When Should I Talk About My Ex, or Should I?

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The question of reaching out to an ex during the pandemic is a popular one at Cyber-Dating Expert, but what do you do if you’ve met someone new, and you keep bringing your ex to the table?

There’s always been an unspoken rule in dating that talking about your ex is an off-limits subject on a first date, or especially during the early days of dating.

It’s a huge turn-off to your new partner because it sends the message that you’re possibly not over your ex, or you’re playing the comparison game. No one wants to walk on eggshells with you, so refrain from talking about the ex, so you and your new partner can start with a clean slate, and you don’t end up in a complicated love triangle.

It’s not necessary to talk about an ex, but somehow these default questions frequently come up of, “So how long have you been single,” or “How long was your last relationship?” Just because someone asks, it doesn’t mean they genuinely want to know the answer. It falls into the category of asking how many people have you slept with. You know your answer will be judged as having too many, or not enough. I believe the same holds true with constant banter about someone from your past.

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Still, you might run into your ex if you have mutual friends or might even be good friends with a previous partner.

If that’s the case, you should let your date know that you’re proud that you’ve been able to keep a healthy friendship with your ex, but there’s no chance of reconciliation.

This conversation should only come up if you know you’re in a promising relationship, where you’ve agreed to be exclusive, and if you travel traveling in the same circles as your ex.

If you’re going to attend a birthday party, holiday gathering, or will be on the same virtual happy hour together, it’s best to let your partner know your ex will be at the same event.

You should always avoid bashing your ex, or complaining about your sexual life because your partner will assume you could say the same about them.

The conversation about the ex will come up at some point, and I firmly believe the best approach is to say they’re an ex for a reason, or the relationship ran its course, but you’re still cordial.

When you talk about an ex with someone new, it comes across as baggage that you’re still carrying. I believe in taking the high road, not pointing out all of the flaws in your past relationships, and instead praise the things you like about your new relationship. Let your new boo know how grateful you are that you’ve met theme, and are happy they’re at your side.

If you’re directly asked about your past history or an ex early on in your relationship, I believe you should change the subject, or say something flirty such as, “An ex? I thought you were my first.”

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 25 years. Find out how the Dress Rehearsal service will help you get ready for your virtual dates, and FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.