Now that you’ve said goodbye to 2022, it’s time to push the reset button and make your dating resolutions list. Your list might also include ways to improve health, such as joining a gym, improving your diet, embracing Dry January (sans alcohol), or starting a meditation program.
If you’re single, finding love frequently resides at the top.
To help you with your quest, I’ve created a guide of Dating Resolutions to change the way you’ve dated in the past with a reset to speed up your search. Treat this list of Dating Resolutions as a guide or a rulebook, and refer back to it often because these tips work. I’d love to see you find a meaningful relationship this year.
Love can take a moment, or months to find. Embrace each Dating Resolution one at a time, and enjoy filling up your date card.
It’s peak dating season, so buckle up and enjoy the ride.
Ready, Set, Swipe!
Cyber-Dating Expert 2023 Dating Resolutions Guide
More singles are dating with intent, and casual hookups are declining. Most daters report finding a long-term and meaningful relationship is a priority. On Dating in the Age of Covid 19, our ongoing poll shows over 82% are looking for a LTR. Other dating apps also report this trend. The most recent Match Singles in America Study found 70% are open to finding a relationship. The study also reports 35% saying they’d like to meet a partner within the next few months.
Selecting Your Dating Goals
To define your relationship goals, let’s start with an exercise where you write down EXACTLY the type of person your heart desires.
If you took the time to heal from a recent breakup, divorce, or loss of a partner, ask yourself what type of relationship you’re seeking. If you’re interested in casually dating to get back into the game. or if you know without a doubt, that you want a serious relationship or marriage, then write it down and say it out loud.
Head over to your dating app profile and select the option best for you.
For singles with the intent of finding a serious partner, choose “Relationship,” “Marriage,” “Long-term dating,” or “Long-term partner.”
If you’re not interested in a committed relationship, choose “Something casual,” “New Friends,” “Short-term dating,” “Short-term fun,” or “Don’t know yet.”
One of the things we learned during the lockdown was that finding a digital nugget in someone’s profile to strike up a conversation was relatively easy.
Superficial swiping on someone hot doesn’t lead to deeper conversations. Instead, bypass focusing solely on the photos and see if you click on lifestyle and causes such as being outdoorsy, a cultural enthusiast, or having a shared passion for saving our planet.
Dating Resolution Tip: Expanding Your Search to Cast a Wider Net
People have moved for love since the beginning of time, and distance shouldn’t be a barrier when looking for love online.
Too often, I see profiles or work with singles who won’t date someone that doesn’t live in their neighborhood. Daters are often married to their zip code instead of finding the right partner. With plenty of singles working from home, distance is no longer a barrier to finding love.
Singles connect and fall in love on airplanes, while on vacation, and by being open-minded. Put yourself in vacation mode, and ask if you would date this person while being a tourist in another town. Then head to your dating app settings and widen your search to 30, 60, or 250 miles and beyond.
A Bumble Dating Trends report shows that singles are willing to connect in multiple cities. Thirty-three percent of daters revealed they’re more open to relationships with someone who lives in another town or state. Bumble’s premium feature of using “Travel Mode” or Tinder’s “Passport” feature will help you match and set up dates before you pack your bags.
Dating Resolution Tip: Don’t Get Hung Up On Age
On a similar theme to Resolution #3, in Dating Resolution #4, I strongly recommend widening your age parameters.
I realize some people won’t post their exact age online for fear of not fitting into a search. However, your aging or reactivated profile will reflect a different desired age range than what you selected five years ago. Stop and think about that dynamic person you met at a holiday party. Recall how much you enjoyed the conversation. Would you ever have interrupted the flow to ask them how old they were?
Age is about energy and attitude and isn’t always about the chronological number. On the Today show, I discussed with Maria Shriver the upward trend of women dating men 10-25 years younger. Find out the reasons why it works for these five couples and many others.
Watch the Today show TV segment here.
Dating Resolution Tip: Does Height Matter?
The National Center for Health Statistics reports the average height for men in the United States is 5’9.” Only 3.9 percent of men who are 6’2″ or taller, so why do so many women require dating long-legged men?
Single women frequently specify that they’re only interested in dating someone at least 6′ tall. Yet, statistics show that only 14.5% of men in the United States fit that height requirement. The majority, 85.5% of other men, are getting dates, finding relationships, and getting married if they desire.
The fact is height diminishes with time. When you’re lying horizontal in bed or seated across from someone at a table in a restaurant, you won’t ask them to stand up and get measured for height. If you do, don’t be surprised if they walk out on you and leave you with the check.
The Bumble trend report showed that 63% of daters are now looking for emotional maturity over physical looks, and that’s refreshing. Over three-quarters of the male population are not giving up on finding love, and neither should you.
Dating Resolution Tip: Don’t Wait. Initiate.
When Bumble launched in December 2014 as the dating app where women needed to initiate contact first, it empowered women. It was also refreshing to men who were frustrated writing dozens and dozens of messages with a minimal reply rate.
