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DATING STUDY: This One Thing Determines Romantic Chemistry

Plenty of Fish Survey Conversations

If I could have the magic wand to guarantee you’d have chemistry on a first date, I’d bottle it up and sell shares on the public market.

It’s quite likely most of you will assume that physical attraction is what results in that chemical attraction, right? Of course both men and women are physical and have a “type,” but did you know that the quality of your conversation ranks higher than physical looks when it comes to that magical feeling called chemistry?

A new Conversation Nation 2018 study released by online dating site Plenty of Fish found that singles still believe the quality of the conversation on the first date is critical to establishing meaningful connections.

Bad Grammar is worse than having bad sex

As a matter of fact, the study reveals that bad grammar is a bigger turn off than bad sex, as stated by 58% of singles. (Hint: Use spell-check, grammar, check, and watch out for auto-correct).

Since I believe singles need to give “good phone” as part of the digital courting process, I asked Celeste Headlee, conversation expert for POF to talk about the survey results and what singles should and shouldn’t talk about during a 20-minute phone date.

“Your first phone call might be focused on what kinds of things the other person likes to do,” said Headlee. For example, you can figure out what kind of date would make them happy.”


Phone conversations are important. They will determine if you get to the first date or not. They aren’t meant to feel like a job interview or deposition, but often the conversations go off the track.

Study: Questions to Avoid in First Conversations

Headlee provided a few questions that will doom your first convo including:

“What are you doing?”

“What do you like?”

“What are you looking for?”

I’d like to add to avoid questions about your dating history or why your last relationship ended. You’d be surprised how talking about an ex ends up as a default question in the first conversation, and it’s an instant buzz-kill.

Ask These Specific Questions

Not sure what to ask? Headlee provided a few easy starters including:

“What’s your position on pizza crust? Thin or deep dish?”

By keeping your conversation light, it can also lead to information helpful for moving onto a first date.

I know from over two decades of coaching singles, that some love going on casual coffee dates, where they can gracefully exit after 20 minutes, while others prefer a casual lunch to get to know someone better.

RELATED: Should I Give My Online Date My Phone Number

“Your first conversation and first date are both focused on one thing according to Headlee. Would I enjoy a second date with this person?” She adds, “You’re both testing the compatibility at that point, so it’s important to be genuinely curious about the other person.

The study suggests avoiding a movie or concert date in favor of a date that will nurture the conversation, such as dinner, coffee, or drinks.

The best news of the study is that 60% of those surveyed believe you can fall in love during the first conversation, so it’s time to stop swiping and start chatting.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for 24 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

It’s Tuesday Game Night on Chemistry

Happy Tuesday! is making it more fun and easy to use their online dating site. If you haven’t tried their Tuesday Game Night, now’s the time to log on and play.

From 6pm – midnight, Central Time.

Here’s how it works:

1. Flirt and enjoy 2 Chemistry Starters, free with any of your matches.

2. Send an email after the Chemistry Starters are complete.

3. Subscribe to keep the communication going after the event is over.

Who know’s? Your Halloween date might be with someone you’ll meet ?tonight!

Free Weekend on Chemistry

Free Communication Weekend, This Weekend!

From time-to-time, some of my favorite online dating sites have free specials that I like to share with you.

If you haven’t tried Free Communication Weekend at! yet, now’s the time to sign up. ?I’m ?happy to share this special offer with you which started today.

If you’re dateless this weekend, your luck just might change. Of course, if you meet that special someone, we’d love to know. You just might end up as the next featured couple in the Cyber Love Story of the Week.

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Scientific Match

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Are you ready to learn more about DNA matchmaking? Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira as she welcomes Eric Holzle, founder of Scientific Match to Ask the Cyber Dating Expert Radio Show.

According to Scientific Match, when you share chemistry with someone, you significantly increase your chances of realizing these amazing benefits:

1. You’ll love their natural body fragrance–they’ll smell “sexier” than other people.
2. You’ll have a more satisfying sex life.
3. If you’re a woman, you’ll have a higher rate of orgasms.
4. There will be less cheating in your exclusive relationship.
5. As a couple, you’ll be more fertile.
6. Your children will be healthier.

Call in on Saturday August 21 at 2pm/ET, 12 noon/CT, 11am/PT at 646-929-0012 to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with Cyber-dating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Free Communication Weekend on

Free Communication Weekend

It’s back and just in time for spring fever! The ever-so-popular *Free* Weekend on

Starting on Friday, March 26 and going through Sunday, March 28, you can flirt, communicate, and connect for *Free* on this popular online dating site.

You may have heard Dr. Helen Fisher, creator of Chemistry’s personality profile as a guest on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert radio show. She gave excellent dating advice about how to attract real love based upon your personality type.

Now is your chance to enjoy your cyberdating free weekend on

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show



This Saturday, October 10, 2009, Dr. Helen Fisher will be the featured guest on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Julie Spira.

Dr. Helen Fisher is the author of Why Him? Why Her? and created the Personality Test as the Chief Scientific Advisor to

We’ll talk about the findings from her groundbreaking book where she identifies the four personality types to help you find and keep romance??Call in at 646-929-0012 at 2pm/ET, 11am/PT.
Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Ready to Flirt This weekend?

3 Months for the Price of 1

If you are in a spring, flirty mood, is hosting a?72 Hour Flirtathon! Flirt, communicate and connect for FREE this weekend!

What does that mean for singles looking for love online? It means that ?you can enjoy FREE communication, flirting, and connecting on Chemistry’s site from Friday, April 3rd through Sunday, April 5th.

As my friends say at Chemistry, let the flirting begin!