunch of questions, don’t ask her about her relationship status and if she’s seeing anyone, or would consider getting back together.

Living in the past can haunt you, as you try to navigate love moving forward, which is an ideal time, as 75% of singles on the Love Poll in Dating in the Age of COVID-19 say they’re looking for a meaningful and long-term relationship.

If there’s any time to reach out, it would be now, but don’t start jumping into lengthy text exchanges, and don’t be surprised if you don’t hear back.

Reaching out once the crisis is over would be less genuine, so now’s the time to show you care, with no expectations. Consider your ex, an old friend, and everyone changes in the course of close to a decade.

Start looking for someone online who’s terrific and wants to meet someone just like you. If you’ve truly evolved in the past eight years, someone will benefit from your self-growth.

Keep me posted!


Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 25 years, and as a virtual dating expert, helps singles master video dating with her Dress Rehearsal service.

Top 10 Love Quotes for Global Love Day

Love Day - Cyber Dating Expert

Did you know that May 1st is International Global Love Day? The Day was created by Harold Becker, founder of The Love Foundation on May 1, 2004 and has been celebrated around the world ever since.

Even in a Web 2.0 world, over 800 avatars have professed their virtual love for each other in Second Life.

In our of our favorite topic of love, the team at Cyber-Dating Expert headquarters voted on our favorite love and romance quotes that we?ve posted on Twitter.

The competition was steep, but we?re happy to share our love quotes list with you and hope that you contribute your favorites in the comments.

1. A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years. ~Rupert Brooke

2. A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. ~Stendhal

3. At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. ~Plato

4. Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. ~Peter Ustinov

5. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. ~Robert Frost

6. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. ~Albert Einstein

7. Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. ~Mother Teresa

8. Life is the flower for which love is the honey. ~Victor Hugo

9. Love is a game that two can play and both win. ~Eva Gabor

10. When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew. ~William Shakespeare

Whatever your love stage is, from friendship to infatuation, a crush to a deep love, single, madly in like, taken, or ready to mingle, we hope you enjoy all the love that surrounds you. Return the love in a boomerang and enjoy the day.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

~Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Photo credit: ? PeterPunk –

Harvard’s Michael I. Norton on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Have you ever tried virtual dating?

In this episode of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, host Julie Spira spoke with Michael I. Norton, Associate Professor at Harvard Business School about research that shows that going on a virtual date increases your chance for success when you meet in real life.

So what exactly is a virtual date?

Learn how you can go on a simulated date with avatars to benefit and help improve your online dating search. You’ll also hear about how social networking sites can improve your chances of finding love online.

Listen ?for dating advice and to hear more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with CyberDating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Ask the Cyber Dating Expert Radio Show Featuring Virtual Dating

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Get ready to learn about virtual dating as we’ll be devoting an entire segment on the topic on this week’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.

It’s with great pleasure to announce that Harvard Business School Associate Professor Michael I. Norton will be our featured guest on October 30, 2010.

Norton has been featured in the Economist, Financial Times, New York Times, Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. He will be discussing his study, “People are Experience Goods: Improving Online Dating With Virtual Dates” from the Journal of Interactive Marketing.

You’ll find out why going on a virtual date before meeting for the first time will result in a better experience.

Call in at 646-929-0012 on Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 2pm/ET, 12 noon/CT, 11am/PT to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with Cyberdating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Weekly Flirt – Halloween Edition

Weekly Flirt - Halloween Edition

Click here and let the flirting begin>>>

Fall in Love this Fall on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

It’s a great honor and pleasure to announce the fall 2010 lineup of guests for Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show. Every week we feature bestselling relationship authors and popular dating sites to help singles looking for love online.

Join me as we talk about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World. We?re live on Saturdays at 2pm, Eastern Time. Call in at 646-929-0012 to listen to the program.

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show Fall 2010 Lineup of Guests

9.11.2010 ?Kristen McGuiness ? Author, 51/51: A Magical Adventures of a Single Life

9.18.2010 ?Jeff Taylor ? CEO, Meetcha

9.25.2010 ?Julie Ferman ? Matchmaker and founder, Cupid?s Coach

10.02.2010 ?Dan Abelon ? Founder, SpeedDate

10.09.2010 ?Rachel DeAlto ? CEO, Flip Me Dating

10.23.2010 ?Mel Sampat ? CEO, Cupidtino

10.30.2010 ?Professor Michael I. Norton ? Harvard Business School: Improving Online Dating with Virtual Dates

11.06.2010 ?Tasha Cunningham ? Author and Founder, Don?t Date Him Girl

11.13.2010 ?Carole Liberman, Author, Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets

11.20.2010 ?Lori Cheek ? Founder of Cheek?d

12.04.2010 ? ?Chris Dunn ? CEO, and DeAnna Lorraine, dating expert

Listen to internet radio with Cyber-dating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Weopia Virtual Dating on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show where we talked about a new service called Weopia. Weopia takes you on a 3-D virtual date. You can visit them for free now and try their service while it is still in beta form.

Dave Wilkie, CEO of Weopia says that couples using their service before meeting offline will be twice as likely to have a second date and want to meet online.

If you are a bit on the shy side, they will offer suggested ice breakers while on your date.

A full day pass will cost $4.95 and the monthly rate is expected to be $18.95.

Listen to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show


Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Please join Cyber-Dating Expert, Julie Spira, as she welcomes her guest, Ravit Abelman from OmniDate on “Ask the Cyber-Dating Radio Show” on Saturday, June 6, 2009.

OmniDate has built a different kind of online dating experience with Virtual dating. Virtual dating is now considered the next generation of online dating.

With virtual dating, singles enjoy fun interaction, great conversation, romantic scenery, get-to-know-you games and wonderful music. They chat, laugh, and build common experiences, all while on a virtual date from the comfort of their home.

You may soon see OmniDate?s virtual dating on your favorite dating site. Its application is designed to integrate easily & seamlessly into any website to help singles get to know each other better online before meeting in-person.?

Call in at 646-929-0012 at 2pm ET/11am/ PT, or visit us via webchat at to learn the latest to have a successful cyber-dating experience.
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