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Dating in a Political World

Dating in a Trump World

It was one year ago today, when like most others, I was glued to the television watching the results of the Clinton versus Trump election. In my hand, as I sat solo in my family room, was my iPhone. Like others, I was busy texting election results back-and-forth with my friends.

Most of us had expected Hillary Clinton to win the election and it would be a historical day for America to have our first female President.

As the night went on, many of us were stunned as the electoral college results came in. With Florida and Ohio in the Trump camp, shock waves hit across the country and throughout the world.

None of us were prepared for the outcome.

Some were thrilled with the news of Donald Trump becoming the next president, while others literally cried and started to worry about our country.

How this relates to dating is huge.

As a dating and relationship coach, the biggest dating divide I’ve ever experienced in the history has been this past election, along with the year that has passed since election day.

Mashable reports that a single man on Tinder has been using a new technique which he calls “Trumping” to reject dates he’s not interested in anymore.

Dan, the Trumping guy, sends a message to his matches saying he voted for Trump, instead of telling them he isn’t interested, or taking the coward’s way out of ghosting, which has plagued over 90% of millennials.

RELATED: Will Online Daters Support Trump? See What the POF Survey Says

Meanwhile, conservatives are still bashing Clinton and liberals don’t want to date Trump supporters. Being on opposite ends of the political spectrum is a passion that just isn’t sexy in Trump’s America.

Other data shows existing relationships became strained with the election results. I predicted in my Huffington Post column that many relationships would end between Inauguration Day and Valentine’s Day, and now know this to be a fact.

RELATED: Post Inauguration Breakups: Differing Politics Are Destroying Relationships

The truth is, it’s not about being liberal or conservative. It’s not even about who one voted for, as much as it’s about values. Values are the core of what makes a couple click and what helps them stick together during the inevitable bumps on the road.

Whether it’s family values or walls being built, singles have a lot to say these days, with politics topping the list of deal-breakers.

While I think things have calmed down a bit, with singles and couples agreeing to disagree, it’s been a challenging time for the love world.

RELATED: Does Politics Help or Hurt Your Relationship

Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and chief science officer at Match agrees and tell me, “Maybe couples should have a little system of a time out, where one person says one thing.”

An adult time-out. Maybe this will ease the tension of dating in a Trump world.

Here’s how it works.

“He gets two minutes to say that one thing and then the other person gets two minutes to say theirs,” explains Fisher. “Then they go into the bedroom and don’t talk about it, or they go and play a game, or do something to change the brain.”

Fisher believes something as simple as taking a bike ride will bump up the dopamine system and will reduce the pain in your relationship.

From my view, people are definitely more passionate about their political views these days. Watching the news or scrolling through tweets has given us a 24-hour reality show. Having a voice on social media is now a license to post public rants in one direction or another, resulting in the deterioration of many friendships.

How does this relate to love one year later?

For me, I’ve been glued to the news in a more magnified way and I know others feel the same. As a dating coach, I encourage political conversations to be brought to the front in a kind manner, without people attacking each other. If it’s true that love will find a way, remember why you fell in love in the first place.

It’s time to return to the time when a lively debate made an interesting topic for a date.

Let’s not bring war into the bedroom.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of Internet dating, has been coaching singles for over 23 years on finding love online.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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Photo credit: Fotolia

 

OkCupid Ditches Who’s Viewed You Feature

OkCupid

After a bunch of beta testing, our friends at OkCupid have decided to remove the feature of who’s viewed your profile, thereby enabling all members to browse anonymously on their online dating site and mobile app.

Previously part of the A-List premium paid features, now all members can browse, um, stalk their favorite profiles while they proactively can now like and comment on photos.
In the OkCupid blog, they give the following reason for these changes.

Likes & Messages Are the Truest Indicators of Interest

“Likes and messages are much clearer indicators of someone’s interest. And in dating, clearer is better. If someone messages you, for example. That means that someone wants to get to know you better. Or someone likes you. We take that as a clear sign that they’re interested in you. If you’ve also liked that person, you’ll both be able to see that you’ve mutually liked each other — even if neither of you have A-List — and you’ll get that signal of interest directly”

How Invisible Browsing Now Works

Without being able to view who visited your profile, you won’t know until they tacke action and message or like your profile and/or photos. 

The reason for this change, is the site is strongly encouraging you to message someone, rather than taking a peek and deciding later.

OkCupid claims that men who send a first message between 40 and 90 characters have the highest chances of a reply, and women who make the first move are 17% more likely to end up on a date than those who don’t.

So when we say word count and character count matters, it’s now backed up by their research.

Are you ready to put ten toes in and make the first move?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and had been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

Online Dating: Star Wars Fans Get More Dates

Star Wars Day

If you’re single and are a “Star Wars” fan, we’ve got good news for you.

