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How Do You Use Tinder? Julie Spira on KPCC

TinderThe article on Vanity Fair about Tinder resulted in a #TinderMeltdown, when the mobile app lashed back out at writer Nancy Jo Sales. The story went viral with thirty-or-so tweets from Tinder defending their position of helping singles also find love online, and not just as a hookup app.

The point is, there’s a little bit of everything going on relationship-wise online and offline.

RELATED: Swipe Regret? There’s Help for Men

From hook-ups to marriage, soul mates to bed mates, there’s a mobile app for you.

As a guest on  AirTalk with Larry Mantle on NPR’s KPCC, we talked about this story, Tinder dating, and heard from a variety of men and women who are using Tinder who shared their experiences.

RELATED: Has the Tinder Hookup Culture Ruined Romance

To listen to the rebroadcast, click here

Do you have a Tinder story to share? Please post your comments here.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and find out how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.

RELATED: Why Tinder and Mobile Apps are So Hot

Has the Tinder Hookup Culture Ruined Romance?

Mobile PhoneIn the September issue of Vanity Fair, Nancy Jo Sales wrote an in -depth piece called, Tinder and the Dawn of “Dating Apocalypse.” It’s an eye-opener and validation of a woman’s worst fear. The guys are swiping right to hook up and it’s all just a game.

In the story, it’s reported that 100 million people are using mobile apps, with about 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day. The numbers are mind-boggling and enormous.

The VF story is really about sex and hookups. Mobile apps just happen to ramp up the numbers in a digital second, and singles in their 20s are buying into the hooking up program, I believe which ruins their chance at romance.

READ: Swipe Regret on Tinder?

We’re living in a virtual world of swiping left and swiping right, with many instantly determining if you’re hot or not. But even if you’re not considered hot, many just keep swiping right, as it’s just a numbers game when it comes to mobile dating. Tinder and other apps provide the tools to hook up and have sex with multiple partners a day, or not.

Many women claim they want romance and a long-term relationship, but they seem to feel that sending photos of their private parts and receiving dick photos is a part of the digital courtship process and join the program.

The problem is, some women are hooking up with hopes to change the mindset of the guy they’ve just slept with. Maybe they’ll think of them as marriage or relationship material, or maybe they’ll be swiping right while you’re putting your clothes back on.

As one who has embraced online dating for over 20 years as an early adopter of Internet dating, and one who coaches and helps singles find serious relationships in the digital age, I have mixed feelings about Tinder. I’m thrilled that it’s given credibility to online and mobile dating and gives you a chance to cast a wider net to find a date or a mate.

If you say you’re using Tinder to your friends, one may ask you why you’re on a hookup app if you’re looking for love. But who isn’t using Tinder? Celebrities such as Hillary Duff, Katy Perry, and Ed Sheeran on Tinder, with Sheeran receiving the first celebrity verified profile on the mobile app. They join the Tinder bandwagon because they’re single and it’s easy to use and is fun. After all, after each swipe, you’re prompted with a message to “Keep playing?”

So we continue to swipe with the hopes of finding a match worthy of introducing to your friends and family, but weeding out those who want to hookup and those who want love is confusing.

We hope there’s truth-in-advertising, but men and women can just say in their profiles that they’re looking for a serious relationship, not serial dating. However those same people could be already in a “committed” relationship, while looking for Plan B when the romance starts to fade and the monotony kicks in. Research from Global WebIndex states that 62% of Tinder users are actually in a relationship. So don’t be surprised if a friend sees your steady-sweetie’s active profile on Tinder.

Read: Why Mobile Dating Apps and Tinder are So Hot

So is romance dead or alive on your mobile phone? According to the Vanity Fair piece, it’s looking grim for 20s in New York who find swiping right to be an efficient and inexpensive way to shag a few girls a day or a week, but I disagree.

I encourage the women who are really looking for a relationship to ignore the “dick pics” and take your time to weed out the creepers who want to choke you within 20 minutes. Think about the approach you took while dating with traditional online dating sites or meeting through friends and combine it with the efficiency of mobile dating apps. Keep your clothes on in your profile photos, state your intentions and swipe left until you find someone worthy of having a chat with. While it’s efficient to find someone IRL in seconds, it doesn’t mean you have to meet someone immediately or rush into casual sex if it’s not your goal.

It takes time to get to know someone, whether you meet in a bar, through friends, or on Tinder. Ask a lot of questions before getting involved. But then again, if you’re in it for a night of fun, it’s a piece of digital cake to accomplish that.

To the Tinderellas out there, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. Xo

Read more to learn how Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, and as a Digital Matchmaker she’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: Fotolia

Los Angeles: Portrait of a City Book Launch and Benefit

Diane Keaton and Julie Spira

Diane Keaton and Julie Spira

When the invitation arrived and it was hosted by Vanity Fair, Diane Keaton, publisher Benedikt Taschen, and Fendi, who could say no? I struggled through the pre-Thanksgiving week traffic to Hollywood to a landmark location – The Windows of the World on Sunset Boulevard for the book release party of Los Angeles, Portrait of a City and fundraiser supporting the Los Angeles Conservancy.

bruckheimers

Jerry and Linda Bruckheimer, Diane Keaton

Besides the fact that all of the Taschen books are treasures, the event drew a lovely and lively crowd. I mingled with Linda and Jerry Bruckheimer who are supporters of the Conservancy and met the wonderful Diane Keaton. At the event, I learned that the Los Angeles Conservancy is the largest of its kind in the country with 6000 supporters. The thought of beautiful historic landmarks in Los Angeles being retired for strip malls was upsetting to us all. Rumor had it that the Santa Anita Racetrack might be on the list of one of those special places that might disappear someday.

Jim Heimann, Editor Los Angeles, Portrait of a City

Jim Heimann, Editor Los Angeles, Portrait of a City

Arriving at the historic Crossroads of the World made me reminisce of the day over 20 years ago, when I met with singer-songwriter Graham Nash, whose office was located at this very site. We were working on a live broadcast called “The Children of the Americas Radiothon” and I was providing the world-wide satellite feed for the event. I hadn’t been on the property since that memorable day, and was treated to a private tour of the property by the owners.

Peggy Moffitt, Hugh Heffner

Peggy Moffitt, David LaChapelle, Crystal Harris, Hugh Heffner

Among the crowd I noticed Hugh Heffner along with Crystal Harris, and 60s model Peggy Moffitt.

The holiday season has officially launched in the City of Angels, and we were reminded of this with a great selection of music in the background including LA Woman by the Doors, Calfornia Dreamin’ by the Mamas and the Papas, and the Beach Boys – California Girls. Pick up a copy of Jim Heimann’s book. It will make a terrific holiday gift for natives and transplants alike.

After a night like this, it makes me want to rush to the mailbox to see what is in store next week.

Julie Spira is a writer, dating coach, and bestselling author of the online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com