SURVEY: Singles Would Rather Have Bad Sex than Date a Trump Supporter

 

I’m a believer in truth-in-advertising, and as I said in my essay, Can Love Survive Trump, the challenges of dating in Trump’s America have been painful, and have resulted in reducing the dating pool by 50% for those with strong opinions on either side of the political spectrum.

This new survey of 2,000 singles in the U.S. conducted by online dating site Plenty of Fish shows that people are living and dating by their beliefs.

When I read the study, which claims that 34% of singles would rather have bad sex for the rest of their life than date a Trump supporter, I quickly realized this heated subject isn’t slowing down.  Our commander-in-chief still affects the way singles select their dates online.

The Conversation survey breaks it down further and states:

• 59% of singles won’t start talking to someone whose dating profile promotes a different political opinion.
• 52% of Republicans and 65% of Democrats won’t start a conversation with a political opposite.
• 84% of singles find it’s best to openly discuss their divided views with their partner.

RELATED: DOES LOVE TRUMP POLITICS? MATCH SURVEY SAYS YES

I asked POF’s Conversation Expert Celeste Headlee to weigh in and elaborate on these findings in the Conversation Nation 2018 study, to help answer questions that my dating coaching clients always ask.

Julie: Should singles post their political opinions in their dating profiles?

Celeste: It may not be a good idea to put your politics on your profile. As we can see, many people make quick decisions about dating based on political issues, and it’s much better (and less likely to cause friction) if you talk about them face-to-face.

Julie: When should someone bring up politics? Before a first date? In their profile? On the first date?

Celeste: It’s okay to choose one issue that you know you’re passionate about and bring it up on the first or second date, as long as you are kind while you do it, and have no intention of arguing. Let the other person know you’re just trying to see if the two of you are compatible.

Otherwise, leave that political conversation for the second or third date and don’t argue or yell at anyone. If they disagree and you can’t see yourself with that person, be honest and be kind. 

Julie: Why has dating a Trump supporter become such a hostile issue?

Celeste: Dating a Trump supporter can be an issue for people because he’s the culmination of a long trend toward polarization and division in politics. Whatever you may think of him, the evidence shows he is the most divisive president in US history.

RELATED: LOVE VS. TRUMP: IS POLITICS POLARIZING RELATIONSHIPS

He has taken some extreme stances on many issues and that means he’s upset and offended people. So, it’s common for people to say that they can’t date a Trump supporter, or will only date a Trump supporter. We think that knowing someone’s position on the president tells us more about them than it really does.

Julie: Why is politics a bigger deal-breaker than bad grammar?

Celeste: One of the surprises in this study is that more people are turned off by bad grammar than by bad sex. But the number of people who won’t date across party lines is larger still.

At this point, it’s very difficult to avoid talking about politics, as nearly every aspect of our lives has become political: what we eat, what music we listen to, what movies we watch. So, it’s important to talk about politics with your date, but be prepared to listen more than you talk and not try to change anyone’s mind.

Julie: How can you communicate in a healthy way with someone with different political beliefs.

Celeste: If your goal is to learn about the other person’s opinions, instead of talking about your own and arguing your position, you’ll be much more likely to have a healthy conversation. If they say something you find troubling, you can say, “I disagree with you, but I’m interested in learning why you believe that.” It’s difficult and sometimes scary to talk about politics with other people, so be kind and be welcoming. 

Julie: How can liberals and conservatives co-exist in the dating world?

Celeste: Liberals and conservatives can date each other and be happy. The most common reasons for divorce are money, cheating, and a lack of together time, not politics. If you can learn to allow the other person to have their own thoughts and opinions, to discuss without arguing, to stop trying to change their mind or convince them they’re wrong, you will get along just fine.

What happens in government will not, in the long run, determine the success or failure of your relationship. If you create a party loyalty test for all of your dates, you may end up walking away from someone who is a perfect match for you in every other way.

On that note, has dating in Trump’s America affected your choice of daters, or caused tension in your relationship?

We’d like to hear from you with your stories, so contact us at CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for 24 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira for dating advice on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

DATING STUDY: This One Thing Determines Romantic Chemistry

If I could have the magic wand to guarantee you’d have chemistry on a first date, I’d bottle it up and sell shares on the public market.

It’s quite likely most of you will assume that physical attraction is what results in that chemical attraction, right? Of course both men and women are physical and have a “type,” but did you know that the quality of your conversation ranks higher than physical looks when it comes to that magical feeling called chemistry?

A new Conversation Nation 2018 study released by online dating site Plenty of Fish found that singles still believe the quality of the conversation on the first date is critical to establishing meaningful connections.

Bad Grammar is worse than having bad sex

As a matter of fact, the study reveals that bad grammar is a bigger turn off than bad sex, as stated by 58% of singles. (Hint: Use spell-check, grammar, check, and watch out for auto-correct).

Since I believe singles need to give “good phone” as part of the digital courting process, I asked Celeste Headlee, conversation expert for POF to talk about the survey results and what singles should and shouldn’t talk about during a 20-minute phone date.

“Your first phone call might be focused on what kinds of things the other person likes to do,” said Headlee. For example, you can figure out what kind of date would make them happy.”

RELATED: 10 FIRST DATE IDEAS

Phone conversations are important. They will determine if you get to the first date or not. They aren’t meant to feel like a job interview or deposition, but often the conversations go off the track.

Study: Questions to Avoid in First Conversations

Headlee provided a few questions that will doom your first convo including:

“What are you doing?”

“What do you like?”

“What are you looking for?”

I’d like to add to avoid questions about your dating history or why your last relationship ended. You’d be surprised how talking about an ex ends up as a default question in the first conversation, and it’s an instant buzz-kill.

Ask These Specific Questions

Not sure what to ask? Headlee provided a few easy starters including:

“What’s your position on pizza crust? Thin or deep dish?”

By keeping your conversation light, it can also lead to information helpful for moving onto a first date.

I know from over two decades of coaching singles, that some love going on casual coffee dates, where they can gracefully exit after 20 minutes, while others prefer a casual lunch to get to know someone better.

RELATED: Should I Give My Online Date My Phone Number

“Your first conversation and first date are both focused on one thing according to Headlee. Would I enjoy a second date with this person?” She adds, “You’re both testing the compatibility at that point, so it’s important to be genuinely curious about the other person.

The study suggests avoiding a movie or concert date in favor of a date that will nurture the conversation, such as dinner, coffee, or drinks.

The best news of the study is that 60% of those surveyed believe you can fall in love during the first conversation, so it’s time to stop swiping and start chatting.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for 24 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

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