Our friends at PlentyofFish analyzed over 13 million profiles of their online dating users in the United States, and found that those who list “Star Wars” as an interest on their profiles are 61% more likely to leave the site in a relationship than non-fans.

In honor of Star Wars Day, POF lists the top 10 cities to date a Star Wars Fan.

  1. Los Angeles
  2. San Antonio
  3. San Diego
  4. Las Vegas
  5. Orlando
  6. Houston
  7. Phoenix
  8. Jacksonville
  9. Colorado Springs
  10. Chicago

So what exactly is Star Wars Day?

ABC News reported that “the pun was first used back in 1979, with Britain’s Conservative Party congratulating Margaret Thatcher in print for taking the prime minister post that day.

Canada’s Globe and Mail newspaper, claims the first organized “Star Wars” event on May 4 took place in 2011 at the Toronto Underground Cinema.

What Should Single Star Wars Fans Do?

If you’re single and dating online or on mobile dating apps, make sure to list that you’re a Star Wars fan in your favorites, as other singles just might be searching for someone just like you. Take it a step further and post something fun on Facebook or Instagram.

For those of you who live in cities not listed in the top 10, don’t fret. You can change your zipcode as many couples have moved for love.

One of our featured couples on Facebook Love Stories, Sophie and Trevor, actually met in a Facebook fan group for Star Wars. He lived in the U.S. and she lived in the U.K. and now they are happily married, with thanks to Star Wars.

Happy Star Wars Day and May the 4th be with you, wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating advice

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How to Flirt BIG TIME on St. Patrick’s Day

Cyber Dating ExpertSt. Patrick’s Day is here, and it’s time to get into the spirit of this flirty holiday.

Years ago, I would wear a button that said “Kiss Me, I’m Irish,” even though there was not a speck of Irish blood in me.

To help you flirt, big time and to ramp up your digital flirting skills, here’s the online dating expert’s guide to flirting on St. Patrick’s Day.

 

1. Send a flirty text. Texting the the person you have a crush on to say “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” will brighten their day. Add a four-leaf clover emoji. Even if they aren’t Irish, chances are they’ll reply to you.

2. Wear green. Find the tackiest flashing buttons, goofiest, hats, and make sure to wear something green to celebrate. It’s the easiest way to strike up a conversation with someone on St. Patrick’s Day.

3. Change your dating profile. It’s time to mix it up online. Post a photo wearing something green, ask if someone wants to get lucky in love, post quotes about the luck of the Irish and St. Patrick’s Day on your profiles and on social media. Get bolder and post “Kiss me if you’re Irish.” Start swiping right in the morning on Tinder, Bumble, or other mobile dating apps to find a date by the afternoon.

4. Send a GIF. Open your mobile dating app and send a GIF to your digital crush. These days, apps such as Tinder, Bumble, or even Twitter are using Giphy. Send a fun animated GIF to someone you’ve been chatting with to spice up the convo.

5. Send an animated e-card. We’re big fans of JibJab!, where you send a customized a video or e-card starring you. It will come complete with background music and is guaranteed to give a smile or two.

6. Smile everywhere you go. A smile is contagious and everyone wants to be around someone who appears to be happy. Practice the 5-second stare while smiling at someone you would like to meet. It’s the cue for them to come over and wish you a “Happy St. Patrick’s Day.” Who knows where the conversation will lead?

7. Compliment everyone. You might normally run away from the guy with the tacky green tee shirt, but stop and say hello. Take it one step further and pose in a ‘selfie’ together. He won’t be able to help himself and will put his arm around you for the photo. If the sparks start to fly, it’s your invitation to continue the conversation. Be even bolder and post it, with permission of course, on Facebook or Instagram.

8. Find a parade. Go to a St. Patrick’s Day parade in your city. Everyone loves a parade and it will give you an excuse to start a conversation with those you end up bundled up with.

 

9. Go to the dog park. There’s a reason it’s called puppy love. Put a green bandana on your dog’s collar and take a walk to the local dog park. Your dog will do the flirting for you and it will be a great conversation starter.

10. Make a Shamrock Shake. We have a healthy recipe for a Shamrock Shake that you’ll absolutely love and it can be a fun date idea. If you aren’t into buying the ingredients, and are flying solo, head to Starbucks for a coffee date and order a green tea Frappuccino, or go to a sushi bar and order green tea and green tea ice cream.

 

Wishing you much love, luck, and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top online dating expert and mobile dating expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and has been coaching singles on finding love online with her Irresistible Profiles for over 20 years.

Julie’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

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Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

Today’s Quote is from Jeremy Taylor. Many of you have seen it before and it’s always worth sharing.

The power of love, friendship and passion are parts of the recipe for a great relationship. Always start with friendship, because no matter what obstacles come your way, friendship is the glue that keeps it all together.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

FOLLOW Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

SIGN UP for our Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

 

Match Adds New ‘Missed Connections’ Feature

Now you can mind more ways of meeting people around you on your mobile app.

