It doesn’t have to be Halloween for the ghosts to come out on dating apps.
Ghosting, which started as the unpleasant phenomenon on how badly behaved singles broke up without warning, has turned into an epidemic. It’s now the norm, and many make the unilateral decision on how they end a relationship by leaving the “ghostee” without closure.
Regardless of how much chemistry you had while texting, chatting, or even dating IRL, ghosting has hit home for most singles.
A survey from Dating.com showed that 75% of single daters admitted to ghosting someone they were casually dating, with almost everyone (92%) saying they’ve been ghosted. Ouch.
Our friends at PlentyofFish reported a similar statistic, with 80% of Millennials who said they were on the receiving end of being ghosted.
It’s one of the most popular questions asked in our Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column.
RELATED: GHOSTING: THE CULTURAL PHENOMENON IN DATING
Why Do People Ghost?
According to Dating.com, more than half of singles (63%) admitted they ghosted someone they were dating because they just lost interest in them, while the majority (88%) felt it was easier to ghost someone and disappear than deal with a potentially angry confrontation.
There’s no doubt that ghosting someone is the coward’s way out of a relationship that was about to get to the next step or even a second date.
The problem is, if you’ve met online, chances are you could get matched again, or since you still have their digits, you might reach out to try and get closure.
Texting and calling the ghoster is a huge mistake because if the person wanted to let you know they’ve met someone else, or didn’t see the relationship moving forward, they’d have the guts and courage to call it quits and have the conversation to say it’s over.
RELATED: CONFUSED, IS HE GHOSTING?
How Do you Break Up With Someone Without Ghosting?
If you’ve met on a dating app, unless the person fell in love with someone else they were dating at the same time, your digital paths could easily cross again. For this reason, I strongly recommend pulling your big boy pants up or grab your favorite date dress and schedule a call or date to meet up.
If you’ve been pulling away and texting less, chances are the person you’ve been dating will know that something’s up and could expect a breakup.
My best dating advice in this scenario is as follows:
- Schedule a date to meet in person if possible, or a time to talk on the phone.
- Let the person you’ve been sending texts to every morning and night know you’ve enjoyed getting to know them, and especially enjoyed the picnic you had on the beach, or another memorable date. Then pause.
- Let them know you’re looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with if finding a serious relationship is your goal. OR
- Let them know you’re only interested in a casual relationship and want to date multiple people, if that’s what you desire.
RELATED: HOW TO TELL YOU’RE DATE YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED WITHOUT GHOSTING
If you’re the one who’s been ghosted, I shared some tips with Elite Daily, including “Remember that the person you’re chatting with is most likely messaging with a dozen or more others, in between swiping to match with another bunch of fresh faces to add the queue.” In other words, patience sometimes is a virtue, and until you define the relationship, know that you might be in rotation, until you’re official and take down your profiles.
So swipe left the next time you see that ghosting fool, because know within your heart that you’re too good to be “Caspered.”
Wishing you much love and joy on Halloween, wherever you may swipe or roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie’s been coaching singles on finding love online for 25 years. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice, and Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.
Julie Spira is America's Top Online Dating Expert. She's an award-winning dating coach who's been helping singles find love online for 25+ years. Follow @JulieSpira on IG.