Suddenly men desiring a heterosexual relationship were flattered to hear from a potential date. This trend is now widely embraced by singles using other dating apps.
The days of playing the waiting game are over, and you’re now witnessing a speeding up of the digital courtship process. Fast-track matching and meeting IRL happen within days. That means the squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal. If you’re impressed with their profile, then reach out to say hello, and compliment them on something you’ve viewed. Just say anything other than, “Hey.”
RELATED: The CDE Guide to Cuffing Season
Dating Resolution Tip: Take Inventory of Your Dating History and Make a List
With Dating Resolution #7, it’s time to make a list within the list.
Jot down the past five relationships you were in to find the common thread. Were you attracted to people who you later found out were narcissists? Were any of them still hung up on an ex? Did they have the same body type and hair color? Were they introverts or extroverts? Did any of them have commitment or addiction issues? Did you favor looks over personality or vice versa?
Note the unhealthy patterns of the relationships that didn’t work out, and write down the complete opposite traits for this exercise.
Bumble reports that over one-third (38%) are now more open to dating beyond their typical physical type. They added that 28% are less concerned about dating the kind of person others expect.
Dating Resolution Tip: Finding Love is like Looking For a Job, Only More Romantic
Let’s follow up on Dating Resolution #6 with Dating Resolution #8. I challenge you to make the first move when matching and actively write a witty message to ten people daily.
I know it sounds daunting, but imagine you’re at work and have a sales job. Your boss or supervisor requires you to cultivate sales leads to make your quota. If you’re on commission and want to stay employed, you’ll continue to pursue new leads.
Finding love should be more romantic and less calculated. However, searching, matching, and chatting is required to find the right relationship that will hopefully last a lifetime, not just a year or two.
Whether you prefer mornings or evenings, find a consistent time that will result in creating engaging and exciting matches. Stick with it like your exercise routine.
Whether you prefer mornings or evenings, find a consistent time that will result in creating engaging and exciting matches. Stick with it like your exercise routine.
Dating Resolution Tip: Avoid Over-Analyzing Messages
How much time do you spend agonizing over every word and emoji in text and dating app messages?
If you count the number of minutes and hours a week trying to decipher their texts, there would be enough time to have scheduled at least two or three dates. When you add in the extra anxiety of how quickly you should reply to messages from someone you like, it can become crazy-making.
Swipe left to the old waiting game rules. Turn on your push notifications in the app to be alerted when a new message is received. If you’re near your mobile phone and one pops up, go ahead and read it if you aren’t busy with other tasks or work.
You can wait to reply when you’re available, and if you have free time, reply on the quicker side if possible. You don’t need to craft the perfect response, but waiting over an hour, half a day, or an entire day, especially if someone has “read notifications” on, isn’t advised.
The point is there’s a place between being too available and being perceived as unavailable. Perhaps it’s five minutes or maybe an hour, but responding to someone in the same manner and timing as you’d reply to a friend’s message is appropriate. Keep in mind when you reply while your match is logged on to the dating app or by their mobile phone, you can start a conversation in real time and create a flow.
Dating Resolution Tip: Say Hello and Goodbye to Situationships
In Tinder’s Year of Swipe report, the top trend for 2022 leading into 2023 dealt with embracing the evasive relationship label of “situationship.”
A situationship is typically the in-between place where you’re sleeping with someone but haven’t defined the relationship. This trend is growing in popularity.
Tinder saw a 49% increase in members adding the phrase to their bios. Younger singles are saying they prefer situationships as a low-pressure way to develop a relationship.
Why do I instruct you to swipe left on a situationship, contradicting one of my favorite and largest dating apps in the world?
Most readers of this Dating Resolutions list are looking for a long-term relationship. Situationships don’t last forever, include an end game, and come with emotions attached. If last year’s situationship ran its course, be grateful for the time you spent together, and rewrite your dating goals with this list in mind.
If one of you wants a more serious relationship and the other won’t even introduce you to their friends and family, your situationship could implode. Suppose you stare at their active dating profile the morning after sex. In that case, it’s time to find a new relationship if your situationship doesn’t move forward to one with a deeper commitment.
Dating Resolution Tip: Be an Equal Conversationalist
In the digital courtship process, giving good phone and enjoying your conversation on a date are essential. It’s human nature to get nervous when chatting and meeting IRL Some daters make the mistake of talking about themselves the entire time or go down the rabbit hole talking about an ex.
It happens to most, so be gentle with yourself and give yourself a hug and credit for putting yourself out there. In my post-date conversations with singles, you’d be surprised how many complain that their date monopolized the conversation. It was a turn-off to hear them brag about their accomplishments, while never pausing a moment to let their date chime in.
It’s a gifted art to be a great conversationalist. Make sure you’re participating in a dialog instead of a monologue, which comes from listening more than talking.
Turn your date into one with equal participation. A date involves two people getting to know each other. Leave Monopoly for board game night.