As announced on the Match blog, their new location-based feature, “Missed Connections” will help the 55% of singles that feel technology has made it more difficult to connect with others in real life. Match wants to reverse this trend by harnessing technology to do what people want to do naturally—meet in real life.

Match, who won the Best Dating Site of the Year at the iDate awards, just announced their new feature, with the intent of beineg less creepy that the old Craig’s List “Missed Connections, and similar to Happn’s app, which is solely based on matching you with people you’ve crossed paths with.

This new feature on Match will help you fill your date card with singles, AFTER you’ve crossed paths at the same place.

The trend of meeting IRL is important to dating apps and sites, to avoid ghosting, breadcrumbing, or just chatting without meeting IRL.

RELATED: Happn Now Helps Users Meet Up With Match’s Faster

Match Missed Connections

How Missed Connections Works

  1. Match members will see a Missed Connections introduction page in the app, showing off the feature and asking you to opt-in.
  2. Once you’ve opted in, you’ll be able to browse through your recent feed of members you’ve crossed paths with, based on your current matching criteria and your location.
  3. The feature now makes geolocation THE priority in your search criteria, revealing the intersection points for your last crossed spot, within one block (such as Prince and Broadway) and the number of times a person has crossed paths with you.
  4. Missed Connections now makes it easy to start up a conversation, right within the feed, providing a natural alibi to connect with someone else.

Match’s CEO Mandy Ginsberg tells Mashable,

“While we all love to know as much as we can about potential mates, this isn’t just about giving you more information. The whole point is starting these relationships out in the real world.” 

RELATED: 5 Love Experts Predict Dating Apps for 2017, Because It’s Time to Get Offline Faster

Missed Connections helps you meet the person who hangs out at the same coffee shop or dog park; someone with similar interests.

With the trend of meeting IRL and taking the relationships offline in 2017, we have high hopes for this feature, but remember, just because you like the same place, doesn’t remove the safety element you should always adhere to when meeting someone from offline, online.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the recipient of the Best Dating Coach of 2017 and has been coaching singles with her Irresistible Dating Profiles programs for over two decades.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram, LIKE us on Facebook, and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

Happy New Year
As we start a new year filled with resolutions, remember to listen to your heart and be open to the possibilities of love.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Let’s Get Social!

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox and find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

Holiday Quote

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Read our Holiday Dating Survival Guide

#MusicMonday Quote of the Day

Happy Music Monday. As we start a new week, it’s time to put the digital DJ hat on and share a musical quote from the bankd UB40 about love to warm your heart.

Music Monday

“Love is a thing, well, it’s kid of like quicksand: The more you are in it, the deeper you sink. And when it hits you, you’ve just got to fall.”

Don’t be afraid of falling into quicksand. Open your heart. It isn’t a lifetime sentence, but could be a lifetime of happiness coming your way.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow Online Dating Expert Julie Spira on Twitter and Instagram

Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Find out how our Irresistible Profiles programs will help you find your dream date and read our many client testimonials.

PokéDates Launched to Help Pokémon Go Fans. Here’s How it Works

Pokemon Go PokeDatesIt was inevitable. Pokémon Go fans now have a dating site to meet other fans. Created by Project Fix Up, PokéDates will help you connect outside to others with similar interests.

Here’s how it works and what to do get started with this dating site.

  1. Select Pickup Preferences. This is where you state your sex, age, preference on who to date, height, college, religion, and just how picky you are or aren’t.
  2. Fix up:  Weaknesses. List the things that make you swoon. From cooking, to romantic, to muscular arms. You get the idea.
  3. Fix up: Deal Breakers. Hate a smoker, list it. Mean to restaurant staff, say so. Is in a relationship and looking for a hookup, take a pass.
  4. Select Themes. Let people know what kind of fix ups you’d like to go on from a list of photos. Selections include: coffee, whiskey, craft beer, craft cocktails, dive bars, desserts, wine, and of course PokeDates.
  5. Make it Social. To keep the social in PokeDates, you can agree to going out in a group instead of just a one-on-one date.
  6. About You. This is where you check off your hobbies and passions. From stating you’re a smoker or non-smoker to your political belief, check off as many as you can to get the best match.
  7. Upload a minimum 3 Photos. You’ll be allowed to post more than three, but they (and we) recommend at least three photos.

Once your profile is completed, they’ll ask you to reconfirm your email and verify you via text and you’re set to go. They’ll review your profile (we like that) to keep the site safe.

PokéDate is free to join, but once they create a fix up for you, you’re charged at $20 for your date. If you use the promo code of Project Fixup is offering first dates for free with the promo code of “POKEDATES2016,” you’ll get your first date free.

So get ready to share your score and level on Pokémon go with someone with similar passions.

Happy Poké Dating.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She’s a bestselling author internationally known dating coach who has been helping singles find love online for over two decades.

For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook

Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

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