New Year’s dating resolutions. Do you need them? Sunday, January 3rd was the busiest day of the year for online dating.
With the first full week of January filled with new hopeful singles joining online dating sites, it’s time to change the way you’ve been looking for love online.
With am estimated 25-50% of new members joining the weekend after New Year’s, it’s time to think about a realistic resolutions list when it comes to matters of the heart and digital dating.
From joining the gym to the latest diet craze, we come up with lists that are so unrealistic that even Wonder Woman couldn’t achieve half of the items on the checklist.
Match.com reports that during the first week of 2015, they’ll expect to have over 2 million singles logging on over 30 million times! Are you ready to take the digital plunge?
PlentyofFish expects signups to jump over 24% on Sunday, January 3rd with approximately 81,000 new people joining their site.
With numbers like these, when it comes to matters of the heart, singles need to become reflective and take a good look at their dating patterns to join the digital party.
Here are some questions to ask yourself in the New Year
- Did you date the same type of people over-and-over again?
- Are you swiping left or right without looking at his or her profiles on mobile dating apps?
- Did your relationships sizzle at the three-six month mark when the honeymoon phase was over?
- Is your list of the traits of your perfect mate too big, too narrow, or just unrealistic?
Here are 10 suggestions and a list of resolutions to start fresh in the New Year.
Take a moment to jot down a list of those you dated in 2014.
Seeing the exact number of dates you went on will help you rethink your strategy. If you went on one date a month, you’ll need to increase the number of emails and swipes to send and respond to online.
Write down a list of the personality types to see where your patterns are.
We all have a type, but if you’re dating the same type of person over-and-over again and it always fizzles out, try expanding your search. Think about someone more adventurous, creative, or outside of your geographic area.
Beware if they seem too good to be true.
Chemistry is great, but how many times have you had instant chemistry, thought he or she was ‘the one,’ only to have it end as fast as it started? It’s like being side-swiped in a car accident. Beware of the instant anything and give someone another chance and put a second date on the calendar.
Don’t get hung up on physical qualities only.
If you’re wondering why men often lie about their height, it’s because you posted on your profile that you’re looking for someone 6’0 tall. Understand that in the United, about 14.5 percent of all men are six feet or over. That leaves about 85% of the male population at under 6′. Ladies, give a guy a break and become more realistic.
Guys, are you wondering why women lie about their age? They believe you have a perceived notion of the way a woman will look at a certain age. These days, so many singles work out to stay in shape, but law of gravity can get the best of people physically. Be more open minded to someone with the kind heart, even if the scale is tipping a bit.
Date people you could be friends with first.
I have a rule when I work with my dating coaching clients. If the potential date is someone you could be friends with, the please schedule a date on the calendar. Having the foundation of a relationship based on friendship is key to everlasting love.
Find someone you’d be proud to introduce to your friends and family.
Have you ever dated someone that most of your friends said, ‘buyer beware?’ Finding someone who blends in with your friends and who actually wants to meet them is important for the health of your relationship. Romantic nights together alone are important, but if he or she never wants to socialize with your friends, it’s probably not a good match.
Decide what similar interests are important – religion and values.
If you’re looking to start a family, find someone else who has the same goal. If you’re a single parent and want to blend your families together, date someone who also has children and is open to having a bigger family. If religion is important to you, join a niche site such as ChristianMingle, JDate, or JSwipe. Make sure your search parameters on larger mainstream sites state your religious preferences to find someone who shares the same faith as you. Find out the relationship history with his or her parents and family and see if they are in sync.
Don’t play too hard to get and wait to long to respond to his or her email/text.
I always say, “The squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.” When you play hard to get, the other person may lose interest or find someone else more who’s enthusiastic about getting to know you.
Watch how your dates treat the servers at restaurants.
Kindness is important in a relationship, but what happens when you’re out in public? If he or she treats the servers rudely, it’s a red flag. In this case, I say run, don’t walk.
Listen more than talk.
It’s normal to get nervous on a date or excited and want to tell your date all about your life story. I say, stop and take a big deep breath. Listen to your date and let them tell you what they’re looking for or what passions they have. No one wants to be on a date when it’s all about the other person. When you’re listening, chances are your date will tell you exactly what you need to hear, to determine if it could be a match or not.
Answering these questions will help guide you better to determine who you should be adding to your date card.
With online dating in peak season now through Valentine’s Day, finding a date shouldn’t be a difficult task.
Remember your time is precious and more isn’t always better. It’s not the race to the finish line that matters. Every relationship serves a purpose and helps you get closer to knowing truly what you want. While falling in ‘like’ or ‘lust’ at first sight is common, it takes multiples seasons to determine if you’re truly in love with someone; a person who will be with you when there’s the inevitable bump on the road.
If you meet someone that you truly connect with, I encourage you to open your heart, swipe right, be open to the possibilities, and give someone a second chance in case they were nervous on a first date. Love yourself first so you are able to love others.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam in 2016.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and was an early adopter of the Internet. She’s been helping singles find love online for 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles. For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.