More often than not, you won’t be riding off into the digital sunset with your online date.
Digital dating can be tricky and there are no real rules, other than you should treat someone the way that you’d like to be treated. Sometimes initial emails that you’ve carefully crafted to someone you think you might connect with, don’t pass the test and you either get ignored, or receive the big rejection email.
While you might be used to receiving rejection letters from schools that you’ve applied to or for manuscripts you might have submitted, when it comes to matters of the heart, these notifications can be hurtful and cold.
Below are six actual rejection letters sent to women online. Some passed the test of being polite, others weren’t necessary.
On Match.com, they make it easy for you to reject someone by giving you the option of sending their canned email to someone whose profile didn’t make the cut on their date card.
This one gentleman was so sure he wanted to reject a particular woman who was on his daily match list, that he sent this canned email twice and followed up with an additional personal email a few hours later.
Was it a bit of overkill? I think so.
Online Dating Rejection Letter One (via automated email)
Subject: Match.com Message: Thanks, but…
Some people just don’t know a good thing…
[Profile user’s name] appreciates your taking the time to let him know you’re interested, but doesn’t think you’re a good match for him. Don’t be discouraged. Magic happens when you least expect it. With millions of singles on Match.com, you could be just one click away from finding someone who’s right for you.
Six hours after receiving two canned rejection letters, he decided to send a personalized rejection letter.
Online Dating Rejection Letter Two (via email)
Subject: i am not sure
i dont know vhy….a think you are not funny..
With all of the punctuation problems and three attempts to be rejected, it appears a bullet was dodged. One can only wonder how many others received multiple rejection letters on a daily basis from this guy and why he?s still single. I think he made his point, but they hadn’t even exchanged a single email yet. Three strikes, he’s out.
Online Dating Rejection Letter Three (via email)
It was great meeting you the other evening.
I got the feeling that we most likely are in the “friend pile” and that’s OK.
Lets stay in touch!
All the best!
Did he really want to be “just friends?” Probably not, as men and women can’t be friends, right? However, he was a gentleman about it and didn’t put her down. Leaving the options open? Looking for Plan B?
Online Dating Rejection Letter Four (via email)
How are you?
I really enjoyed the time with you. You’re interesting and fun to talk to–you have great experience and accomplishments and sharing your views with people. It was a quality evening ….thank you.
I wish that I felt that we are a good/right match, but my senses tell me not–so best to carry on with our searches, I believe.
I wish you the best of luck in yours and in finding the great man you deserve.
Yes. He didn’t have the chemistry with her that he was hoping for. It was the most flattering online dating rejection letter that ever crossed my desk. How can you not like this man while he gently let her down? Did he need to send an email at all? No. They didn’t have plans for a second date, nor did he say, “I’ll call you,” when he walked her to her car.
Online Dating Rejection Letter Five (via email)
In the department of he was feeling it, but thought she wasn’t, a gentleman sent the following email to his date who he had been excited about. Fortunately, she read between the lines and replied to him to keep the conversation going.
Subject: No Subject
Thanks for a wonderful evening..you are a beautiful accomplished intelligent woman…but pretty clear we don’t mesh = I got that from your parting and body language…I wish you all the best with your career and love life.
Rather than ignoring his email, she responded, because she did feel a connection with her date.
Subject: Your Email
Thanks for a lovely evening.
I really enjoyed our conversation and thought we were getting along well, so I was surprised to get your rejection letter today, after over a combination of a dozen phone calls/emails.
I don’t believe that body language is a barometer and it was a cold winter night. I did say I had a great time with you when I said goodbye, which would have been a cue to ask me out for a second date, but you decided not to. I would have welcomed that.
However, I do understand these types of emails…the “it’s not you it’s me…” I don’t believe it had to do with parting after about 3 hours (most dates are much shorter), or my body language, so perhaps you were wrong with your assumption, and so it goes…..
I wish you the best of luck with your search and hope you find someone to mesh with.
He of course replied to her and realized that he was wrong in assuming there wasn’t a connection. In this case, it was salvageable.
Sometimes a rejection letter gives the sender the feeling of power. Other times, they’re hoping to get a reply begging them to consider. Either way, I recommend no contact after a date that didn’t go well, especially if there’s no second date scheduled on the calendar.
Dating can be hard. You’re meshing two people together in one night of conversation to try to decide whether you should go on a second date or not. First impressions matter and we’re human. Sometimes we might have an off night. I think you should always give someone a second chance if you’ve enjoyed their company, rather than sending a unilateral rejection letter.
Have you ever sent a rejection email to someone after a date? Have you ever received one that caught you off guard? Do you think it’s necessary to communicate that you’re not feeling it for someone after a first date? Personalized or canned? I invite you to post your experiences in our comments.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is the leading online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating.? For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.
Photo credits: indomercy – Fotolia.com
Julie Spira is America's Top Online Dating Expert. She's an award-winning dating coach who's been helping singles find love online for 25+ years. Follow @JulieSpira on IG.
2 thoughts on “The Online Dating Rejection Letter”
Here’s my thought — leaving someone hanging can be absolutely brutal… and worse, it can leave the door open for them to email, text or call you repeatedly to get “closure.”
Tip 1: Giving someone a hug at the end of the date, when you weren’t interested gives the wrong impression. Stick your hand out for a handshake, and you’ll usually get the point across right there.
Tip 2: I was taught (and I’ve interviewed a lot of people as well) and understand that if you say “It was nice meeting you” without embellishments, eg “we should do this again” or “I had a really great time,” it basically means, there won’t be a second date.
Now, if someone sent me a really nice intro email on a dating site, and I wasn’t interested, I probably would send a response, saying that I was flattered but didn’t think we’d be a good match.
Personally (and I’m not perfect) I tried to make it clear at the end of the first date, that there wasn’t going to be a second date. But in general, I do find it sad that so many people are turning to technology (emails and texting) to end budding relationships that have gone more than 2-3 dates.
Thanks for chiming in with your comments and thoughts Ross. Your tips are terrific. I think that body language and not talking about a future date sends the correct message and allows you to be polite when exiting a date.
I’m not a huge fan of canned rejection emails from a dating site. Dating is a personal experience. Sending either a personalized email to thank someone for their, but say that you don’t think you have enough in common to meet could be appropriate, if anything is sent at all. These day-after emails aren’t necessary in my digital book.