Hi Julie,
Today my best friend was on Tinder and found my boyfriend’s account. We have been together almost 3 years, though we have broken up twice. I confronted him about it and he told me he made it after a big fight of ours, realized he was making a mistake, then deleted the app, and must have forgotten to delete the account.
He said that he didn’t message or get involved with anyone. When I asked him for permission to log on to see if his claims were true, he said that he already just deleted the account.
What do I do?
Worried
My Dear Worried,
If I had a dollar for every person who contacted me after they or a friend found a Tinder profile during a swiping frenzy, I’d take a trip around the world.
RELATED: HELP! I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND ON TINDER
All relationships go through bumps on the road, and a guy often looks to see who else is out there, if he has doubts about the relationship, or even if he’s about to make a deeper commitment.
That doesn’t mean he met someone, chatted with someone, or even remembered he had a moment of faux girlfriend shopping.
The most important part of a relationship is trust. If he says he deleted the app, that’s probably exactly what he thinks he did and you need to believe him.
When someone removes Tinder from their mobile phone, they assume it’s gone, as they aren’t using it. There is a difference between removing Tinder from your phone and deleting your account permanently. Most people don’t realize that.
Your boyfriend thinks he’s a good guy and is in a relationship with you, but his profile will still appear on Tinder as a potential match to others, so yes, it looks like a form of cheating.
RELATED: HOW TO DELETE YOUR TINDER PROFILE WHEN YOU MEET THE ONE
I say let it slide now, or you could be headed for another breakup. If it’s not on his phone, he isn’t swiping right or left on anyone, nor is he chatting with anyone. Give it a few weeks and let him know that you appreciate him being honest with you about “removing” Tinder from his phone and that you’re happy everything is going well with the two of you.
Then let him know you read an article (mine), that said if you take Tinder off your phone, it stays on their service as an active profile unless you log on and specifically click “Delete Account.” It’s in the settings part of the profile that looks like a gear at the very bottom. Tell him it would make you feel more comfortable if he deleted/disabled his account, so others who know both of you don’t assume that the two of you agreed to an “open relationship.” Make it about the two of you, not just about you.
Send him this link, How to Delete Tinder on how to do it, but don’t look over his shoulder and question him on who he was chatting with, if anyone. Again, it’s about trust and show that you trust that he tried to remove Tinder correctly and that even you didn’t realize there’s a difference between removing Tinder and deleting an account.
I think he’s telling you the truth and really wants you to trust him. Have the conversation in a very loving way. He’ll appreciate the fact that neither of you want to send the message that you’re available for an open relationship, when you’re not.
Keep me posted!
Julie
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.
FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for dating and find out how our Irresistible Profiles programs will help you find your dream date.
Julie Spira is America's Top Online Dating Expert. She's an award-winning dating coach who's been helping singles find love online for 25+ years. Follow @JulieSpira on IG.
