Part of dating includes being organized, and if you’re using dating apps and find there are several men named Steve, should you ask them their last names?
One of my dating coaching clients posed this question, as she was preparing for her second date with someone she met online. The truth is, she really wanted to check him out, and by asking for his last name, she thought she could get some information about him to help her feel safe.
How should she ask him, and should she even ask at all?
My response was simply not to ask for his last name.
Here’s why.
When someone asks for your last name on the phone, it’s basic code for letting you know they’ll be doing a google search, or maybe even digging deeper into a background search.
I asked her how she’d feel if her date did the same, checked out where she lived, if she owned or rented, or any other personal or financial information. She replied that she wouldn’t have liked that either.
What I suggested, was to tell her date that she’d meet him at the theatre, to thank him for offering to pick her up, and to let him know that she’d like to take him up on his chivalrous offer to pick her up on a future date.
This way, she’s playing it cautious, acknowledging that he’s a gentleman, and letting the conversation flow during their date, where possibly more will naturally be revealed.
If she’s still stuck on getting the last name, I suggested she share hers with him casually, knowing that he’d probably reply with his.
Remember, it’s a date, not a deposition.
No one wants to feel interrogated about their net worth, but everyone wants to feel comfortable and safe.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is an award-winning dating coach, and America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.
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Julie Spira is America's Top Online Dating Expert. She's an award-winning dating coach who's been helping singles find love online for 25+ years. Follow @JulieSpira on IG.
