Confused: Is He Ghosting? : Cyber Dating Expert
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Confused: Is He Ghosting?

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GhostingA popular topic unfortunately is the trend of ghosting. If you haven’t heard of the term, it’s when someone you’re dating, even someone who calls you their boyfriend or girlfriend just disappears, even when things appear to be going great between the two of you.

In today’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a woman writes:

Dear Julie:

We have been dating for a month, meeting almost everyday and calling it a real relationship. He even told his family and friends that he is dating me. We had a small argument over a stupid thing then he start ghosting me. I called him twice and sent text messages a few times. After our argument he posted our picture to Instagram.  Two days later, he removed it.

I am confused. I removed him from Facebook and Instagram but he he hasn’t removed me from his Instagram.

What happened?

Ghost Victim.

My reply to this unfortunate dating dilemma:

Dear Ghost Victim,

You’re not alone. Dating someone for only one month is just that; dating. When people are dating, they are often dating others and leaving their options open to possibly date multiple people until they decide to be exclusive.


Urban Dictionary’s top definition of dating is:

Dating: “Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.”

Being on each other’s Facebook and Instagram accounts when you’re dating is common these days. It doesn’t mean you’re exclusive and it doesn’t mean it will last forever. What I don’t know in your case is what your argument was about, but if it turned him off, chances are he pulled back. He might be dating others, he might just need his space. But if he isn’t feeling good about the two of you, it’s understandable that he’d take photos of you down from Instagram, so other women won’t think he’s taken.

You’ve already reached out a few times. He hasn’t. My best advice to you is to fill your date card, right now. It’s good that you unfriended him on Facebook, but please DON’T stalk his instagram account. I always say, “Seek and ye shall find.” If you keep looking, you’ll probably see a photo of him and another woman, or him having fun somewhere without you.


One month is too soon for a couple to know if they’ll ride into the sunset together. Ghosting after one month is common, because the level of commitment isn’t there. It’s lazy and cowardly, but it’s the easy way out.

Go out and have fun with your friends. Accept dates. Stop looking on his social media to see what he’s up to. You can wonder why, but put it behind you. He’s just another guy who ghosted because he got spooked or isn’t feeling it anymore.

If he comes back, you might already be in the arms of a great guy who won’t bolt when there’s a bump in the road.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Do you need dating advice or have a question for Julie Spira? Submit your dating questions here.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet Dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

For personalized coaching, find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date and sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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