Dating Resolution Tip: Follow Up to Avoid a One-And-Done Date
If you’re feeling overwhelmed with this Dating Resolutions list, there’s no need to fret. All of this work we’re doing has a specific goal of deciding whether to schedule a second date at the end of the first date. It’s as simple as that. Those who play it cool and say they’d like to get together again are being vague.
Without the certainty of a calendar date to look forward to it can leave you feeling confused. Your date might be polite by saying they’d like to see you again if they’re unsure of your interest. This is where actions matter more than words. Suggesting an outing is the perfect way to end a date if the feelings are mutual.
If you leave with a hug and both agree you’d like to get together again, don’t wait a day or two to follow up.
When you return home still aglow from a date that went well, it’s time to send a text to thank your date. Let them know you had a great time, and suggest two days and times for your next outing to show flexibility.
For example, you can type, “Thx for meeting for drinks tonight. I had a great time and loved it when we played movie trivia. Would you like to see [insert film title] on Thursday night or Sunday afternoon?”
Either you’ll receive a reply before they go to sleep or in the morning. If not, move on to other interesting people on your date.
RELATED: 20 Flirty Texts to Capture His Heart
Dating Resolution Tip: Singles Are Nervous on First Dates
First dates can be awkward, and people are quick to judge. From conversations that go south to someone showing up late because they were stuck in traffic or couldn’t find a parking spot. There’s a lot of pressure on creating the perfect first date.
Meeting someone for the first time when your hopes are high can cause you to feel anxious. It takes a few seconds to make an impression and an entire date to see if the chemistry builds.
Having instant chemistry physically does not equal a good match. Spending time together after the first date is a better indicator of compatibility. This is why you need to schedule a second date, even if you can’t imagine this person being your significant other in the long run.
The Match Singles in America study showed that of almost half of singles surveyed, 49%, fell in love with someone when there wasn’t an initial attraction.
If your time together was enjoyable enough to consider this person as a friend, know that the best relationships include a solid foundation of friendship.
Dating Resolution Tip: Swipe Left on Toxic and Unhealthy Relationships
It happens to many couples. You’ve invested the time together, so you look the other way at the toxic red flags that are obvious to your friends and family. Sure, you love the companionship of having a steady partner and the history you’ve built together. From birthdays and Valentine’s Day to New Year’s, you can’t imagine yourself without your partner. In your heart, you know there’s not a happy future, and the reasons why are on your non-negotiables list.
When you see signs of a toxic relationship, run and realize you’re dodging a bullet. These signs could range from emotional cheating, with constant texts to another romantic interest, to flat-out physical infidelity. You might be in a relationship with someone with an alcohol or drug use dependency. Perhaps your steady squeeze has a spending addiction they can’t kick. If any of these apply to your relationship, it’s time to have a conversation, take a break, or call it quits.
You may find your partner is the life of the party, but they’re sucking the life energy out of you. If so, ask yourself why you’re staying in an unhealthy relationship. If you’d disapprove of your best friend dating someone in your shoes, it’s time to get another pair that fits.
The good news is you’re not alone in starting over. The Bumble Dating Trend report showed that relationship endings bring new beginnings. Their survey revealed that over one-third (39%) of users ended a marriage or serious relationship during the past two years. They added that 36% of those surveyed as first-time users of dating apps, many with similar dating goals as you.
Dating Resolution Tip: To Ghost, or Not to Ghost
Ghosting is the most frequent way to call it quits, but is it appropriate? Nine out of ten times, you should avoid ghosting to allow the person you’re leaving to have closure. Some soon-to-be singles prefer gradually reducing time and communication, or the slow fade, instead of initiating the breakup. However, if you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a month to several years, they deserve respect to discuss why your relationship is ending.
There is an exception to not pulling a ‘Casper’ on your partner. If you believe staying together would be dangerous, such as the toxic issues I shared in Dating Resolution #14, including alcohol and drug abuse, physical abuse, or repeated emotional or physical cheating. All are hazardous and disrespectful.
If you are concerned about your safety, you most likely have already discussed the issues with your partner. In this case, it might be best to break away and start over without a long-winded explanation.
Still, think about how you felt when someone ghosted you in the past. Take the time to decide whether being a ghoster is how you want to plant your dating legacy. Try to schedule a proper goodbye.
RELATED: What to Do If You’ve Been Ghosted on a Dating App
Thank you for Trusting Me With Your Heart
These 15 Dating Resolutions will help you attract and maintain a happy relationship. This advice comes from my almost three decades of coaching singles on finding love online (and on mobile phones).
I’ve combined today’s technology with the top dating trends to guide you on your romantic journey.
Nothing makes me happier when I help people match, then retire a coaching client’s dating profile when they become exclusive. I love reading and sharing so many happy testimonials over the years, and know some of you would like extra hand-holding and might feel overwhelmed.
Reach out by email, phone, or text.. I’d love to hear from you!
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.
Julie Spira is America's Top Online Dating Expert. She's an award-winning dating coach who's been helping singles find love online for 25+ years. Follow @JulieSpira on IG.