Online Dating Advice ? How Many People Should I Talk to At Once? : Cyber Dating Expert
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Online Dating Advice ? How Many People Should I Talk to At Once?

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

We?ve all heard that online dating is a numbers game. 122 million worldwide to be exact according to ComScore?s research.

When we created Jerry?s irresistible profile, [winks, emails, and IMs, oh my!] his response was ?OMG, this stuff is like crack!? While we want you to fall in love and give you many tools to do so, we certainly don?t want to create a universe of online dating addicts.

Having too many conversations at once or viewing too many profiles doesn?t mean you?re going to be successful with the process. As a matter of fact, it could actually backfire on you.

The first week your profile is active is always the busiest time. ?It then settles down to a more manageable pace. Those who winked at you or flirted with you without a profile are probably not paying members or are not serious about the process, so unless you like their profile, you can just ignore them. If you like the profile, don’t wink or flirt back. Be bold and send an email saying hello. You can even thank them for the wink to let them know you?ve noticed.

I recommended to Jerry that he shouldn?t communicate with more than 5 people at a time. Limiting the ongoing communication will give you the opportunity to get to know someone. If the online conversation goes well, then schedule a phone date.? If you feel like you?re at the dentist?s office where someone is pulling teeth, don?t schedule a date.

I shared my thoughts in the ask the dating experts column on Sparkology on how to politely say you?re not interested.

More often-than-not, online messages are ignored. Don?t start humming to the Nick Lowe song, ?You?ve Got to be Cruel to be Kind? if you decide to respond. Say thank you, but add that you don?t feel you have enough in common to pursue a relationship, or let them know if they?re out of your geographic location or age range.

Wishing you much joy and love in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and cyber-relations expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Like us at for more dating advice.

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2 Responses to “Online Dating Advice ? How Many People Should I Talk to At Once?”

  1. dating tips on April 21st, 2012 9:05 am

    5 is a good number. If things get serious 5 becomes too much but since most likely 3 or 4 out of these 5 people will turn incompatible to you, it is a sound choice to start at 5.

  2. Julie Spira on May 8th, 2012 8:15 pm

    Thank you for your comment. There is no exact right number, but if you’re lucky enough to feel you have a connection with someone after a few dates, then take the time to pursue that relationship. It doesn’t mean you have to take down your profile, but it shows your level of interest. Some say you need to keep dating three people until a man asks for a commitment. I say follow your heart and develop the friendship part of the relationship. In time, you’ll know if it’s going in the right direction.

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